If You Want To Tell Your Family...

[seppuku]

I see all sorts of posts about this, and in my usual manner i'll act like I know what i'm talking about.

You want to tell your family? This is doomed to failure in most cases. Examine the risks.

1) This could cause psychological grief to them, especially in the case of parents. They've raised you up to be adults, and in a way they might see this as your desire to undo all their hard work. They also might see this as a failure on their part to properly raise you. This could result in a lot of grief for them, or they could give you a lot of grief. If you're a male (bio, that is) this might cause a lot of grief to your father, who might find it disappointing. - not to say that's a fair assumption on his part.This especially holds true if he's a more "manly man" type. Also, family can, with help of the courts, send you to some sort of psychiatric hospital for observation, if they believe there is an emergency. (Of course, they can't keep you there except to observe, unless they observe you to be a threat to yourself or others.) All in all, it's likely to cause a lot of grief, when it's largely unnecessary to share such a personal thing.

2) To most people, "using" your diapers, is in the same place socially as one's toilet use, only far more taboo - please keep this in mind, they might be disgusted by the act, even if they do not suffer emotional grief, or retaliate. To put it quite bluntly, the average person would rather most anything happen to them (within reason) than having to "use" a diaper, so they can't see why you would want to. Don't expect any average person to understand this, much less your family.

3) My logic is that my family and friends who are not in this circle, should be somewhat protected from knowing this sort of thing about me, due to the distress it would cause them. I would argue that it's simply not fair to them to give them this sort of information about yourself. It's a negative act, not unlike sharing some other fetish with your family.

4) Regardless of what it is to you, your family will most definitely see this as a "wierd sexually motivated fetish" - and might even think that you're a pedophile. Being that they are incapable of processing this sort of idea, because they do not share it, it is not uncommon for people who are not familiar with this sort of thing to make such assumptions. These assumptions could potentially get you in some serious trouble.

5) Don't play the incontinence defense. This isn't going to work under any circumstances, and also they might want you to see a doctor. Seeing a doctor would be bad, because rest assured, a doctor would unquestionably know the difference, and likely refer you to mental health professionals.

Still want to tell them?

More risks, which depend on the character quality and open-mindedness of your family or friends:

They could tell more people about your fetish, and it could spread far enough to affect all your friendships, or possibly your work. If your boss thinks you're a pervert, or a threat to their other employees, chances are this could turn very, very ugly. It could affect your income, and your livelihood. If you're wearing diapers to work this gets more complicated, because you're doing what is seen as engaging in sexual behaviour around the workplace. If you work with kids, this could land you in prison. Your family could also generally see it as you practicing your fetish around them. Your friends might not appreciate this either.

I am of the opinion that one's diaper fetish, or infantilism are very private matters, just like any other paraphilic behaviour. I'm sure you've known one person who (unbeknownst to you) has participated in a fetish that you find particularly troublesome. They didn't tell YOU.

Please make an informed decision! The only people you NEED to tell, are your boyfriends/girlfriends/SO/whatever, because you could really ruin a relationship if you date someone and they are unaware of it.

If you're incontinent, just be open about it to anyone who needs to know, or asks.

If you're AB/DL, avoid being open to ANYONE, who isn't your boyfriend/girlfriend/SO. Possibly very close friends. It's just not necessary to do otherwise.

I hope this advice is taken well - of course it's all negative, but that's because the truth of it all is negative.

[Red Barchetta]

5) Don't play the incontinence defense. This isn't going to work under any circumstances, and also they might want you to see a doctor. Seeing a doctor would be bad, because rest assured, a doctor would unquestionably know the difference, and likely refer you to mental health professionals.

I can guarantee this!

Although my situation is a little different, it's similar enough. I am an AB, but have been incontinent my whole life. But initially (this was years ago, I THINK I was maybe 5 or so at the time) no MD could figure out why, everything SEEMED to be working fine, no infections, exc. So Yes, then came mental health professionals, whom also could find nothing specific wrong - but some of there tests did show a few things that did not prove a mental problem, but not 100% normal either. - Now we start getting in to Neurological specialists! - Finally, at least an explanation! That is when it was discovered that I had CP, but it is such a slight case that I could easily by over-looked by anyone that is not a specialist. Incontinence is ONE of the more common symptoms of CP, apparently, what was happening is - while everything SEEMED to be working fine, signals just were not (and still aren't) getting to and from the brain properly in order to control this.

