Wannatripbaby

Can’t help wondering if I really exist or not. I’ve been trying to make friends for the past three years and hardly anyone gives any response, positive or negative 

Hoo boy, it's been a while since I've been here! I've basically been absent since I announced I was moving in with my Littles, Aj & Renee. 

So what all has brought me back here? Well... 

I'm flying back to South Carolina on July 13th.

Things between me, Renee, and Aj just sorta didn't work out. And over the last month or so some pretty serious shit went down that made me question a lot of my life decisions. And I finally realized something:
I'm not polyamourous.
I am a 100% monogamous man. 
I know, tragic right?
This meant two things: firstly it meant I'd never be the Daddy Aj deserved. Because all my efforts would always go towards Renee. Not because of anything he was doing wrong, but simply because it's in my nature to only be able to maintain 1 serious relationship at a time. And that's not fair to him.
But the other thing I realized was even worse: Renee would never be the partner I needed her to be. Because from day 1 I always felt like I was in competition for her affections with Aj. And even if Aj were out of the picture she still probably couldn't give me what I need because she just isn't wired that way. And it took me 10 months of feeling neglected to finally realize that. 
So I talked to them about it, which ended in me bawling like a baby (Ironic, I know) and they were very supportive and agreed that if I feel I can't be happy with them then I should go back home. There are no hard feelings. We tried something unconventional and it just didn't work out. The only mistake would be trying to stay in an unhealthy relationship until I can "make it work" which would never happen.
This past year has been the best and worst year of my life. My heart may be broken, but I'll be returning home to a loving family & friends. Stronger and wiser than I was when I left. 
 

Posted a new story!

Called Chill Out Mom!!  The modern kinky tale of an abdl daughter leading her mommy to infantalism.  

Be sure to comment or you'll have to suffer because it is nearly a 100 pages in only 7 chapters.  Compress the page people!!  Also, unlike Truth or Dare, this is still an ongoing story.

Also, I've apparantly been upgraded to toddler!  (Blows raspberry).  

Posted a new story!

Called Chill Out Mom!!  The modern kinky tale of an abdl daughter leading her mommy to infantalism.  

Be sure to comment or you'll have to suffer because it is nearly a 100 pages in only 7 chapters.  Compress the page people!!  Also, unlike Truth or Dare, this is still an ongoing story.

Also, I've apparantly been upgraded to toddler!  (Blows raspberry).  

Just uploaded my final 3 chapters for Truth or Dare

chapters 15 - 17.  Enjoy!  And prepare to be disappointed!

Looking for irl diaper friends around Dayton, OH. What's the best way to start here on DD?

I just uploaded chapters 5 - 10 for Truth or Dare to make up for slacking off.

Daily Diapers confusing me and nothing makes sense with the lack of buttons!

Totally an infant here.  LOL.  Editing here is hard!

You don't have to be anyone's savior.  Take care of yourself! ?

(Some gentle words for those who need them!)

With so much change to my life I have slowly run into one problem. What am I even doing? I keep working every night and forgetting. I work to build the life I wants and spend my time working to build want I need and need time to do what I want.

Endless loop.

What I want to happiness. Simple but never going to be a thing.

Happiness means I need money and people and things. At least... it does in my head.

Finding what I want and need is becoming a long thought in my head.

So, did anybody here actually go to Area 51 today? ?

So, did anybody here actually go to Area 51 today? ?

So, did anybody here actually go to Area 51 today? ?

Man, being part of the ABDL community is great. Where else would someone think it’s cute that I’m legitimately still in diapers at my age or that I’m cool because I pee my pants? ?

At the risk of sounding needy and pathetic, I am feeling really alone today.

I'm sorry I wasn't on here for awhile, but I'm here if you need me. ❤❤❤

I love you, Sweetheart❤

Writing is about the best anyone is going to get out of me anymore. I'm not going to answer messages or reply to comments, I'm just going to write some stuff now and then and stay in my lane. If this doesn't work for you I am gesturing vaguely toward the door for your benefit. 

Update: Still alive, still paralyzed, still incontinent, still depressed, still angry, still moving, still not up to talking, still appreciative that people care.

So I haven't been very active on here in a while. But I thought it was time to let you all know something that's been going on in my life. A big thing. Perhaps bigger than anything I've faced before.

As some of you know, I'm an Online CG with several Littles. Two of them, Melly and Sammi, actually live together in Virginia.

But they recently got kicked out of their apartment because their landlord is a queerphobic (*String of unintelligible expletives*) bastard. And now Melly (Who is Trans) feels like it's all her fault because of who she is. She feels that she's the sole reason they can't find an apartment they can afford and she can't get a job because no one will hire "a freak" (her words not mine.)

