Women, You Confuse Us? - My Birthday Present

[Diaper Lightning]

So those of you who have read my threads... this is a kicker. For those of you who haven't - Basically I came out to my wife 2 years after we have been married. She does not want me to wear diapers EVER at this point and "Won't allow it in her house."

moving on.

Last Sunday was my birthday and DEEP DEEP DOWN in my fantasy dreams I hoped she would get me diapers and offer to diaper me. So when I looked at my present that morning and the saw that the package wasn't big enough or puffy enough to be diapers... I was saddened but definately not suprised.

so I start to open my gift bag...

A toy light saber.... Ok so I like star wars. I have a VERY NICE master replica lightsaber that lights up a polycarbonate tube with colored LEDs. I alos have one of the ones she bought me but gave it to my nephew would use it more than I would. So I got a toy!

I dig deeper...

Star wars playing cards! "Now we can play card games together." My wife says. Hrm ok...

I dig out the last piece of the gift... Not a diaper... but they are a package of toddler toys, magnetic alphabet letters for the refridgerator... WTH ?!?!?!?!?!?!?

I forget wehat she said but she hinted at the AB side of our fetish in a very subtle way...

All day through church and the multiple B-day celebrations I am wondering "Is she like trying to help me in my DL/AB ness? I thought she hated it all?"

So I asked her when it was just us Sunday night. "So, why did you get me the letters?"

"Oh, they were on sale... I thought Anyah (our 16mo daughter) would enjoy them. PAUSE - she lied to me as she was saying this. I know because of tone and body language, my wife is not a good liar... K on with what she said... "And I figure if you needed something to revert (read regress) to, better these, than other things (read diapers). You're a big kid

So, what the heck- she has me all discombobulated. I didn't know what to do, so I got up. "I'm getting a glass of water."

"Can you get me one too?" she asked.

"Sure babe."

I got her a cup and then went to grab me a glass an saw my daughter's Tipsee cup. I really like that cup. So i made my glass of ice water in that and brought both out.

"You know, we have other cups" she said.

I replied, "Yeah, but they are dirty and I like this one."

She subtly laughed.

We continued on our evening and then planned to go to bed. My cup was empty.

"Babe, can you get me some more water?" I offered her my cup.

"Yea." she said.

I took our infant to the room and laid her down and my wife came in with a diaper a big bottle of milk!

Ok just kidding on that last line, but man I so wished it! ROFL

She brought in my cup and handed to me. "I dunno about you." she said lightly with a little smile.

Turned the lights off. I grabbed my cup and took a drink. It made a lot of noise. She laughed a little.

"What?" I said.

"You-" she replied.

"It's so refreshing babe, and look I can drink it in bed and not spill."

I took a drink "ahhhhhhhh" "Here, try some...."

"Nah" - she said back.

I then got my drunk accent/lsp goin.

"It's al - key - hall......." "Like vodka"

"Ok." she said. She took a drink and handed it back.

We said good night and I prayed and we went to sleep....

So what should I do now? I want diapers, but I just dont think she is there yet. Thinkin about playing up the "AB" side of things, especially using those magnet letters somehow. Problem is that I am hardcore DL, and never really played "baby" I am not fond of the being outta control aspect of an AB, but who knows maybe it can be freeing. But how do I ease into that? any suggestions?

My hope is to show her how beneficial this all is to me, hopefully get her involved in it and hope that she enjoys taking care of me - and then that might open her up to the possibility of letting me wear diapers. It is a high hope I know. But something is better than nothing.

