The Magical Place (Complete)

[Sophie ♥]

Hey everyone!  This is a personal story I wrote with some help from my friend @RukaP.  It's about a princess who has trouble finding her little feelings, which is something I’ve struggled a lot with in the past.  I hope that this tale helps all the other princesses and princes out there, who might need it.

This story isn't up on Patreon yet, because I'm still doing final edits and stuff.  But I'll have it up there in a few days.

As always, thanks for reading!

~Sophie

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A Magical Place
By: Sophie

 

Prologue:

I closed my bedroom door with a sigh, rubbing the sides of my head with my palms.  It had been a long day.  An exhausting day.  ‘Like every other day of my life’ I thought.

I sat down on the edge of my bed and looked around my room.  Next to the door, a bulletin board was littered with push-pins and post-it notes.  To do lists.  Reminders.  Stuff like that.  Beneath it, my piles of clothes were carelessly strewn about the top of my dresser.  I should have put those away days ago.  But the windows on the far wall were black and empty; clouds hid the stars.  I had to get to bed soon.

I changed out of my day dress and into a long grey shirt; this was the only time I didn’t have to look my best.  Then I peeled the cold sheets away from my mattress and climbed into bed.  As I laid there, staring up at the ceiling, I counted the hours.  In ten, I would need to be dressed for the council meeting.  In eight, I would need to eat a quick breakfast of eggs and toast.  In six, I would need to wake up.  Until then, I was alone.

Alone for six hours.  My thoughts drifted to warm summer nights, years ago.  My friends and I would make up songs and put on concerts in the town square.  I stayed out until sundown catching frogs by the river.  And when I finally crawled into bed, my teddy bear and I would exchange stories until I had fallen asleep.

I never could find solace in solitude.  Rather, on nights like this, I would feel a rising fear in my chest.  Like something could come out of the dark and snatch me up.  It would rip me away from this kingdom like an old patch.  But there were no monsters in the dark.  Every adult knew that.

I looked up at the teddy bear from ten years ago, sitting on a high shelf in the corner of my room.  With a quiet sigh in a quiet room, I closed my eyes and urged myself to sleep.

A sharp sound snapped me back into the waking world.  A loud bang, without an echo, like a ruler on a student’s desk.  But as I searched the room in a panic, I didn’t find a ruler or a desk.  I found a woman.

“Sorry about that,” she whispered in the darkness. “I didn’t mean to wake you.”  

She had a lit candleholder in her hands, and warm light flickered across her face.  Beautiful bright eyes.  A cautious smile.  And she was dressed in a maid’s uniform.  I rubbed the sleep from my eyes with annoyance.

“What are you doing in here?  It’s the middle of the night.” How long had it been since I’d fallen asleep?  A minute?  An hour?  I hoped I could fall back asleep after all this…

“I’m just getting something,” she said, and began rummaging through the chest at the foot of my bed.  I took in a sharp breath and balled my hands at my sides.

“Excuse you!” I said harshly, breaking the pattern of whispers. “This is my bedroom!  That’s my stuff!  Are you new here or something?  Don’t you know who I am?”

“You’re the princess,” the woman said plainly.  Then she pulled a small pacifier out of the box and slid it into her pocket. “There we go.”  

“That’s not yours,” I said sharply.  Though it was hardly mine anymore, either.  Something from a long time ago, when I was very little.

“Are you still using it?” the woman asked with a little laugh.

“No, but…” But just seeing it hit me with a wave of nostalgia, like someone had punched me in the stomach.  All those memories came trickled back.  Building sand castles at the beach.  Tea parties with imaginary tea.  Pretending to be super heroes.

“Hm?” The woman tilted her head and caught my eye. “Are you alright?”

“I’m fine.” But I didn’t feel fine.  This late at night, I never felt fine.  Why did she have to wake me up?  Couldn’t she wait until morning to get some old pacifier from my room?

