Curious About Brother's Behavior

[Knuxie Fawks]

My little brother has been wearing pull-ups to bed for quite some time because he wets the bed. He's 9 years old now, and says that he wakes up, but he just won't get up out of bed to go to the bathroom. What has started to concern me is, this past week, he's pooped himself twice. It's difficult to talk to him one on one as there are normally others around, and he's been known to lie about things that he thinks he might get in trouble over. Has anyone here had a similar situation?

[tris]

Hm. About nine is when my bowel habits changed. Suddenly I didn't feel like using the potty anymore. Or rather, I don't know why, but I would not want to use a toilet other than my own at home. So, I would have trouble holding it, and I'd end up with something bigger than skid marks, but, not enough to call it a 'movement' in my underwear. I guess I didn't really poop my pants, I kinda frosted 'em. . I do remember that it felt strange, but not bad. And of course, you can't hide that from mom. I had doctor visits, threats of going back to diapers, (wanted to say yes, really badly.) and lots of metamucil bars, juice, and mineral oil! Apparently the doctor thought I was constipated because I wasn't allowed to speak for myself during said office appointments. (mom knows best, right?)

Anyway, the root of the problem is in him. Since you're his older brother, (dunno what kinda bond you have, though) he might feel more comfortable talking to another boy about it, instead of a stranger, or mom. See if you can find out what happened in each instance -- did he lose control? Was he just testing boundaries? Just wanted to see what it feels like? Collaborate with mom and make sure it's okay that you intervene in this problem. In these hard times, the last thing a parent wants to do is put their nine year old back in diapers. Not only is it another significant expense, but, it's a struggle they've already been through once, and weren't looking to do it over. And if you feel like some kinda litmus test to see if he's ABDL, tell him that Mom says she's gonna put him in diapers if he has one more accident/continues to happen. Kids suck at lying, in general, and I'm sure you'd be able to tell what his true feelings are. . .

[Angela Bauer]

Modern toilet learning does not consider "being lazy" a factor when there are setbacks, such as experienced by this 9 year old.

Because of the sudden nature of all this it would be prudent for the lad to have a complete medical work-up. The causes of urinary and bowel incontinence are rarely obvious or easy to diagnose. Consequently it is important that qualified physicians, especially urologists with training in juvenile and adolescent, as well as gastroenterologists with similar training, do these exams.

The danger is loss of continence can be a symptom of many very serious medical problems.

[curiositykilledthecat]

kick his ass he'll move.

I meant this a sa joke in case it didn't click

[Nat]

It looks like he has developed a fetish. He enjoys wearing them so he goes in them on purpose and he is just embarrassed to talk about it. Maybe he will open up if you share your fetish with him. I mean tell him your fetish.

[sarah_ab]

i would definitely second the doctors visit,

however if it is found he is purposely doing it

make sure he knows, if he makes the mess he MUST clean it up and in a timely manner so his room and the rest of the house is not smelling like that.

he is at an age where he needs to start learning to take responsibility for his actions

but like i said, this is if there truely is no medical condition

[Knuxie Fawks]

First off, one reason I stopped wearing diapers is because I didn't want my siblings to find out about it. Being lazy should not be ruled out as he would rather roll across the floor than stand up and walk. He would rather sit and try to reach for something than stand up and get it. He's about 150 lbs and only 9! His room is a complete mess.... *sighs* I was quite a bit more disciplined at his age, and I had chores that had to be done everyday or I'd be punished. We're so different, I don't know how well we could connect. According to my mom, he waits to go to the bathroom, sometimes too long, and he doesn't make it. He just doesn't want to stop what he's doing. He wets or messes himself whether he's in a pull-up or not. I just don't know what to do. Coming out about my wearing diapers doesn't seem too reasonable in my position.

[Diaper Lightning]

sounds like laziness up front.

"Bro- You keep messin your pants. Just tell us if you like wearing diapers or if you are just lazy. I don't care either way..."

But I remmeber when I was a kid poopin my pants - I was just literally too busy to go to the potty and I evaluated that my time was better spent on what I was currently doing instead of going to the restroom. = lazy... meh.

