Very Hurt By This.

[Shizneb]

Hello. I'm a 25 year old newly wed wife to a man who is into the whole diaper thing.

I've been browsing this forum for the past couple of days and just finally decided to tell my story. My husband and I have been together for almost 5 years now, and we just recently got married a few months ago. Two years into our relationship, about 3 years ago, he came clean to me about his mild fetish with diapers. That night he told me that he's had a bit of a fascination with diapers for as long as he can remember, and once he learned how to drive and had his own car (in high school) he began occasionally purchasing diapers and wearing them on rare occasions - like when he was home all by himself or his parents were out of town. He continued this practice through college - wearing diapers on semi rare occasions (about a couple times every few months) when his roommate wasn't around. (This was all stuff he told me of course, since he was too ashamed to ever even think about wearing them around me.) He explained to me that to him, diapers were a security thing as well as a sexual thing, though he was NOT into the AB ordeal whatsoever.

Words cannot describe the way I felt that night when he was telling me all this. I had never heard of such a fetish before in my life, and I was scared, shocked, angry, disgusted, freaked out... but most of all I was disappointed. Disappointed that this "perfect man" had such a huge skeleton in the closet - such a weird, freaky side.

(Now keep in mind, telling me all this was mortifying to him as well. He is a very decent, religious, respectable and honorable human being. He hates this fetish and is very ashamed of it. He came clean to me about all this because he felt guilty for keeping it a secret from me. NOT because he was looking for acceptance or trying to get me to participate.)

I was completely horrified with the whole thing. Both of us are fairly conservative, religious people who waited until marriage to have sex. The thing about it that hurt me the most is when he admitted to me (after much probing on my part) that he sometimes goes on a certain website (girls-n-diapers.com) with pictures of girls wearing diapers and... well... "get's off" on it. He explained to me that the pictures he looked at are very mild pictures of fully clothed, normal, everyday girls just wearing diapers to be goofy or whatever, and that he doesn't like the more graphic stuff, like the pictures in this (DD) website for example. Though I knew and understood that the pictures he looked at were very mild, it still really hurt me to know that he got off on looking at other women. To me, that's still porn... no matter how "modest" the pictures are.

So anyway, that night was a whole fiasco. I cried, he cried, he apologized profusely, I threatened to break up with him, etc etc. When all was said and done, I forgave him and he promised me that he would never disrespect me by resorting to any type of porn at all, and that he would do whatever it took to get over this whole diaper thing altogether.

So 3 years go by. During the course of those 3 years he swears to me that the fetish is over and that he has not gone back to look at "diaper porn" or any kind of porn whatsoever. We get married this past August. About a week ago he tells me he needs to talk to me and pretty much admits that he's been lying to my face this whole time. He tells me that he has not only continued to wear diapers from time to time (while not around ppl), but that he has also been going back to that girls-n-diapers website to "do his thing," even after we've been married!!

I've been much better about it this time around. I've even offered to let him wear them when he wants (which really isn't too often) and I've been willingly participating with him during foreplay for sex.

However, I am very very hurt and very shocked by the fact that:

a. He's been lying to my face for the past 3 years, and

b. That he's continued resorting to things other than myself for sexual gratification

Mainly it's B that hurts me the most. He has a good job working >40 hours a week, which means I don't have to work that much, so I'm almost always home and available to him whenever he wants. I've never denied him of sex, I'm a physically fit, attractive girl, and I'm almost always around. It hurts that he's been resorting to something other than myself for sexual gratification when I'M ALWAYS HERE! He apologized profusely again and cried and told me how ashamed he was of himself and how he didn't' deserve me and yadda yadda... and of course, he told me that now he was 100% sure that he would never look at diaper pictures again because now I was participating with him, so he "wouldn't want to look at anyone else wearing them ever again."

This may seem like a happy ending and a solution to both our problems, but I am still very very hurt, and I want to understand this whole diaper thing. It makes me feel like I'm not good enough and like I didn't satisfy him enough with just me and my body - like he needed this "thing," this object, to find complete satisfaction. And this is evident in his turning to that stupid website rather than just waiting for me to get home and having sex with me.

I just don't understand it, and maybe a few of you out there could help shed some light??

[TDL]

You obviously hurt him by threatening to break up with him. This attraction to diapers is not something we CHOOSE to have, it is something we always have had. You can't just expect him to stop liking something he's liked for the most of his life. You don't tell someone that's gay to get straight, do you? Now, depending on how serious you take religion, porn is not cheating, as much as you would like it to be. When you are NOT around, he has to get off. It's a natural thing that every human does. So far, it sounds like you're the foolish one, I'm sorry.

A. He's been lying to you because he didn't want to dissatisfy you again. This is something he can't just stop doing, since no one ever has given up on a diaper fetish. They always go back to the usual thing.

