How Many Have Told Your Therapist About Being Ab/dl?

[babykimmy25]

I was just wondering how many of you have told your therapist about your ab/dl needs and was it hard ? And did it have a ok response?

The reason I'm asking this is i'm going to see my therapist today....

I'm very very scared about telling him and wonder if i should ?

My Husbands says, I should not...

Then i wonder because it is a big part of who i am if i should...This will be the first person i tell face to face besides my husband very very nervouse....If so can anyone give me tips on how to say it? with out my therapist feeling uncomfterbal...scared of that...Thank you

Babykimmy

[Jedward]

Hi Kimmy, I told my old psychiatrist about it he didn't say much. My new psychitrist as asked me about it and his only major question was does it prevent you from functioning in the real world. I told him no, he know about my incontince issues, and then said that it really wasn't and issue then. He said they only consider fetish to be problem when the prevent someone from functioning outside the fetish. Basicly is that is the all consuming part of you life and you're neglecting the rest of it and it is preventing you from being a happy healthy individual then it's a problem. So if being a baby is the all important part of you life and that's where all you energy goes then it's a problem. But if you live a happy life with fairly normal intrests out side of the AB/DL realm then I don't think it should be a problem. I explain it as my way of coping with the unususal situation and anoy problem of incontinence.

[babykimmy25]

Hi Kimmy, I told my old psychiatrist about it he didn't say much. My new psychitrist as asked me about it and his only major question was does it prevent you from functioning in the real world. I told him no, he know about my incontince issues, and then said that it really wasn't and issue then. He said they only consider fetish to be problem when the prevent someone from functioning outside the fetish. Basicly is that is the all consuming part of you life and you're neglecting the rest of it and it is preventing you from being a happy healthy individual then it's a problem. So if being a baby is the all important part of you life and that's where all you energy goes then it's a problem. But if you live a happy life with fairly normal intrests out side of the AB/DL realm then I don't think it should be a problem. I explain it as my way of coping with the unususal situation and anoy problem of incontinence.

Thank you for the reply...I'm going to see him do to depression, and I do live a normal life...

I go to school have a husband and a loving daughter..

I have been incontinent for 4yrs have been a Ab since i was little, My husband thinks that i should just talk about my depression and incont and should not bring up my ab side.

It is a small part of who i am cause i have friends out side of this and have other hobbies just worried if i should tell him...I had a bad childhood and suffered abuse and don't know if thats why i'm Ab. but was not shure and was worried about making the therapist uncomfterbal?

[babypants300]

I was just wondering how many of you have told your therapist about your ab/dl needs and was it hard ? And did it have a ok response? The reason I'm asking this is i'm going to see my therapist today and i'm very very scared about telling him and wonder if i should my Husbands says i should not then i wonder because it is a big part of who i am if i should...This will be the first person i tell face to face besides my husband very very nervouse....If so can anyone give me tips on how to say it? with out my therapist feeling uncomfterbal...scared of that...Thank you

Babykimmy

My foster parents made me see a therapist paid by socal services when I was 13 as they often found my nappies under my bed. I went about four time in all and had some good conversations with the women about life untill she asked me why I feel the need to wear incontinent pads and that just made me freeze up with embarrassment. I just kept saying ''I don't know'' to all her questions untill the session ended and never went back. She later told everbody I had emotional problems.

If I was you 'babykimmy25' I would kind some common ground with the therapist and wait untill you both feel comfortable with each other before you talk about your AB/DL lifestyle.

[DiaperLover4Life]

My mom found my diapers and then told my theripist she is cool with it she didnt make a big deal out of it she seemed very interested

[Pipsqueak]

Kimmy, it really depends (no pun intended) on whether you feel it's an issue that relates to your depression. I was in therapy for many years for depression, and had a shrink who was an absolutely wonderful lady that I could have told about my ab side if I had wanted to. But the AB bit really did not relate to the depression. I didn't indulge that side of myself any more when I was depressed than when I wasn't. I did it more when I was stressed, but it was a coping mechanism to relax myself. I wasn't depressed because I was an ab. If you really want or need to talk about it with someone than you should, but if you're fine with your ab side and don't consider it an issue you need to deal with, then I don't see what the point would be.

Either way, I wouldn't bring it up until you've been to this therapist for long enough to gauge whether they are good at what they do. Don't be afraid to try different therapists if you don't feel comfortable with the one you've got. And they have heard it all! Being an ab is not going to knock them off their chair.

