Chat users violate no pm without asking first and they lecture me!

[Jennynappy]

Chat users violate no pm without asking first and they lecture me! All fucked!

[spoonchicken]

Give us a name and we'll "take care if it" 

[~Brian~]

10 hours ago, Jennynappy said:

Chat users violate no pm without asking first and they lecture me! All fucked!

@Jennynappy

I have also been lectured by a few people myself. Lucky for me, that was in my early days of chat on the net work. The problem I have is there are people who will PM you out of the blue, and ask you a question or two, and then if they don’t hear from you they continue to PM you.  Because I was a former IRC operator, I am used to having people ask me a bunch of questions, or send me messages. Each person has their own way of dealing with this, and each admin or chat moderator has their own rules as to how and when they will answer messages.

The way I do it is this:  I usually will answer questions of someone who is new, and allow them to Ask me anything they want. As long as the conversation is civil, and it doesn’t get out of hand, or inappropriate, I usually will continue to talk to them. During this conversation, I always tell a person who is PM’ing Me that the rule is that you should always ask permission from whoever it is you want to message in the normal chat window before you start messaging them privately. I have even warn them that some admin’s take a dim view of just being message right out of the blue. Usually the proper way of doing this is to ask for permission of the user as you know, and then you end up initiating a private chat.

As long as the conversation is civil and people treat me with respect I have no problem with answering questions. However, there are times when there are people who will just out and out message you for no reason without any provocation and I’ve had that happen at least twice. In both cases I have informed the admin’s of this conversation, and told them of what the conversation was: then the admin’s Will decide  what kind of punishment they want to use as a sanction. Sometimes it is a polite warning, sometimes it is a kick. Other times when a person is getting really ridiculous and they threaten admin‘s they deserve the ban.

Once I know who I’m talking with and I become familiar with them and comfortable talking to them, then I will allow them to PM me without permission but most of the time people will ask me anyway. If I tell someone to message me directly then I will answer anyway, but there are some people who will not follow a simple request. When I have a person who asked me a question and keeps on asking me that same question and it is something that is none of their business, then I will take action and band them Once I know who I’m talking with and I become familiar with them and comfortable talking to them, then I will allow them to PM me without permission but most of the time people will ask me anyway. If I tell someone to message me directly then I will answer anyway, but there are some people who will not follow a simple request. When I have a person who asked me a question and keeps on asking me that same question and it is something that is none of their business, then I will take action and Block them from being able to send me messages. On some cases, users have blocked people on chat and then turn off their messenger completely, because they are just getting deadpanned and message without asking permission first.

I know that the admin‘s are serious about this and I’ve seen them take people out because they don’t follow the rules. I still don’t understand why a simple rule cannot be followed, but maybe people don’t understand that there are people that don’t want to be messaged without permission first.

As @spoonchicken says, tell them who “Lecturing you“ and I’m sure that they will be “lecturing“ the person who is giving you the problem. Not only that, but they might end up getting the ban, as no one should be lecturing you the user, because you are following the rules. Kinda reminds me about one time when @AwakenEvil was being “threatened by a user“ let me Tell ya, that “user“ ended up getting taught a lesson – you don’t go around threatening admin‘s saying you’re going to do things to them that you have no intention of being able to do or ability to do and even if you could that’s not a good way to ingratiate yourself to our system. Let our admin‘s know who these jokers are and I guarantee you they won’t be lecturing you anymore.

Good Luck!

Brian

Edited September 20, 2021 by ~Brian~
Added additional Information

[willnotwill]

Many participants are turds when it comes to females on the board.   They feel entitled and the no PM rule is one of the ways to stop a lot of this abuse.    I've seen it first hand when my girlfriend ventured into the early ABDL chat rooms.

[Jennynappy]

13 hours ago, spoonchicken said:

Give us a name and we'll "take care if it" 

I have reported many. @MikeyD is one.

[spoonchicken]

Just sent MikeyD a message telling him  not to do it again "or else". Please inform the Admin team promptly if it happens again. ?

[Jennynappy]

Thanks to spoon. No thanks to long winded Brian.

[Jennynappy]

@dirtydiaperlover also pm me without asking first

 

[Jennynappy]

Another @Babygirl88888888 fucker!

[littlecait]

I have had it happen several times since I joined but to be fair most do follow the rules. I just remind them of the rule or ignore them. One woman and one guy seemed to get a bit pissy when I ignored them but most either leave me alone then or apologise. I also put on my profile description that I wasn't interested in men who wore diapers seeming as the main culprits were men- not sure if these guys even read that but thought it added a layer of protection! Think some of these men are so desperate to find a mummy that they don't take into account clues like "little" in your username! Just report, ignore, copy or paste the rules and even block if they persist.

