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I apologize for the really late update for this story! A lot has been going on! For that I'm giving you the next 2 chapters! I have a feeling that there is only going to be a few chapters left after this. I really appreciate everyone enjoying this story! It's a bit different than how I normally write (as I'm just going with the flow on this one) Anywhere here is chapter 14 and 15!! Enjoy!! Chapter Fourteen “Daniel? Didn’t you just leave about an hour ago? Did you forget something?” Thomas asked Daniel as soon as he dashed inside the café. He was panting heavily, having run from Natalie’s house. “No – I,” He said as he shakes his head, trying to gather this breath. “Is Lilly still here?” “Lilly?” Thomas gave him a questioning look but then shook his head. “No, she left about twenty minutes ago. Why? What is going on between you two…” “Nothing,” Daniel said, and before Thomas could ask him anything more, Daniel was gone. He searched through his contacts on his phone, reaching Lilly’s number and calling her. It rang five times before – Hey! It’s Lilly! I’m probably either working or sleeping! Leave a message, and I’ll get back to ya! “Lilly! It’s Daniel. We need to talk. Please give me a callback.” He starts to wander around as he wasn’t sure where she lived so she couldn’t go to his place. He cursed at himself, wanting to cry and scream all at the same time. It was about five minutes later when his phone began to ring – it was Lilly. “Lilly! Thank goodness, I was afraid that you were going to ignore me…” “Daniel? What is going on? I thought you were going to Natalie’s place.” “I did, I just left…please, can we meet at my place? I need to talk to you.” “I don’t think that is such a good idea…Daniel…” “Please, Lilly!” Daniel begged of her. She deserved to know the truth, and he wanted answers as well. He can hear Lilly sigh on the phone. “Okay. I’ll be there in like 20 minutes, okay?” “Okay! Thanks so much, Lilly. I’ll see you then.” Daniel rushed back to his place as fast as he could, once he was there, he picked up around the house. It was only a few minutes later there was a knock on the door. There Lilly stood. “What did you want to talk about?” Lilly asked as she strode in his house. It appeared she was quite upset, but he couldn’t really blame her. He did a really shitty thing to her after all. “I wanted to talk about that kiss…” Daniel started to say, but Lilly stopped him, holding up her hand. “No. I thought we were done with this? I told you to choose Natalie. You liked her from the beginning. I don’t want you to start developing feelings for me JUST because you know who I am now.” “But that isn’t the case!” Daniel shouted out, causing Lilly to take a step backward, giving him a strange look. “I mean,” Daniel took a deep breath, “I’ll admit I never looked at you that way before I found out – but it just opened my eyes to the kind of person I’ve always known. I’m not looking at you as…as mommy Violet…I’m looking at you as Lilly, and I’m sorry it took me so long to acknowledge that fact.” Lilly didn’t say anything but just stared at him. Daniel wasn’t sure what was going through her mind. She ran her fingers through her long red hair, taking a deep breath. “That’s nice for you to say, Daniel…but I mean… I don’t think…” Daniel walked over to her, placing his hands upon her shoulders. “I really mean it, Lilly. I talked to Natalie about it…and well…we’ve said our goodbyes.” “You did?” Lilly asked, still looking unsure. “But…she’s gorgeous, and it seemed like she was okay with your fetish. I’m just…” “You’re great, you’re beautiful, and you’re kind, patient, bubbly, and positive…everything I knew about you. I just refused to look at you.” Daniel said. “Don’t get me wrong; my feelings for Natalie were genuine. I think she’s a great person and I like her. Can I see a future with her? Yes. But, I feel like I would be settling…it’s obvious we have a better connection…perhaps that is because of the fetish, I don’t know, but is that so wrong? Is it so wrong for me to want to explore these feelings? I’m sure you feel the same way. You get along great with Thomas. Probably can see things going future with him…but would it be the same?” Lilly looked at him. “I suppose that makes sense…” “I’m just trying to be upfront and honest about everything,” Daniel said, “I’ve only hurt everyone so far, and I’ve been such an asshole….but.” “I don’t think that,” Lilly said with a sigh, “I knew you were conflicted, so I made the decision to push you for Natalie because I believe it was the better option for you. I didn’t think that…I wasn’t sure if this could work.” “Then let’s give it a try.” “But, what if it ruins our friendship?” “But won’t you regret it if we don’t?” Daniel asked of her. “I’m tired of running away from my feelings, trying to force things that aren’t there. I want to take a leap of faith and dive into this. If you’ll have it.” “Yes,” Lilly said, and Daniel felt his heart leap. “Oh, really?! That’s awesome!” Daniel said as he reached forward and pulled her in a long hug. After he pulled her away, he grabbed his keys and her hand. “Come on, let’s go.” “Where are we going?” She asked him. “I don’t know. Somewhere. Anywhere. I feel like we should properly ‘date,’ right?” Daniel asked as he paused and looked at her. “Or is that a no?” Lilly laughed, such a beautiful laugh, “you’re adorable.” Daniel blushed at her words, turning his head away. “Oh, well…I just got excited, that’s all.” Lilly reached forward and grabbed his hand and pulled him closer to her. “I mean it,” she said with a smile, “come on, I know a cute little café – not our own – that we can visit.” “Sounds good,” Daniel looked back at her and smiled as they left his apartment, hand in hand. He felt happy. He couldn’t’ believe he was strolling down the street next to Lilly. It just felt right. It wasn’t as if his feelings for Natalie weren’t real. He did like her, and he enjoyed her company. But, something didn’t fit right, and he believed she felt it too, that is why it was so easy for them to say goodbye to each other without any hard feelings. “Here it is!” Lilly said as they walked a few blocks down the road, she pointed toward a small little café tucked into a little strip mall. “Their food is delicious!” “Looks great!” Daniel said as they headed in and sat down at a table. “I can’t believe this is happening,” Lilly said as she opened up her menu. “I honestly was starting to give up on you.” “I’m glad you didn’t,” Daniel said, “sorry that it took me so long…” “It probably wasn’t the right timing,” Lilly said, “after all…we were talking for…what like six months before we found out who we were.” “Well, you found out. I was too dumb to figure anything out.” Daniel pointed out. Lilly shook her head. “No, I don’t believe that. I just may have been a bit more attentive then you have. Plus, what were the chances that we would end up being so close to each other?” “That is true,” Daniel said. “So…everything you said…and did online…was umm real?” “Hello! I’m Jasmine, and I’ll be your server today. Can I get you anything to drink?” His words were interrupted as the waitress came over to them. “I’ll have strawberry lemonade,” Lilly said to her with a smile. “I’ll have a sweet tea,” Daniel said. “Okay, I’ll be right back.” The waitress said as she wrote something down on her notepad before leaving. Daniel turned his attention back to Lilly, hoping she would answer his question, but she was looking at the menu instead. “Everything looks so good,” Lilly mused, “I’m not sure what I should order.” “Lilly…” She sighed and lowered the menu. “I can’t believe you would ask such a thing. Of course, I was genuine. Weren’t you?” “Y-yes…” Daniel said. “It’s just a bit embarrassing…ya know.” “But you like that,” Lilly gave him a wink as she turned back to her menu and he felt himself sink lower. He was starting to see it now. Even though Lilly was younger than him and super bubbly, there was a ton in her voice and the way she spoke that made her sound precisely like Mommy Violet – it was her after all. “Yeah…that’s…true.” He mumbled as he looked over the menu. A few minutes later, the waitress returned to take their order. There was a silence that stretched between them for a few minutes before Lilly broke the silence. “Is this okay?” She asked of him. “It’s not going to be too awkward?” He shook his head. “I don’t think so…at least it doesn’t feel awkward now, does it?” “No, it doesn’t.” They spent the rest of their meal having small talk, before leaving. “Did you want to go to my place or…?” Daniel asked, not wanting the date to end already. Lilly smiled up at him. “Sounds great.” Daniel placed his hand in her hand, unsure what was going to happen once they got back to his place.  Chapter Fifteen “Here we are…” Daniel said as he opened his apartment door, and the two of them walked in. Lilly looked around the place for a moment before she turned and looked over to Daniel. “I don’t want to rush anything,” Lilly told him, “I want to be certain we are doing this for the right reasons…and not because of the fetish stuff.” “Yes, of course,” Daniel agreed with a nod of his head, “thinking of that….is a bit embarrassing anyway.” “However, I’m curious to see what your diaper collection looks like,” Lilly said with a smirk, and Daniel felt his cheeks burn. “Um, okay. They’re – uh – in my closet.” Lilly smirked as she left to enter his bedroom and went straight for his closet. He stood there at the doorway, unable to move. “Aww, these are cute!” Lilly said. “You never sent me pictures of you wearing this!” “I just got them not that long ago…” Daniel mumbled, feeling himself shrink down and starting to feel little as Lilly ran the diaper between her fingers. “I never actually got to feel one of these in real life, ya know.” “Really?” Daniel asked. “I told you before partners weren’t really okay with the whole thing,” Lilly said with a sigh as she placed the diaper down, “but this feels great. I’m sure it feels good for you to wear.” “Yeah…it does…” Lilly replaced the diapers where she found them and made her way over to Daniel. “I think I’m going to head out now.” “What? Already?” Lilly smiled. “I’m sorry, but I have to work in the morning. Even a mommy-type need her sleep.” Daniel blushed and nodded his head. “True, I’ll walk you to the door.” The two of them make their way to his door. “Do you want me to walk you home?” “Thank you, but I’m okay. I don’t live that far away.” “I had a great time today,” Daniel told her as he leaned forward, he wanted to kiss her again but was a bit afraid. “I did too,” Lilly said, taking charge as she lifted herself and planted her lips upon his for a second before pulling away, “see you again?” “Yes, of course,” he replied with a soft smile as Lilly walked out the door. Daniel stood there and watched her for a few moments before he closed the door, taking a deep breath. Was this happening? It felt like it was happening too smoothly, but then again, he has caused a lot of pain. He wished he could make up for it somehow. His heart ached at the thought of Lilly; once he allowed the door to open, his feelings pushed right on through. Why didn’t he see it there before? I made it home safe! He received the text about ten minutes later as he was sitting at his computer desk. Oh, that’s good! Thanks for letting me know Not a problem! I had a perfect time today. I did too. I’m going to take you on a proper date soon. Oh yeah? Are you going to wear a diaper as you did with Natalie! Maybe…if you want me too. I wouldn’t be opposed to it. Daniel stared at the texts for a long time; his cheeks were on fire. He wasn’t sure if he could wear a diaper around Lilly as quickly as he did with Natalie – that was to make the situation more comfortable and less stressful, he felt like wearing a diaper around her would be a ticking time bomb. Let’s make a deal – Lilly texted him back before he could respond to her previous message. What kind of deal? You wear a diaper on your date, and I’ll do something special for you. For me? I thought you wanted to take things slow… I do, but just a small little treat. What could she be up to? What could she want to do? He wasn’t sure, but the thought caused him to be wiggly about on his computer chair. The idea of going on another date with Lilly seemed so natural to him, which was odd to him. He only considered her to be a friend until recently. But, now he couldn’t help but wonder why he didn’t notice her before? Why was he running away from someone that was obviously so good for him? It wasn’t as if Natalie was a bad person, but even though they got along well, he knew that there was no future for them. He was chasing her so much because he was running away from his feelings. What time do you get off tomorrow? He texted Lilly a few hours later as he was getting ready for bed, he knew it was probably a bit soon to ask for another date, but he couldn’t help it. I’ll be out around 4 pm. Why? Let’s go out then. You really can’t stay away, can you…okay, fine! I look forward to it. Me too… Be a good boy and do as I say though Yes… I’m going to go to bed and you should too, young one. Yes, yes…Goodnight, Lilly. Good night, Daniel. Sweet dreams. Daniel smiled down at his phone as he crawled into bed; he was excited about tomorrow and what it could bring. He set his phone done and tried to get comfortable, closing his eyes and trying his best to fall asleep – but it would be about two hours later before he would drift off. The following day dragged on for Daniel. He woke up way earlier than he wanted too and even though he tried to distract himself with either cleaning his apartment or playing a video game – he caught his eyes wandering to either his phone, the clock on the wall or his computer every few minutes. Are you ready for tonight? He received the text a little after 4 pm. He smiled as he replied. I’m getting ready now. I’ll pick you up in about an hour? Sounds good…don’t forget about what it old you… I’m not… Good boy Her teasing words caused him to feel small as he started to get dressed for the night. He pulled out the thin pullups he had worn when he went on his first date with Natalie. They held them in his hands for a little bit before he pulled off his shorts and underwear and slid them on. They were comfortable and made him feel at ease, but he knew that as soon as he saw Lilly – he would be as red as a tomato. He finished getting ready, his heart pounding in his chest as he headed out the door and made his way over to Lilly’s apartment. He was worried that her roommate would open the door, but he was thankful when it was, in fact, Lilly, who answered. She was wearing a bright blue sundress, that had yellow sunflowers on it. Her hair was curled slightly and cascaded around her shoulders. Her eyes were bright, and she gave him a smirk as she opened the door. “Hey, cutie.” She answered as she eyed him, he could feel himself shrink under her gaze. “Hey, you look incredible.” He told her, and she smiled at him. “Thank you; you look great too.” She said, before looking back into her apartment. “I’m leaving now!” She called out as she grabbed her purse that was hanging up beside the door. “Ready to go?” He asked as she closed the door behind her. “Yup! Let’s go.” She said, still eyeing him up and down, he knew what she was thinking. He could again feel the diaper between his legs. He couldn’t help but wonder what she had planned?

