Is Being In A Ab/Dl Lifestyle A Choice Or A Need?

[Kari]

This is not a judgment call to anyone here.

I wish to spark a discussion, not a debate with this.

Therefore, I'm not saying AB/DL tendencies make anyone mentally ill.

There is the subject of Paraphillias in the DSM IV.

But, this same book said Homosexuality was a mental disorder before the 70's.

I hope to see the same outcome someday on things that do not harm self or others.

With that said I think there's a need to balance everything in ones life.

I have a obbssessive and addictive personality and even religion can become overwhelming.

In fact a lot of shame based thinking as well as "passes" on some is derived from theology that's not tempered in a free society.

We are all different and ever more expanding with mainstream attention more aware of the AB/DL community.

I do believe there are some of us that were "Hard Wired" to be this way from a very early age.

For example I remember a couple times of wearing diapers as a Toddler and loving it.

Then I think some adults hear about us and try it as a "kink of the month".

But it's not a lifestyle choice, for some. Perhaps rather just a fun experimentation that fades away.

Some are physically incontent and may use it as a coping mechanism as part of their physical need for diapers.

I've shared before about depression and bi-polar issues that (I think) creates a phycological need for diapers in my life.

I'm seeking an either or approach to my needs and/or desires.

Either it could be a real dependance like those with physical issues.

Or a byproduct of my distorted thinking. Or psycosematic at best?

What is the AB/DL lifestyle in your own life?

Would there be ANYTHING in life to make you cease if given the opportunity.

I've suggested that lack of a limb for a clear head would be an exchange I've considered with the what ifs in life.

As for this lifestyle, it has been made known up front in previous marriages and relationships.

Even though AB/DL wasn't a compelling reason the failure of these, it's a possible factor.

But one of those choices and/or needs that I feel no remorse for looking back.

[sarah_ab]

actually it wasnt until the 90's when homosexuality was officially taken out of the dsm but by the time it really wasnt diagnosed as a disorder .... for me ab is simply a sexual roleplay scenario i enjoy engaging in with my partner ... so in that sense it is a choice .... and it is not the only scenario i enjoy.... but i do know there seems to be a good representation of people who are from all different camps

[timmyc]

For me, because I have had an interest most of my life it just is. not a choice, maybe at one time it was. Not a need per say, just a fact, a truth. The sky is blue, winters are cold and I am a ab/dl. I can choose when and where I play and who I play with. I can turn it on and off at will. Even when I am not actively participating I have diapers on the brain it is just a part of what makes me, me. I breath air, my eyes are blue, I am obsessed with diapers and the wearing of them by adults. I don't always wear, but the desire has never gone away and I can't see that changing.

[tcc]

Your thoughts and questions are valid and have basis behind them. Unfortunately, virtually everyone in our community has many of the same questions and concerns because we all feel we are so out of line with mainstream "normal" society.

Some questions have no answers. Most of us will never find our diaper "trigger", whether we lean DL or AB, both, or any variant thereof. And, the more threads that start, the more concerns about labels and variations of the AB or DL central line that seem to crop up. People want to be defined. People want to be legitimized. People want to be assured they are "okay", especially when they feel they have to reveal their fetishism or crave acceptance, driving them to "'fess up".

For me anymore, it's only diapers, which are a legitimate, moral product for a legitimate need. I wear them by choice. I use them by choice. It's MY thing, and it's my CHOICE. It's no big deal. But, that's for ME. For so many others, it's so much more. And, it's too bad. It tends to interfere with clear thought, and a comfort zone.

I intend to go to my grave wearing diapers, and I intend to be comfortable with that. And, if I get old and crotchety, and end up needing diapers, it won't be anything new, and I guess I'll be pretty comfortable wearing them all the time!

