How should I let my non-DL partner know?

[GefilteFishTacos]

I'm in my early 30s. My partner is in his 50s. We've known each other for about 10 years and have been together for the better part of 6. We absolutly love each other and are partners in every sense of the word. 

However, he doesn't know about my interest in diapers and I don't know how to approach him about this. 

I wouldn't call him vanilla, but he is a lot more vanilla than I am. We have done some light BDSM before and he likes seeing me in things like jockstraps, but that's the extent of any kinky things we have done together. 

Ultimately, this isn't something that I need him to partake with me. I'm not interested in role play or him being a daddy. I just would like to occasonally wear diapers on my own time and don't want him to feel like he has to indulge wth me if he doesn't want to. I don't want to do anything behind his back or hurt his trust, but I also don't know if I can keep these desires a secret for much longer. 

Any advice?  

[Snugglebear_69]

Tell him exactly what you wrote here.

[Dartplayerinwvc]

I would mention it over a nice dinner somewhere..even over a few beers... and "wish" that he could trust you with a very personal desire. - When asked... I would just come right out and mention and not mince words. 

Honesty is the best policy

[GefilteFishTacos]

2 hours ago, Snugglebear_69 said:

Tell him exactly what you wrote here.

Anytime I think it's a good time, I chicken out. 

I love him so much, but I know it's gonna be weird for him. I sometimes wonder if it's just something to keep in the realm of fantasy. 

[diaperedcoach]

I agree with the above comments 

  Tell him just like you did here…  now when I told my partner prior to us getting married… I actually meet her at her place and made her dinner for a date an told her I wanted to talk about our desires…  very risky I wore a Diaper under my clothes…. When it got late in the date and we had a long talk …. I brought up Diapers, when after talking an answer questions … I was able to show her in the long run…. 

[Young1]

I just came out and said what you said to my husband.... though it was over a fight but he accepted me and said I love you for you and not what you wear.

 

[Snugglebear_69]

I've told my Wife, my Boyfriend and multiple previous partners. It only becomes a big deal if you make it into one honestly. If you present it is something you enjoy without shame most partners are fine with it. They may not want to participate but most often will take it in stride for someone they love.

[Dartplayerinwvc]

3 hours ago, diaperedcoach said:

wear 

wearing one for fun is one thing - but once I started having issues with MS and bathroom issues more than here n there, she got used to it and didn't have to many issues with the printed ones I had gotten from manufacturers - vendors for reviews. BUT it is mainly all white diapers here

[ValentinesStuff]

Not this way.

 

 

Seriously just talk about it. Explainthe why's and what's, just like you did above. You might find out he has something he's been afraid to bring up.

[Little Sherri]

Telling my wife felt like a major risk when I did it, but one that I had to take, for a plethora of reasons. Getting past that has greatly improved my quality of life, and, I believe that it's better for our relationship - prior to "coming out", I had been engineering all sorts of situations where I could be away from my family, or they were away from me, just so I could get some coveted diaper time. Now, I no longer look forward to being away from them - at least for that reason! Don't get me wrong, having a day to myself here and there is still appreciated. But it's not required anymore. 

Keeping it a secret was like leaving a landmine lying around that I knew was going to get stepped on someday. I decided that I preferred to be able to choose the day and the situation, rather than just waiting for it to go off unexpectedly. Probably while her parents were over, or right when I was about to go meet my buddies at a bar. "Why is there a bag of giant baby diapers stuffed in the ceiling in the basement!?!" or "What did I just see when you bent over? What have you got on?" Insert nightmare here... 

So I'd say take the good advice offered by many of the people above, and just tell him that it's a "thing" for you, and that you aren't asking for him to participate, unless he wants to, but you just don't want to have any secrets between you. Own it, don't act like it's a terrible crime you're confessing to, would be my advice. 