Part One Sleep, study, social life; a good student could only afford two. Connie’s choice had been difficult enough without work in the mix. A thousand miles from home, sharing a room with a stranger, she clung to the future promised by her degree. Things would be better after that, even if the present was killing her. It was a brutal week of rude customers bookended with assignments. Connie could barely remember coming back from the library, or if she went back to the dorms at all. Every moment saw her crossing points from her endless to do list before trudging through the next item. She needed sleep. Whether it was a Wednesday or Thursday Connie could hardly tell; only that it was the afternoon and she had a window through which to crash. The handful of hours offered by her angel of a professor was a gift she was determined not to waste. Perhaps when she woke it would be with sanity restored. But even after her head struck the pillow rest evaded her. She closed her eyes and cleared her thoughts, but remained aware of herself and her surroundings. Her body, it seemed, had been trained to endure through exhaustion, and did not recognize the now alien nature of her reprieve. Something had to be done. On the rare nights she stayed in the dorm she watched her roommate, Emily, sleeping with her headphones on. ‘Relaxation tapes,’ she said, and they appeared to do the trick. Under the dim light emanating from her desk Connie would often find the other girl smiling in her sleep, sometimes squealing in delight; always peaceful, always happy. Oh, but for a fraction of that contentment! On any other day Connie would have left things as they were, but times were desperate. She opened the top drawer beside Emily’s bed and removed the small mp3 device sat inside. She replaced the headphones with her own. After scribbling a note to Emily, apologizing for borrowing without permission, she sprawled across the bed and hit play. Soothing music washed her thoughts. A gentle warmth ran to the tips of her fingers. All care melted into the ground. And then… **** Connie bunched the comforter in her arms, and held tighter as she began to stir. Better to bury herself in the warm fabric than think about how cold it was between her thighs. The thought landed; why were her thighs cold, and why were they wet? Connie started up in bed. Her heart nearly beat out of her chest when confronted by the stark reality. She’d wet the bed, like a small child! Her jeans, her underwear, her sheets, all stained and reeking. As though it weren’t bad enough the dread tightened when Emily stepped into the room with a gentle smile. Wild with panic, Connie threw the comforter over her lower half. Emily, however, did not falter, and kneeled by her side. ‘I’m so sorry,’ she said. ‘This is all my fault!’ Connie knew the words, but the more she thought about them the less they made sense. Though they’d barely spoken she recognized Emily as a gentle soul; the kind of girl who’d grow up to be a perfect mom. Her long, straight, strawberry blond hair had the same divine aspect as her eyes, sparkling pale and green. That was to say nothing of her smile upon which she’d carried a thousand wounded souls. She took care of her friends, though Connie was hardly that. Even then, the gentle touch running down her arm was familiar, as though they’d known each other for the better part of forever. Emily winced. ‘You listened to my relaxation tapes.’ Guilt wrenched Connie’s chest. ‘Those aren’t normal tapes,’ Emily said. Words faltered on her tongue. ‘The point is this isn’t your fault. Everything’s going to be okay. Come on. Let me help you get cleaned up.’ Connie flinched at the thought. Help? Wet clothes and a wet bed were easy to handle, maybe, on any other day. Yet every time she tried to move her body resisted. The job became bigger and bigger as she became smaller and smaller, and none of it made any sense. Connie whined as tears started to flow down her cheeks. What was wrong with her? Next she knew Emily’s arms were around her, pulling her close, drawing circles on her back. The other girl hushed and sang and assured her that everything was going to be alright. Connie couldn’t explain why, but she believed her. Something about those gentle arms made the world safe; even more than her comforter when she was clinging tight. ‘You must be feeling very fragile right now,’ Emily said. She was. ‘And little.’ She was. ‘And you really wish someone strong and kind would come and make things better.’ Connie hesitated before giving a loose nod. Emily eased back to brush the stray hairs falling over Connie’s face. Her green eyes lit up as she met the other woman’s gaze. ‘You can trust me to take care of everything,’ she said. ‘I owe you that much. I won’t hurt you. I promise.’ For reasons beyond her comprehension Connie’s thumb slipped into her mouth. She may not even have been aware of it; only the soothing sensation that followed when something was inside her mouth. If such a thing were unusual Emily said nothing about it. Instead she guided her roommate to her feet and held her hand as they stepped into the bathroom. Dutifully Emily lowered into a squat and unbuttoned Connie’s jeans. She slipped her fingers into the band of her underwear and slipped both garments to the ground. She then prompted Connie to step out of the leg holes, one after the other. Though still wearing a tee shirt, Connie had never been so naked. She winced knowing that Emily was the first to see her this way - not even boyfriends had seen her body entirely - but remained calm under the clinical gaze. Nothing, however, could prepare her for the cold shock of a wipe running between her thighs. Connie whimpered. Her knees buckled, but Emily’s firm hand kept her straight. ‘Everything’s alright, princess.’ ‘Princess,’ Connie echoed. At any other time it would sound condescending. Why not then? A sudden rush coursed through her body as the wipe ran between her lips. It was an area once exclusive to Connie’s touch. She pulled her arms closer across her chest. Her mouth sucked more intensely on her thumb. Emily hummed a bright, bubbly tune. ‘There we go, sweetheart. All clean!’ Finally, Connie thought. Emily paused. Her smile tightened. ‘We just need one more thing...’ New pants were exactly what Connie needed, but when Emily reached for the side counter she found her roommate had something else in mind. From the lower cupboard designated for Emily’s use she removed a flat, plastic piece of padding. Emily’s jaw tightened as she brought herself upright. ‘The effects of the tape last for about twelve hours,’ she said. ‘You’re going to need one of these.’ Unless her eyes deceived her Emily was offering Connie an adult sized diaper. More than it was an incontinence aid it was also strewn with pink shapes, decorated in the same way that it would be for a child. Connie frowned. ‘Why do you have this?’ The answer should have been obvious, but still evaded her. Emily retreated into her shoulders and fixed her eyes shut. Rolling up her shirt seemed to cause her pain, as did pressing down the hem of her skirt to reveal an identical garment taped up underneath. ‘You wear these,’ Connie said. Emily nodded, but dared not look. ‘Why?’ ‘Because I’m a big, pervy weirdo that likes to be a baby sometimes,’ she said, ‘and the tape you listened to helps me regress into little space. I don’t use my pacifier when you’re around, but you never notice when I’m wearing, so…’ Connie blinked. ‘Wearing?’ ‘Wearing diapers,’ Emily groaned. ‘I have been for nearly the whole time we’ve been rooming together.’ ‘But you said they were rela… re-lack-say-’ ‘Relaxation tapes, yeah,’ Emily said. ‘Being a baby is relaxing for me. I didn’t think you’d ever sneak through my drawers and use them!’ Connie shook her head. This was a lot of new information; more than she knew how to handle in such a short amount of time. Confusion swirled between her ears. Her tummy ached. It didn’t feel good. Soon it was too much, and came spilling out in tears and sobs. Emily leaned into her and hushed her, just like a mother would. ‘It’s okay, little one. I told you we’d get through this, remember?’ There was no reason for Connie to place that level of trust in her roommate - the two were relative strangers - and yet her scepticism remained absent, perhaps overtaken by the immense need for comfort. Was it a product of the tapes? It had to be, she thought; she needed as a child might need, and filled her arms with a figure to protect her. Emily lead her back to the main room. ‘Come lay on my bed.’ She did as she was told, allowing herself to be all the more vulnerable. Connie’s shame grew when her legs fell open. She’d revealed more of her body in the last few minutes than she had to anyone. The cool air tickled, and she shuddered. Guiding the girl’s backside up Emily slipped a towel beneath her. She beamed and hushed Connie with a finger to her mouth. ‘I’m not going to do anything untoward,’ she said. ‘You’re perfectly safe, and this is perfectly chaste.’ Connie groaned. Strange that she was both disappointed and relieved with the prospect. Reaching into a drawer Emily produced a pacifier, one whose plastic nipple was larger than any the vulnerable woman had ever seen before. She offered it to Connie who accepted it happily. It was even better than her thumb, and the relief that came with it! All her tension poured into sucking the plastic object. Emily wasn’t done, however. She reached over Connie’s head and to the far corner. From there she fished a stuffed rabbit; one which Connie had mistaken for ornamental, but now realized was so much more. It should have seemed silly to draw comfort from an old toy, but the moment Connie touched its fur she was filled with the love that was poured into it, night after night. She clutched the plaything and exhaled. ‘I see you and Whiskers are making fast friends,’ Emily teased. Connie held tighter, and buried her face in the rabbit’s fur. ‘Are you feeling happy, little one?’ Connie nodded. The butterflies eased some. How could something so weird be okay? Perhaps, she thought, it was the lilt in Emily’s voice, like magic. ‘Good girl.’ She giggled in spite of herself. She hadn’t been a ‘good girl’ since she was a child, but then again that’s what she’d become; or a psychological facsimile of one. So many people spent their lives reclaiming a lost childhood. Why shouldn’t Connie enjoy the experience while it lasted? Her embarrassment returned with the sound of crinkling and the realization of what was about to happen. Twelve hours, Emily said; twelve hours until she could return to adulthood and control of her bladder. What part constituted ‘relaxation’ was anybody’s guess, but for the sake of her sheets and what semblance of remaining dignity she could muster Connie would see it through to the end. Obediently and with minimal complaint she lifted her behind for Connie to slide the garment beneath her. She clung tighter to Whiskers as the rain of powder tickled between her legs. The heavy scent caused a tiny sneeze to escape her. ‘Bless you,’ Emily sang. She was going to make a great mom someday. Connie winced with the tearing sound and planted herself ever deeper into Whiskers’ fur. She lay still as the soft lining closed over her mound and Emily fastened the plastic flaps around her hips. They were firm against her body, but as Connie sat up she couldn’t help but notice how loose it was underneath. When she was upright it was with a quiet puff and a cloud of powder. Emily knelt and perched her chin on Connie’s knees. ‘How do you feel?’ She mumbled around the pacifier. ‘I feel…’ Words half formed on her tongue. Most failed after the first syllable. ‘Feels like my pants are going to fall off…’ Her roommate smiled. ‘Don’t worry. Diapers are supposed to feel that way. They need room to, erm, how do you say, expand.’ The stark reality drove deeper. First Connie had wet the bed, next she was wearing a diaper, and soon she would likely use it for its intended purpose, all because of a silly tape! Her hands trembled and her cheeks burned. Tears rolled down her already swollen features and ran under her chin. Emily pulled her into another embrace. Her fingers swirled in circles around her back, keeping her in one piece. All the while she hummed sweet assurances. ‘There, there, little one. You’ve got nothing to be afraid of. This is going to be our little secret, okay? I promise to look after you until this is all over, and then everything goes back to normal.’ ‘But- but I have so many things to do,’ Connie said. The very thought of her workload prompted a fresh round of tears. Her schedule was heavy enough for adult shoulders, let alone in her current state. She sobbed until the lump in her throat was full and hard. Emily climbed into the bed and pulled her reluctant charge back into her arms. Connie clung to Whiskers so that he sat between them. The blankets were drawn over them, and a safe cocoon took shape. ‘You don’t have to think about that now,’ Emily sang. ‘Just think about how good it feels right now, to be in my arms, safe and cared for.’ Her eyes closed, and for the first time since waking Connie’s troubles floated away, carried by the breeze. Her limbs collapsed against the force of gravity until her body was a lump held by her roommate. She breathed the warm scent of Emily’s flesh and the lingering apple shampoo she used. It was a moment of perfect peace, suddenly interrupted by heat between her legs. A small sound trickled to her ears as liquid expanded underneath her, curling up her behind. Connie stirred, but was quickly soothed by Emily’s melodious voice. ‘Just let it happen, little one. Everything’s alright. That’s what it’s there for. Just relax and stay here in my arms, okay?’ The world had gone topsy turvy, and yet Connie could not refuse such an offer. Emily’s breasts were warm and full of life. Her gentle heart beat set the rhythm for Connie’s breathing, until soon she closed her eyes and nothing else existed. Emily kissed her brow. ‘Goodnight, princess.’

