Search the Community

As much as she tried, Ava couldn't stop darting her eyes from one point to another across the beach. The joyful screams of children, the indistinct chatter of adults beneath nearby umbrellas, and the hypnotic sound of the water gently lapping against the shore were making her uncomfortable. She clenched the end of the yellow, lightweight dress her mom had told her to wear before leaving the house, and bit her lower lip. Had anyone seen her? As she walked beside her, she could feel the curious gazes of passersby. Damn, she shouldn’t have agreed to put it on before leaving! Mom was helping Tommy apply sunscreen. Her little brother turned his back to let her spread it on, laughing with delight as he squirmed from the ticklish sensation. Ava felt a slight pang of envy watching them. After all, Tommy was seven and needed different attention than she did. I wonder if Mom would have put it on me if I had asked her, she thought. She glanced toward the other lounge chair. Michelle was also having sunscreen applied with Dad's help: she was doing her arms while he worked on her legs. Like her, her little sister wore a pink swimsuit with floral patterns around the shoulders, neck, and legs. It was cute and colorful, like a rainbow in a clear sky. "Are you not putting on sunscreen, sweetheart?" Mom asked, peering at her from behind Tommy. She joked, "If you thought you could sneak into the water without it, you’re sorely mistaken!" Ava smiled and shook her head sincerely. Unintentionally, her eyes fell on the skirt of her dress. She let out a frustrated sigh. The dress wasn’t doing as great a job as she’d hoped. It was way too obvious! “I-I don’t feel like going in the water right now,” she stammered, tugging at the dress but with no success. “I-I just... prefer staying here in the shade.” “But we’re at the beach!” Tommy exclaimed, his excitement contagious. “We’re here to have fun, not to sit still!” Ava nodded again. He was right. Under normal circumstances, she would have slathered on sunscreen and jumped straight into the water, not caring who was looking. But right now, with this thing on... Her mother met her gaze, sending her a loving smile. “At least I’ve got someone keeping me company.” Great! Once they were done, Dad would take Tommy and Michelle swimming, and she’d have to stay there with Mom. Sweat was beginning its path through her hair, trickling down her face in the dim light. She would probably be asked to show it to her like she had when she was little, learning to use the potty. How embarrassing! Suddenly, a sharp clap made her jump. Dad looked at her and her siblings, then at Mom. “Who wants to go swimming?” Tommy and Michelle chirped eagerly, like little chicks waiting for their mother to feed them. “Alright,” he said, heading toward the sound of the waves, “last one in is a sea cucumber!” He dashed off with Tommy and Michelle squawking behind him. Ava watched the scene helplessly, crumpling the dress in her fists with all her energy, blushing. She wanted to cool off and have fun with her dad, Tommy, and Michelle. She let out a puff of air; this was so unfair. Her mom sat beside her. “I know that look,” she started, gently massaging her back in slow, rhythmic movements. “I owe you an explanation and an apology.” That serious voice, with a sweet tone. Ava could have listened to it forever, if she had the chance. She bit her lip and let her words erase her pout. “You’re probably wondering why I asked you that question before we came here,” she said, looking at her, her gaze moving over her freckled face. “Your dad and I want you to feel good about yourself, at all times. Taking the first steps isn’t easy, especially with that under your clothes.” Ava lifted her head to look at her and sighed. “I-I’m afraid that I could...” “You could have an accident?” Her cheeks turned bright red, eyes lowered. “Mom...” “Sweetheart,” she continued firmly, “that’s what diapers are for. Even if you don’t have problems with incontinence, like Tommy does with wetting the bed.” “But I... I’m 13,” Ava admitted, as if confessing something shameful. “I shouldn’t be wearing it, and I shouldn’t have said yes when we were at home. What if someone sees it? They’ll be laughing, saying, ‘Hey, that girl still wets herself!’” There was a brief moment of silence. Tears were pushing to fall, and her heart refused to stop racing. She could already imagine the mocking, cruel laughter of everyone on the beach. Even the fish would join in if they could. “Do you know why you wanted me to put it on you?” her mom asked, still holding that gentle tone. “You wanted me to take care of you, and to clean up your bottom too!” Ava burst out laughing with her. The noise and chatter of the passersby seemed to fade away entirely. She felt her mood lift, so she gave her a sincere smile. Her mom went on, never taking her eyes off her: “This is the face I want to see: