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Strange days indeed - a 24 x 7 experiment


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Last Saturday after a multi-year descent into desperation, I rolled the dice on my 30-year marriage.  I told her that with my headspace today, I can no longer keep my nappy thing inside the ever-narrowing swim lanes she is painting for them and that henceforth, I will be wearing a lot more and at my discretion.  Furthermore, I have told her that this wearing will include at least some period of experimental 24x7 usage.   She has opted to continue our partnership.  I feel bad and good all at the same time in a kind of cold, clear air of shared truth.

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Good luck with it - I hope she comes round to a better acceptance of who and what you are and what you need.  I've just being going through something similar, and so far it's working out well for me.  I suppose the main difference is that I painted the lines myself, restricting my AB and nappy side to when I was alone, while we raised the kids.  What kept me going was knowing it wouldn't be forever, but I didn't know whether my wife could come to terms with me in nappies around her.  Now the kids are away at college, I'm wearing full-time during the day, & one of my cloth nappies is on the sewing pile waiting repair - she's the one who knows how to use a sewing machine, not me.  She seems to be getting on fine with me like this, although so far I've backed off nappies at night for her sake.  Too much change at once is hard to deal with.  It'll come though, one way or another, and I think she'll stick with me.  She's always known I was an AB, but really would rather I wasn't.  Still not sure whether she understands how much I need all this.

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I hope things work out for both of you.  Being open and honest is hard when you have something so profound complicating your marriage.  Marriage is about compromise and hopefully your terms are acceptable over time to your wife and she doesn’t resent your expansion of the swim lanes.  Keep us posted and best of luck.

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5 minutes ago, mike indiapers said:

I hope things work out for both of you.  Being open and honest is hard when you have something so profound complicating your marriage.  Marriage is about compromise and hopefully your terms are acceptable over time to your wife and she doesn’t resent your expansion of the swim lanes.  Keep us posted and best of luck.

I've been blogging periodically (here on DD), if anyone wants to check any of it out.  It's been an interesting journey so far, for me that is!

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Discussions continue:  a slightly desolate insight into the fundamentally egocentric nature of a relationship.  I ordered a case of disposables today.

22 hours ago, Stroller said:

She's always known I was an AB, but really would rather I wasn't.  Still not sure whether she understands how much I need all this.

I think that's pretty much where we are right now but I cannot keep going on like this.

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You are introducing change, What is the quid pro quo for her? Espcially if, in the 24/7 you soil yourself. Most people find scat unacceptable. It is putrifaction and a health risk. what does she say if someone comes in the house and starts sniffing strangely apparently noticing a smell to which you have gone nose-blind?

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To keep things calm, I've stayed out of nappies since Saturday (until last night anyway) but we have discussed this a few times.  Most of her concerns (well all of them really) are about how this could inconvenience or embarrass her.  Last night was my "tolerated" nappy night and today on my work-from-home day, as usual, I just changed out of my night nappy into a fresh cloth diaper.  I suspect this is a habit that she just chooses not to know about.

What will be different is that this afternoon, I will not frantically try to launder everything, shower and hide evidence.  I will shower (I will most likely be messy and she should not have to deal with that) and then change into a Molicare, allowing her to figure that out for herself when she gets home.  I will stand my ground in case of trouble.  I am done being managed this way.  I plan to change into a fresh Molicare worn under Babykins terry-lined waterproofs before bed (I'm a side sleeper and expect leaks).  I will probably go back out of nappies after Saturday morning.

I've told her that I intend to experiment with a very brief 24x7  (perhaps literally, one single 24x7) just after Christmas whilst still on leave.

13 hours ago, Little Christine said:

You are introducing change, What is the quid pro quo for her? Espcially if, in the 24/7 you soil yourself. Most people find scat unacceptable. It is putrifaction and a health risk. what does she say if someone comes in the house and starts sniffing strangely apparently noticing a smell to which you have gone nose-blind?

Good point and one I've thought about.  I plan to limit that.  Any 24x7 would be predominately for wetting although I "reserve the right" subject to being away from others.

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14 hours ago, Bettypooh said:

In any kind of partnership, when one is hurt then so is the other whether they see it or not. I hope it all goes well with y'all.

Bettypooh

Thanks.  I am sure she is hurting and that was never my wish.   This thing is welded in deep however and a combination of other family stress factors along with her progressive attempts to suppress something that is a powerful de-stress tool for me have pushed me toward being a little bit not in my right mind.

I think at the back of my mind is the thought that I might be able to satiate this thing and bring mental affairs back under my control.  I think I am half-hoping that I will spend a week or two diapered, get bored with it and move on with life with this aspect of myself more in proportion with the rest of me.