This is a short commission we got for a mechanical nursery story in the world of Miss Kobayashi's Dragon Maid, which is an amazing anime and you should totally watch it! Only 12 episodes, and it's getting a season 2 very soon. Anyway! Enjoy the story. It's only four chapters, but the completed PDF and ePub are already available on our Patreon. Please consider supporting us! ~~~~~~~~~~~ Miss Kobayashi’s Dragon Babies by: Sophie & Pudding *Commissioned by: Anonymous Chapter One: "What is it?" Saikawa asked. Kanna looked up at the machine with wide, curious eyes. "I dunno." Yesterday, Kobayashi brought it home. It was something from work, something she was supposed to fix. It had a programming error and Kobayashi's job was to resolve programming errors. But Tohru was determined to figure it out herself. She ran out to the store to buy a programming book, so she could help Kobayashi with her job. That left Kanna - the youngest dragon - and Saikawa - her friend from school - alone with the machine. "Lady Tohru said not to touch it," Kanna told her friend, and went up to the machine to investigate all the same. "Lady Tohru," Saikawa reflected, walking up to the room-sized device, "isn't here, and Miss Kobayashi would let us so its okay?” The brunette girl reached over and leaned on a large lever with a big black ball on the end, which creaked down from one position to another. She held her breath, wide-eyed, but nothing happened. "See? It's fiiine!" Kanna looked onward at the large machine. "I guess it's broken after all," Kanna said to her friend, and went to pull a lever of her own. Nothing happened. So she started pushing buttons on the keypad. Each button made a small tone and Kanna started to play a song. "Beep, beep, beep," Kanna mimicked, laughing at the sound of her music. "Saikawa, maybe it's an instrument." "Oh! I could play it and you could go inside and sing, like one of those karaoke booths are the mall!" Saikawa chirped happily, bouncing on the balls of her feet. "Maybe it prints photos too!" And a photo of Kanna for her bedroom mirror? Saikawa could just about have one of her patented freak outs over that! "Oh, okay." Kanna looked around the machine with confusion, then she had a moment of enlightenment. There was a large square doorway at the end of a conveyer belt - that must be where the karaoke part was. She struggled to climb up onto the belt, flashing her panties to Saikawa in the process. And cue the freak out! By the time Saikawa recovered from the head-spin and settled back down to earth, Kanna was well and truly inside the machine. "Okay uh..." No pressure, Saikawa, you can do this! Beep. Bloop. Bap. Oh, it started to make a noise. Kanna sat alone in the dark room, waiting for the screen to turn on. Where was the microphone? She couldn't sing without a microphone. Then the machine around her began to whirl and wheeze. The doors on the ends snapped shut and a bright light filled the small room. Blinded by the sudden brightness, robotic arms extended down and grabbed Kanna's dress. "Hey!" "I know, I know, Kanna, I'm trying to make it work!" Because of course, Saikawa thought that exclamation was was a grab for her attention. She didn't even consider that her crush might be in trouble. The machine pulled at Kanna's dress until it wrestled it off over her head. She reached for it in frustration, but it was all too quick. "That's mine! Give it back!" The arms disappeared into the walls and another arm came out holding a new shirt, perfectly sized to Kanna's little body. "What's yours? Oh, is it asking for money?" Saikawa leaned on a lever while she fished around in her pockets for some yen, and pursed her lips. "I have about a hundred yen, Kanna! Do you need it?" Kanna struggled with the mechanical arms, but despite her dragon-strength, she couldn't overpower or outsmart the movements of the arms. Soon, she was dressed in a pale pink shirt with white trim, with a picture of a pacifier on the front. Then the machine produced a new item from the wall, something Kanna hadn't seen in a very long time. A diaper. Though it looked no different from a baby design, it was larger, large enough to fit Kanna's small body, and much, much thicker. "Um, hold on, I'm coming in!" Saikawa offered helpfully, tripping against the control panel and landing her hand on a cluster of buttons on the way through. "I wanna be in the karaoke photo Kanna, don't hog it all!" The mechanical arms pulled Kanna's ankles high into the air. Kanna - resigned to this whole fate - crossed her arms in annoyance as the diaper was placed under her bottom. A little red laser cut the sides of her panties off and pulled them away, before a huge cloud of baby powder filled the area. "I'm a powerful dragon," Kanna muttered to herself, "and this dumb box is treating me like a little baby." When Saikawa got to the door, she was no help at all, not with the way she started screaming and freaking out. Kanna was so fricking cute! The diaper was unexpected… but Kanna was a tiny gothic lolita girl and it worked just fine for her. Kanna was lying on her back, looking up at her friend with irritation all over her face, dressed in nothing but the diaper and t-shirt. "This is stupid," she muttered, before the conveyer belt moved again. Saikawa was forced into the brightly lit room and a door shut behind her. Then, as the belt wheeled Kanna out the other end, another door locked Saikawa alone inside. "Hey! Where'd you go?!" Saikawa frumped and stomped her foot, banging on the door with her cheeks puffed out. "Hey you dumb machine give Kanna back, she looked so cute!! You can't take her away!!" Kanna fell off the edge of the convey belt onto a soft cushion. All around her, the living room of Miss Kobayashi's house had been transformed. The table and furniture was nowhere to be seen. The floor was covered in colorful padded tiles, full of toys and blocks and dolls. And more importantly, the entire room was separated by a wall of bars that went from the floor to the ceiling. Somehow, the machine had turned Miss Kobayashi's living room into a playroom. A playroom Kanna couldn't escape. "Ahhh!" A few moments following Kanna being deposited into the newly transformed living room, Saikawa followed suit, having been transformed into a diaper-wearing overgrown babydoll, and she looked none too pleased by it either. "What is this dumb machine?!" Saikawa toddled around on the foam puzzle pieces, pressing her hands to her hips defiantly. "Where's the karaoke?!" Saikawa was wearing nothing but a diaper and her own t-shirt, which was green with a cartoon character on the front that Kanna didn't recognize. "What do we do now, Kanna? We have to escape?" "Why?" Kanna asked, still looking around the room. "What do you mean, why? Because we're trapped here!" "But look." Kanna pointed to the toys, the dolls... "We could play. No one can bother us in here, even Lady Tohru." Saikawa watched Kanna sit on the floor and pick up one of the dolls. The way she looked in her t-shirt, the thick diaper forcing her legs apart. Gosh, was there anyone cuter in the whole world? But Saikawa was a little reluctant to wear her own diaper. She reached for the tapes and tried to pull them off, but the glue had bonded firmly in place. There was no taking the diaper off unless the machine took it off for her. So, in a huff, she sat down next to her adorable friend and started to play alongside her. "I kind of like it," Kanna said, a few minutes later, after tucking the dolls in for bedtime. The clock on the wall showed that Tohru would be home any second now from the store. And that got Kanna thinking... "I'm already quite young. And playing with you, Saikawa? It's very nice." Saikawa’s cheeks went crimson. She hadn't had any real friends before Kanna - everyone always teased her for being a know-it-all, even though she didn't know very much in the first place. But if staying Kanna's best friend meant wearing diapers? Then fine! She'd do it! For Kanna! "Yeah, me too! It's very nice." Another ten minutes passed, and Kanna climbed up from her place on the colorful tiled floor. She walked over to the bars of the playpen and tried to slip through. But of course, she couldn't. Maybe she could turn into a dragon and-- oh, but she'd break the roof of the house no doubt. Finally Kanna sighed and returned to her friend. "I have to use the restroom." Saikawa looked up at Kana with a bright smile and nodded her head. "Well, babies don't use the bathroom. And you want to be a baby, right?" Kanna gave her a blank look. Frustrated? Or confused? Saikawa couldn't tell. "I mean... um. Well, we're wearing diapers. So... so we could keep playing. And forget about using the bathroom." Kanna looked at Saikawa with uncertainty, thinking about the things her friend had just said. About forgetting to use the bathroom. She looked down at the puffy diaper between her legs and poked it with the tip of her finger. After a moment of thought, Kanna nodded and sat back down with the toys. She was a baby now. She'd decided. Saikawa watched Kanna wiggle on the padded tiles. She watched Kanna's feet quiver and watched her hips squirm. But ultimately, like every other little girl, Kanna gave up trying. A small breath escaped her lips. Relief washed over Kanna's face. And Saikawa smiled as she noticed Kanna's diaper growing yellow and heavy between her legs. Kanna sat there in her own humiliation, in her own warm diaper, and bit shyly on her lip. She should have been ashamed. She should have tried harder to resist. But she didn't. Was she really a baby now? She looked down at the toys in front of her. She never had to stop playing now. She didn't need to do big girl things anymore. She could do whatever she wanted. And Tohru would change her diapers. Or the machine would. Yeah, Kanna was okay with this. Kanna could be a baby from now on. Saikawa sat uncomfortably and wiggled in place. Come on, Saikawa, she thought to herself. Just do it. You can be just like Kanna! We can be little babies together! But what if someone at school found out? But if Kanna did it, it had to be cool, right? Kanna was more important to Saikawa than anyone. So she finally found the courage to let go, to force herself to break all her potty training habits, and flood her diaper. And as the warmth washed over her, she didn't feel ashamed or embarrassed. She felt relief. This was the start of a wonderful life together with Kanna, she thought. And she had no regrets. ~~~~~ Thank you for reading! Please like and comment!

