Sick of being disabled

[SpiderBaby]

I'll be honest, I've been very depressed lately. And my weekend caregiver is leaving so I'm having to train a new one. Sometimes I feel like I don't want to live anymore. I'm just so sick of being disabled and feeling helpless and alone and like I don't have a life of my own. I'm just so sick and tired of dealing with this disability. I know people love me and I love them but sometimes I just feel like I can't take it anymore.

[foreverdl]

1 hour ago, Little Spider said:

I'll be honest, I've been very depressed lately. And my weekend caregiver is leaving so I'm having to train a new one. Sometimes I feel like I don't want to live anymore. I'm just so sick of being disabled and feeling helpless and alone and like I don't have a life of my own. I'm just so sick and tired of dealing with this disability. I know people love me and I love them but sometimes I just feel like I can't take it anymore.

Can I ask what your disability is? your soo young to have that kind of problems and I know you can be depressed at any age. But is there any way that talking can help?

[SpiderBaby]

2 hours ago, foreverdl said:

Can I ask what your disability is? your soo young to have that kind of problems and I know you can be depressed at any age. But is there any way that talking can help?

I have and was born with cerebral palsy. I'm 29 years old, almost 30, and I just feel like I've had enough of life. I mean I get that people love me and all, and I really appreciate that, I do. But living like this is its own type of hell. I hate feeling trapped in my own body. I'm sick of having to deal with people. And I'm sick of having to deal with not being able to walk and run and have my own freedom and lead my life the way I want. And I hate having to use my left hand for everything. I hate my life so much. Honestly I don't look forward to life, I hate life, and the sooner I die the sooner I'll be happy.

[DailyDi]

I'm so sorry you are struggling. I can't imagine what it is like to live with your limitations; but you are right: There are people who love you and want you around. Sometimes when living for yourself is not enough, you have to lean on living for those people.

 

Big hugs!

[foreverdl]

I also am sorry you have to deal with it all, I can't imagine what its like to have that for your whole live. I really hope you can find a way to want to Live. 

But I do agree we want you to stay, and I also really hope there is some way to make your life better 

We are to support each other , even if its only talking to each other .

If you need someone else to talk to you can MM me. I have chronic pain issues etc, and maybe we can share and make some positive outcome?

[SpiderBaby]

3 minutes ago, foreverdl said:

I also am sorry you have to deal with it all, I can't imagine what its like to have that for your whole live. I really hope you can find a way to want to Live. 

But I do agree we want you to stay, and I also really hope there is some way to make your life better 

We are to support each other , even if its only talking to each other .

If you need someone else to talk to you can MM me. I have chronic pain issues etc, and maybe we can share and make some positive outcome?

Thank you! I would like that very much. Sometimes I get so caught up in my own suffering that I forget about the people around me, so it's nice to hear that people care about me and want me to live and stay with them.

[Albert-1701]

I sometimes have the same feelings. It is not so much being disabled. However I do have some disabilities. One is that I was born with my right leg anout 3/4 of an inch shorter than my left leg. I did not learn to walk until I was almost 3 years of age. Most babies are walking at about 2  to 2½ years of age.

The main reason I feel the way that Little Spider feels is the world situation. It is all of the hatred, wars and the way things are going. If that all keeps going, someday we will be the cause of this Planet becoming uninhabitable. I would like to see the day when everyone gets along with everyone else regardless of our relgions, political beliefs, skin colors, sexual orientation, likes or fetishes, or anything else. We are all human beings regardless of those things. If we ae male, we have the same things inside of our bodies as all other males. If we are females, we have the same thing in our bodeis as all other females. ABove all we are all human beings. We need to start treating everyone the same regardless of the things I just mentioned.

There are times that I feel as if I do not want to live anymore eitehr. In fact I say to myself every day, why don't I do something to just end my life. I do not say this outloud. I only say it in my mind. So, I can understand the feelings of Little Spider very well. Whether I will or will not end my own life someday, I do not know. I know that someday it will end regardless. Dieing is a part of living. I do belive that when we die only our bodies die. We do go on in a different form far far away from this Planet. That place is called Heaven. Even if we end our lives, GOD will forgive us as it may be his way of ending our lives. If HE wanted to stop us, HE could no matter what we do to our bodies. It may even be the way that HE intended for us to die in the first place. If it wasn't HIS way of wanting us to die HE could do something to stop it no matter how much damage we do to our bodies.

That is is just my opinion.

Albert

me-1701@proton.me

[~Brian~]

1 hour ago, Albert-1701 said:

sometimes have the same feelings. It is not so much being disabled. However I do have some disabilities. One is that I was born with my right leg anout 3/4 of an inch shorter than my left leg. I did not learn to walk until I was almost 3 years of age. Most babies are walking at about 2  to 2½ years of age.

