Uh. Therapy!

[Sophie ♥]

So I saw my therapist for the... fifth or something-th time today. I like her. She listens and waits and smiles and doesn't ask stupid questions. And she tells little stories about her life too so I dont feel so much like a patient. She likes Hello Kitty. She might sell me a Hello Kitty TV! That'd be awesome.

So today at therapy we were talking about my boy moods vs. my girl moods. She wanted to know what sort of personality i wanted to belong to more and I started the idea of "gender reassignment" (which sounds much less rude than "sex change", but is a mouthful). She was strangely open about it. I think she dealt with people like this before or something. Anyway, we got into the discussion and I felt my anxiety level going up a bit and I was drifting closer to my girly mood, which I usually do if I'm feeling vulernable. It was weird being my girly self around her. However, her reactions were astoundingly supportive. She even wrote Sophia on my appointment card for next week!!

Moving on. I think I really might go through with this transition. I know it would make me happier in the long run. I want to start young. I want to get it soon. Perhaps maybe even before college, but I don't know how long it takes...

So I wanted some advice from other people who have or are going through this sort of deal.

Also there are a few questions I am looking for answers to... like the whole hormone replacement thing, will that change my voice too? What are the risks of complications in these sorts of things? How much does all it cost? How much time does it take? What are your situations on how family and friends reacted? Are you happy with the decision you made (assuming you wenthave felt this way before)?

Also that would mean I'd need a cute girly haircut if i got this done. It's reasonably long now, but i dont want it too long and I like the little girl styles, so if anyone has suggestions... plus I love when people post pictures of stuff.

*sigh* Another Sophie topic, longer than intended...

THANKS MUCHLY!

-Sophie

[twister_girl]

> Perhaps maybe even before college, but I don't know how long it takes...

Good time for it, you'd have your identify firmly established by graduation. And, as a full time student at your university, you should get cheap health insurance.

Does it take long? I wouldn't say so. I don't know if any laws King George passed after 9-11 changed things, but in CA it was pretty quick when I did it in '97. My shrink wrote me a letter I took to DMV to change my name and SEx on my driver's license. AFter the DMV, I took the form and DL to the Social Security Office, and had a new Social Security Card by the end of the week. Your experience my vary depending upon where you live.

> like the whole hormone replacement thing, will that change my voice too?

Absolultel positively NO. Females to Males yes, Males to Females no, you've got what you got. You can probably learn to speak at the higher end of your vocal range, practice! When I went back to my high school reunion, people asked me how the hormones had changed my voice, they hadn't, of course, but they thought it had.

> What are the risks of complications in these sorts of things?

Nothing serious, just a risk of a blood cloth and death if it cuts loose and ends up in your heart. Yeah, I had a blood clot once. Oral estrogen (the favored delivery method) will do that EVENTUALLY. If you stay on a high dosage. I guess your dosage comes down after surgery. I ended going to a specialist inthe LA area who puts hormones under the skin, no risk of blood clot from THAT delivery method.

> How much does all it cost?

The pills only cost $10 a month on insurance. Insurance didn't cover the new guy I went to, I ended up paying $600 a quarter.

> How much time does it take?

Maybe a few month to notice your breasts growing. Now, what about facial hair? If you have an issue there, start getting electrolysis NOW. That takes longer than growing boobs.

> What are your situations on how family and friends reacted?

My parents were shocked at first, but they were cool. I only lost one friend. Most everyone I knew was like "oh, fine, whatever..."

> Are you happy with the decision you made (assuming you wenthave felt this way before)?

