Posers

[missyD]

Some like to assume a role when in chat. We most often see men posing as women, very often as mommies. Role playing is fun, and gives us a chance to break out of a life that may be unhappy. However, as many of us have found, it can also be damaging. Some gentle soles open their hearts to others, share their fears, their successes, their trials and tribulations only to find out that they have been lied to. It can be devastating. Imagine making plans to go and see a special girl, only to find out that they are not who they say they are. Imagine spending time listening to their problems, counselling them, only to find out that it is just a pack of lies. Perhaps there is just one lie, but now, who knows what is truth and what is fiction.

I am feeling particularly hurt right now... I have come to the conclusion that a very special person isn't who they say they are... and it hurts. It hurts so very badly. I wish people wouldn't do that.

[jenniebear]

... my heart feels for you missy....why anyone would play with anothers emotions is beyond me.......

i believe everything happens for a reason though...and each phase in life is a stepping stone to the next level......while you are in pain now......focus on moving forward...don't dwell on the negative that someone else has brought into your life.......i believe that what you put out there.......is what you will get back......so maybe not now...but in the future...if you are putting out there what you wish to receive....it will come to you...probably when you least expect it......

wishing you well, jennie

[babymikey06]

Missy im sorry that someone has done such a mean thing to you.

[Morv]

I must admit that I have often pretended to be someone I am not, however, I never take further than assuming a persona in a chatroom for a period of time. I don't think I have the time to waste on leading someone on for an extended period of time. The only time I've ever pretended to be a woman was when some dude started messaging me and wouldn't stop, so I just gave him like 20 minutes of BS while I was hanging out with other people.

I can see how taking playing make-believe too far can be harmful. Hope things work out well missyD. There's always more people out there.

[diapered peter]

gosh im sorry missy for me u have always since the first day we talked been a very speciel girl to me

dont give up missy there are still wonderfull ppl here and honest too

i know i met the best friends here in daily di

dont u ever give up or doubt of that

love u

peter

[peedpants]

Couldn't have said it better MissyD, welcome back.

[icebaby]

sorry to hear u been hurt and i hope u can come to me anytime

[ajc2000]

Sorry to hear that missy.

I am fairly new to chat rooms and just can't understand why anyone would want to do that to someone else, do they get a kick out of it or something??

hope to see you back soon.

[ruuuuuuuuu1]

missy mes sorry you have ran in 2 a fake person here on the net, it could hurt alot i have learned years back.

i realy dont understand what people are thinking when they misrepresenting them selfs,it makes me wonder if the hole like is a misrepresented joke.

i have leaned on the net it takes sometime to tell what kind of persons on the other end of the key board. its so hard to tell someones true intentions and motives now a days, and this world is getting more wacked, makes me think this problem will get worse. so people should try to spend time and notice how this people reaact with others. well in my opiion the person that runs into a misreprenting person needs to tell everyone who it is becoue they wont stop unless treathened bye others toughts. and i think the only way this will stop is bye narcking them out to the room, that way others will see and it will stop, silly i know the way i think is warped. but i think i can say missy is good people and its sad this happens to a person like her.,,,,,,, these kinda people are rare noadays mes lucky to run into peoples like this inreal life and when i do,i try to help them in real life. hugs to missy and hugs her tighty4 ever i also try to help others like this in the room.as everyone that knows me knows this about me. i dont gooooooooooo over 5 mph

[PPBear]

fakes & flakes...

I've been had , one time for a couple of years and know the distress of being betrayed. If it is any comfort consider the person that betrays you, they have made real friends but it is fatally flawed. They could find the love of their lives but it will be forever out of reach, no love survives that level of dishonesty. For you, it is *over* when you find the truth, for them, is is rejection so complete that they know there is no way back. Betrayal hurts, so does rejection. A person can be anything they like on the net, even themselves, some take a while to figure that one out.

I strongly suspect the large percentage of fake females are seeking that quick hit of attention being a 'girl' in a chatroom provides but they get trapped into the persona & the lie it represents. Some dont care, when caught, they just make a new legend for themselves and start again, those are the flakes: people that exploit others for their needs with no intention or ability to make real friends. Such a sad & crippled existence is it's own reward, which is about all the comfort a victim can get when used by such a person. Learn the lesson and move on.

The ones that loose the friendships they falsly formed and feel that loss, may learn from that and start again, as who & what they are. Not an easy thing to do as lieing is a first defense a child has when they have a secret like diapers. It becomes habitual and is very hard to break. It takes a certain sort of bravery or desperation to just be who & what you are but it would seem to be the only way you will be able to make real friends. It is a lesson that is hard for some to learn and for others will be forever beyond their grasp.

'tis better to have loved, trusted and cared than to never know those things at all, but what you give comes back to you. It may mean pain but it also means a companionship forever lost to those that can't do that. To allow cynicism to stiffle friendship would deprive an honest person real friends but a certain amount of sceptasim is in order. Some of the signs of a fake is an evasiveness about pictures and a total rejection of webcams & voice. Another hint is overly cutesey female nicks and pink text, sometimes coupled to strident feminist kant... 'me thinks she protestith too much.' comes to mind here. Being deffensive and insulted that someone would doubt their word is another ploy. When pressed they have every excuse and an irritable rejection of the simple need for proof and that is proof enough of deception.

As to pics, the only acceptable ones are camera original pics, compossed to order is good, not fiddled with, or webcam is best, they dont need to be, nor should such pics be explicite... those that insist on such would seem to be flakes, if not fakes. Most folks are decent but the ones that are not make it harder to trust what you find out here, being firm about proof and sensative to being manipulated are good lines of defense. Remember, the first sign of a 'con' is something for nothing, be it freindship, love or money.

