Letter To Ask My Gf About Things

[biggs]

Ok, quick background (not too much detail).

Told my gf about liking nappies whilst walking home from a drunken night out. She took it ok, but it's not been mentioned by either of us since, and that was about 2 months ago. Keep trying to bring it up, but not the easiest conversation to start!

So, as I'm away for a few days, I figured I would bring it up via email, which gives her a few days to chill / think about it etc, and means that when we chat on the phone, it needn't be a topic of conversation (sounds backwards, but it works!)

But I wonder if you kind readers could vet what I'm saying? I've tried to keep it quite 'breezy' & 'no big deal' esque, which I hope will work.

here is it..

------------------------------------------------------

<few lines saying hello / how was work etc?>

There is actually something I wanted to talk to

you / ask you about, but I've struggled to bring

it up.

Before I go into it though, I just need to ask

that you be 100% honest about it - there isn't a

'right' response that I'm looking for or anything

- just your thoughts.

I just wonder if you remember a couple of months

ago, one evening on the way back from a night

out, I told you something - something I asked you

to keep to keep private. I know I was pretty

drunk that night (ok, very!), but I do remember

what I told you, and I doubt it's something

you've forgotten about.

It's not something I normally tell people - in

fact you're the only person I have ever told, as

you're someone who I love too much to have a

secret from, and I trust you more than pretty

much everyone else I know put together.

I just wondered if you had had any thoughts on

this (good / bad / anything in between). I know

it's perhaps a little quirky, (or very, I

guess), but then I've never pretended to be

anything but a little quirky!

It's not something I've ever allowed to, nor

would ever allow to, take over my life, just

something which adds a bit to it I guess - it

wouldn't be right to call it a hobby / passtime,

as that's not what it is, but that's kind of

where it sits in 'life's priority's'.

If it's something you want to discuss with me

about, I can promise to be as open & honest about

it, with no 'no go areas' to worry about.

Equally, if it's something you want to know

nothing more about / no part of / not interested

etc - just say so, or ignore this email, and it

all goes away never to be brought up again.

------------------------------------------------

Any suggestions / improvements?

[Baby Drew]

Sounds ok as emails go, but if it were me I would still much rather talk about it face to face.

I know that it is difficult to bring up the topic but asking her by email almost seems the easier way of doing things.

[willow]

Hate to say it mate, but sometimes you've just got to suck it up and tell her to her face stone cold sober (or close).

I just had the same pleasure myself. I explained a bit of my background, some of the reasons I'm a bit weird, and she said she didn't see the problem. I was forced to look her straight in the eye and tell her that the problem is her boyfriend is still in Pampers. Her jaw hit the floor, but she's dealing with it pretty good. Time will tell...

You owe her no less I'm afraid, do it, do it tonight. Or keep your mouth shut forever and accept you're never moving in with her. (Best to tell her and get what will be out of the way methinks)

[BriGuy]

The thing I have learned with letters is the ability to read them, re-read them, and then begin to read between the lines and learn something that isn't the letters intent. I feel it is best to talk about it face to face. Granted that is the most difficult, but it will be the most rewarding in the end because it shows courage to talk about something so sensitive in your live.

[BBoy]

Trust me this needs to be done face-to-face. Emails, by nature, are impersonal and it this case you need to have an open discussion and very personal discussion.

Its not easy to do, I know it just about had a heart attack to tell my wife about my diaper wearing (at the time we had been going out for 4 months). I can honestly say that it was very important for our relationship and I am sure it would not have turned out so well if I had sent her an email.

This is too important, don't hide behind a letter.

[biggs]

Face to face is indeed the better option, and having thought it through, is probably going to be the best cause of action.

One of the key reasons 'for' the letter / email was that it wouldn't 'force' her into commenting / deciding etc, but would give her her own time & space to think about it all, and as we already live together, it's not an easy thing to come by!

[Guest refridginator]

well if she wants the time and space to think about it she'll probably tell you or hint to you right then and there.

[FunTime]

You can't get e-mails back ... documented ...

So whether this turns out good or bad right now ... or the relationship is good or bad 5 years from now, she'll always have that.

Face to face is better.

[DailyDi]

I agree with the others... Face to face is always better. But if you simply can't face her to say what you want to say, then your email sounds about right.

[Youngatheart252]

I have to agree with the others bro. It's like a tattoo (follow me on this one) You obsess on it for what seems like forever deciding what you want to do or if you want to go through with it at all. When you finally get the nerve to go through with it it only hurts at first, then you realize it isn't as bad a you expected to be. You just have to get past the initial fear/apprehension and you'll find a great weight lifted off your chest.

