![[DD] Boards & Chat](https://www.dailydiapers.com/board/uploads/monthly_2021_11/DDweb-02.png.0c06f38ea7c6e581d61ce22dffdea106.png)
 |
 |
ELLIE52
-
Posts
1,766 -
Joined
-
Days Won
2
Content Type
Profiles
Forums
Gallery
Articles
Store
Status Replies posted by ELLIE52
-
I know that I'm probably hurting a lot of you by not responding to your comments and messages, I'm not doing it to be rude and I don't want you to think I don't care or appreciate you, it's just that conversation is really hard for me right now.
I have news about what's going on with me. I'm moving soon, within the next few days probably. There have been conversations that I was not involved in until the decision was made for me by my aunt and cousin regarding my situation. For a refresher, my situation is that I'm paralyzed, down a leg, depressed, suicidal, I've been hearing and seeing things that shouldn't be real, I don't sleep, I started drinking again after being sober for a little over five years, all the things that make me a treat to be around. Anyway, the decision was made that I would move in with my aunt and she and my cousin would basically tag team taking care of me.
My suggestion that they both fuck off and let me spiral out of control was soundly rejected. The point was made that I can't properly take care of myself now that I can't work, can't walk, can't control my bodily functions, yeah, on top of everything I'm also incontinent now which is basically just the icing on the cake.
I spend all my time in her room. Her bed smells like her and one of my pillows smells like the girl I was seeing so I just lay in the bed and hold those pillows and cry. I talk to them and cry. I see them and cry.
I wasn't conscious in the car before they got us out and I went to the hospital, but I see them in the apartment. Roommate is bent in unnatural ways, she's never right in front of me, always just kind of on the fringe but I know it's her because even though she talks to me and her voice is thick and wet sounding, she's still her. She asks me why I'm trying to live without her, why I spend all my time clinging to the things she left behind and the memories of her when I could be with her just by giving up. She makes giving up sound natural and wonderful but when I have the pills or the razor in my hand I freeze up and just shut down.
The girl I was seeing doesn't tell me to give up on life, she just mocks me. She's much harder to listen to because her voice comes out of the gash in her throat and there's this flapping, crackling sound every time she talks and it scares me. She tells me that I get to live my ridiculous fantasy life now, being a helpless and pathetic baby trapped in a woman's body. She laughs at me laying on the bed crying when I smell what I've done in my diaper, her laughter is gurgly and awful and no matter what I do I can't block it out.
TL;DR: I'm apparently in the middle of either a complete mental breakdown or a haunting and neither are great things. I'm well on my way to becoming a horrible parody of the worst ABDL stories I've ever read. I am days away from suffering more humiliation and indignity than I can possibly begin to imagine. I'm still terrible at killing myself. I have a lot of people pulling for me and sending me love and support but none of it is tangible and I hate that. I hate feeling so incredibly grateful that people care about me but remain alone and suffering.
*sigh* Anyway, I've whined and moped as much as I care to. I'll try and send out some messages before it gets dark, they tend to show up more at night for whatever reason.
-
I am going to be quick about this and suggest the Shepherd Center as a possibility for rehabilitation. I had a coworker who went there, and it helped him gain independence after a severe injury. I'm not saying it is the right thing in your case, Ramble, just putting it out there as food for thought when you are ready to think about it.
-
-
Why am I still here? Why did I survive? Why can't I give up and let go, to end this pain once and for all? All I want to do is die but I can't do it.
I think about them and I cry or rage. I think about being stuck in this fucking chair forever and I cry and I rage. I hate everything and want to be alone to die but then I think about how I just want to have someone hold me and take care of me and make everything better.
There is so much darkness inside me that I feel nothing but the worst emotions. I wish I hadn't survived.
-
I wish there was a way I could take some of your pain away and help you through this. You have had such loss, grief, and despair lately that of course you are upset, outraged, and in severe shock. I don't think you can work through any problems right now emotionally or physically without the medical profession trying to offer you some healing and solace in all the ways that they can.
This hurts to see you in so much pain and not be able to help. I have a question. I don't know if you will answer, but maybe you will, Ramble. Why do you say you will never walk again .... Did the doctors tell you that you will not be able to use a prosthesis? or is there paralysis?
I cannot imagine the pain, grief, and suffering you are going through. Too many losses in such a short time, and you are going through the agony of emotional and physical grief. Please don't give up.
-
-
Don't you have to visit your profile to read your Blog?
-
Don't you have to visit your profile to read your Blog?
-
SERIOUS QUESTION: Let's say that you have underage characters in your story and you've reached a point where one of the characters discovers she's gay, even though she doesn't know what gay is, you know what I'm trying to say. Is it wrong or bad or bannable to have a kiss between two underage characters that is in no way sexual or erotic or inappropriate?
My stance as the artist is that this is relevant to the narrative at this point in the story and since it isn't sexual or anything in nature it's fine, but I'm more open minded than some of the more cookie emoji denying folks in power, and I don't want my "0 warning points" to turn into "ALL THE WARNING POINTS!" because I wrote about a six and seven year old kissing once and it wasn't even a good kiss because they're too young to even know how it's supposed to be done.