@Albert-1701

me, I kind of think of it as a challenge that God gives me, and I’m always told that “God won’t give you a challenge that he doesn’t think that you can handle“ been told this by about four pastors that I have served with as a volunteer at the Trinity United Methodist Church in Montpelier Vermont. I believe what these past years of us told me, because God allows me to live, and he’s given me the ways in the means to be able to do it. Sometimes not exactly the way I planned on it, and not necessarily the way I think I want to live, but sometimes you just have to “play it by ear“. 

For the record, I also have cerebral palsy just like @Little Spider does, and I can understand and empathize, as well as sympathize with his position. There are many times, when I run into problems, myself, and as of late I have been dealing with a lot of pain either from my headaches for my body aches, or for my shoulders. In the last three years I have dealt with pain that I really didn’t think I was going to be able to control. Thank God that I have good physicians and also a good specialist help me through this part of this. Most of the time when you deal with your disability, it can throw you a curveball, and make you realize that you’re not super man, and you can’t live like that every day, because eventually you do slow down. I have been fortunate in my 52 years, that I haven’t run into major problems so far. The only thing I’ve ever had to have removed is my appendix, and I had that removed at age 30 prior to this. The only surgery I ever had was related to my cerebral palsy, life is not easy, but I try to do the best I can, even though the world around us doesn’t seem to think very clearly, and we have people out there, who are out there, to get as much for themselves as possible, rather than having somebody who is a sworn official in a city state, a county, etc. that wants to help the individuals like a senator or representative. Many of the people in our government today are so ridiculous that they don’t understand. Donald Trump is a wonderful example of how not to do something: he just does it, because he can get away with it, and no one hold them accountable, while most of us in the world today have the moral turpitude, and the understanding understand that there are “right things“ and “wrong things” that we do.

The world around us is full of interesting challenges.  I have learned over the last few years that the most important thing in your life is that you try to live your life to the fullest, because every day that you can get up and do something no matter how insignificant is a day that you can thank the Lord that you’re still alive and able to do what you want to do. I’ve also learned that it’s almost a certainty that eventually I will die, but I also cherish every moment that I can spend with my family members, especially my brothers, because they are important to me. None of them will ever replace my brother Richard, who is deceased, but , it’s always good that I have them around because they mean a lot to me and I mean a lot to learn. Being the oldest, I always try to set the best example that I can, which doesn’t necessarily mean that I’m always right or that I set the right example at all times, but I was trying. To me, life is a challenge, and I accept it willingly, and I know there are certain things that I could’ve done 25 years ago, that I can’t do now, or I can do in a limited fashion because of my age, but I always try to do the best I can. 

@Albert-1701 was talking about how he walked when he was three years old, one of his legs was a little shorter than the other. I have been using a walker for many years, and then a pair of crutches. When I was in middle school, I always use my walker to go from place to place, but when I ended up going to fifth grade, I graduated to my crutches, and I stayed with my crutches until I was probably 38 or 48. It got harder for me to be able to walk and a lot more dangerous, so I went to my chair full-time and I’ve been using my chair full-time ever since I was 23 when I moved in on my Own. To me, life is a challenge, as I said, but I meet the challenge every day. And the example above, I was able to use a walker, and then crutches, are used leg braces for many years, and then at the age of 10, I had a very close friend who lives with us. That was my mom’s boyfriend at the time, and he basically said that “ you’re going to walk across this room and you’re not going to use your walker and you’re not going to use your crutches you’re going to walk without them“ and I told him what are you crazy?

He said that he would help me, and he told me that if I were to fall that he would pick me up and we would continue to do this. I thought it was going to be impossible because my braces in my shoes  weigh so much. Long story short, nobody ever thought that I would ever be able to walk without my crutches nobody ever thought I’d be able to walk without my walker, nobody ever thought I’d be able to walk without my braces, and nobody ever thought that I would be able to wear regular street shoes without anything attached. i’d be all of these expectations down and beat every single challenge. I had doctors in everyone worried about it, but I said that “I was damn happy that I was able to do it“ I even had my parents call the handicapped children services clinic when I made that happen and scheduled an appointment with the doctors so that I could figure out if it was safe for me to do what I was doing when they saw what I was doing they just wanted me to be careful when I was tired because my legs could give out and I could fall . 

The day that I had done this for the first time I was 10 years old, so I tell people that I walked, and I took my first steps unassisted at age 10. People may think this is kind of crazy. I tied my shoes for the first time at age 11, because I didn’t have the dexterity to be able to handle to put my shoes on unassisted without help, and my stepmother helped me learn how to tie my shoes at that time. Once I was able to do that, everything seem to be a lot easier. It gave me confidence to be able to know that I could do those particular tasks by myself that I didn’t need my parents to do them for me.  as I said, life is a challenge and you have to be able to face the challenge some of the challenges you face you might not be able to do right away, some of them you might need help with, some of them you could not do it all maybe, but the best and best and important thing is that you give it your best and you try . 