happy and sunny. Remember, we love you just as you are, even if you’re wearing a diaper. With or without, you’ll always be my sweet Ava.” She opened her arms wide, looking like an eagle with its wings spread. Ava studied her mother’s loving, expectant face for an answer. Tears tumbled down her hot cheeks. She opened her mouth uncertainly, leaning forward and resting her head on her belly. She wrapped her arms around her with all the love she had inside her. “And what if I don’t like it anymore?” she whispered. “What if I want to go back to being a big girl?” “As long as you tell us, we’ll take it off you,” her mom said gently, lifting her chin to meet her gaze. “You don’t always have to wear it. Think of it as... a special occasion outfit.” Ava raised an eyebrow. “Is this a special occasion?” “In a way, it is,” her mom chuckled. “If we ever go out and you want to wear it under your clothes, you’ll have to be ready for what comes with it. Do you remember the little backpack I asked you to pack? It’s your diaper bag, although there are some for Tommy and Michelle too.” Ava’s dark eyes flicked to the purple backpack at the foot of the umbrella. She gasped, shocked at the mention of their names. She clearly remembered putting in three diapers her size, but were there really others for Tommy and Michelle? Why had Mom thought to put them in without telling anyone? She whispered, “You mean they...” “They probably want to follow in your footsteps,” her mom replied, confident in her reasoning. “You’re their big sister, after all. That’s why, before we go home, the three of you will stop by the bathroom, where we’ll talk about this. I want all of you to feel good about yourselves, starting with you.” Ava lowered her eyes to her yellow dress. She still wasn’t used to the tightness around her waist and the occasional plastic rustles as she walked. Up until now, she had felt calm and was happy to have it on. “Did you pee?” her mom asked softly, her tone filled with affection. Ava looked up, embarrassed, her face red as a tomato. Now there were those questions that could come up in the most awkward situations! Before she could respond, her mom grabbed the backpack and nodded her head toward the exit. “We should move to a more private place, don’t you think?” Ava could only nod. After all, her mom was right. The prying, curious stares of the passersby were starting to get on her nerves, so she took her hand and let her lead her to a more suitable place to talk.

Chest 17" / Shoulder 14.5" / Length 30.5" / Collar to Snaps 35" w/ stretch (rear)

Repost. THE MAN IN THE GRAY SUIT by Cute Kitten “Ro? You promise?" The hospital pillow was flat and lumpy, almost as uncomfortable as the mattress. Ryo missed his own bed that cradled and supported him just right. He also missed the familiar, soothing surroundings of his home. Most of all, he missed Ro. Her smile. Her carefree laughter. Her sarcasm. He hadn’t seen her smile since the accident. He never realized how much he depended on her until his world was turned upside down. She was his rock; his strength. She had always been, ever since they were best friends as children. Being with her always felt so natural; like their destiny was with each other. Their love written in the stars. Romeo and Juliet without all the drama and death. Robin Hood and Maid Marian. Mark Antony and Cleopatra. Tristan and Isolde. Ryo and Ro. They were an odd couple despite how easy and natural being with each other was. Ryo was the pretty one. The effeminate one of the couple. He’d worn the white dress when they got married on a beach at sunset, the warm waves lapping at their ankles. He was clearly male but mixed with a haunting feminine beauty that made him a favorite of the modeling agency and its clients. Part of that beauty came from his Japanese heritage. Ro was his opposite. She was no beauty queen, but she cleaned up nice when she bothered to care about her appearance. As long as he’d known her, she’d been a total tomboy who hated dresses as much as she loved the ocean. Night and day; so different but they completed each other. Even paradise had its problems; disagreements and differences of opinions. Each had different priorities. Hers was money. His was her life. Ro didn’t answer. Her head was bent over his hairless, freshly diapered crotch. She was taking much too long with this diaper change, dragging it out and avoiding eye contact. Her gaze focused on the front panel of his diaper as she pressed down on the tapes. She ran her fingers over the smooth, thick plastic to make sure it was fastened tight. Ryo stared at her, but her face was carefully blank. Her mouth was in a straight line, her eyes blank. Neutral. Guarded. Trying to hide her emotions and thoughts by acting like she hadn’t heard him. Her silence spoke volumes. Ro diapering him was nothing new; she’d been changing his diapers since their relationship turned serious