One more point ... what is discussed between you and your therapist shouldn't be open to debate with your husband. You need to talk about what you need to talk about, without someone else saying you should or shouldn't.

[Necros]

I have the answer to your question

First remember this: Psychologist (or therapist) are bound to never reveal your secrets! I stress on this NEVER ... its the law ... if they do they can loose their job and even go to jail!

Second: Ab/Dl, better known has infantilism in psychology has long been seen has a disease and/or disorder BUT not anymore they ruled that out many years ago and it's now considered to be a different lifestyle i.e gay, lesbian, bisexual .... in other words they acknoledge that it cannot be erased from a persons mind ... its imposible, trust me they tried everyway! <_ some method were very gross so dont worry your therapist isn suposed to freak out and give you meds lol the only thing that may hapen is what hapened me when i told my .... she had no idea it meant xd sooo funny explain her was but didn actually interested know more about src="<img%20src='http://www.dailydiapers.com/board/uploads/emoticons/default_biggrin.png'%20alt=''%20class='ipsImage'%20%20>" alt=":D"> i still say today i should have been the one being payed!

So final verdict: Do it! Tell her/him trust me its gonna be fun

[nappy_pins]

hi kimmy......dont know if you have been yet...but I will add my bit for what it may be worth.

Firstly the background...I have suffered depression since I was 12...didnt know that at the time..thought every body was the same...any how when things got bad....my way of coping was to hide in myself...wanting to be small ...a child...they dont have problems they are cuddled and loved and wear nappies...well thats how it started.

After a bad depression my doctor sent me to the shrink....wow what a day...took 2 hours before i could confess i was lucky it was a lady thank god then I when into therapy and i still am 9 years later and she too is female...girls are easier to talk to ....also they wrote to my doctor he is male ...it was so embarrassing...the only thing that has kepted me going is my wife...without her I would have committed suicide years ago......as long as your partner is withyou ......you will cope....the irony for me is that my fantasy has turned over the years...because of the antidepressants...i now suffer from BPH which means i wear nappies at night ....not what I had planned.

But dont worry.....doctors have seen it before...my wanting to act or be small is common place it seems...and nurses and doctors have seen nappies and willies and everything every day...hope this helps good luck

[Danni]

Hi kimmy,

First off, I'm sorry to hear your depressed, but you are taking a step in the right direction to seek treatment .

With the help of a good therapist your depression can certainly be cured.

Asking for advice from other people will probably mess your head up even more.

If you want to seek effective treatment you must be totally honest with yourself.

Follow your heart and what you believe to be the right thing to do, and not what your hubby or

anyone else thinks is best for you.

** Hugs **

[dlfnord]

Kimmy -

I too have been treated for depression. I know how it feels, I know what it's like, I'm right there with you. It SUCKS.

You just need to get a feel for the therapist first. The point of therapy is for you to help yourself, and the only way that can be accomplished is if you feel like you can be completely open with your therapist. I went to a couple of sessions with my old therapist before I told him. I told him as part of a discussion about my sex life in general, and it didn't take him long to tell me this was fine as long as it didn't supplant the rest of my sex life as it easily can for fetishists. He then offered "stop punishing yourself."

My point is this - the question shouldn't be "should I tell this Doctor I like wearing diapers" - it should be "do I feel comfortable enough to open up to this person". If you feel comfortable with your therapist, open up and let it all spill out -you'll feel much better. If you don't feel comfortable - find another therapist with whom you do feel comfortable.

[Necare]

Greetings babykimmy! I can fully relate to you having doubts about speaking to your therapist about your AB-side. My doubts though were not concerned around whether to tell a therapist at all, but I had grave doubts telling a male therapist about it. Much easier telling a female about this sort of thing in my opinion, but thats me... So I am currently seeing a female therapist about this issue, because I have a daily struggle coping with this fetish. I have told her about my desire to suckle on a paci, wearing nappies, and what can I say?

She is the most wonderful and understanding individual, and she is eager and interested to learn more about this fetish, exactly what I am feeling when I lay there benappied, and to our next session she said I could bring my pacifier with me. My point is, you should not be afraid of telling your therapist about your AB-side if you feel that is relevant to your depression. And of course, as dlfnord said, important that you are comfortable around your therapist as well, before telling. Remember, your therapist is there to help you, she/he has probably come across the most "weird" of fetishes, and if your therapist has not heard about infantilism, go ahead, enlighten her/him! If, as I said, you feel your AB-side is relevant to your depression, then it is wise I think,to tell your therapist about this, much easier to try to solve the problem if you don`t hide the core of it.

