Journey To Diaper Dependency

[DLJeff52]

Like others on this forum, I simply thought I'd log my journey to diaper dependence.  While incontinence may or may not end up being part of the result (and I know the pros and cons others have shared around this being the goal), I'm more interested in getting to a point where I lose control enough to consciously worry about having an accident to the point where I just continue to wear diapers.  I will log my observations on things like diaper performance, bladder observations, night wetting, lifestyle and diet.

1.  Preparation. I spent a number of weeks researching adult diapers.  Here are some sites and reviews that I found helpful along the way.  

• https://www.forbes.com/health/healthy-aging/best-adult-diapers/. They only reviewed a limited set, but ultimately also confirmed Abena Abri-Form as being tops, especially for day use. 
• https://www.xpmedical.com/adult-diaper-reviews One of the most thorough reviews.  Led me to choose to test both Better Dry and ComfiDry 24/7 for night. 
• https://www.idiaper.com/disposable-diapers-review.  Helpful but product limited
• I should note there are many other review sites, but I found these to have enough information to make a decision

2,  Purchase.  I researched a number of places to purchase adult diapers and found these to be my preference in order:

• www.llmedico.com They have a military discount, discount for recurring purchases and instant store credit for recurring purchases as well as the selection of products that I preferred after my research.  Since ordering I can attest that the customer service is top notch.
• www.xpmedical.com. Great selection.  No complaints, just found llmedico to service my needs at a slightly better cost.
• www.northshorecare.com I have heard great things about the Megamax, but was a little too pricey for me.  They also carry BetterDry
• Obviously, there are other sites that you can purchase from, but these seemed to cater most to the DL effort and I prefer to support local when possible.

3.  So what did I buy?  I purchased a case of BetterDry and a case of ComfiDry 24/7 for overnight and a case of Abena Abri-Form M3 for daytime.  The Abena's are cloth-backed which I prefer since I don't want to give away as much "crinkle" during the day.  Both the BetterDry and ComfiDry 24/7 are plastic backed.  

4.  What are my findings?  I can get about 5-6 wettings in the Abena's without a leak in the sitting position.  Granted, as you will see at the end of two weeks of 24/7 my wettings are already reducing in their volume, but still, very impressive and good value.  I have used the ComfiDry 24/7 for the first two weeks.  Will be trying the BetterDry the next two weeks.  I have not had a leak with the ComfiDry anytime overnight.  I have definitely woke up in the morning with the diaper completed saturated, but no leaks.  The wicking seems to be very effective as the entire diaper is wet in the morning instead of just the middle or front sections.  While the BetterDry is supposed to have a better capacity, it is also supposed to be less effective at wicking, so will let you know what I find.  

• Bottom Line:  I prefer the Abena M3 for daywear and can purchase those at about $.96 per diaper
• Bottom Line:  The ComfiDry has performed amazingly and I can't imagine a better overnight diaper...don't even need the plastic pants to keep leaks in line at $1.38 per diaper 