[sarah_ab]

For me, because I have had an interest most of my life it just is. not a choice, maybe at one time it was. Not a need per say, just a fact, a truth. The sky is blue, winters are cold and I am a ab/dl. I can choose when and where I play and who I play with. I can turn it on and off at will. Even when I am not actively participating I have diapers on the brain it is just a part of what makes me, me. I breath air, my eyes are blue, I am obsessed with diapers and the wearing of them by adults. I don't always wear, but the desire has never gone away and I can't see that changing.

I like what you said here, about liking diapers is not a choice.... i think i was trying to say that in my post, but was on my iphone, so i don't always elaborate.. as to enjoying the ab scenario, something in my brain makes me sexually aroused by it, by no conscious choice of my own.. so in that sense it is not a choice, it just is.... but my decision to 1. acknowledge i enjoy it and 2. engage in it.. is definitely where my 'choice' comes in. I don't have a need in any way for it, as its not the only thing that sexually arouses me, i don't have a physical or psychological need to do it...

I actually was one of those people who just happened across an abdl website one day and thought 'hey this sounds like fun and turns me on'... although its not simply a 'kink of the month' as i now, 8 years late, still enjoying it... but it is not my only kink by far...

[drynot]

I've heard it said before that you can't choose who you fall in love with. Diapers, for me, is an extension of that kind of mentality. I didn't choose to enjoy wearing and using diapers....it just happened. I can't say for certain what the trigger was way back when but its there and I learned to live with it. I suppose I could have learned to supress the desire but I cannot remember making a conscious decision to enjoy being in diapers......

Today the urge waxes and wanes but I'm comfortable with it so I try not to dwell on it too much anymore.....

[Depends1578]

To put it simply for myself, it is a choice. I do not need a diaper, to wet a diaper, or to wear diapers. I will not melt or die without them. I choose to wear and wet, and I love it. That being said, I also believe it is a lifestyle, but within a choice of a lifestyle. (have i confused you yet?) so I guess its both for me, in certain aspects. I wouldn't give it up ever, and I plan to continue this lifestyle choice until I go to the grave.

[BriGuy]

Ive chosen to walk away and try to distance myself from my Abdl side but i keep coming back to it. I think somewhere along the line it became a hardwired thing for me as I cant really remembering a time where they weren't on my mind.

Ive since learned to not fight it. Although I will say, I think they chose me more than I chose them....

[Eir]

I have noticed that since I accepted being AB I made less awkward statements and, when someone accused me of being childish, acting like a baby, etc, it did not bother me, and I even liked it a little. I remember getting flustered when a female coworker asked why she felt she was babysitting me. I have had diapers on my mind before being AB, even though I started experimenting with diapers for this reason. (Check signature) I was desperate for a cure, then noticed a few guys had started using diapers to cure shy bladder, I thought I would try to do the same. It did not cure it but, that may be because I have not worn diapers in public. That is still to scary for me, and I know many on this site feel the same way.

[diaperpt]

Through a fair amount of therapy, I've begun learning the origins of my attraction to girl's gym suits, then bras and panties, and much later but now diapers.

Without dwelling on 'my' story, it comes as an expression of other needs that weren't being met and/or expressed. I'm looking toward finding how to allow my own feelings and needs out in the open. But even if I'm able to figure this all out and learn how to deal with it all, I'm more and more sure that I'll always 'need' diapers. I'm fine with that. One of my goals is to be able to express myself well enough to convince my wife that this is ok and doesn't have to destroy our relationship.

For some of us, our attraction to diapers may be a choice - my initial attraction was a curiosity and therefore somewhat a choice. My choice, however, was based on an inner need.

While I will not try to paint with broad strokes, I have to wonder if at least most of us have some inner need that at least draws us to the 'choice'. That would make it not an "either/or", but rather a "both/and" on a wide sliding scale based on our own backgrounds. Where the need is strong, choice may be somewhat limited and where need is slight, choice is much greater.

And I may be all wrong...

