Poking A Sleeping Dragon

[turtlepins]

Picture someone poking a sleeping dragon.

[Repaid1]

Hang in thereTurtlepins Buddy. I have those feelings everyday. Not knowing what the next day holds. Yours is a troubling past to be sure, but like others, find that one light deep inside you and continue on. Try not to dwell on the Demons/Dragons of the past, but yet hold onto the good you now have. If you never find the answers, at least you can move forward from that darkness and be who you are now. Enjoy your life, don't let the past be a shadow on your soul. Fight the good fight my friend.

[drynot]

Buck up there champ!!

[square_duck]

Hey there TP! I like your analogy of the dragon, it works well

we all seem to have our demons or 'dragons that we all deal with at times. Some are small and fairly harmless, though you might still get burned....but not incinerated....others are more heavy duty and serious, and require more work.

I too have had to deal with my 'dragons' and I know it really isn't fun My realization of the truly horrid environment we lived in as kids, and being subjected to the psychological, emotional and spiritual abuse and manipulation at the hands of a psychopath has been truly disappointing. having been out and away from it, and seeing how 'normal' and average people behave and realizing that I was exposed to such a toxic environment has given me pause and made me look more at how this has affected me and whats more..... what I can do about it to make my life a better one, and mitigate the side effects of the exposure...something I had been exposed to since birth.

Thats why I see a therapist once a month, to root out the garbage so that I can be a better and happier person....I SPITE OF the destructive behaviors patterns which I was exposed to.

When not around such behavior, I am fine, but I have a really bad reaction (intense anger) when exposed to implied manipulation etc....which isn't fun, and which reared it's ugly head last Sunday at work when I was late because of a schedule change which I missed seeing why I still have a job is beyond me....

One thing I have learned over time, and I am not sure if this helps at all, is this. It doesn't matter what happens to you in life, but what you 'do' about it. Action is key, but sometimes finding the strength or courage to take action is the hardest thing of all...

Also, I have learned that most of the things we fear are manufactured in our minds, and the 'reality' (if there is one" is that the 'fear' is of the unknown, but if you know that what you fear is really made of smoke and has little substance, and you are bigger than it is, the fear subsides and you feel better and stronger Over coming the fear by knowing that you fears are based on old history and things in the past, and that more then likely "TODAY" those same events would have little to no effect on you helps as well.

Much of what we fear we allow to run our lives because we thing we don't have an alternate choice, but we always do. There is ALWAYS a choice, and choosing to not let fear run your life and dictate what you do (or don't do) is a very liberating thing. I have had such things happen and made choices (some were VERY hard) but I did it, faced the dragon and survived...making me a better, stronger person that I am today.

Granted I'm far from perfect or the epitome of psychological health, but still if I can help somewhere, let me know and I'll do my best to lend a hand to get you through the swamp.

You're NOT alone in this....everyday someone somewhere has a Dragon to deal with, and it's name isn't Pete

But the more you face it, understand it, and find ways to combat it and over come it, the better your tomorrows will be. It's there, you just have to reach for the brass ring and hold tight, because what happened happened....it's in the past....you deserve a happier tomorrow, and life and you can't let a thing like 'fear' run your life. Again, it's not easy, but once you do it, and start down that path, you wont want to go back, and things will get easier for you down the road, because you now have success to hang on to and lean on when you come to a cross roads.

{{{{{{{{HUGS!!!}}}} hope to see you sometime maybe at one of our gatherings at either Bri's or Honu's place..I think it would be fun!

And think of that Dragon as more of a cartoon type, like Petes' dragon, instead of the more fierce ones you see in other films....maybe that will help too.

OH! and if you are going to be poking it, you might want to get a really L_O_N_G stick

qwack

[Bettypooh]

Turtlepins, you are one of my favorite people here because of who you are Your past doesn't define you to me- I just know the person who is here now. Please take care of yourself because you are worth it I wish I had the words to make you feel better but I don't All I can say is that I care and I hope you can find the peace and happiness you deserve soon.

[Dill_Pickle]

Turtlepins

I don't know what to tell you right now, except what my therapist told me once:

You have survived and moved beyond.

Not everyone is that strong or lucky....you will survive, you will settle back down, you will move beyond the range of the dragon. Continue taking care of yourself.

[babymaggie]

Hey there TP! I like your analogy of the dragon, it works well

we all seem to have our demons or 'dragons that we all deal with at times. Some are small and fairly harmless, though you might still get burned....but not incinerated....others are more heavy duty and serious, and require more work.

I too have had to deal with my 'dragons' and I know it really isn't fun My realization of the truly horrid environment we lived in as kids, and being subjected to the psychological, emotional and spiritual abuse and manipulation at the hands of a psychopath has been truly disappointing. having been out and away from it, and seeing how 'normal' and average people behave and realizing that I was exposed to such a toxic environment has given me pause and made me look more at how this has affected me and whats more..... what I can do about it to make my life a better one, and mitigate the side effects of the exposure...something I had been exposed to since birth.