5.  Summary of Weeks 1-2

• Diet.
  • Gallon of water a day.  I use a camelback to drink from at my desk as I work remotely and it is easier to just have water constantly accessible
  • I also drink water every time I begin to pee
  • Almonds, yogurts, fruits, low salt foods
  • Otherwise regular meals, but I have noticed I'm less hungry and assume it is because I'm drinking more water where I may have snacked previously
  • 2+ cups of coffee in the morning
  • Diet Coke and Cranberry juice in the afternoon
• Routine
  • Bed at 10pm, ComfiDry 24/7, 5mg melatonin.  Over the past two weeks there have been times where the first wetting occurred when I was asleep.  I have also woken up with an erection which is my bodies attempt to resist wetting and being constricted in the diaper.  Not sure how to remedy this, but will be trying a number of different suggestion.  Almost always wake up for the second wetting, but able to just wet and go back to sleep.  Wake up at normal time of 6am and wet before getting up.  I would say 4-5 wettings a night, I may sleep through the first, but am awake albeit briefly for the rest.
  • Morning, I actually put on a cheap Assurance diaper from Walmart after a quick shower.  I am fairly regular and after my coffee, will need to go #2.  At this point I'm not desiring to mess myself, however, I'm really focused on relaxing my sphincter muscles.  So I will sit and work, but when the feeling comes to go #2, I will not hold it back but walk to the bathroom and allow myself to go.  Using the Assurance is helpful because at $.30 a diaper, it bridges the gap without me having to use or worry about resealing an Abena.
  • I wear Abena's throughout the day and drink water pretty steadily throughout the day.  Initially I was drinking like a fish to understand the absorbency of the diapers.  Abenas can handle 4-6 before they leak. This is in the sitting position.  I'm impressed with their capacity given they are not bulky at all.  I do wear boxers over them just to keep them "out of sight" and to reduce the little noise diapers make.  I have "scented" my privates after each change to make sure the urine smell doesn't carry, but staying hydrated has really helped reduce the odor.
  • Sitting down, the leak will ultimately come from the pressure applied when sitting, but I now have a good sense of when I've reached the limit.
  • I do listen to subliminal and hypnosis during the day and sometimes at night as I go to sleep.  Here are some free links that I've found helpful to my efforts:
    • https://vive-hypnosis.com/hypnosis/diaper-magic/
    • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6IxWdNuxv94
    • https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YsSaHctdUzA&list=PLecO7SLTO_q03c_q7VJP2zT2Kq7YipMS9&index=12
  • Different positions.  
    • Standing up, I now have a moment of awareness before I begin to wet.  There is very little bladder contraction or spasm before it happens.
    • Sitting down, there is also much less spasm or bladder contraction before I wet, although it is more than standing up.  Also, the more hydrated I am, the less the bladder contraction occurs.
    • Lying down, there are times when I don't wake up but this is the position where the most bladder contraction occurs before wetting.  Some of it is the angle of everything, some is breaking pattern is harder in bed, but I know this will take the most patience.  Melatonin has helped me sleep a little deeper and also fall back to sleep quicker when I wake up to pee.  The erection reaction to being constrained and resisting wetting is probably the most frustrating aspect, but I assume this too will fade over time.
• Changing in public.  I have had no issues.  I carry extra diapers in my computer backpack and simply change in the stall.  I try and wait if possible to exit and throw away the used diaper when no one else is there, but there have been times I've just carried it to the garbage and thrown it away.  No one really notices or cares.  I've been to family functions and out with friends and no one has noticed I'm diapered.  It may happen, but the more I do this, the less I think I'll care when it does.
• Goals for weeks 3-4
  • Stay motivated, I know it can get harder after the adrenaline of starting wears off.  Just want to make it to one month and I believe that will help me get a rhythm I can use moving forward.
  • Continue to relax my sphincter and all muscles at all times.  It really does feel like a "drop" as some describe when you relax everything, but it has become very easy to maintain that relaxation except when #2 is lurking.  I don't want to contract at all because I want to keep atrophy as much as possible.
  • Exercise more, simply to help with deeper sleep so I can potentially wet during sleep more.  I will not wear a diaper while running, but will just wet myself if needed.

OK! That's it for this update!  Next will be for weeks 3-4. Please let me know if this is helping anyone, otherwise I won't feel compelled to share!  That is my goal is to just provide my experience if others want to learn from it.  Of course would welcome your own lessons learned as well!

[Enthusi]

Wow!  I can’t wait to see your results.  Have you ever done a 247 stint before?  
 

In my experience it’s usually the 2-4 week point that gets most people.  That’s where the novelty wears off, and rashes and leaks get annoying and you realize that being 247 has lots of strings attached.  That’s not to discourage you. But just something to think about as you enter the next few weeks. ?

[DLJeff52]

13 hours ago, Enthusi said:

Wow!  I can’t wait to see your results.  Have you ever done a 247 stint before?  
 

In my experience it’s usually the 2-4 week point that gets most people.  That’s where the novelty wears off, and rashes and leaks get annoying and you realize that being 247 has lots of strings attached.  That’s not to discourage you. But just something to think about as you enter the next few weeks. ?

Thanks for the encouragement Enthusi!  I have not tried 24/7 this diligently before.  I would say I was like 18/5 the last time I did it!   I figure this next couple weeks will be the tough part.  I have the 30 day mark circled and highlighted on my calendar as motivation.  Also, on Day 17 I tried something different.  I spent the first 8 hours of the day wetting my pants with no diaper.  The rules were: 1) I had to let myself pee naturally, 2) no bathroom. 3)I couldn't change my planned activities, 4) every time after I wet I had to change my clothes, and 5) I had to have my camelback on and drink enough to cover one liter or more per hour.  I was out in the yard for most of the time, but came in to make lunch and made a mess in my sweatpants that dribbled to the kitchen floor and had to clean it up.  