[deewet]

This is a very good topic for the group here, and all the comments are worth thinking about if you are still keeping secrets from your partner.  I can say from first hand experience that once you are in the open, things get much easier to deal with.  In my case, I was faced with an embarrassing situation when my wife found my large waterproof vinyl pants hanging in my basement shower to dry.  She wanted to know why I had these and I told her that I was starting to dribble a lot during the day, and didn't want my pants to get wet and I found these on the internet.   She told me I should have told her this straight away, and these large water proof pants are not the best solution.  She went out and got some icon pads for me to wear in my underwear, which I started to do.  I did move to the woman's style as the men's were too wide and bothered my legs it seemed.  My wife was fully in support of me at this point.  A few years later, I had too much to drink one night and ended up wetting our bed, and she was not happy, but insisted on me wearing something better to bed, so I started using the belted guards at this stage again with her blessing.  I found that on a few occasions after that, I was wetting these as well and mentioned that I was having a few close calls to her.  I told her I would check with a medical store lady who I was getting my cpap supplies from and she advised using a Gary active brief over my protection for the night to be safe, and if things got worse, I would need to get into the overnight briefs, which she had several choices of.  Well to finish, I am now using the overnight briefs  all with my wife's blessings as I promised to do what was necessary to keep our bed dry after my first mess up, and so far I have been able to do that and she is very happy with me.  So to the others out there keeping secrets from their partners, best to come clean about this as it will avoid that tough discussion you will have when you other finds this out on their own.

[Dartplayerinwvc]

6 hours ago, deewet said:

This is a very good topic for the group here, and all the comments are worth thinking about if you are still keeping secrets from your partner.  I can say from first hand experience that once you are in the open, things get much easier to deal with.  ......................... best to come clean about this as it will avoid that tough discussion you will have when you other finds this out on their own.

So did you ever have that conversation about DL or ABDL?

On 1/4/2024 at 11:34 AM, Little Sherri said:

Telling my wife felt like a major risk when I did it, but one that I had to take, for a plethora of reasons. Getting past that has greatly improved my quality of life, and, 

Keeping it a secret was like leaving a landmine lying around that I knew was going to get stepped on someday. I decided that I preferred to be able to choose the day and the situation, rather than just waiting for it to go off unexpectedly. Probably while her parents were over, or right when I was about to go meet my buddies at a bar. "Why is there a bag of giant baby diapers stuffed in the ceiling in the basement!?!" or "What did I just see when you bent over? What have you got on?" Insert nightmare here... 

So I'd say take the good advice offered by many of the people above, and just tell him that it's a "thing" for you, and that you aren't asking for him to participate, unless he wants to, but you just don't want to have any secrets between you. Own it, don't act like it's a terrible crime you're confessing to, would be my advice. 

perfect advice - Life has enough DRAMA without adding to it

[Little Cub Pants]

On 1/3/2024 at 8:11 PM, Young1 said:

I just came out and said what you said to my husband.... though it was over a fight but he accepted me and said I love you for you and not what you wear.

 

Aww, you really do have such a great, loving, partner. I'm glad things worked out for the both of you. Big hugs!

[DiaperedInDenver]

Just explain to him that they make you feel comfy and ease your stress. Honestly you worded it perfectly. I feel like guys are more receptive to hearing about their partner being a diaper lover than the other way around. Since it's something that you don't care if he's involved in it or not, it shouldn't be a big deal imo. Good luck!

[Spanky]

This is a great topic as I am in the same boat. I wear in secret and have never told my wife about my diapers.  I wear them when she is at work.  Someday,  we'll both be retired and I won't have the house to myself and I don't know what I'm going to do then.

I've tried to give up diapers in the past, but that just doesn't work.  I love wearing them and the feeling of using them.

[Snugglebear_69]

I always cringe when I see people being advised to lie to their spouse or partner. How would people feel if their spouse lied to them. Lying to your spouse and pretending it is a medical issue seems one heck of a way to destroy trust and the relationship. Each to their own but for anyone reading and seeking advice try thinking about your partner and their feelings before lying to them to indulge your own desire at their expense.

[Babypants]

6 hours ago, foreverdl said:

As I have said before start to pee in your pants when she's home, and say oh that has happened before and that you don't want any Dr or drugs for it, and say that you have worn a diaper on a day that it was a steady amount of leaks. But you were embarrassed to say anything to her, for what she would say or call you a baby etc. You are at a safe age to have leaks. And if you can say you were a bed wetter when you were a kid, etc

In short, lie to your life partner?  Enduring relationships between a husband and wife are three legged stools-- respect, trust, and love. When you start lying about things that have meaningful consequences for the marriage, you are opening Pandora's box.