when they were eighteen. They were twenty three now; Ro was several months older than him. She’d changed his diapers throughout their dating, engagement, and now their marriage. He’d always had bladder problems; he’d never been out of diapers at night and he wore pullups during the day in case of not uncommon accidents. They’d been childhood best friends; Ro knew all his secrets and loved him anyway. He loved her, too. Trusted her. He thought he knew all her secrets. Looking at her now, doubt wriggled in his stomach. She was hiding something from him. “Aurora?” He prodded into the widening chasm of silence between them. Ro ducked her head, hiding her face. Her fingers slid down the slick plastic, lightly pressing on the thin padding. A faint crinkling filled the quiet, small room Her fingers found the leg gathers. She poked and prodded, making sure his diaper was on just right. She was too focused on her task, fingers moving too slow. Deliberate, with too much concentration. Before the accident, diaper changes had been moments of intimacy between them. Ryo could handle his own diapers, and often did. He always felt so vulnerable when she changed him, giving her control over this most intimate aspect of his life. He also felt so loved, accepted, and protected. Cherished. Precious. This was her way of showing him how much she loved him. Even now, as she tried to hide something from him, she still tried to stay close to him. She tried to reassure him by changing his diaper. To show without words how much she loved him. I love you, but I don't want you to know about this. During a normal diaper change, as she wiped, powdered and diapered him, she would look at him. Smile. Make silly faces or blow a raspberry on his stomach. He’d roll his eyes at the juvenile teasing she’d never grown out of, then he’d stick his tongue out or try to tickle her back. Now, she avoided his gaze and acted like this was the first time she’d ever changed his diaper. Ryo glanced at the balled up, wet medical diaper. It was at the bottom of the bed, by his right ankle. The left side of the mattress, where his lower leg and foot should have been, was empty. He winced, quickly shutting his eyes. Aurora handled his missing limb better than he did. It had been weeks since the accident, and the sight of his stump still churned his stomach. Mere weeks since the last time he’d surfed. Since his near fatal encounter with a great white. Surfing was in his blood; his mother and grandfather were avid surfers. Ryo had grown up surfing; he’d even placed first in a few local competitions. His grandfather owned a surfing shop where he made custom boards. Ryo often helped him. Surfing was Ryo’s hobby, but most of his money came from modeling contracts. All surfers knew the danger lurking below the waves. They knew the risk getting into the ocean. He’d seen scars of shark bites on some avid surfers. He’d seen boards with huge, jagged bites. He realized the danger in the rational part of his brain, but a small part of him had insisted it would never happen to him. That insular bubble of ignorance had been popped by serrated shark teeth. Now, his life was like his missing leg; crushed and shredded. He didn’t know where to start picking up the pieces. The only thing he did know deep down in his bones was he had to protect Ro from making the same mistake he did. Ro had grown up diving. Her mother ran a diving school and her father worked for the local zoo and aquarium, cleaning and maintaining the huge, deep tanks. He was a retired abalone diver. Ro helped her mother run the school in the off seasons of abalone hunting. It was too lucrative to pass up. She could make a hundred thousand dollars in under fifty days. Those mollusk delicacies were so expensive partly due to the dangers involved in harvesting them. Abalone season coincided with great white breeding season. The father of Ryo and Ro’s friend Sheila had been an abalone diver who’d been killed by a great white. Ryo had lost his leg to a great white. His leg, his surfing, his modeling. Life as he knew it was changed. He couldn’t lose his heart, too. His Aurora. “I don’t like these hospital diapers. They’re too thin. Fourth leak already. You need better protection. Your bottom’s a little red, too. I think you’re getting a diaper rash. The nurses aren’t changing you enough. I’ll have a word with them when I leave.” Ro ran out of reasons to keep fussing with his diaper. He felt her tug down his thin hospital gown from where it was bunched up by his armpits. The gown hid his diaper; the hem brushed the knee of his right leg and the bandaged stump of his left. She covered his lower half with a scratchy, puke-green blanket. “It’s not so bad. They only leak if I’m not changed on time. The one nurse’s aide is always late. The blue haired girl with the nose ring.” Ryo managed to catch her gaze for a second before her eyes skittered away. “I