I gave up changing after every accident while I was outside because I was pretty much constantly wetting little bits every 15 minutes or so, but still had to do ridiculous loads of laundry.  Bottom line was I wanted to go through the hastle of being soaked constantly to make wearing the diaper a relief and it worked!  I felt so glad to shower and put on my diaper after all that, I'm hoping it gave me another "push" to get to the 30 day mark!  Will let you know!

[Enthusi]

2 hours ago, DLJeff52 said:

Also, on Day 17 I tried something different.  I spent the first 8 hours of the day wetting my pants with no diaper.  The rules were: 1) I had to let myself pee naturally, 2) no bathroom. 3)I couldn't change my planned activities, 4) every time after I wet I had to change my clothes, and 5) I had to have my camelback on and drink enough to cover one liter or more per hour.

Well why didn’t you say this sooner!  ?

Going without a diaper and not stopping yourself from peeing when you feel the urge is a critical step towards unpotty training.  This is a huge deal. 
 

Trust me, when you become incontinent or even diaper dependent you have to get very comfortable with getting peed on and dealing with leaks and cleanup.  I’m not saying you should enjoy peeing yourself. Though it can be enjoyable. (Don’t judge!)  It’s a huge mental barrier to overcome, so if you are addressing that up front you’ll be in great shape. 
 

Keep us posted!

 

 

 

[ppdude]

Hats off to you for an excellent report and for doing your homework! I get my main diaper, ConfiDry (now Dry Care) from XP Medical (at the time had the best price with discounts for auto ship and others). Get my fun diapers from Northshore (Crinklz Aquanaughts) and other sources for plastic pants (e.g. CTDC). Have you checked for clothing (such as onesies). Just got one from CTDC in black that I like, but that's they're only solid color.

 

[DLJeff52]

10 minutes ago, ppdude said:

Hats off to you for an excellent report and for doing your homework! I get my main diaper, ConfiDry (now Dry Care) from XP Medical (at the time had the best price with discounts for auto ship and others). Get my fun diapers from Northshore (Crinklz Aquanaughts) and other sources for plastic pants (e.g. CTDC). Have you checked for clothing (such as onesies). Just got one from CTDC in black that I like, but that's they're only solid color.

 

Thanks ppdude for the feedback and suggestions! It is funny, I was just looking for a quality onesie and felt like I had struck out.  Will give CTDC a look!  I've heard snap strength is the thing to watch out for!  Also will give them a run for plastic pants.  My wife today said, hey do something about the odor, so any other tips you have on that would be great!  Will keep you all updated and again, thanks for the post!

[DLJeff52]

Quick Day 20 Update

I had just taken off my Abena M3 that I use during the day, and before I could change into my next diaper, I got a call from my boss.  I was then on a 20 minute call that I couldn't get off of because we were working on an important deal that was about to close.  With about 5 minutes to go, I felt my bladder begin to contract and was faced with the choice of "hold" or "stay relaxed".  While I had "allowed myself space on Day 17 to intentionally wet without a diaper to help reinforce my need for a diaper, this was different.  Even though I was at home, family was around and I was in my office.  Would be incredibly inconvenient to say the least to wet my pants at my desk.

The choice?  

I didn't hold it and recommitted myself mentally to the goal of NEVER tightening my sphincter.  I wet all over, created quite a puddle under my desk and now have the aggravation of cleaning that up as well as trying to get to my room unnoticed to change and get cleaned up.  I'm confident this will only help reinforce that I need to be diapered ALL THE TIME, even though that cold wet feeling and needing to clean it up isn't very fun (or is it?! :))

 

[DLJeff52]

WEEKS 3-4

Hi All!  I made it to 30 days of 24/7 diaper wearing!  Here's a summary of my journey! 