B. This happens all of the time. If he wants sex, he can ask you, yes, but what if you're not around? I don't believe that you're always around, as that would be inappropriate. Many people look at porn, and it's just pixels on the screen. Get over it.

Sorry if I sound harsh, but you're disgusting ME right now. Narrow-minded, foolish and stupid people should never have existed on this planet.

[jbz2079]

Firstly Do you understand what a fetish really is?

It's not really something that anyone can switch on or off at will.

Most people who have a fetish, whatever it is can't really explain why they have it, or why it's like a bad itch you eventually need to scratch.

I can understand your feelings on this too, you have no interest in this sort of thing and it probably turns you right off.

The very fact that your husband could trust you enough to tell you of his fetish does prove something, that he cares enough about you and your feeling to at least try and explain what it means to him.

I know one thing, your husband's feelings and want for diapers will never wane, he might be able to suppres his feelings to a certain extent but it will always be in his mind, Yes he may not like his affections in this direction, but it's actually part of his makeup as a person.

How do I know? because I have lived with the same feelings and have done since my early teens.

Betwwen both of you will need to find a compromise otherwise I think you both know where this is leading.

You say he's a totally normal sort of person, most of us are, just we have a slightly different kink to other men, there are far worse things gong on in the world than people who like wearing diapers.

[bignappybo]

Well to start with you knew that he was into diapers long befor you got married so i do not see what your proplem is now with that.

He looks at girls in diapers and what,you say he dose not look at the pictures that are on DD well there not hardcore are the,yes he looks at porn what guy will not,you have been married only a few years i have been married 23yrs andstill look at porn,it dose not mean that i want the women i look at.

And he is wearing diapers is that sutch a real problem,it is not as if he is a mass murderer now then you would have something to worry about,you dont say if he uses the dapers to pee or poop,if he is not and only wearing them you realy dont have anything to worry about,let him do his thing.

[timmyc]

compromise and compassion go a lot further than threats and anger. It is not easy to explain to someone who doesn't understand, most of us have had these feelings most of our lives, and have tried to "be normal" I think the lies were an attempt to protect you from it. Talk to him, set some basic ground rules with what you are comfortable with maybe even play with it a bit. You will never have the same feelings he does but try to be more accepting and less judgmental. I know you don't really get it but it is a part of him that isn't going to just go away. He can explain his own situation better than any of us can. He is ashamed, you don't want to compound that. Just love him good luck hope everything works out for both of you.

[Creepymouse]

For many of us, there was something that caused these feelings, even if we don't know what it is. In my case, I was moved (by divorce) from a loving mother to one who paid very little attention to me. I was the older child and I don't have any memory before I was potty trained, probably around the time my sister was born.

Anyway, since I spent most of my childhood in a protective, but non-nurturing home, I now long to be cuddled, taken care of, even breastfed, beyond just the diapers. It's a coping mechanism.

Some men drink themselves to death, or smoke, or gamble...we just want to be little.

[Shizneb]

You obviously hurt him by threatening to break up with him. This attraction to diapers is not something we CHOOSE to have, it is something we always have had. You can't just expect him to stop liking something he's liked for the most of his life. You don't tell someone that's gay to get straight, do you? Now, depending on how serious you take religion, porn is not cheating, as much as you would like it to be. When you are NOT around, he has to get off. It's a natural thing that every human does. So far, it sounds like you're the foolish one, I'm sorry.

A. He's been lying to you because he didn't want to dissatisfy you again. This is something he can't just stop doing, since no one ever has given up on a diaper fetish. They always go back to the usual thing.

B. This happens all of the time. If he wants sex, he can ask you, yes, but what if you're not around? I don't believe that you're always around, as that would be inappropriate. Many people look at porn, and it's just pixels on the screen. Get over it.

Sorry if I sound harsh, but you're disgusting ME right now. Narrow-minded, foolish and stupid people should never have existed on this planet.

I didn't threaten to break up with him for having the fetish..., as I know he can't help that, I threatened to break up with him because of the "diaper porn" thing he kept looking at. Perhaps YOU'RE the one being narrow minded? I get that in this day and age porn is ok and accepted, but him and I were both raised differently than that, and it is an understanding that porn is a huge offense to the other partner. It's our religion, it's the way we were brought up and we both feel this way.

As far as me being around goes, honestly, the only time he's ever home alone is maybe once or twice a week for one or two hours at best. And when I come home from work, it's not like I'm busy or anything. I come home and spend time with him. When I say I'm always available, I really do mean I'm always available.

[Shizneb]

Firstly Do you understand what a fetish really is?

It's not really something that anyone can switch on or off at will.

