Whaat arre the advantage of a AB or DL Realetionship

[Windelbaby]

Do you think it has advantages for men and women to be in a relationship with an AB or DL? I think at least as long as the diapers are worn the partner will not cheat. 

Can you think of any other advantages?

[diaprbayb]

Not so true, my wife considered  my  site visiting and chatting cheating.  it all came to head when she agreed to diaper me. it started out being the best night ever.

BUT.... I was so excited and turned on. I was at the biggest I ever remember being.

she took it to mean that the diapers turned me on more than her.

she rejected everything after that.

it has been more than 10 years (3 of them me living in my car), but she is now starting to tolerate it again.

But she still considered my online activity like tumbler, sissykiss, dailydiaper, as cheating.

 

[Windelbaby]

1 hour ago, diaprbayb said:

Not so true, my wife considered  my  site visiting and chatting cheating.  it all came to head when she agreed to diaper me. it started out being the best night ever.

BUT.... I was so excited and turned on. I was at the biggest I ever remember being.

she took it to mean that the diapers turned me on more than her.

she rejected everything after that.

it has been more than 10 years (3 of them me living in my car), but she is now starting to tolerate it again.

But she still considered my online activity like tumbler, sissykiss, dailydiaper, as cheating.

 

Sorry to hear that. Did she tell you why it's like cheating for her? It would be much more beneficial if she saw some advantages for herself. I would probably do almost anything my partner says because I feel pretty submissive in a diaper although I'm not sure if it would really be an advantage but unfortunately I'm not in a relationship right now. But I hope that your situation continues to improve. 

[FretaBWet]

I'm doubtful there is any advantage. I know there are strong relationships where one partner is AB or DL and the other is vanilla. What makes these relationships strong is the how each person relates to each other. It works despite the diapers not because of them.

Hugs,

Freta

[oznl]

To be blunt: I think for the vanilla partner in a relationship with an ABDL,  the “advantages” (sole use of the toilet?) are miniscule in comparison with the disadvantages (social risk, odour, compromised sex life, expense, in the event of excessive AB, reduced “adult” time, I could go on…)

3 hours ago, FretaBWet said:

I'm doubtful there is any advantage. I know there are strong relationships where one partner is AB or DL and the other is vanilla. What makes these relationships strong is the how each person relates to each other. It works despite the diapers not because of them.

Hugs,

Freta

I think this is it really.  I suspect more commonly these relationship survive in spite of ABDL, not because of it.

[rusty pins]

I would think one thing a vanilla wife should be happy about is the husband never leaving the toilet seat up!

[Sailor Snow]

I guess they might be more comfortable sharing some of their kinks they might be a bit insecure about if they know about yours?. But i cant really think of any other real advantage of dating a abdl persone if you arent one yourself.

[~Brian~]

On 1/15/2022 at 1:33 PM, Windelbaby said:

Sorry to hear that. Did she tell you why it's like cheating for her? It would be much more beneficial if she saw some advantages for herself. I would probably do almost anything my partner says because I feel pretty submissive in a diaper although I'm not sure if it would really be an advantage but unfortunately I'm not in a relationship right now. But I hope that your situation continues to improve. 

@diaprbayb

I am also sorry to hear that your partner believes what you're doing is considered cheating to her. The problem that I see is that there are people who may feel they are who they are, and they might be looking for support from other sources, because their partner does not tolerate, or understand, what is going on. One of the hardest things that you have to do in your life is to figure out what is going on when you don't know what it is that is going on yourself. Once you figure out what it is that you're dealing with, it is easier to deal with it, and therefore be able to figure out a way to deal with it.

I also think it's unfortunate that the one time that your partner agreed to diaper you, and you got turned on because of it, it turned her off. Some people are turned on because of diapers, because of the way it makes them feel, or the way it excites them. Sometimes putting a diaper on is sexual, or wearing one asexual. I would hate to think that because your partner put you in a diaper, and you ended up having an erection, that was immediate turnoff, and she thought any less of you. Regardless of what type of relationship that you have with an individual, if you are a diaper lover or you are and AB, those feelings have been a part of you, and will be a part of you, and there's nothing that you will be able to do with it or about it. The best you can hope for is that you would be able to deal with those feelings appropriately.

