I want this person to be wrong so bad, but she's right...

[WBDaddy]

I'm actually a fan of this particular YT person's sardonic humor.  And when I started watching this, my immediate reaction was to get my dander up and tell her what-for about how many AB's out there don't do this kind of stuff, how many of us are perfectly normal, well-adjusted humans who keep to ourselves and don't flaunt in public spaces or violate consent.

But then I realized...

We have copious problems with consent violations WITHIN our community.  The News section is littered with creepy people dragging unsuspecting vanillas into their diaper fantasies.  We had a couple of people think it was a good idea to fuck in one of the cribs set up at one of our big conventions a couple years ago.  People don't even respect consent here, on a fucking forum.  

I hear people complain all the time about how we are barely tolerated by the greater BDSM community, and how we are mocked and shamed by most people in general.  Well, stuff like this is a big part of the reason.  What the fuck is wrong with someone that they think it's a good idea to advertise their porn videos on Instagram, regardless of what kind of porn it is?  What the fuck is wrong with someone that they think it's a good idea to hang their AB flag out there on Instagram?!  13 year old kids are on Instagram!!!!

No, I didn't write her an angry screed.  I couldn't.  Lolitas hate us because they've had to deal with too many creeps like this at their conventions and in their online communities.  How can I be angry at what is a perfectly natural reaction to that kind of encounter?  #notallABs isn't going to impress them.   By the time I got through these videos, I wanted to write an open letter of apology to the Lolita community on behalf of all of us in this community that actually do respect consent, particularly the consent of the public at large, for the damage others in our community have done to them. 

We gotta do better.  We really do.  We'll never get any respect until we make sure that we're giving it, all the time, everywhere. 

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=niYuScHIZh0&list=PLt5lD9--_crvglvJ01IMjYwQVWa0zXDyn&index=7

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WzqBGUo1B8Y&list=PLt5lD9--_crvglvJ01IMjYwQVWa0zXDyn&index=22

 

[Apache Raccoon]

46 minutes ago, WBDaddy said:

 The News section is littered with creepy people dragging unsuspecting vanillas into their diaper fantasies.

You mean Daily Diapers news or do you mean actual news publications? 

50 minutes ago, WBDaddy said:

We had a couple of people think it was a good idea to fuck in one of the cribs set up at one of our big conventions a couple years ago.

Woah!! I hope they were banned from attending future conventions? 

55 minutes ago, WBDaddy said:

People don't even respect consent here, on a fucking forum.  

Have you any examples? 

 

 

[WBDaddy]

29 minutes ago, Apache Raccoon said:

You mean Daily Diapers news or do you mean actual news publications? 

DD News, sorry, should have clarified that point. 

30 minutes ago, Apache Raccoon said:

Woah!! I hope they were banned from attending future conventions? 

They were.  But it speaks to the problem we have in this community with respecting others' right to not be involved in your kink.

31 minutes ago, Apache Raccoon said:

Have you any examples? 

I can show you a long list of former (inactive) female members who fled here and elsewhere because they were inundated with creepy messages from male members.  Back when this forum was overwhelmingly male, it was practically a guarantee that when a female registered, she'd get hammered with PMs to that effect.  

Heck, my wife still catches metric fucktons of creep PMs over on Fet.  Of course, she rarely posts over here, so she doesn't generally draw a lot of attention to herself.  DD has gotten better about policing that kind of thing, too.  ABDLSF doesn't even allow new members to view profiles or send PM's, so that cuts down on the problem over there big time. 

[Sarah_Hillcrest]

Sorry but I can't heft the sins of an entire community on my shoulders and carry them around.  I can't worry about what every edgy subculture thinks about my edgy subculture.  Humanity in general has alot of bad actors in the community and perhaps someone should give them a good talking too.  

[ValentinesStuff]

Because no one in any other kink group ever did anything inappropriate in front of children or the "vanilla" public. 

[Pe@nut]

I agree with a lot that you say, particularly the news articles we all too often see.  I am not part of the community as such as I have never been to a meet, and I rarely post here.

I think it's hard for some people to realise that even with you little side, you need to make smart, adult decisions.

The only thing people can do is respect boundaries and let the extreme ones get on with it.  Eventually they may see the errors of their ways.

[SoakedinTexas]

She is an ass. She shames adult baby fetish while promoting Lolita fetish. Hmmm Not sure why she thinks she is better than others, but that is up to her to live with. I personally think she is an ass. 

[Sarah_Hillcrest]

10 hours ago, SoakedinTexas said:

She is an ass. She shames adult baby fetish while promoting Lolita fetish. Hmmm Not sure why she thinks she is better than others, but that is up to her to live with. I personally think she is an ass. 

I've watched a few of her videos in the past when I was looking into Lolita and it all just left me with a bad taste in my mouth.  Its been awhile but I remember feeling as if she was very judgy, and the community (as represented by her) revolved around elitism and consumerism of of expensive boutique brands.  I think some other lolita youtubers I watched were better though.  Anyway, I get her point, they probably don't want creepers around them, no one does.  So yeah. 