[Bettypooh]

Just like everything else we do, wearing diapers is a choice when you get right down to the brass tacks of the matter. But that doesn't mean that we can all stop doing it as long as we have the chance to do it. For some of us the other choice of stopping leads to our destruction mentally and spiritually, ruining all chances for our happiness- so we choose to wear diapers to avoid having that happen to us. It is not just a question of the strength of one's willpower, for I have far more of that than most do but I cannot escape my need to wear, just as I cannot escape from being who I am. Someone compared this to the adage of you not choosing who you fall in love with, and that is a good comparison; however you can choose to not pursue the love you find when it apears in your life,  just like you can choose to not begin wearing diapers again once you have stopped. The results of either is much the same- extreme heatbreak and holes in our life that now cannot be filled because we didn't take advantage of the opportunity when it presented itself.

One aspect I will note is that for those who never indulge in their fantasies it is far easier for them to avoid the problems that indulgence can bring. It's like doing recreational drugs- once you try them and experience the pleasurable sensations they bring it becomes harder to say "No" thereafter. Some cannot stop once they've started though some can, and by not starting it's far easier to handle. Yet I also feel like our spiritual side needs us to explore those things which have such a deep attraction to us because they are a part of what makes us who we really are. I would not be the person I am today without the experiences I have had in life. I am not advocating that everyone have those experiences, for some of them came with drawbacks I did not know about until I had already begun. Not starting is always easier than stopping once you've started! I know that with me, my choice to explore this part of me could have been stopped early in the experience but now it can't. I had no physical need then, just an emotional one that begged for me to explore something which appealed to me. I could have never known where it would lead, nor could I have known that a physical need would come into play later on.

When I discovered the deep and different solace that wearing diapers gave me like nothing else did, I was essentially hooked and it is now something I cannot stop- nor do I want to stop. There is nothing quite like this and it fills a place in my soul that can be filled by nothing else- thus to me it is most definately a need now that I know what it does for me. Had I the choice I would like for my bladder to act like what is normal for most people- that is an experience I've never had- but even if it did I know I will not stop wearing diapers. How this affects us directly is more of a personality-based thing. Some tend toward denial as a coping mechanism; some lust for reality; some feel shame deeply; some do none of this. Yes, this 'habit' can cause you grief unless you handle it corectly, but what is correct for one is not alweays correct for another. We all know the value of self-acceptance and the good it does for us, even when we're a bit weird. How effective that is depends on how well we know ourselves, and how well we see ourself as we really are. I don't think anyone can do that completely but it is necessary to learn how to adapt to our needs and allow for them.This is evidenced in the 'binge and purge' cycle so many of us went through- that is simply not wanting to accept that you really like something you wish you didn't like, and your trying to control who you are when you can't. It's all part of being human.

We will never know exactly what draws us towards things in our life, though it can be nice to understand what motivates us as well as we can. I have a great need for that myself, but after years of pondering this I still can't tell you what caused this in me and what makes it continue. I have some of those answers but they still do not explain why this need is so strong and why I cannot overcome it as I have done with other things in my life. The best I can do is to say that this is an important part of who I really am, that I accept it for that, and that I will try to not let it harm anyone in any way. I have passed the point where I could still choose and I no longer have a problem with that, nor do I wish to go back to the troubled point in my life where I made this choice to change it. Wearing diapers again has made me a better person and taught me that I too am just a human- and a pretty weird one at that

Bettypooh

[BabyJune]

Everybody has a need to find comfort. How we find that comfort is a choice. I suppose AB/DL is both, then. Everyone finds comfort their own way and through certain devices (music, movies, objects, etc.) Paraphilia is the clinical definition used to describe getting sexual arousal from objects that are not usually associated with sex. We usually arrive at that choice by responding to situations that give us the most "satisfaction." And in most cases, it comes from taking "the path of least resistance," or the easiest method of reaching sexual satisfaction. I know, infantilism doesn't always seem like the easiest path, but it is the most direct path to fulfillment of our sexual desires--otherwise we probably wouldn't follow that path.

