Not Able To Enjoy...

[dlconfusion]

I told my girlfriend that I had a really really embarrassing secret a while ago and I built it up so much that when I finally told her, she just laughed (nicely) and was completely relieved. She told me without me asking her that she'd be willing to "help me out" and everything.

A little over a week ago we actually did some playing with them for the first time together. When I went to buy the diapers she told me she was even excited. She's been great about it.

I'm the one with the problem. I feel so weird and goofy for liking diapers (and have since I was 3 or 4) that I can hardly enjoy being with her doing this. In my mind I'm constantly playing very negative little things I think she's thinking (but I know she's not). I'm so embarrassed that it's hard for me to relax.

Any suggestions?

[abdljoey]

I dunno.

Maybe replace negative with positive? At the time, verbally tell your gf you love her. And other affirmations. See what happens.

[ohiobabygirl]

wow i truely know how your feeling. i told my b/f about it and i tried not to think about it when i did it the first time. he hugged me and knew i was really nervous about it. i dont know how to not be nervous with this subject around him. i feel like i cant do it b/c of what he's thinking. if you have any tips let me know and i'll let you know..

[PPBear]

Being shy about it can be eased somewhat by being blindfolded , it helps by relieving you of having to respond. Another trick that helps reduce distress is to let her watch how you do diapering, you get to explain why you do it in a particular way and how it works for you. After that, she may not do it in the same way but at least she will know how you do it and why, her way may work better.

Try a pacifier while you are being diapered so the temptation to make excuses or give instructions wont be as great, a plushie to cuddle is also good. For the first while, you may want to keep a pacifier in your face while in diapers, you dont have to explain it, just answer her questions honestly and only answer the questions she asks. The temptation is to try & explain / justify what you are into but that is more to jsutify it to you, she will make up her own mind. If she wants to hear from you, she can take out the soother.

There is an emense amount of pent up verbiage around this and emotions can run high, try writing out a 'post mortem' after a session to tell her what worked and what caused you distress, writing is less stressful for most folks than talking. Hope this helps & good luck with it.

[enfant]

I know just how you feel, I went through something similar. My wife never objected to diaper play, but at first when she tried to participate with me, things always went badly wrong--not that it wasn't exciting for me, but afterward I felt so ashamed for having let her see this side of me that I'd get withdrawn, avoidant, and a little sullen for a few days. Our sex life would be pretty terrible afterward, and she came to resent me for it.

Here's what fixed it for me, and I don't know if this is applicable to you, but all I can do is tell you my story. One night she confronted me about how much of a drag it was for her to have to deal with my feelings of shame all the time. I guess I was feeling safe that night, and I was able to come out of my shell a bit and talk about it openly. I don't remember most of the places the conversation went, but I do remember saying that I was accustomed to hiding when I wore diapers, not letting myself be seen by someone else, because I felt like a freak. And I wished that when I wore diapers, I could just once feel normal.

She picked up on that, and suggested we brainstorm on ways to help me feel more normal. An idea came to me, and I was a little hesitant to mention it, but I decided to go ahead anyway. I said, "Well... what if, for a while, I wore diapers as a routine thing? Whether I was in the mood for them or not?"

"What kind of routine?"

"Well, like... what if I wore diapers to bed every night, even if I didn't really want to?"

"Hmm. How would that help?"

"I was thinking, it might sort of demystify them... make me feel more used to them, outside of the sexual context. And then maybe I could sort out the shame feelings without the sex feelings confusing me. I dunno, maybe it's a dumb idea."

She thought that over for a moment, and then I remember she got very decisive. "Okay, yes," she said, "that's what you're going to do. Go get a diaper. Now."

"... Really?"

"Now."

So that's what we did. I wore a diaper that night, and we talked some more and set up some basic rules. I made a commitment to stick to this, and she made a commitment to hold me to it if I tried to squirm out of it. And I felt really weird and creepy in the morning, as usual, and I really didn't feel like going ahead with it, but when bedtime came, it was, "Go get a diaper and lie down."

And sure enough, the third day I didn't feel so weird and creepy. And the fourth day even less, and within a week or two, exactly as I'd hoped, I'd come to feel that wearing diapers in front of her was normal. Still sexy, yes, but normal. And after that, we were able to start incorporating more mommy/baby play into our relationship without me freaking out and withdrawing anymore.

The arrangement lasted almost a year, and then we went on a three-week vacation and it seemed a little scary to bring diapers along, so we switched to it being a sometimes thing instead of an every night thing. (I sometimes wish I'd been a little braver on that vacation, but so it goes.) But I never really felt ashamed of being seen by her as an infantilist anymore. Sometimes there's still a little self-consciousness, but nothing like before.

I'm not suggesting this exact idea would work for you, but talk it over with her and see if there's some way she can help you come to feel less awkward and self-conscious, and more comfortable with her participation. I think my wife would agree that it can be rewarding.

[babybrian1973]

that's a wonderful answer enfant!

for me, when i found Brenda (mommy)

and we played baby a few times, the

whole ab thing was really unmystified

for me and really don't feel like doing

it much anymore. she's into it and all,

perhaps more than me. through all of

this i came to a realization, i preffer

the fantasy of being an ab.

[Brisby]

not to break the topic here. but i didn't actualy notice you talking about the problem being related to sex and diapers, just seemed to be diapers in general.

so i just thought i would ask if the problem was in an area other then in the bedroom.

still, you could try something like wearing them under your clothing around the house (or out in the world if you're brave) while she is there.

the idea here is that you will become comfortable with yourself in a diaper while she is around you.