General Observations

• My bladder control is noticeably weaker.  
  • Really Cool (to me!) Random Stuff.  
    • There have been times where I've started peeing and then accidentally tried to squeeze to stop, but it didn't work, I would squeeze down for a second or two, but the pee would just continue regardless.  
    • There have been many times where I don't feel any stream at all, but just a growing warmness as my bladder spasm subsides, and the only way I know I'm done peeing is when my bladder pressure is gone. 
    • I have now had 2x #2 "accidents" where I define accident as just refusing to "clench".  I'm always trying to get to a bathroom, but will not stop it from happening.  Second time was ironically on my way into the urologist's office!
    • I am totally in the rhythm of wearing a diaper all day and all night.  It is becoming more matter of fact than anything else.  Feels like a normal rhythm.  
    • I have committed to wetting my pants three times a week as a reminder that I need to wear diapers.  I wet the other day while driving in the car, creating even more of a headache of cleaning the car out to reinforce I should never be out of diapers.  
  • Standing up, I still am aware that I'm about to pee, but after it starts I tend not to feel a stream of pee, but just a spreading warmness in my diaper as it fills up
  • Sitting down, I still feel the most pressure building before I go pee, but the rate at which the pee comes out is much slower and it feels like I pee a lot longer with dribbles and slower flow
  • Lying down is still the hardest to just let go when pressure builds.  I suspect it is because lying down has the greatest chance for leaking when my penis points up and lying on my side I know that I will eventually leak, so I suspect these make it more stressful to just let go.  
  • Nighttime.  I am taking 7.5mg Melatonin each night and still wake up before I pee at least 3-4 times a night.  Occassionally I'll wake up as I begin peeing and drift right back to sleep.  The earlier morning wettings are trickiest, I think because my mind knows I already have a soaked diaper and leaks are very possible.  I have a rubber mat and plastic pants to protect, but my mind still goes to leaky mess.
• (EDIT) Diapers.
  • I am now a Better Dry Convert.  They absorb far more, don't have as much crinkle and perform better for slide sleeping than the ConfiDry.  I would caution others that I found I need to size up in Better Dry relative to other brands, but by far the best performer I've tried.
  • The Abena's are good for quiet day wear, but I'm finding they don't hold quite as much as I thought when seated and I need to change them after 2 wettings, maybe 3 before I get leakage.
• It is much easier to choose to let #2 just happen then I thought.  As long as I refuse to clench, it just naturally happens even easier than peeing sometimes.
• Diet.
  • Gallon of water a day.  I use a camelback to drink from at my desk as I work remotely and it is easier to just have water constantly accessible
  • Drinking cranberry juice every day as a preventative for UTC
  • Almonds, yogurts, fruits, low salt foods
  • Otherwise regular meals, but I have noticed I'm less hungry and assume it is because I'm drinking more water where I may have snacked previously
  • 2+ cups of coffee in the morning
• Routine
  • Bed at 10pm, ComfiDry 24/7 or Better Dry, 7.5mg melatonin.  I can't remember wetting while I was asleep without waking up first.  I feel like I'm making progress at relaxing to pee at night, but suspect this will be a long-term effort to sleep through the night and wet unknowingly.  I usually listen to 30 minutes of hypnosis right before going to sleep.  I have started sucking my thumb and found it incredibly soothing.  It hurts a little where my teeth meet my knuckle, but I'm willing to  give this a month run to see if I can get used to it.
  • Morning, I'm now wearing Abena M3 for day use.  I am going to also incorporate the Better Dry Day moving forward for different situations.  The Abena M3 is quieter, but I've found it has leaked more often when seated than the Better Dry.
  • I have shaved my groin and use baby powder regularly in efforts to help with skin management and odor.  Have also used baby diaper creams as my skin has had itchiness or redness from the urine.  That has helped almost instantly and is now a morning ritual for prevention.
  • I am now the owner of 6 onesies.  I went with Adultclothdiaper and Rearz onesies and both seem to be holding up.  Adultclothdiaper seems to run large where I have found Rearz to be true to the size guides.  I got these primarily because I had experienced a lot of diaper sagging, but also love the feel.
• Changing in public.  Still have had no issues. After changing a messed diaper at the doctor's office, I believe there is little that can now intimidate me.   I have learned to always bring a change of clothes, a plastic bag to put #2 diapers in and plenty of wipes. 
• Goals for Month #2
  • Stay motivated by tracking my daily progress and continuing to live a normal activity life.
  • Continue to relax my sphincter and all muscles at all times.  It really does feel like a "drop" as some describe when you relax everything, but it has become very easy to maintain that relaxation except when #2 is lurking.  I don't want to contract at all because I want to keep atrophy as much as possible.
  • Exercise more, simply to help with deeper sleep so I can potentially wet during sleep more.  I will not wear a diaper while running, but will just wet myself if needed.

Would love any feedback or recommendations from others!  Happy Wetting!

[MLDK]

It sounds like you are on the fast track to incontinence. I’m impressed about how short time you have been doing this, and yet so far in your process.