[superdiaperbaby]

One of the things my mother thought about me was that I was lazy, even when I told I liked to wear for fun when I was 24. It got to where I would have to say "The only thing I am lazy about is things that don't matter." There is one thing. Does he clean it up or does his parents? If he cleans it up then it definitely isn't laziness because it is way more work to clean up than to go in the potty. Laziness is a possibility if parents clean him up. So are the medical possibilities. There is also a psychological attachment/fixation to diapers that could be the problem. He is too young for a sexual fetish. If a medical evaluation turns up negative and the accidents keep happening I would take him to a therapist. I believe if the psychological reasons are taken care of you could avoid a diaper fetish in the future.

SDB

[olliecub]

For your brother, I'm thinking it's just laziness, I don't think a fetish is involved. However, I don't know your family or your brother, so I can't really say anything final on the subject.

My little brother had a problem with this for a long time (from about the time he was 5 to around 13). He'd do something similar to what Tris was talking about. And my parents treated it much the same way.

So, I would have trouble holding it, and I'd end up with something bigger than skid marks, but, not enough to call it a 'movement' in my underwear. I guess I didn't really poop my pants, I kinda frosted 'em. . I do remember that it felt strange, but not bad. And of course, you can't hide that from mom. I had doctor visits, threats of going back to diapers, (wanted to say yes, really badly.) and lots of metamucil bars, juice, and mineral oil! Apparently the doctor thought I was constipated because I wasn't allowed to speak for myself during said office appointments. (mom knows best, right?)

At first, I think my brother was just being lazy. And trips to the doctor confirmed that. There was nothing medically wrong with him. But my parents started to freak out. They spanked him, they yelled at him, they took away privileges... My mom is OCD and we kept finding little balls of feces all over the house because they fell out of his pants.

After a while, this stopped being laziness and he really couldn't stop. His sphincter was weakened because he would hold his bowel movements for so long; it was leaking out without his consent. My parents took him to several doctors, and they helped strengthen the muscle again. But that didn't stop him from "frosting" his pants.

Finally, my parents got a bright idea and took him to a psychologist. The psychologist diagnosed my brother with encopresis.

Encopresis is involuntary "fecal soiling" in children who have usually already been toilet trained. Children with encopresis often leak stool into their underwear.

The psychologist also diagnosed him with oppositional defiant disorder.

Oppositional defiant disorder is described as an ongoing pattern of disobedient, hostile, and defiant behavior toward authority figures which goes beyond the bounds of normal childhood behavior.

Basically, my brother soiling himself was a control thing. Because my parents had reacted badly to the whole thing, he felt out of control and used his feces as a way of feeling in control. Little kids with the same combination (encopresis and oppositional defiant disorder) will go so far as to smear their feces on walls. Thankfully, my brother wasn't quite that bad.

After counseling and a little hypnosis, the problem cleared up, and he's been skid-mark free for a year.

Basically, the moral of my story is be careful how your family treats this problem. It could get much worse if left untreated.

[rusty pins]

It sounds like he just needs to learn proper behaivior and responsibility. If there are no physical or medical problems that are causing him to poop and wet his pants or pull ups, then it does sound like he is either lazy or doing it on purpose. What really intrests me and gives me a little insite is your comments:

"Being lazy should not be ruled out as he would rather roll across the floor than stand up and walk. He would rather sit and try to reach for something than stand up and get it. He's about 150 lbs and only 9! His room is a complete mess.... "

If he does well in school and with friends and is a normal boy in other aspects, then it sounds like someone just needs to put their foot down and force him to start taking some responsibility at his age. Since he's only 9 years old, he probably hasn't had to do a lot of growing up yet with responsibilities and is used to somewhat being taken care of by his parents. He's just at the age where he needs to start having more and more responsibility and not relying so much on others to do things for him. That's how kids learn and grow. When he starts rolling around on the floor instead of standing up and walking, someone should pick him up by his shoulders and make him walk. Same as sitting to reach for something. He should be taught to stand up and get it the correct way and if he dosn't, someone should move the item he wants out of his reach so he will have to stand up to get it. He should have some chores he is responsible for doing each day or week, and if he dosn't do them then he should have some of his favorite privleges restricted. I'm not saying this to be mean to him, but from what has been said, he just isn't taking responsibility for himself and is being lazy. Maybe he's just trying to see what and how long he can get away with things. If he continues to poop his pants when there is no physical reason to do so, then he should be shown how first, then made to clean up his own messy bottom and pants properly each time.