But the bottom line is, once this starts, it won't stop till some sort of answer is found, trust me! - Even if you are old enough, and choose to refuse any farther testing/treatment, it won't put an end to it, because others are likely to keep hounding you to go ahead and keep it up, until an answer is found.

[seppuku]

Thanks for such a wonderful reply - related experience from people who've had this happen is vital.

[mogumbo]

I can guarantee this!

Although my situation is a little different, it's similar enough. I am an AB, but have been incontinent my whole life. But initially (this was years ago, I THINK I was maybe 5 or so at the time) no MD could figure out why, everything SEEMED to be working fine, no infections, exc. So Yes, then came mental health professionals, whom also could find nothing specific wrong - but some of there tests did show a few things that did not prove a mental problem, but not 100% normal either. - Now we start getting in to Neurological specialists! - Finally, at least an explanation! That is when it was discovered that I had CP, but it is such a slight case that I could easily by over-looked by anyone that is not a specialist. Incontinence is ONE of the more common symptoms of CP, apparently, what was happening is - while everything SEEMED to be working fine, signals just were not (and still aren't) getting to and from the brain properly in order to control this.

But the bottom line is, once this starts, it won't stop till some sort of answer is found, trust me! - Even if you are old enough, and choose to refuse any farther testing/treatment, it won't put an end to it, because others are likely to keep hounding you to go ahead and keep it up, until an answer is found.

I had similar experiences.. except my incontinence was related to spina bifida. It wasn't accurately diagnosed until I was 13 and a new-fangled CAT scan caught the spinal anomaly. . I even had so-called mental health professionals tell my parents that I was just being stubborn and rebellious with the whole potty training thing, and I should be disciplined accordingly. Awesome to start to life, eh?

Mo

[leafy kille]

I see all sorts of posts about this, and in my usual manner i'll act like I know what i'm talking about.

You want to tell your family? This is doomed to failure in most cases. Examine the risks.

1) This could cause psychological grief to them, especially in the case of parents. They've raised you up to be adults, and in a way they might see this as your desire to undo all their hard work. They also might see this as a failure on their part to properly raise you. This could result in a lot of grief for them, or they could give you a lot of grief. If you're a male (bio, that is) this might cause a lot of grief to your father, who might find it disappointing. - not to say that's a fair assumption on his part.This especially holds true if he's a more "manly man" type. Also, family can, with help of the courts, send you to some sort of psychiatric hospital for observation, if they believe there is an emergency. (Of course, they can't keep you there except to observe, unless they observe you to be a threat to yourself or others.) All in all, it's likely to cause a lot of grief, when it's largely unnecessary to share such a personal thing.

2) To most people, "using" your diapers, is in the same place socially as one's toilet use, only far more taboo - please keep this in mind, they might be disgusted by the act, even if they do not suffer emotional grief, or retaliate. To put it quite bluntly, the average person would rather most anything happen to them (within reason) than having to "use" a diaper, so they can't see why you would want to. Don't expect any average person to understand this, much less your family.

3) My logic is that my family and friends who are not in this circle, should be somewhat protected from knowing this sort of thing about me, due to the distress it would cause them. I would argue that it's simply not fair to them to give them this sort of information about yourself. It's a negative act, not unlike sharing some other fetish with your family.

4) Regardless of what it is to you, your family will most definitely see this as a "wierd sexually motivated fetish" - and might even think that you're a pedophile. Being that they are incapable of processing this sort of idea, because they do not share it, it is not uncommon for people who are not familiar with this sort of thing to make such assumptions. These assumptions could potentially get you in some serious trouble.

5) Don't play the incontinence defense. This isn't going to work under any circumstances, and also they might want you to see a doctor. Seeing a doctor would be bad, because rest assured, a doctor would unquestionably know the difference, and likely refer you to mental health professionals.

Still want to tell them?