But as others here have pointed out; if you are perfectly fine with your AB-side, and it doesn`t cause restrictions in your life, then there is really no point telling about it, unless you want to anyway And about your husband; really none of his business whether you should tell your therapist about this or not, after all it is you who feel the need to maybe talk to your therapist about it, it is your decision. Since you wrote the initial post yesterday, and you said you were going to see your therapist then, I realise this is late advice, but anyway: Hope you had a fulfilling session, and I wish you the best of luck with sessions in the future! Cheers!!

[Chibiusa255]

Coincidentaly I had to go to my theripist today, too . As I'm going for something totaly unrelated I have yet too tell her about my AB side. I don't think if anything like that ever came up I would have any problem telling her, though. It just a small part of my life and something I'm really comfortable with so I don't see it as as any kind of a problem.

I think you really need to tell them if it does pertain to any problems you're having or it's something that's hurting you're life in any way. If not then telling them entirely up to you. Either way your theripist isn't going to react badly to this, i don't think, and if he does you should serously find somebody else.

[babykimmy25]

Sorry took me awhile to respond back was out doing shopping to get my mind cleared...

Ok it went okay He is very old...and old fashion..

He gave me some paper work to fell out and there was a space to list what you want to talk about...I did put my ab side down on the list...

It was not brought up today but some of my other issues were and I happy he did not bring it up cause i don't feel very open to him...

When he read about my incont...He poked fun at it and told me( i guess you can't fill up to much or OHHH oooo...

I was not to happy about it then he went on that I was way to young to have such a problem...I guess he has not done his home work on my incont...I found out there are a bunch of moms like me and one of my close friends has something close to what i have. anyways He said i do suffer from depression and that i should still have therapy with meds..I see him next week I hope it goes better..Btw he needs a organizer..His office was a mess hard to talk while your moving stuff around but quite cosy

babykimmy

[Pipsqueak]

I have never seen a therapist who had you fill out a form of what you wanted to talk about. Situations in your life can change from week to week and you shouldn't have to be regimented to stay on the initial topics you first listed, especially since I'm sure a lot of people would be hesitant to put down certain topics that make them uncomfortable or embarrassed.

Please keep in mind that, if after a few sessions, you still don't feel able to talk openly with him, you can always switch to someone else. I did that twice before I landed a good one. You have to think of yourself as a consumer, in that respect. It's important enough in your life to get the best treatment you can.

I hope it goes well for you.

[Gennie]

Pipsqueak,

Forms like that are often called 'Treatment Plans' and are used to set goals and define progress made. However, I've never seen on filled out on the first visit. It may give the doctor something to go on, though.

I'm fortunate to know Kimmy a little better, as I spend lots of time online chatting with her, and I know what some of her history is, and what some of her problems are. Quite honestly, I'm glad she has the ability to go see the therapist. While her husband does not think her AB side is involved in her depression, from my point of view, I think it's a critical component of her depression. Why that is, I can't talk about, but from where I sit, that's how I see it.

I had three therapists, and a couple of shrinks. My first therapist tried the 'cure' routine, to get me to stop, and of course, she couldn't. Out of frustration (imagine a donkey here) I left because she wanted me to go somewhere I was unable to go. My second therapist took my AB side in stride, and we worked on other aspects of my issues. He was aware of it, and we talked about it regularly, but it wasn't the main crux of our conversations.

My third and final therapist and I spent a great deal of time with it, and she saw more of my AB side than anyone else ever did. However, I was most comfortable with her, and even though we're 3,000 miles apart now, we still communicate once in a while. I consider her a friend.

What Kimmy told me about this psychiatrist (not a therapist) leads me to believe that she may need to seek out another therapist, but she is going to give this person another shot at it. This is fine, but from what she told me, he is not respectful of certain aspects. I find his comments about her incontinence to be awkward and uncaring. How do you build a rapport with someone if you're going to upset them. From what she told me, he didn't set a very good foundation for that.

