Why Do So Many People Dislike This Fetish?

[drynot]

Well...as fetishes go....this one is pretty far out there. But Spokane Girl hit the nail on the head I think. AB's and DL's wearing diapers seem to set off the 'pedo' vibe in folks these days. Society is programed to abhor pedophiles (and rightly so IMO) and we're just too close....

Society is also programed to deal with bodily fluids such as urine and fecal matter with disgust....and really I can't blame them. I have no desire to deal with someone elses messes. However I was also programed to see using diapers in a much different light than most folks.....and I think most of us here follow a similar line of thought. We think differently and what motivates us is very different from the rest of society....

[Jen Harris]

If you ask me, it comes down to - what are among the first things we learn are "gross" (unsanitary, disgusting, etc)? Pee and poo. And what are diapers about? Holding those things close to your body.

I will say that diapers are a lot less acceptable than a lot of other fetishes. I'd feel a lot less embarrassed telling someone I like my girlfriend to spank me or tie me up than diaper me. Granted, all are pretty private.

Yes, it's true that there are bad images in the media, but most people just chuckle and move on. There are also images of drunks in the media doing all sorts of bad things, some of which kill people, but that doesn't give drinking a negative image. The pedo thing might exist, too...

Another factor is that, at least in the male-female relationship, there are a lot of women who want a strong, confident man - and diapers are the opposite of that image for most. Even if they want to be strong and confident themselves, they want a partner, not a chore.

[Bettypooh]

Sticking my nose in here again....

The first thing to remember is that everyone "hates" whatever they do not understand....

"Humans fear what they do not understand"

This both. And this is why we humans, and our society be it individual or world-collective has so many unsolved problems that won't go away. This is the point where one makes a conscious decision whether to choose the path of their own comfort and hide themselves, or whether to be themselves with bared soul and let the chips fall where they may. Most of us ride that line or stay on the safe side of it. That includes me. But I have gotten past this point in life- I truly do not hate or fear that which I do not understand- I simply accept that I cannot understand everything and that I cannot make a good judgement call on anything which I do not understand well. Thus I reserve any judgement calls for only that which I do understand and let the rest go. If you want a better world this is the only way to get it.

The internet has been a boon in allowing me to make this progress in life- it is a place where people do not fear repercussions for sharing their true thoughts and feelings. See those who hate and see behind that the reasons they hate, then you will see what needs to be changed and why if we, as a whole, are to ever do any better. Removing the reason for something happening keeps it from happening again, and that is the only permanent solution to any problem. Simply removing the problem itself guarantees that you will see it happen again.

Philosophy lesson over- I have to go change my over-wet diaper now. I hope you understand!

Bettypooh

[Yvhuce]

If you really want to blow someone's mind, let them know that you enjoy wearing diapers but don't use them. You can almost literally see their neurons short-circuiting while trying to process such a situation. Apparently the "diapers = pee and poop" connection is so ingrained into the general public that someone like me who doesn't like using their diapers is considered a paradox. It actually gave my mom a headache trying to wrap her mind around. She already knew I like diapers. But she assumed that I was using them and that was a major part of why she was against it or something. She was completely dumbfounded when she brought the subject up to start a fight and I shot her down by saying that I don't use them because I find it gross.

[sarah_ab]

the other day at work, one of my coworkers forwarded the article about stanley thornton that went out last week. So i was talking with her and said "yeah i totally saw the taboo episode he was in" because i sure as hell wasn't going to say "oh yeah theres posts about it all over the diaper fetish website i visit" hahaha... but I do infact watch taboo all the time, and did see the episode when it aired.... so there were a group of us talking about the whole diaper fetish thing...

and its funny, because my coworkers all seemed to say "you know if they just want to wear them... and even just get off in them... i could see that.... its just the whole using them that i can't get.." so at least in my office, it seems wearing is ok, as is baby play, as long as its at home, in moderation.... its just the using the diapers or wanting to do it full time, that they had thehardest time accepting..... but then again i work with a pretty awesome group of people.

[curiositykilledthecat]

it seems more people are accepting of the sexual side but not so much the ab side. I had this discussion with a member of a multiple system(yeah just role with it, it is a brain hurt). she got the sexual side of it but couldn't get the nonsexual, I did explain it to her to the best she could grasp.

[Yvhuce]

There are some limits to understanding, based on one's own preferences and whatnot. I'm straight. I could never understand how someone could be gay. I find wet and/or messy diapers gross, so I can't understand how someone could like that... Conversely, I love guns and target shooting. And some people can't understand that, and I can't understand the "anti-gun nuts".

