Spouse Acceptance

[BriGuy]

You can't go back and change it but you shouldn't have married her, your spouse has to accept all of you. I learned that in my first marriage. Now you're relegated to hiding a part of who you are or dealing with the cold shoulder. There is no making someone accept something they don't want to accept.

[curiositykilledthecat]

Women just suck!!!!!!(j/k) And my comment is in no way shape or form remotely bitter over a past relationship...nope not at all.

Jokes aside, women do marry with the idea that they can turn the man into who they want him to be rather than for who he already is. This logic is well not logical and completely retarded. As guys we marry assuming she'll never age, gain weight or change how she thinks. that is not fair either. Unrealistic expectations cause problems. If your wife is not into the ab/dl scene then you have to drop it. You cannot force someone into the scene and expect it to end well.

Be respectful of her wants and needs and she'll return the favor. It already seems that she tolerates your wearing. If you back off a bit she may be less inclinced to go into uber bitch mode when you wear around her. For now stop pushing the issue with her.

[sarah_ab]

well i WILL never age... gain weight... or change how i am... why mess with perfection!!!!

[Hasen]

Be respectful of her wants and needs and she'll return the favor. It already seems that she tolerates your wearing. If you back off a bit she may be less inclinced to go into uber bitch mode when you wear around her. For now stop pushing the issue with her.

I though I said I was doing that but this thread hasn't ended.

I know how some peeps can be sceptical. But I think I got a good thing going here. She has been more accepting at times (got her in them once). Be it a bit slow but I got a ton of time left before I bite the dust. Like I said I was being overly push as I came back from a dry spel.

Im really more worried about how I'm going to handel our kids. I can't wait to be a dad. Hopefully better then my own.

[Diapers4Me]

Interesting thread. My wife tolerates my wearing diapers whenever I want. She has asked me on occasion if I love the diapers more than I love her. I always say that isn't a fair question - and ask her, does she love air more than me? I was very careful to tell my fiance about my fetish before we got married, and that my desire for diapers was NEVER going to go away, and in fact, I would always hope that she would at some point join me to some degree in indulging my fetish.

I can't imagine being in the situation of the OP - essentially having to hide who I am....I would ask for a divorce right away if this was my situation. But this is my perspective, and everyone is different. Everyone's level of attraction to this fetish is different, and perhaps the OP is fine with a limited exposure to the fetish?

I recently went through some training on communication called "Crutial Conversations" - some very good advice was given (read the book). Short version....everyone comes pre-disposed to spin their own "story" on every situation, usually/often a negative story. When you discuss just the facts, and remove your "story" from the equation, you keep things neutral. So you might start your discussion with your spouse with "it seems like you are upset when you notice I am wearing a diaper? Am I reading that right?" and then shut up and let her talk....and I mean do not speak....listen, and let her go on until she is done. Then you need to let her know how this makes you feel.

Good luck....and work at it. As many have said, marriage isn't a cake walk. But I do suspect like others that she will never embrace your fetish in any way, and will always resent your wearing diapers. My wife very literally tolerates my wearing diapers, and even though I've asked her to, on occasion, simply pat my diapered butt, she can't even do that. So I live my diapered life, and enjoy my marriage, and diapers don't come between us, I just resign myself to knowing this is the best this marriage will get, and am ok with it.

However, I have often wondered if I wouldn't be a TON happier if I had married someone who would satify my more....but that is my choice.....nd I live with it.

[Jen Harris]

Again, I don't think she thinks you're a pedophile, or she wouldn't have married you. Having said that, it's still likely to be about the kids. First of all, if a woman doesn't want to see you wearing a diaper, it's because it completely turns her off, which it does because she likes a manly man. Diapered, you are anything but manly. You are either a baby, or a very old man in a nursing home, in her eyes.

My gf has been consistent in this opinion. Actually, she says it reminds her of a physically/mentally handicapped person. Given her opinion on my cross-dressing (which she is more into than I am, I'm not kidding), manly man is... still important! She needs to see a man in the daytime to provide her love and support.