I would hope that your partner would understand that you are going to have the feelings that you have, and your reaction to being diapered is not specifically due to weather either one of you are being cheated on. If you put a diaper on and you have an erection because of it, that is a natural reaction, and some people are turned on like that. It does not necessarily mean that your partner feels any different to you in my mind. If you love your partner, and your partner loves you, there is a bond there, which means there is some sort of trust there. If a wife is vanilla, and does not engage in this type of play, that's her business, if a husband is vanilla and does not engage in this type of play that is his business. It all depends on who wants to play, if they want to play, and how far they want to go. Some people don't want to play like that, while some people do.

One of the most important things that you should be is honest with your partner. If you have been honest with your partner from the start, and she has been honest with you, then you have come a long way. Wives may not want to be engaged in diaper play or in parts of the lifestyle, and that is fine. However, you cannot be expected as a diaper lover or as an AB should just throw all of those feelings into a safe lock them up and throw away the key period they will always be a part of you, so your partners should be tolerant of some of those feelings and some of those urges. It all depends on how far you agree to let it go.

Relationships are always built on love understanding trust and integrity. Basically these are your building blocks. The stronger your foundation between the building blocks, the longer your relationship will last. I'm sure there are plenty of individuals who have fetishes who have likes or have desires. Just like I said in an earlier post, there will be plenty of guys for example who like women's underwear, or like silk, or like the smell of their partners perfume, or they're turned on by a certain thing that their partner does says or acts.  A good relationship always will triumph over any bad points, so long as you're willing to work together. It is my hope that your partner understands what it is like to be on your side of the fence as well. It's one thing if you're trying to understand what is going on, or that you're talking to people that are involved in your fetish comment when she is not. It is quite another thing however, to be caught cheating with somebody else, or engaging in things that your partner and yourself should be engaging in. For example, when I started in 2019, and I needed to learn about what was going on or why I felt the way I did, I knew exactly where I needed to go or why I needed to be here. I learned a lot about myself, and I learned about why diapers are important, or why they feel good, or why I have the feelings I do. I learned that I am wired that way, and it's not anything bad or wrong. If you have the right type of relationship, and you learn about your partner's gifts and your partner's abilities, and they learn about your feelings your gifts and your abilities, you guys can make the best of a good relationship, because she can make you feel good, and you can make her feel good. Diapers can be used in many ways. Diapers are not necessarily a toilet all the time, but they can be used in ways to make a guy feel real special. If you have the right toys, a guy can be put right into orbit or put right over the edge into a state of euphoria that can probably not be matched. In order to get to that level, you both have to trust each other's instincts and abilities and not worry about whether you're going to get caught. If you have the type of relationship where trust is the most important piece and you trust each other, cheating should not be an issue, because you have set the boundaries

 

On 1/15/2022 at 10:10 PM, FretaBWet said:

I'm doubtful there is any advantage. I know there are strong relationships where one partner is AB or DL and the other is vanilla. What makes these relationships strong is the how each person relates to each other. It works despite the diapers not because of them.

Hugs,

Freta

@FretaBWet

I believe Freta is right: I don't know is there is a advantage to having a relationship with an AB or DL, except that maybe the person that is vanilla, who always would like to try something new, can learn from the person who is either AB or DL, or who has been involved in the fetish and the lifestyle, and wants to engage.

Strong relationships are built based on the people in their relationship. The stronger your relationship is, the stronger your attraction is, and the likelihood of you being able to remain in a long term relationship is increased. The reason I say that is because strong relationships require you to set goals, set boundaries, set rules, set expectations, and then once they're set, most problems won't occur because everybody agrees to follow the same ground rules. Changes to the rules that are set should be discussed between you and your partner .

relationships are built on love trust understanding and integrity. You make a vow to your partner when you commit to him or her. That commitment says that you will honor love cherish him or her till death do you part. A relationship that is built on trust and all of the other building blocks is a very strong relationship. I think sometimes relationships are enhanced because you build up a trust level with your partner such that you're willing to try new things, or to listen to new perspectives, or to change your thinking processes. You also learn from your partner in different ways. You may learn different ways to deal with emotions, anger, sadness, depression, and you learn how to deal with things that would bother you, but you learn new ways to cope. I remember a few times that friends of mine taught me new ways to deal with my emotions when I was in school. Because I have good friends, they help me to understand that it is OK to lose your temper, it is OK to cry, it is OK to let your feelings be known, so long as you don't hurt someone physically. You might have to have someone help you, or to be a referee, but if you have good friends that are willing to help you through.