@Little Spider  I know that it can be hard sometimes. I know that sometimes your body doesn’t respond the way you want it to, and you feel like you want to throw in the towel, or do you want to make things “easier for you“. Life is not easy, and I don’t think I ever was especially for people like us. most of our friends can do things that we can’t do, most of the time we want to do things that we can’t do because of our physical limitations, or a mental limitations or maybe it is that we can’t understand some thing, and we need to do something 25 times  to actually “get it“, where someone who is not disabled might be able to do it five times and get it. Sometimes life isn’t fair, and I know it sucks because I’ve seen it happen when you wish that you could do some thing that maybe your brothers or your sisters or your cousins or somebody could do. Example of this is all of my brothers can play basketball , and did play basketball every single one of them except for my brother Richard of course: I am the older brother, but I always look up to my younger brothers, because there are things that I can learn from them, and they can learn for me. They have helped me in many times of trouble,  and I might not be able to do something, but they’ll always help me because they understand. 

I understand that sometimes things can suck, and you wish that it didn’t suck. I’ve had a situation where I just feel so irritated and so angry that I want to smash my finger or smash my arm or smash my fingers through some thing, but I try not to do that. Sometimes my parents can make me mad, but if I let them make me that mad, and make me that irritated then they win. If I let them make me that mad, then I’m the one that loses, because I’m the one who wants to be the one who has a brain in his head that can understand what’s going on and not be upset, but I can’t help it sometimes it just happens. Just like a spastic reaction I get spastic or I get tight or I get tired easy or I just feel like sleeping. Sometimes it sucks and that’s part of having a disability but I don’t give up because I only have one shot at this, and I want to make it the best shot I have. I have several nieces and nephews and I’m proud of that, and I am the oldest brother, so I want to be able to set the best example that I can and be able to realize and understand that I have limitations and I can’t be , superman like I said. The best thing I can say to you is do something that helps you to be happy, when I was 47, I joined daily diapers because I was dealing with issues like this, and after spending many many many hours during the pandemic, online talking to people, I finally realize that a piece of meat was missing, and I couldn’t figure out what that piece was , but I found it and it’s because of people on daily diapers that I finally understand and except who I am and what I am and I’m not ashamed of it and I’m not afraid of it and I accept it and I roll whole heartedly forward. I am incontinent and I am a DL, and I’m not going to change that nor will I ever change it. That’s the way I am wired. That’s the way I am and I’ll always be that way. One thing that I always will be thankful for is that I have friends here that help me to understand that, and understand that I am not some freak or somebody that is crazy or silly or stupid or whatever people sometimes say about kinks, they don’t understand or situations they don’t deal with. You and I as people with cerebral palsy understand some of those your CP might be a little bit more severe than mine, but I would never throw in the towel simply because you’re tired of it, you have plenty of people here that love you care for you and we understand. Your mom loves you as well my friend, never forget that, and we will be here for you. Should you need us will always be there.

When we were born, we didn’t come with instruction manuals, and our parents had to “wing it” as they figured out how to take care of us. We look up to them because we didn’t have a choice, we needed to learn different skills. I needed to learn different ways of doing things. As I said, somebody that could walk at two or 2 1/2, probably walked at 10 or 11 like me, if at all, and some of us really had profound situations to deal with, but we have good people to help us wake your support people. My roommate and I have lived across from each other ever since 1995, and I have seen him change in many ways, and get wiser as he ages as well. He is at the same worker as a primary for most of the 29 years he’s lived here, which is incredible. Both of us have had case managers that have come and gone, and had plenty of service changes and different things that happened in Vermont law and a lot of these things can affect how we do things. What I’m trying to say is even when somebody throws a wrench to try to  message shop, what we try to do is we try to slog through it. This doesn’t necessarily mean that you don’t have your friends around you don’t have people that will help you, because we do have people that will help us that love us they care about us. Sometimes they might have , a different opinion as to what we’re dealing with, and I’ve had my situations where I thought that it was crazy, and I’ve told my stepmom and my dad and my stepfather and my mom that “I am not here to fight or argue or get into trouble I’m just here because I wanna be and I love you and that’s the way it is“. I told my parents that “I’m not getting any younger and neither are you and I’m not gonna worry about not being able to do something to SIMPLY because of the fact that somebody thinks that I gave up and I didn’t wanna do it anymore, I’m getting older I’m hurting I’m dealing with situation after situation, but I’m still here, and I still love you, and I always well” when I started having problems with pain in my shoulders, my back, my neck, my head and things like that, I thought “oh my god, this is going to suck” it does, but it is livable, and it is serviceable. I have a good doctors and I have a good support system is to help me through things that are hard to deal with.