Now, my comments may not set well with other AB's and some may think that there isn't anything wrong with wanting to wear diapers and use them. That is true for adults who choose this lifestyle, but a 9 year old should not be allowed yet to make that decision for himself. There is too much going on at that age and kids should be guided into growing up and having a normal childhood with being a normal adult the goal. If you don't develop responsibility at early ages, you might tend to be lazy as an adult, forgoing collage and working, sponging off others. I believe it's essential to a kids overall well being and mental health. Once he turns 18 then he can make his own choices. Even at age 14 or 15 if he wants to "experiment" with diapers or poop his pants once in a while in private, I wouldn't condem him for it especially if he is responsible in every other way. At age 9 he shouldn't openly be wearing pull-ups and pooping his pants where his family knows unless there is a medical reason for it. It just sounds like he is being lazy, seeing just what he can get away with and therefor I think he will benifit with some growing up. Being made to take responsibility with some chores and cleaning up his own poopy pants with favorite privieges restricted if he dosn't isn't wrong. It's just good and proper parenting.

I am in favor of Knuxie Fawks talking one on one with him to see whats going on with the pull up pooping, especially since he's had experience himself with using diapers. As the older brother he can have a great influence on his 9 year old sibling and he definatly has concern for his behaviors.

[timmyc]

First off, no I wouldn't mention your own interests to the child, yea talk to him as a big brother, but not as an AB/DL. At 9 I won't say it is a fetish at this point how people respond to it could determine how it plays out over the rest of his life. I think their is a touch of laziness combined with pleasure. I would say it is a phase that he may or may not move beyond. The bigger deal that is made about it, the greater chance it could become a lifelong interest.

[Knuxie Fawks]

For your brother, I'm thinking it's just laziness, I don't think a fetish is involved. However, I don't know your family or your brother, so I can't really say anything final on the subject.

My little brother had a problem with this for a long time (from about the time he was 5 to around 13). He'd do something similar to what Tris was talking about. And my parents treated it much the same way.

At first, I think my brother was just being lazy. And trips to the doctor confirmed that. There was nothing medically wrong with him. But my parents started to freak out. They spanked him, they yelled at him, they took away privileges... My mom is OCD and we kept finding little balls of feces all over the house because they fell out of his pants.

After a while, this stopped being laziness and he really couldn't stop. His sphincter was weakened because he would hold his bowel movements for so long; it was leaking out without his consent. My parents took him to several doctors, and they helped strengthen the muscle again. But that didn't stop him from "frosting" his pants.

Finally, my parents got a bright idea and took him to a psychologist. The psychologist diagnosed my brother with encopresis.

The psychologist also diagnosed him with oppositional defiant disorder.

Basically, my brother soiling himself was a control thing. Because my parents had reacted badly to the whole thing, he felt out of control and used his feces as a way of feeling in control. Little kids with the same combination (encopresis and oppositional defiant disorder) will go so far as to smear their feces on walls. Thankfully, my brother wasn't quite that bad.

After counseling and a little hypnosis, the problem cleared up, and he's been skid-mark free for a year.

Basically, the moral of my story is be careful how your family treats this problem. It could get much worse if left untreated.

That sounds like my half brother. Actually...he was 9 at the time, too. I was 7. He hated to poop on the toilet and refused. He pooped himself and left little turds on the floor as well. I heard things about him throwing things at his mom and becoming violent. (we had different moms, same dad)

[diaperboyMKE]

That sounds like my half brother. Actually...he was 9 at the time, too. I was 7. He hated to poop on the toilet and refused. He pooped himself and left little turds on the floor as well. I heard things about him throwing things at his mom and becoming violent. (we had different moms, same dad)

Humm, could start as laziness and turn into fetish. I started as curiosity, ended up having nice "feelings" down there, associated one with the other, repeated enough times, became fetish.

[Aurelius]

Assume it's accidental at this point. If it persists for some months, or there is some sign he does enjoy it, then you might. He's prepubescent, too, so further reason to doubt that.

[nappyboymids]

If he's 9 years old and already 150lb I wouldn't be worrying about whether he messes his diapers right now, I'd be worried that he might be clinically obese which, to be honest, has potentially far more serious long-term impacts than his toilet habits ...

[Knuxie Fawks]

I was talking to my mom about it today, and she was saying that his dad always did that as well. My brother's response to talking to him about it was "I don't know why I do it." He had messed himself again today while sitting on the couch, playing DS. He got up and I could see the stain on his shorts and shirt where he was sitting on it. I don't know what to do.