Best decision I ever made for ME. The physical changes are easy, it's the social changes that are hard. If you haven't been spending any time doing regular girl things in your life, do so. Not just going to the mall and going shopping for shoes. Taking your car to Jiffy Lube (and the the guys explain what an oil filter is to you like you're a moron), riding the bus, going to a club and get a string of guys hitting on you that don't know how to take 'no' for an answer. Encountering the guys that want to f**k a tranny, but would never want you as a girlfriend. Coming to the realization that you may not be able to have a stable relationship with a man (if you want that) until after you have surgery, which can cost $20,000. Being talked down to at work or in class like you're a girl, you can't possibly understand this. Yeah, you want THESE experiences too before you take any irrevocable steps. But for MTF, if you stop taking hormones, things go back to normal and 'it' returns to full functionality in a few months.

[Sophie ♥]

Wow... lotsa responses.

Firstly, thank you everyone!

Lets see... okay. Voice. I have a girly voice. I mean, i have like... 15 different voices. I'm really good at that sort of thing. I just don't know if I want the ability to switch back into my boy voice or have my boy voice be my default. Actually in therapy when I started getting really girly, it was harder for me to speak like a boy. It might just be my mood that onsets my multiple voices. I don't really know.

I intend to schedule a consult or something with some people who take care of this stuff. That's what my therapist recommended. *shrugs* I don't really know... I think I would need to tell my parents before I get a consult... I'll talk to my therapist more about it next week.

I know cost will be an issue.......

Is there any sort of US thing that helps take care of this sort of cost??

Uhm, my mind is everywhere so I can't think of what else to ask.

Thanks for the replies though!

-Sophie

[SecondLook]

I would talk to all the doctors and therapists you will be dealing with. I did. Helped out a lot. Especially the ob/gyn. Yes, get one, early, I got early approval with my therapists from having regular visits. Adn they'll give you more information than anyone else.

I almost went all the way, but stopped just before surgery. I mean, days before the surgery. I should have just done it, but other things got in the way and I had to postpone it. Now I have to start over. Not sure when, but I will eventually.

The earlier you do it the better, less chance of testosterone taking long term effect. I started at 17, so I still have a slender build, but the last couple years, I've been noticing it really taking effect: thinning hair, bigger tummy, shoulders getting wider, putting on more muscle, etc.

As far as finances, my fiance at the time was really helping me out. There are a few groups out there, but they are hard to find and even harder to get assistance from. Medical insurance, at least when I was going through, didn't cover a dime unless I could "hide" something as a standard procedure, something about it being comsetic surgery or whatever. I had close to 180k tied up in it all, over 4 years for meds, docs, general care, etc. I took my time with it. BTW, the hormones I took were injected, I refused the oral stuff. Not as effective and dangerous to take.

If I think of anything else...

Keep asking questions!

[twister_girl]

Ah the UK legal system, the most sexist institution known to man.

I remember reading the UK had the most restrictive system in western europe, and was dragged kicking and screaming along by lawsuits filed when the joined the EU and were FORCED to make changes, so that doesn't suprise me.

[Aurelius]

I want a counsellor of some kind. I really need one. I have so many personal and social issues to sort through and it is getting painful psychologically. Even though I know I have control and power in my life my social life is irreversably trapped (nothing I can do about it in studying/working, there just isn't time) and has been my whole teenage/early-adult life. My will to get things done has collapsed in the last 2 years - only in desperation now am I beginning to recompose myself (unfortunately my approach is to be pretty much heartless - it's awful but if you become attached to things that don't matter or aren't worth the effort you become tied down too much).

Ultimately my new strategy is less thinking and more doing. Want to wear a diaper today? Do it. Nobody could stop you if you have the time and energy. Need some more and some powder/wipes? Just do it and enough with the paranoia. Concern and effort in all of this is great but if you let it get to you it is going to do a lot more harm than good. Especially in the long run.

Changing your gender is getting easier with time. If it wasn't so painful and expensive I would wish I had done it. Maybe 50 years from now people will be able to change genders every few months. Awesome ;D

Best of luck, whatever your decision. I have little advice to offer, save that I would be fine being involved romantically and sexually with a transgendered person if they were suitable as per an ordinary relationship. No objections here and I'm sure very many people are open about it.