Thats why I see a therapist once a month, to root out the garbage so that I can be a better and happier person....I SPITE OF the destructive behaviors patterns which I was exposed to.

When not around such behavior, I am fine, but I have a really bad reaction (intense anger) when exposed to implied manipulation etc....which isn't fun, and which reared it's ugly head last Sunday at work when I was late because of a schedule change which I missed seeing why I still have a job is beyond me....

One thing I have learned over time, and I am not sure if this helps at all, is this. It doesn't matter what happens to you in life, but what you 'do' about it. Action is key, but sometimes finding the strength or courage to take action is the hardest thing of all...

Also, I have learned that most of the things we fear are manufactured in our minds, and the 'reality' (if there is one" is that the 'fear' is of the unknown, but if you know that what you fear is really made of smoke and has little substance, and you are bigger than it is, the fear subsides and you feel better and stronger Over coming the fear by knowing that you fears are based on old history and things in the past, and that more then likely "TODAY" those same events would have little to no effect on you helps as well.

Much of what we fear we allow to run our lives because we thing we don't have an alternate choice, but we always do. There is ALWAYS a choice, and choosing to not let fear run your life and dictate what you do (or don't do) is a very liberating thing. I have had such things happen and made choices (some were VERY hard) but I did it, faced the dragon and survived...making me a better, stronger person that I am today.

Granted I'm far from perfect or the epitome of psychological health, but still if I can help somewhere, let me know and I'll do my best to lend a hand to get you through the swamp.

You're NOT alone in this....everyday someone somewhere has a Dragon to deal with, and it's name isn't Pete

But the more you face it, understand it, and find ways to combat it and over come it, the better your tomorrows will be. It's there, you just have to reach for the brass ring and hold tight, because what happened happened....it's in the past....you deserve a happier tomorrow, and life and you can't let a thing like 'fear' run your life. Again, it's not easy, but once you do it, and start down that path, you wont want to go back, and things will get easier for you down the road, because you now have success to hang on to and lean on when you come to a cross roads.

{{{{{{{{HUGS!!!}}}} hope to see you sometime maybe at one of our gatherings at either Bri's or Honu's place..I think it would be fun!

And think of that Dragon as more of a cartoon type, like Petes' dragon, instead of the more fierce ones you see in other films....maybe that will help too.

OH! and if you are going to be poking it, you might want to get a really L_O_N_G stick

qwack

[Honu]

Turtle Pins and Square Duck,

[Diaperderpy]

Turtlepins, ive suffered abuse like you did . Its terrible, but you should leave the past where it is. If u talk with me, i can help you through:)

[turtlepins]

I've known about the abuse for a few years now, and am getting to where I can recover from the flashbacks and dreams somewhat.

[rosalie.bent]

best of luck turtle... It must hurt a lot and in a way I wish I could erase your memory for you entirely and give you a new slate to write on.

[turtlepins]

Sometimes it is in the writing of the terror that it begins to lose its power and becomes JUST memories of a long distant past instead of a fire-breathing dragon poking its head out of long-forgotten caves.

Writing does help.

[Danni]

Maybe this will help

[Ryan23A]

Turtlepins, you have done something that I probably wouldn't have been able to do, that is being able to see what the past held and you kept it together and let us know about it. Simply posting about it here made it obvious that you have the ability to move on with what you had dug up, so please hang in there we here all hope that you do. With all my and everyone's care do hope that you do better from here on out.

[Dill_Pickle]

Hey Turtlepins....you tell me you aren't sleeping well....

Last may, things started falling apart for me....turns out, I asked a Dr in January about my wife reporting my snoring....sent me for a sleep study...guess what: sleep apnea, heavy duty...

Now, I need to tell you a few things about the sleep study. One is, I flipped out on the first one, could hardly sleep....the second one went a lot better -- I slept 2/3 of the night, got a CPAP the day after. I'm still adjusting to sleeping with a facemask on... but the difference on the second one is that I was a lot more assertive, I had a relatively loud tech (used to talking to folks hard of hearing), and I bent her ear a bit. I also made sure I slept on the correct side of the bed. Still missed my wife!

I was also diapered both times, second time had a urinal at the bedside so I didn't have to get out of bed to pee...that helped a lot...and so did having on long sleeves on top and long pants on the bottom so I didn't have to think so much about catching wires, including the ones on my shins and the pulse oximeter on my finger, which felt very bandaged....

I have been subsequently tossed from two Dr's offices for a month to see what sleeping properly does for my other physical issues, the GP saying "this could explain everything!"......and I think she might just be right.

[turtlepins]

I have been through two sleep studies now.

[Ryan23A]

Awesome to see that you are getting the help that you need.. Please hang in there I am rooting for you so beat the crap out of the meanies in your head and make out on top.