Train body and mind to use diapers in bed

[sjaeger]

Kind of emotional as on Tuesday my Occupational therapist and my Key Support worker (Registered Nurse) are telling me to purposely use my diapers after I have taken my night time meds as the medication combo (Epilium, Seroquel and Melatonin) makes me a severe fall risk and had falls getting to the bathroom. As I tend to lately use bathroom in middle of night due to being winter here and live on my own.

I have mobility issues during day due to back and feet issues as well but extremely more unstable on my feet after my night time meds

 

Logically it makes sense but unsure how to handle the emotional barrier.

Going to get my Key Support worker to measure me tomorrow to order Gary active wear everyone has been recommending me to wear over top of disposable. Any emotional and practical advice would be useful

 

Thanks

[John Davis]

It will get better, just give it time.  As you are aware of the emotional barrier, that will make it easier.

The Gary Active Wear diaper covers are a very good choice. I use them.

Best wishes.

--John

(double incontinent)

 

[Cute_Kitten]

You could try talking about your emotional concerns with your occupational therapist and your key support worker. They might be able to offer some advice on strategies you can use to help cope with the emotions/ learn how to deal with them. Sometimes just talking about it helps. Or even just venting here on the board.  

[oznl]

I can personally recommend the Gary terry-lined plastic pants over disposables in bed.  The terry lining will deal with any minor leaks that may occur leaving your bedding clean and dry.   That insurance may help your general level of comfort with the whole deal.  At a minimum however, some kind of waterproof pant is a must for me.

The only other comments I would make would be:

1. No matter what some might tell you, it's actually decadently comfortable NOT to have to get up to pee - especially if it's cold and the middle of the night if you're in a securely fitted nappy.
2. It can be habit-forming.  These days I often don't remember wetting my nappy during the night but the evidence is in my underwear in the morning.

[stevewet]

Very 

8 hours ago, oznl said:

I can personally recommend the Gary terry-lined plastic pants over disposables in bed.  The terry lining will deal with any minor leaks that may occur leaving your bedding clean and dry.   That insurance may help your general level of comfort with the whole deal.  At a minimum however, some kind of waterproof pant is a must for me.

The only other comments I would make would be:

1. No matter what some might tell you, it's actually decadently comfortable NOT to have to get up to pee - especially if it's cold and the middle of the night if you're in a securely fitted nappy.
2. It can be habit-forming.  These days I often don't remember wetting my nappy during the night but the evidence is in my underwear in the morning.

Very habit forming and soon just becomes normal. I couldn't imagine not wearing nappies to bed and not waking up wet every morning.

[rusty pins]

On 6/4/2020 at 2:54 AM, sjaeger said:

Kind of emotional as on Tuesday my Occupational therapist and my Key Support worker (Registered Nurse) are telling me to purposely use my diapers after I have taken my night time meds as the medication combo (Epilium, Seroquel and Melatonin) makes me a severe fall risk and had falls getting to the bathroom. As I tend to lately use bathroom in middle of night due to being winter here and live on my own.

I have mobility issues during day due to back and feet issues as well but extremely more unstable on my feet after my night time meds

 

Logically it makes sense but unsure how to handle the emotional barrier.

Going to get my Key Support worker to measure me tomorrow to order Gary active wear everyone has been recommending me to wear over top of disposable. Any emotional and practical advice would be useful

 

Thanks

You need to put things in perspective.  Diapers are an aid for most incontinent people so they can get on with a normal daily life.  Sometimes diapers are a temporary need, such as people who have had prostate surgery or other issues that could cause temporary incontinence.  Look at all the commercials for women who wear Depends or a similar product when they excersize or do something that may cause a leak.  Sometimes what they use is temporary and sometimes it can end up being permanent, but it aids and helps them to go about their normal life.  

Look at life this way.  Some people have problems with their vision either from birth or they develop it as they age.  They wear glasses.  Some people have problems walking either from birth like Cerebral Palsey, some type of accident that caused damage to their body or legs, progressive desiese like MS or from getting older.  They may use a cane, walker or even a wheelchair.  Some may have hearing problems, again either from birth or as they age.  Depending on their situation, they may wear hearing aids or learn to read lips or sign language.  These are all aids or products to help people get along in life with their issues.  There probably isn't a single person who hasn't been in the hospital for an injury or surgery that left without needing some type of aid to help them as they recover, such as a cane, medication, bandaging, crutches, wheelchair and yes, incontinence products.