So please: if you need help, don’t hesitate to reach out. cerebral palsy is not hard to deal with all the time, it’s a challenge, but without a challenge life can be too easy. Remember you are an AB, I AM A DL: REMEMBER, EMBRACE IT ENJOY IT THE BEST YOU CAN!

Brian

[~Brian~]

3 hours ago, Albert-1701 said:

The main reason I feel the way that Little Spider feels is the world situation. It is all of the hatred, wars and the way things are going. If that all keeps going, someday we will be the cause of this Planet becoming uninhabitable. I would like to see the day when everyone gets along with everyone else regardless of our relgions, political beliefs, skin colors, sexual orientation, likes or fetishes, or anything else. We are all human beings regardless of those things. If we ae male, we have the same things inside of our bodies as all other males. If we are females, we have the same thing in our bodeis as all other females. ABove all we are all human beings. We need to start treating everyone the same regardless of the things I just mentioned

@Albert-1701

I also wanted to respond to you on this particular point: the world around us really sucks. We have a political system that does not work effectively. We have Democrats Republicans and independent. Each one of them has their own agenda, which is driven basically by the party that is in power. During this power struggle, during the whole time, Donald Trump was in power, everybody was lying to us, everybody was telling us half truths, denying things that were true, or saying things that were faults, or Donald Trump was going on TV calling all of the networks “fake news” 

I can see why people are upset with our government. There are people who decide what happens depending on who the heck is in power. The Republicans had power in the Senate and the Democrats had the house and now the Republicans have the house the Democrats have the Senate, and nothing is getting done, what’s happening is that Donald Trump is making the 2024 election, a circus, denying everything, trying to stop legal prosecution of wrongs that he’s committed. He is contaminated the supreme court contaminated all of the things that make our legal system effective, and now no one can trust the supreme court either because somebody’s got their hands involved in that . Normally, I don’t talk about politics, because that can really drive someone crazy, and drive wedges between individuals, but in this case, I must digress. 
 

I wish that people that were running our government could see how their inability and in action can cause people to think that no one cares about us. Our taxes go up our water bills go up, or electricity goes up. Gas goes up food goes up. Everything goes up: the only thing that doesn’t is our checks in an appropriate manner, so that our checks will actually mean and be worth the same amount of money, as our inflation causes it to lose. The most important thing that I have is integrity, honesty, and the ability to understand right from wrong. Anybody that gets involved in government has their own little agendas, and everybody has their own little problems, but the problem is that the parties don’t get along they don’t want to work together, and that is part of the reason why it is very depressing.. If we could all get along and figure out that there are people around here that need help, and they can figure out a way to get us the help we needed, it would help. I’ve been on taught from the time that I could understand what it meant that I have a responsibility to take care of things, I can take care of, and I have the ability to ask for help, and that I should ask for help for those things that I need help with, that doesn’t necessarily absolve my responsibility of these particular things, but apparently this particular government structure thinks that Donald Trump is better than any other president that we’ve ever had and he is the worst president that we’ve had.  he makes me worry he makes me wonder what am I gonna lose as a American citizen of 52 years old? What is he going to take away from women? What is it going to take away from anybody else? He’s going to take away the right to decide what’s going to happen, certain individuals he’s gonna make it harder for people to get what they need.

instead of doing what is appropriate, you have people that are fighting fighting hard, but they’re not saying much and they’re not doing much to make us feel safe make us feel like they can be trusted enough to be able to run our country. I got into a disagreement, my room and my brother last night because he thinks Donald Trump is a lot better than any Democrats he does not like the Democrats he does not want the Democrats and he said “he’s gonna vote down, ballot all red“ I don’t understand why people cannot see the type of idiocy that is going on in our elections and why we have a felon who is running for president who is allowed to continue to do this. This does have a legitimate reason to be stated in this post, because with this type of government, I’m not even sure that I trust that the people that could do something about this will actually do it, and that all of these things that Donald Trump is saying he would do would be stopped. 
 

I can see why people would be upset, and white people would be losing their confidence in our government. We have people that are threatening to do things that they shouldn’t, and doing things are immoral, improper illegal, and everything else. I get sick of arguing with my brother over how stupid Trump is, and where he ask and he tells me “Trump is a comedian“ Trump is not a comedian, he is a loser he is a manipulator. He is a dictator. He is a tyrant. He is a know it all and he needs to get knocked down, he’s picked on people that are veterans the disabled and people who don’t have a voice, and it’s about time that we put a sock in it for him so that he doesn’t get a chance to do this. I can understand why people are upset I don’t wanna go any further than this other than to say that this world is messed up and it will be continually messed up as long as two sides do not work together to do what is right and what is honorable for the people of the United States, who decide who the president is 

I can’t wait until something happens that helps. Everyone: there are not enough drugs in the world for me, or for Mikey to be able to deal with another four years of Donald Trump. I’m sick of screaming my bloody head off because I see Donald Trump trying to get away with something that’s obvious but he doesn’t see his own reality, his reality is the one he makes for himself, and it isn’t right.

