Unsolicited Private Messages From Newbies

[DollyDiaper]

.... And not "odd" in the least either seppuku. On the contrary, it's the few who doggedly downplay the problem and refuse to even listen and consider where we are coming from that I find odd.

I agree with Pipsqueak, I've had/have the pleasure of interacting with some fab men on this board.

D lly

[DIAPERPHANTOM]

if you want to be excluded from that sweeping generalization, then show these women that you're with them, and take a vocal stand against this crap. It seems that only the women mostly (but like 3 or 4 men... of hundreds) have stood up and said anything, and some of the men have even tried to downplay their problems!

You have a very good point, seppuku! Unfortunately, I don't have any real solution to this problem.

- Unless DailyDi requires new members to read some sort of site etiquette page before joining that addresses these concerns, I don't see a way to curtail this problem.

- A possible restriction for newbies on any PM’g for a month would probably fix this problem, but I think DailyDi does a very good job of accommodating everyone, not just the girls, on this site by having few restrictions, so I am reluctant to advocate for this course of action.

- I've also thought of addressing these concerns when welcoming new members, but I really don't feel comfortable talking about something negative while trying to welcome someone. Although I have challenged some on what they've said on the boards, I really don't have any authority to dictate what others do on this site, that's DailyDi's realm.

This issue has been address several times in one way or another on the boards. I hope this post of yours, Dolly, has had some positive impact on this issue, as I also see it as a real concern as well. The few girls that are here that actively participate make this site that much more enjoyable. I would hate to see any of them get tired of dealing with this and decide to leave.

You have my full support girls, but sadly, I fear this problem is not going to go away any time soon.

[DIAPERPHANTOM]

On another note:

I don't necessarily agree with what some have said in here about adding people to their friends list. I wasn’t here when that part of the site was added, so when I returned I wasn't familiar with the etiquette of asking first. Had Jenniebear not brought that to my attention I would not have given it a second thought. My friends list is made up of members that I like to stay in touch with on the boards and it gives me easy access to see if they've been active recently. My point is that not everything is black and white and I may have offended some by adding them to my list, but that wasn't my intent.

[Sunshine2585]

Phantom, in the places where the whole friends list thing has been mentioned in this thread, it is kinda different to what you are talking about. For me, I wouldn't be bothered if someone I had already been in contact with outside the board, or had interacted with and liked on the boards had added me to their friends list without asking me. But the reason it was brought up during this thread is because the types of people that are joining the board and sending out mass PM's to all the girls are then adding all the girls on the board to their friends list. These are guys that we don't know and haven't interacted with on the board. And they are doing it to look popular to other people or to try and get these girls to message them. If we then don't show signs of wanting to be friends with them because they messaged or added us as a friend, they have no intention of joining in on the board and perhaps getting to know us.

I can't imagine someone objecting to someone that they know adding them without asking first. I know that when the friends feature was first installed, I added the people that I was friends with or interacted quite a bit with on the board. And I didn't have any messages from any of them asking me to remove them.

[DollyDiaper]

I'm glad Sunshine has explained the basis of our objection to being added to Friends' Lists, i.e. we can't possibly be friends of someone we've never heard of or had little or no interaction with.

PHANT M, it's well over a year since you were in the above category from my own perspective. And in spite of the 'notch on the bedpost' comment I made earlier about a possible reason for being randomly added to someone's list without my knowledge, I know you would never view me as a notch on your bedpost, metaphorical or for real. I know that's just my own little fantasy, not yours!

D lly

[DIAPERPHANTOM]

But the reason it was brought up during this thread is because the types of people that are joining the board and sending out mass PM's to all the girls are then adding all the girls on the board to their friends list. These are guys that we don't know and haven't interacted with on the board. And they are doing it to look popular to other people or to try and get these girls to message them.