I’m also seeking incontinence, but the relaxing part is very hard to do, with that I mean remain relaxed at all times. Do you have any recommendations for helping stay relaxed?

[Enthusi]

5 hours ago, MLDK said:

It sounds like you are on the fast track to incontinence. I’m impressed about how short time you have been doing this, and yet so far in your process.

I’m also seeking incontinence, but the relaxing part is very hard to do, with that I mean remain relaxed at all times. Do you have any recommendations for helping stay relaxed?

Not sure if your question was for @DLJeff52 or the group, but for me it took lots and lots of practice.  I used a repeat timer app that went off every 30 minutes. Whenever the alarm went off I relaxed my muscles for as long as I could.  Like anything else it wasn’t easy at first but got progressively easier.  
 

Also you should aspire to be relaxed 100 percent of the time but that is not a realistic goal. Even though my muscles are now defaulted back to relaxed mode,  I notice they automatically tense up whenever the adrenaline starts flowing.  I used to get worked up (pun intended) about subconsciously holding it in, but it stopped bothering me once I realized that you don’t need to be 100 percent relaxed all the time to be diaper dependent. 

[sparklezBear]

5 hours ago, Enthusi said:

I realized that you don’t need to be 100 percent relaxed all the time to be diaper dependent. 

This so very much

[DLJeff52]

@MLDK Thanks for the question!  Enthusi has so much more experience, so I really appreciate his comments!  Here's my experience, and I've learned more experiences are unique than common, but if it helps, please let me know!

1.  I am wearing 24/7 religiously.  This helps get a rhythm where I get instantly comfortable with relaxing and wetting.

2. I do consciously remind myself to relax everything over and over.  I believe it is now more of a natural state for me, and also appreciate Enthusi's comments about how when I'm moving or there is any adrenalin, I can become aware that I'm not 100% relaxed, but then just make the choice to relax.  

3.  When I feel the urge coming on, I relax even further and let it happen.  Sometimes, the urge builds before the release happens, but I choose not to try to accelerate anything other than maybe shifting my seat to help make it easier.

4.  I NEVER clench when I'm done peeing, and now I don't even have a great sense of when I"m even done as the trickle seems to continue well after I'm physically aware.

5.  DRINK WATER.  The easiest times to just relax and release are when I'm super hydrated.  I also practice drinking water every time I feel myself peeing. 

6.  I have extended this I WILL NOT CLENCH philosophy to #2 which has helped as well.  I'm not committed to doing #2 every time in diapers, but I am committed to not clenching and if it happens, well fine.

7.  Repetition breeds confidence.  Confidence that you won't leak, that no one will notice and that it is really no big deal.  So yes it is very much a mental exercise!

Hope that helps!! Open to any other questions you have along the way!

[MLDK]

Happy New Year to everyone.

@Enthusiand @DLJeff52 thank you both for your comments and recommendations.

I’m  working really hard on the relaxing thing, but I’m failing numerous times, which becomes so annoyingly clear when I feel pressure in my bladder and a need to relief myself, only to feel by the output, just how full my bladder turned out to be, despite my efforts. I’m literally flooding my diaper.

What’s even worse, is even when I feel the pressure in my bladder increases, I’m not able to let go, my sphincter refuses to open, and snaps shut. And then at other times, when I’m feeling nothing in my bladder all the sudden I wet myself, out of nowhere and with no warning I just feels my bladder and sphincter releases. It’s driving me crazy. It’s like I’m continuing to jump on the same spot, with no progression, it’s one step forward, and one step back again.

I have been 24/7; since 2013 just for the records, and yet, when I actually took a break this year, though still using protection albeit only suited for light incontinence, because I do have dribbling issues. I noticed I had full bladder control, meaning no accidents, yes strong urges did appear, but I had no problem holding myself until it was appropriate to urinate.

my conscious and subconscious mind in all these years never forgot about about bladder control, which essentially didn’t come as a surprise to me. Since the issues I have described, about my uncooperative sphincter has been an issue all these years.
So I have begun looking into ways to sort of persuade or convince my subconscious mind, that it’s ok to lose control, that I’m diapered, and hence there will be no issues. 
but all relevant positive reinforcement tools out there are in English, and English is not my native language, so I sort of doubt it’s impact on me, compared to native English speaking people.

Maybe, it’s not in my cards to become truly diaper dependent Aka losing control, and I must resort to recreational wearing, instead.

it’s depressing me that no matter what I do, nothing really helps.