Believe it or not, I've found myself comfortable with wearing at work, and changing before I go home. I have a diaper buddy to talk about being diapered with... She never has to be around me being diapered, and I can be who I need to be. It seems win/win to me, but I have to make sure she's okay with me talking to others about it...

In my case I am willing to accept DADT, but I don't want a discharge if someone walks in on me, so to speak. If she walks in while I'm on the computer and see's this site, or sees someone saying "are you going to wear your diapers tomorrow?" in a chat window - that might be a turnoff, and is something I want to avoid, but I have to know that she wouldn't break up with me over that.

[Toddler Pampers]

Now is your chance to divorce her, before you have kids. You need to make up your mind right now if you can completely leave her alone when it comes to you wearing diapers for pleasure. This isn't to say that she is, and always will be, at a place where she doesn't want to be reminded, but maybe she is, and you should make your decision in the context of the worst case scenario, and only rarely reintroduce the subject.

My advice would be to put her first, you second, be good with her tolerating what most women would run from, develop and emphasize common interests, and quit with the thinking that you got her in them once, so what's changed? She has, and it's because kids are coming, or something else, it really doesn't matter. I absolutely agree with that trite saying people have posted. You need to adjust your expectations or you will drive yourself nuts and be in an unhappy relationship, or out of it altogether. Your choice. She's made hers.

Last word. Done.

[lil1inlongbeach]

You need to talk to her in a neutral tone over this subject. You may not be able to wear diapers in her presence. She might be able to tell that you are wearing. There might need to be a compromise of some kind like only wearing when she's not home type of thing. You're going to have work things out with her. I don't think she was being honest with being ok with your fetish as her attitude/actions aren't receptive to your diaper wearing. You need to tell her to be honest over it and ask her about her true feelings on the subject. Listen to what she says as men have a tendency to not listen to us ladies when we vent. She might need to vent over it. You might consider one of the Mars/Venus books to read together. This will help you both understand how the other sex is wired brain wise and how they see the world. Good luck!

[tcc]

I have to jump in here again. The die is cast. The options are set.

If you want to enjoy what you enjoy, you are going to have to figure out HOW to do it secretly, by yourself. You have been told what is with your wife and what she doesn't want. Hear it. Listen to it. Accept it. It is NOT going to change, and neither is SHE.

This is the issue time and time again, even WHEN the "revelation" has been made before marriage. Things, situations and attitudes change. And, once the ring is on the finger, it's not usually for the better. Once the vows have been spoken, in most cases, a long leash gets reeled in little by little. Unless a husband chooses to dig in, and force some sort of concession, it is HE that is going to have to give things up, and back down.

There have been a plethora of suggestions offered and hopes extended. What WAS agreed upon often goes by the wayside, with all kinds of excuses WHY that's so.

Unless you can get some concessions from your wife, there will be none freely and willingly extended to you. That's life and the way it IS. However, good luck...

[timmyc]

That was on Dr. Oz the other day....

I heard it, probably 10 years ago but it seems to fit

[Toddler Pampers]

I have to jump in here again. The die is cast. The options are set.

If you want to enjoy what you enjoy, you are going to have to figure out HOW to do it secretly, by yourself. You have been told what is with your wife and what she doesn't want. Hear it. Listen to it. Accept it. It is NOT going to change, and neither is SHE.

This is the issue time and time again, even WHEN the "revelation" has been made before marriage. Things, situations and attitudes change. And, once the ring is on the finger, it's not usually for the better. Once the vows have been spoken, in most cases, a long leash gets reeled in little by little. Unless a husband chooses to dig in, and force some sort of concession, it is HE that is going to have to give things up, and back down.

There have been a plethora of suggestions offered and hopes extended. What WAS agreed upon often goes by the wayside, with all kinds of excuses WHY that's so.

Unless you can get some concessions from your wife, there will be none freely and willingly extended to you. That's life and the way it IS. However, good luck...