May God bless the USA, and may the American people make the decision that they know to be right! May we all also be able to someday trust in the fact that our governmental for laws will work for everyone not in such a way that one person gets away with it and everybody else gets in trouble.

Brian

[SpiderBaby]

9 hours ago, Albert-1701 said:

There are times that I feel as if I do not want to live anymore eitehr. In fact I say to myself every day, why don't I do something to just end my life. I do not say this outloud. I only say it in my mind. So, I can understand the feelings of Little Spider very well. Whether I will or will not end my own life someday, I do not know. I know that someday it will end regardless. Dieing is a part of living. I do belive that when we die only our bodies die. We do go on in a different form far far away from this Planet. That place is called Heaven. Even if we end our lives, GOD will forgive us as it may be his way of ending our lives. If HE wanted to stop us, HE could no matter what we do to our bodies. It may even be the way that HE intended for us to die in the first place. If it wasn't HIS way of wanting us to die HE could do something to stop it no matter how much damage we do to our bodies.

That is is just my opinion.

Albert

me-1701@proton.me

That's a very interesting perspective. I've never heard of that before. Admittedly I've always felt guilty about my suicidal tendencies and not wanting to be here anymore, but this puts things in a new light. Just like you I really don't know if I will end my life someday, I hope I don't because I know what grief is like and it's one of the worst feelings that you can ever go through and I don't want to put that on my family. I really hope my life gets better to the point where I want to live for myself again but at this point I don't see that happening I hope I'm wrong though. I don't enjoy feeling that way anymore than my family would if they missed me. I guess what I'm trying to say is thoughts of suicide and suicidal tendencies suck not just for the person going through it but for the people around them too. Because no one wants to feel that way and I definitely don't. Having said all that I'm glad I posted a topic like this, because it made me realize that there are people that feel the same way I do and that I'm not alone. Which makes me feel less guilty about me not to be here anymore. Thank you for listening. Talking through this really helps me.

[Albert-1701]

4 hours ago, Little Spider said:

That's a very interesting perspective. I've never heard of that before. Admittedly I've always felt guilty about my suicidal tendencies and not wanting to be here anymore, but this puts things in a new light. Just like you I really don't know if I will end my life someday, I hope I don't because I know what grief is like and it's one of the worst feelings that you can ever go through and I don't want to put that on my family. I really hope my life gets better to the point where I want to live for myself again but at this point I don't see that happening I hope I'm wrong though. I don't enjoy feeling that way anymore than my family would if they missed me. I guess what I'm trying to say is thoughts of suicide and suicidal tendencies suck not just for the person going through it but for the people around them too. Because no one wants to feel that way and I definitely don't. Having said all that I'm glad I posted a topic like this, because it made me realize that there are people that feel the same way I do and that I'm not alone. Which makes me feel less guilty about me not to be here anymore. Thank you for listening. Talking through this really helps me.

Little Spider,

 

Glad to read what you just said. I agree with you not just 100& but INFENITE%,

Albert

me-1701@proton.me

 

[~Brian~]

On 10/27/2024 at 10:54 AM, ~Brian~ said:

@Albert-1701

I also wanted to respond to you on this particular point: the world around us really sucks. We have a political system that does not work effectively. We have Democrats Republicans and independent. Each one of them has their own agenda, which is driven basically by the party that is in power. During this power struggle, during the whole time, Donald Trump was in power, everybody was lying to us, everybody was telling us half truths, denying things that were true, or saying things that were faults, or Donald Trump was going on TV calling all of the networks “fake news” 

I can see why people are upset with our government. There are people who decide what happens depending on who the heck is in power. The Republicans had power in the Senate and the Democrats had the house and now the Republicans have the house the Democrats have the Senate, and nothing is getting done, what’s happening is that Donald Trump is making the 2024 election, a circus, denying everything, trying to stop legal prosecution of wrongs that he’s committed. He is contaminated the supreme court contaminated all of the things that make our legal system effective, and now no one can trust the supreme court either because somebody’s got their hands involved in that . Normally, I don’t talk about politics, because that can really drive someone crazy, and drive wedges between individuals, but in this case, I must digress. 
 