[FretaBWet]

You're not fond of the out of control aspect of being an AB? Maybe, but you do seem to be out of control as your adult self. Self control means exactly that. Being in control and that means if it's in the best interest of your relationship with your wife to give her space you give her space. You're planning devious ways to sway her to what YOU want using the toy letters she gave you. Bringing the sippy cup to bed was really an in your face tactic. I'm not judging you but sometime people on the outside have a much clearer view than the person in a situation. You're saying you wouldn't consider divorce in order to live as you wish to live and I take you at your word on that but there's other ways to get where you want to go. Sometimes we blind ourselves to the big picture because we are too focused on one point. You may keep pushing your wife to accept your wearing diapers until one day she files for divorce and then it's not your fault is it? You just become the victim who gets to wear diapers and not feel guilty because you didn't end the marriage, you were loyal. Guilt free diapers become your reward for being the innocent victim. Please understand I'm not saying that's what you are doing here. What I'm trying to do is get you to look carefully at what you say and compare your words with your actions. If there is a dichotomy between the two then something is wrong.

Hugs,

Freta

[Necare]

It definitely seems that she has given your kinks some serious consideration, and considering how her stance towards this was before you got these presents, she certainly has come a long way trying to accept this part of you. Probably quite a big step for her I would imagine. What I wouldn`t do now, if I was you, is to push her in any way regarding the diaper-situation. Just savour the moment, and let her take her own time with that aspect. Good luck to you!

[CandiPiglet]

I agree. You definitely don't want to press the issue too much. She already knows that it's something that you would want, and that it's probably not going to go away. Maybe, if you're patient, she will be more open to other things involving the AB/DL lifestyle. Diapers is a big step for some people. That step can make or break a relationship sometimes. Be careful and good luck!

[superdiaperbaby]

Dude,

Be honest. If you are not an AB, don't play like you are. It seems she is confused about everything. My wife knows I am an AB and a DL and the AB stuff she doesn't like to do but the DL stuff she does, like me wearing diapers for sex and to bed. However, it is a rare moment when I pull out a pacifier and she reads to me. It happens about once every two to three months. I know I am one lucky person. But in order to get the spot where we are now I made it a point to tell her that being an AB was nothing compared to my DL activities. I don't have to have a pacifier for the rest of my life, but no diapers would cause severe depression.

You don't seem to be happy in what is occurring. You don't seem to be able to communicate why you are unhappy. You are building up a wall of resentment that is the cornerstone of divorce. If you don't come out with how serious it is that you need diapers it will only get worse. This is an argument that needs to be finished and needs compromise. The original argument was never ended. You are not happy. Don't give her an ultimatum and don't let her give you an ultimatum.

On the other side it seems she thinks she is satisfying your desires without diapers. So it seems like she can tell you are not happy and is trying to compromise. The problem is it in the wrong direction. How about plastic pants? Will she go for that? What about cloth diapers? Or how about old school multiple layers of underwear? Even though it is not the same it might appease some of your desires. Bottom line is, you need to communicate.

SDB

[sarah_ab]

DUDE!!! you wife who given your posts we are to assume was completely against anything to do with ab/dl things totally just gave you BABY TOYS!!! and brought you a sippy cup full of water.

How about saying "Thank you for being the greatest wife i could ever have" and being thankful for what she has done for you.

I'm sorry but every single post so far has been about you and what you can do to get what you want, and how you can get your wife to give you what you want. At this point, your wife has taken a big step and i'm not seeing much giving back to her. What exactly have you gone of out your way to do for your wife? What inner needs and desires have you unexpectedly suprised her with by fullfilling?

Stop being so selfish and be so thankful she is still willing to be with you, and has taken this GIANT step towards understanding your wants and needs.

[aarondiaperboy]

Just take this slowly and appreciate the fact the she moved an inch with this. I am sure she'll warm up slowly to this idea, if you let her.

[BriGuy]

I would definitely be happy about the movement towards accepting the other side of you she just made. Up until now she has only had a partial of the picture of who you are. Only now. you two are joined in marriage and have a child together. Don't push too hard, and now that she knows, let her go at her own pace. Otherwise you may alienate her and find yourself without her in your future.

~Brian

[Guest YkDave]

I have to agree with the above.