[twister_girl]

1, If you are a woman

2, If you are not white (and I have statistics for that)

3, If you are not Oxbridge educated.

Not like here. In the US social class and legal protection is determined by money. That's more fair I guess.

[Sophie ♥]

So i did a bit more research. I think I have a lot of information now.

My main concerns are the following:

Telling my family is going to be a pain.

Finances seem nearly impossible.

And lastly, if i go to college next year what dorm to do I stay in?!

They said I'm supposed to maintain a full female persona...

*shrugs*

I tried getting a consult but I am no good at it.

If you think you can help with any of the above... help with telling parents or finding a way to pay for this or what dorm I am supposed to stay in or even how to get a consult... please give me a hand.

Abrera- good luck. I love my psychologist, but I got lucky. I heard a lot of people dont like theirs.

-Sophie

[crys_138]

Keep in mind, I'm taking almost an entirely DIY approach, so some of it may not apply necessarily.

Telling my family is going to be a pain.

So don't.

Actually, I'm kind of serious. I tried telling my family many times when I was a teenager. None of them listened, so I said "to hell with them" and just started the transition on my own. It's better to ask forgiveness than permission.

Finances seem nearly impossible.

Mine probably aren't much better. Still, I manage. Surgery will still cost more than I can come up with any time soon, especially with this economy, to say nothing about hair removal and things like that. That said, I can still afford my hormones, and that's the most important thing while you're stuck in a holding pattern. Worry about what you can do, not what you can't.

And lastly, if i go to college next year what dorm to do I stay in?!

They said I'm supposed to maintain a full female persona...

Yeah, you do have to maintain the full female persona during the RLT portion of it. Many colleges can be flexible when it comes to dorm arrangements for transpersons - just ask them about it up front. They'll most likely be willing to make some accommodation for you.

*shrugs*

I tried getting a consult but I am no good at it.

Can't help there. I've been in transition for over five years now and still can't get a consult, or any of the other "legit" stuff started. Doesn't help that the medical system down here is still shattered, however.

[Bee]

I can't give you a lot of personal concrete advice, as it's not a situation I've been in. However I know some people who have, and I've found some websites over the years that might help.

You could start looking here.

Her website hasn't been updated in a couple years, but it's still really good, has pictures and diaries from her surgeries, as well as a lot of thoughts and info. Her monetary situation was very different from yours, but it still might be a good place to see what the surgeries are like, what experience she had telling her family, legal stuff, all that.

And as I remember, she has links to a lot of other people's personal sites, too.

[FretaBWet]

Hi Sophie, The most important thing for you to learn is there is no right or wrong. Every person is different even though they may share some form of gender disphoria. Because of this, every person has a unique transition based on what's right for them. Anyone that tells you it will be easy because your young, small boned, have little hair, have lots of money or any reason is not really doing you a service. If you're worried about telling your family or friends then that's a big big issue and you need to work on that. I'm not saying this to discourage you, I'm telling you this because I have your best interest at heart. It's a really hard road you're looking down and if you're not totally prepared to climb every obstacle, swim every river or do whatever it takes to get to your destination you'll never make it. I started my transition nineteen years ago and haven't had surgery yet. It's never been an issue for me because nobody knows whats between my legs. Spending the $35 per hour for probably hundreds of hours of electrolysis was my first and most important investment in myself. I could never be a Woman with the heavy dark hair that grew on my face neck. I had waited until I was 35 which made thing much more difficult but I was determined. I had two younger sisters with children but I've been dead to them for years as they want nothing to do with me. My own children had issues and it took some years for that to work it's way through but even if they didn't come around it wouldn't have changed my path. If you're not sure you want to be a Woman 100% of the time then you're not ready to begin the journey. There's nothing wrong with living your feminine side part time if that's the right path for you, I know some that do and and they look better than me. Work with your Therapist to find the right path for you. She sounds knowledgeable and caring and that makes her your most valuable asset at this point. Good luck on your search for the truth and I'm here if you need any questions answered.