When I first started untraining it was really more like just giving up on my failing incontinence 12 months ago. For the past couple of years, there had been times where I didn’t make it to the bathroom in time, would wake up occasionally laying in a wet bed, or would have to find something else than a toilet to relieve myself in because a toilet wasn’t in reach soon enough. Roughly 12 months ago, I said enough was enough and just wore diapers all of the time. Since then my continence has gotten a lot worse. I no longer know when my bladder is full, it just releases on its own. About less than half the time I even notice that Im urinating. Even if I happen to notice that it’s happening, I can’t stop the flow. 4 months ago was the last time I’ve woken up dry. Two months ago was the last time I’ve woken up not messy. I used to be a once a day in the morning regular for a bowel movement. In the past month, it’s a 30 to 45 minutes after I eat and can’t stop that either kind of deal. As a matter of fact, the ONLY way I can not poop for 24 hours is to clean myself out with a laxative, which is horrible for about 7 hours, and only after that has stopped do I not have a bowel movement for close to 24 hours. Some have said whom have untrained themselves selves that once you bedwet, you’re more than likely stuck with it. Once you start uncontrollably messing, all hope is lost. Super long post, but here’s what I want to know: What’s your experience with retraining? How far have you gotten before you’ve decided to retrain, and done so successfully? How far have you gotten, tried to retrain, and failed only to end up just back in diapers anyways? Im not going to retrain, I’m a whole lot less stressed over letting things run their course than trying to hold on to any form of continence.

I’ve always enjoyed pooping diapers, I was anal retentive as a child while I was still being potty trained and it’s just stuck with me since. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Yes, depends on day of week and who might be visiting. Sometimes just comfortable diaper. Other times wearing underpants over diaper. And sometimes wearing favorite lounge-shirt with small side zippers.

Hi there Currently wearing a ABU Super Dry Kids been in it all day while doing uber Eats.

what does that link have to do with what started you wearing diapers? Just wondering?

Yes indeed u have to watch what u post online always. As for me im not naive and never post personal information or financial information. However im unconcerned with people knowing what sites im on and if people know so i use my real photos and name based off this fact. But yes definitely always be aware of what ur doing snd ur safety.? as far as me i use Walmart bags to put my wet diaper in after I wake up wet. I tie it up and throw it away in our outside trash can. Ive left a wet diaper in the trash without the bag and my bath started smelling like old trash so i use bags and now throw away the same morning i wake up wet. For u i suggest using Walmart or grocery bags and tie up and throw them in a trash can inside of another trash bag. Realize that ur family nor the trash man is gonna go through ur trash in the can. Me im not concerned with people knowing about my diaper habit but ive noticed people aren't looking for diapers from someone like me or u so there not even considering a diaper. If ur still concerned i suggest the day they come back take a trash bag of trash from a car and throw away at a gas station next to the pump if ur worried about ur family finding out. Best of luck my friend ???

I have a 33-inch teddy who wears a small Abena S2. Actually, he wears 4 of them to be safe, and because I like them thick on him. ?

I’ve tried those before, very comfy. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk

Anna hummed to herself as she walked down the street, arms full of packages and shopping bags. She began to skip. Life was going really well for her now. She didn't even need to go shopping, really, as she could conjure up anything she wanted to. However, with the amount of money she had, why not? She enjoyed the experience, the weather was nice, she met people. Plus, it gave her a chance to exercise her new favorite hobby.She tapped her note book. "Karma," the title read, and she sure put the name to test. Anything she saw go wrong, she'd find revenge for. It was her duty, she decided, and a duty she loved. Unfortunately, in that respect this trip had been a bust."Whoah!" she shouted. A bicyclist cut in front of her. She backed up, tripped, and fell to the ground. Well, there was a good enough excuse. She took out her book and waited, pen at the ready. 1, 2, 3, she counted, waiting for an apology, but none came."Bicyclist will fall off his bike tomorrow and not be able to keep balance. Someone will put him in a stroller and push him around, so he won't be able to run into anyone."She smiled to herself. That was fun, but didn't feel like enough.One of her bags dropped. She picked it up and looked at it. The bag's handle was torn. She opened it up, and took out a pair of pants she had bought. She gasped. Like the handle of her bag, the pant's material was worn and thin, and she could already see holes in it. She couldn't even imagine wearing something like this outside, it be humiliating! he didn't know why she didn't notice it earlier."Person who sold me this pair of pants will become incontinent have to wear diapers. All her clothes will suddenly be too thin, and the diaper will show up through them. She will become incontinent for a month." She looked at the pants, scratched out 'month' and wrote "a year." She slammed the book closed. THAT one felt good.She arrived at her townhouse, now far nicer then it was before, and opened the door."Hello my pretty babies!" she shouted."Mpphh!" came the reply, followed by a series of moans and squirming. "Did you have fun? Did you learn not to complain about your stinky pampers being uncomfortable when I told you I didn't want to change you right away? Did you see how much more uncomfortable they could be?" she asked in a teasingly charming voice.Her two 'babies,' both grown adults, nodded sadly. They were both dressed for their roll. Both had thick, printed diapers wrapped around their waist,both uncovered and visible, with frills lined on their butts. Both wore long, lacy socks, almost up to their knees, and tiny booties as the only other thing beneath their waist. Both had short, tight t-shirts with a teddy bear on the chest, and both had fingerless mittens on their hands. Both also had pacifiers in their mouths that, try as they might, they couldn't spit out, speak, or call for help through. They were almost matching, except that Morgan's shirt, mittens, diaper prints, and the tops of her socks were all blue, while Ryan's were in pink. Ryan also had a pink bow in his hair. It amused her to no end to put her female 'baby' in blue while Ryan was stuck in pink.That wasn't the reason they were moaning, however, nor was the wide, open window that left their humiliation visible to anyone passing by, nor the crowds and parades she ensured passed by. At this point, they had been exposed and humiliated so many times it was barely registered as a punishment any more. No, Anna had ensured that being dressed in infantile clothes had become the norm for them, their life, not a punishment, so whenever she found a flimsy excuse to punish them, it was something much worse. In this case, she had found something both different and fun. She had positioned large hooks on the wall, then lifted them both up and hooked their diapers through. The result was that both desperate, humiliated adult babies were hung helplessly by their diapers, padding forming a painful wedgie. The diapers were strong, stronger then any would be without her magic, and taped on as snug and tightly as possible, so all their struggling only made the situation more and more uncomfortable as the undergarments were pulled tighter and further into them. The spanking they had both received before she left ensured their bottoms still ached, made worse by hanging from their diapers.Finally, the games she had played with them ensured they were on the edge, staying that way for hours as the plastic material pushed and rubbed at them as they squirmed with no sign of release.They were left with their blushing faces forward, bent over, so that anyone could see their face and embarrassing predicaments."You both want to come down?" she said, and they screamed through their pacifiers and nodded. She reached out and put a hand on the fronts of each of their diapers. She only brushed them lightly, but it was enough to send both into fits, moaning, eyes pleading. "I could keep you here like this for hours. All night, even, and for days after. I'll feet you bottle as you hang, filling your diapers more and more, now no more then adorable artworks to decorate my walls. I'll have dinner parties, game nights, drinking games, all based around teasing my two little diapered dolls on display for our amusement. Sound fun?"They both shook their heads, tears dripping from their eyes."Maybe, since you complained about sleeping in your locking cribs, I can make these your new 'beds' and leave you here every night, until I'm ready to play with you again in the morning. Hows that sound?"They shook their heads."No? Doesn't sound fun?"They struggled and shook even more."Well then lucky for you there is another game I want to play. But keep in mind, I can always make this worse for you both." She opened her book and wrote in it, and both of her subs fell to the ground, panting, as the hooks disappeared. Both began rubbing their diapers, finding them surprisingly intact. "First thing first, lets get you dressed." She reached into her bags. In one hand she had a frilly pink nightie, ending in a short, mesh skirt. In the other was a blue buttoned up pajama shirt with teddy bears on it. Both, as planned, would leave their diapers perfectly visible."Arms up Morgan!" Anna shouted, and Morgan obeyed. She pulled her shirt off, and pulled the pajama shirt over her head. Ryan moaned as he realized he was once again fated to the effeminate option, and Anna giggled to herself as she repeated the process. She handed them both blank pieces of paper."Now you are both going shopping," Anna said, and paused as she savored their whines. "You each have a piece of paper in front of you, and the first items will appear when I'm done talking, and the next when you've purchased the first, and so on. Money will appear as you need it. You are in pjs because your goal is to be back before bedtime. If you are, then you can sleep in your crib. If not," she turned to the wall. "Back on the hooks for the night. Got it?"They both nodded."Also, you are racing each other. Last one back will get a spanking, one for each minute he or she is late."They pouted."Oh, and one more thing." She opened her book and wrote it in, then watched both with a smile on her face. Both looked at her confused, then groaned and doubled over as their stomach's rumbled loudly. "I gave you both the equivalent of a triple dose of laxatives and three baby bottles. No changes until your home. Good luck!"They both looked at each other, then at their lists. "Printed adult diapers," Morgan's read, and "bright red sun dress with 'Princess" written on it" was on Ryan's. They both paused to wonder where they were supposed to find such things, but their stomachs rumbled again, and they ran to the door."Oh yeah!" Anna shouted after them. "Try to run away, and you'll fall asleep, then wake up on the hooks, and this time permanently! Have fun!"...Ryan waddled as fast as he could down the street. He had ran down an alleyway to get her, using a short cut to get down town while Morgan went down the street.His stomach was killing him. Part of him wanted to run, as he had no idea how many items would appear on the list, and didn't want to end up hanging on the hook all night. However, moving quickly made the ache worse, and he worried that running would result in him messing very badly, and very publicly. He looked at the first item in despair. Where would he find such a thing? Who actually wore that? Anna always seemed to have them for him, but he assumed it was her magic, or ordered online.A bus passed by him, 'downtown' listed on the top. That would solve both his problems, he decided. He'd be more likely to find something downtown, and he wouldn't have to run or move to slowly. However, that left another problem- entering a likely crowded bus dressed as he was. Still, he considered the alternative, and waved it down....Morgan looked at her list and considered her dilemma. Where would one find printed adult diapers? She knew the kind Anna meant- they were the kind she was wearing now. However, maybe there was a way around it? Regular adult diapers from a drug store and stickers? Baby diapers taped together? She shook her head. She doubted Anna would accept that, it was too easy and not humiliating enough. Anna would have something specific in mind.A bus passed by her heading downtown. She considered boarding it, but she decided she was as likely to pass by a kink store on the way there then she was to find one in the middle of the city. Plus, the thought of sitting in a crowded bus in her diapers was too much to handle. She ignored it.She stopped and doubled over. A cramp had hit, and she almost lost control. She looked at the sun- several more hours until night time, and knowing Anna, the competition would take her right to the end. Far too soon to mess herself if she were to spend the rest of the day in her current clothes. She shuddered. The diaper rash after that would not be fun."You need help there, little one?" Someone asked.She stood up. A man was passing by, pushing a gigantic double stroller, with a woman beside him. She could see the front end of the stroller, which was empty."No, I'm ok, thank you," she tried to say. The pacifier, however, cut off her words and left them as giberish. Her eyes went wide- this was far to eerie not to be one of Anna's set ups.They both laughed at her gibberish and shocked expression. "That is ok, we recently found another helpless one like you and adopted him, see?" the man pointed to the back seat of the stroller, where a grown adult man sat, buckled in tightly, wearing a onesie and a diaper. He had a horrified expression on his face."Come on, in you go," the man sad, picking Morgan up and strapping her into the front. She tried to break out, but found it impossible, and could only stare as people passed by her and laughed....Ryan entered the bus. It was crowded, all the seats were taken, and people stood right up to the front."Well hello there pretty girl, where are you going?" the bus driver, a muscular, brown haired man looking to be in his thirties asked.Ryan blushed and looked down at the snickers from the other bus riders. "I'm going downtown," he said, glad the pacifier was letting him talk."What for?""To, uhh... buy a dress."There was more laughing."Well of course you are. You have a ticket?""I..." Ryan looked at the sheet, hoping money or a ticket would appear, but none did."That's alright. A pretty little girl like you shouldn't have to, especially if your just going to buy another pretty dress to wear. Besides, we wouldn't want you having an accident and filling those adorable diapers on your way. It be irresponsible to make someone who still needs pampers wander on their own, wouldn't it be?"Ryan didn't want to answer, but it seemed the only way to go. "Yes sir, thank you sir.""You think it be irresponsible to let a little girl who still needs diapers, like you, walk downtown on her own?"Ryan sighed. Anna loved these games. "Yes sir. I think it be irresponsible to let a little girl who still needs diapers, like me, walk downtown on her own." Ryan closed his eyes as the bus filled with laughter."Good girl. Then I think we can make a deal. Since the bus is so crowded anyway, and I doubt a little baby can stand that long, why don't I let you ride for free if you give me a kiss and sit on my lap the whole way there?"I..." Ryan looked at the crowds in the bus, then the street in front of him. "Ok," he said. He bent over and gave the man a kiss, then settled on his lap. The bus started moving. Ryan felt the man's free hand wrap around him. He began to bounce Ryan on his knee. He patted Ryan on the bottom, then used his arm to rub the padding on the front of his diaper and pull him in tightly, where he continued to bounce Ryan against himself. Ryan looked at the giant mirror in front of him, which gave him a view of all the people behind, themselves staring at Ryan and his every expression and movement. He looked out the front. Traffic was jammed, and people were crossing the street, many turning to stare at Ryan. The hands dug deeper into Ryan and pulled him in tighter, and he squeezes his eyes shut....Anna pranced merrily down the street. She opened her cell phone, where she was watching a never ending video of her two submissive's humiliations. It was working out perfect, and, of course, streaming directly to her web page where she showed off their punishments for free and reaped in advertisement dollars. She had been doing it for months, and she couldn't WAIT to see their reactions when they saw how many thousands of views their video's had. It would be even more delicious then when they saw what she did to their facebook pages.Someone passed in front of her, a cute boy in his twenties and seeming to be a few years younger then her. He was short and thin, but fit, and blond hair bordering on too long for a male. She hadn't seen him do anything wrong, but was too much of a temptation to pass up. She followed him, hoping to find an excuse.She took out her cell phone and went to his facebook page. It was easy, she had already charmed the phone to find people she wanted. She scanned through his private messages, until she found what she was looking for. A conversation, seeming to be with someone he knew, that ended in an argument and him writing insults. Good enough excuse, she decided. She took out her book."HEY! You!" a large, heavyset woman shouted. The blond boy looked at her."Me? What are you... AAAA!!!" he shouted as she grabbed and twisted his ear.Anna sat down on a bench as she watched. She wrote in her book, and popcorn appeared in her hands. This was going to be better then any movie.The boy was soon over the woman's lap, confused and terrified as she spanked his now bare bottom. She paddled him hard, and he began to cry.WAY better then any movie.

Sorry if it sounds "adult," but my creature comfort is AIR CONDITIONING. Can't live without it. Willis Haviland Carrier is my Messiah!!!

Yes, I accept that this is difficult for her but I’ve gone out of my way to avoid any practical inconvenience. All of her difficulties exist between her ears. Most of the details are in this thread. Fortunately, although this is clearly regression-related (it certainly isn’t a simple fetish), I don’t need to dress or be treated as a baby and I can live without her participation. I am quite confident that any visible AB would simply be a deal breaker for her anyway which would be sad for both of us after so long. The very small regressive elements in my psych I keep to myself. There are no heroes and villains in this relationship. She isn’t perfect and neither am I but I woke up after a very long sleep to see that I was actually in a controlling dynamic that I felt to be fundamentally unfair to the extent that I would stake my relationship with her on it. We’re still together and we don’t fight that much. Having said all that, I could never describe introducing 24/7 nappies into the relationship as a tonic for it. What was your journey to accepting this confronting thing?