Maybe she has had some time to think it over and has decided she may give this a shot. Take it slow and see what happens, just go along with it and dont try and push things on her or she may go back to hating the whole thing completely.

[Backindiapers]

DUDE!!! you wife who given your posts we are to assume was completely against anything to do with ab/dl things totally just gave you BABY TOYS!!! and brought you a sippy cup full of water.

How about saying "Thank you for being the greatest wife i could ever have" and being thankful for what she has done for you.

I'm sorry but every single post so far has been about you and what you can do to get what you want, and how you can get your wife to give you what you want. At this point, your wife has taken a big step and i'm not seeing much giving back to her. What exactly have you gone of out your way to do for your wife? What inner needs and desires have you unexpectedly suprised her with by fullfilling?

Stop being so selfish and be so thankful she is still willing to be with you, and has taken this GIANT step towards understanding your wants and needs.

Ya know he hasn't really discussed life outside him thinking about the diapers. So how do we really what he has done for her? He may go out of his way to fulfill all her wants and desires. Just a thought...

[Aurelius]

This is sounding promising. I agree the mind games should stop. If my girlfriend accepted it on even a basic level, there would be no excuses for not hugging and appreciating her.

If AB stuff is helping your relationship, there's no reason to stop it. If she sees it as a good, fun thing and so do you then definitely don't stop. As for wearing, you'll probably want to ask about that - especially if you only wear (at least to begin with - slowly now, don't ruin something already looking very good)

[diaperpt]

There is a lot of good stuff here - I like Freta's response and I think Sarah's has some truth to it as well.

Weren't you being unrealistic in your expectations that your wife was going to give you diapers for your birthday??? You've got to bring together your desires/needs and your expectations/hopes. If you can't, you are going to be very unhappy and your behavior may end up doing the damage to your relationship you say you want to avoid.

Clearly your wife recognizes that there is something you are looking for and needing...she doesn't want and/or can't do the diaper thing right now, but she is trying. Just that alone is an incredible movement from when you starting posting about this.

I think most of us have some passive agressive tendencies in us - I know I do, even though I hate it in others. Watch that you don't indulge. Don't try to force the issue...thank your wife for recognizing your need. Before complaining that this isn't the full extent of your needs and wants (I'm pretty sure she KNOWS), accept and appreciate what she is willing to do for/with you now. Don't push too fast or as has been pointed out, you could be rewarded with divorce papers.

Don't hold out huge hope of her ever getting into diapers herself or changing you on a regular basis...but just maybe, if you can go slow, talk honestly with her and hear what she is saying and really meaning, you might get to a place where you can wear by mutual agreement- even if its when she isn't around.

Again, keep talking, keep listening and be patient with her and with yourself.

diaperpt

[Diaper Lightning]

The mentioning of her givin me diapers for my birthday and the other comment is just me kinda venting and trying to make the read more comical. Deep inside it is the truth it is want. And don't point the finger at me in that regard - you all want diapers or you wouldn't be here. I have stated I love my wife and yes she will come before diapers. If that was not the truth I would say just screw this whole shindig and I would wear in secrecy, like some others out there. And thank you, God, thank you for someone who mentioned that all I am talking about here is in regard to diapers - I do not tend to share the other facets of our relationship too much or anything not connected to diapers - this is lifestyle forum. I do leave out a lot. For example, I am working my tail feather off disparately trying to get my business fully launched so she can stay home a foster our children. She just got a possible layoff notice and may not have a job to go back to anyway. I left a good paying job with a horrible boss and business man to better ensure my future so I can provide for my family.

I love my wife. Yes, there are things I still work on. Yes, there will always be something I can do better -

[b0xer21]

Nice that she thinks of your home as "her house". Is this relationship one sided? I understand compromise, and your situation isn't anything about that. You need to man up and grow a set of balls. I'm not saying be a complete asshole, but a bit more assertive and honest with yourself and her couldn't hurt. You are a grown man, hardly the position of a life partner to tell you what isn't allowed. I hate to say it, but admit how pathetic it sounds for a man to say, "that might open her up to the possibility of letting me wear diapers".