“You seem a little lost,” she said to me, sitting on the edge of my bed.  I gave her a look of confusion.  I’d never had a maid sit on my bed before, in the twenty-odd years I’d been living in this castle.  There was a clear dichotomy between a princess and her help.  But the woman sat down so effortlessly…

“Who are you?” I nervously asked.  An assassin?  A robber?  Or just one of the villagers trying to take my stuff?

“A princess, like you,” she said brightly. “I’m Rachel.”

Princess Rachel… it didn’t ring a bell.  But the way she spoke and smiled, I knew she had some formal training.

“And why are you in my room?” I asked.

“I told you.  I was getting something.”

“My old pacifier?”

“Yep!”

“Why?”

“Because I don’t have one.”

…she wasn’t making any sense.

“You seem to have a really busy life,” Rachel said, glancing around my room at the stacks of papers on my nightstand.  I had to read through them before the weekend.

“That’s the life of a princess,” I sighed. “Meetings, papers, ceremonies… the work never ends.”

“Sounds awful…”

“Yeah.  But that’s just how the world is.”

“Well,” she answered, “it doesn’t have to be.”

I looked at Rachel as she stood up, smiling down at me with mischief in her eyes. 

“There’s another place.  A lovely, safe, adorable place.  Warm… inviting.  Soft… beautiful.  Free of fear and shame and guilt.” The way she spoke about it… it was almost entrancing. 

“A place like that doesn’t exist,” I told her, though I was no expert on geography or world travel.  Maybe it did.  Wouldn’t that be a dream come true…

“It does,” she assured me, “but only magical princesses get to see it.”

“Well, I’m a princess,” I said, “but magic isn’t real.”

“Oh,” Rachel sounded almost disappointed in my answer.  But she nodded her head all the same. “Well… then I’ll have to keep looking.”

She took a few steps toward the door and I felt a flurry of emotions.  A place where everything was warm and soft?  A place that was inviting and safe?  It couldn’t actually exist.  But I needed it to.  I needed to be away from these awful feelings.  I needed to stop being afraid.

“Wait!” Rachel’s hand was barely on the doorknob when I called out to her.  She turned to look at me with confusion and I sulked into my bed with blushing cheeks.  I couldn’t believe I was actually going along with this, but… “Tell me more… um… about this place.”

With a smile, Rachel returned to my bed and patted me softly on the top of the head. “Of course.”

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Like & Comment!  Please consider supporting me on Patreon.  

[RukaP]

So glad to see this come to life! This is one of those stories I feel can be shared with many cross-sections of the community: new caretakers learning about the lifestyle, veteran ABDL folk doubting their passion for a community they feel distant towards, new littles who don't quite know if what they are feeling is strange and worth opening up about....I think this is a story that can be shared with partners, friends, anyone curious about our little corner of the world. 

[Scarlet]

Very interesting,  looking forward to seeing how it develops. Looks great so far.

[Wannatripbaby]

Very intriguing start. Not a whole lot of anything earth-shattering. Just enough to pique one's interest.

I have a feeling this is gonna be another emotional roller coaster like Madison's Code. 

*Hands out tissues to everyone in the comments* You're gonna need these. ;)

[Sophie ♥]

1 hour ago, Wannatripbaby said:

I have a feeling this is gonna be another emotional roller coaster like Madison's Code. 

*Hands out tissues to everyone in the comments* You're gonna need these.

It definitely has a Madison's Code kinda vibe.  But maybe less heartbreaking?  

[kerry]

Very nice start, Sophie. I like the style and the (apparent) concept as well. I don't think we deal enough with magic in our stories. ?

[Guilend]

NOOOOO!!!! I want to know more about this magical place she's talking about! "mutter" You just had to leave it right there, making us want, crave more. You are truly the master of cliffhangers and such a meanie ?

[Jayme]

Sophie you have done it again, another beautiful story and I'm entranced with seeing how this blooms.

[Sarah Penguin]

[Sophie ♥]

Ahhh thank you guys so much.  