Chapter Four To celebrate her eighteenth birthday, Renee had offered to take her to get her first tattoo. The couple had been together for the four months leading up to her birthday, and Charlotte had only fallen deeper in love with the older woman in that time. She of course wished that certain aspects of their relationship were a bit more normal, but everything Renee did was out of love and in an effort to help Charlotte remain a "good girl". In their time together Charlotte had developed a nightly bedwetting problem, one that Renee accepted and helped her with, reminding her when Charlotte balked at something that Charlotte was always free to try and find someone that would want to share a bed with a silly little bedwetter like her. She'd grown accustomed to being talked to like she was little more than a child, her actions at times proving as much and earning her childish punishments like spankings and timeouts, but Renee always cuddled her afterward and reminded her that the punishments were for her own good, which given her improved grades and manners, she had to believe was true. "But why?!" Charlotte whined, sounding very much like a small child on the verge of a tantrum, her arms folded and a definite pout forming on her face. Renee sighed. "Because tattoos can take a long time and it's not always easy to stop so little girls like you can use the potty." she explained. "But I only have that problem at bedtime!" Charlotte protested. Renee raised an eyebrow. "Really? So it wasn't you that was crying onto my shoulder in the parking lot of the music festival last month because you wet your pants?" she asked. Charlotte looked down at her feet. "That was different." she said quietly. Renee went to her and lifted her chin. "Wet pants are wet pants, sweetie." she said simply. "It wasn't my fault, the porta potties were gross and the line was so long before I even got into one and-" she started but was cut off by Renee putting a finger to her lips. The older girl smiled warmly. "Here's what's going to happen," she began, "you're going to go to your drawer and get your binky and then lay down so I can get you into a diaper for while we're out." she explained, her tone calm and quiet but one reserved for a parent talking to their child. "You're going to do that without anymore fussing or you'll have a sore bottom inside that diaper, am I understood, young lady?" she asked. Charlotte wondered for a moment why she allowed Renee to treat her this way, allowed her to infantilize her and behave like she was her babysitter rather than her girlfriend, but she wondered these things while she was scuttling over to "her drawer" and obediently opening it. The drawer had gotten quite full over the months, mostly with diapers for her nighttime problem, but the side that wasn't full of the plastic backed underthings looked like any other drawer in any other nursery. Pacifiers had come into play as a way to quiet both Charlotte's apparently louder than average reactions to sexual congress as well as to stifle the girl when she was punished, the most frequently used one, the one that Charlotte knew Renee was expecting her to grab was plain white but had "Mute Button" printed on the front of it. The bottles in the drawer were initially used as a way for Renee to meter out the alcoholic drinks she'd allow the underage girl to imbibe on occasion, citing that if Charlotte had too much at once she'd get drunk far too quickly to enjoy anything. Gradually, they became a way for Renee to keep Charlotte in check with regards to her status as a bedwetter, explaining that if the girl couldn't be trusted to not leak while she was sleeping, how could she be trusted not to also spill a drink. The most pathetic thing about all of it, at least in Charlotte's mind, was that nothing Renee was saying or doing was out of line. She couldn't really argue with the logic that a bottle might be safer given the number of glasses she'd spilled in her time with Charlotte, nor could she argue that the pacifier, while embarrassing to use, did help her calm down after a session across Renee's lap. More to the point, Renee always made her feel loved, even if she did tease and punish quite often, she also doled out aftercare in abundance, and part of Charlotte felt that if Renee wanted her to do or use these things that not doing so would be rude or insulting to her which may result in Charlotte losing Renee altogether. Charlotte grabbed her mute button and one of the thinner, cloth backed diapers and turned to move back to Renee. "In." Renee said simply, eyeing the pacifier in Charlotte's hand. Without hesitation the pacifier was brought up to her mouth and inserted. "Good girl." Renee praised. "That diaper won't do, get one of your nighttime ones." she commanded. Charlotte sighed quietly and turned back around, replacing the diaper in her hand with one of the much thicker ones from the drawer and made her way to the bed. Renee handled Charlotte's diapering exclusively, occasionally turning the process into a sexual experience if Charlotte had earned that or if Renee was interested in doing so. The process had become so routine that Charlotte had long since stopped paying attention to it unless she felt the familiar sensations of Renee winding her up for special release, which she felt no signs of and simply lay still until she was told to lift her bottom and wait until the diaper was brought up and taped into place. "Do you want to see it?" Renee had asked her as Charlotte was smoothing out the few wrinkles in her dress as she adjusted it to ensure it covered her diaper. Charlotte looked at her in confusion but kept sucking her pacifier, knowing that without permission to remove it once she'd been told to use it she'd be looking at a punishment. "Your tattoo, silly girl!" Renee clarified before going to the desk and retrieving a notebook, pulling a single piece of paper from it and handing it to Charlotte. The paper had a drawing of baby blocks that spelled out Charlotte's name with a lovely cursive ampersand beneath it and Renee's name beneath that in the same elegant cursive creating an odd juxtaposition between Charlotte's name and Renee's that fit their relationship perfectly. Charlotte looked up from the paper to Renee who had an excited, expectant look on her face, and removed her pacifier. "Are you fucking kidding?" she asked icily after spitting her pacifier to the floor. The room was silent for what seemed like an eternity until Renee finally spoke. "Young lady I-" she began but was cut off by Charlotte who rose to her feet and crumpled the paper up before throwing it to the ground. "I am not your child!" Charlotte snapped. "This make believe bullshit game of house you've got us playing is fucking over, Renee!" she screamed. "Either you start treating me like your girlfriend or I'm fucking done with you!" she managed to get out before the tears that had been forming in her eyes spilled out and down her cheeks. Renee said nothing, she just narrowed her gaze at the girl in front of her, noting that she was visibly shaking from rage. "Let me ask you a question, Charlotte." she said coolly as she moved to the bed and sat down. "What have I done to you that's made you lash out like this?" she asked. The rage took hold again and Charlotte launched into a tirade. "You make me wear diapers, you make me suck on pacifier and bottles, you spank me, do I need to go on?!" she screamed hysterically. Renee nodded calmly. "So I made you wet the bed every night which requires you to wear protection to keep from ruining another mattress?" she asked. Charlotte felt the sting of defeat even from just those few words, knowing that Renee was about to tear down her argument systematically and leave her feeling foolish for having behaved the way she did, this wasn't the first time this kind of thing had happened. "No, but-" she was stopped as Renee continued. "Did I make you spill numerous drinks in here that makes having you use a more secure container for your drinks a wise decision?" she asked. "No, ma'am." Charlotte said, falling effortlessly back into her role as the chastised child. "Did I force you to throw such emotional hissy fits that a pacifier seemed like a good idea to help you calm down?" Renee asked. Charlotte shook her head. "No, ma'am." she said quietly. Renee stood up. "I've never tried to treat you like a child, Charlotte, I've simply tried to help you the best I can with your issues." she began. "The fact that you, an adult woman, need things like diapers and pacifiers and bottles is nothing short of pathetic, but because I love you I give you the things that you clearly need." she explained. Charlotte felt very foolish and cast her eyes to the floor. "Do you think I asked to have a girlfriend that needed to have her piss soaked diapers changed every morning?" she asked. Charlotte shook her head and chewed her lower lip nervously. "Do you think it makes me happy that the only way I can get through to you is by spanking you, and to not do so would be consenting to your childish behavior?" she asked. Charlotte again shook her head, wishing she hadn't spit her pacifier out. "I have tried to be accepting and tolerant of your backwards development and have done my best to show you that I love you and want you to grow up and out of these behaviors, but all I get from you is tantrums and pouting." she said. "If I didn't love you so much I wouldn't bother trying to take care of you and support you." she added. Charlotte began to cry and gave up her attempts to hide her desires and turned and retrieved her pacifier from the floor and put it back into her mouth, sucking on it almost frantically as she kept her gaze on the floor. Renee scoffed. "That's exactly what I'm talking about." she said. "You throw a big tantrum about not being treated like an adult and the second I start poking holes in your argument you go and prove what a little girl you actually are by crying and rushing to get your binky." she explained. Charlotte sniffled and slowly nodded her head as her mouth worked the teat of the pacifier, hoping that if she showed Renee she wasn't going to argue anymore that she wouldn't be mad with her and would just let the whole thing drop. "Honestly, Charlotte, I just don't know what to do with you anymore." Renee said with an exasperated sigh. "I've tried to help you in every way I can, but you fight me almost every step of the way and then get mad at me when you realize that you're being treated like an overgrown toddler," she continued, her gaze locked on Charlotte. "but manage to ignore the fact that you're actions have shown that to be the best way to treat you. So, you tell me what I'm supposed to do." she said. Charlotte didn't look up, she just stood there and sucked her pacifier as tears rolled down her cheeks. "Now's your chance, Charlotte." Renee said, her voice a little louder and more insistent. "If you want me to treat you like a grownup, like my girlfriend, then you need to tell me how to do that when you're standing in front of me crying and sucking a pacifier with a diaper on under your dress." she added. Charlotte just wanted the fight to be over. She'd been shown the error of her ways and just wanted Renee to stop chastising her and hug her and dry her tears and tell her she loved her. "This is your last chance, Charlotte." Renee warned. "If you don't speak up right now and join the adult conversation we're having about our adult relationship," she said, placing added emphasis on the word "adult" each time she said it. "then I'm going to have to assume that either you're telling me you're not an adult and I need to accept that I'm more your Mommy than your girlfriend." she said, placing significant emphasis on the word "mommy". Charlotte sniffled as she listened to Renee. She felt like everything was falling apart and all because she'd gotten so hung up on stupid things like whether wearing a diaper made her somehow less of an adult, forgetting that her girlfriend loved her despite her need to wear the diapers and despite her need for a pacifier and despite her need for a bottle. Renee rose from the bed and walked to Charlotte, standing in front of the girl that wouldn't look up, "Or maybe you're too afraid to tell me that you're breaking up with me, in which case I want you to leave right now." she said coldly. Charlotte's blood went cold and she finally looked up, her eyes wide and red and puffy as she shook her head vehemently and began to spout a string of impassioned apologies and pleas for forgiveness in the most infantile, pacifier garbled way without any hint of embarrassment or even realization that she sounded like a toddler fighting to stay out of the naughty corner. Renee listened, though most of the babble spouting from Charlotte was indecipherable, she got the gist of what the girl was trying to say, and waited for her to finish blubbering before speaking again. "I don't know how I'm supposed to trust you, Charlotte." she began. "If I do forgive you for attacking me for no reason and accusing me of doing things to you, making me sound like a manipulative monster, I need some kind of assurance that you're not going to turn around in a few days or weeks or months and do the exact same thing again." she explained. Charlotte thought, her pacifier rapidly bobbing in her mouth as she nervously sucked on it, her mind coming up with no way of showing Renee she was sincere beyond her apologies. "Show me that you accept responsibility for your behavior." Renee said after seeing Charlotte had nothing. "Show me that you accept that you're infantile actions earned you your diapers, pacifier, bottles, all of it." she continued. Charlotte looked up at her and felt so lost and alone, why couldn't Renee just hug her and tell her everything was okay again? How was she supposed to show her any of that? Renee looked into those big brown eyes and smiled softly at the confused girl, taking her hands gently into her own and lowering herself to a squat, lightly pulling on Charlotte's hands to get the girl to follow her down before letting go of her hands and standing slowly back up, looking down at the now squatting Charlotte with tenderness. "If you want me to believe that you're sincere in your apology for your little tantrum then you need to show me that you're done pretending you're an equal partner in our relationship." she explained slowly and calmly. Charlotte looked up at her, wobbling in her squatted position as she looked all the way up at Renee's face, the change in perspective giving her the feeling that she really was the little girl Renee perceived her to be. Working the pacifier in her mouth rhythmically she nodded along with what Renee was saying, though she had to admit she'd missed most of it focusing on keeping her balance. "Show me that you're ready to accept that you need bottles and pacifiers and diapers because you're really not a big girl but a very little girl that's been playing pretend." Renee continued, her voice becoming more soothing and relaxing as she continued speaking. Charlotte's legs were growing increasingly unstable and she finally gave up her fight and allowed herself to tip backward so she was seated for a moment, her diaper crinkling beneath her dress. Craning her neck to look up at Renee tipped her back further and she finally came to rest on her back. Renee smiled down at Charlotte and knelt down between the girl's legs, lifting the girl's dress to reveal the diaper beneath before she placed a hand on the front of it. "Wet your diaper for me, baby." she commanded sweetly, her eyes locked on Charlotte's own. Charlotte hesitated, her mind trying to come to terms with everything that had transpired in the last few minutes, but the hand on her diaper pressed more insistently. "If you don't wet your diaper then I have to assume you're either lying to me about being sorry or you don't want to be with me anymore." Renee mused aloud, her hand gently caressing the front of the diaper. Charlotte's eyes went wide, she couldn't let Renee think that! Renee smiled and moved her hand downward to cup the lower middle portion of the diaper when she heard the sound of Charlotte relieving herself, the warmth of the diaper as it absorbed the wetness made her wish she could touch herself, but she was so close now to getting what she wanted that she couldn't jeopardize it for the sake of fleeting gratification. "Good baby." she cooed as the flow slowed and finally stopped. Charlotte suckled her pacifier and smiled up at Renee, she was happy and proud of her again and everything was going to be okay. "Now mess your diaper." Renee commanded in that same sweet and soothing tone. Charlotte didn't mean to, but reflex took over and she shook her head in protest. Renee's smile faded and she shook her head, removing her hand from Charlotte's diaper and covering her face. "I was so stupid to believe that you were actually mature enough to stop pretending you were a big girl." she chided herself. "I guess my love and acceptance of your infantile tendencies isn't enough." she added mournfully, her skills as an actress working overtime to sell her feigned sorrow. Charlotte babbled at her, waving her arms to get her attention, trying to tell her that she hadn't meant to disobey her, it was just reflex, but Renee wasn't looking at her. The little muffled toot brought a smile to her face when she heard it, but she had to force that smile to go away before she uncovered her face and saw Charlotte with her legs pulled up to her chest, eyes shut tight as she grunted and strained quietly through her pacifier. Renee reached out and gently placed a hand onto Charlotte's stomach, rubbing a small circle lightly but firmly just above the top of the girl's diaper. "You can do it, baby, fill your diaper up for me." she praised softly. If something as simple as a messy diaper would show Renee that she loved her and was serious about her apology then that's what she would give her, it wasn't the worst thing she'd ever have to experience in her life. The event was over fairly quickly, Renee having stopped the rubbing of Charlotte's stomach once the diaper began to bulge outward, instead holding her hand over the forming lump with a pleased smile on her face until Charlotte had finished and opened her eyes. "You're a very good, very little baby, aren't you, Charlotte?" Renee asked in her syrupy sweet tone. Charlotte nodded. Renee leaned forward and helped her girl up from the floor and onto her lap, Charlotte's legs splayed out behind her as she hugged the girl tightly and rubbed her back with one hand and patted the lumpy seat of her diaper with the other. "If you ask like a good baby, we can get you into a clean diaper before we go out." she cooed, leaning Charlotte back so they were facing one another as she removed the pacifier from the girl's mouth with a wet popping sound. "May I please have a clean diaper?" Charlotte asked in her most polite and respectful tone. Renee shook her head. "Do babies speak that clearly, sweetie?" she asked. Charlotte shook her head and nervously eyed her pacifier. "Try again." Renee urged. "Can...me...hab..cween...diapie...peese?" she asked, thinking carefully as she chose each word. "Who are you asking?" Renee asked. Charlotte looked confused. "...you?" she said questioningly. Renee smiled. "And who am I?" she asked. Charlotte had begun to move her thumb to her mouth to calm herself in the absence of her binky, her fixation keeping her from answering. Renee guided the girl's eyes to her own with a lift of her finger beneath the girl's chin. "Who changes baby when she has a stinky diaper?" Renee asked. Charlotte's thumb found its way into her mouth, a poor substitute for her binky, but it helped her to collect her jumbled thoughts long enough to finally answer the question. "Mommy." she said sweetly, looking into the eyes of the woman that loved her and was going to take care of her. "Would you like for Mommy to change your stinky diaper, baby?" Renee asked softly as she gently patted the seat of her girl's diaper once more, reinforcing the knowledge that there was a mess in there that Charlotte couldn't possibly deal with on her own. Charlotte hesitated until her thumb was removed and replaced with her binky along with a kiss on the tip of her nose that made her giggle and she nodded and gurgled something contentedly before she slumped into Renee and hugged her tightly.