Totally agree. The OP makes the point that he diapered his wife once. But that was then, and this is now. Fifteen years ago I used to screw my wife diapered (she was). She used to let me breast feed wearing only a diaper (I was). Until a few years ago, she would suck her thumb and a pacifier, even a baby bottle, while I had sex with her (great actress, really felt the part). Now, nothing, unless you count that she knows I still like wearing diapers, and do.

For whatever reason, I'm good with what is. For one thing, my wife makes a ton of $$, but more importantly, we have a fantastic child together who we both put before everything else. We also really like all sorts of things about the other person. What I'm saying is that it is very possible to keep going strongly with a wife who once went along with the requests arising from a diaper fetish, who now doesn't. Not saying it will work out in your case, because it all depends on how much was/is there after you remove being able to involve her in your diaper fetish from the equation.

[LilFozzyJ5]

I had AB feelings since i was 12, but i had no idea what they were, what they were called and even if it was ok to have them. it wasnt until 2 yrs after my marridge that i worked it out, and the first person i told was my wife, i was relieved that i finally knew what it was and it was ok, up to that point i thought i was some kind of sicko. There was no way I was going to tell a living soul about this before then, not even my wife to be.

She did not take it well, and the expected accusations and links to children came up. She said i should haev told her before we got married so she would have had the choice, and i responded by saying i didnt know what it was then, i do no and im telling you the same day as I have found out.

She also said she thought of me as less of a man now. things have never been the same again, but we do love each other and we are still together after 13 yrs. its never easy to tell someone, and you are brave to manage to do so at any time during your relationship. I think we can all understand why so many of us hide our love for nappies.

So many never tell a loved one. I hope that you can both find a happy medium so you can continue to live your lives together, and that you may manage to live without nappies being the centre of everything. it seems that you have already found the neutral ground.

good luck mate

Fozzy

[dl_ashlee]

Seriously, marriage is just evil, basically you are putting a ring on that says she owns you now, lol.

I know there are financial and inheritance reasons, but you can do this also through other legal documents. Doing it this way also tells both parties exactly what they are getting themselves into and avoids the whole I own you mentality.

I haven't had a relationship get to that point yet, but I really see marriage these days as commercial that females have been brain washed to dreaming of having a day that shows the prize fish she has caught, lol.

Ya, so I am just the unconventional type of person, meaning if you love the whole idea of marriage great for you, but it just isn't for me.

[Forced2wet]

Just posted my recent experiences with my OH in the DL forum.

I have to disagree with those who have told the OP that his wife will never change her views on his diapers. I think you have to really know a person to make a judgement like that and our opinions here are only taken from his discription of the situation (And of course our own experiences, but they differ as well)

[Hasen]

Just posted my recent experiences with my OH in the DL forum.

I have to disagree with those who have told the OP that his wife will never change her views on his diapers. I think you have to really know a person to make a judgement like that and our opinions here are only taken from his discription of the situation (And of course our own experiences, but they differ as well)

Thanks for adding some reason. I was beginin to feel like everyone hated my wife for her disagreeing with me over one fight. We generaly have a great relationship. My original post was really a rant.

[LilFozzyJ5]

hasen, i dont hate your wife, if anything you and i are in the same situation, i am a few years down the line mind, but the same.

i hope you can come to some common understanding between you both. as it is obvious you both love one and other.

[WallaWalla]

Marrying her when you knew she wasn't okay with this was a mistake that's going to cause an unimaginable degree of misery and discord in your life. There's not pleasant way around it, you are going to sleep in the bed that you made one way or not. I'm sorry about it, but it's the truth.

[sarah_ab]

idont have your wife... i just think you need to understand your wife doesn't have to ever ever ever like you in diapers, she doens't have to ever be happy with you wearing around her, and when you do wear around her knowing she doesn't like it, she has a right to say something...

when you wear around her, whether she knows at the moment or not, you are intentionally disprespecting her and her wishes.... do you stand 2 inches from her face and fart in it, knowing she doesn't like that?

do you pee all over the toilet seat just before she goes in?

do you leave dirty dishes in the sink and then say "ohhhh i left some dishes for you to do"

things i'm sure she DOESN"T like... so why would u intentionally wear diapers around her if she CLEARY DOES NOT LIKE IT!

seriously.. its selfish.. its rude.. its disrespectful, and i can completely see why she gets pissed off.....

how about you jsut dont wear... at all... ever ... when she is around.. you don't talk about wearing diapers, wanting to wear diapers.. you don't mention it at all... just drop it.....

be the loving husband you claim to be and understand its something she doesn't like and she doesn't ahve to like it... and she may never like it.....