I'll be posting the next chapter in a few hours!  I've got some work to do first.

~Soph

[Sophie ♥]

The First Value: Honesty

“You can only enter the magical world by embracing it’s values,” Rachel explained, sitting on the edge of my bed. “Honesty, trust, imagination, freedom, and love.”

“This doesn’t seem real,” I said with a touch of annoyance.

“If you were so sure, you would have let me leave,” Rachel explained.  And she was right.

“Alright, alright… so I have to embrace these five things.  Sounds easy enough.”

Rachel nodded her head and took my hands and lowered her head, like we were in some sort of prayer.  Maybe a ritual or something, to open the way to the special world?  So I did the same.

“Can you be honest,” she asked me, “with yourself?  With others?  About your needs and your wants?”

“Um… yes.”

“Hm.  You sound unsure.”

“No, no, I’m sure.”

She let go of my hands and shook her head. “No, you aren’t even honest about your uncertainty.  If you wish to enter the special world, you need to be fully honest.”

“Fully honest,” I repeated in a whisper. “You’re right.  I’m sorry.  I’ll be honest.”

Rachel nodded her head and smiled a warm smile. “Wonderful.  Then let’s get started.”

Rachel arranged herself on the other side of my bed.  With both sat with legs crossed, looking at each other in the candlelight.  Her eyes were soft and kind, but the expression she wore was rigid and strict.  This would be more of a process than I expected… but for a happy, comfortable world?  It would be worth it.

“Tell me princess,” Rachel said. “What are you?”

“What… am I?”

“Under all that bluster, all the fighting, all the self-control, all that holds you back… what’s under there?”

I looked at Rachel with nervous eyes, then looked down at my lap.  Beneath everything else, at heart, what was I?

“I… I don’t really want to talk about that,” I admitted honestly.

“Is that following the value?” Rachel asked. “Are you being honest with yourself and others?”

“Well, I… um…” She was right.  I wasn’t being honest.  Not with her, and certainly not with myself.  I didn’t want to think about those feelings.  I didn’t want to wonder what they meant.  A warm heat filled my cheeks.

“You can do it,” Rachel said quietly, encouraging me to go on. “I know you can.”

“…this is so dumb,” I muttered under my breath.  If I could talk about anything else!  Anything at all…

“This is the only way,” Rachel reminded me.

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.  I couldn’t look at her.  I had never said it aloud, let alone in the presence of someone else… but I knew it.  Deep down, in my heart, I knew what I still was.

“I’m… um… I’m a little girl…”

“There we go.” Rachel spoke with no judgement.  Almost like… she expected my answer. “But is there more?”

“What?  No!  That’s it!” I puffed out my cheeks in annoyance.

“No?  Nothing else at all?”

“Wasn’t that honest enough?!”

“You tell me.”

I hesitated… and I looked away in embarrassment.

“I’ll tell you a secret,” Rachel said quietly. “I’m not the one guarding the entrance to the magical world.”

That drew my attention back to her. “…you aren’t?”

“Nope.  While I am happy to help others discover it, it doesn’t belong to me.”

“Well, then I want to talk to the person who’s in charge!” I said loudly.

“But you are,” Rachel told me. “Because the one guarding the entrance is you.”

“Me?” I blinked in surprise. “Well… then I let myself in.”

“If only it were that easy,” she laughed. “You see, we spend many years building great big walls to keep others out of the magical world.  To keep it safe from harm.  But in the process… we often lock ourselves out as well.”

I bit my lip and looked down at the bedsheets.  I… locked myself out?  So I asked the only question I wanted the answer to: “How do I open it?”

“I’ve already told you.”

Honesty.  But I admitted the truth!  The truth about myself… but was it the entire truth?

“I’m… I’m a little girl,” I repeated. “I’ve always wanted to be.  I hated growing up and I hate being responsible.  When I was little, being a princess meant I always got my way.  But now, I have a whole kingdom to take care of.  I never have time for myself anymore.  I never pay any attention to me.  I… I wanna be little again.”