Hugs,

Freta

[twister_girl]

> Telling my family is going to be a pain.

My family was cool. Your experience may vary...

> Finances seem nearly impossible.

You're in England, NHS wold't cover electrolysis or hormones?

> And lastly, if i go to college next year what dorm to do I stay in?!

Where I went to college, the university bought a small house off campus specifically for transgendered students. Anything like that where you are?

> They said I'm supposed to maintain a full female persona...

Let the university figure it out, or demand to be released from the dorm requirements. You can't be the first to ask.

[Saschadzg]

Personally I use depo-estrodial which is self-administered once a week a shot in the butt. It sucks at first, but you get used to it quickly and if you do it right you really shouldn't feel any pain. I like the depo because I think it's more effective (and faster), plus it's less harsh on your system (e.g. your liver) than the pills.

Hello,

I had the same experience. Pills effected my liver negatively. Pills also will highten the risk of thrombosis, especially, if you take articial estradiol. Gels and pads are also low risk treatment. I get 3 viols of estradiol 10 mg and one viol of hydroxyprogesteron 250 mg per month by either by general practioner, gynecologist or endocrinologist.

I had my first therapist´s appointment in January 2004, started HRT in July 2004, name change Aug 2005, refferal letter for SRS Feb 2006, SRS June 28th, 2006 at the University Clinic of Goettingen, Germany, Dec 2006 change of status to female in birth certificate.

It is amazing, how many little girls have T* background.

Babygirl Kvetinka

[Sophie ♥]

I read a book. Actually... I blew off all my schoolwork for a full day to read this book. It's the only transgender book i could find at my library that interested me at all.

Luna by Julie Anne Peters.

So I read that book and I think I relate more to Regan than Luna. That sounds bad. I mean, I see bits of myself in Luna, but my boy side isn't fake. It's still a person... it's still me... but as Sophie i'm happier, and a lot of the parts of my boy side are incorperated into Sophie anyway.

Let me fill you in a bit. Luna (Liam to begin with) is a transgender throughout the book, male biologically. Regan is her sister. Regan defends all of her secrets and protects her and everything, but it eats her up inside: the secrets, the lies, having to always protect Luna from the world and the world from Luna. She knows Luna perfectly, and always know how to react and doesn't find it strange or anything and understands... which is me. Luna however is set on getting rid of Liam completely. She thinks he is a hologram; an actor. I don't see my boy side as an actor, or maybe i'm just so good at acting I fool myself. It's part of who I am... but not a majority. The conflict with Regan that really makes me relate to her is that she has absolutely no idea who she is. She has no social life or friends or anything really. She has Luna and her family and Luna's one friend and that's about it. That's not really like me at all, because I have a life and friends and all... but Regan always talks about how she doesn't know who she is. I can relate to that. Luna however knows exactly who she is, and she just doesnt match.

And you all say I have to be 100% committed. I have to want to be a girl, fully, all the time, if I am going to get through this. Does that mean I have to see my boy side as a hologram like Luna? Because I like who I am now, does that mean my transition just wont work?

Here's my new question for you all to ponder:

I feel, on average, 35% male and 65% female (but then again I am in a male body so those numbers might skew to the female side if I change my body or appearance). Is that extra 30% of my person, the concept that I could be 30% happier, worth all the trouble? Should I even bother if it wont make me completely happy?

The way I see it is... I want to be happier. Being a girl will do that. I dont need complete happiness. But everyone says, and Luna is a fantastic example... that if i'm not 100% for this change, it wont work. Well... i'm 65%. That's better than half. Isn't better than half enough? I just don't understand...

Luna depressed me deeply. It made me see that perhaps 65% wont be enough... it wont work. That i'm destined at 35% happiness. What do you think?