[beetle99]

I was talking to my mom about it today, and she was saying that his dad always did that as well. My brother's response to talking to him about it was "I don't know why I do it." He had messed himself again today while sitting on the couch, playing DS. He got up and I could see the stain on his shorts and shirt where he was sitting on it. I don't know what to do.

I think it's time for you and your mom to put him in diapers until you resolve the issue with him. It appears that he will continue to soil in his pants again in the future, and I don't think your mom wants to deal with all the dirty clothes. Diapers are easier to deal with in the long run, as long as your mom place a boundary with him that he has to clean up the mess himself, not your mom or yourself. That might teach him some sort of responsibility and hope it works out for him in the long run where he will stop soiling himself.

Wearing diapers doesn't mean he gets a free pass to soil himself all the time. He's going to have to face the consequences of cleaning up after himself sooner than later.

[curiositykilledthecat]

I was talking to my mom about it today, and she was saying that his dad always did that as well. My brother's response to talking to him about it was "I don't know why I do it." He had messed himself again today while sitting on the couch, playing DS. He got up and I could see the stain on his shorts and shirt where he was sitting on it. I don't know what to do.

Burn the couch? (j/k)

Problem with taking kids to shrinks, they milk it. You don't need to do anything, your parents however need to get off there ass and be a parent. This isn't your responsibility. This shouldn't be your burden to carry.

[Knuxie Fawks]

Burn the couch? (j/k)

Problem with taking kids to shrinks, they milk it. You don't need to do anything, your parents however need to get off there ass and be a parent. This isn't your responsibility. This shouldn't be your burden to carry.

It's his dad....whenever he gets the kids, my brother gets worse. My mom's doing all she can. Parenting 9 year old triplets is no easy job. Their dad is an asshole (that's the nicest word I can think of to describe him).

[Knuxie Fawks]

I think it's time for you and your mom to put him in diapers until you resolve the issue with him. It appears that he will continue to soil in his pants again in the future, and I don't think your mom wants to deal with all the dirty clothes. Diapers are easier to deal with in the long run, as long as your mom place a boundary with him that he has to clean up the mess himself, not your mom or yourself. That might teach him some sort of responsibility and hope it works out for him in the long run where he will stop soiling himself.

Wearing diapers doesn't mean he gets a free pass to soil himself all the time. He's going to have to face the consequences of cleaning up after himself sooner than later.

My mom is thinking about putting him in diapers to see if that will change his behavior. She's been getting so infuriated with this whole situation saying in our cypher language (IB, if you know it) "He's just like his fucking dad!"

[rusty pins]

My mom is thinking about putting him in diapers to see if that will change his behavior. She's been getting so infuriated with this whole situation saying in our cypher language (IB, if you know it) "He's just like his fucking dad!"

His dad wets and poops his pants too? That explains it! It's hereditary! It "runs" in his jeans!

[RandomDL]

His dad wets and poops his pants too? That explains it! It's hereditary! It "runs" in his jeans!

lol what a great way to turn what some1 said into a joke.

on a serious note im sure there is something you could do to talk to him 1 on 1 if you havent done so yet to see if hes just too lazy, if he likes it and/or if he wants to try his luck on pushing the issue so he could get diapered, or atleast get diapers and have the responsibility of handling it himself (if he is mature enough to or atleast not too lazy that he would use his diapers and test their limits or just sit in it) it sounds like its laziness but i really dont know, and if his dad is really that unpleasant then maybe he has no control over him or just lets him do whatever, which could be why he gets worse every time he goes with his dad for a while or visits him.

[curiositykilledthecat]

It's his dad....whenever he gets the kids, my brother gets worse. My mom's doing all she can. Parenting 9 year old triplets is no easy job. Their dad is an asshole (that's the nicest word I can think of to describe him).

Okay thngas are difficult when dealing with parents who are seprated. Some kids learn how to play the parents against each other and some find they can't cope. Not wanting to go this route, however he hasn't made any comments about innapropiate touching has he?

[tris]

Good question! In most circumstances like this, where the parents are split and the kids are left to one or the other, the likelihood of molestation and other sexual acts is increased dramatically. Also, the stress of having a family household turn into a two-parent system with a back-and-forth routine can cause a significant amount of undue stress on a little person, and this stress can manifest itself in strange ways -- continence issues.

If he's taken to a therapist for his pants pooping issues, the first thing they're gonna ask him about is if he's been touched inappropriately.