My Bf Is A Dl...Help Me Understand It?

[daisygirl]

my boyfriend of a few months told me last night he was a diaper lover. hes twenty and has had this since he was a little boy. hes not gay or transexual or anything like that, but becase he was afraid how people might react hasnt been close to a girl except me for a while. the last girl he was with and told completely broke his heart and he still hurts from time to time. i dont want to do the same thing to him, especially since i took his virginity and i know hes fallen for me. i love him very much and am kindof confused right now. i dont understand the fetish at all. i mean, im no angel and ive told him some wicked kinky things ive done in past reationships since we decided to start talking about our pasts (threesome, making out with girls, masturbating in front of an ex, striptease, etc) but ive never even heard of anything like this before. hes seen a therapist about it before and even has a myspace account under a fake name so he can connect with other dls and adult babies. he tried explaining it as a comfort thing at first but its more than that. sometimes he has trouble comeing when we get intimate, but i attributed it to nerves sine he so recently lost his virginity and is still relatively inexperienced and very self concious about it. last night after he told me i said i would be supportive and try to understand even though i think its really weird and just seeing the pictures of him in diapers made me really uncomfortable. he asked me to wear a diaper to bed sometime but im kind of reluctant to do that. so can anyone here please help me make sense of it all because i dont want to hurt him and i love him alot but im just so...weirded out by this. and on top of it all hes been there for me when i decided to join the navy and hes one of the few people ive came out to being a bisexual and he doesnt hve a problem with either of it so i want to be there for him in the same way but i just dont know what i should do :/ help?

[Guest little_jonny]

most reason why people are DL or AB is because they felt like their childhood was to fast, their parents made them grow up fast and didnt let them enjoy things as a child, sometimes its cause of abuse from the past, the feeling of it. For some wearing a diaper is like a security blanket and they fee like it keeps them safe. just like sleeping with a teddy bear, their favorite blanket they still had when they were a kid growing up. it's good that you want to understand and be there for him. if your still not to sure, someone can post a link (i for got what its called) that can help those understand this fetish much better and why we enjoy this. it's completely harmless, we arent hurting anyone, we are just being ourselfs and enjoying the feeling of being a kid again. i'm sure some other people can help you out better

[BitterGrey]

First off, I'd like to thank you for being open minded. Telling you what he told you took a lot of courage, and it is great that you are thinking and talking things through. Diaper fetishes are rare, certainly not the sort of thing a girlfriend would be expecting in a relationship. Having questions is OK - it is great that you are asking them. Having reservations is OK - it is great that you are thinking them through.

Now, regarding your questions. Would you like general information on diaper fetishes, or answers to specific questions?

[hidden]

I think the main stigma towards DL is that it isn't main stream. When people learn of something that differs from the norm, the usual stance is to cling to the norm and push away what is different.

Being DL can also bee seen as a varient of wanting to wear panties. It is just another form of underwear. Men that wear panties have their reasons. Those that wear diapers have their reasons as well and are probably not too different than the former.

Being bi could also be seen as unusual to him as well but you have accepted it. Being DL is the same to him. He accepts it but you find it unusual.

Nothing is wrong with either side. Give it time and it may become easier to see his side of it as well.

[Guest padded_husky87]

Well first of all I think its absolutely great that your trying to understand it instead of just brushing him off. Think of your most deepest secret( if you have one) imagine trying to tell somene your close with specially when you know that f you do that they may stomp on your heart and leave you stranded in the gutter. It is berry difficult to not only accept it for yourself but even more tell someone you love. Trust me he cares for you alot If he was willing to tell you. That means he loves you enough not to keep secrets with you. I am 23 and I have never been on a date, never kissed a girl and never been in a relationship because I wad uncomfortable with myself. I have been suicidal In the last week and am still dealing with depresion. I am actually looking for a therapist myself. But the fact there your on here brings some hope to me.

He is the only one who really can explain what it does for him due to the fact that everyone Is dfferent. O can tell you that its 90% a non sexuall thing. That doesn't meen it can't be but if he tells you its not then Its probely not. I can tell you that for me It is a way for me to deal with anxiety and stress. It has a calming affect for me. It is a way for me to relieve pressure and responsibility. That doesnt mean though due to excitement it isn't arousing.

Just remember that its only disposable underwear and doesn't mean be IS a pedafile or anything like that. Think of It as being better then a lot of things. Everyone has there kinks and the fact that he shared it with you means alot. Just talk to him about It so he can feel more comfortable talking with you about it. I hope I was any help and there are a lot of people on here who may be able to help you understand more. I am still going through a hard time myself and it makes me feel good that there is hope. I have turned doen alot of relationships because of my own insacurity and remember out doeent defined him its just a small part of who he is. Hope everything goes well and you guys are stronger for It.