Hopefully the clothing would create a mental comfort-zone where you would have plausable deniability, still be able to tell yourself that she doesn't "know" you're wearing a diaper.

it's the same idea the othet posters have been advising, i'm just saying it under a different scenario. If you want diapers to be part of your relationship, then you need to find a way to make yourself comfortable with them.

She's not going to break up with you just becouse of diapers. she likes YOU, and thats just another part of you, a private part that you are willing to share with her... with how freely people give away sex these days, I could argue that it's a more intimate part of you - but that may just be my poetic side talking.

anyway, you've already told her your secret... she's still there with you. and if you put yourself in a place where you feel you have to hide your desires, or give them up completly you'll most likely be very unhappy, and that could actualy eat away at yout relationship.

[TerryBigBum]

I think that every1 who tells their partners probably feel the same, I know I did, with all the guilt and shame. I think it is probably normal especially if it was YOUR secret for years. One thing I do know is that it does get easier with time and eventually it will just be part of the norm.

[superdiaperbaby]

Something I have been wearing disposable underwear alot, even around my girlfriend. It is definitely like having your cake and eating it too. It is all under my clothes of course, but since they are so thin and noiseless I have alot more confidence. Plus it is a double whammy when we make out wih clothes on. I have told her in email that I wear almost every other night and that she has to realize it will never go away. Right now she considers it as my "thing" and that is about it. We don't talk about what I do but she knows it. My problem is not going to be getting me comfortable around them, it is going to be getting her comfortable.

SuperDiaperBaby

[PaulCain]

I am in the same boat as dlconfusion.

To further muddy the waters, my big problem is that I am scared to wear diapers for fear of not appearing a 'man' to her. We have had nappy play and she has even babied me quite happily, although we don't have the time for that these days because of being parents ourselves. Our sex life is very good either side of the diapers, but I struggle to overcome this fear of eventually becoming less attractive to her, because of the diapers.

Other men don't need / want diapers, so does that make them more attractive? She says not and that she loves everything about me including my sexuality and my DL / baby side. How do you get past that yourself though?

[EQIIFreak]

It sounds like she truly does love you. She is attracted to you. Attracted to you phsysically, but also attracted to you mentally. Even your quirks.

[Mr. Sea Otter]

Enfant has a great idea. I would try that.

I also felt weird wearing diapers around my girlfriend when I first told her. It lasted about a week or two, and then it became normal. Nowadays, its a total non-issue.

Just do it more, talk about it, and learn to accept yourself for who you are. Its hard to change years of feeling like you need to hide it, and that you are a freak and the whole bucket of baggage that comes along with being an AB/DL, but you CAN DO IT. ITs not even that hard honestly. The hard part is getting the guts to try it. Once you make up your mind (like Enfant and his girl did) it gets easy really quickly.

-Mr. Otter

[Creavero]

Try a pacifier while you are being diapered so the temptation to make excuses or give instructions wont be as great, a plushie to cuddle is also good. For the first while, you may want to keep a pacifier in your face while in diapers, you dont have to explain it, just answer her questions honestly and only answer the questions she asks.

This is a GREAT suggestion, PPBear (blindfold, too). Sometimes we feel pressed to talk when we should really be looking for ways to "go with it"!

CV

[bobbyc]

Hey guys,

This has also been a big issue for me. I've had at least two girls in my life who accepted my diapers but I still found it very hard to not feel inadequate, as a man. I love to wear diapers, I love the convenience of them, and I feel so happy when I'm wearing them, especially when someone very close to me knows my secret and I don't have to hide it from them. My problem would always come right after sex. As soon as we finished I felt so ashamed and guilty and I would almost never be able to put a diaper back on...at least not for a couple of hours. I'm sure she didn't feel any differently than she did before, but it was always such a shift in attitude towards diapers for me. If I wouldn't connect diapers and sex, perhaps I could overcome this. I suppose if I were incontinent and diapers were just my normal underwear things would be different. Any thoughts?

Anyway, thanks for this thread. It's comforting to know that you guys are going through this as well.

[Dill_Pickle]

Hey guys,

This has also been a big issue for me. I've had at least two girls in my life who accepted my diapers but I still found it very hard to not feel inadequate, as a man. I love to wear diapers, I love the convenience of them, and I feel so happy when I'm wearing them, especially when someone very close to me knows my secret and I don't have to hide it from them. My problem would always come right after sex. As soon as we finished I felt so ashamed and guilty and I would almost never be able to put a diaper back on...at least not for a couple of hours. I'm sure she didn't feel any differently than she did before, but it was always such a shift in attitude towards diapers for me. If I wouldn't connect diapers and sex, perhaps I could overcome this. I suppose if I were incontinent and diapers were just my normal underwear things would be different. Any thoughts?

Anyway, thanks for this thread. It's comforting to know that you guys are going through this as well.

An incontinent person would feel *more* inadequate, and possibly *have* to be diapered back up right after sex, whether they felt like it or not. Not to mention, the injuries and diseases that cause incontience have a tendency to leave the sexual functioning of that piece of equipment "out of order". But there's nothing wrong with making diapers your normal underwear for awhile and giving it a whirl.

Not needing more sex when you are just finished with it seems like the same thing as not needing more food right after dinner. So?

I'd say you are having a problem accepting yourself. You don't need to feel ashamed, or guilty about diapers after sex -- that's just who you are. To help yourself relax, why don't you have your partner be the one that puts the diapers on afterward? Or just get together with her, with lots of touching, planning to enjoy yourselves but not "requiring" it to end in intercourse? You can then experiment with doing it and ignoring diapers, then gradually forgetting to have them.

[paradox]

consider yourself lucky when i told my gf she just couldnt understand it and wanted nothing to do with it. Hell i envy you