need to throw this out.” Ro mumbled and hastily snatched up the used diaper that was squishy and cold with his pee. She carried it to the red biohazard bin. He frowned at her back. He wriggled his hips, adjusting his position on the mattress. His diaper crinkled loudly in response. His night diapers at home were just as noisy, but they were thicker. He felt more secure with more padding. He’d also feel more secure if Ro would just promise him… Sharp pain shot through his stump, cutting off his train of thought. He gasped. In that lightning strike of pain, he almost felt his missing leg and foot. Phantom sensations from raw, damaged nerves. He squeezed his eyes shut, hands fisting in the blanket. He was never going to get used to this. Not even his diapers could comfort him. His bedwetting and frequent accidents when he couldn’t get to a toilet fast enough were sources of shame. Diapers had always comforted him; made him feel safe, secure and protected. They boosted his confidence. He did lose some modeling gigs due to his incontinence issues. Pullups and diapers kept his pants and bedding dry. Pullups were quiet and discreet, even if they leaked sooner than a thick, thirsty diaper. At his quiet gasp, Ro instantly whirled and rushed to his bedside. She held one of his hands while her other hand touched his forehead. “What hurts? Where? Baby, do you want me to get a nurse?” She gingerly squeezed his slender fingers. Her concern poured over him in waves, reassuring him she still cared despite trying to ignore him. Ignore the important question he’d asked her. The promise he wanted her to make. She was here today, but he wanted her here always. Not callously throwing her life away for money. His stump still throbbed, waves of discomfort sloshing over his body. He felt tired, drained. As if the diaper change and one little movement sapped all his strength. The diaper change hadn’t been so bad; Ro had done all the work. The nurses had taught her the techniques to change him without jostling his injured limb. He could get through a diaper change with minimal problems since someone else did the lifting and moving while he stayed relatively still. When he moved the muscles on his injured leg, it felt like setting off fireworks if he moved too quick, too careless. Ryo smiled weakly up at Ro. Her fingers ran through his hair just the way he liked. “I’m fine. Just moved too quick. Even with this in-” He held up his hand with the IV line. “It still hurts like a bitch.” “You don’t look so good. I’ll go get a nurse.” Her fingers trailed down the side of his pretty face, brushing over his soft cheek. Her gray eyes probed him, searching for indicators he was down playing the amount of pain he was in. “Don’t. Really. I’m fine. Promise.” At that word, he bit his lip and dropped his eyes as he remembered the wedge between them. The promise Ro refused to make. The pain had shoved his worry and emotional turmoil aside. Now it was back, but this time he had Ro’s attention. “Baby? What hurts?” He closed his eyes and shook his head. He suddenly felt overwhelmed and helpless. He couldn’t protect her. All he could do was beg to stay out of the water and pray she’d listen. He felt her lean closer. Salty ocean tang filled his nostrils; he knew where she’d spent most of her morning. His stomach churned. Thoughts of her being bitten like him made him dizzy. His head swam with images of gray fins, white teeth opened wide and Aurora’s severed limbs floating in bloody water. He wanted to puke. “Tell me. Ryo, what’s wrong?” Ro’s hand cupped his cheek, her thumb stroking his cheekbone. Her pleading tone nearly broke him. Nightmares of the shark attack haunted his sleep. Sometimes he was eaten. Sometimes Aurora. The vivid images and emotions bled into his waking hours, filling him with dread. He’d told her about them numerous times, but she just brushed them aside as emotional trauma. Just like the doctors. He still couldn’t shake those feelings, even if his headstrong wife refused to listen. He took a deep breath and opened his eyes. He stared down at his blanket covered stump. Below his left knee, the blanket lay flat on the mattress. He had to protect Ro, even from herself. She would only continue to ignore and avoid the subject if he tried to talk to her again. He knew she planned to go abalone hunting in shark infested waters, which was why he was so desperate to get her to promise him not to do it. He wanted her to tell him about her plans. She just countered with “No, I’m not thinking about it,” then changed the subject or ignored him. “Ryo. Talk to me, baby.” Her arms, strong and warm, wrapped around him as she leaned further over the bed. “Sheila and Marvin came by this morning. Sheila got a new boat. She named it after her father. Marvin showed me pictures. You were with them. You never told me.” He spoke softly. The pain of Ro’s betrayal filled his voice as a few stray