Most people who have a fetish, whatever it is can't really explain why they have it, or why it's like a bad itch you eventually need to scratch.

I can understand your feelings on this too, you have no interest in this sort of thing and it probably turns you right off.

The very fact that your husband could trust you enough to tell you of his fetish does prove something, that he cares enough about you and your feeling to at least try and explain what it means to him.

I know one thing, your husband's feelings and want for diapers will never wane, he might be able to suppres his feelings to a certain extent but it will always be in his mind, Yes he may not like his affections in this direction, but it's actually part of his makeup as a person.

How do I know? because I have lived with the same feelings and have done since my early teens.

Betwwen both of you will need to find a compromise otherwise I think you both know where this is leading.

You say he's a totally normal sort of person, most of us are, just we have a slightly different kink to other men, there are far worse things gong on in the world than people who like wearing diapers.

Thank you for the kind reply. We do have a compromise... as I said, I offered to participate with him, and I have done so. I accept it now and I accept that this is something that will never change. However, I'm just hurt about the fact that he's lied to me for so long and that he had been getting off on pictures of other women while I've always been here and available. He says he'll stop the practice now, because now I'm willing to participate, but I'm still just very hurt, that's all.

I guess I just want to understand why/how this certain object is sooo important that my body can't be enough.

[BBB]

First off, please let me apologize. For a group of people who yearn for acceptance from the mainstream public, sometimes we forget that we should also consider their views as carefully as we hope they consider ours. And read things with open minds and hearts.

From my readings of your post, the concerns you have aren't specifically about diapers. In fact, diapers aren't critical to your concern at all.

You seem to be much more upset about the fact that your husband has chosen to masturbate rather than share intimacy with you? And that a portion of his masturbation involves looking at pictures of women that aren't you. I also get the feeling that you would feel the same way whether these women were wearing diapers or not. And finally that he was secretive about it.

I hope that is correct, because much of what I'm about to express about my own relationship is based on that understanding of your posts.

I'm sad to say that I have often behaved as your husband has even though I have a wonderful WONDERFUL accepting girlfriend who would be willing to do anything I'd ask of her. Her own appetite for sexual activities often exceeds my own. Like you, she too despises me looking at pictures of other women regardless of the content.

I can only express my own reasons, (and please understand that your husband's could be very different) but sometimes I feel as if I can't or won't perform to her expectations. She often tells me that she gets satisfaction from just taking care of my needs, but I am self conscious of the short performances that can happen sometimes. And if I am in that mood, I will take the 3 or 4 minutes it would take me to "handle it myself" rather than involve her and deal with the shame of my disappointment. It has little to do with her "sexual availability", and more to do with the fear of being selfish in the bedroom.

As for the pornography... I don't know how to address this. I often read stories rather than look at pictures. I will picture myself in these stories, and in the rare instance of pictures and videos I will imagine the emotions and feelings the people in them are experiencing, and extrapolate those emotions into ideas and scenarios involving myself. I have always told Elaine that she has nothing to worry about when I read stories because at the end of the day, she knows who I am coming home to, and that pictures and stories will never give my life the fulfillment that she does. I hate to sound cliche, or dismissive as your view on this isn't uncommon, but honestly, men like porn, and its a hard habit to break, and can become a functioning part of a fetish.

I can give you a small bit solace, at least your husband has been a big enough man to come to you, and express his guilt. This is a wonderful omen of his willingness to be open and honest with you. Please see the blessing in that and don't hold a grudge. I'm not saying to accept it, but accept his willingness to admit his weaknesses to you.

I wish you the best.

*edit*

I actually logged into a computer to write this rather than use my phone, because I think this topic deserved that amount of attention

[jbz2079]

I guess I just want to understand why/how this certain object is sooo important that my body can't be enough. Quote

You must know that this interest was planted long before you were ever on the scene, it's hard to explain to someone else, but let me try.

When boys reach a certain age their sexual map developes as they reach puberty and intersts that stimulate them sexually become embedded.

That's why they are such a big thing to some of us.

Also to be honest I look at pictures of girls and ladies on the internet not for sexual fantasy but because I like to see females dressed in diapers and plastic pants, It's just another interest, it does not mean he prefers them to you.

I'm glad you can deal with your husbands interest, because it would cause you both recurring problems and to be honest it's not really worth that.

[Shizneb]

First off, please let me apologize. For a group of people who yearn for acceptance from the mainstream public, sometimes we forget that we should also consider their views as carefully as we hope they consider ours. And read things with open minds and hearts.

From my readings of your post, the concerns you have aren't specifically about diapers. In fact, diapers aren't critical to your concern at all.