[Vermino]

I think the main stigma towards DL is that it isn't main stream. When people learn of something that differs from the norm, the usual stance is to cling to the norm and push away what is different.

Being DL can also bee seen as a varient of wanting to wear panties. It is just another form of underwear. Men that wear panties have their reasons. Those that wear diapers have their reasons as well and are probably not too different than the former.

Being bi could also be seen as unusual to him as well but you have accepted it. Being DL is the same to him. He accepts it but you find it unusual.

Nothing is wrong with either side. Give it time and it may become easier to see his side of it as well.

+100

you just need to give it time to understand it more. When you hear about something for the first time, you have a total different aspect of what it might be. Try to ask him a question here or there to get him to open up "when did you start wearing them again?" "what makes you like them so much?" etc etc. I stress though that you only ask a few (not 100 questions, I had a girl do it to me - i was very VERY uncomfortable). If you seem interested in knowing more about him then he will open up alot more over time.

He will probably do the same about your lifestyle as well - when two people love each other, they will try to indulge into each other's fantasies.

[Guest Pizaz]

My best advice is to keep the lines of communication open, push him for specific information about what he likes about diapers, and be clear about your boundaries so you're not forced into doing anything you don't want to do. Move slowly.

We all like diapers for different reasons. But I suspect diapers are likely more than just a comfort thing for him--they are a fetish object that he uses to get aroused. For some of us, the mere mention of the word "diaper" gets our blood going, and actually seeing one and putting one on puts us through the roof. I suspect your BF is like that, given his inability to achieve orgasm sometimes during vanilla sex.

Think of the diapers as a kind of sex prop, like handcuffs or a whip, etc. Try incorporating them into your foreplay, however much you are comfortable incorporating them. If you don't want to wear one, that's your perogative, and you need to tell him that. If it grosses you out if he uses one, then tell him that.

Like I said, take it slowly, and keep the lines of communication open. Good luck.

[Gawain]

I don't know how much you already know, or what he's told you, but there are a few things you need to remember.

This is a fetish. That's all. Some people like being tied up, and some people take liking to be tied up to an extreme. The same with people who are into this kind of thing, that doesn't mean it's anything more than something that just turns him on. He shouldn't push you into situations you're not comfortable with, like wearing diapers if you don't want him to or feel uncomfortable with it.

Sometimes, people with fetishes have problem getting off on anything but that fetish. With time, that will more than likely work itself out.

You should talk to him about it. Tell him you're not comfortable with being a part of his fetish. Hopefully he's able to respect that, and you're able to respect the fact that he's into something a bit more kinky than most people.

[Guest Baby-Toa]

Everything said from both hidden and Pizaz. Just don't let yourself be forced into it go slow, ask about it, talk about the reasons why, and always stay open with each other.

that's the best of what i can say after what others have said.

[ppbenn]

First off I want to say thank you for trying to understand your boyfriend, before making a brash decision. I am not able to add more than what has already been said. Take it slow at first and communicate about your preferences as much as possible. I wish the two the best of luck and also good luck with the NAVY. I have family in the military and all military personnel hold a special place in my heart.

[KittenAB]

First step, breath. Second step is to just talk. Each person will think of it differently so you should be asking him what his ideas are, here you will get varying ideas of what's what based on individual opinions while his may be different. There is no easy answer to anything in life, and this is no exception, so you also have to consider your own personal comfort level, as does he, that's the hard part of a relationship when things like this pop up without previous knowledge, you will both have to find your level of comfort and balance. But, and here's the kicker, you may also both change your minds at a later time so you will have to be prepared for that as well.

[XyXy]

There is nothing inherently wrong with your boyfriend. He has a rare fetish, that is all. I suspect that he is similar to many others, insofar as his arousal can be greatly enhanced by diapers. If you love him, and really want to know what to do, may I offer this suggestion? Accept him as he is, and try to get over the "weirdness" of this fetish. It is harmless as far as fetishes go. It is merely a particular type of underwear that provides him with great pleasure by wearing it. It does provide him with comfort, but as you guessed, it is also intimately linked to his sex mapping. What this means is that his sexual difficulties may easily be overcome by incorporating diapers into the play directly, or by suggesting diapers as a reward/punishment during sexual play (and following through with it!). You could think of them as you would any other sex toy that people use to enhance sex play, only for your boyfriend, no other sexual toy will probably ever surpass diapers in increasing his arousal. However, unlike sex toys, he may also find comfort using them outside of sexual play, as many AB/DL's find that it puts them in relaxed states of mind by wearing them. It is a small price to pay for peace of mind. Many require alcohol or tobacco, or some other unhealthy vice to achieve a similar peace, so in a way he is lucky, if he finds this sort of well being by wearing.