tears trickled down his cheeks. Those quiet words struck Ro like hammer blows. He felt her stiffen as she realized the truth. He knew everything she’d tried to keep hidden from him. Marvin had spilled the beans; Sheila had asked Ro to be her diver for abalone season. Ro hadn’t answered, but she was seriously considering it. Leaning towards yes. She refused to discuss any of it with Ryo. Ryo knew in her mind, the matter was already settled. Not up for discussion. She’d been diving for years; of course she’d do it again. He never objected before because he’d brushed aside the dangers. Now reality had bitten him in the leg and woke him up. He was terrified of Ro getting attacked. She didn’t want to talk about it. Perhaps she was still in denial about it happening to her. Frustrated tears leaked from his eyes and splashed onto her hand. Ro shuddered at the warm wetness. Her lips pressed against his forehead in a sloppy kiss. “Ryo. Baby. Don’t. Shh. Don’t cry. Please.” She hugged him hard. He made no effort to stop his tears as they fell faster. He surrendered to the emotions he’d been fighting since Sheila and Marvin’s visit. His bubble of denial had been brutally popped. The dangers of the deep were real, and they could happen to anyone. A hard life lesson that cost him a leg. He didn’t want it to cost him Ro, too. Didn’t want Ro learning that lesson. They were talking in circles, chasing each other. He couldn’t take it anymore. “I don’t know what to do.” A tremor ran down his slim body. He didn’t feel the front of his thin diaper grow wet as he peed. A sob tore his throat. He didn’t want Ro to give up something she loved, something she’d been doing all her life. He just wished she’d dive in safer waters instead of great white ground zero. Where the abalone grew; where the money was. "Shh. It's alright, baby. We'll figure it out. It's okay." Ro's honeyed voice washed over him as she tried to calm him. He tasted the venom of lies in her sugary words. It was not okay. There was nothing to figure out. She was not open to listening to him. Screw him and his feelings, so long as Ro got to do what she wanted to do. Even if it cost them her life. His tears fell like rain, soaking his pillow and her shirt. His slender body shuddered with hard sobs as he broke down. Ro held him, stroking his hair and kissing his wet face, trying to soothe him. The gentle tugging pressure of her fingers in his short hair usually soothed him, but not today. Minutes ticked by on the cock and still he cried. He sobbed until his eyes were red and swollen, nose running, and throat hoarse. Eventually his sobs died down to sniffles and his shaking died down to fine trembles. He clung to Ro like a lifeline, as if he could anchor her here with him. Safe and sound. He pressed his face into her shoulder and she hugged him harder. “Don’t leave me.” He whispered hoarsely. Her neck was warm and wet from his tears. “Ryo? I’m not going anywhere, baby. I’m right here.” Her tone was startled. “Please, Ro. I love you. I don’t..I can’t...if I lost you...I...just can’t.” His words tumbled over each other and fell in a jumbled heap from his mouth. “Oh.” Her arms tightened around him in realization of what he meant. He clung to her like a drowning man. Was she finally opening up to listening, or would she simply serve him more denials and platitudes? “Oh, Ryo…” She sighed and trailed off. His heart twisted. “Please, Ro.” Here we go round again. I don't know what else to do. How do I reach you? Please, please. Just listen. “Promise me. Stay out of the water. Just this season. Please. We’ll be okay. You’re more important than the money. Please. Promise me.” He stared up at her, saw the hesitancy in her face. His vision blurred with renewed, tired tears. She's never going to listen. I'm going to lose her. He crumbled, crying again. His head was full of images from his nightmares. Sheila coming to visit him, telling him he’d never see Ro again. Police wanting him to identify his wife’s bitten remains. Maybe this really was just trauma from his own brush with hungry death. Maybe he needed therapy. The irrational fear clung to his heart, denying him rest. Never far from thoughts. He needed to know Ro was safe on land as desperately as he needed air to breathe. “Ryo, no. Don’t…” His sobs drowned out her words. She hugged him hard, rocking him. Running her fingers through his hair again. Pleading with him to stop crying. “Okay. Okay. Shh. Please, Ryo. Calm down. I’ll tell Sheila no if it means that much to you. I promise. No diving. I’ll tell Sheila no. I promise. Just shhh.” She cooed. “Please.” He sniffled Her words soothed the savage beast that was his fear. They still rang hollow in his ears. Drowned by his own desperation. “I promise, Ryo. I promise. Oh, baby. Shh. I promise.” Ro started humming his favorite tune. She continued to run her fingers through his short black hair until he fell asleep.