 

[DLJeff52]

@MLDK...Thanks for sharing as I'm sure that is frustrating and hard to be transparent with your struggles.  I wish I had an answer to help.  It is interesting to me that at times you have no sense of urge and then begin wetting with no issue, but then other times you have a strong urge and struggle to release.  I'm not a doctor, but maybe a urologist would find something interesting given that seemingly "backward" response from your bladder?  It sounds like you have tried a number of things and certainly 9 years seems a solid run for conditioning to have had some success.  

The only other thing I can offer is that perhaps a doctor can prescribe something to "relax" the bladder.  This may have the effect of reducing the urge sensation intensity which may or may not help, but I truly don't have a solution I can say would work.  Again, thank you for sharing and I hope you can take joy in what you are able to experience instead of the frustration of where you have not yet been able to go.

Hang in there!

WEEKS 5-6

Hi All!  I made it to 42 days of diapered 24/7! 

Notable Observations

• Number 2 continues to increase in frequency.  I had 8 accidents (including 2 today to start the New Year) in the last two weeks.  Again, my goal is not to do #2 in my diapers, but also not to clench.  I find that the time between urge to go #2 and release is shortening and have been unable to get to a bathroom multiple times before I filled my diaper.  In part, this has been due to my being out and about more over the last two weeks with holiday shopping, etc.  The mess is somewhat annoying to clean up, but I'm getting into a rhythm with that and believe that is helping my "confidence" to continue to not clench.
• Most exciting is that 4 out of the last 7 nights, I realize that my first one or two wettings (only guessing the number by the time I'm waking up) are occurring while I'm asleep.  I will usually wake up for wettings 3-5.  I suspect this is because subconsciously I'm still worried about leaking, particularly with my penis up.  I've tried plastic pants to help with that confidence, but am finding that they keep me very hot at night and I haven't yet found the right size.  I will say that Better Dry has truly performed in my side sleep with no leak on the first and second wettings on my sides.  
• I am peeing much more frequently.  I would say 20+ times over a 24 hour period.  My volume has dramatically decreased with each episode and I can only assume that is my bladder shrinking.  I continue to try and drink water when I feel a release as I'm told conditioning this relationship is helpful to getting your mind associated with letting go when you drink.
• I have been slightly disappointed with the Abena M3 for day use. While I do like the quieter cloth backing, it definitely leaks quicker than I hoped in the seated position.  Perhaps this is unavoidable, but I'm open to cloth backed diapers that people have found better for day use where sitting is involved.   I'm using the Better Dry Day, but they crinkle as well, which again, is fine in most cases, but will not be good when I need to be out for work.
• Diet.
  • Below is what I've posted before, which I have not changed to much, although I'm adding cranberry juice twice a day and eating more yogurt pretty consistently.
  • Gallon of water a day.  I use a camelback to drink from at my desk as I work remotely and it is easier to just have water constantly accessible
  • Drinking cranberry juice every day as a preventative for UTC
  • Almonds, yogurts, fruits, low salt foods
  • Otherwise regular meals, but I have noticed I'm less hungry and assume it is because I'm drinking more water where I may have snacked previously
  • 2+ cups of coffee in the morning
• Routine
  • I don't wear onesies to bed as it usually creates to much constriction and results in erections that wake me up instead of releasing.  Onesies definitely help during the day to prevent sagging and some noise reduction.  I have 4 Rearz that have performed well and will likely add more.
  • I like just sleeping in a diaper and t-shirt for the "effect" and also for the temperature.  I do sleep on a pad in case there is leakage, but love the feel and comfort.  I tried plastic pants but have not found them that much more effective or helpful.
  • I now have wipes everywhere in the house and in my backpack for when I'm out.  I have a full supply constantly in my backpack for the "just in case".  I need to pack more change of clothes for when I'm out as I've had "accidents" a couple of times that would have been nice to change out of.
  • I have started using a binky at night.  I find it soothing, even though I'm not sure about the AB thing being totally where I'm heading, but it is a nice soothing part for falling asleep.
  • I do still listen to hypnosis right before bed with bedwetting the primary reinforcement I'm looking for.
• Goals for Weeks 7-8
  • Stay motivated by tracking my daily progress and continuing to live a normal activity life.
  • Continue to relax my sphincter and all muscles at all times.  It really does feel like a "drop" as some describe when you relax everything, but it has become very easy to maintain that relaxation except when #2 is lurking.  I don't want to contract at all because I want to keep atrophy as much as possible.
  • Exercise more, simply to help with deeper sleep so I can potentially wet during sleep more.  I will not wear a diaper while running, but will just wet myself if needed.