[BabyGizmo]

i dis-agree with allot of this. most people have heard of bondage, or of golden showers. adult baby or diaper lovers are not all well known. so, when people find out you are one, they are shocked, and don't know what to think. i have had good success with telling my relations that i do allot of research into fetishes, and break down some, eventually adult baby. when they understand, i ask if they have any fetishes, they usually say no or bondage. then they usually ask me the same thing, and i go on to admit i like the AB and they usually accept it, knowing what its about and that it doesn't effect me on an average day.

as for women wanting men, that is why if you have a meaningful relationship, don't bring it up for 3-4 weeks, but still keep it early in the relationship for it to be a no big deal. show them you are a man, show them who you really are, then show them your baby side, and let them know you went hiding it, its just 2 different parts of you, land you wanted to show them the real you before they got the wrong idea.

these approaches haven't failed yet for me. hope that helps you.

[Leilin]

Eh. I disagree. If you haven't based your relationship on truth and you think you have a meaningful relationship, your relationship is no more meaningful than any other half-truth or lie.

People who are aware of ABDLs don't like ABDLs because, with noted exceptions, every ABDL who has had public exposure has either been a self-centered, maladjusted, socially awkward, perverted individual or has been portrayed as one by the media. What do you expect people to think?

The worst part of it is that the depiction, in my experience, is 70 percent correct.

[babykeiff]

There is a few reasons that people don't like the ab/dl fetish - and it all comes down to the toilet training phase of their lives, and the reason and way they were trained. Due to something called 'infant amnesia', (discussed at end of document), we all forget why we were toilet trained. We, as a child, made that decision to not wear and use diapers, and it was in response to what a parent / career done on us either by accident or by design.

The sole reason not to wear diapers is for comfort, and we learnt, by feedback, that once we wet / mess a diaper, we would be uncomfortable. Modern disposables don't give that feedback until leaking, and it is the combination of suffering a number of leaks and the associated discomfort, that taught us to give up diapers. What I mean by that is when the person taking care of us decided that we were capable of controlling our eliminations, they changed us into trainers and/or underwear, where the feedback is instant from wetting / messing. For the comfort sake, we learnt that it was easier, and more comfortable to tell our career of our need to eliminate (ie disturb and stop what we were doing) rather than ignore the urges and wet/mess.

Once we started on this path, we became proficient, and recorded deep in our mind that the wearing of diapers are only for babies cause only babies who can't control themselves wear and use diapers.

Since this, diapers are associated, by everybody, to those who are an infant / baby and/or the elderly - which means people who need others to take care of them, and are too helpless to take care of themselves. Since this is imbedded so deeply in peoples mind, when they hear of or see an adult wearing a diaper, they instantly think that there is something wrong with that adult - either mentally or physically. When nothing physical is discovered, the rational is to see this adult as mentally disturbed.

With the large number of idiots appearing on the news wearing diapers and misleading others inorder to obtain sexual / diaper changing service, the rational is to think that every adult who is not physically disturbed is mentally disturbed AND will, without remorse, try to obtain diaper changing services. Since most adults don't have to change a diaper of another adult, but only their infant child, it is a situation that they have no reference point, so fear and self preservation kicks in.

With the media attention towards paedophilia, and a large proportion of adults don't know, since they have an inbuilt fear in harming a child, it is easy to assume that an AB - an adult who chooses to wear diapers is a paedophile.

The irrational fear portrayed by a member of the public towards AB/DLs is, when analysed, very rational and is based on a lack of knowledge and a prior training that they can't remember. As previous ,members have stated, what we don't know, we fear.

Side note:

Infant Amnesia is where an adult can't correctly recall their life earlier than 5 years of age. This is due to a number of factors, one being that we recall our memories based on a chronological time line, and usually earlier than 5 years of age, we were unable to correctly read time and date. Without the ability to know what time and date it is, we have no way to date our events and also no way to recall them correctly. Secondly, in some schools, it is thought that our mind was not completely formed, as a result, what we did store is not in the correct place, and very difficult to recall. However, the contradiction to that theory is that we do recall significant events in our earlier life ie trauma etc, however, for our own safety, we tend to soften and disguise the memory so we have the jist of the event but not the painful detail.