Heya, having suffered with incontinence my whole life I made a pact with myself (see "Living with Incontinence" post) to not let my disability stop me from doing anything. I found that going to the beach however did prove one of the hardest past times to enjoy properly. I just wanted to share how I manage and hopefully get an insight in how other genuinely incontinent people (hopefully females as to get some tips) go about enjoying themselves there. First things first I'm not a massive swimmer which does make things easier as the range of adult swim protection is limited and only really caters for

This is a repost. I'll add more later. THE MAN IN THE GRAY SUIT by Cute Kitten ( CK) “Ro? You promise?" The hospital pillow was flat and lumpy, almost as uncomfortable as the mattress. Ryo missed his own bed that cradled and supported him just right. He also missed the familiar, soothing surroundings of his home. Most of all, he missed Aurora. Ro. Her smile. Her carefree laughter. Her sarcasm. He hadn’t seen her smile since the accident. He never realized how much he depended on her until his world was turned upside down. She was his rock; his strength. She had always been, ever since they were best friends as children. Being with her always felt so natural; like their destiny was with each other. Their love written in the stars. Romeo and Juliet without all the drama and death. Robin Hood and Maid Marian. Mark Antony and Cleopatra. Tristan and Isolde. Ryosuke and Aurora. They were an odd couple despite how easy and natural being with each other was. Ryosuke was the pretty one. The effeminate one of the couple. He’d worn the white dress when they got married on a beach at sunset, the warm waves lapping at their ankles. He’d had a diaper on under his dress. He was clearly male but mixed with a haunting feminine beauty that made him a favorite of the modeling world. Part of that beauty came from his Japanese heritage. Ro was his opposite. She was no beauty queen, but she cleaned up nice when she bothered to care about her appearance. As long as he’d known her, she’d been a total tomboy who hated dresses as much as she loved the ocean. Night and day; so different but they completed each other. Even paradise had its problems; disagreements and differences of opinions. Each had different priorities. Hers was money. His was her life. Ro didn’t answer. Her head was bent over his hairless, freshly diapered crotch. She was taking much too long with this diaper change, dragging it out and avoiding eye contact. Her gaze focused on the front panel of his diaper as she pressed down on the tapes. She ran her fingers over the smooth, thick plastic to make sure it was fastened tight. Ryo stared at her, but her face was carefully blank. Her mouth was in a straight line, her eyes blank. Neutral. Guarded. Trying to hide her emotions and thoughts by acting like she hadn’t heard him. Her silence spoke volumes. Ro diapering him was nothing new; she’d been changing his diapers since their relationship turned serious when they were eighteen. They were twenty three now; Ro was several months older than him. She’d changed his diapers throughout their dating, engagement, and now their marriage. He’d always had bladder problems; he’d never been out of diapers at night and he wore pullups during the day in case of not uncommon accidents. They’d been childhood best friends; Ro knew all his secrets and loved him anyway. He loved her, too. Trusted her. He thought he knew all her secrets. Looking at her now, doubt wriggled in his stomach. She was hiding something from him. “Aurora?” He prodded into the widening chasm of silence between them. Ro ducked her head, hiding her face. Her fingers slid down the slick plastic, lightly pressing on the thin padding. A faint crinkling filled the quiet, small room Her fingers found the leg gathers. She poked and prodded, making sure his diaper was on just right. She was too focused on her task, fingers moving too slow. Deliberate, with too much concentration. Before the accident, diaper changes had been moments of intimacy between them. Ryo could handle his own diapers, and often did. He always felt so vulnerable when she changed him, giving her control over this most intimate aspect of his life. He also felt so loved, accepted, and protected. Cherished. Precious. This was her way of showing him how much she loved him. Even