Would love any feedback or recommendations from others!  Happy Wetting!

[Jiraiya-Sama2390]

2 hours ago, DLJeff52 said:

I suspect this is because subconsciously I'm still worried about leaking, particularly with my penis up

Why not just keep it pointed down?

[DLJeff52]

@Jiraiya-Sama2390 Great question!! When it is pointed down is when I have the "hardest" problems!! 

[Diapered Dave]

12 minutes ago, DLJeff52 said:

@Jiraiya-Sama2390 Great question!! When it is pointed down is when I have the "hardest" problems!! 

Yes, if you're a guy who still gets nocturnal erections, pointing it "down" in your diapers can become painful during the night.

In my case, Mother Nature was kind enough to bless me with E.D. at the same time that my bedwetting became an every night problem. So I can point my penis down in my diapers, with no issues!!  It helps A LOT with no more leaky diapers when I sleep on my side.

[DLJeff52]

@Diapered Dave Great blessing in disguise!  I'm going to have to figure out how to keep my wife pleased in this venture.  I can already notice how incontinence is affecting my performance in that stamina is essentially shot and I'm not getting nearly as hard.  Any tips on this as appropriate would be appreciated.  Perhaps a private message would be more suiting to the community, but am definitely wrestling with this!

[DLJeff52]

Weeks 7-8

Hi All! Today marks my 60th consecutive day of 24/7!  I've set a short-term goal for 100 days as it helps me tackle this in smaller chunks instead of thinking about the year(s) involved in the journey.  Thanks to those of you who have offered advice and encouragement to this point! 

Notable Observations

• Nighttime
  • I have noticed an increase in nights where I either (a) am certain that at least one wetting was while I was sound asleep or (b) waking up vaguely remembering waking up either right before or during a wetting.  I take these as encouraging signs that I'm getting closer to a pattern of wetting while asleep, although I remain realistic about the timing this will likely take from what others have shared.  
  • High praise for Better Dry as I have had very few if any nighttime leaks, and I am a side sleeper.  I will say that I have opted to drink a little less before bedtime which has helped because I believe my 5am wakeup is consistently because my mind has registered that I have a "full" diaper and any more may cause a leak, so I have to "adjust" things to prevent that.  By drinking less, this has become not as much of an issue and I'm hoping my mind will follow and gain confidence that it is free to go even in those early morning hours.
  • I now have a pacifier every night all night and absolutely love the additional soothing it brings.  I'm going to get the larger NUK as I started with the size 5/6
  • I had three different dreams this month where I was peeing in my dream and woke up either while or right after peeing my diaper.  
• Daytime
  • I am averaging about two liters or more of water a day.  I leak often, especially after a wetting I notice it has a tendency to leak for 15-30 minutes.  
  • My bladder is shrinking as I now pee about 6-8 ounces each time where it had been 8-10 ounces previously.  
  • I am now going #2 almost every day. This is totally voluntary and I simply refuse to clench, allowing things to just happen in their timing.  My work from home allows this and I am fairly regular and now used to the process of cleaning up.
  • I use the Abena M3 for when I need to be out in public, but otherwise I'm using the BetterDry Day as it has a better absorbency when I'm at the home office.
  • I have found that I need to put a diaper rash cream on just about after every wetting as the skin on and around my privates gets very itchy or irritated if I don't.
  • I do use a onesie for support when I go out in public both to prevent diaper sag, to help muffle sound and to help conceal.  I have found the REARZ product to be sized correctly.
  • I have 20-22 wetting events throughout the day and notice them most often between 11am - 3pm when I am at my most consistent in drinking water.  I currently use on average 4 diapers a day and one at night.
• Mentally
  • It has been a little harder to push through some days where it is just annoying to have to do a diaper change or take care of irritated skin, but I seem to be able to get through those moments by staying busy or focused on other daily activities.
  • I do feel like I have a good rhythm now in terms of understanding how many diapers, where and when to change, etc.  I don't feel any stress around changing in public or fear that people will find out.  
• Diet.
  • Yogurt has been my favorite this month and it has really helped with #2 for a lot of reasons including odor and consistency.
  • I do drink two cups of coffee in the morning and then it is basically water for the rest of the day
  • I'm adding a goal of losing 15 pounds over the next 3 months and sustaining that for the rest of the year so I will be avoiding desserts and carbs as a way to address that in addition to exercise.
• Hypnosis
  • I definitely enjoy subliminal during the day and have found this YouTube and have found Positive Vibes Labs to have a number of good ones for my needs.
  • I also still fall asleep to a 30 minute hypnosis around bedwetting and 24/7 incontinence each night.
• Tracking
  • I have been tracking everything in Google Sheets and will try to share a version of that journal with each of you as others have found that type of tracking helpful in some way.
  • It helps me to track as I can be reminded of goals and celebrate different events or milestones along the way!