-Sophie

[PArms]

If others know about your girl side, and they become supportive, they will start treating you more like a girl. Then your numbers will change: close to 100% female.

[sarah_ab]

i'm not entirely sure what to say, because i myself have never gone through what you are going through, but i would recomend if you have not already, seek out a counselor who specifies in gender identity. Not just someone who has had some experience, but someone who makes that their work completely... and tell them all you have told us. Chances are, they have heard this... and have worked with people in this situation who both did and did not chose to go through all the way...

[Sophie ♥]

Ahhh... i told my brother.

Which is probably the biggest step i can take considering he's my best friend.

He's cool with it. He doesn't care if i become a girl.

Suprisingly, he didn't expect it!!! I thought I left a lot of loop holes into my girly life.

-Sophie

[Aurelius]

I also think I might add:

I am strongly interested in trangendered girls. I'm not sure why but I especially find transgendered girls more attractive than actual girls. It think it's something about being able to treat them as a girl and trusted companion but not worry so much about the pressure on the sexual side (transgendereds are more experimental, which can only be a good thing IMO, and I do prefer male genitalia and especially in a fetish context - my desire to have sex is tamed by my fetish but by no means entirely). Rest assured that if you do it properly, your chances of finding someone 'compatible' are very good. Of course this will be difficult for you; painful and expensive, stressful and labourious, but I wish you the best of luck.

[sarah_ab]

the reason i suggest telling a therapist, is because no matter what you tell them they are not going to judge you. You could tell them you think about strangling cats and they are not going to reject you, tell you you are a horrible person etc you are paying a therapist to let you tell them whatever you feel you need to get off your chest and know it will be kept private and confidential because you are over 18 so legally they cannot tell anyone else in your life unless you give them written permission.

but its awesome you told your brother. congratulations on taking that step.

[Sophie ♥]

I do talk to my therapist about it a lot. She's my main outlet for Sophie since Mommy and I broke up.

Maybe i didn't mention that on the boards.....

-Sophie

[PArms]

Sorry to hear about that Sophie. I hope you move on with your life with a big smile on your face despite any setbacks.

[Sophie ♥]

It's going okay. We're still friends... although it's a bit rocky right now. I hope it gets better.

I have therapy tomorrow. I'm going to try setting one day a week. Perferably not Fridays. I am always busy Friday.

I am also considering seeing a gender therapist as well. *shrugs*

-Sophie

[dave_the_baby]

Only skimmed through this...

I don't agree with the whole gender replacement thing. Not so much because I'm against homosexuality or anything- just that I don't understand the surgery part.

It doesn't technically turn you into a girl- it just makes you look like one.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Many Christians I know would be quick to jump to the gun and say, "there are no true homosexuals." I used to believe this, until I started studying Eastern Culture. Chakras, Meditations, and philosophies- suddenly I realized, that idea is ignorance in itself.

If anything, any "bizarre" fetish- or even just emotional feelings, like your leaning to a feminine side- is nothing more than an expression of Tantric Energy, which correlates to the Sacral Chakra. Your sexual makeup is determined by the roots of your childhood.

I certainly know I was afraid to be honest about my feelings towards friends, and those feelings weren't even sexual.

Lately a lot of memories have come up. One of which was me asking this one person if he loved me. (As a friend)

This was elementary school, keep in mind, so "love" is loose. He was nervous, mainly said he 'liked' me. (Either way, it sounds odd, I know)

It was never anything sexual, but I was always afraid it came across as such. Because it does.

What I'm getting at, Sophie...

I have seen many people who are afraid to follow their heart for fear of being rejected by society. Sadly, this happens. People are ignorant like this. Just remember, this is a big decision, and you might want to consider just "dressup" for now. Don't do surgery just yet- I think you'll regret it.

[Wheels]

This is a good resource, I learned a lot from it! She has been around for years. I like the effects hormones had on me, although I haven't gone through with a full reassignment yet.

Good luck & go for it!

[PampersPete]