You seem to be much more upset about the fact that your husband has chosen to masturbate rather than share intimacy with you? And that a portion of his masturbation involves looking at pictures of women that aren't you. I also get the feeling that you would feel the same way whether these women were wearing diapers or not. And finally that he was secretive about it.

I hope that is correct, because much of what I'm about to express about my own relationship is based on that understanding of your posts.

You are absolutely correct. While the diaper thing was a very weird and uncomfortable fetish for me to grasp for a long time, I do accept it now and it honestly doesn't even really bother me. I found out about all this still being an issue for him about 1 week ago, and since then I've participated with him and incorporated it into our sex life when he's in the mood for it, and honestly, I have no problem with it.

You are correct, it's the lying and the "porn" that has really upset me. Especially the porn.

I'm sad to say that I have often behaved as your husband has even though I have a wonderful WONDERFUL accepting girlfriend who would be willing to do anything I'd ask of her. Her own appetite for sexual activities often exceeds my own. Like you, she too despises me looking at pictures of other women regardless of the content.

I can only express my own reasons, (and please understand that your husband's could be very different) but sometimes I feel as if I can't or won't perform to her expectations. She often tells me that she gets satisfaction from just taking care of my needs, but I am self conscious of the short performances that can happen sometimes. And if I am in that mood, I will take the 3 or 4 minutes it would take me to "handle it myself" rather than involve her and deal with the shame of my disappointment. It has little to do with her "sexual availability", and more to do with the fear of being selfish in the bedroom.

As for the pornography... I don't know how to address this. I often read stories rather than look at pictures. I will picture myself in these stories, and in the rare instance of pictures and videos I will imagine the emotions and feelings the people in them are experiencing, and extrapolate those emotions into ideas and scenarios involving myself. I have always told Elaine that she has nothing to worry about when I read stories because at the end of the day, she knows who I am coming home to, and that pictures and stories will never give my life the fulfillment that she does. I hate to sound cliche, or dismissive as your view on this isn't uncommon, but honestly, men like porn, and its a hard habit to break, and can become a functioning part of a fetish.

I can give you a small bit solace, at least your husband has been a big enough man to come to you, and express his guilt. This is a wonderful omen of his willingness to be open and honest with you. Please see the blessing in that and don't hold a grudge. I'm not saying to accept it, but accept his willingness to admit his weaknesses to you.

I wish you the best.

Thank you for taking the time to write me this reply and for being kind to me. I do appreciate it very much. Like I said, in mine and my husbands religion and the way we were brought up, porn is a huge no no. The "porn" he looks at are very very mild pictures of normal, fully dressed girls goofing around with diapers. (Example: http://good-times.webshots.com/photo/1487501269077086711JVEZJa) I've seen the pictures and they really aren't bad at all, which I am thankful for, but it is still considered porn because of their purpose to him.

I hope you are incorrect about "some men just liking porn," in regards to my husband. The only type of "porn" he looks at is this mild diaper stuff. He tells me now that since I just recently started participating in his fetish, he will no longer have a desire to fill that void by looking at it. It's only been a week so I can only hope this is the case.

Nonetheless, I wish I could understand WHY my body and my lovemaking weren't enough to satisfy him... WHY he still needed the diaper aspect of it, so much so that he'd resort to pictures of other woman before I participated

[Shizneb]

You must know that this interest was planted long before you were ever on the scene, it's hard to explain to someone else, but let me try.

When boys reach a certain age their sexual map developes as they reach puberty and intersts that stimulate them sexually become embedded.

That's why they are such a big thing to some of us.

Hmm... yes I can see some logic in that. Thanks for the info.

[BBB]

Nonetheless, I wish I could understand WHY my body and my lovemaking weren't enough to satisfy him... WHY he still needed the diaper aspect of it, so much so that he'd resort to pictures of other woman before I participated

I don't know why I didn't see these statements earlier. They're actually an important part to this discussion.

Perhaps if you took a different perspective on the situation you might understand it differently....

Water is great for us, it nourishes our body and is essential for life, but we love our Juices, a Soda, coffee, or Beer. All of them valuable in their own right, because each one is a different sensation. But none of them can be made without water.

Your body is like the water of your husband's life; It gives him all the things he needs, The other interests are just flavors that he wants.

And I'm sure he's not actively and consciously choosing these things over you. For a healthy well-being, you can't believe in those things. Its all a very primal part of the brain.

With your new participation, I'm sure you will see many changes in your husband's habit.

btw, don't always wait for him to be in the mood, sometimes its amazing when some one else decides to put us in the mood. Being sporadic, rather than routine will go a long way for keeping your partner on his toes. And sure it will seem awkward for the time being, and that is only because these things are new and uncertain to you.

[Shizneb]

In my case, I was moved (by divorce) from a loving mother to one who paid very little attention to me. I was the older child and I don't have any memory before I was potty trained, probably around the time my sister was born.