[WBDaddy]

23 hours ago, SoakedinTexas said:

She is an ass. She shames adult baby fetish while promoting Lolita fetish. Hmmm Not sure why she thinks she is better than others, but that is up to her to live with. I personally think she is an ass. 

No, that's the whole point.  Lolita isn't a fetish, it's a fashion statement.  There's nothing sexual about Lolita.  And that's why they get so angry about the associations. 

[BabyJilly_S]

I am new to this environment so dont have any knowledge of previous "incidents" or happenings so apologise if I am out of place.

I  watched 10 minutes of the first video to get the gist of what was going on. I totally agree that posts like that should never appear in sfw areas or places where children can see, consent obviously not given. That is the major point of this post . 

However i do disagree on a couple of points. Without knowing them I don't see people like that as being part of our community and if they are - what the hell are you doing? They look like opportunists trying to make money by pretending....such people have no morals and dont give a monkeys. They dont care who they offend or hurt as long as their message gets out there. There is a reason spam still exists and if 1 person clicks it has worked....

I don't agree with her lumping us all in with them and trying to assassinate our group as a whole believing this is what everyone is like. 

Additionally I dont think that these loli people "own" little girl type fashion and that no one else should be able to wear it lest it offend their sensibilities..... 

 

[WBDaddy]

1 hour ago, BabyJilly_S said:

Additionally I dont think that these loli people "own" little girl type fashion and that no one else should be able to wear it lest it offend their sensibilities..... 

I completely agree.  And if it weren't for creepers showing up at their conventions and behaving creepy, they wouldn't care if AB's wore Lolita clothes.  Hell, there's literally a subset of Sweet known as "Baby Lita" that at least hints that direction. 

I don't know what to do to solve the problem of creepers; maybe it's just something everyone in BDSM has to deal with and there isn't a solution other than ostracizing them.  I do think that we could benefit from some positive outreach to the Lolita community from AB's who *aren't* creepers and *understand* boundaries and *don't* sexualize everything, but I'm not entirely sure how that would work.  *shrug*

It's just frustrating, I guess, because my wife and I enjoy ageplay *and* Lolita, and we're far from the only ones out there, and it makes me sad that this is how we look to them.  

[BabyJilly_S]

I didnt realise these "creepers" existed, well, there are always extreme outliers in each walk of life. The internet has certainly emboldened these types to be more vocal as there is little comeback, but to turn up at conventions and be inappropriate is just nasty. You would hope that a quick call to the police would help remove them. 

As for mending bridges, if they name these people, and they are known they can be banned/ostracized as you say. Maybe that would be the start needed.

I am not surprised they want to distance themselves from us though, given the innuendo packed name the Japanese associated with the fashion - "Lolita" 

They are already fighting that battle before even having smut and creepers pushed onto their channels. Should have stuck to Kawai.

 

 

 

[SoakedinTexas]

On 11/15/2020 at 9:20 AM, WBDaddy said:

No, that's the whole point.  Lolita isn't a fetish, it's a fashion statement.  There's nothing sexual about Lolita.  And that's why they get so angry about the associations. 

For some the Lolita is a fetish for some it is a fashion statement it is not her place to say what someones fetish is and is not. Everyone is different and getting angry at others because they like the Lolita as a fetish is just like the diaper lovers getting angry because some like the adult baby side. 

[Cute_Kitten]

Lolita, light of my life, fire of my loins.  *runs away, ducks, and hides* (Couldn't resist, it needed to be said. sorrynotsorry)

Joking aside, there's creepers and weirdos in many different social communities. Each person is responsible for their own actions. I don't have any ideas on community self-policing etc.  Except when a creeper with odious behavior pops up, I will speak out loud and long to shame them and condemn their actions and show my utter disgust for their reprehensible behavior. That's the only thing I as an individual can do. We all play our parts- so maybe if a majority/ a lot of people spoke up to name and shame the degenerates, it would help discourage that behavior in the community. There's no way to completely erradicate it (unless we're gonna do ABDL North Korea-style) but if a lot of people speak up about it in the community it could give the impression/ let any outsiders, vanillas etc know the majority of the community does not condone such behaviors.  It won't convince everyone- there's always going to be people who see ABDLs as sick degenerates and associate ABDLs with pedos, etc. We can say we're not until we're blue in the  face, some just won't be swayed. I guess that's just human nature. At the end of the day, all I can do is be ashamed/ disgusted by the creepy behavior and speak out when it pops up in an attempt to discourage it in the future. 

News outlets tend to like sensationalist headlines. Creepers in the park flashing their genitalia at innocent passersby are a dime a dozen. But a diapered creeper in the park! Hey, now that's front page material!  So that just adds more fuel to the "ABDLs are a bunch of sick perverts" schtick. 

The idea of positive outreach sounds good! Maybe building bridges could help change some minds.  And I strongly agree that the lolita do not own little girl-type fashion and if they get offended by it....well, don't let it make you (a general, public you) feel ashamed of yourself. You know you're not a creeper, and diapers and lolita etc aren't hurting anyone (it's not like taking or selling drugs or being an alcoholic etc) so I say keep doing what you enjoy. Life's too short.