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On 12/5/2018 at 12:20 AM, Stroller said:

I've been blogging periodically (here on DD), if anyone wants to check any of it out.  It's been an interesting journey so far, for me that is!

Yes.  I've been quite interested in your blog.  I'm not very AB really but there are a couple of striking similarities between your situation and mine.  You've made the decision to bring nappies into the realms of "normal" for you and you're dealing with a reluctant spouse, and you are around 10 weeks down the road in front of me.

You're also retired however which is an advantage over me.  I'm scratching my head at how I could possibly integrate this with work wearing (my work is well paid but high stress) and my wife is horrified that I might somehow jeopordise my job (she works too but I do the fiscal heavy lifting).

Retirement is several years away I suspect and even then, I'm not sure if I will be relaxed or tormented by boredom!

The first thing I've noticed is that this isn't going to be cheap.  I've just spent A$106 on just one case of nappies that I suspect would 2 - 2.5 weeks, maybe 3 if I augment it with tactical cloth use some nights (when I am not working and could do laundry the next day).  I suspect at some point I'm going to have to deal with pressure about me spending that money on that.

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On 12/8/2018 at 11:46 PM, oznl said:

Retirement is several years away I suspect and even then, I'm not sure if I will be relaxed or tormented by boredom!

I've been busier than when I was working, but without most of the stress.  I've had to cut down on my voluntary "work" in the past year or two though, as I took on too much.  No time for boredom though.  I've got my fingers in too many pies.  Yes, of course it's much easier to live your life in nappies once you've retired.  I wouldn't have dared to do what I'm doing now when I was working.

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23 hours ago, wetskipants said:

oznl, you have previously posted stories about shared wetting, in bed and on a chair. What do you think has changed? 

An epic question!  It's true.  I had a partner who was once an enthusiastic participant.  I think at the back of my mind I always knew that this was my thing, not hers, but it seemed to me that we could find enough common ground to have fun and I think we did.

The nappy thing was always more than sex to me however.  My interested pre-dated puberty and only strengthened as interest in sex faded with middle age.

Her participation survived the birth of our children and I think its “glory days” were when they were very young but as they grew, my partner’s engagement with my offbeat practices faded and had, like the color spectrum of some grey rainbow of decomposition, drifted back through to mere tolerance, then endurance and onwards to discouragement before reaching darker hues of disapproval and remonstrance.

I challenged her recently on this: “why is this only now such a problem – you knew and participated before we were married”  but I could not draw an explanation.  As I can’t explain to her why I am drawn to nappies in the first place, her inability to articulate a coherent reason for rejecting them isn’t something I can really take any moral authority from.

I wonder if it was a dependency thing.  When she absolutely needed me as a provider, she could overlook her misgivings and play along.  As her need for me dwindled, her previously sublimated inclinations re-emerged and she slowly re-asserted herself.

This is entirely speculative and if true, I don’t think it was a consciously considered plan but more bleak insight into biological imperatives that underpin our relationships.

I did quiz her about what was her objection to me in nappies insofar as it would neither involve her nor inconvenience her.  I did get an answer to that.  Seeing me in a nappy undermines the “provider and protector” image of me that she finds important.

I guess hetero-normative gender stereotypes DO cut both ways.

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Update:

So we are stumbling along.  I haven’t gone 24x7 but around 24x3 as I experiment – more like 24x5 this week I suspect.  I have enough nappies for a couple of weeks 24x7 and I will probably try that after Christmas.

This week I tried a short (3 day) business trip in nappies.  This would be a scenario I'd commonly have to deal with.

I don’t think people realise how much logistics is involved in being able to get away with peeing in your pants instead of a toilet!

My trundle bag was 50% filled with nappies for a start.  Who needs clothes anyway?  I only had one spare pare of pants so at the first leak it would have been game over.  I also had only just enough nappies.  I forgot to pack sudocreme and had to go buy some.  When you're wet for days at a time, nappy rash is a thing.

Plastic bags to wrap used nappies have to be bought since the greenies had them banned at shops and public rubbish bins are now rare in case terrorists use them to conceal bombs.  What a world we live in.

For insurance, at nights (protect hotel beds) and on aircraft I wore a Babykins dual-layer terry lined waterproofs over the top of my Molicare Maxi.  This was hot and did unfortunately bulk things up a bit but proved a lifesaver on my return flight.  I was flying in the mid-afternoon and so I’d figured I could just stay in the Molicare that I’d put on after breakfast until I got home about 9 hours later.  To help see me through, I did cheat and tried for a tactical pee in a toilet but of course this had to be done in a cubicle because I needed to pull down the front of my plastic pants and nappy.  The angle was awkward and my urethra was kinked so I think most of my pee ended up draining into my pants anyway as I tucked myself back in and unkinked things.