Anyway, since I spent most of my childhood in a protective, but non-nurturing home, I now long to be cuddled, taken care of, even breastfed, beyond just the diapers. It's a coping mechanism.

This is so sad! : (

My husband has tried very hard to make sense of his liking to diapers, to no avail.

At least you know and understand why you feel the way you do...

[Creepymouse]

Nonetheless, I wish I could understand WHY my body and my lovemaking weren't enough to satisfy him... WHY he still needed the diaper aspect of it

BBB made a few great points, but I'd like to also add my 2 cents. My lovely wife is aware of every aspect of my interests and desires. Sometimes, they aren't exactly what she likes, but she has desires I don't totally reciprocate as well.

You might also look at it from another point of view: Most women don't respond well to the modern-male equivalent of "Tarzan want sex." I doubt that the act of sex alone is enough to satisfy you, most women struggle to even enjoy it if their emotional needs aren't met. Likewise, your lovemaking might be ESSENTIAL, but not the entirety of what he needs. There's a reason that ordinary sex is often referred to as "vanilla". Vanilla ice cream is great, but most people enjoy many flavors, and even combine them in many different ways. Variety is wonderful.

I personally struggle with the feeling that I shouldn't enjoy photos and stories of other women, though I also have a strong desire for that at times. My wife says "I'd be disappointed if you DIDN'T look, 'cause then you'd be dead." I myself don't pull up a page full of pictures just to get my rocks off, so to speak, to tell the truth they don't even usually turn me on! (Even though some I do consider to be awe inspiringly beautiful) I don't imagine being with them, or compare my wife with them, they're just nice to look at. Thankfully, she understands and doesn't mind. She occasionally likes to look at the photos I decided to save, because I liked them best. I love her reactions when she does this, pointing out her favorites, and those that she doesn't like so much.

I'm not trying to convince you that it's okay, I have hard enough time convincing myself of that. But it isn't because you are inadequate. Likely, he had needs that he wanted to protect you from, and that was all he could do.

[Shizneb]

Water is great for us, it nourishes our body and is essential for life, but we love our Juices, a Soda, coffee, or Beer. All of them valuable in their own right, because each one is a different sensation. But none of them can be made without water.

Your body is like the water of your husband's life; It gives him all the things he needs, The other interests are just flavors that he wants.

And I'm sure he's not actively and consciously choosing these things over you. For a healthy well-being, you can't believe in those things. Its all a very primal part of the brain.

Sigh... I wish I could be all those things for him when it came to sex. He is all those things to me, and I never feel like I need to resort to someone else's pictures, etc...

With your new participation, I'm sure you will see many changes in your husband's habit.

I agree. I am hopeful that now that I participate he will stop browsing pictures of other women. I texted him at work just now asking him how certain he is that this habit will stop now that I participate, and his exact texted words are "I'm very certain. It's not anything to me anymore. It's about as enticing as AIDS. I don't like it, I'm not interested in it, and I don't want anything to do with it anymore. I hate it. It's stupid."

So I am keeping my fingers crossed. I don't work hard to keep myself in shape and attractive for nothin!

btw, don't always wait for him to be in the mood, sometimes its amazing when some one else decides to put us in the mood. Being sporadic, rather than routine will go a long way for keeping your partner on his toes. And sure it will seem awkward for the time being, and that is only because these things are new and uncertain to you.

Haha, yes I've been getting more into that. I showed up to visit him at work yesterday with one on under my clothes, and this morning I suggested we both get in the shower with them on. (We always shower together)

Thank you for the great advice. You all are good people and you have been very helpful to me.

[jbz2079]

I'm glad that mostly people have been courtious and helpful to you and your questions.

This community reflects life it'self in that most people that come in here are nice decent ordinary people, but like everywhere else you occasionally get

rude or people with an axe to grind.

I'm glad that you think we have helped and almost proud of the honest and mostly helpful answers you got.

Best of luck to you and your husband for the future- JBZ.

[DL88]

I've posted pages of help for stuff like this before so normally I stay away because I am "burnt out" but I'll give you my advice. I am going to be very honest with you and I'm going to make it quick.

#1. He lied, that is all on him, it was wrong; However, relationships can only exist on a foundation of honesty, otherwise it will crumble. While yes he lied, he also told you the truth. You really should appreciate this because, especially in Today's materialistic driven society, husbands and/or wives will cheat and do whatever they want and not give a damn about their significant other. He told you because obviously he felt bad enough about it that he didn't want this to set precedent in an early budding marriage which leads to number 2.