Medical professionals, as a whole, are mostly uneducated in things like infantilism, and many still believe that it is some sort of perversion, or having to do with pedeophilia. There isn't enough information for these individuals to know what we are about, and I'm afraid that this psych is going to try to 'cure' Kimmy, which as most of us know, is impossible.

So, I hope either he is more considerate of her, or she finds someone else who can be.

Gary

[DIAPERPHANTOM]

Just wanted to say "HI" and wish you the best. (((HUGS)))

[Dill_Pickle]

He gave me some paper work to fell out and there was a space to list what you want to talk about...I did put my ab side down on the list... [fairly standard...but it's just a guideline, and you may not want to write anything AB/DL down because many eyes may see that piece of paper, including your insurance co, which can then share it...]

It was not brought up today but some of my other issues were and I happy he did not bring it up cause i don't feel very open to him... [if you don't feel open soon, time to find new therapist...if he doesn't feel safe, you won't be able to resolve any issues..]

When he read about my incont...He poked fun at it and told me( i guess you can't fill up to much or OHHH oooo...

I was not to happy about it then he went on that I was way to young to have such a problem[statistically, that's true, but no help to you--I dumped a chiropractor after only one visit when he hit my back on the first visit and made me upset for two days]...I guess he has not done his home work on my incont...I found out there are a bunch of moms like me and one of my close friends has something close to what i have. anyways He said i do suffer from depression and that i should still have therapy with meds..[not news!] I see him next week I hope it goes better..Btw he needs a organizer..His office was a mess hard to talk while your moving stuff around but quite cosy

babykimmy

I also told my shrinks, all three or four of them over the last decade or so...they proceeded to ignore my DL side, though the current one is curious...but not allowed to ask for professional reasons...I told because I decided, when I was in serious trouble with the depression (crying fits), that I should tell that about myself so I would get the proper help. I got a little lecture on safety, and have been reminded a few times about discretion on purchasing, but it has never been a focus. Though I'll admit, diapers helped me get through the worst part, just before I dumped my ex from hell (Imagine someone like Cynda). They still help me through rough spots.

(got a chance to finish the post, so it is marked as edited)

In your case, I think you should mention your diapers and other forms of padding and protection as a practical consequence of your physical condition. Hopefully, by now, you don't think twice about going out well padded, since nobody will say anything anyway. And if he says anything negative about your enjoyment of any kind of padding or babyishness, as opposed to it's interference with your adult life, that's a certain sign you need to dump him. Good shrinks know that that enjoyment is wired in, and either impossible or next to impossible to change.

One other warning: I'm male, but when I asked my shrink about sexual side effects, he said something like fully HALF of his patients reported problems with their sexual performance on antidepressants -- for me, I may not be able to achieve a climax unless I skip a pill. Distributing the dose throughout the day also helps sometimes. My GF is also having issues with not feeling all that horny on Wellbutrin, probably with positive consequences on DailyD.

Good luck

Dill Pickle in Dillwyn

Edited May 28, 2006 by Dill_Pickle

[baby-dandan]

Hi Guys! (and Gals!)

I have seen many therapists, mainly because of my parents wishes! I really don't want to quit, but they keep pushing it! The therapists finally give up and say they don't feel that I want to quit, and it's pointless to keep wasting money on appointmeants. I really love this! My parents say that it's immoral and not normal, but no one can really say what normal is. They are concerned about what people may think of me. I say to hell with what people think of me, they are going to think what they want of me anyway so I'll just let them. In my mind this is as normal as anything else people do, so to each their own!

[RMS401]

I have seen only one therapist for my diaper fetish, and it did not go well. I had just told my wife that I had been unable to quit diapers like I promised I would. I had failed, and she was not happy. This weighed heavily on her day after day, and my home life was not a happy one. Desperate to do something--anything--to help matters along, I got in touch with a service offered at work. Having to tell a total stranger over the phone why I wanted to see a therapist was very humiliating, but I did it for the sake of my marriage.

I went into see the psychologist and it was immediately clear that he'd never heard of anything like this and had no idea what to do. To compensate for his ignorance, he babbled on incessantly about paraphelia (sp?) in general, seemed to assume that I might be a pedophile, and assumed that the solution was to get me quit. I was, to say the least, irritated.

I got three free sessions through the program at work, so I decided to finish at least those. I brought my wife to the second session, during which the doctor prattled on about all the same stuff he told me in the earlier session. Very little dialog here. Aren't psychologists supposed to ask questions and listen?