As always, I'm open to any tips, suggestion or feedback and love hearing from people if this posting is even helpful in any way!

[PuraVidaDip]

Keep it up! I am two weeks today Your journey helps me continue.

[DLJeff52]

@PuraVidaDip...appreciate the encouragement! That means more than you probably appreciate!  What's been the best or hardest part for your two weeks?

[PuraVidaDip]

1 hour ago, DLJeff52 said:

@PuraVidaDip...appreciate the encouragement! That means more than you probably appreciate!  What's been the best or hardest part for your two weeks?

Just staying committed. I jumped in due to some incontinence issues I was having at the time. Now its just staying committed past the two week mark. I am committed. I am a diaper wearer out of necessity now. I also want to continue.

The biggest commitment issue is daily activities in the future like golf (no great place to change where I play; people will notice eventually) or boating (I can leak but a bowel problem). And then I start second guessing my path.

[ppdude]

29 minutes ago, PuraVidaDip said:

Just staying committed. I jumped in due to some incontinence issues I was having at the time. Now its just staying committed past the two week mark. I am committed. I am a diaper wearer out of necessity now. I also want to continue.

The biggest commitment issue is daily activities in the future like golf (no great place to change where I play; people will notice eventually) or boating (I can leak but a bowel problem). And then I start second guessing my path.

You will learn to live with it and do whatever you need to do. Take extra diapers (and perhaps boosters) with you wherever you go. Get good ones that will last a while so that you won't need to change as often or can go longer until a convenient time. It all works out in the end. Be if good cheer-- it's just a part of life and continued good luck.

 

 

[DLJeff52]

37 minutes ago, PuraVidaDip said:

Just staying committed. I jumped in due to some incontinence issues I was having at the time. Now its just staying committed past the two week mark. I am committed. I am a diaper wearer out of necessity now. I also want to continue.

The biggest commitment issue is daily activities in the future like golf (no great place to change where I play; people will notice eventually) or boating (I can leak but a bowel problem). And then I start second guessing my path.

I can imagine the bowel incontinence is a whole different game when it comes to being in public.  Right now I'm only exploring that, but it would be incredibly challenging to be 100% incontinent for #2 and be out and about without immediate ability to "address" any situations that arise!  Maybe others have better experience with this, but at some point or in some way, letting people know your situation may help alleviate some of that stress I suppose!  Hang in there!

[PuraVidaDip]

5 hours ago, DLJeff52 said:

I can imagine the bowel incontinence is a whole different game when it comes to being in public.  Right now I'm only exploring that, but it would be incredibly challenging to be 100% incontinent for #2 and be out and about without immediate ability to "address" any situations that arise!  Maybe others have better experience with this, but at some point or in some way, letting people know your situation may help alleviate some of that stress I suppose!  Hang in there!

The accidents are getting annoying but the other times I’m also not really trying to fight it, so there is some control for now depending on the situation. Really the biggest challenge was me spiraling in worry about future activities. 
 

My wife and I spoke tonight about the future,  including a weeklong ski trip with her parents and brother and boyfriend next month, along with our kids. It’s been stressing me out but together we decided that if it’s diapers all the time then okay and let’s get you a diaper bag. If the family finds out which is inevitable then that’s okay too. This is a big relief in that she’s accepted my semi permanence for now.
 

We even discussed summer activities and decided shorter times out on the boat and if an accident happens I just stop the boat and jump in (as long as it’s safe). I feel so much better now it’s hard to describe without these huge obstacles to my diaper dependency. 
 

My wife showed me this tonight about a cycle of life I am going through based on my birth date basically. It’s the time for Letting Go Of Identity. Thank you God. It’s uncanny. I appreciate your concern and apologies if I’m hijacking your thread here.