I mean, they have those two cartoon toddlers that are naked all the time and married(?) as a parable for adulthood or whatever and they totes talk about sex stuff that they don't understand and everyone just accepted that shit and bought calendars for their desks with those things on them.
I'm gonna write my story my way and maintain my artistic vision and if someone gets peepee hurt about it and wants to call me out on it then I'll deal with that.
Thoughts?
-
When I was a kid, I really really liked another little girl, I was about 6. I didn't kiss her, I never thought about it. But what did happen, is I would feel an unbelievable tightening in my chest where I could hardly breathe when I thought about her. I had 2 boyfriends at the time, but they were just cute, no feelings like that.
At the time, I didn't understand it. But I never realized at that age, I liked girls alot. Later in my teens, I had figured that part out sort of. But it was only recently, going back in thought that I realized I had a serious crush on this little girl at that age. No realization at all then, just what is this feeling?
-
-
SERIOUS QUESTION: Let's say that you have underage characters in your story and you've reached a point where one of the characters discovers she's gay, even though she doesn't know what gay is, you know what I'm trying to say. Is it wrong or bad or bannable to have a kiss between two underage characters that is in no way sexual or erotic or inappropriate?
My stance as the artist is that this is relevant to the narrative at this point in the story and since it isn't sexual or anything in nature it's fine, but I'm more open minded than some of the more cookie emoji denying folks in power, and I don't want my "0 warning points" to turn into "ALL THE WARNING POINTS!" because I wrote about a six and seven year old kissing once and it wasn't even a good kiss because they're too young to even know how it's supposed to be done.
I mean, they have those two cartoon toddlers that are naked all the time and married(?) as a parable for adulthood or whatever and they totes talk about sex stuff that they don't understand and everyone just accepted that shit and bought calendars for their desks with those things on them.
I'm gonna write my story my way and maintain my artistic vision and if someone gets peepee hurt about it and wants to call me out on it then I'll deal with that.
Thoughts?
-
The Taboo Word: Diapers is now available for sale! I'm still waiting for Kindle, but that should come with the next few days! I appreciate any support & feedback! https://www.books2read.com/u/bzP9ZL
I look forward to writing the sequel!
-
Today is my birthday! 27 years old! <3 and tomorrow I'll be starting my week long staycation as my lovely boyfriend @Dr_J is coming for a visit :) what more could a girl ask for?
-
My mommy-type left me alone for the night. I edited Sightlines, played Slay the Spire...
And bought a straitjacket.
This was either a great idea, or a terrible idea. I'm up way past my bedtime and I guess this is what happens?
-
I've made 1000 posts on this website now! :O
I was hoping my score would cross 1000 before my post count did, but I'm apparently very talkative today. -
Making my plans to change location of new home and a sense of feeling at home I am making a list of items and a plan and list of expenses and studying and researching to relocate to Puerto Rico. The Us mainland is dead to me and the sooner i leave the better. Free at last...
-
Maybe it will be a good match for you. Better than the one where I think you said you were going to Las Vegas. I didn't think was a good choice for you. Just my opinion.
I'm sorry you have reached the point of bitterness with the mainland, but you can turn this around perhaps with a new beginning in the way you have stated. I wish you the best in your endeavor.
-
-
Making my plans to change location of new home and a sense of feeling at home I am making a list of items and a plan and list of expenses and studying and researching to relocate to Puerto Rico. The Us mainland is dead to me and the sooner i leave the better. Free at last...
-
Nostalgia always makes me feel so sick.. ;_;
-
I have to go for a few days, don't worry. I gave Breaking the Girl to tide you over
-
So, poll results still stand, but I had an idea that maybe opening a story challenge would be a fun thing for me to do. Basically it'd be a thing where people can suggest anything they want to challenge me to write, genre/style/random stipulation etc, and it goes on a list with the person's name so when I post it I can name them and they'll know i did it.
Problems are 1. I don't know how to set something like that up and 2. I'm not sure I've got enough draw to make such a thing interesting, meaning not enough people would participate, not that my close group of lovelies isn't more than capable of making such a thing work. <3
Any thoughts and suggestions on how I can make this a thing would be appreciated.
-
The stupid girl you're trying to reach has been disconnected, please forget she ever existed.
-
Has DD been running especially slow and laggy today for anyone else or is it just me?
-
Don't you just hate it when loved ones ignore you and friends turn their back on your very existence?
-
-
-
I feel like my life has been a David Lynch serial for the past six weeks
-
Lost my last grandparent
may 19 2018
-
ONE WEEK AND I'LL BE IN NEW YORK! I can't believe it's finally almost here!!!!
-
omfg CAPCon is a week away, I'm super excited and super nervous.
I really, really hope I run into at least ONE person there who likes my stories....
Sorry again I haven't posted anything lately, I might take a couple of nights off from my story with my mommy-type to pen another chapter or two just to show that I'm not abandoning the story!
-
Third time in about two weeks that MO_Baby_boy has come around. I wonder why. We have nothing in common