At least in Australia, we do not have the dreaded body scanners on domestic flights (yet...).  There is no problem going through airport security slightly soggy.

The weather here in Eastern Australia has been horrendous with a tropical cyclone throwing out massive amounts of rain and storms right down the coast.  First the flight was delayed 45m and second, when it took off, the turbulence was so bad that there could be no cabin service and the seatbelt light remained on for practically the entire flight – it was an awful flight.  In trying to track around the severe turbulence that the flight crew had warned us about, the 2 hour flight became closer to a 3 hour flight.

I don’t know what the passengers who were NOT in nappies did but I know what I did:  I just tried as far as possible to keep the taps open and slowly dribble near constantly into my pants to avoid flooding.  At some point, some trickles from my nether regions gave clue that I might be wetting my terries as well as the Molicare but cautious probing of my pants and the seat reassured me that they had remained dry and I didn’t really have a choice anyway.

Eventually I made it home.  I was soaked but not leaking and I think I smelled faintly of pee.  I’d been in the same Molicare Maxi for 11 hours and the padding had disintegrated and slumped down meaning that I’d been being peeing directly into the plastic backing - no wonder I felt trickles.   My dual-layer terry pants were indeed wet at the leggings seat and had thus saved the day.  My partner gazed disapprovingly at my slightly puffy crotch but said nothing.  It was a relief to have a long shower and change into some dry Babykins cloth diapers: not that they remained dry for long.

I suspect I won't stay 24x7 for too long but that's ok, it's just an experiment.  I could see night nappies being more viable as a permanent escape whilst I am still working.

 

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First, congrats on standing up.  I did the same thing many years ago.  It’s not an easy journey, but something I HAD to do.

Regarding the Molicare diapers, while they are super soft and cut to fit just right, they don’t hold together for long periods of time.  You experienced that.  Believe it or not, the Tranquility ATN will hold almost as much (as will the Smartcore), and both are thinner.

Good luck to you.  Doing what you’re doing isn’t easy, but is necessary for your well being.

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So as of Saturday, late morning, I’m back out of nappies: so it was five days that she knew about, three of them away travelling for work.

I changed out partly because I’m not quite ready for a longer 24x7 experiment (a busy week at work toward year end and I'm not sure I'm well enough sorted with a nappy routine yet) and partly to stop the low-level-but-unrelenting sulk I’d been enduring since returning home wet on Thursday night.  I was somewhat firm that her sulking isn’t going to change things and I want some tolerance.  Verbally, she agrees to this but her actions don’t yet align with her words.  She has also told me that she thinks I am mentally ill and need help so we may yet be crashing instead of crashing through on this one.

I will probably stay out of them until next Thursday (my “authorised” nappy night) whereupon I will go back but for a couple of days.

Then, the Thursday after Christmas I plan to go back to nappies again but this time, for an indefinite period – just to see what happens.

In another exciting logistical discovery, I’ve decided that I must pee some form of liquid lead since my rubbish bag of wet disposable adult diapers weighs 8000 tons and has its own gravitational pull.  I’m not sure if our wheelie bin is even up to a whole week’s worth of them!  This is something else I didn’t really think about.

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Well this week’s update is basically “no update”.  I’m now in nappies from Thursday to Saturday and that’s the new normal.  For now...  Even with this and only for a few weeks, it has become stunningly easy to keep things relaxed down there and dribble more or less constantly instead of pee.  About the only time I actually pee any respectable quantity is when I wake up during the night.  Not laying in bed at 5am trying to pretend I don't need to get up and go to the toilet is fabulous.

It’s late Saturday morning.  I’m sitting here typing this in my wet night nappies and as I’m now just a little bit messy (more a convenience thing than a planning thing – I needed to go, am away in my study and will be showering shortly anyway), keeping my distance.  I don’t think she has noticed at all.

I’ve discovered a direct correlation between my choice of underwear and her default facial expression but I’m on a crash or crash through trajectory here.

I did get a smile when I told her that I would shortly change out of my nappies and go shopping with her but I’ve also made it clear that next Saturday morning, I plan on simply changing my nappies instead of removing them.  The reaction was one of studied neutrality.

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So for now at least, I wear nappies 24x7…

Last night, Christmas and Boxing day having been dealt with and a little after 6pm, I put on my usual “Thursday night” underwear:  a pair of Babykins dual-terry pull-on pants beneath a Babykins pull-on cotton diaper under plastic pants. 