Stroller has she said specifically why this objection exists? I'm wondering if cloth nappies are to blame. They don't have odour control and even though WE may think they don't smell (olfactory habituation or as @Rusty Pins amusingly described it to me "nose blindness"), I'm reliably assured that by morning in bed, they do a bit. I wear 24/7 and whilst I *will* wear cloth once or twice to bed (usually before washing day for the bedding), I usually use disposables under terry-lined waterproofs. My wife says she prefers those "any day" with me in bed and that she cannot detect any smell - this is the closest thing to a positive affirmation I can get out of her with respect to me wearing nappies...

I messed my diaper for the first time right now. I’m super excited, it feels great. It’s so warm and squishy and I don’t want to change!! I wanna tinkle too before I change.

I recently got a new apartment and made my bathroom a toddlers space. It has a potty training chart, potty chair, and little boy toilet seat. The bathtub is full of toys.

My earliest memory is having my nappy changed and screaming because mum stabbed me with the safety pin by mistake. I don't know my age but I don't think more than 2

I always keep my diaper covered with the exception when I am sleeping. If I am moving around the house, I always wear som pants and a shirt to keep my diaper out of sight. When I am in bed, I always wear a diaper, diaper cover, and a t shirt.

I have been shaving my privates for a number of years. I prefer being smooth, and now hair seems very weird and uncomfortable. I simply use soap and a disposable razor while taking my shower with no problems. If you may experience a little bit of a rash in the beginning , but that will stop after a while.

My parents weren't punishment oriented. The real punishment was having to grow up, go to college and work for 36 years at a thankless job before I could retire, stay at home and go back to being four years old.?