Regardless, my wife was so enthralled by the idea of a husband who didn't have a diaper fetish that she wanted me to continue, seeming to think that one day soon I would be magically "cured" and never desire them again.

Finally, after that third free session, and another warning to stay away from trying to solicit sex with minors online (!!!!!!) I told my wife that this would be very hard and would probably only address the behaviors and the desire would never truly leave me. You can't change the way you're hardwired and therapy could never eliminate my desire for diapers anymore than you can turn a gay person straight. After a lot of conversation, she finally agreed to let me be me.

My wife still wants nothing to do with my diapers and has still never seen one, but she seems to have reached a level of acceptance now about who I am. She loves me for me, flaws and all.

-RMS

[Gennie]

I didn't add it in this reply, but this is something for RMS, Dandan and others who are having problems explaining this to parents or spouses, or Significant Others. When Kimmy went to see her p-shrink, I suggested that she print out and take a copy of Kathi Stringers article on True Infantilism. You can read it here. This is one of the best explainations I've ever seen of this, and may, to an open mind, show that our diapers aren't necessarily a fetish, a paraphilia, and definately not pedophilia. Now, that is not to say that some people who wear diapers are 'True Infantilists', and for them, it *is* a fetish, a paraphilia, and some of them *are* pedophiles (and need to be shot).

But, basically let's define the three:

Fetish: Something, such as a material object or a nonsexual part of the body, that arouses sexual desire and may become necessary for sexual gratification.

If you need your diaper to be part of your sexual play and intercourse, either for self fulfillment, or with your partner, and can't acheive fulfillment without it, it may be considered a 'fetish.' Other fetishes would be shoes, lingerie (on you, not your partner...if you're a male) and so on.

Paraphilia: Paraphilias are a variety of complex psychiatric disorders which are manifest as deviant sexual behaviour. For example, in men the most common forms are pedophilia (sexual behaviour toward children) and exhibitionism (exposing one's body in public setting). Men with paraphilia are usually treated with psychotherapy, antidepression medications, and medications that alter hormones, particularly testosterone (male sex hormone).

In a general sense, diapers as a fetish could be considered a paraphilia. Pedophiles also fall into the category of paraphilia. By some definitions, so does B&D and S&M. So, if your partner doesn't like diapers, but occassionally enjoys a spanking, they too could be considered a paraphiliac.

For a 'True Infantilism', if this is indeed a neuro-developmental disorder, neither fetish or paraphilia apply, as we learned this, or 'latched on to it' at a very early age. From my own personal experience, I know that I wanted to be a baby again from the time I was four or five, and sought out ways to secretively acheive that goal (although of course I never did). I can't believe that a four or five year old has either a paraphilia or a fetish! However, they could easily be attached to a transitional object that binds them to a safer, more secure time in their lives.

A 'True Infantilist' is unable to cut the ties to that earlier time, and anyone who attempts to do such will only face frustration, stress, depression, and other mental issues. I believe that is why so many of us purge and swear off diapers as 'abnormal', 'sick and perverted,' and 'mentally ill.' And all that go through this usually come back, and once they return to being diapered, their mental wellbeing responds and rebounds. It frustrates us, because we often do not want to be this way, but at the same time, savor the feeling of being this way. It is a diachotomy that is hard for us, because we are caught between two very strong forces, and often we feel like we're being pulled apart inside. Maybe in fact we are.

Our therapists and p-shrinks best line of dealing with this is to identify which of the three categories we fall into, and then treat accordingly. Personally, I do not believe that any of these are 'treatable', unless you're talking a serious paraphilia, which may be controlled by strong medication. However, I do not recommend this for simple diapers. In the case of True Infantilism, there is no treatment available, and the care provider needs to steer in a direction towards balance. When we become balanced, between our adult responsibilities, our responsibilities towards our partners and our children, and our own needs and desires, and keep all three in equilibrium, then we will be happy.

Dill, I do have a question for you, though. In referring to your current therapist, and his/her interest, you said

though the current one is curious...but not allowed to ask for professional reasons...

I don't understand that statement. If understanding is a part of helping you to balance the sides of your life, what would stop them from asking? To me, your statement says that this therapist is not allowed, by his or her profession, to learn something new. Could you expand on that? I would love to understand your statement.