[Hasen]

Folks you addressing way to far into my rant. My wife is generaly almost always awesome. No she doesn't like the diapers to much. We have a system for me wearing. Shoot she got me a babyfur birfday gift. I love her tons and she does me as well.

My original post was a rant. I understand everyone has had different experiances. I was really just meaning to ask how other people experienced similar situations. Please don't talk down to someone you don’t know.

So. I'm still worried about having kids. I dread the day I have to explain to them why I have giant diapers hiden in the closet.

[sarah_ab]

when you post on a discussion board thats what you are going to get... whether you meant it as a rant... all we have to go on is what you tell us, and that is what we are going to respond to... and so by feeding bits and pieces of information AFTER we post doesn't help anyone!!!!

its like dear abby... she'll write all these responses because all she has to go on is what people tell her about the situation... if you don't want people to respond.. create a blog and lock it so people can't respond... otherwise you are going to get thew hole gamet of responses...

or make sure you cover your bases and explain the things your wife does that include your kinks ... because based on your first post it appears you only care about her being ok with u wearing a diapers around her... and thats it... so that is how people are going to respond....

[babylin]

Folks you addressing way to far into my rant.

So. I'm still worried about having kids. I dread the day I have to explain to them why I have giant diapers hiden in the closet.

So do not hide your giant diapers in the closet. I got an army footlocker with strong hasp and combination lock. My kids could never get in to it and I enjoyed my diapers even more when I was sure beforehand that nobody would find out anything. Kids are grown and moved away. As far as I know, wife does NOT know.

The major point is to remember that the wife comes first and your diaper desires can fit in later. Making babies is a great way to get diapers back into your life, if only for a few years. Wife put up with cloth diapers because I still do all the laundry. Make sure you do more than your share of changing diapers and things may go easier.

Happiness Is Wearing Cotton Diapers

[bbj]

i have had a simmilar experience and found what works best for us is that every time i wear, my wife is owed a fantastic foot massage, she loves this type of 'spoil' the most. her spoils are not limited to only the times i wear but it creates a win-win scenario that works for us,not withstanding my particular gross out feeling of touching anybody elses feet! even the times i have 'packed'(our code word) without her awareness i will tell her i owe her a spoil. now if it's been a while since a special spoil she will light heartedly ask if i plan on packing anytime soon.

hope this has been of some help to you

[tcc]

when you post on a discussion board thats what you are going to get... whether you meant it as a rant... all we have to go on is what you tell us, and that is what we are going to respond to... and so by feeding bits and pieces of information AFTER we post doesn't help anyone!!!!

its like dear abby... she'll write all these responses because all she has to go on is what people tell her about the situation... if you don't want people to respond.. create a blog and lock it so people can't respond... otherwise you are going to get thew hole gamet of responses...

or make sure you cover your bases and explain the things your wife does that include your kinks ... because based on your first post it appears you only care about her being ok with u wearing a diapers around her... and thats it... so that is how people are going to respond....

What Sarah has said.

I'm always amazed at the "firestorm" of replies and comments generated at times because of the lack of information provided. There are some darned smart and wise peeps that are members here, with all kinds of information, ideas and wisdom, that can be so helpful and beneficial to others. But, they can't do too much if they don't have all the information to work with.

But, that's the way the forums work here. I normally enjoy them anyway.

And, again, Hasen, best of luck.

[aleyxsis]

Best of luck Hansen I have had 2 long term relationships fail because of diapers .But that doesn't mean i feel that all is lost !and i do not feel sorry for myself ! .The way it seems it can work for you and your wife.Also Don't worry about when you have kids just be the best dad you can it will all work out !