Normally I'm so good at helping my Littles through even the most dire of problems, but this time I don't know what to do! I've never experienced anything close to this. I want to help so badly but I'm several states away without a car, a license, a job, and about $100 to my name. I just don't know what to do. :(

I know that I'm probably hurting a lot of you by not responding to your comments and messages, I'm not doing it to be rude and I don't want you to think I don't care or appreciate you, it's just that conversation is really hard for me right now.

I have news about what's going on with me. I'm moving soon, within the next few days probably. There have been conversations that I was not involved in until the decision was made for me by my aunt and cousin regarding my situation. For a refresher, my situation is that I'm paralyzed, down a leg, depressed, suicidal, I've been hearing and seeing things that shouldn't be real, I don't sleep, I started drinking again after being sober for a little over five years, all the things that make me a treat to be around. Anyway, the decision was made that I would move in with my aunt and she and my cousin would basically tag team taking care of me.

My suggestion that they both fuck off and let me spiral out of control was soundly rejected. The point was made that I can't properly take care of myself now that I can't work, can't walk, can't control my bodily functions, yeah, on top of everything I'm also incontinent now which is basically just the icing on the cake.

I spend all my time in her room. Her bed smells like her and one of my pillows smells like the girl I was seeing so I just lay in the bed and hold those pillows and cry. I talk to them and cry. I see them and cry.

I wasn't conscious in the car before they got us out and I went to the hospital, but I see them in the apartment. Roommate is bent in unnatural ways, she's never right in front of me, always just kind of on the fringe but I know it's her because even though she talks to me and her voice is thick and wet sounding, she's still her. She asks me why I'm trying to live without her, why I spend all my time clinging to the things she left behind and the memories of her when I could be with her just by giving up. She makes giving up sound natural and wonderful but when I have the pills or the razor in my hand I freeze up and just shut down.

The girl I was seeing doesn't tell me to give up on life, she just mocks me. She's much harder to listen to because her voice comes out of the gash in her throat and there's this flapping, crackling sound every time she talks and it scares me. She tells me that I get to live my ridiculous fantasy life now, being a helpless and pathetic baby trapped in a woman's body. She laughs at me laying on the bed crying when I smell what I've done in my diaper, her laughter is gurgly and awful and no matter what I do I can't block it out.

TL;DR: I'm apparently in the middle of either a complete mental breakdown or a haunting and neither are great things. I'm well on my way to becoming a horrible parody of the worst ABDL stories I've ever read. I am days away from suffering more humiliation and indignity than I can possibly begin to imagine. I'm still terrible at killing myself. I have a lot of people pulling for me and sending me love and support but none of it is tangible and I hate that. I hate feeling so incredibly grateful that people care about me but remain alone and suffering. 

*sigh* Anyway, I've whined and moped as much as I care to. I'll try and send out some messages before it gets dark, they tend to show up more at night for whatever reason.

Why am I still here? Why did I survive? Why can't I give up and let go, to end this pain once and for all? All I want to do is die but I can't do it.

I think about them and I cry or rage. I think about being stuck in this fucking chair forever and I cry and I rage. I hate everything and want to be alone to die but then I think about how I just want to have someone hold me and take care of me and make everything better.

There is so much darkness inside me that I feel nothing but the worst emotions. I wish I hadn't survived. 

There was an accident and the girl I had just started seeing, my roommate, and her girlfriend were all killed. I was in a coma for a while, lost one of my legs, and probably won't ever walk again and I'm in so much pain because of everthing that I'm giving up, this is too much.

I'm sorry for those of you that have grown attached to me and I'm sorry that I'm not strong enough to deal with this.

Goodbye.

So....that vaguely D&D related story just turned into two stories in my thinky brain and I can't wait to work on both this weekend. I know that's not much information to go on, but since only one person besides me cares about it it's good enough.

Did someone say "RambleLamb should write a vaguely D&D related ABDL short but not one shot short story"? No? My mistake then.

OR

Currently working on a story that will only be posted on my DeviantArt page as it's...dark, like really dark. I don't expect anyone to read it, and those that do will probably hate it because it's not sexy, but I'm trying some different things with it and exploring some tones and themes that I feel make for an interesting read but what the fuck do I know?!

Anyway, I'll say something here when it's up and if you happen to check it out maybe let me know what you thought here or there or not at all, whatever works for you.

So, I had a super scary stalkery type situation come up recently, this person knew where I lived and had my personal email and was threatening to expose me to my work and friends. I exposed myself to take away their power over me, and I'm still alive, so there's that.

I'm not sure where the person was able to get my personal information from, it doesn't really matter, I've done everything in my power to keep myself safe and if they're still planning to do something I'll deal with that too.