More risks, which depend on the character quality and open-mindedness of your family or friends:

They could tell more people about your fetish, and it could spread far enough to affect all your friendships, or possibly your work. If your boss thinks you're a pervert, or a threat to their other employees, chances are this could turn very, very ugly. It could affect your income, and your livelihood. If you're wearing diapers to work this gets more complicated, because you're doing what is seen as engaging in sexual behaviour around the workplace. If you work with kids, this could land you in prison. Your family could also generally see it as you practicing your fetish around them. Your friends might not appreciate this either.

I am of the opinion that one's diaper fetish, or infantilism are very private matters, just like any other paraphilic behaviour. I'm sure you've known one person who (unbeknownst to you) has participated in a fetish that you find particularly troublesome. They didn't tell YOU.

Please make an informed decision! The only people you NEED to tell, are your boyfriends/girlfriends/SO/whatever, because you could really ruin a relationship if you date someone and they are unaware of it.

If you're incontinent, just be open about it to anyone who needs to know, or asks.

If you're AB/DL, avoid being open to ANYONE, who isn't your boyfriend/girlfriend/SO. Possibly very close friends. It's just not necessary to do otherwise.

I hope this advice is taken well - of course it's all negative, but that's because the truth of it all is negative.

wow you are being so negative about this whole thing... yes agreed most people will not understand why you like nappies but anyone who is mature enough and knows you well enough should at least tolerate it...

my parents found out when i was about 17 (im 22 now) and at that time i decided that a policy of total honesty was probably the best policy. i told my friends, quite a few of them where shocked to start with but my close friends all now just accept it as part of who i am, i have my nappies just in a pile on one of the shelves in my room where anyone going into my room can see them, this does not usualy result in any problems cause if somone asks about them i will warn them that they would probably rather not know but i will tell them if they realy want me to but once said it cannot be unsaid etc. and get them to agree that they will not hold it against me, i then if they peresist answer their questions only going as far as they want to take the conversation. i have yet to have anyone have a negative reaction from any of my friends or my family. true my family (mostly my mum) where quite suprised but not angry or upset and they did ask me if it was something that i wanted to stop, but when i said that i did not want to stop they simply accepted it.

as for nappies at work, im fairly sure my boss already knows that i wear nappies to work sometimes and dosent seem too bothred, i wouldnt tell him why i wear them unless he realy pushess the issue.... i will simply say that it is ocasional urinary incontinance since my boss has no power to make me go to see any medical proffessionals about it... that is the worst case scenario, and i doubt it will come to that since by wearing nappies to work i actualy get more work done... plus he is gay and im fairly sure he has a fetish of his own!

not everyone is as narrowminded as you like to sugest and many will accept you as you are, if you cant trust your closest friends and family to stand by you no mater what who can you trust?

besides this keeping secrets from even your family and closest friends can ruin your life... i know this because from about 12 till my parents discovred me i kept my nappies secret from EVERYONE as you sugest to do and i slowly became more withdrawn, my school work suffered i was constantly stressed, i got ill a lot, i became a recluse at school going to the library at break and lunch instead of the playground, my physical strength kept me relatively safe from bullieng but the others did bully me a bit... when i decided id stop hiding it all this changed, shortly after this i made my first reall friends, i had known them for a while i jus had not opened up to them, yea obviously the first thing i talk about is not nappies but after i had been friends with them for about a year they came over my house for my 18th and we got brunk and played silly games and during the course of the games they found out (truth or dare i think one of them asked about objects to aid masturbation) ever since that night we have been the best of friends and are sharing a house now!

i would like to stress that these are just ordinary people who do not judge others so long as they are not forceing their fetish/religeon/sport/lifestyle/etc. on them and i believe most decent people are the same, dont force it on them keep it to yourself unless they ask but if they do be honest...

leafy

'what a tangled web we weave when at first we practice to decieve' anon.

[Chloe]

Made a few mistakes by telling people that I considered best friends at the time, normally when we where discussing fetish topics. Most off them where alright about it. However there has been a couple that took it the wrong way. I would not openly admit it to any of the new friends I`ve made away from the scene.

As for telling family about it, this depends on lots off things. How close you are / and how you think they will react to the news.