I wish that people that were running our government could see how their inability and in action can cause people to think that no one cares about us. Our taxes go up our water bills go up, or electricity goes up. Gas goes up food goes up. Everything goes up: the only thing that doesn’t is our checks in an appropriate manner, so that our checks will actually mean and be worth the same amount of money, as our inflation causes it to lose. The most important thing that I have is integrity, honesty, and the ability to understand right from wrong. Anybody that gets involved in government has their own little agendas, and everybody has their own little problems, but the problem is that the parties don’t get along they don’t want to work together, and that is part of the reason why it is very depressing.. If we could all get along and figure out that there are people around here that need help, and they can figure out a way to get us the help we needed, it would help. I’ve been on taught from the time that I could understand what it meant that I have a responsibility to take care of things, I can take care of, and I have the ability to ask for help, and that I should ask for help for those things that I need help with, that doesn’t necessarily absolve my responsibility of these particular things, but apparently this particular government structure thinks that Donald Trump is better than any other president that we’ve ever had and he is the worst president that we’ve had.  he makes me worry he makes me wonder what am I gonna lose as a American citizen of 52 years old? What is he going to take away from women? What is it going to take away from anybody else? He’s going to take away the right to decide what’s going to happen, certain individuals he’s gonna make it harder for people to get what they need.

instead of doing what is appropriate, you have people that are fighting fighting hard, but they’re not saying much and they’re not doing much to make us feel safe make us feel like they can be trusted enough to be able to run our country. I got into a disagreement, my room and my brother last night because he thinks Donald Trump is a lot better than any Democrats he does not like the Democrats he does not want the Democrats and he said “he’s gonna vote down, ballot all red“ I don’t understand why people cannot see the type of idiocy that is going on in our elections and why we have a felon who is running for president who is allowed to continue to do this. This does have a legitimate reason to be stated in this post, because with this type of government, I’m not even sure that I trust that the people that could do something about this will actually do it, and that all of these things that Donald Trump is saying he would do would be stopped. 
 

I can see why people would be upset, and white people would be losing their confidence in our government. We have people that are threatening to do things that they shouldn’t, and doing things are immoral, improper illegal, and everything else. I get sick of arguing with my brother over how stupid Trump is, and where he ask and he tells me “Trump is a comedian“ Trump is not a comedian, he is a loser he is a manipulator. He is a dictator. He is a tyrant. He is a know it all and he needs to get knocked down, he’s picked on people that are veterans the disabled and people who don’t have a voice, and it’s about time that we put a sock in it for him so that he doesn’t get a chance to do this. I can understand why people are upset I don’t wanna go any further than this other than to say that this world is messed up and it will be continually messed up as long as two sides do not work together to do what is right and what is honorable for the people of the United States, who decide who the president is 

I can’t wait until something happens that helps. Everyone: there are not enough drugs in the world for me, or for Mikey to be able to deal with another four years of Donald Trump. I’m sick of screaming my bloody head off because I see Donald Trump trying to get away with something that’s obvious but he doesn’t see his own reality, his reality is the one he makes for himself, and it isn’t right.

May God bless the USA, and may the American people make the decision that they know to be right! May we all also be able to someday trust in the fact that our governmental for laws will work for everyone not in such a way that one person gets away with it and everybody else gets in trouble.

Brian

This post was designed to let people now that we have a lot of problems in the world around us. Do you have among them is that everyone try to get along and help each other. Right now, all we’re hearing is a bunch of stuff that makes it quite hard for people to be able to have confidence in the government that we have. We have to decide to put our differences aside to make sure that our government runs the way it should. 

Right now we have a government that does not work appropriately. We have a government that basically wants us to choose either one side or another side. I remember one time that I had a volunteer that I worked with get upset when I was working, because one of our church members who usually helps with resolving disputes, did not side with somebody’s views, and I told this volunteer that this church member does not take sides, he listens to both sides and tries to help us make a decision that is fair to both sides.

I really don’t want this to turn into a political fire storm: all I’m trying to say is that our government needs to work better to help the people that need it. Right now we have people that need healthcare, they need housing, they need other things that are important, and that’s why it is very important that we all decide one way or the other during the selection cycle.  Because of everything that’s happened, we have to be extra careful about what we’re doing, where we’re going, who we are around sometimes, and we have to make sure that we make the best decision possible to make sure that the America we want will survive.

these are concerns that I share because right now there are people that don’t seem to care about the United States, they don’t care about people that need help. All they wanna do is make everything into a political statement. I’m not trying to make this a political statement all I’m trying to say is that I want a government that works and I want a place that I can call home that safe. We don’t have to worry about one side or another blowing something out of proportion we don’t have to worry about people getting hurt and we have the healthcare and we have the stability of the economy and we have everything that’s going on right now continue, because it’s helping people to do better. We need housing for example and that is one of the most important things we need to be able to make sure that people have jobs as well and that we can use more money and less inflation but unfortunately, those are things we cannot control, but we can always make sure that we put the right person in charge of making sure that we continue our good fortunes. There are others however, that are having difficulty in that is also another thing that I am concerned about. I guess what I’m saying is with all of this ridiculousness it’s always a good thing to be able to come home to DD for example, because we don’t have to worry about it. I remember when we were in the midst of COVID-19, and everybody was saying this, and that and the other thing, and nobody knew really what was going on, and we were having discussions, there were so many people telling us things that we couldn’t even determine whether they were true or whether they were  false:  right now, there’s a lot of uncertainty, and that causes my anxiety to rise. I just hope that when this election cycle is complete, and we’re able to do our duty, that people are able to continue to do as they’re doing, and have the same freedoms and abilities to enjoy them as they always have.