Rachel reached forward and wrapped her arms around me, holding me tight in a hug.  I awkwardly wrapped my arms around her and rested my head on her shoulder.  A hug like this… so simple and honest… I hadn’t been hugged like this in so long.

“You see?” she whispered in my ear. “That’s real honesty.  That befits a princess.” She let me go and stared into my eyes, smiling brightly.

“Does… does that mean I did it?” I asked, with pink cheeks. “Can I go to the magical world?”

“What about the other four ideals?” Rachel countered.

“I agreed to those!”

“But have you embraced them?”

I crossed my arms in annoyance. “Of course!”

“Well… what do you feel?”

“Embarrassed,” I admitted. “And silly.  And I don’t even know if this place is real!  You could be tricking me.”

“I would never lie about such a sacred thing.  Princess’s honor.”

For some reason, I believed her.  Maybe because she was a princess too.  She understood me like no one else could.  So if she said this place was real, then it was real.  I sighed and settled back into my bed.  I guess I still had more work to do.

[Wannatripbaby]

These are deep truths we're exploring here. I feel like I could actually use these metaphors to help people. ?

[Sophie ♥]

1 hour ago, Wannatripbaby said:

I feel like I could actually use these metaphors to help people. ?

That's the goal!  

[Sarah Penguin]

[diaperpt]

8 hours ago, Wannatripbaby said:

These are deep truths we're exploring here. I feel like I could actually use these metaphors to help people. ?

I think exploring them would be a good reminder for me. I won't try to speak for others but I wonder how many of us hide behind walls we didn't even know we built. It took me years of digging to find the ones I'd so carefully built; protective walls, but walls that kept me from knowing who I am. I've torn them down but without examining carefully, could I just build new ones and not see them?

[Sophie ♥]

The Second Value: Trust

“Would you like to know another secret?” Rachel asked me.

I nodded my head. “Yes, please.” 

She leaned in close and whispered to me: “When you truly harmonize with all five values, you won’t have to go to the magical world.  You’ll already be there.” Then she sat back with a smile on her face, like what she had said was so revealing.  But it confused me.  Would I teleport to the magical world?  It seemed unlikely…

“Well, I did the honesty one.  You said so yourself!”

She nodded her head. “You did.”

“Then the next one is… trust?”

“Do you trust others to guide you, to make decisions for you?”

“Make decisions for me?” I gave Rachel a sharp glare and puffed out my cheeks. “I’m the princess.  I make the decisions!”

“But you’ll be in another place.  The magical world.”

“…and someone has to take care of my kingdom,” I finished her thought.  Ugh, how hadn’t I thought about that?

“You seem upset by this.”

“Yeah, I’m upset!  I’m being selfish.  I’m thinking only about myself, and ignoring the needs of my people.”

“There aren’t times you can step away?” Rachel asked, probing for information.

“Maybe… but I always have responsibilities.  What if something bad happens when I’m away?  I have to be here to fix it!”

“Do you?”

“Of course I do!  Who else is going to?!”

“That’s a part of trust,” she expressed. “You need to trust that things will be okay for a little bit.”

“But it won’t!” I was shouting.  My voice echoed off the stone walls of the castle.  Then Rachel sat herself closer to me and put her hand on my cheek.

“Shh…” she cooed, running her thumb softly across my skin. “Even a princess has a court, people to assist her.”

“…right, but…” 

“People in her inner circle.  People to have her back.”

“…I guess…”

“You aren’t alone.  That took me a long time to accept.”

…I’m not alone?  It felt like the world was on my shoulders all the time.  Even with my court, even with my friends… I had to double check everything.  I had to be sure things were running smoothly.

“…what if they fail?” I asked. “It’s my fault for leaving…”

“Is that really true?”

“Isn’t it…?”

“Are you responsible for every living thing, every decision a person makes, every outcome?”