In my opinion, I think it is based more on the way we store memorys. We store every event as it happens on top of the previous event similar to writing an event on a A4 page and placing it on a desk. The next event is wrote on a new A4 page and placed on top of the previous event. After a while, the pages pile up, so the ability to recall a specific event needs us to leaf through each individual page until we find the event. Today, we can jump back in day and week blocks to find a specific event since we also know roughly how many pages we used per day etc. However, as an infant etc, the length of a day is undetermined due to our bodies need for sleep, as is the difference between day and night. That makes it more difficult for us to use dates as the index when we are looking for events. Secondly, since we were being bombarded with new information on a second per second basis, the page count during those years are much more than what we normally handle today. Thirdly, without a number (since we didn't know what numbers were) marked on these pages, finding a specific one using numbers will never work. To recall what your childhood was like, you need a different 'key' and such a key will be an event - as a trigger and/or a photograph / video.

Due to the amount of information stored in your brain, the specific day may not come to you instantly, but if you concentrate, you will recall the event after about 24-48 hours. This is similar to your ability to recall a friends name, someone you have not seen for 5 years, and someone you recently met but couldn't remember his/her name during the meeting - and do recall his/her name as well as all his traits etc 12-24 hours later. The reason that this works is that you are using the image of that persons face, and everything you talk about as a key, and you send your mind searching for all this information while you continue your day. Your mind will eventually find it.

To end this, the mind usually does not forget items. The problem occurs when you are trying to recall a specific piece of information in a rush. It is stored, but the problem is where.

[Yvhuce]

What's an A4 page?

Also, the mind does forget items. Details that are deemed unimportant are often not remembered. That's why I can almost never remember how a specific moment in time smelled. It's just not an important enough detail for me to have remembered. Or why we don't remember the name of the person we met once 20 years ago and haven't seen since. Or why I took 3 years of Spanish in highschool and the only coherent phrase I can recall is "No hablo espan~ol". Conversely, the more we rely on a memory, or the more fond we are of it, and the more we recall it, the stronger and more detailed it will be. I can mute my favorite memories, walk out of the room, and come back in quoting the line that's being said when I re-enter the room.

[babykeiff]

What's an A4 page?

...

This is http://www.graytex.c...-paper-size.htm

Could it be that during the 3 years of Spanish tuition you were dormido en clase.

According to some beliefs, the mind is more responsive when asleep, so if that is the case, could it be that the teacher / class was no good?

[Yvhuce]

This is http://www.graytex.c...-paper-size.htm

Could it be that during the 3 years of Spanish tuition you were dormido en clase.

According to some beliefs, the mind is more responsive when asleep, so if that is the case, could it be that the teacher / class was no good?

Sorry... No hablo espanol. No idea what you're calling me, but I'll assume it's a shootable offense... *aims rifle*

We were never taught anything about paper sizes. Only paper types. We'd just call it "printer paper".

[Eir]

^Usted no comprende la significa en Ingles de dormido en clase? Significa en Ingles Asleep in class. It would be more accurate to say: Durante los tres anos que usted fueron estudiando al Espanol, fue durmiendo en clase?

I only have studied Spanish in formal classes, and I pick up much much more than I can speak or write. I do remember that conjugation was a load of fun!

[Yvhuce]

^Usted no comprende la significa en Ingles de dormido en clase? Significa en Ingles Asleep in class. It would be more accurate to say: Durante los tres anos que usted fueron estudiando al Espanol, fue durmiendo en clase?

I only have studied Spanish in formal classes, and I pick up much much more than I can speak or write. I do remember that conjugation was a load of fun!

Let me say this properly:

DO YOU SPEAK EN-GUH-LISH?!

I don't speak spanish. Spanish 3 was 12 years ago and no one around here speaks it. So I've lost most all of it. I have no idea what you've tried to say to me in spanish. You might as well be saying "wah wah-wah-wah wah wah" like the adults in the Peanuts cartoons...

[Eir]

I am Caucasian American.

I said: "Sir, do you not understand what "dormiendo en clase" means in English. It means to fall asleep in class. It would be more accurate to say: "During the three years that you, sir have been studying spanish, were you sleeping in class?

I only have studied Spanish in formal classes, and I pick up much much more than I can speak or write. I do remember that conjugation was a load of fun!

I think practicing another language is a great way of practicing one's mind. The best way of teaching eachother a new language is: each one teach one. Teach the person next to you what you know. I apologize if I had bent you out of shape. I summise, sir that you are extremely frustrated, evidenced by your typing in all caps. Allow me to suggest, sir that your anger is atypical. It is not overly difficult to use an online bilingual dictionary and decipher what someone is saying. It is fun, almost like a game.

Songs like this really make me want to master Spanish:

[BriGuy]

Eh. I disagree. If you haven't based your relationship on truth and you think you have a meaningful relationship, your relationship is no more meaningful than any other half-truth or lie.

