diaperpt Posted October 7, 2012 Share Posted October 7, 2012 Not a matter of being offended. It's just a different belief system and I think that's fine. Actually I enjoy looking at such beliefs through someone else's eyes. And in this case it is Personalias who is looking through someone else's eyes - even better! Link to comment
malus_infantia Posted October 8, 2012 Share Posted October 8, 2012 Wonders if Virgil is in the fortress of the first, being infantilized by Judys... Link to comment
GeekSquad_in_Diapers Posted October 9, 2012 Share Posted October 9, 2012 Great story!!! Keep it going! Link to comment
Personalias Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 Chapter 12: Lysa’s Lies. Dante sat in the stroller, eyes blank. Time and feeling had decided to take a backseat yet again. His intellect though was already playing catch up. It all made sense, now: The baby instinctively reaching for Lysa’s breasts, Lysa’s death glare at the wet nurse, Jamal’s crack about maternal instinct. Lysa saying she would never lactate, get pregnant or have her period AGAIN. God, how could he have been so naïve? (To be fair, he thought the AGAIN only applied to her period.) Even the Judy’s insistence on Caroline being Lysa’s baby “sister Link to comment
diaperpt Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 How can Dante tell whether to believe Lysa or Jamal? Which of them is telling him the truth? ...or are they both lying to him? Lysa sure is changing her story a lot, but what if Jamal is just a trouble maker. What if to keep your teen-age mind, you have to be a trouble maker? It seems to me that Jamal is right in that; Dante isn't by nature a trouble maker. Does that make him 'doomed'...or is it really 'doomed' to become baby-like? I've wondered that already. Since this is a story and not actual belief of what happens after death, what if you become a baby for a while and then are 'recycled' back to life as that baby? In other words, a child that goes to limbo has to become a baby again and after a 'suitable' time is re-incarnated - re-born - into another family and gets another chance at life? Could it be that BOTH Lysa and Jamal are 'tools' of the Judy's to mess with the minds of new-comers in order to break them down and retreat into the comfort of the Judys? Wow! This story is just so good that it has me wondering this much - creating this many possible scenarios. I want it to go the way Personalias has it planned out rather than any particular way I've speculated. It's just so much fun to think about all this. Keep at it Personalias! Link to comment
messyman Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 @diaperpt I was having similar thoughts. I can't think of a happing ending for this story that does not involve Jesus walking into the nursery. But I can see it ending like 1984. Link to comment
Personalias Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 Chapter 13: Threshold It had been Valentine’s Day when she had become a woman. She was 15 and the wait had been well worth while. Robbie had taken her out to dinner, and a movie. He had been a gentleman the whole night. After the movie, he took her out to lovers’ lane. He lowered the roof of his convertible so that they could see the stars. It hadn’t snowed that night, so the sky was clear. It was so still cold though, so they cuddled up close together. One thing led to another (doesn’t it always), and he started kissing her neck. Everything tingled. Everything. She felt his hands, his gentle touch as he nibbled on her ear. She melted for him. He could have asked for the world, and she would have given it to him. All he had asked was for her to get into the back seat with him and turn him into a man. She was saving herself for marriage. That’s what she told her parents, and all of her friends at school. But right then, she didn’t care. She was going to marry Robbie Simmons anyway, so it didn’t matter when they consummated their love. She was invincible. She didn’t know then that months later Robbie would bail on her as soon as she told him what he had done to her. Deny the whole thing. Call her a whore and a slut. So she said the only word she could thing of. “Yes. Link to comment
Personalias Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 Thank you all for reading this far. The story's not over yet, though. Still... This chapter was very important to me as a writer, because it's one of two scenes in my head that really made me decide to give this thing a go. Thank you to everyone who has read this and encouraged me so far. I know most people who read these stories don't comment and never will. But if there was ever a time to give me honest praise or constructive feedback; THIS would be the time. Now on to your regularly scheduled programming. Link to comment
LilDavid Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 That was a great! Can't wait for more! I especially liked the blank space, just before Dante came back. It reminded me of the phrase "The Darkness before the Dawn" (or something like that). Link to comment