Sunshine2585, I see your point. Since I don't experience this directly, I find it difficult to draw the same conclusions, but I don't doubt what you are saying. I just haven't seen this to the extent you and others are referring. However, if I were 20 years younger, I might be putting a friends list together in much the same manner in hopes that I could meet a girl in here as well. I agree that this is not the best way of going about it, but I also understand what drives some of the males in here to do this.

It would not be wrong to assume that there may be just as many girls in here that want to be pursued, regardless of tactics, as there are that don't. I wish I knew the answer to that, but I'm sure that's how many males in here see it.

Although I enjoy sharing my thoughts with other males, I too am guilty of having a much, much stronger desire to interact with the females in here. I looked at my friends list today and discovered that very few straight males are on it. That tells me something and given the proportion of straight male vs. everybody else, you would think it would be more balanced, but it's not.

Unfortunately, the girls in here are obviously overly prayed upon, so it's understandable that it gets annoying after a while for you and others. There is an extra burden for you girls to be here, but I for one applaud your willingness to put up with it to be part of this community. What else can I say...?

"I know you would never view me as a notch on your bedpost, metaphorical or for real. I know that's just my own little fantasy, not yours! "

D lly

[luvs]

here is one

Hey, Today, 02:49 AM

Newborn

Group: Validating

Posts: 2

Member No.: 9,503

Joined: 2-December 06

Hey Luvs, just thought I would say hi and see how long you have been a mommy for? Where are you located?? I have always wanted a mommy to take care of me. Have had a few good daddys, but never a mommy. Hope to hear back from ya ttyl Jimmy

is that what you are talking about?

[DollyDiaper]

here is one

Hey, Today, 02:49 AM

Newborn

Group: Validating

Posts: 2

Member No.: 9,503

Joined: 2-December 06

Hey Luvs, just thought I would say hi and see how long you have been a mommy for? Where are you located?? I have always wanted a mommy to take care of me. Have had a few good daddys, but never a mommy. Hope to hear back from ya ttyl

is that what you are talking about?

I would probably reply to this PM as I don't find it rude. It's not a crass one-liner, he's addressed you by name. and as you're a mommy, it's clearly not one of a C & P job-lot to all the women here.

However, I would suggest in my reply that he takes the time to get to know some of us by initially posting in the Newbie Nursery and/or introducing himself in the chatroom and then contributing in the rest of the Forums or Chat thereafter.

Just a quick point, please could you exclude the name of the sender from any PM you post here. I don't believe naming & shaming is the answer. Thanks.

Dolly

[Guest Diaperdragon]

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I would defiantly block him and bar him from contacting me

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[Sunshine2585]

here is one

Hey, Today, 02:49 AM

Newborn

Group: Validating

Posts: 2

Member No.: 9,503

Joined: 2-December 06

Hey Luvs, just thought I would say hi and see how long you have been a mommy for? Where are you located?? I have always wanted a mommy to take care of me. Have had a few good daddys, but never a mommy. Hope to hear back from ya ttyl

is that what you are talking about?

This message does look different than other unsolicited PM's that we have been talking about in this thread. For one thing, it says that the guy joined in December of last year, which immediately differentiates him from the people talked about in this thread. They are normally very new members.

Another thing that distinguishes it from the ones that were already copied and pasted into this thread is that is longer than a line or a sentence. And it is quite friendly overall, with him saying hi at the start and ending the message.

Also, he has asked questions, and although the one about location might not be one which you feel comfortable divulging, you should still know the answers to the other questions. So he is giving you an easy way to PM him. The fact that it is specifically aimed towards you does also set it apart from the mass, impersonal messages.

So, it is my opinion that this PM is quite different to the messages talked about in this thread, even though on the surface, they are all unsolicited because I'm assuming that you haven't interacted with him on the board or in the chat room.

Even if you have no wish to be friends with him, or you aren't looking for a baby boy, then it wouldn't take much time to quickly respond to him thanking him for the message and explaining why you don't want to speak to him again.

[luvs]

well how do I say this, oh yea I don't want to be a mommy for anyone I already have my own baby. He used to be on this form but because a girl on here got him mad he no longer comes on. This is just the latest dumb PM.