People who are aware of ABDLs don't like ABDLs because, with noted exceptions, every ABDL who has had public exposure has either been a self-centered, maladjusted, socially awkward, perverted individual or has been portrayed as one by the media. What do you expect people to think?

The worst part of it is that the depiction, in my experience, is 70 percent correct.

Nail on the freakin head right there. No one has a problem with me being an Abdl, but most people have issues with the interactions they have had with other abdls. Seems as most don't have much if any social skills.

[babykeiff]

I may get a lot of abuse from saying this, but the truth has to be said..

AB/DLs are generally socially isolated. This usually starts in childhood due to an almost OCD towards something of their interest. These interest vary with the person, and since they have spent so much time on this subject, they are usually experts on said subject. Due to the originally self inflicted social isolation, they never mastered the fine art of social interaction, which usually makes them seem childish when trying to interact with others. This lack of skill can, in some cases, leave them lower in the pecking order where they work, that is despite their extreme proficiency in this trade. This is usually due to an alpha (person with refined social skills, yet little other skills) using the AB/DL to teach the alpha the core tricks of the job, and then superseding the AB/DL via promotion etc.

The normal trait of humans when threatened is fight or flight. The flight is to a place of safety. The natural place of safety is the womb, or via regression. This regression, or choosing to wear and/or use diapers may help us mentally, but it also can feed the original problem - our social isolation and our inability to interact with others.

To some prospective partners, having a submissive partner or one that needs to be controlled is required, but this dynamic only works / stays interesting when the submissive is occasional dominant and/or rebellious. That dominant streak requires social skills where the dominant (now temporary submissive) partner believes, and in some way fears the submissive (temporary dominant). As a life AB/DL, this is usually very difficult to enforce since the AB/DL not only does not know how to be dominant, is also usually very uncomfortable in a dominant role.

Unfortunately, and we all can attest to this, some AB/DLs will try and create a fantasy world, where in their own mind they are an infant and it is ok to get an adult to change / take care of them, but in reality, when they blur the difference between fantasy and reality, they involve another person. When the media gets involved, the cold facts of the event(s) are publicised from an adults perspective.

If the AB/DL involved in the incident was an actual infant, no police or media would be involved since the actions of the AB/DL/infant would not only be ignored, they would be expected. Everybody expects an infant to wear and use diapers, and need an adult to change and care for same. This is so ingrained in our society that a 1ft tall person / infant not wearing a diaper is usually not allowed indoors, and an infant sitting / playing alone in the centre of a mall where no parent / career is near is cause for concern. However, if / when a 5ft tall person sitting in the centre of a mall, playing while wearing only a diaper, the concern and focus is not for the well being of the 5ft person, it is for the well being of any child that may be in the area.

In a certain view, the difference between an 1ft infant and 5ft AB/DL from a social perspective is very little. I can extend this to non AB/DLs. Using social skills as a base line, there is very little difference between an infant and most adults.

These social skills that I talk about we usually master, like everything we learn, via trial and error. The following will show the steps on the social ladder. I will use X, Y and Z as people, but will not mention the age, but you should be able to see the progress.

X sees Y has an item. X wants that item.

Stage 1: X goes to Y and takes that item.

Stage 2: X goes to Y, indicates want, and takes item.

Stage 3: X gets introduced to Y. X indicates want. Y gives X item.

Stage 4: X introduces self. X indicates want. Y gives X item.

Stage 5: X introduces self. X tells Y that item is no good. Y gives X item.

Stage 6: X gets Z to get item from Y.

As you may notice between Stage 3 and Stage 4, X learns how to introduce self. This is a needed skill which most of us either forget, or allow the possible fear of rejection stop us. Fear is a taught response. Fear has only one purposes - to show us our limits - so we can conquer them. Rejection is just one person saying no on this one occasion. Because one person says no now doesn't mean that when we ask them again that they will repeat the same answer.

We as adults are seeking the same as our infant brethren - to be loved, cared for and respected, but to reach that goal we need to have some self confidence, which as infants we had in abundance due to our ignorance of fear.

As an AB/DL you have found your inner comfort. All you need to do is now find someone to share this with, and the easiest way to find that is to use the infantile fearlessness so you are not afraid of rejection and ASK.

[sarah_ab]

of course it could be that those who are most active on this site (and not all, but many) are trend towards social isolation in the physical sense, and therefore the only exposure we have online to abdls are those who are socially isolative, and those who are not, are not as active and as such we do not have a sense of how many not socially awkward abdls there are out there

[Horndog]

People don't like the AB/DL fetish because the fetish is not considered to be "normal."