I also worry about one thing: in December, it will be time once again to decide for me, which Medicare plan that I want to be on. They call that “open enrollment“. They’re offering me a part C plan, which covers my dental in my vision. This new part C plan also talks about my prescription drugs having zero co-pay, so I’m not even sure if that is even a valid plan, but even if it was, I also have to make sure that the place I use for my dental and for my vision take the plan. I’ve also run into situations where the plan is not accepted, so I end up with a situation where my glasses get expensive. 

So these are the types of things that I worry about: our government just doesn’t seem to understand what’s going on, and we have all of these people that need help, but will they get it? Not even sure, depending on who wins the election, but as @DailyDi said “there isn’t enough anxiety medicine in the world for me to deal with four more years of him “. It is my hope that we are able to help people that need it. There was a couple of stories about some new housing that was going up in my city. There is one place that is exactly right across the street from my father, and where he lives, which will be low income, housing, and right in the downtown section of the city, where I live, there’s a new building going up. With the cost of everything going up so high it’s hard to determine what we’ll have available and how much money will have, so I guess part of the reason for posting this is maybe because I’m a little bit nervous? 
 

does anybody else feel the way I do? I don’t want to turn this into a political satire, but it just seems like the obvious things that people see around us don’t seem to be obvious to people that could make it happen. Or maybe it’s because I’m the type of guy who likes to help people, and I’ve always wanted to do that. It’s just hard..... 

Brian

[SpiderBaby]

Well I still want to kill myself, but I'm feeling a lot better mentally. Me and my mom talked about my suicidal tendencies and thoughts and it really made me feel better that I could open up to her like that without feeling like she was going to put me in a psych ward or mental institution. I felt like she understood what I was going through and the amount of pain I was in. She said that she felt like she didn't have a life of her own either and that made me realize that I wasn't alone. She said "Jesse, we just have to endure that's all anyone can ever really do". And that really stuck with me, I still want to end my life but at least I feel like a big weight is lifted off my shoulders and I've decided to just take it one day at a time. It's a lot easier to do it that way.

[foreverdl]

5 hours ago, SpiderBaby said:

Well I still want to kill myself, but I'm feeling a lot better mentally. Me and my mom talked about my suicidal tendencies and thoughts and it really made me feel better that I could open up to her like that without feeling like she was going to put me in a psych ward or mental institution. I felt like she understood what I was going through and the amount of pain I was in. She said that she felt like she didn't have a life of her own either and that made me realize that I wasn't alone. She said "Jesse, we just have to endure that's all anyone can ever really do". And that really stuck with me, I still want to end my life but at least I feel like a big weight is lifted off my shoulders and I've decided to just take it one day at a time. It's a lot easier to do it that way.

I agree with your mom, I know it's not fare for you to have all this at a younger age. I'm glad your mom's supportive , we can't be there,  all we can do is help you by being  friends . And trying to help support you, I have several different disability issues , I have lost a portion of my lungs usage, on oxygen when I sleep, and when there is any smoke around and thats even cigarettes I cannot breathe around any smoke, I have albuterol , both nebulizer and rescue  ones. Neck to feet pain I'm on narcotics and what ever I can get my Dr to try on top of that. I don't want to say any of my  issues are anywhere near as bad as yours ,  I can't do any of the things I used to do it's depressing, I also do as your doing ,, taking it a day at a time... That's all any of us can really do. Like I said in the earlier post you can MM me . I hope I can help and be a friend ..... 

[Dee Cee]

Jiggy , what’s wrong , guy ? December , is a very depressing , month , but it comes but once a year ! And you have lived long enough to know what , tomorrow, might bring , and I know it’s not always bad , and I know a bad day can cast a shadow over , 3-4 good days  , so you know it’s not always bad ! Right ? But to kill yerself , that’s uncharted , territory ! And I have a feeling , it’s all bad ! I found out at an early age maybe before 2nd , grade that there is another place , and it’s all GOOD , no bad days , it’s always shinny , and peaceful ! Just as sure as I know , just where I’m going when I leave here ! But just talking helps ! If you can trust the other party , I bet you know , who I’m talking about . But I am not going to beat ya over the head , with it ! But please , jiggy , if you ever get to that , lonely place , and we all go there , maybe once in a lifetime , and I have been there a few times , I know how very painful , and empty, it truly is ! But I found “another”place , and like I said it’s never , cloudy , dark , nor dreary , and it’s very peaceful ! Seek that place ! Seek and you shall find ! I know because , I am the most lost and lonely person , sometimes , but all I ever have to do is look up , and “BOOM” I am no longer in the dark and alone , I promise you ! I am more sure of that , than anything in the universe !  Peace , love , and enjoy life , one day at a time ! Every day above ground , is a good one , just read the obits ! 