#2. You are his wife, he loves you, if he did not care about you he would not have told you. This community is EXTREMELY private and if you've read threads on the DD forums, you know we look down on people blatently going out of their way to flaunt this lifestyle infront of people. When we tell someone, that means right away that we care deeply (even if not in a romantic sense) for that person and we want them to have greater stake in our lives. It is not something we trivialize, it is not something we want people to know about, it is not something we frankly wish to share with others. So the fact that he came out about it to you not once, but TWICE after he KNEW he was lying and wanted to make things right with you. He put his neck in the guillotine knowing your hand is on the rope.

That being said.

#3. All men and women look or have looked at some form of porn depending on your definition. This is a fact of life. You know Victorias Secret commercials? That is a form of very light soft porn.

Now I know you are questioning where I am coming from in my perception so I will explain. I am a conservative with very libertarian leanings as far as government goes, I am Catholic, my family is a very military family and I too will probably join up at some point in the next couple of years. In 2008 on these forums, I threw a great share of venom around at people, who frankly, I am amazed some of them participate in threads with me anymore. I think we might have some views from along the same processes eh?

#4. The Lifestyle Root. I only sometimes call it a fetish anymore because after doing a lot of searching and deep thought I have discovered a few things about what it is that we do. The cause it different for all of us, some of us were abused as children, some of us had a storybook type comfortable childhood, some (including me) think there are some possible genetic links at play. The root cause is different for everyone but one thing is for certain, the desires are so deeply rooted in our being, to 'tear' it out of us, for many, would quite literally change our personalities. Unlike many of the other "fetishes" we don't just like to do it, it is part of who we are. I like to compare it (for myself) to the Showtime show character Dexter and his "dark passenger." I can delay it, I can keep it tame for a while, but after awhile it is something I have to do. It is the same for many of us. We all wear for different reasons, from coping mechanism for a medical issue, to people like me who have to for some unbeknownst reason.

#5. Perception. As a community we all suffer from the overly negative perception continually flamed by people losing a bet, certifiably insane and sick people, and assholes who get off on the attention. 98% of us are decent, hard working, responsible, good-willed adults. Of course there are and will always be people who lose themselves and it consumes them no matter what it is; however, because of the negatively laden perception of what it is we do, we all get catagorized with the people you see Chris Hanson confronting.

#6. Is he sexually attracted to diapers more than you. I know this question has crossed your mind and I can absolutely tell you with 100% certainty the answer is No. From what you have explained in what you have typed combined with just basic long thought, observation, and 1st hand experience, you are the #1. When you have kids, they will be his #1. I assure you this part of him, is just that, part of him, he can only gain so much from it, it is NOTHING compared to you. Diapers are absolutely no substitute for companionship and basic human touch. You satisfy him. In the future when you're older you guys might need to bring in some spice but right now just having you is more than enough. You really have other things in life to use brain space on instead of thinking about this question which is out of the question.

#7. Children. I assure you that this community is one of the most anti-pedo communities you will find out there. This Lifestyle has absolutely nothing to do with kids in any way shape or form. When you two have kids I can guarentee you he will do everything possible to make sure he can just about go to his grave without them being the wiser.

I'm going to end it here because I'm tired and bed is calling. I know I have probably forgotten some key issue that you would like input on, just let me know and I will be more than happy to inform you to the best of my knowledge.

Happy Trails,

DL88

[Puer Aeternus]

Well its a little late now but have you ever asked your husband 'why do you look at porn'? or something similar, preferably more tactful. I ask not to be a jerk but sometimes in the confusion of emotions the simplest questions are the ones that are never asked. No one can give you a better insight than your own husband, this forum can only provide better questions to ask.

And you are not alone in this situation a quick google of 'why does my husband look at porn' brings close to a million different pages.

[Dill_Pickle]

Wow...little I can say except that if I don't do something with diapers, it pops out from the seams. I think that describes your hubby. My shrinks dismissed that as my least important problem long ago. I assure you, I love my wife.

My wife doesn't like the diapers (drunken ex-husband soaking the bed), but the agreement is that I keep them out of her consciousness. In your case, I think that you might want to make him wear diapers all the time for a bit, and not let him not wear diapers or use the bathroom regular style. I don't know what to do about the porn and the lying, but that he is coming clean with you indicates that you are more important to him than anything. I can't think of a good penance, except perhaps for him to stay off the net for a bit, unless you are with him or doing it for him. And I doubt you feel safe enough to approach your minister, but getting some outside help in the form of a marriage or sex counselor is certainly an option, and it makes the seriousness of your (quite legitimate) feelings of being hurt clear. You are going to need to find boundaries you can live with.

As the others say, we are people first, just with a peculiar itch that periodically must be scratched. Good luck in your journey.

[Shizneb]

I've posted pages of help for stuff like this before so normally I stay away because I am "burnt out" but I'll give you my advice. I am going to be very honest with you and I'm going to make it quick.

