Why do this anymore?

[pamprdguy]

I sit here and contemplate this whole DL lifestyle.  I thought that maybe I had finally found someone that I could talk to about our mutual love of diapers.  We messaged back and forth frequently at first and we were honest with each other.  Now, she seems to have stop writing.  It is hard enough living with this fetish, especially when you feel alone.  I have written a few posts on this site and have removed most of them due to replies that upset me.  I have decided to write this on here (as maybe my last one) just to get this off chest.

I feel alone and am now going to sit back and think about this.  It is so hard keeping this a secret for pretty much my life.

Now I have to think about Why?

[Rachael-Little]

I think many here have wondered why and how it’s difficult to keep this from others but we are who we are.

Ive paused this in my life many times and that includes currently 

Will I ever get back into it, I’ve no idea. Being gender variant is also something difficult to talk with someone about but I’m now in a relationship with someone and she’s ok with it or at least says she’s going to try and understand it

So it’s ok to pause and try and figure it out but don’t beat yourself up over it 

God bless 

[Dartplayerinwvc]

1 hour ago, pamprdguy said:

I sit here and contemplate this whole DL lifestyle.  I thought that maybe I had finally found someone that I could talk to about our mutual love of diapers.  We messaged back and forth frequently at first and we were honest with each other.  Now, she seems to have stop writing.  It is hard enough living with this fetish, especially when you feel alone.  I have written a few posts on this site and have removed most of them due to replies that upset me.  I have decided to write this on here (as maybe my last one) just to get this off chest.

I feel alone and am now going to sit back and think about this.  It is so hard keeping this a secret for pretty much my life.

Now I have to think about Why?

I was with only one person who totally embraced it and she died from a drunk driver. My current wife dealt with it when this was a fetish and fun - but MS had other plans - now 24 -7 - and 61 years old (going on 17) I feel that it was a "chance at best" for another one.... but I am happy with what I have, we are each others best friend and even though she hates the AB style print diapers, we have had to buy them because of budgets years ago and I don't much care for the AB ones either, but they worked for what we needed to keep working and paying bills....For that, I think that my wife is better than the first one that was into it because I liked it for the fun fetish reasons.

[Babypants]

2 hours ago, Rachael-Little said:

So it’s ok to pause and try and figure it out but don’t beat yourself up over it 

Rachael has gone to the heart of it.  As a lifelong incontinent, I used to be frequently asked what it was like to wear diapers.  My standard reply came to be asking in return how they would describe the color red to someone blind from birth.  It was a polite way of pointing out that, to me, their question was meaningless.  I have had four long-term relationships, and many of shorter duration.  Diapers have never been an issue, and I have always been up front about them.  So, I have concluded that the problem a lot of AB/DL guys have to confront is their guilt, shame, and overall anxiety.  Just about everybody has problems of their own, and it's understandable that they would not want to take someone on with these issues.  So, as Rachael says, "don't beat yourself up over it."  If you are comfortable in your own skin, you make it a lot easier for others to be comfortable with you.  

[Dartplayerinwvc]

9 minutes ago, Babypants said:

Rachael has gone to the heart of it.  As a lifelong incontinent, I used to be frequently asked what it was like to wear diapers.  My standard reply came to be asking in return how they would describe the color red to someone blind from birth.  It was a polite way of pointing out that, to me, their question was meaningless.  I have had four long-term relationships, and many of shorter duration.  Diapers have never been an issue, and I have always been up front about them.  So, I have concluded that the problem a lot of AB/DL guys have to confront is their guilt, shame, and overall anxiety.  Just about everybody has problems of their own, and it's understandable that they would not want to take someone on with these issues.  So, as Rachael says, "don't beat yourself up over it."  If you are comfortable in your own skin, you make it a lot easier for others to be comfortable with you.  

I fear the family of my wife asking....super devout Mormons and we have had issues in the past.... and having to change at a family function and take an used one to the truck or car as not to leave it behind in THEIR trash - and them """Noticing """ even if I don't have to change..... But... as one of my wife and I's friends stated: """ It is what it is"""

[Little BabyDoll Christine]

This goes on all the time and has been going on all the time since the days of DPF. I have had it happen repeatedly. It is not that they did not know what I was/am. On the DPF roster you could and did provide all that was needed or could be wanted. But, invariably, someone would start corresponding then vanish. Nothing has changed in 40 years, has it? Been there; done that; got the three and done

[Bret2]

9 hours ago, pamprdguy said:

I sit here and contemplate this whole DL lifestyle.  I thought that maybe I had finally found someone that I could talk to about our mutual love of diapers.  We messaged back and forth frequently at first and we were honest with each other.  Now, she seems to have stop writing.  It is hard enough living with this fetish, especially when you feel alone.  I have written a few posts on this site and have removed most of them due to replies that upset me.  I have decided to write this on here (as maybe my last one) just to get this off chest.

I feel alone and am now going to sit back and think about this.  It is so hard keeping this a secret for pretty much my life.

Now I have to think about Why?

I can relate to this, for the most part.  I often times feel like I could be making better use of my time rather than spending 1-2hrs. sometimes more on abdl sites trying to find comfort in what I do and crave.  Often times I find myself feeling frustrated because I put the phone down still questioning my feelings.  I to have had a handful of individuals who I’ve exchanged messages with over the period of several months who just ghost me. I don’t get offended easily by people who choose to be rude by way of hiding behind their computer screen.  But I do get your frustration 

[Little Sherri]

11 hours ago, pamprdguy said:

I feel alone and am now going to sit back and think about this.  It is so hard keeping this a secret for pretty much my life.

I understand how you feel. I spent over 30 years thinking I was alone on an island of one, with "this" secret. I was a DL even before I could spell "diaper" - my earliest memories of my fascination with them are from the dawn of my consciousness, essentially. I didn't even Google it, believe it or not.

Then one day I decided to see if anyone sold adult cloth diapers, and I punched that into Google, and I came up with Rearz, and, a bit below that, Daily Diapers. It was like wandering over a distant hill on my desert island, and finding a civilization I didn't know was there. It was a massive paradigm shift for me - I literally had never talked to anyone, ever, about my fascination with diapers. I suspect my parents knew, but we certainly didn't discuss it. 

Coming here has been world changing and very psychologically beneficial for me (I believe, anyway...). However, I have relied on the community as a whole, and interacting with a number of people, to fulfil my desire to explore my own and other people's thinking around this topic, because it would be too much of a burden for any one person, just as I don't have the time to be someone's best friend, online, when I also have a family and a job and friends in my real world. I have had people come and go, ghost me, break conversational chains, or, in the other direction, deluge me with messages to the point that I couldn't deal with it. My strategy these days is to communicate lightly with some select people who are on the same wavelength I am. I have some friendships here that are half a decade old now, smart, interesting people who's input I enjoy reading, and who have helped me advice on situations I've faced, etc - but I'm careful not to ask them for more than it would be reasonable to expect, and they, in turn, give me the same respect. 

However if you're looking for the intensity of a strong interpersonal relationship, I think you need (with a truckload of caveats involving being careful meeting strangers...) to try and find someone within this community whom you can spend time with in person - all online relationships, even the best ones, pale in comparison to direct human contact. I wish I could meet up with some of my friends here for a beer, but they live all over the world! Maybe someday. 

Gotta run - work calls. We can talk more if you like. All the best.