Newborn

Group: Members

Posts: 0

Member No.: 11,387

Joined: 22-March 07

hi, kinda new here, 50/m, definitely dl, would like to explore ab side too. Would love to chat sometime.

[DollyDiaper]

well how do I say this, oh yea I don't want to be a mommy for anyone I already have my own baby. He used to be on this form but because a girl on here got him mad he no longer comes on.

"....no longer comes on." or recently Banned?

Is this the same person you are asking about in the Support Forum?

D lly

[luvs]

"....no longer comes on." or recently Banned?

Is this the same person you are asking about in the Support Forum?

D lly

Not that it matters but no. I am asking for a very good friend. Does that answer your question?

[pampermeinia]

bump bump

[luvs]

bump bump

are you just trying to be funny.

[crys_138]

Already been necro'd, but just a little something to add...

Guys aren't the only offenders. I got a PM in chat the other night... lo and behold, a girl wondering about my A/S/L, asking if I'm wearing, and other stuff I'm not necessarily comfortable disclosing to someone I've never met. Being new myself (to this site, not to online in general), I wasn't sure about what the etiquette was for the chat here, so I just politely let the PM die after a while, but it's good to know that if it's one of those kind of messages being sent, I can just ignore it, or ask (in the open) that it be kept in the open.

[Manchesterlad]

I can say ive never experance it on this site usally by girl offering pic of them selfs naked for a small fee(not quite as bad as what some of you ladyies experance) but it is anoying. Its how dimwited they are why ask for ASL if made quite clear by your profile. Did have one person on the chat room on here do it to me, if you want to know my sex and you want to knwo where iam from look at the feckin name.

EDIT:

Oh yeh i would suspect some of them are not actaully intrested in peeps on here and just want to have a laugh at out expanse.

[PrincessDragonette]

Maybe I am beating a dead horse, but I want to reiterate that the unsolicited pm's are NOT to females only as I am pm'ed in the chatroom regularly. I find it irritating but have noticed that a polite explanation and a invitation to join in the chatroom conversation usually solves the problem. For those that don't get the hint, I just inform them rudely that I do not wish to chat.

Also, again to reiterate something, portraying this as something that is the fault of ALL males, and that ALL we have on our minds is sex is just blatantly not true and somewhat sexist. Many of us are on here only in search of friends and a good conversation. To lump us all in the bag with a few idiots is very inconsiderate and narrow-minded.

I would admit that I have committed a few etiquette violations during my brief time here, although it was completely out of ignorance (and to those who were victims I sincerely apologize).

I would advocate to all reading this post, patience first out of deference to the newbies and if that does not work, THEN be rude and block the person.

[DollyDiaper]

Maybe I am beating a dead horse, but I want to reiterate that the unsolicited pm's are NOT to females only as I am pm'ed in the chatroom regularly. I find it irritating but have noticed that a polite explanation and a invitation to join in the chatroom conversation usually solves the problem. For those that don't get the hint, I just inform them rudely that I do not wish to chat.

Also, again to reiterate something, portraying this as something that is the fault of ALL males, and that ALL we have on our minds is sex is just blatantly not true and somewhat sexist. Many of us are on here only in search of friends and a good conversation. To lump us all in the bag with a few idiots is very inconsiderate and narrow-minded.

I would admit that I have committed a few etiquette violations during my brief time here, although it was completely out of ignorance (and to those who were victims I sincerely apologize).

I would advocate to all reading this post, patience first out of deference to the newbies and if that does not work, THEN be rude and block the person.

I entirely agree with your second paragraph wellpadded and it's good to hear another rational male perspective on this issue,

Of course, I'm aware this problem isn't entirely confined to women but as I don't presume to speak for men, I can only tell it from my own perspective as a woman, so thanks for your input.