“Well, when you put that way…” I sighed and looked down at my hands. “Maybe I could take a little time away…”

“They stand beside you for a reason.  They’ve learned from you and respect you.  They will not let you down.”

“I suppose that’s true,” I conceded.

“And unless you give them the chance to fail, they will never succeed.  Give them the opportunity to show you their talents.  Allow yourself the opportunity to step back.  Even if only for a while.”

I nodded my head. “You’re right.”

Rachel looked at me expectantly, like there was more to say.  Maybe there was…

“I trust them.  The people around me.  My friends, my co-workers, the people I love.  They have never let me down and I don’t think they would.  I don’t have to do everything myself.”

“There you go,” Rachel smiled, patting me on the top of the head. “That’s a lesson you will learn again and again, for sure.  But remember the values, and you’ll be fine."

[Sarah Penguin]

[Wannatripbaby]

*clutches chest* right in the feels!

As a Caregiver, this is definitely something I struggle with. I can barely watch a tv show or play a video game without stopping to look at my phone every 2 minutes to make sure some catastrophe hasn't occured. And, if I'm being honest, I do feel like the only responsible one around sometimes. It's an ongoing struggle for me...

[CutieButtCrusader]

I have so many feelings as I read this, all of them warm. It's so hard to be a little girl in your heart, and it's so hard to trust and be honest when you're used to things being hard. Thank you, Sophie. I look forward to more. ❤️

[Sophie ♥]

Thanks for all the kind words!   I'm also glad this is helping a little from a caregiver perspective too, @Wannatripbaby.  It wasn't the intention, but I like knowing that it applies to more than just Littles!

My hardest part is probably trust, actually.  At this part in my life, I am honest about who I am.  But trusting others while I take time for myself?  Ahhh that's so difficult. >_< So this part really resonated with me.

[Sophie ♥]

The Third Value: Imagination

“Am I done yet?” I asked, with a touch of impatience. “I feel like we’ve been talking all night.” But the sun hadn’t crested the horizon.  The sky outside my window was still cloudy and black.  It felt like the night would last forever.

“You tell me,” she said with a smile.

“Well, I guess if I’m being honest…” I played with my fingers in front of me, looking down at the blankets. “I don’t really understand the imagination one.”

“The joy of building with toys,” Rachel explained. “Or hugging a stuffed animal close, to tell them about your day.  The ability to see a world you create, that no one else can truly see.  For many, imagination is the hardest one.”

Then, quieter, under her breath, as if in mourning, Rachel said: “Adulthood stomps out imagination.”

“Well…” I thought about it a minute before answering, “probably because it doesn’t really matter, you know?”

“Doesn’t it, though?  The ability to see behind what’s in front of you is invaluable.”

“A fake world is just fake.  A teddy bear can’t hear me talking to it.”

“Can’t they?” Rachel asked, with a bit of surprise. “Mine hear me quite well.  They even talk back on occasion.”

I rolled my eyes. “Stuffed animals can’t talk.”

“Hmm, that’s where you’re wrong.”

I puffed out my cheeks in indignation.  Was she messing with me?!

“I’m not wrong!  I’ve had tons of stuffed animals!  They don’t listen, they don’t talk!”

“They certainly listen, and certainly can talk.  But you have to allow yourself to listen to them.”

“That’s stupid!  That’s not real!”

“But are we talking about the real world?  Remember, we are discussing imagination.”

I balled my hands at my sides.  Her circular thinking felt like spinning around on a carnival ride.  I was frustrated and confused, and those two feelings made for a bad combination.

“I just don’t see the point in doing something that’s made up.  It doesn’t mean anything!”

“Are cartoons not made up?  Imagined by someone?”

“Of course they are!”

“And they have no meaning to you?  Not a single character from a book you’ve read?  Or a favorite TV show?  Maybe a princess movie, perhaps?”

Her words were like a strong wind, and I was just a dim candle.  I looked away and shook my head. “Of course they don’t…”

“Is that honesty?” she asked.

