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Two bored casino dealers are waiting at the craps table. A very

attractive blonde woman from Alabama arrived and bet

twenty-thousand dollars ($20,000) on a single roll of the dice.

She said, "I hope you don't mind, but I feel much luckier when I

play topless."

With that, she stripped to the waist; rolled the dice; and

yelled, Come on, baby.... Alabama Girl needs new clothes!"

As the dice came to a stop, she jumped up-and-down... And

squealed.. "YES! YES! I WON! I WON!"

She hugged each of the dealers... And then picked up her

w innings and her clothes, and quickly departed.

The dealers stared at each other dumbfounded. Finally, one of

them asked, "What did she roll?"

The other answered, "I don't know... I thought you were watching."

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  • 1 month later...

The River

Three men were hiking through a forest when they came upon a large raging violent river.

Needing to get on the other side, the first man prayed, "God, please give me the strength to cross the river."

Poof! God gave him big arms and strong legs and he was able to swim across in about 2 hours, having almost drowned twice.

After witnessing that, the second man prayed, "God, please give me strength and the tools to cross the river."

Poof! God gave him a rowboat and strong arms and strong legs and he was able to row across in about an hour after almost capsizing once.

Seeing what happened to the first two men, the third man prayed, "God, please give me the strength, the tools and the intelligence to cross the river."

Poof! He was turned into a woman. She checked the map, hiked one hundred yards up stream and walked across the bridge.

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  • 4 months later...

Pantyhose quiz

ph.jpg

Q: How many animals can you fit into a pair of pantyhose?

Now, think about it......

Ready? ARE YOU SURE???

Answer:

10 little piggies

pig.jpg

2 calves,

cow.jpg

1 ass,

Jass.jpg

and an unknown number of hares

hare.jpg

You forgot the beaver and the fish nobody can ever find.

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On my first day as an apprentice the guy training me was tutting and huffing over our weighing scale. He said to me "The long weights broken again. Go over to our other branch and speak to Terry, ask him if you can have his long weight, I'll call and tell him your coming."

So, wanting to show how keen I was I walked all the way to our other branch and asked Terry for a long weight. All in all I was standing there about 40 minutes. He would pop his head out about every ten minutes and say "it's coming, don't worry. You will get it in a minute."

Eventually, after 40 minutes he came out and said "There you go, that's the long wait you asked me for. You can go back now."

It was a joke they played on all the new school leavers. I've heard a few people since say "Oh, someone did that to me too." Wish I'd known that at the time!

Beth

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  • 3 years later...

Two hillbillies are having lunch when a woman seated nearby begins to choke. Hillbilly asks her,"kin ya swallar?" The woman shakes her head no.

Hillbilly asks her "kin ya breathe?" Woman shakes her head no.

Hillbilly walks over,lifts up her dress, yanks down britches and licks her butt cheek. The woman has a violent spasm and spits out food.

The hillbillies' buddy says "ya know,I heerd of that there hind lick maneuver but I

aint niver seed nobody do it".....

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