#1. He lied, that is all on him, it was wrong; However, relationships can only exist on a foundation of honesty, otherwise it will crumble. While yes he lied, he also told you the truth. You really should appreciate this because, especially in Today's materialistic driven society, husbands and/or wives will cheat and do whatever they want and not give a damn about their significant other. He told you because obviously he felt bad enough about it that he didn't want this to set precedent in an early budding marriage which leads to number 2.

#2. You are his wife, he loves you, if he did not care about you he would not have told you. This community is EXTREMELY private and if you've read threads on the DD forums, you know we look down on people blatently going out of their way to flaunt this lifestyle infront of people. When we tell someone, that means right away that we care deeply (even if not in a romantic sense) for that person and we want them to have greater stake in our lives. It is not something we trivialize, it is not something we want people to know about, it is not something we frankly wish to share with others. So the fact that he came out about it to you not once, but TWICE after he KNEW he was lying and wanted to make things right with you. He put his neck in the guillotine knowing your hand is on the rope.

That being said.

#3. All men and women look or have looked at some form of porn depending on your definition. This is a fact of life. You know Victorias Secret commercials? That is a form of very light soft porn.

Now I know you are questioning where I am coming from in my perception so I will explain. I am a conservative with very libertarian leanings as far as government goes, I am Catholic, my family is a very military family and I too will probably join up at some point in the next couple of years. In 2008 on these forums, I threw a great share of venom around at people, who frankly, I am amazed some of them participate in threads with me anymore. I think we might have some views from along the same processes eh?

#4. The Lifestyle Root. I only sometimes call it a fetish anymore because after doing a lot of searching and deep thought I have discovered a few things about what it is that we do. The cause it different for all of us, some of us were abused as children, some of us had a storybook type comfortable childhood, some (including me) think there are some possible genetic links at play. The root cause is different for everyone but one thing is for certain, the desires are so deeply rooted in our being, to 'tear' it out of us, for many, would quite literally change our personalities. Unlike many of the other "fetishes" we don't just like to do it, it is part of who we are. I like to compare it (for myself) to the Showtime show character Dexter and his "dark passenger." I can delay it, I can keep it tame for a while, but after awhile it is something I have to do. It is the same for many of us. We all wear for different reasons, from coping mechanism for a medical issue, to people like me who have to for some unbeknownst reason.

#5. Perception. As a community we all suffer from the overly negative perception continually flamed by people losing a bet, certifiably insane and sick people, and assholes who get off on the attention. 98% of us are decent, hard working, responsible, good-willed adults. Of course there are and will always be people who lose themselves and it consumes them no matter what it is; however, because of the negatively laden perception of what it is we do, we all get catagorized with the people you see Chris Hanson confronting.

#6. Is he sexually attracted to diapers more than you. I know this question has crossed your mind and I can absolutely tell you with 100% certainty the answer is No. From what you have explained in what you have typed combined with just basic long thought, observation, and 1st hand experience, you are the #1. When you have kids, they will be his #1. I assure you this part of him, is just that, part of him, he can only gain so much from it, it is NOTHING compared to you. Diapers are absolutely no substitute for companionship and basic human touch. You satisfy him. In the future when you're older you guys might need to bring in some spice but right now just having you is more than enough. You really have other things in life to use brain space on instead of thinking about this question which is out of the question.

#7. Children. I assure you that this community is one of the most anti-pedo communities you will find out there. This Lifestyle has absolutely nothing to do with kids in any way shape or form. When you two have kids I can guarentee you he will do everything possible to make sure he can just about go to his grave without them being the wiser.

I'm going to end it here because I'm tired and bed is calling. I know I have probably forgotten some key issue that you would like input on, just let me know and I will be more than happy to inform you to the best of my knowledge.

Happy Trails,

DL88

Wow... great post! Thanks a bunch, buddy - for taking the time to write me all that. Good info!

[Shizneb]

Well its a little late now but have you ever asked your husband 'why do you look at porn'? or something similar, preferably more tactful. I ask not to be a jerk but sometimes in the confusion of emotions the simplest questions are the ones that are never asked. No one can give you a better insight than your own husband, this forum can only provide better questions to ask.

And you are not alone in this situation a quick google of 'why does my husband look at porn' brings close to a million different pages.

Well up until several days ago, he was still telling me that the fetish had gone away completely and keeping all this in the dark. It wasn't till recently that he came clean about all this and told me that it was still a fetish and still an issue for him. He doesn't look at "regular" porn... just some very mild pictures of girls wearing diapers. He looked at it bc he had no other way of satisfying that fetish. He couldn't wear them because we just recently got married in August and he was keeping it all a secret, and he couldn't talk to me about it either. So looking at those pictures was the only way he could satisfy that part of him I guess. But now that he finally came clean and I told him I'd participate, he's saying he won't look at them anymore. He's very ashamed of it, and hates it. He only looked bc he felt as though that's all he could do - which it was for a long time.