[abycpl]

This has been seriously integrated with who I am as an adult. My style of thinking and personality in many ways falls around AB feelings and outlooks on many matters. In my daily walk as an adult, I always feel there is a child im taking care of thats always with me. When I get scared, tired, impatient, worried many of these feeling for me are felt in the ways of a adult baby. So I know its always there hidden below the adult me. Unknown to 99% of the people in my life many of the traits people find intersting about my personality orginate from my AB side. My sense of humor, my views on certain things in life, my compassion and caring side. I am not a AB play or kinkster if you want to call it that. This all started for me long before I even knew what sexual thoughts were. It was more about wanting to be loved and cared for as any baby I knew was. For whatever reason I wanted that sort of attention, affection and pampering (litterally) that all babies receive.

With all I have said I am still going to say that our AB lifestyle and play is a choice. If it were not we would all be living 24/7 with no regard for our adult or personal lives. Its something that has to be controlled and kept within reason. We do as much or as little as possible by choice. Honestly I would rather give it all up if it were easily possible (which its not ive been through it all purging, therapy etc), because being an AB does complicate our lives. But under excruciating conditions I could quit, though it would hurt me immensely. I know because ive tried, it felt like turning my back on myself and ignoring someone inside of me. I would not be the same person and im sure my outlook on everthing would change for the worse. Fortunately I have found a spouse that can deal with all this AB complication in life. We both make the best of it as we can, while maintaining our insane corporate lives. So at this point in my life its a choice I can continue to live with.

[aleyxsis]

Im pretty sure it is hardwired for me .My urges started when i was about 6yrs of age, about a year or so later they seemed to vanish (not really sure why they appeared or went away ?) .About the time i turned 12 they came back with a vengence and have been with me ever since .By this time i was also crossdressing (another hardwired thing ?) .I have tried many many times to quit both and have wasted so much money on clothes and diapers (binge and purging )

The thing is like so many others on this board and the crossdressing boards is most of the people say it is almost impossble to quit !

I've also have been throu every kind of emotion and scenario with this lifestyle as i call it and finally in the last 5 yrs or so have finally come to acceptance .I still have some days where i feel kinda weird about it but i get over it and move on i have no chioce ,it's that or go kooky lol . PS i have always felt it chose me i did not choose it !

[Shaun4318]

I'm new here coming out of the shadows sort of speak. I Had to postf on this one. I became

dl conscious at 3. I was born blue so I had a lot of learning problems early on. I didn't stop wearing diapers for a need untill three. I remember the night I became dl conscious at 3. I was wearing little pajamas and of course a little diaper. I took of the pajamas just to be alone in a diaper. Since then on and off through my childhood I had the desire. I still remember being little and seeing the old huggie saggy diaper that leak commercial. I wanted to be that baby wearing those pathetic diapers. At adolencence it subsided the diaper part, but did not disappear. When I was 17 I awoke to my spirituality. I didn't grow up in church but I found a need to go and have a relationship with God. I personally found God to be loving and accepting but I felt guilty about my intrest with diapers. So I said all this to say that I have tried to fight the desire but I'm getting worn down. If I stop I would because I find for me that I can get depressed by this. I think in my case it's hard wire. Ive read that many come to terms with this lifestyle and to some degrees I have. Well enough ranting I opened up like this because many on this forum are awesome people and very understanding. So thanks everyone

[mike indiapers]

I have had feelings about wanting to wear diapers all my life and consider my ABDL side to be out of emotional need, although I turn it on and off by choice. I wore diapers late into childhood, 24/7 until age 6 and at night until 10 as a late potty trainer and bed wetter, respectively. I remember at some point during my early childhood, I grew attached to my diapers and started to enjoy and need the extra attention they brought me. I struggled with the mixed emotions of feeling guilty and embarrassed about being in them, but yearned for that attention. When I was finally out of them, I wanted to go back in them. I remember looking forward to my nighttime diapering and would wear them as long as possible in the morning. As a teen, I would buy pampers and wear them when I could. I found Attends in college and my true DL side came out. I have evolved into an ABDL needing both diapers and mommy time to fill my emotional needs. I like where I am.