Having a partner means that you have to come to an agreement as to what in your relationship you will allow versus what you will not allow, how far something will go and all of that stuff. It basically means that you form a bond of trust, and as long as that trust is maintained and you do not try to do something underhanded, you should have no problem. Your partner should understand also that if she is not willing to do what it is you're looking for, and she's not willing to engage you and indulge you from time to time, that you might be looking for somewhere else to be able to deal with those feelings that you're dealing with period regardless of whether you're vanilla or your AB or DL, you will still have those feelings, and they're not just something that you can lock up in a safe and throw away the key. It comes with experience and the ability to work with your partner, because it takes 2, and it also means that both of you will have to make choices as well as sacrifices. Anybody that is in a relationship has to do this on a daily basis.

Relationships and love sometimes are very hard to be able to quantify or to deal with period emotions can go high, and sometimes you have good days sometimes you have bad days. Good relationships also mean that when someone is down or not feeling the best, you try to work it out, you give a person space, and you let them try to work it out. Your partner is someone who is your equal, and who loves you for who you are and what you are, who can forgive you for all your transgressions, or overlook certain things or put up with things. That's what being in a relationship means. When you finally decide to say the words I do, that takes the relationship to an incredibly new level, because you've already gained the trust and respect, but now you are agreeing to a lifelong commitment, or you're supposed to do that, but sometimes marriage nowadays is not like it used to be, and the marriage my parents promised to uphold is not the same type of marriage that some people that are in the younger generation have today. This means that people that used to be married for 70 years, that's a good thing, and sometimes people might be married for less time, and then divorce, but when you find the right person, that is when you'll know. That person will be able to deal with all of your nuances and all of your idiosyncrasies.

I think having a specialized relationship is cool, but the basic tenants still remain: if somebody wants to get involved in the lifestyle, or they want to play, I don't see a problem with that, but you have to make sure it's within the ground rules that are set between you and your partner.

Good Luck

Brian

 

 

[Windelbaby]

18 hours ago, ~Brian~ said:

@diaprbayb

I am also sorry to hear that your partner believes what you're doing is considered cheating to her. The problem that I see is that there are people who may feel they are who they are, and they might be looking for support from other sources, because their partner does not tolerate, or understand, what is going on. One of the hardest things that you have to do in your life is to figure out what is going on when you don't know what it is that is going on yourself. Once you figure out what it is that you're dealing with, it is easier to deal with it, and therefore be able to figure out a way to deal with it.

I also think it's unfortunate that the one time that your partner agreed to diaper you, and you got turned on because of it, it turned her off. Some people are turned on because of diapers, because of the way it makes them feel, or the way it excites them. Sometimes putting a diaper on is sexual, or wearing one asexual. I would hate to think that because your partner put you in a diaper, and you ended up having an erection, that was immediate turnoff, and she thought any less of you. Regardless of what type of relationship that you have with an individual, if you are a diaper lover or you are and AB, those feelings have been a part of you, and will be a part of you, and there's nothing that you will be able to do with it or about it. The best you can hope for is that you would be able to deal with those feelings appropriately.

I would hope that your partner would understand that you are going to have the feelings that you have, and your reaction to being diapered is not specifically due to weather either one of you are being cheated on. If you put a diaper on and you have an erection because of it, that is a natural reaction, and some people are turned on like that. It does not necessarily mean that your partner feels any different to you in my mind. If you love your partner, and your partner loves you, there is a bond there, which means there is some sort of trust there. If a wife is vanilla, and does not engage in this type of play, that's her business, if a husband is vanilla and does not engage in this type of play that is his business. It all depends on who wants to play, if they want to play, and how far they want to go. Some people don't want to play like that, while some people do.