Sure, we all want to feel as normal as we can, just like the average person who goes about his daily life, but sometimes that just isn't possible.  As much as I would hate to be in a wheelchair, I don't look down at someone who is with sympathy.  I work with a great fellow in a wheelchair and it pains me when I see people treating him like he needs help!  For peat's sake!  He's a regular guy, smart, knows his job and can handle himself.  People tend to forget that people adapt to their disabilities because they have no choice if they want to get on with as normal a life as they can.  The people in wheelchairs I have worked with drive their own cars, get to and from work, do their job and never ask for any help.  There are things in life that happen to us that we have no control over so we just have to do what it takes to move on with our life.  I would never think bad of someone who uses a wheelchair to get around, glasses to be able to see better, hearing aids so they can hear or a cane or walker to help them get around without falling.  The same goes for someone who has to wear diapers to keep their pants dry.  Diapers are a tool or aid to help one who has a situation where they need them for quality of life.

I don't know your whole situation and weather your medications and occupational therapy is a temporary situation due to an accident you were in or a medical issue you are dealing with, but if it is a temporary thing and you will get better eventually, then wearing and using diapers at night (at their suggestion) will help you from having a fall that could injure you and set back your healing.  It's one thing to enjoy wearing diapers now and then for personal pleasure, and another when you find that you suddenly have no choice in the matter and have to wear them for medical needs.  It's the stigma of diapers and not controlling your eliminations that upsets people.  Diapers are the one thing people find disgusting instead of glasses or wheelchairs.  It's hard for them to understand someone eliminating their body wastes into a diaper they are wearing against their skin, especially since that is what babies do until they are potty trained.  I feel safe in saying most adults have changed diapers or have seen friends with toddlers who have wet and soiled themselves and while it is a necessary chore when you have kids, it's not the most pleasant one to do.  The whole thing with changing baby diapers and getting a kid to learn using a toilet has caused people to view diapers negativity and they have become blind to the reason some people may need them later in life.  They don't look at them as just a tool to help people lead a more normal life, and that attitude tends to project itself to those who need diapers making them feel worse about having to wear them.  People would feel a lot better if others treated diapers like glasses.  Having a positive attitude towards people who need diapers and an understanding of their situation would do a whole lot for people with incontinence.  Proof?  All the TV commercials for bladder products you see and how they are made.  They project the image that everyday people all over the world pee themselves and use some type of bladder control to keep from wetting their pants.  It's just a normal thing to do and acceptable!  30 or 40 years ago it was unheard of until June Allison started advertising Depends for "her mother" on TV.  Now look at all the commercials for incontinence and bladder leakage for both men and women!  As time goes on, it's possible everyone will be more accepting and understanding of people who need to wear diapers and the stress and stigma will decline. 

Best thing I can say to you is realize there are things that happen, you have therapists and key support people working for your benefit.  I'm sure you are not the first person they have seen with your situation and you won't be the last.  Telling you to wear diapers and use them at night to avoid falling and injuring yourself due to your medications is looking out for your best interests and while it's hard to get over the fact that you may need to wear diapers to deal with your issues right now, there is no shame to be felt for a medical situation you are in.  It may be only temporary depending on what you are going through, but even if it does end up being long term, I would rather wear diapers than being blind, deaf or in a wheelchair.  Of all the possible things that can happen to a person, having to wear diapers is probably the least thing to end up with.

By the way, I have severe arthritis in my feet and ankle to the point there isn't much that can be done to help it.  I have had one knee replaced and another one is bad.  I have bad back problems as well and I often limp some and find it hard to sit.  Sometimes when I have overdone things, I find I will need a cane and even a walker for part of the day just to get up from the chair or walk to the kitchen or bathroom.  I expect it to get worse and not better but I'm prepared to deal with it and get on with my life as normally as possible.  I accept that there are things I can't do anymore but find other new interests.

[sjaeger]

22 hours ago, rusty pins said:

You need to put things in perspective.  Diapers are an aid for most incontinent people so they can get on with a normal daily life.  Sometimes diapers are a temporary need, such as people who have had prostate surgery or other issues that could cause temporary incontinence.  Look at all the commercials for women who wear Depends or a similar product when they excersize or do something that may cause a leak.  Sometimes what they use is temporary and sometimes it can end up being permanent, but it aids and helps them to go about their normal life.  

Look at life this way.  Some people have problems with their vision either from birth or they develop it as they age.  They wear glasses.  Some people have problems walking either from birth like Cerebral Palsey, some type of accident that caused damage to their body or legs, progressive desiese like MS or from getting older.  They may use a cane, walker or even a wheelchair.  Some may have hearing problems, again either from birth or as they age.  Depending on their situation, they may wear hearing aids or learn to read lips or sign language.  These are all aids or products to help people get along in life with their issues.  There probably isn't a single person who hasn't been in the hospital for an injury or surgery that left without needing some type of aid to help them as they recover, such as a cane, medication, bandaging, crutches, wheelchair and yes, incontinence products.