Gary

[Dill_Pickle]

(snip)

Dill, I do have a question for you, though. In referring to your current therapist, and his/her interest, you said

I don't understand that statement. If understanding is a part of helping you to balance the sides of your life, what would stop them from asking? To me, your statement says that this therapist is not allowed, by his or her profession, to learn something new. Could you expand on that? I would love to understand your statement.

Gary

Gary:

I'm still having inappropriate stress reactions to certain situations, though not nearly as often as just after I left my ex. The diapering stuff HELPS with that, helps with functioning...and I make sure it doesn't interfere. It's getting to be too hot in my life again to wear diapers, not to mention I have water trips planned where diapers would be a total pain in the neck...and the diapers will be left behind for those.

And I'm starting to react appropriately (but stressed out as hell) to the abusive and dysfunctional parts of the work situation. That is where the therapy goes; my diapering at this point is a reasonable stress barometer. The APA DSM IV, I think it is, says that if a paraphilia is not intefering with general functioning, there is no reason to treat it...and it is the functioning that is the issue, not the paraphilia. Thus if my therapist is curious about the diapering, she can't really ask unless it's a problem ,which it isn't, not normally. And it's behavior around it that is the concern, anyway, the part that gets you in trouble. If you want to be a transvestite, and buy all your lady clothes over the net, and meet with some great friends at a gay bar, then no problem. But if your neighbors are throwing rocks at you, then you have a problem.

My own understanding of a paraphilia is a sexual liking for something not normally considered sexual. The DSM IV model looks not at whether the liking is strange, but whether it harms someone -- the person with the liking, or others around that person.

Similarly, I've had a little too much contact with crazy people...it turns out that the law, as currently written, requires a danger to yourself or to others before you can be forced into treatment.

I'll largely agree with your theory, but I'll add my own (not new) two bits: First, fetal monkeys treated with appropriate hormones before birth can be reliably made gay. So sex is hard wired *very* early on... Second, as I mentioned, I have some PTSD symptoms from my ex from hell...a decade ago. A deep, reflexive pathway was implanted in certain stressful situations, which brings out the stress response when the situation repeats itself. A good example is that I saw my ex from hell naked alot, and she woke me up when I needed sleep alot. The first time my new GF came into the room after her shower naked, and I was asleep, I hit the ceiling...I was extremely upset, even though the situation called for no such reaction and I knew it, and I took quite awhile to calm down. Now, let us apply this logic to at least my own predilection for diapers....I bet I remember all the nice physical attention I got when I wore diapers, and the drastic falloff when I was toilet trained (not to mention the negative feedback for wet or messy pants), and I associate diapers with lots of positive physical attention. And I bet I remember this subconsciously in much the same way as I remember stuff from my ex from hell subconsciously.

Anyway, off to read the article, too.

[Necare]

When he read about my incont...He poked fun at it and told me( i guess you can't fill up to much or OHHH oooo...

Well, what can I say babykimmy? He is a therapist, and he is poking fun at your incontinence!!!? In plain english: He is a f***ing idiot in my opinion! Nice way, I must say, to establish trust with his client. He should not be allowed near at all the complexity of the human psyche. Not meaning to discourage you, but if I were you I wouldn`t divulge any sensitive, personal information to this moron whatsoever, the old "pearls before swine" comes to mind. Sorry about the rant, a tiny bit provoked here, but anyway.... the best of luck to you! Hope you get your problems straightened out. Cheers!

[missyD]

I didn't add it in this reply, but this is something for RMS, Dandan and others who are having problems explaining this to parents or spouses, or Significant Others. When Kimmy went to see her p-shrink, I suggested that she print out and take a copy of Kathi Stringers article on True Infantilism. You can read it here. This is one of the best explainations I've ever seen of this, and may, to an open mind, show that our diapers aren't necessarily a fetish, a paraphilia, and definately not pedophilia. Now, that is not to say that some people who wear diapers are 'True Infantilists', and for them, it *is* a fetish, a paraphilia, and some of them *are* pedophiles (and need to be shot).

But, basically let's define the three:

Fetish: Something, such as a material object or a nonsexual part of the body, that arouses sexual desire and may become necessary for sexual gratification.

If you need your diaper to be part of your sexual play and intercourse, either for self fulfillment, or with your partner, and can't acheive fulfillment without it, it may be considered a 'fetish.' Other fetishes would be shoes, lingerie (on you, not your partner...if you're a male) and so on.