now, as she tried to hide something from him, she still tried to stay close to him. She tried to reassure him by changing his diaper. To show without words how much she loved him. During a normal diaper change, as she wiped, powdered and diapered him, she would look at him. Smile. Make silly faces or blow a raspberry on his stomach. He’d roll his eyes at the juvenile teasing she’d never grown out of, then he’d stick his tongue out or try to tickle her back. Now, she avoided his gaze and acted like this was the first time she’d ever changed his diaper. Ryo glanced at the balled up, wet medical diaper. It was at the bottom of the bed, by his right ankle. The left side of the mattress, where his lower leg and foot should have been, was empty. He winced, quickly shutting his eyes. Aurora handled his missing limb better than he did. It had been weeks since the accident, and the sight of his stump still churned his stomach. Mere weeks since the last time he’d surfed. Since his near fatal encounter with a great white. Surfing was in his blood; his mother and grandfather were avid surfers. Ryo had grown up surfing; he’d even placed first in a few local competitions. His grandfather owned a surfing shop where he made custom boards. Ryo often helped him. Surfing was Ryo’s hobby, but most of his money came from modeling contracts. All surfers knew the danger lurking below the waves. They knew the risk getting into the ocean. He’d seen scars of shark bites on some avid surfers. He’d seen boards with huge, jagged bites. He realized the danger in the rational part of his brain, but a small part of him had insisted it would never happen to him. That insular bubble of ignorance had been popped by serrated shark teeth. Now, his life was like his missing leg; crushed and shredded. He didn’t know where to start picking up the pieces. The only thing he did know deep down in his bones was he had to protect Ro from making the same mistake he did. Ro had grown up diving. Her mother ran a diving school and her father worked for the local zoo and aquarium, cleaning and maintaining the huge, deep tanks. He was a retired abalone diver. Ro helped her mother run the school in the off seasons of abalone hunting. It was too lucrative to pass up. She could make a hundred thousand dollars in under fifty days. Those mollusk delicacies were so expensive partly due to the dangers involved in harvesting them. Abalone season coincided with great white breeding season. The father of Ryo and Ro’s friend Sheila had been an abalone diver who’d been killed by a great white. Ryo had lost his leg to a great white. His leg, his surfing, his modeling. Life as he knew it was changed. He couldn’t lose his heart, too. His Aurora. “I don’t like these hospital diapers. They’re too thin. Fourth leak already. You need better protection. Your bottom’s a little red, too. I think you’re getting a diaper rash. The nurses aren’t changing you enough. I’ll have a word with them when I leave.” Ro ran out of reasons to keep fussing with his diaper. He felt her tug down his thin hospital gown from where it was bunched up by his armpits. The gown hid his diaper; the hem brushed the knee of his right leg and the bandaged stump of his left. She covered his lower half with a scratchy, puke-green blanket. “It’s not so bad. They only leak if I’m not changed on time. The one nurse’s aide is always late. The blue haired girl with the nose ring.” Ryo managed to catch her gaze for a second before her eyes skittered away. “I need to throw this out.” Ro mumbled and hastily snatched up the used diaper that was squishy and cold with his pee. She carried it to the red biohazard bin. He frowned at her back. He wriggled his hips, adjusting his position on the mattress. His diaper crinkled loudly in response. His night diapers at home were just as noisy, but they were thicker. He felt more secure with more padding. He’d also feel more secure if Ro would just promise him… Sharp pain shot through his stump, cutting off his train of thought. He gasped. In that lightning strike of pain, he almost felt his missing leg and foot. Phantom sensations from raw, damaged nerves. He squeezed his eyes shut, hands fisting in the blanket. He was never going to get used to this. Not even his diapers could comfort him. His bedwetting and frequent accidents when he couldn’t get to a toilet fast enough were sources of