[~Brian~]

6 hours ago, Jennynappy said:

Thanks to spoon. No thanks to long winded Brian.

@Jennynappy

I am sorry if you think I am long-winded. I have had over 30 years of experience in online communication. I deal with individuals in a very interesting way sometimes I have to get mean sometimes I don’t have to most of the time I don’t have to. I have had people message me the same way they message you and I deal with them in a way that is polite as long as they are polite to me that is the only thing that I was trying to tell you.

if they become an asshole while they’re trying to communicate then you end up having to take your communication to a new level. There are many of us who communicate online, and as I said each admin has their own ways of dealing with communication. I have dealt with many individuals in 30 years of online communication:  most of them have been pretty nice about it when I tell them that they are doing something wrong, while some of them can be hardnose. I have dealt with both ends of the spectrum.

Additionally, I was an online chat operator in Florida from 1995 until 2017. During this time there have been a lot of individuals who I have had to speak with. So when I give you the information that I gave you above it is based on experience and having to deal with many individuals some of them as young as 13 or 14 (we had an admin who kept a good eye on everything), and we used the ban function liberally when necessary.  I have also had people directly threaten me, and that is no fun either. So you have to have a way to deal with these individuals in a way that keeps your user base safe, as well as to keep the ridiculousness to a minimum. This is why our admin team does what they do. They don’t want any of these idiots to make our time on the chat server a bad experience, So they make sure that they deal with individuals who need to be dealt with very swiftly and very quickly.

Good Luck!

Brian

 

[~Brian~]

48 minutes ago, littlecait said:

I have had it happen several times since I joined but to be fair most do follow the rules. I just remind them of the rule or ignore them. One woman and one guy seemed to get a bit pissy when I ignored them but most either leave me alone then or apologise. I also put on my profile description that I wasn't interested in men who wore diapers seeming as the main culprits were men- not sure if these guys even read that but thought it added a layer of protection! Think some of these men are so desperate to find a mummy that they don't take into account clues like "little" in your username! Just report, ignore, copy or paste the rules and even block if they persist.

@littlecait

this is the best policy. If you speak to them and tell them that you are not allowed to private message someone without permission, and you tell them how you are able to get that permission, and they refused to do so the way you’re supposed to, the way you deal with this is to block them from sending messages to you directly. Then, you end up sending a message to an admin online and let them know exactly what happened.  @spoonchickenor another admin will deal with this situation, as he stated in the thread earlier.

Because there are people who do not seem to understand what you are saying above, I have seen users disable their personal messenger, and post a status to that effect. People need to understand that users are unique, and they have their own way of dealing with situations, I would hope that it is not necessary to disable personal messenger for a good many of us, but sometimes that is a way to stem the tide of personal messages that are sent unsolicited.  It’s always a good idea to read someone’s about page, and any other information that may be listed in their signature file, because there can be information that is pertinent within it.

Brian

[littlecait]

2 hours ago, DiaperboyEddie12 said:

I am with the rest of the folks here.  Like @~Brian~ Said above.  When someone pms me without asking they get the usual.

I just tell them that they need to ask before pming anyone.  As it is frowned on.  I then say they can pm me and if they want to talk that is fine.  But if they keep it up the admin mod team will be hearing about it.  And I tell them I do not want to see that.

I believe in ones privacy.  If someone should want to talk asking first is the easiest way to see if they want to chat to you or the other person.

There is a lot of pm's going on.

@Jennynappy I do agree @~Brian~ is well winded.  Though he is detailed about what he says.  There are days I have to skim his post or comments as it is to long for me to read.  But I do enjoy his comments.

I think Brian is an institution around here and that's just his way. He means well and has a kind-heart so we can't really ask for much more?

[~Brian~]

3 hours ago, DiaperboyEddie12 said:

I am with the rest of the folks here.  Like @~Brian~ Said above.  When someone pms me without asking they get the usual.

I just tell them that they need to ask before pming anyone.  As it is frowned on.  I then say they can pm me and if they want to talk that is fine.  But if they keep it up the admin mod team will be hearing about it.  And I tell them I do not want to see that.

I believe in ones privacy.  If someone should want to talk asking first is the easiest way to see if they want to chat to you or the other person.

There is a lot of pm's going on.