One of the most important things that you should be is honest with your partner. If you have been honest with your partner from the start, and she has been honest with you, then you have come a long way. Wives may not want to be engaged in diaper play or in parts of the lifestyle, and that is fine. However, you cannot be expected as a diaper lover or as an AB should just throw all of those feelings into a safe lock them up and throw away the key period they will always be a part of you, so your partners should be tolerant of some of those feelings and some of those urges. It all depends on how far you agree to let it go.

Relationships are always built on love understanding trust and integrity. Basically these are your building blocks. The stronger your foundation between the building blocks, the longer your relationship will last. I'm sure there are plenty of individuals who have fetishes who have likes or have desires. Just like I said in an earlier post, there will be plenty of guys for example who like women's underwear, or like silk, or like the smell of their partners perfume, or they're turned on by a certain thing that their partner does says or acts.  A good relationship always will triumph over any bad points, so long as you're willing to work together. It is my hope that your partner understands what it is like to be on your side of the fence as well. It's one thing if you're trying to understand what is going on, or that you're talking to people that are involved in your fetish comment when she is not. It is quite another thing however, to be caught cheating with somebody else, or engaging in things that your partner and yourself should be engaging in. For example, when I started in 2019, and I needed to learn about what was going on or why I felt the way I did, I knew exactly where I needed to go or why I needed to be here. I learned a lot about myself, and I learned about why diapers are important, or why they feel good, or why I have the feelings I do. I learned that I am wired that way, and it's not anything bad or wrong. If you have the right type of relationship, and you learn about your partner's gifts and your partner's abilities, and they learn about your feelings your gifts and your abilities, you guys can make the best of a good relationship, because she can make you feel good, and you can make her feel good. Diapers can be used in many ways. Diapers are not necessarily a toilet all the time, but they can be used in ways to make a guy feel real special. If you have the right toys, a guy can be put right into orbit or put right over the edge into a state of euphoria that can probably not be matched. In order to get to that level, you both have to trust each other's instincts and abilities and not worry about whether you're going to get caught. If you have the type of relationship where trust is the most important piece and you trust each other, cheating should not be an issue, because you have set the boundaries

 

@FretaBWet

I believe Freta is right: I don't know is there is a advantage to having a relationship with an AB or DL, except that maybe the person that is vanilla, who always would like to try something new, can learn from the person who is either AB or DL, or who has been involved in the fetish and the lifestyle, and wants to engage.

Strong relationships are built based on the people in their relationship. The stronger your relationship is, the stronger your attraction is, and the likelihood of you being able to remain in a long term relationship is increased. The reason I say that is because strong relationships require you to set goals, set boundaries, set rules, set expectations, and then once they're set, most problems won't occur because everybody agrees to follow the same ground rules. Changes to the rules that are set should be discussed between you and your partner .

relationships are built on love trust understanding and integrity. You make a vow to your partner when you commit to him or her. That commitment says that you will honor love cherish him or her till death do you part. A relationship that is built on trust and all of the other building blocks is a very strong relationship. I think sometimes relationships are enhanced because you build up a trust level with your partner such that you're willing to try new things, or to listen to new perspectives, or to change your thinking processes. You also learn from your partner in different ways. You may learn different ways to deal with emotions, anger, sadness, depression, and you learn how to deal with things that would bother you, but you learn new ways to cope. I remember a few times that friends of mine taught me new ways to deal with my emotions when I was in school. Because I have good friends, they help me to understand that it is OK to lose your temper, it is OK to cry, it is OK to let your feelings be known, so long as you don't hurt someone physically. You might have to have someone help you, or to be a referee, but if you have good friends that are willing to help you through.

Having a partner means that you have to come to an agreement as to what in your relationship you will allow versus what you will not allow, how far something will go and all of that stuff. It basically means that you form a bond of trust, and as long as that trust is maintained and you do not try to do something underhanded, you should have no problem. Your partner should understand also that if she is not willing to do what it is you're looking for, and she's not willing to engage you and indulge you from time to time, that you might be looking for somewhere else to be able to deal with those feelings that you're dealing with period regardless of whether you're vanilla or your AB or DL, you will still have those feelings, and they're not just something that you can lock up in a safe and throw away the key. It comes with experience and the ability to work with your partner, because it takes 2, and it also means that both of you will have to make choices as well as sacrifices. Anybody that is in a relationship has to do this on a daily basis.