shame. Diapers had always comforted him; made him feel safe, secure and protected. They boosted his confidence. He did lose some modeling gigs due to his incontinence issues. Pullups and diapers kept his pants and bedding dry. Pullups were quiet and discreet, even if they leaked sooner than a thick, thirsty diaper. At his quiet gasp, Ro instantly whirled and rushed to his bedside. She held one of his hands while her other hand touched his forehead. “What hurts? Where? Baby, do you want me to get a nurse?” She gingerly squeezed his slender fingers. Her concern poured over him in waves, reassuring him she still cared despite trying to ignore him. Ignore the important question he’d asked her. The promise he wanted her to make. She was here today, but he wanted her here always. Not callously throwing her life away for money. His stump still throbbed, waves of discomfort sloshing over his body. He felt tired, drained. As if the diaper change and one little movement sapped all his strength. The diaper change hadn’t been so bad; Ro had done all the work. The nurses had taught her the techniques to change him without jostling his injured limb. He could get through a diaper change with minimal problems since someone else did the lifting and moving while he stayed relatively still. When he moved the muscles on his injured leg, it felt like setting off fireworks if he moved too quick, too careless. Ryo smiled weakly up at Ro. Her fingers ran through his hair just the way he liked. “I’m fine. Just moved too quick. Even with this in-” He held up his hand with the IV line. “It still hurts like a bitch.” “You don’t look so good. I’ll go get a nurse.” Her fingers trailed down the side of his pretty face, brushing over his soft cheek. Her gray eyes probed him, searching for indicators he was down playing the amount of pain he was in. “Don’t. Really. I’m fine. Promise.” At that word, he bit his lip and dropped his eyes as he remembered the wedge between them. The promise Ro refused to make. The pain had shoved his worry and emotional turmoil aside. Now it was back, but this time he had Ro’s attention. “Baby? What hurts?” He closed his eyes and shook his head. He suddenly felt overwhelmed and helpless. He couldn’t protect her. All he could do was beg to stay out of the water and pray she’d listen. He felt her lean closer. Salty ocean tang filled his nostrils; he knew where she’d spent most of her morning. His stomach churned. Thoughts of her being bitten like him made him dizzy. His head swam with images of gray fins, white teeth opened wide and Aurora’s severed limbs floating in bloody water. He wanted to puke. “Tell me. Ryo, what’s wrong?” Ro’s hand cupped his cheek, her thumb stroking his cheekbone. Her pleading tone nearly broke him. Nightmares of the shark attack haunted his sleep. Sometimes he was eaten. Sometimes Aurora. The vivid images and emotions bled into his waking hours, filling him with dread. He’d told her about them numerous times, but she just brushed them aside as emotional trauma. Just like the doctors. He still couldn’t shake those feelings, even if his headstrong wife refused to listen.

Hi everyone. Just stopping in to vent. That is if this actually gets posted. Usually I write these long missives, feel better just by writing or more often, hate what I have written and just delete it all. And yes, I

Yesterday I woke up with the sun streaming through the window first time in a long while that it seemed summer is on the way. I got up and without even thinking about it I went to my LG wardrobe and picked out a cute outfit, dora the explore print pink dress, hello kitty nappy cover and white ankle socks with yellow lace trim. Usually I have to consider whether or not to dress but yesterday it just seemed so natural to pick out a cute little summer outfit. I even went to bed last night in just a nappy and jungle print onsie Same thing today woke up with the shine shining and I pick out another cute outfit unfortunately I had to run an errand so I just laid it out on my bed till I got back home. today is my white strappy summer dress with strawberry print accents on the skirt matching strawberry print nappy cover and I have a princess print baby tee on underneath with purple frilly socks and my Disney princess pumps. So what makes you guys throw caution to wind or just not even think about wearing anything else but your LG pretties?