I'm still upset about it though, but I'm hoping it will stop now, like he says it will.

[tcc]

This forum is pretty intriguing since the partner WAS told about the "leanings" before marriage. The porn aspect - albeit diaper porn or "soft porn" - tells me that there was something missing, some itch that was not being scratched, some need - probably diaper-related - that wasn't being met.

Denial doesn't make anything go away. Within that denial is the false hope and belief that the "lies" being perpetrated were not being told, and that all was well. So, it's very easy to cast blame on his actions for her "hurt". It's a matter of perception, to be sure.

You were married - you said you would, and he did too - so there was some sort of emotional and spiritual committment. It's good that, in just FOUR days - from the 1st post to the last one...), the whole situation turned around.

As far as the porn, what kind of porn was he looking at? Not naked young women with big boobs. Not women or couples engaging in sexual acts. He was looking at adult women, wearing diapers - bare chested or not, which for most DLs or ABs has very little importance in the "scenes" - doing AB or DL things. It was more the IDEA of the scenes and perhaps he was even putting YOU in that situation, turned on by the situation and the "model" - YOU!

I find a diapered adult woman - paid professional model or an "amateur" offering "candid" diaper photos of herself - far more sexy than any Playboy or Penthouse centerfold on earth. That's me. And, my wife, knowing how much SHE turns me on, is not threatened by mere photos of partially clad women - clad in diapers, especially! She's threatened by real-life women from my past, who still might be interested in me, though she doesn't need to be - I committed to HER, and I value my committment!

The bottom-line is, and courses in and out of many threads, that it's only diapers! Absorbent underwear. A tactile-sensation prop that is an affectation, an addiction, a fetish, for far more(at least recognized that way by "authorities") males than for females. Diapers are a widely accepted product, with a huge market, that are neither illegal, immoral nor fattening!

If you can get over your hurt, not take anything personally, get more informations, and if you can be willing, continue your exploration. And, if you find something you're uncomfortable with(more, anyway), discuss it - even if he is uncomfortable with it - in a calm, non-threatening, non-accusatory way and tone. If you have a question, and it's an issue, maybe HE needs to be more up-front and be willing to vocalize with and to YOU, about the situation. If he can't explain himself, he can't very well explain something to you, and maybe HE needs to do some additional personal inventory.

You've come a long way. But, what most partners who have taken things personally and have been "hurt" need to learn is that an open-mind can sometimes lead to a special bond between a couple that no other couple, or each partner with some other partner, could have! You make lemonade from lemons or you let the lemon sour you for life. You have to decide what direction you care to take.

[LILJIM]

You are correct, it's the lying and the "porn" that has really upset me. Especially the porn.

Nonetheless, I wish I could understand WHY my body and my lovemaking weren't enough to satisfy him... WHY he still needed the diaper aspect of it, so much so that he'd resort to pictures of other woman before I participated

My 2 cents:You did say he said he would quit. He may have had every thought of doing so.(Many here have tried to quit too!! me too!!) But our old habits came back. For me like on the Little Rascalls I told the Devil to get behind me. BUT then he pushed!!! The porn part might just have been a way to sattisfy the urge without you knowing "How weak he was!"not going cold-turkey. (I've been there) But because of the love he has for you the quilt sat in; & he had to tell you. Glad to hear you both are working it out. One thing to think about Which is better (a) he told you or ( you found out by walking in on him.???

[diapertime42]

One thing that spouses or partners often ask is "Why the attraction to diapers???"

Some think that we are some kinda pervs. Many people feel that our "Sexual Interests"

are formed in puberty or early teens. Yet I think some things are "Anchored" in us

much earlier.

In my case, I found a pair of plastic baby pants at a relatives' house when I was

5 years old. (I had no siblings so we didn't have baby things around our house.)

I still remember rubbing my hands over them, the feel, the smell, etc. I was HOOKED!

I snuck them into the bathroom and tried them on. WOW! it felt fantastic!

Now I think most of us would agree that a 5 year old has no clue about sex, fetishes,

porn or masterbation. I know I sure didn't, not at age 5!!! But still, that was the

beginning of my lifetime interest in diapers, plastic pants, etc...

Do I know why? Nope....

Have I ever tried to suppress it? Yup. Several times.

It's never worked longer than a few months.

Search this board using the term "Binge and purge". You'll see many have tried. Most fail.

So if you can accept it, all the better. It's part of him, just like an arm or leg.