So... if someone asks for proof that you are who & what you say who you are be prepared to exchange it with them for it is a two way street. Those with something to hide usually are presenting a lie and are not who & what they say they are, they maybe amussing & fun but be aware they are likely a fake or a flake and as such they are not your friend and never can be.

The best you can do is to learn the lesson and move on, not turn away and hide from the real friends you have out here.

[PPBear]

perhaps a bit of clarification is in order about requests to verify what you say you are...

After a suitable period of mutually enjoyable interaction a request to exchange proof of identity is a sign of interest in going further with it. I would not feel that way about someone's one sided demand for proof, like a/s/l, it would be a quick step to iggy and a sure sign of a flake. You wont make friends in a meet market where picking over profiles is the basis of sellecting who to express an interest in, friends are made through mutual interests, displayed over time, be it posts or chat.

You can only be as honest with yourself as you are willing to be with others and honesty is the key to forming durable friendships. That is not the only reason people come here but for many, it is the core of why they are here.

[Pipsqueak]

It's a despicable thing for someone to pose as someone or something they're not in a place like this, where many people are allowing themselves - many for the first time - to be openly vulnerable about an area of their lives that, for most of us, has been a well-guarded secret since childhood. Because we often believe that it's unlikely that we'll ever have that special relationship we crave (mommy/daddy/baby), when we get our hopes up that it might actually happen it can be all the more devastating to find out that it was all a lie.

Missy, I hope you'll keep trying and that the next person will be genuine and caring.

[DollyDiaper]

Well said Pipsqueak.

I'm sorry to hear about your distressing experience Missy and it may not be much comfort to you right now, but I know I've met some genuine, kind and caring people here.

I don't think I'll ever understand what pleasure anyone derives from playing the kind of games that deliberately mess with other people's emotions in any community, but especially in an online environment where we have to take so much on trust - or we risk interacting in an atmosphere of paranoia.

I think the most disturbing of all tricks is the 'Alters' who use the cloak of anonymity to say things (often inflammatory, insulting and derogatory) that they wouldn't say under their primary username. I believe these alters are the most instrumental in creating paranoia here. Some have argued that it doesn't much matter because it's all fantasy anyway but I totally disagree, and for the reasons that others have already mentioned, there is no excuse for dishonesty.

Communities such as DD involve real human beings with real human emotions, as Missy has demonstrated, and we forget that at our own peril.

Dolly

[BoTox]

I'm sorry to hear about your distressing experience Missy and it may not be much comfort to you right now, but I know I've met some genuine, kind and caring people here.

--- clipped for brevity ---

Communities such as DD involve real human beings with real human emotions, as Missy has demonstrated, and we forget that at our own peril.

There will always be those that take pleasure in other's misery. It is a sad state of affairs and as Dolly said, 'forget that at our own peril.'

I've seen it before many times. Many people have said and done things to purposely hurt others, not just on this board but in many, many places all over the internet. I can't fathom what drives these people to do this. Do they honestly need that kind of terrorist behavior to get their jollies? There is a severe mental short coming with these people and you just have to try and be above it.

[missyD]

Thank you all for your kind replies,,,, i am sure many of you will make an assumption about who i am talking about, but that is not the reason for my posting... I guess I just wanted to vent a bit, and , well, to tell the truth to share my pain. Unfortunately, the effect will be to make me a little harder, a little more cynical, a little less open.

[fideliuscharm]

Unfortunately, the effect will be to make me a little harder, a little more cynical, a little less open.

Thats not necessarily a bad thing, as long as you keep the reins under your thumb as it were. I'm sorry that someone decided to lie to you, Very not cool.

If I may share part of my own life briefly, back when I was just starting being an ab/dl around 1998 or so, I met someone online who lied to me from the start, taking advantage of my new found amazement at realizing there were 'others like me' for whatever their reason.

In my case I was naive, and my expectations/hopes in retrospect were clearly distorted thinking.

It was a painful lesson, but one well learned. I try harder now to keep things in context, its not that I'm more cynical, and less open *all* the time, but rather at the right times.

I hope things work themselves out.

Cheers.

-df

[DollyDiaper]

I'm sorry to hear it happened to you too darkforest. It seems that many of us here have had to learn this lesson the hard way.

But I also agree with you about not letting these distressing disappointments make us cynical and less open, just as long as we reflect on these experiences and learn from them.

Missy, I hope when you reflect on this sad experience that you will discover there are ways in which we can retain our openness, (as darkforest said "at the right times") whilst doing our best to protect ourselves at the same time, without compromising our integrity.

Dolly

[MyNameIsDee]

Sorry Missy you and me both I dont think I will be quite as trusting again it does hurt very much so but I suppose it was my fault for trying to believe that some people could be honest.

Hugs

[missyD]

Sorry Missy you and me both I dont think I will be quite as trusting again it does hurt very much so but I suppose it was my fault for trying to believe that some people could be honest.

Hugs

Hi Dee.... It does hurt doesn't it. If only this person would have just come clean and told us that they weren't who they said they are. I understand that sometimes life sucks so much, that you just want to be someone else. and I would be ok with that. I just want them to admit it - if there is anyone who could understand wanting to be someone else, it is me. Well, Dee, there are some good honest folk out here, and I hope I am one.

[MyNameIsDee]

Missy your honesty has never come into question.

I am just hurt to think I was led a merry dance but it is my own fault I have to admit it.

But it does hurt very much.

I just wish that she would come clean and tell me once and for all just what is happening would make life so much more simple.