Paraphilia: Paraphilias are a variety of complex psychiatric disorders which are manifest as deviant sexual behaviour. For example, in men the most common forms are pedophilia (sexual behaviour toward children) and exhibitionism (exposing one's body in public setting). Men with paraphilia are usually treated with psychotherapy, antidepression medications, and medications that alter hormones, particularly testosterone (male sex hormone).

In a general sense, diapers as a fetish could be considered a paraphilia. Pedophiles also fall into the category of paraphilia. By some definitions, so does B&D and S&M. So, if your partner doesn't like diapers, but occassionally enjoys a spanking, they too could be considered a paraphiliac.

For a 'True Infantilism', if this is indeed a neuro-developmental disorder, neither fetish or paraphilia apply, as we learned this, or 'latched on to it' at a very early age. From my own personal experience, I know that I wanted to be a baby again from the time I was four or five, and sought out ways to secretively acheive that goal (although of course I never did). I can't believe that a four or five year old has either a paraphilia or a fetish! However, they could easily be attached to a transitional object that binds them to a safer, more secure time in their lives.

A 'True Infantilist' is unable to cut the ties to that earlier time, and anyone who attempts to do such will only face frustration, stress, depression, and other mental issues. I believe that is why so many of us purge and swear off diapers as 'abnormal', 'sick and perverted,' and 'mentally ill.' And all that go through this usually come back, and once they return to being diapered, their mental wellbeing responds and rebounds. It frustrates us, because we often do not want to be this way, but at the same time, savor the feeling of being this way. It is a diachotomy that is hard for us, because we are caught between two very strong forces, and often we feel like we're being pulled apart inside. Maybe in fact we are.

Our therapists and p-shrinks best line of dealing with this is to identify which of the three categories we fall into, and then treat accordingly. Personally, I do not believe that any of these are 'treatable', unless you're talking a serious paraphilia, which may be controlled by strong medication. However, I do not recommend this for simple diapers. In the case of True Infantilism, there is no treatment available, and the care provider needs to steer in a direction towards balance. When we become balanced, between our adult responsibilities, our responsibilities towards our partners and our children, and our own needs and desires, and keep all three in equilibrium, then we will be happy.

Dill, I do have a question for you, though. In referring to your current therapist, and his/her interest, you said

I don't understand that statement. If understanding is a part of helping you to balance the sides of your life, what would stop them from asking? To me, your statement says that this therapist is not allowed, by his or her profession, to learn something new. Could you expand on that? I would love to understand your statement.

Gary

Well said Gary. I am meeting with my therapist tomorrow as a matter of fact discuss in detail something nasty that happened to me. When I first went to see her, I told her about my AB stuff right away, as I view it as part of my psyche. It really has nothing to do with why I am seeing her, but it has helped her communicate with me better. Actually, once I had told her, she thanked me, because she said all of a sudden she could better understand another of her clients.

My appointment with her tomorrow is for two hours, and we plan to really talk aobut some serious stuff. I told her "well, I had better bring my teddy bear", and her response was " I think you should bring your blanket and pacifier too". She understands how much comfort they bring me when I am dealing with issues from my past.

Kimmy, I don't worry too much about my AB side. It is part of who I am, and I am not ashamed of who I am. It is something that gives me comfort. My partner knows about it, my best friends knows about it, and my sister-in-law knows too. It is not always a big part of my life, but I know it will never go away. Anyway, there is my comment for what it is worth; I hope it helps.

[Gennie]

My appointment with her tomorrow is for two hours, and we plan to really talk aobut some serious stuff. I told her "well, I had better bring my teddy bear", and her response was " I think you should bring your blanket and pacifier too". She understands how much comfort they bring me when I am dealing with issues from my past.

Missy, nice of your therapist to understand that you need blankie and paci, or at least could. Maybe you ought to take your baba, too! Since so many therapists don't understand what this is about, sitting down with them and explaining it to them helps not only you, but, as you said, may help others as well.

However, there does need to be a line drawn, as there is a very serious possibility of your therapist allowing you to move beyond the 'controlled' stage, where your AB side is in its place, to a state where the AB side is more prevelant, and more open. Whether or not that would happen is a case by case deal, but it is possible to use transference to your therapist for more than they can handle, and leaving you with permissions you shouldn't have. Hence, another good reason to share with your therapist (not necessarily *you*, Missy, but anyone)

Gary