My mum and me looked after my dad for 18 months while he had cancer, which brought us very close together. after he died I had a problem with depression, long story cut short. But told my mum about it, and she has been there for me and very understanding. Not that she has ever been my ab mummy ( nor would I want it ) but not having to hide it and could dress as I wanted when still lived at home, was the way I got over alot off my troubles at the time.

I had a website in my favs that my mum saw about a nursery, and she was the one that convinced me to go, and enjoy myself as a birthday present.

Summery :- Only you know your parents, and you are the best judge to how they might react. Just take time to consider the risks.

Take care and stay safe

Chloe

[Chloe]

I must agree about not telling friends that are not into the scene about the fetish. This can lead to all sorts of troubles. have told a few people over the years and although most have been ok, the ones that arnt can really make trouble.

As for telling your parents, A few things have to be considered. Why do you want them to know ? How close you are ? how open minded they are about issues.

My mum and me looked after my dad for 18 months while he was dying from cancer, which brought us even closer together than we where before. After he died I went into deep depression and lost control, It was telling my mum about the fetish and being able to dress as I wanted at home that helped me get through it at the time. During the descussion she told me that she already knew about my nappy wearing and the clothes I had " borrowed " from my sister.

Not that she has ever been my ab mummy ( nor would I want it ) but she has been there for me in more ways than can explain here. Was when we where looking through some of my fav websites that we came across an ab nursery, which lead to her booking me a stay as a birthday present.

Summery :- Only you know how your parents might react and your reasons for telling them. If you are not very close and still live with your parents then its probably not a good idea.

Just dont rush into telling them, not thinking things through first.

Stay safe

Chloe

[Babybrian19]

Unfortunately Seppuku is absolutely right. It's funny how all the people who had good experiences say things like "dont be so negative" and all those with bad experiences say "don't tell them". I had an OK experience and still say this is on a need-to-know basis type thing. No matter how much you trust your friends, being an adult baby basically has nothing to do with it. This is completely different. Just look at the yahoo question/answer part of the website. Most of the adult baby related questions, 99% of the answers are people who just laugh at them and tell them to seek profesional help. Or the astronaut wife who drove 900 miles in a diaper, when I heard my family or friends talk about it, they didn't just laugh, they were weirded out. And she only used the diaper for a road trip not dressing up as a baby and sleeping in a crib. On the late night shows, the set-up to the joke was all that was needed to get a laugh. When Jay or Conan would get to the word diaper, the audience would let out this chuckle and laugh. It sort of seemed like they couldn't hold it in. People genuinely get freaked out about adults who want to wear diapers, assuming they've even heard of the practice. Trust me, your average joe just cannot comprehend why you would want to wear diapers. My mom found out one day and was OK with it to a point. Now everytime it's brought up she says don't waste your money on those things, or why do you want to do that? Even when I tell her it's my way of relieving stress she just downright doesn't understand. Your absolutely right in saying most people would rather anything else happen to them then to have to wear and use a diaper. I know it can be hard for AB's to understand why average people don't understand but trust me, they don't. I didn't know either but eventually I came to realize this is something that needs to be kept private. Not because I'm embarassed, but because other people would freak out at the sight of me.

[seppuku]

I've never told a single soul, except:

1) Other "diaper people".

2) A couple of girlfriends.

The latter has almost always ended on a happy note, but generally has ended the relationship.

[Incontinent Jennifer]

Your absolutely right in saying most people would rather anything else happen to them then to have to wear and use a diaper.

I'd have to say, before the crash, I'd have thought diapers would have been the worse thing that could ever happen to me.

Now, in diapers 24/7, I can think of 1,000 things far worse than diapers.

[b0xer21]

i told my gf. at first she thought i was joking...then actually thought it was cute. then i told her that i was jealous she got to wear such cool underwear, and that guy's boxers were boring. she laughed and said if i was lucky she'd take me shoppin for some of hers, and she told me that she could tell i liked it. i don't like it a lot, but its fun to play with every once in a while. anyways, she always got a kick out of dressing me up. for some reason she told my older sister...and she was cool with it...even though i really didn't want her to know that. i told 2 girls i was interested in, and honestly...they took it alright, but i might just keep it to myself until things get serious. wow that was long....