Relationships and love sometimes are very hard to be able to quantify or to deal with period emotions can go high, and sometimes you have good days sometimes you have bad days. Good relationships also mean that when someone is down or not feeling the best, you try to work it out, you give a person space, and you let them try to work it out. Your partner is someone who is your equal, and who loves you for who you are and what you are, who can forgive you for all your transgressions, or overlook certain things or put up with things. That's what being in a relationship means. When you finally decide to say the words I do, that takes the relationship to an incredibly new level, because you've already gained the trust and respect, but now you are agreeing to a lifelong commitment, or you're supposed to do that, but sometimes marriage nowadays is not like it used to be, and the marriage my parents promised to uphold is not the same type of marriage that some people that are in the younger generation have today. This means that people that used to be married for 70 years, that's a good thing, and sometimes people might be married for less time, and then divorce, but when you find the right person, that is when you'll know. That person will be able to deal with all of your nuances and all of your idiosyncrasies.

I think having a specialized relationship is cool, but the basic tenants still remain: if somebody wants to get involved in the lifestyle, or they want to play, I don't see a problem with that, but you have to make sure it's within the ground rules that are set between you and your partner.

Good Luck

Brian

 

 

Must say partly quite profound words that can really make you think. But what I wanted to get at was actually whether it has advantages for themselves or the partner in a relationship if someone has already gained experience in the direction.

[square_duck]

Relationships are complecated, in the best of times! You need to have something more in common than your underwear....possibly other kinks. There also has to be some kind of mutual attraction, and positive attitude towards one another ( not just sexual) but intellectual, and emotional......and a mutual respect. As I saud, they are  complicated, such as Brian pointed out in his post.... 

Any advantages might be in wearing the same sizes,saves on shopping ( both people wear meduims) possibly save on water, and toilet paper, though this is offset by the purchase of wipes.......unless you make your own washable ones. 

Shared experiances with products, how they perform and feel etc, someone to bounce thoughts off off.

Being in like minded company, since you both wear ( assuming both are AB/DL) f not this could be problematic. 

I am sure there might be more, but I'm tapped out at the moment......

[rusty pins]

I agree.  If you are not compatible overall and enjoy the same things and interests, any relationship will not last whether it's AB/DL related or strictly vanilla.  Lets say a guy is AB and his GF or wife loves the mommy role.  That is a great start, especially if they enjoy other shared interests.  If both partners enjoy AB or DL, that is also a good start.  It's less likely that one or the other will have complaints about their partner's diaper wearing and usage and more likely they will enjoy participating in it, but that is only one part of their life together.  Personally, I think if one person is AB/DL and the other is not, it might be much harder to make a relationship work, especially if there isn't much else in common.

Sometimes situations I have read here in the forum posts have started with a guy being AB or DL and the wife not happy about it but tolerates it and they set rules.  If that is the agreement, OK.  Often the guy ends up wanting more and more diaper time than agreed upon as time goes by and the wife finally reaches her limit, then divorce.  I say if an AB/DL has a relationship or marriage with a vanilla person, make sure each is OK with the other's kinks, set boundaries and rules and abide by them!  If down the road you want to modify those rules, make sure it's agreed upon by both parties, maybe first as a trial to see how it goes with the option to go back to the original agreement if one or the other is not happy.  If you can't compromise and work things out without being sensitive to the feelings of your partner, you are selfish and probably shouldn't be in that relationship.  As square_duck said, "You need to have something more in common than your underwear".

[Whatsthatsmell]

Well we don’t fight over the bathroom every morning any more.  I get up and put on my diaper and fill it up in the kitchen while she has the bathroom to herself for as long as she needs with no pressure that I will need to come in and poop.   It’s a small benefit bi guess but it has been working well for 7 years. 

Oh and diapers help prevent sex stains on the bedding. (She let’s me put a CLEAN diaper under her and play with it a bit.  Then all the mess gets thrown away.