The differences this time are that firstly, I have no specific time for coming back OUT of nappies.  It might be tomorrow, in a week, in two weeks, a month.  I don’t know but when and if I come back out of them, it will be of MY choosing.  I’m only aiming for a week to see what happens.

Secondly, I have made zero effort to hide them from my partner.  I went about pre-bed rituals just in my nappy and a t-shirt.   As if to celebrate, it then leaked in bed and I woke up in a wet patch around 2am.  It seems that the cut of my new Gary PUL pants isn’t ideal for a thick cloth nappy and that wet terry towelling can make cameo appearances through the leggings allowing wee to wick back along the PUL pants outer surface an on to bed sheets.  I ended up pulling on a pair of enclosed plastic pants over the top making a warm night even hotter but at least with the ceiling fan, the bed dried out before my wife noticed.

This morning, I got up and made us both coffee in full view of her, just in my nappies and t-shirt.  Afterwards, I dumped my night nappies on to soak, went #2 in the toilet and had a quick rinse before putting on a Tena slip maxi under Gary PUL pants.  I decided to relegate my Molicare back to evening and night use given their predilection to disintegration under movement and try Tena.

The mood from my wife is cool and there has been no nappy-related commentary.

Annoyingly, 2.5 hours later, my Tena is leaking at the back of my right thigh (have been sitting at my desk and did pee a little whilst seated).  This is something I’d need to get sorted before taking this on the road…  I can’t afford to be tossing out Tena slip maxi 4 times across the working day and I can’t afford to smell of wee!

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So it’s day #5 of full-time wearing and so far, I’ve dodged nappy rash although I’ve 80% been wearing disposables.  I have been using sudocreme.  It’s also day #5 with me never having come anywhere close to having any urge to pee whatsoever and almost never being completely dry.  As a life-long DL, I’d long since eroded any inhibition on peeing and could do so pretty much anywhere/anytime and during waking hours at least, I will be dribbling a little in my nappy every few minutes or so as I go about whatever I am doing, never building up any quantity.  I’m already forgetting what a full bladder feels like.

The closest thing to a normal pee happens in bed at night whenever I stir and release whatever is there.  Even then, it’s not much.  I’m nowhere near sleep wetting after a week but I can’t recall too much detail about how often I wet during the night.  I’m on holidays and I’ve discovered I can sleep through until 7:30am as I’m undisturbed by any need to pee.

I have zero interest in going back to adult underwear right now.

There are lots of sighs, mournful silences and sour looks at my pants from my partner that I am completely and utterly over.  It sounds harsh but there is a lot that is demanded of me and it seems sometimes that apart from empty words, very little is conceded in return.  I continue to go out of my way to make sure that there is zero practical effort or inconvenience imposed upon her.

On the practicality front, I find that when I’m out at least, my nappies need to be covered by some kind of waterproof pant or a leak will be inevitable.  The problem seems to be that I’m often peeing whilst sitting somewhere and a compressed nappy seat might be just as likely to simply funnel wee as absorb it.  I’ve had a series of events where I’ve gotten out of a chair to discover that the back of one of my thighs is damp.

I’m also being reminded near constantly that a wet nappy is a saggy nappy and that’s an inhibition on mobility.  Here in the height of summer in my sub-tropical climate, a Onesie is NOT an attractive proposition.  I’m wondering if I should invest in some Molicare fixing pants.

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2 hours ago, Bettypooh said:

I'd try different taping techniques and different diapers. It's been my experience that diaper fit is everything with disposables, especially at the rear leg area.

Wishing you spousal acceptance and harmony in your home in the New Year :)

Bettypooh

Thank you!  Any suggestions from anybody on "which disposable diaper, available for retail sale in Queensland, Australia is least likely to leak when you're sitting in it" can be posted to "It must have been the cat that did it" in Brisbane, Australia :-)

And a nappy new year to all of you. Here in the AEST time zone, it' will have just clocked 2019 by the time I click "submit reply" (I will wait a minute or so)!

 

 

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So, 1 “24x7” is down.  I’ve spent an entire week urinating at all times in my diapers (with the possible exception of a dribble or two whilst showering) and for waking times at least, I have never allowed any quantity of pee to accumulate in my bladder, instead releasing in dribbles and spurts every few minutes.  The closest thing to substantial urination occurs at night as I will pee when I stir – perhaps 2 -3 times across the night but of course that is enough to ensure that more than a few tablespoons is produced.

For an entire week I have NEVER felt any discernible need to urinate as my bladder has been at all times close to empty.  I have been taking the opportunity to practice reverse kegels at all times – trying hard to avoid the “clench” response at the end of micturition and have noticed that after only 7 days, I am better at this.  Even after little more than 1 week, I’ve noticed that despite thinking I’m “empty” when I change, I will almost invariably pee a tiny amount more upon standing after changing.