Bluebird67 Posted October 10, 2012 Share Posted October 10, 2012 Really excellent twist. And that just happens to be almost my top favourite song, one that I keep wanting to give six stars to in iTunes. This has to be heading for a five star story too, especially if you can pull off the ending. Link to comment
thong5 Posted October 11, 2012 Share Posted October 11, 2012 This story is so fantastic , I look for more everyday. Link to comment
diaperpt Posted October 11, 2012 Share Posted October 11, 2012 That was a great! Can't wait for more! I especially liked the blank space, just before Dante came back. It reminded me of the phrase "The Darkness before the Dawn" (or something like that). YES!! My mind was racing as I scrolled through the blank space. This whole section of story has answered a lot of questions, at least for me. And I still have enough more so that the suspense is keeping me hanging...I won't say 'killing me'. I've been baptized and am way, way adult in age. Still, I'd love to experience just a little bit of the limbo you've created. I also agree with Bluebird67 that the ending will be critical to the success of the story. I'm not afraid to add that pressure to you because you've shown yourself to be an imaginative, creative and thoughtful writer. Link to comment
GeekSquad_in_Diapers Posted October 11, 2012 Share Posted October 11, 2012 Great story. I truly believed this was the ending when Dante would fall into the sleep before he finished the lyrics to the song. I loved the use of white space to make the reader franticly scroll down to see the rest of the dramatic scene and how Dante found his anchors at the last moment possible. Please continue this and give it the incredible ending it deserves. Link to comment
PeculiarChangeling Posted October 12, 2012 Share Posted October 12, 2012 Saw the anchor coming, but I certainly didn't expect that. Also, 'You gotta keep em separated' is a great song. Link to comment
babylin Posted October 12, 2012 Share Posted October 12, 2012 O K !!! Twice you amazed me. Hope your ending will also. Happiness Is Wearing Cotton Diapers Link to comment
messyman Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 I hope we didn't put too much pressure on the guy to finish. Link to comment
diaperpt Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 Agreed. I don't want any of my comments - or anyone else's - to pressure a writer. Strangely enough, we all have lives outside of this site. While I love reading the stories and interacting with people here, writers especially need space. Link to comment
Personalias Posted October 15, 2012 Share Posted October 15, 2012 Sorry folks. Been sick. Looking to post chapter 14: Sunshine by tonight, Tuesday at the latest. Link to comment
Personalias Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 Chapter 14: Sunshine. Dante had been close, tantalizingly close to complete mental oblivion. Having slept through his actual death, Dante found skirting the edge of his adult threshold very similar to what many people must have thought death was like. As he had lain there in Lysa’s lap, he could feel himself losing things. Memories, concepts, and words had been slipping right out of him. Everything that he had was going the way of the dodo. It was like every bit of knowledge he possessed had been a grain of sand, slipping through his fingers. As he had looked up from Lysa’s lap, everything was leaving him. Reading, math, science, history, art…everything. Even little words escaped him. He couldn’t remember words like “food Link to comment
LilDavid Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 Is it just me or is Dante finally up a creek without a paddle? Link to comment
messyman Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 Wow, Lysa should not have been able to sing along to a Beatles song. I am anxiously awaiting the next chapter. Link to comment
diaperpt Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 Or up a good creek and won't need a paddle. I don't know. The suspense and action are just great. Love this story. I know it's got to end but I'm loving what it is. Link to comment
Personalias Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 Wow, Lysa should not have been able to sing along to a Beatles song. I am anxiously awaiting the next chapter. Yeah, I know. But they were tripping and speaking baby gibberish anyways. So it wasn't singing as much as the ultimate of harmless coincidences. The joke just popped up. Link to comment
messyman Posted October 16, 2012 Share Posted October 16, 2012 Yeah, I know. But they were tripping and speaking baby gibberish anyways. So it wasn't singing as much as the ultimate of harmless coincidences. The joke just popped up. Whink whink, knudge knudge, say no more Link to comment
Recommended Posts
Create an account or sign in to comment
You need to be a member in order to leave a comment
Create an account
Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!
Register a new accountSign in
Already have an account? Sign in here.
Sign In Now