[b0xer21]

i told my gf (now ex after 3 years). at first she thought i was joking...then actually thought it was cute. then i told her that i was jealous she got to wear such cool underwear, and that guy's boxers were boring. she laughed and said if i was lucky she'd take me shoppin for some of hers, and she told me that she could tell i liked it. i don't like it a lot, but its fun to play with every once in a while. anyways, she always got a kick out of dressing me up. for some reason she told my older sister...and she was cool with it...even though i really didn't want her to know that. i told 2 girls i was interested in, and honestly...they took it alright, but i might just keep it to myself until things get serious. wow that was long....

[DIAPERPHANTOM]

I pretty much advocate the same thing, seppuku, and I wanted to add my support to your post. I know there are always going to be exceptions to the "need-to-know" policy, but it's a good one to follow IMO.

BTW, I consider your advice positive and informative, you just point out the negative aspects of telling others. There is a difference!

[seppuku]

Thanks for the kind words.

as Phantom above me has said, it's just the negative aspects i'm pointing out here, I do realize there is a possibility of positive ones.

The bottom line is, people don't take BDSM to work/friends/family, nor watersports.

Why is a diaper fetish suddenly different?

[chris576]

I don't think I've posted on many comments, but this one hits the hardest to me.

I waited until I was married to tell my wife that I'm a DL. (Before people start, I know I should have told her sooner. Hindsight is always 20/20)

Anyway, I told her and she had the first response I would have expected. She asked every question imaginable. Although I cannot relate to a lot of people on here, I answered the best of my ability. She asked "What, why, are you wearing one right now, what makes you like it, ect, ect." I wear diapers as a way of letting myself relax and feel secure. Not a lot of people here feel the same as me (I.E. it's not a sexual thing) But trying to explain that too someone who doesn't understand why we do what we do, is like tying to teach hinduism to christians. Its all of up to peoples perspective, of what they've been told or been taught about wearing diapers on how to make them feel. As like many adults, wearing a diaper is very wrong from the time they've been potty trained.

After pleading my case to my wife that my fetish does not, or will not affect out love life, she tought it was disgusting. She made me feel like I was doing something wrong. Reading a lot of posts on here (and on other websiets) made me feel to believe that she would either, 1. be curious and let me do my thing and everything would be the same or (in my case) 2. Be so utterly against it as to make me feel like I am a hurt to society.

I told her I would stop wearing if that that mean't we would stay together. It has been a little harder to give up than I thought, but in the end it will be worth it.

All that I wanted to say from my experiece was to tell your partner early and see if they really love you, no matter what you like to do.

--chris576

[Dill_Pickle]

I don't think I've posted on many comments, but this one hits the hardest to me.

I waited until I was married to tell my wife that I'm a DL. (Before people start, I know I should have told her sooner. Hindsight is always 20/20)

(snip)

--chris576

Chris:

You are wrong about hindsight there...it's about 20/10... ::horse

[diapermommie]

I know no one has posted in this topic, but I ran across it, and I have to ask. Why? Why would you feel the need to tell your parents, or your friends? I can see telling some friends, based on your history and their personality. But why your parents?? For me, there are a couple of people that know. A couple being my boyfriend, who's been involved alot longer than I have in the abdl world, and an online friend. My best friend, I've known for 31 years, but I wouldn't tell him. Just like I don't need to know the secrets of what he and his partner do behind closed doors, I don't feel the need to tell him what I do.

It just seems alot of people discover there is a whole world to abdl, and they want to talk about it alot, and they want to be brave and tell people because they are proud of themselves for accepting themselves. Which is great and everything. But I don't tell my parents every thing about my life, nor my friends. I would never talk about sex toys with my parents, maybe with a few friends, and certainly not in great detail. I'm just curious why some people feel the need to tell people, especially parents, who aren't directly involved in their life in that manner.

[paradox]

I agree with the above. Just sit and think. Would you walk up to your mom and dad, vibrator in hand, and say "Hey guys look what I can do!' I am almost positive none of you will. And yes I understand it is not sexual for some and more of a life style society will still take it that way.

[StillinDi]

I know about dat and when people ask mes I say no way jimmy. Tause Ive been der and got the t-shirt so believe me and obers when we say dont tell yous parents otay.