Even if there were fewer socially awkward AB/DLs and most people kept their interests private, the concept itself repulses people.

Then again, everyone -- at some point in their lives -- has sex, and we all tend to deal with that fact with some sort of casual ignorance of how others "do it."

[BriGuy]

People don't like the AB/DL fetish because the fetish is not considered to be "normal."

Even if there were fewer socially awkward AB/DLs and most people kept their interests private, the concept itself repulses people.

Then again, everyone -- at some point in their lives -- has sex, and we all tend to deal with that fact with some sort of casual ignorance of how others "do it."

Has nothing to do with not being normal. Let's talk not normal, how about looners? They get their rocks off popping balloons. Or how about pony play or canine roll play where they pretend to be animals. Or how about golden showers?? People bathing in and drinking urine.

It has everything to do with how said fetish is presented. I've heard so many awkward stories about how others in the Bdsm lifestyle were introduced to our interests.

I personally do not understand why so many many people think others see us as negative. I have absolutely no negative experience, and I venture out into public and talk openly about my being an Abdl.

Negative outlook for us i think not, a negative representation of who we are through a handful of awkward people is more plausible.

[Horndog]

I put "normal" in sarcasm quotes. I agree with you.

[Frink]

edit: inflammatory. please delete.

[froggy]

Nice frog, Frink!!!!!!!!!!

Now to the topic, We tend to dislike what we do not understand and are unwilling to try to understand.

Within the kink communities, ABDL are considered to be needy. We want attention back, even if we give it. We are not all giving and suffering slaves for the pleasure of some dominant. If we have found a mommy/girlfriend, we tend to become very jealous and close off friendships because we are paranoid that everyone else wants to steal the attention of our mommy/girlfriend. Finally, the press coverage of us is of the worst amongst us they can find.

I think we tend to do better with friends where there is a more equal expectation of give and take from the beginning of a relationship.

wribbit

[Yvhuce]

I am Caucasian American.

I said: "Sir, do you not understand what "dormiendo en clase" means in English. It means to fall asleep in class. It would be more accurate to say: "During the three years that you, sir have been studying spanish, were you sleeping in class?

I only have studied Spanish in formal classes, and I pick up much much more than I can speak or write. I do remember that conjugation was a load of fun!

I think practicing another language is a great way of practicing one's mind. The best way of teaching eachother a new language is: each one teach one. Teach the person next to you what you know. I apologize if I had bent you out of shape. I summise, sir that you are extremely frustrated, evidenced by your typing in all caps. Allow me to suggest, sir that your anger is atypical. It is not overly difficult to use an online bilingual dictionary and decipher what someone is saying. It is fun, almost like a game.

Don't mind the caps. That was me trying to be comically over-the-top. Please direct your attention to the more coherent explanation underneath it as to why I didn't retain much Spanish. It was simply useless information, like what George Washington's second cousin's dog's name was... So, it got mostly forgotten. All I really need to know in Spanish is "No hablo espan~ol".

Though, it is irritating when someone keeps speaking a foreign language at me when I let them know that I don't speak that language. Because, then, they're doing it on purpose to annoy me. And they might be saying something that I should be sticking a double-barrel 12 gauge shotgun under their nose for having said...

Also, I have a rather slow internet connection (21k [on a good day, around 16k normally, around 8k some days] land line dial-up) and it IS a chore to have to use one or more of the translator sites/programs to try to figure out what you just said... If you're going to talk to someone on the internet and you both speak the same language, then do so. It's rather pretentious to use foreign languages on people who don't speak them. I know enough about the Muskogee language to lob sentences at you that you wouldn't be able to look up online. But I don't, because I want to make sure that what I say is being understood.

Also, another reason why people hate us: All of those damned forced regression/forced diapering stories. I'm one of us and I hate those stories... They're basically tantamount to rape... And there are also all of the stories involving underage characters... How can we expect people to like us when if someone we've got all this "We'll make someone who isn't into this do it anyway!" and "We'll involve kids in it!" crap laying around?! If we seriously want to repair our reputation as a whole, then we need to ban these kinds of stories and only stick with those that involve consenting adults. Those who defend these works as "harmless fiction" have to understand that they most certainly aren't seen as such by outsiders... To them, it's rape and pedophilia... And to all wondering why they'd be looking for such stories: They don't have to be looking for them. I've run many a non-AB/DL search through Yahoo and came across sites featuring such stories, and links to such stories. And it only gets worse when you actually search for "ABDL"... Hell, my folks found all sorts of gross shit like this just by searching for "adult diapers", which is part of why they're so against it...