…ugh.

“It’s true, they don’t have the worth of silver or stone.  But wouldn’t you mourn them if suddenly they were lost?  Don’t they mean something to you?”

“Maybe…” I let out a sigh of resignation and crossed my arms.

“Those fantasies someone else dreamed up… they are your dreams now too.  They have become real, in a way, because they influence the world.”

“I guess…”

“What about when you were a little girl?” Rachel asked. “Did you ever make-believe?”

“Yeah…”

“How so?”

I shrugged my shoulders and bit my lip. “My teddy bear used to talk to me.” Gosh, this was a silly conversation to have with a stranger… “But she’s not real.  She’s just fluff.”

“And tomorrow, if she were to disappear, how would you feel?”

Silence.  I looked up at the shelf in the corner of my room, where my teddy bear sat.  She had been in that same spot for ten years, unless the maids were dusting.  But if she were to suddenly vanish?  I felt my stomach sink.

“I lost mine once,” Rachel told me. “I wept.  Like, I bawled my eyes out, even though I’m in my twenties.  I felt like… I’d lost a friend.”

I nodded in understanding.

“In the end, I found him.  He went on an adventure without me.  But it hurt… because of everything he meant to me.”

“Even if he’s not real to other people,” I explained, “he’s real to you.”

“Isn’t that enough?” she asked me.

“No one else understands though.  And they’ll tease me.” I felt a sickness building in my heart.  I pulled my knees to my chest and looked down at my feet.  I felt like crying…

“You’d be surprised how many people might understand that feeling,” Rachel laughed.  But it wasn’t funny!  She didn’t get it!

“It’s wrong!  Bears don’t talk and cartoons aren’t real and if you tried to argue with someone about it, you’d be wrong!  Imagination is always wrong!”

“And yet.”

“I’m right!  And you know I’m right!” I uncrossed my arms and slammed my fists into the bedsheets.  But Rachel didn’t even flinch.  She just waited until I’d gotten it out of my system.

“I’m right!” I told her again. “I’m always right!”

“That must be lonely.”

Her words left a sharp pain in my chest.  Truth.

“S-so what?!  I’d rather be right than… than…”

“Happy?”

I stared at Rachel.  Not with anger or irritation.  But with… realization.  I looked at her with wide eyes and an open mouth.  And when I finally closed my mouth again, I settled back into my bed and wiped the tears from my eyes.

“This stuff is hard, princess,” she said to me, running her fingers through my hair. “No one said it would be easy.”

I nodded my head and took a long quiet minute before telling her how I felt.

“I’d rather be happy than right.  What’s the point in always being right, anyway?  If I’m not happy…”

“Then don’t you think you owe your teddy bear an apology?” she asked.

I nodded.

“Go on, then.”

I climbed out of bed with patience and reverence, like I had all the time in the world.  Then I went over to my shelf, stood on my tippy toes, and pulled my teddy bear down into my arms.  Tears filled my eyes.

“I’m so sorry,” I told her. “Sorry for not listening all these years.  I didn’t think you mattered because you weren’t real, but you always made me so happy.  That’s what really matters…”

“I think introductions are in order,” Rachel said happily from my bed. “What is your friend’s name?”

I looked down at the teddy bear in my arms and up at Rachel with a smile.

“Lola.”

“That’s a lovely name.”

“Lola says thank you,” I said for her.

Rachel beamed proudly and tapped the edge of the bed. “I think you’re ready to move onto the next step.”

[Sarah Penguin]

[CutieButtCrusader]

Oh, my heart! Sophie, you're making me feel feelings!

[Sophie ♥]

2 hours ago, CutieButtCrusader said:

Oh, my heart! Sophie, you're making me feel feelings!

That's what writing is all about!

I'm glad it's eliciting a reaction in you tho. Thank you so much for reading.

[Wannatripbaby]

"I'd rather be right than..."

"Happy?"

Ouch. That's a rough one.

Very well done.