[Krysty]

SpiderBaby as someone who has spastic cerebral palsy I've been in that same mindset multiple times over my life, including last month when all my doctor not wanting to treat me stuff happend but people here, especially littleeindiapers talked me off that ledge.. you know my pm is always open if you need to talk sweetie. One reason I keep coming back is how caring people here truly are... we're here for you. Sometimes I have to just take it one day at a time especially on bad physical health days... but we're still here for a reason. We're here for you

[~Brian~]

14 hours ago, Krysty said:

SpiderBaby as someone who has spastic cerebral palsy I've been in that same mindset multiple times over my life, including last month when all my doctor not wanting to treat me stuff happend but people here, especially littleeindiapers talked me off that ledge.. you know my pm is always open if you need to talk sweetie. One reason I keep coming back is how caring people here truly are... we're here for you. Sometimes I have to just take it one day at a time especially on bad physical health days... but we're still here for a reason. We're here for you

@Krysty @SpiderBaby

I’ve dealt with spastic cerebral palsy all of my life. Part of my issue this particular Christmas what is that? I was dealing with pain and I’m having trouble with mobility, and this Christmas so I had to walk from my brothers front door to his car and I ended up not being able to do that very good, and I fell on the ground and I was unable to get up and I tried to keep on putting pressure on my left knee to do that, and all I did was hurt my knee.

I had asked My ortho doctor to renew my PT so that I can talk to you at therapist on this because I feel like I’ve let people down here I am 53 years old and I can’t even get off the ground so if I fall down in here I’m dead and I can’t move.   These floors are so hard it’s not even funny and I’m not even sure how in the hell I was able to maintain some of the things I do but when I use the chair I feel safer than if I walk around but I need to talk to a Doctor in a PT in order to make an attempt to see if I can get the pain that I’m dealing with taken care of I’m not sure if there’s something I need to do when I’m on my knees to make it stronger so I can get a get up from that position or if I should just forget about trying to get up from a kneeling position it’s getting dangerous for me to be on my knees everything hurts when I try to move and it’s just not comfortable I’d rather be sitting in a mobile 

that is what I have been feeling most of the Christmas holiday. I did not go home to my parents because I am in no condition to be going home if I cannot be walking around the house. I cannot ask my parents to help me unless I am walking around and they help me get up, but if I can’t do that what good am I if I can’t even move around without feeling like my legs and my knees are weak I need to start with a PT session and I will have that on January 16.

As you can probably imagine, I felt like a worthless piece of garbage. I couldn’t even get off the floor or off the ground and I was outside for approximately 15 minutes and I still couldn’t get in the car. I couldn’t push myself a pie enough to be able to grab onto the seat to be able to sit down because my knee on the left side was killing me so bad that that was the problem. Not sure how to take care of that, but I want to strengthen my legs without killing them, or killing my knees, and that’s what I need help with. I don’t understand where Jesse is talking about because he is saying that he has problems, and @Krysty Deals with some of these other problems, but I’m not sure exactly how to proceed. I don’t want to give up and let me give my parents or anyone else ammunition to be able to say that “they told me so” I might be a little bit tough on myself, but I feel like I’m not able to do what I want to do and it’s because my body is not responding the way it should and I feel weak and unable to control what happens. Thank God I can wear diapers and I can deal with that. That is not the problem. Problem is my availability is at a crossroads and I’m not sure how to take care of that.

Brian

 

[DiaperboyEddie12]

@SpiderBaby first HUGS!  second if you need to talk Just PM me.  

I know all to well about the feelings about letting go and checking out. 

But I am here for you my friend!

[SpiderBaby]

17 hours ago, DiaperboyEddie12 said:

@SpiderBaby first HUGS!  second if you need to talk Just PM me.  

I know all to well about the feelings about letting go and checking out. 

But I am here for you my friend!

Thanks Eddie! I really appreciate it.

[Toecaps Denton]

I've yet to read through the whole thread, but it's good to find a disabled poster on here. I do not have CP, but I have spina bifida. 49/m never married, never even dated. I feel like that world is some kind of taboo. greater society doesn't want us sexualized, and so relationships involving such can be hard to come by, and that's lonely in a sense. I also feel the same frustration you seem to be hinting at, where caregivers are hard to maintain. They come, they go, and sometimes, if they stay, they aren't quite adequate.

Disability feels like a full time job, and every time a president it elected, I worry for fellow disabled people. Will we get benefits and such taken away? For those that can potentially work, will discrimination be protected more? 

I'd like to thrive, and not just survive. 

Glad to have an online place like this to reclaim my sexuality, though.