@Jennynappy I do agree @~Brian~ is well winded.  Though he is detailed about what he says.  There are days I have to skim his post or comments as it is to long for me to read.  But I do enjoy his comments.

@DiaperboyEddie12

thank you for your kind words! It makes me feel good to know that someone does understand that sometimes you have to be detailed in your responses. It is not my intention ever to be so long-winded that I get boring. As I said I have 30 years of experience of online communication, so it comes naturally that I would find ways to try to help someone reduce conflict and problems on the server.

Sometimes when you are dealing with individuals, or are you are posting information that you feel is relevant you can get a little bit too long winded. I have had several of these types of posts, where someone is asking a particular question, and I have to get really really specific about things, or explain something that sometimes makes it seem like the post is long-winded.  I have also 20 years of online form experience so I understand that as well. When you want to post information sometimes you can get long-winded, and sometimes the information could sound boring and repetitive. When I post a response, I always try to make it relevant to what we are talking about, and always try to give people my honest opinion, or my honest review of a product. I will always give my honest opinion.  
 

@littlecait

thank you for your kind words!  I do have a kind heart, and people have said that I am a “sweetheart“. DD is my home now, and it is my responsibility to try to help as many of you as I can, with relevant and current information. I am who I am, and I am glad I am who I am. This will not change I’m always the type of guy who wants to help as many people as possible, and sometimes, someone may think that what I am saying may not make sense to them, or that they feel like I am writing the Gutenberg Bible. This is not my intent. As I stated before my intent is to try to help as many people as I can. I feel good when I’m able to help someone. Because of my experience as an IRC chat operator, I can give the type of advice that I have given because I have seen many people and talk to many people and I have to deal with many peoples reaction. It all depends on the situation that you find yourself in, but as has been stated above no one should be messaging anybody without permission, and if you have friends that you have said that you can message anytime, then I would do that without hesitation.

you are all awesome people, and I salute you all! Many people do not understand the links that our admin team go through to keep this place safe playground for everyone to play, Post, and Chat. I have a unique perspective, because I have been on the user side, and I have also been on the administrative side where I I had to make decisions similar to those of our admin team as to what happens to individuals that break the rules. You have to make the best decision that you think is in the best interest of your user base or those that you serve online. I was always taught from the beginning, that when you are online you are not a cop, not a jailer, not an enforcer, but a tool: one who will help the user who is online as much as you can. There are always individuals who try to be jackasses, but you always try to let that roll off your back, and do the best for your home. When I post information like this, I am indeed giving advice that I have been given over the years, and it works!

to be clear: I don’t like to be that heavy, or a person who is trying to discipline anyone unless it is necessary. On very few occasions I have responded to posts were someone I believe is dead wrong. People have to realize that the staff that are here are The ones that make the decisions, and we must support them. We may not agree with them all the time, but we must support them. Being an enforcer is hard work, because you have to decide how to handle a situation and then act. Failure to act, could look like you are wishy-washy or weak, and I don’tlike to be in that position. On DD, I am not an admin, I am not a chat mod, but I am a user, and sometimes my training snaps back into force, and I use my skills to try to solve problems, rather than to throw the ban hammer.

Brian

[Jennynappy]

13 hours ago, DiaperboyEddie12 said:

I am with the rest of the folks here.  Like @~Brian~ Said above.  When someone pms me without asking they get the usual.

I just tell them that they need to ask before pming anyone.  As it is frowned on.  I then say they can pm me and if they want to talk that is fine.  But if they keep it up the admin mod team will be hearing about it.  And I tell them I do not want to see that.

I believe in ones privacy.  If someone should want to talk asking first is the easiest way to see if they want to chat to you or the other person.

There is a lot of pm's going on.

@Jennynappy I do agree @~Brian~ is well winded.  Though he is detailed about what he says.  There are days I have to skim his post or comments as it is to long for me to read.  But I do enjoy his comments.

Get lost

[DiaperboyEddie12]

1 minute ago, Jennynappy said:

Get lost

I am not sure what I did @Jennynappy But I will leave as you had asked me to!  I am sorry if I upset you.

[littlecait]

On 9/21/2021 at 2:19 AM, Jennynappy said:

Another @Babygirl88888888 fucker!

She won't quit pm'ing me either. I just blocked and reported her- hopefully they'll stop her.

[spoonchicken]

She's been banned 

[AwakenEvil]

Block button works wonders!

[~Brian~]

5 hours ago, AwakenEvil said:

Block button works wonders!

@AwakenEvil

Yes sir, it does   That way, you don't have any more issues with certain users:  I have a few blocked myself

Brian