I’ve used around 3 (high quality) diapers per day: overnight is generally a Molicare Maxi large.  Shortly after arising, I will change into a Tena Slip maxi.  At some time in the afternoon, it’s back into another Molicare and changing into a night timer Molicare just before bed.  Tonight as a “treat” night, I am in cloth.  For 24x7 use, the practical advantages for disposable nappies are just overwhelming but I still vastly prefer the feel of cloth. 

I’m not sure for how much longer this experiment will continue but it is already clear to me that it is practicality rather than inclination that will be its downfall.  If I were to dial out the dual factors of my job and my spouse, continuing 24x7 maybe for a month or three would be a no-brainer.  My partner has at least given up walking around the house looking like her cat had died but we are some way off beatific happiness..  I think I can get at least another week but then work (and also the need to reacquaint myself with my gym) makes things tricky.

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Coming up to a fortnight tomorrow of "24x7" and the resumption of work has imposed severe logistical challenges for my nappy changes. Yesterday morning, I changed out of my night nappy and put on a Tena slip maxi beneath Babykins terry-lined polyester pants before pulling on some generously sized jeans over the to for my first day back at work after holidays.  At breakfast, my partner glanced at my crotch and her expression hardened but nothing was said.

By the time I arrived at work, I was already a little wet.  Although I work for a very large multinational company, our local office is very small.  The toilets are actually outside the office tenancy adjacent to a café in our corporate park.  To reach them I must traverse the office leaving past reception, walk across a café forecourt and when I get there, they are inevitably busy and the stalls are tiny: not good at all.

As the day wore on, I allowed myself to dribble more or less continuously into my nappy, putting off changing again and again as things were busy although I could feel the Tena getting puffier and thicker around me.  Eventually, mid-afternoon, I stood up from my chair to feel a tell-tale “cool” patch at the back my right thigh!  Unbeknownst to me, I’d been leaking into my terry trainer pants and now one of the leggings was wicking pee.  I ended up going to the gym (also in our corporate park) of which I am a member with a rough plan of a brief work-out followed by a well needed nappy change in one of the individual bathrooms the gym has.

Upon pulling down my jeans and waterproofs, it was obvious that there was no way that Tena was going to survive any kind of gym action and it promptly made a desperate escape bid via my knees.   I took it off and managed to stuff it in the hygiene bin and worked out (very briefly) without a nappy on for the first time in literally weeks.   I was uncomfortable and I felt like I needed to pee constantly despite taking care to completely empty myself out into my nappy before removing it.  After only a brief 20 minutes, I showered and changed into a Molicare which I then had to cover with my (wet) Babykins waterproofs as best as I could only to discover that my “need to pee” was perhaps a tablespoon’s worth!

The balance of the day was uneventful.  When I arrived home, my partner glared at my crotch suspiciously before quizzing me about how I could manage nappies and work, making her disapproval clear enough.  She also wanted to know the end-date of my “experiment” which I declined to nominate: partly because I don’t really have one and partly because if I give her a date, she will attempt to hold me to it and breaking free of her rules was one of the major points of this exercise. 

Last in her trifecta of displeasures to be shared was that I had walked down the hallway to bed the night before wearing only a t-shirt and my nappy whilst our son was at home (albeit locked up in his bedroom on his computer with headphones).  It was only an 8 metre hall.  I’d changed into my night nappy in my study to avoid her having to see me do it and I’d checked that the coast was clear before traversing the path between the study and our bedroom but she felt that this was a careless risk.

On a slightly less negative note, she also wanted to know how many changes a day I needed and when they occurred with something resembling genuine curiosity.

By 8pm, my afternoon nappy was again saturated (it seems that I hydrate more whilst at work).  As I needed to work from home the following day (today), I changed into my preferred Babykins cloth nappies as I was confident of 12 hours of leak-free wearing albeit trading off bulk and discretion that would avoid any further changes until morning.

I need to be back at the office tomorrow and I simply don’t know how I can manage nappy changes with any kind of discretion.  It is oppressively hot this time of year and it’s not as though I can hide a spare nappy under a jacket.  I’d have to leave for the toilet carrying some kind of bag.

One possible option is to re-schedule my day so that my gym session occurs earlier (after lunch) and leverage that for a concurrent nappy change.  I’d still probably have to conduct the work-out itself without nappies which kind of fails the test.   Another complicating factor is that a relentless schedule of on-line meetings across the day makes that difficult to do reliably.

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