Be respectful, but for God's sake be yourself.

[tris]

I hope you didn't leave your job for some MLM scheme like Monavie or Quixstar (now Scatway Global, my bad). . .

I can say with confidence, my brother, that there is hope. My relationship was kinda rocky a few weeks ago. Things got stale, and we got complacent with each other. Then, she up and surprised me -- more baby is what she wants! So now I'm happily showing her how to take care of me. You can get there. These things take time. I'm finally experiencing what I've wanted from this relationship for the past two years, and we've never been happier. I'm getting more done, I'm less stressed, and our downstairs neighbors are complaining about all the sex we're having. It's been the BEST sex over the last month, and for once in my life, I'm good for at least two rounds cuz she's comin' at me with what she knows I know and love the most.

There is hope for you. The one thing most of us ABDLs here seem to forget is that nearly ANYONE can be with ANYONE. I don't believe that there is such thing as a 'soulmate' --people grow together, and change together. And when there's boundless love between the two of you, no obstacle is insurmountable.

If you're as close to The Man as you think you are, none of this should present a problem you can't solve. . .

Happy bday.

[FretaBWet]

Diaper Lightning, I don't see anyone here pointing the finger at you because you want diapers. I think I can safely say that most of the people here empathize with you and your situation. Just by going thoough these boards you get a sense of how many people yearn for a relationship with a person who will love them for their quirk and participate in it. I think most here would even settle for a significant other that knew about the diapers and accepted it as a need to stay mentally healthy but didn't want to participate. Having your partner go to work or out and knowing you could pull out your stash and get diapered without fear of being caught because they know what you are doing wouldn't be so bad. For most people here that would be like having their cake and eating it too.

This is a community and the majority of people here feel connected and want you to succeed but the other side of that coin is when they see you heading toward the cliff and it looks to them like you don't see it the're going to say something to get your attention. The alternative is to watch a fellow AB/DL/Furry/Mommy/Daddy etc go down in flames and we don't get any enjoyment out of that. It could have been any of us. If you think that's a load of crap just read the thread on the Vegas trip or the beach trip and see how happy everyone is for Bri Guy and SassyGirl. There are exceptions some of the time. Sometimes people will give you bad advice because they don't know any better. Growing a set of balls would be a good example of this. I personally am hoping for a happy ending to this. I've always been a sucker for happy endings.

Hugs,

Freta

[SassyGirl]

I think your best bet would be to let it be for the time being, if she's anything like me curiosity may get the best of her and next thing you know she's asking questions and wanting to know more. She's going to come to terms with everything on her own time and no one elses so its best not to push the issue. In my opinion I think she made huge strides by giving you the toys as well as drinking from a sippy cup. I think you need to stop focusing on how to get her to accept you being a DL and start taking things one day at a time and dont make your main focus be her acceptance, that will come in due time.

[tris]

I agree with Sassy. Like I said earlier, it took me almost two years to get to where we are now. I pushed at first, too, but after awhile, you just let it go and do your own thing. When they wanna be involved, they'll come around. . If they don't, well. . . See you in Divorce Court! Duhn Duhn Duhn!

[Diaper Lightning]

and that's what I am gonna do, more time - it has already paid dividends and I am trying to be more of a better lover for her. Not in bed, but by other ways she receives love.

[tris]

YES! That's exactly what I'm talking about!

Don't you feel like you could be better attuned to your partner's needs when you yourself are fully satisfied?

It's kinda like relationships where people have good money -- Have you ever noticed that the folks who make great money always seem to have a better time with each other? Do you know why? It's because they're not stressing over their needs -- they're met! And while most of us will struggle with monetary wealth, our emotional wealth is a tradable commodity, in much the same fashion. When we get what WE need, we can then better focus on our partner's needs, thus creating a giving circle of sorts. . .

Get it?