/// Cho and Star spent the night together, though it was entirely harmless. Cho left early in the morning to return home to change, meeting Star and the rest of the people at the funeral home on Fourth Street. But Cho didn't go in. Neither did Lindsay, who met up with Cho only a few minutes later. I took them both by the hands and led them into the little room where people were crammed shoulder to shoulder. Along the front row, the left side was immediate family; Claire and Chloe were both dressed in black, and her grandparents were there, too. The right hand side was the contents of our table, with three chairs left closest to the aisle. I sat down and motioned for Cho and Linds to sit. Most of the school was here and people expressed their grief in different ways; some wore black, some wore a tribute to Anna, like a band tee of someone she liked. There were six girls toward the front who wore their makeup exactly as Anna did - heavy on the eyeliner with a little tail at each edge. "I thought I'd hate these people…" Lindsay was talking to both Cho and Star. "I thought I'd hate the people who would see this funeral… who would come here even if they hardly knew her. But I find myself envious… because they're only mourning one person…" The three looked to the coffin at the front of the room with the giant blown-up picture next to it. The coffin was closed, though. To them, it seemed more honorable that way. But Cho and Lindsay had trouble remembering the last time they saw me. They wished they could've said something more profound. I was the first to approach the podium once the minister had finished his initial words. I looked at Cho, at Lindsay, and at Chloe and Claire. I looked silently across all the eyes that felt the same pain I did and I wondered if any words at all would be enough to do her justice. The room was silent, and my cheeks were stained with tears now, but my voice didn’t waiver the entire time. "She lived. Honestly, truly lived. And words can't describe the hole she left behind. Nothing will fill the void. Nothing will close the gap. But we shouldn't try to. We shouldn't try and forget, because dying is just a transition. But forgetting someone means they're gone forever. So live. And remember." It may have been the only time in my life I didn’t ramble. Then, I took my seat. Linds went up next, biting her quivering lip as she looked over the audience. What the hell was she supposed to say? "I… I've known Anna for as long as I can remember. I've known her as long as I've known anyone. She's been an amazing friend. And she's taught me so much. I'm… I'm so regretful that she can't teach me anything else, now, but I'm not going to forget her lessons. I'm gonna pass them on to everyone I meet. To my kids. And anyone who will listen. I'll talk about the values of people's lives. And how one person in the world can be better than the world itself. That was Anna… my Anna…" She had to step down, though, because she was crying too hard. Cho kissed her cheek and took her place, looking down at the podium as he spoke, and subsequently having to speak a little louder. "Doesn't it feel weird? Like there's this… big empty spot? Like there's a hole now? And you sometimes expect a text from her when your phone rings or you think she'll be at lunch the next day at school? And those thoughts won't go away, even though it's been a week already? And isn't it weird that you don't want them to go away? I hope when in two years at my graduation I expect to hear her name being called. And I hope after that, at my wedding, I expect her to be in the front row. Then when I'm having my fiftieth birthday party, I hope I'm expecting her to help me blow out the candles. And I hope I expect her to help me with my math homework and help me pick out clothes for funerals. And I hope every time I sit under a tree and reach over I expect to find her hand waiting for mine. Because as long as I expect she'll be there… she always will be." Chloe and Claire didn't talk ~ I'd spoken to them earlier and they'd declined the opportunity; how difficult it was for us it must have been a thousand times worse for her parents. So after we spoke, after the three of us said what we had to say, the minister took the podium again and finished the proceedings with comforting words. I thought about final things in my life; would I want to be buried or cremated? Thrown to sea? Anna had made it clear she wanted to go to ashes, that she wanted to leave something behind for those who loved her. The music began to play and the emptiness that was the end of a funeral began to set it. It was the last moment the Teletubby group would spend together. Cho was cuddled up to my chest and sobbing, and Linds clung to my other arm. Here I was, apparently the strong one. She'd be proud of me. The wake was somehow more crowded than the ceremony itself and Claire and Chloe held it at our house. Nothing was different, though, other than Claire didn't cook for once. There was a spread of food on the dining room table and board upon board of photographs lined the free walls of our living room. That's where Linds went first - she could find herself in half the pictures. A tall girl next to a short brunette. "This one is Juliet." Cho stepped up and agreed with Linds' assessment, explaining it to Star, their hands still intertwined. "It's the lipstick. She was always so flashy." My head felt somewhere between a headache and unconscious, like that space that should be occupied by pain was now only a void of emptiness that wasn't allowed to be occupied by anything else. Being strong was exhausting, and though Cho had convinced me to come to the wake… all I wanted to do was lay in bed and dream, and think about the girl I'd lost. We stood by the photos and my eyes carried across the pin-board. Anna. Anna. Juliet. Anna. Juliet. It was so obvious to me now - why hadn't it been then? The energy was gone from my words and even moving my lips seemed arduous. "It was Juliet, the first day I started school here. She kissed me." "Sounds like her," Linds said in a small amused tone. She didn't look up from the pictures though. "All the mirrors. Jeeze." Linds pointed out the pictures one by one taken near or through reflections. "Juliet liked mirrors. Anna hated pictures all together." "This one, Linds, remember this one?" Cho stepped up to one of the boards and pointed to a picture of him and me comparing heights. He always was a few millimeters taller. "You took that one." Linds smile was almost sincere. It was strange how the nostalgia made her feel. So miserable, but so happy. All the wonderful memories rushing back. They had years of memories with the girl that I'd known for only a fraction of a moment in my life. And though the two of them could draw solace from that library of experiences, I had so very little. Somewhere mid-conversation, I stepped away from the two and found myself sitting down next to Claire at the outdoor setting. Chloe had only attended the wake only as long as to give pleasantries to the people who showed up, then retired to her room. But Claire was a much better host. Still, it didn't deter the woman from sipping her fourth glass of wine and opting to sit alone outside in the late October winds. When Star sat down, she welcomed him with a smile. "What happened, Claire? If you don't mind me asking. I did a little bit of reading… about what you said. About her break. What I read said that there was usually a catalyst…" My gaze didn't meet the woman's eyes as she turned to look at me, and I continued softly. "Do you mind telling me?" "Anna was the happiest kid I've ever known. So incredibly cheerful. Always optimistic. I'm sure you know that, though. I'm sure you also know how fragile she can be. She's easily frustrated. Runs away from anything she can't deal with… it's a lot of the reason she had trouble in school…" Claire wasn't sure exactly how much she was getting across, though. She knew what she was saying was a precursor to answering Star's questions, but it was difficult for her not to get wrapped up in the memories. What do you do to comfort an adult? Claire was like me in a lot of ways, and just like me she was the one that people looked up to, the one relied upon to be the 'strong one' of a group. So I put my arm around her and I cuddled up close to her shoulder. Which I guess was odd, because I was never so affectionate with my own Mom. Then again, I adored Claire and Chloe both. So I smiled and nodded, and I listened to her as she spoke. "I wish I'd known her sooner in life, you know…? I'm not arrogant enough to think I could have saved her, but maybe all it would have taken was one more person to care. She's so lucky, Claire. She has the best parents I've ever met, and some of the best friends, too…" Claire put her head sideways onto Star's shoulder and smiled a bit. It was nice to have someone to take care of her for a moment, even if it was fleeting. "When Anna was ten, we went camping north of Meadow Brook. It was a weekend thing with her, me, Chloe and Chloe's parents. Anna wasn't very outdoorsy, but she loved exploring. We thought Chloe's parents were watching her, and they thought the same of us. So she wandered. We searched for her for days… we knew nothing dangerous was in the woods, but Anna was young. Chloe and I went six days without our daughter and that's the longest we'd ever gone. Until tomorrow… that'll be seven." “The only number that matters is how many wonderful days you got to share with your daughter, not how many days without." I didn't like to lecture or be preachy and I was careful never to be in any way condescending. But right now? I was strong for her. I was here for her. It's what a good friend does, and it's what Anna would have wanted. "So, alone in the woods for six days… what happened?" Based on what I'd read, it wasn't difficult to figure out the pieces to the puzzle, but I wanted to hear it from Claire. I wanted her to tell her daughter's story. "A couple found her… they were just walking through the woods. She was really finicky for a few days after getting home, but it didn't take her more than a week to start acting like Anna again. She had trouble talking at first, but it wasn't long before Chloe and I put our worries to rest. Some things were different, though. She liked to talk to herself, but we didn't find it that weird. She never dated anyone, but she was still young. And she rarely got frustrated anymore… whenever it would flare up, she's just find herself very determined. She aged and she changed a little more, but that's puberty. She became more reckless, more direct, wouldn't think things through. And around fifteen she'd get bouts of severe depression and would hurt herself… that's when we took her to the hospital. And you know the rest…” Claire's voice trailed off and she finished her glass of wine. No doubt, she was thinking about the things she could've done differently, maybe have been a better parent, but the idea of guilt and blame was a dead concept to both my parents. They'd gotten over those fears long ago. And now all that was left was sadness. "She was so afraid of being alone… and you can't run from loneliness. So she adapted…" It wasn't anything that the two of us didn't know now, but saying it out loud made it so visceral. Juliet had been her savior, had been the one that kept her from falling apart and losing herself. Juliet was her sword and her shield. And in context of everything I knew about both girls, the origin of the one who loved me made such perfect sense. We sat there in the chilled air together, my head on the woman's shoulder and hers resting against me for a time, before I finally spoke again. "Some stories end sooner than others, but the length of a story doesn't define its grandeur. Its the words on the pages. She's so lucky to have you both. You are the best parents I've ever met." It seemed such little solace in words, but what words even meant a thing at a time like this? Still, she needed to hear it. "Thank you, Star." Claire smiled up at the boy and kissed his forehead, then climbed to her feet and looked back into the house through the glass door wall. "I'm going to check on Chloe. You should find your friends. And please, come by and visit sometimes." Claire gave Star a small wave and left him alone on the porch. /// "Where've you been?" Cho locked his fingers with Star and tugged him through the living room. "Come on, come on. I wanna show you." "Just getting some fresh air, you know…" My voice had a little more spark to it than when I'd left and I guess that was a product of having to be strong again. Cho's hand was in mine and I wondered if I'd have to keep a little strength for him, too, but he seemed almost giddy. "I'm coming, I'm coming, what's the rush?" He gave me a pouty expression and I relented, hurrying behind the boy at his quickened pace. Cho pulled Star back to the fourteen boards of pictures that lined the walls and pointed to the second from the right. Linds, it seemed, had moved on from the picture boards and the only people who were standing around were strangers to both the two boys. Cho made sure they got in close and pointed to a small four-picture photo set near the bottom of Star and myself, though it wasn't me who was in the picture with him. Juliet and Star both smiled at the camera, but it was too close to have been taken by someone else. The colorful sheets of my bed lined the background and Star's left thumbnail was painted sparkly purple. "That's you." When did we…? I leaned in close with a look of bewilderment and looked at the set of photos to work out when it had been taken… "This is… the first time we went flying together…" I didn't remember taking it, but then again, we were high. It was so clear to me to look at it, too, though to anybody else it just looked like we were both extraordinarily happy. A happy couple. Like any other. An image of a future that could have been but never was. "I… I…" It was only now that I realized I was crying. Not just crying, either, but bawling my red-rimmed eyes out as I pulled Cho close. "I made her so happy…" Cho gave Star a warm smile and held him best he could despite his size. Cho was kind enough to take him away from the board, though, and sit him on the couch. They sat there for a long time, until the room thinned of people and Lindsay finally found her way back. Cho played with Star's hair and Linds sat down next to the two boys. "I'm glad we came here." It was Linds that spoke. Cho still hadn't said a word since Star had made his realization. Despite my tears, despite my exhaustion, despite the fact I'd spent all day feeling like a sink-hole with the plug removed… I was glad we did, too. I looked up at Linds and smiled as best I could manage, though my cheeks were red from the trails of tears and I could barely manage words above a hoarse whisper. “I’ll never forget her…” /// "Thank you for coming by." It was Claire who welcomed them. It was three days after the wake and Lindsay still had not dropped by, but Cho and Star made it a ritual. They sat on the couch and Claire made small finger sandwiches for the two boys, sitting on the couch opposite them. "Where's Chloe?" Claire smiled at Cho's question and looked out the back window. "She prays a lot. It's difficult for her…" But the cracks in Claire's usually perfect facade had become much more visible. It wasn't only difficult for my dark-haired mother. I was Claire's daughter too. "Is there anything we can do to help? And I don't just mean for Chloe…" Claire tried so very hard to pass things off as though she as coping, but the truth of the matter was she was falling apart just as badly as Chloe; she just kept it all inside. "You two are beautiful people, Claire. You raised a beautiful daughter. And I don't mean superficially. I mean literally. I've grown up with bad parents, and I… I was always so jealous that she had you both. You're the most amazing parents I've ever met. So if I can help…" I squeezed Cho's hand in mine and smiled as strongly as I could manage, looking at the boy and then at Claire. “If there's anything we can do… please let us." Claire looked contemplative for a moment, looking at the living room carpet. Finally she spoke up. "We want to pack up her room. Not the furniture. Just her stuff. We'll go through it one day, but right now, we just can't… so if you'd like to…" Cho nodded quickly, getting up from the couch and heading up the stairs, first passing the fireplace and each of two urns. It was Chloe's idea. That way, we could finally rest. /// "We used to lay in her bed together, with the curtains closed and fly." My hands traced the material of the curtains and I looked at Cho with a little smile on my face. "You should have seen her the first time. She was so stressed and she was chain smoking so I told her I had a better idea. Can you imagine what an amazing mind like hers must have seen when she was on mushrooms, Cho? I've been giving it a lot of thought, and I think that day we took the photos was the second time I met Juliet." "Second time?" The shorter boy started packing my belongings into cardboard boxes. It was evident that my parents had already made attempts, but had clearly failed. Cho packed my clothes first, making sure to search my underwear drawer for anything I might not want my parents seeing. But there was nothing. I was a very simple girl. I thought about it with a little smile and nodded my head, "The first day I was at school, the day we met. I think I met Juliet that day, because she kissed me." I picked through her nail polishes and found the sparkly purple one that we'd worn the first time I'd painted our thumbs. With a casual motion, I slipped it into my pocket. She'd have wanted me to have it. "I don't think she was afraid of dying, because you see some incredible things when you're flying, Cho. And maybe she already saw Heaven the first time we flew together. Maybe she knew where she was going. The first time we did it together, I saw her with a halo. She would lay down and her hair flowed into water. That's why I used to call her Angel. Guess I never realized how true that would be…" "Come on, Star. Let's keep packing." Cho didn't mind Star talking about Juliet the way he did, but he had learned to read the boy over the past few weeks and he wanted to avoid too much introspection. So they spent most of the afternoon there and reminisced of Juliet and me like we were sisters rather than the same person. Eventually, though, the sun began to set and it cast the room in shadows. The boys vowed to come back the next day, but when they went to tell my parents, they were in the backyard on their knees in the grass. Claire and Chloe, much like Star, were not very religious people. But they couldn't bear the thought of their daughter having gone nowhere, so they knelt and they prayed. I took Cho by the hand and we knelt quietly behind the two grieving mothers for a time. I didn't know how to pray, so I thought about all the things I wanted to say to Anna but never got the chance. I told her how Cho and I were closer than ever this past week. That we decided if we got together and had kids, we'd name them Anna and Juliet. And I told her how much I missed her. We got up and I kissed Chloe and Claire's cheeks from behind and led Cho out the front door. "Kinda weird, isn't it? You feel like a story ended, but you know yours has so much longer to go. You're not leaving me, are you, Cho? I wanna write my story with you. And when we see Anna, and Juliet? I want them to be proud of us for the words we wrote in life.” Cho nodded and slipped his fingers in between Star's as they left my house. "I'm not going anywhere, yet. But when we do, I know they'll be proud of us." I always had faith in my parents, and my friends, and especially in Star. I knew they'd make me proud, and I believed it more than anything. They'd all live amazing lives, together or apart. And when they finally found me again, they'd have amazing stories to tell. I would miss them until that time came, but they missed me already. And goodbyes work both ways. [End.]