[jay-uk-dl]

i told my wife within a month or o eof us meeting partly

because i wanted her to know, but more importantly for me,

as i knew i wanted to be with her buti also wanted her to

know who she was getting to know, and hey, i cant be bothered

wasting time in a relationship if its not what i want,

and well what can i say, im married to her now an sitting here

in kendal brand disp

if she had freaked and said no??

then i would be with someone els or single instead.

lifes to short to accept rubbish.

like going to tesco and buying apples and get home an

find out they sold you loo-roll. would you accept it???

tell her face to face,then she cant lie, ok by the same point

she cant make an informed detailed descision but her face

will tell most of what you need to know.

only my 2p's worth.

J.

[biggs]

You can't get e-mails back ... documented ...

So whether this turns out good or bad right now ... or the relationship is good or bad 5 years from now, she'll always have that.

Face to face is better.

Yes, very true - which is why I worded my 'letter' quite carefully - absolutely no reference to anything that could link me with anything AB, so should it have ever got into the wrong hands, it doesn't really prove anything.

I think I'll talk to her. That said, I certainly think it's been beneficial to me to write the letter, it's helped me to get into my head just what it is I want to say to her - it's just getting those messages across that will be difficult - especially has she has recently started a new job & we wont get a huge amount of alone time together any more

[biggs]

i told my wife within a month or o eof us meeting partly

because i wanted her to know, but more importantly for me,

as i knew i wanted to be with her buti also wanted her to

know who she was getting to know, and hey, i cant be bothered

wasting time in a relationship if its not what i want,

and well what can i say, im married to her now an sitting here

in kendal brand disp

if she had freaked and said no??

then i would be with someone els or single instead.

lifes to short to accept rubbish.

like going to tesco and buying apples and get home an

find out they sold you loo-roll. would you accept it???

tell her face to face,then she cant lie, ok by the same point

she cant make an informed detailed descision but her face

will tell most of what you need to know.

only my 2p's worth.

J.

Thanks J, your comments & thoughts are valued.

I feel quite privileged in that I feel I'm able to put my AB/DL feelings to one side if I need to. Not always easy at times, but I can do it, and for long periods of time.

For me, it's important that if I confide something to someone, it's to the right person, which is why I've waited to bring it up (we have been together just over a year). If she says she doesn't want to know, then year, I'll be pretty gutted but I'll live. If she wants to know more, that's great. If she freaks, well I would hope our relationship is strong enough to work around it.

At least it won't be a complete bombshell to her, as I have mentioned it before, so if she was going to freak, I think she would have done so my now.

I'll keep everyone posted of course

[diapermommie]

I just wanted to say that, while face to face may be the best option for most people most of the time, it's not always. My hubby (then bf) told me over IM. And that was fine, we had several "major" discussions about this and other topics online, which is fine for both of us. Myself, I need a minute to collect my thoughts before I share them, and I'm better at doing it in writing than in person. We were just discussing other things and the subject ended up coming around in a way that allowed him to tell me. If he had waited until I could see him in person later that night he might never have told me. So depending on the nature of the people in the relationship and how they communicate, it's not always bad to write things. Though you do need to be able to talk about them as well, sometimes writing it out first is easier and opens the door to being able to talk about it. We certainly have no problems talking about it now

I'd personally much rather hear the truth, whether it be over the phone, IM, email or whatever, than have it be hidden from me just because he couldn't get up the nerve to tell me in person. I'm the same way. So as long as you both understand that, I don't see a problem with it.

[Ortwein]

For me I would do it in a letter formmat becuase it is eaiser to do it that way to tell someone about a sintive subject about wanting to wear diapers and the other thing I would also tell her in person to so you said it twice but at least she would understand what you want. The email sounds really good I would not even change it. I would just go ahead and send it off to her and have her read it andthen resopnd and let you know how she feels about you wanting to wear diapers at night or during the day time. Sarah

[lynniehyde]

My advice would be, that face2face is the best way to relay your innermost desires and secrets. If you doubt her tolerance or sympathies, you don't know her that well yet. And, you won't get there via e-mail. Gay-run-tee.

Take your time. Choose your moments. They will present themselves. But, don't hide behind the screen.

Cuddles,

--heidilynn

[sarah_ab]

if this is a person you can imagine being with, living together, growing old together, etc...etc... then i would say face to face. If you want to be with someone then you need to be able to discuss with them, face to face, whatever it is that ison your mind, good, bad, embarassing, or jsut plain silly. Any book will tell you, communication is one of the most important factors of a long lasting relationship.

With the new technology it is so much easier to just send someone an email or an im or a text about how we feel, but if you cannot tell them face to face, then what kind of relationship are you really having with them?

I'm not saying its easy, its damned hard, but you need to be comfortable talking to this person and telling them how you feel about things, without having to rush to a computer and email them everytime something comes up.

I say, talk with her, and if you find you are having a hard time explaining it, say "i really want you to understand this, and at one point i had written an email to you to help me tell you. Would it be alright if i had you read that letter?" then STAY there while she reads it, so at any time she can turn to you and talk to you. Dont just send it and run out of the room.

If she needs time to hink it over, its gonna be pretty clear based on her reaction.

Best of luck to you.

[curiositykilledthecat]

face to face works better.