Fetishes run deep, and most of us who have one are unable to ever lose it. You have a special boyfriend, honor his uniqueness, and I'm sure that he'll honor you. If you want to understand why, there are many possible explanations, but for a DL (as opposed to an AB), I would suggest looking at the physical explanation. Diapers are soft, thick, warm, secure, and caress the boy's parts, which many find to be very comforting and/or sexually arousing. I believe the simple fact that boy parts stick out from the body explains why so many more boys are into it than girls. There are other reasons of course, but as a DL myself, this one explains the most for me. I'm sure that if a girl who was into this were to answer the why question, perhaps she could better explain other angles.

Personally, I'd decide where you want to go with this, and take the leap if you want to. If you decide to accept his fetish, then you could accustom yourself to it gradually, going only as far with it as you are comfortable. You may find that you're able to explore it more fully as you become used to it, and one day it may not seem weird at all! And, if at any point you ever want to be an instant undeniable sexual turn-on for him, try putting on a diaper, and let him approach you. It may not do anything for you, (or maybe it will?), but it will definitely turn him on and make you the center of his attention! Just try not to act weird or uncomfortable yourself, and think of it as a sex toy that he happens to find irresistible. This way he won't feel self conscious and ruin the moment.

[daisygirl]

first off i would like to say thank you very much to everyone who replied it means alot a its helped me so much. im out of town at the moment but me and my boyfriend usually talk to eachother on the phone each night so i think i will talk to him about it tonight. unless of course hes more comfortable talking in person but sometimes people are more comfortable talking not face to face so ill see what he wants to do. second im doing this on my phone because i have no computer at the moment so i cant specifically look at anyones names while replying (or if infact i can i havent figured out this phone yet...lol) but to the one person who mentioned they were depressed ive had my own struggles with that in the past after my grandpa passed away. i had to see a therapist for it and was diagnosed with bipolar depression. they put me on wellbutrin and seraquil. my mom said i improved and seemed less moody but while i was on the pills i felt different and not myself. after i stopped seeing the therapist but was still on the pills i quit taking the medication. ive been off them a few months and still have downish periods but for the most part feel okay. i just didnt like the idea of taking medication that would change how i behaved, like i felt that something besides myself mightve been influencing my descisions and such. what helps me now thru my bad moments is talking to my closest guy friend, whos also in the military but stationed across the country. sometimes it helps having someone chill just to mouth off to when stuff gets bad. i hope you pull thru and best wishes <3

i get the comfort thing now and he was raised in a different enviroment than i was and even though hes 20 his mom has alot of sway in his life (he still lives at home) and sometimes seems almost terrified to displease her or disobey (coming home a little late, his car smelling like smoke, etc). thats got to be stressful and it was his ma in the first place who made him see the therapist.

mmmm....as far as incorporating it into sex, ive been turning over the idea. maybe ill wear one soon if he continues to have difficulties in bed, id hate to HAVE to do it because he cant get off without it but if he absolutely NEEDS it i dont know if there would be another option. if not, then our aniversary is coming up so i kind of want to suprise him with one,if only just to see his reaction but i still dont know. the whole idea still is kind of new. but if it is harmless then i cant see anything wrong with it besides the initial weirding out. (:

[drnkrdnck]

I have been suicidal In the last week and am still dealing with depresion. I am actually looking for a therapist myself. But the fact there your on here brings some hope to me.

I was depressed for a long time, recently I had many relatives(4 in a couple months) and people close to my die. And there was financial worries and it put me over the edge and I damn near ended it. I don't like to take pills even for a headache and I don't run to the doctor for any little boo boo or sniffle(like some poeple). But that was a wake up call and I went to a doctor to see about getting on some antidepressants. And they have helped tremendously I wish I had done this years ago. So at least go talk to a doctor and tell them what your thinking about and they can help you. Believe me I felt like there was no other option than to end it, but I'm glad I held on and got some help, so please do the same.

[AbriForm]

The best advice I can give is to be open and don't think too deeply about it.

We are thinking about the person in bed with us, *not* our parents, trust me. The maternal aspects of being caring, compassionate, and loving are just things we're looking for a bit more... active participation in our partners.

Most ABDLs do not require diapers in our bedroom antics, though it is greatly appreciated. If your boyfriend can't perform without a diaper, odds are that will fade over time. And, odds are, you will be able to get a grasp on it at the same time too.