D lly

[Toddler Sissy]

To share the most recent unsolicted PM I have received...

hi hi ( From: *name taken out as not to name and shame*)

o me love diapers want u to change em goo goo ga ga

It's stuff like this that makes being a part of the community so hard sometimes. To any newbies reading this (as long as we're bumping for their sake...): yes, we all understand your loneliness and desire to find someone to play with. Yes, we all have had times where we wondered if we could ever find an outlet with another person. That does not mean we feel comfortable doing anything with you online. For many of us, this is a deeply personal experience, on par with having sex at least. Even someone with extremely loose morals is unlikely to have sex with someone who just walks up to them on the street and asks "want to have sex with me?" While you may seem encouraged by the fact that we obviously share your interest, and are open enough to discuss it here, please recall that no matter how nice you are, to us you're a total stranger, and it's going to be creepy, at best.

Also, to everyone who has been receiving these kinds of PMs (especially you, Pipi Moogs, based on this one), I wouldn't rule out another explanation: trolling, and harassment from outsiders. This hasn't been raised in this thread before, as far as I read, and I think it definitely merits mentioning. More so than the other examples given, this one just seems inflammatory. Maybe it's the baby talk, or poor grammar and spelling, but I wonder if this person was some guy/girl trying to get their rocks off, or some rude individual cackling with glee about how insulting they were being. The fact is, this sort of thing happens more often than you'd think, and it's inevitable, with a lifestyle like ours, that juvenile, mean-spirited people will attempt to ruin life for us for no other reason than harassing us amuses them. Part of my reluctance to come here is because of such behavior: I used to be an active member of a sissy chat board community, until vicious and constant trolling literally drove me away in tears. It got to the point I couldn't make a single post without it happening, and it really caused problems for the board as a whole. Now, while that's a rather extreme example, I'd hate to see anyone here suffer something like that, so I am just saying to be on guard.

I actually think it's a credit to the people on here that no one even contemplated trolling at this point; everyone has assumed these people to be misguided ABs/DLs. That's commendable.

[DollyDiaper]

I've received three PM's in the last two days from total strangers with no posts to their name, asking if they can add me to their Friends' List!

As I've said before in this thread, how can I possibly know if I wish to be friends with someone I've never seen on DD?! If you've just joined, please take the time to get to 'know' us first and for us to 'know' you by posting on the boards - either by joining in the existing topics/discussions, or starting a thread of your own. Introducing yourselves in Newbie Nursery would be a good place to start

Sending random requests and one-liner PM's out will only alienate, especially if they are a C & P job-lot!

Try some patience please guys, Rome wasn't built in a day

D lly

[diaperwearntigger]

This is why I have me friends list sent by approval only. No one can just add me as a friend, I have that right to add or deny anyone, and yes I like it that way, because it does help with those people whom I have never spoken to before or even seen before. Everyone on my friends list is someone that I have spoken to more than on one occassion and whom I feel are true friends. I think everyone on here has a right to chose whom they want to associate with, I have had those who just scream HNG, and those who don't get a clue, and those whom are dear to me.

If you don't realize that you can put an approval only on your friends list, now you do. Someone wants to add you as friends and you receive an email stating who it is, and then you can say add or deny. Its a great feature, it's up there with ignore!

[DollyDiaper]

Thanks tigger, but I put that function in place quite soon after the Friends' List was introduced here. However, it still doesn't stop the PM's notifying me that Mr Unknown is asking my approval to add me to their List.

The point I was trying to make was that I don't understand why a total stranger, with no posts to their name, would expect me to approve them adding me as a friend

D lly

[DollyDiaper]

This just popped up on my screen and I don't know how I could possibly resist

Newborn

Group: Members

Posts: 0

Member No.: -

Joined: -

HI, want to chat, i love to chat with a female while in very very soft cloth diapers

It has all the hallmarks and charm of a C & P job-lot. Anyone else get a copy?

D lly

[Repaid1]

Nice one Dolly, Ya mean you didn't want to jump on that one? Now whats a C&P?