Sure, we all want to feel as normal as we can, just like the average person who goes about his daily life, but sometimes that just isn't possible.  As much as I would hate to be in a wheelchair, I don't look down at someone who is with sympathy.  I work with a great fellow in a wheelchair and it pains me when I see people treating him like he needs help!  For peat's sake!  He's a regular guy, smart, knows his job and can handle himself.  People tend to forget that people adapt to their disabilities because they have no choice if they want to get on with as normal a life as they can.  The people in wheelchairs I have worked with drive their own cars, get to and from work, do their job and never ask for any help.  There are things in life that happen to us that we have no control over so we just have to do what it takes to move on with our life.  I would never think bad of someone who uses a wheelchair to get around, glasses to be able to see better, hearing aids so they can hear or a cane or walker to help them get around without falling.  The same goes for someone who has to wear diapers to keep their pants dry.  Diapers are a tool or aid to help one who has a situation where they need them for quality of life.

I don't know your whole situation and weather your medications and occupational therapy is a temporary situation due to an accident you were in or a medical issue you are dealing with, but if it is a temporary thing and you will get better eventually, then wearing and using diapers at night (at their suggestion) will help you from having a fall that could injure you and set back your healing.  It's one thing to enjoy wearing diapers now and then for personal pleasure, and another when you find that you suddenly have no choice in the matter and have to wear them for medical needs.  It's the stigma of diapers and not controlling your eliminations that upsets people.  Diapers are the one thing people find disgusting instead of glasses or wheelchairs.  It's hard for them to understand someone eliminating their body wastes into a diaper they are wearing against their skin, especially since that is what babies do until they are potty trained.  I feel safe in saying most adults have changed diapers or have seen friends with toddlers who have wet and soiled themselves and while it is a necessary chore when you have kids, it's not the most pleasant one to do.  The whole thing with changing baby diapers and getting a kid to learn using a toilet has caused people to view diapers negativity and they have become blind to the reason some people may need them later in life.  They don't look at them as just a tool to help people lead a more normal life, and that attitude tends to project itself to those who need diapers making them feel worse about having to wear them.  People would feel a lot better if others treated diapers like glasses.  Having a positive attitude towards people who need diapers and an understanding of their situation would do a whole lot for people with incontinence.  Proof?  All the TV commercials for bladder products you see and how they are made.  They project the image that everyday people all over the world pee themselves and use some type of bladder control to keep from wetting their pants.  It's just a normal thing to do and acceptable!  30 or 40 years ago it was unheard of until June Allison started advertising Depends for "her mother" on TV.  Now look at all the commercials for incontinence and bladder leakage for both men and women!  As time goes on, it's possible everyone will be more accepting and understanding of people who need to wear diapers and the stress and stigma will decline. 

Best thing I can say to you is realize there are things that happen, you have therapists and key support people working for your benefit.  I'm sure you are not the first person they have seen with your situation and you won't be the last.  Telling you to wear diapers and use them at night to avoid falling and injuring yourself due to your medications is looking out for your best interests and while it's hard to get over the fact that you may need to wear diapers to deal with your issues right now, there is no shame to be felt for a medical situation you are in.  It may be only temporary depending on what you are going through, but even if it does end up being long term, I would rather wear diapers than being blind, deaf or in a wheelchair.  Of all the possible things that can happen to a person, having to wear diapers is probably the least thing to end up with.

By the way, I have severe arthritis in my feet and ankle to the point there isn't much that can be done to help it.  I have had one knee replaced and another one is bad.  I have bad back problems as well and I often limp some and find it hard to sit.  Sometimes when I have overdone things, I find I will need a cane and even a walker for part of the day just to get up from the chair or walk to the kitchen or bathroom.  I expect it to get worse and not better but I'm prepared to deal with it and get on with my life as normally as possible.  I accept that there are things I can't do anymore but find other new interests.

So true just need help/therapy to get over it and just use them.

I have mild thoracic sccoilosis, and arthritus in my entire spine as well as L3L4L5 S1 nerve impingement as well as balance issues during day (to the point I need my cane as well as really high arches and other feet issues (to the point I cant weigh bare on feet) so I am a high fall risk during day and after I take my seroquel (Bipolar) and other meds I become a extreme/severe high fall risk.

Thanks also I am ashamed of seeing the conviences of using during day (after being on these kind of fetish sites which I find is easier to get support from than in real life) as I am in them 24/7 (hope this doesnt disgusts anyone as it does me)

[BlakeJordan]

First off, I was on serequal for years in my late teens. I completely get that fall risk. In the end it was drug resistant epilepsy that was causing the hallucinations and bipolar like symptoms, but nonetheless I have experience with those drugs. I also spent 9 months on my hands and knees due to those seizures presenting as extreme vertigo, and today have mobility issues that put me at fall risks. I keep a cane by my bed, as for now it is intermittent disruptions in nerve functions.

It’s taken me a long time to reconcile my physical needs for diapers, along with my psychological needs for diapers. I am now at the point in life where there is so much overlap between the two it’s impossible to decouple.

Here’s what I’ve learned.

I determined that the reason for my shame is two fold. First the social stigma is the biggest issue I still struggle with. I asked myself “if diapers were not stigmatized in the way they are, would I be okay and confident in using them as a tool to manage my physical health, and to make my life easier and more convenient?” The answer for me was, yes absolutely. It took a bit more work to be okay with the convenience aspect, but I ended up pairing it with Spoon theory ( https://butyoudontlooksick.com/articles/written-by-christine/the-spoon-theory/ )and once I realized how much extra energy I was spending to avoid the internal conflict/stigma I attached to this tool, I basically concluded the cost wasn’t worth it.

The second part was coming to terms with the psychological need. I had to admit and come to terms that, yes, I do actually need diapers from a psychological point as well. It took work with accepting this, and most of that work came in the form of how I look at mental health issues, and how much harder I am on myself about them in comparison to physical health issues. I realized that I saw mental health issues as a character flaw, a reflection of how society still views mental health, in comparison to physical health. No one gives the person with high blood pressure, diabetes, cancer, stroke, or any other “organic” health issue/disability a second thought/pass judgment. But for some reason our society still believes that mood, hallucinations, anxiety, and the rest are somehow a character flaw, and that if the person just worked harder they could think or will themselves out of that state. It’s still believed that although all in the brain, that it is somehow not organic, and a person chooses to live with bipolar, psychosis, and the rest. All they need to do is choose not to.

This of course is bullshit. More and more , the consensus is at least starting to finally lean towards “everything is organic in nature” and “just because we don’t understand the presentation, and the only way to treat it is through drugs that happen to have a correlation with changing chemical balances in the brains of rats, or through therapy that changes the plasticity of the brain, doesn’t mean that the origin is hysteria, a choice, of not something that came from the organic physical nature of the brain”. This is obviously a sore spot for me, and I’m biased, so I’ll stop here on this point.

The larger point I’m trying to make is that I had to come to terms that just like diapers, mental health issues are highly stigmatized and put the disgust/ blame squarely on the shoulders of the individual as a character flaw. It took a lot of using cognitive behavioral therapy techniques to reframe this, and to validate my mental health issues in the same way I validate my physical health issues.

I eventually learned that I needed to stop blaming myself for the tools I used to get through life.

In your situation I would reframe the need for seraquil, and thus diapers due to the side effects as a valid treatment option, and way of dealing with side effects of a medication that allows you to move forward and make progress in your health and life us the safest way possible. I would compare the outcome of needing to wear diapers due to a fall risk in the same way I would view a medication used to treat a physical health issue. In my case for me that comparison is keppra, and muscle relaxants, used for seizures and muscle spasms accordingly. I would also compare the need to use diapers for fall risks to my nerve issues, and autonomic dysfunction/pots (postural orthostatic hypotension) which puts me at a fall risk when I get up too quickly, my blood pressure drops and I faint.

For me the battle is/has always been validation of myself and my health. Validation of the tools I need to keep me going and safe. Looking at diapers as a treatment option, a coping mechanism, a tool in my tool belt to live a full life, just like a cane, a medication, a brace, etc. it took work to realize my shame and hesitation came from social stigma and realizing how I projected that on myself. It took constant comparison for reference points of how I deal with other issues that have strong social stigma. It took a lot of reframing and critically looking at the cost/benefit of using diapers for both mental a physical health. I had to step back and look at how others deal with stressors, realize that I’m comparison to substance abuse, ending up in a hospital due to a broken arm (happened, twice), making a mess on my bed because I could not safely get to the restroom (happened more times than I could count), using alcohol to relax (nod helpful with the medication interactions), diapers actually don’t have too many awful side effects. Yes, they smell, yes they are stigmatized, yes the can become a burden. But you know what, those are small issues and side effects in comparison to the their payoff and alternatives. Does it mean I don’t have to constantly work at being okay with using them? No. But at least now I can frame that work through the lens of self acceptance, self love and care, and work on integrating this tool into my life.