Husband is into DL and more

[VanillaWife]

Hello everyone,

It is very difficult for me to talk about this. I have no support group and not a friend I can open up about this situation.

My husband opened up with me, after couple of years we are together and expecting a child, that he is into ABDL and he was hiding his stash all the time. I accepted this openly and tried to "mommy" him and make him feel comfortable around me. He did, we bought stuff together for him, he wears it all the time and says he feels accepted.

However I noticed he did couple of secret accounts, searched explicitly for "mommies" to diaper him and created an AI to make sexy talk as an ABDL. He said he is not into messing, but in this way he started exploring the messing part. He is doing that in secret, I noticed with some random messagess from the app that appeared on his phone. He surely deleted everything.

We are not sexually active, at least since we got a child, and his responce is that he is tired and so on. I am trying really hard to fullfill his desires, I feel cheated on in a way, I feel sad and I can't do much about it. My needs are not being met, I tried talking with him about it but I always get the same responce. I just can't understand...someone who can get aroused with AI sexy talk but can't get aroused around his wife...what am I doing wrong? Where did I fail? 

I am trying so hard to put myself together. I have no one I can open up with, no one to talk. I want my family to be happy but everything I see is a big failure.

I apologize for this long text, it just felt good for once putting everything in words. I feel really empty at the moment.

I wish you all the luck and love in this world, everyone deserves it.

 

 

[babyalan]

You are not the failure here the fault lies entirely 100% with him for several reasons, number 1: he was not honest and transparent with you about his ab dl desires in the first place.

Number 2: You were accepting and participatory in the second place.

And number 3 He is the one not balancing life and your needs as well as his own in the proper manor your needs should always come before his own that is a sign of maturity and true love 

Finally number 4 You made his dreams come true and he's going behind your back this is totally wrong 

And he didn't find out what you were expecting or wanted and needed and your desires too that in my mind is very selfish

[Rachael-Little]

These type of issues are always difficult for any marriage, I mean first off you made the effort to try and accommodate him in many ways.

That isn’t the normal for many wives but it sounds like you loved him enough to try.

Unfortunately he has taken advantage.

My advice would be to seek some counseling with a professional and see how things can work out for you both.

He definitely should not have taken advantage of what you did accept in him.

i wish you well 

[feralfreak]

marriage counselling. you need it, if he refuses, you may need to think about if the marriage is worth saving. if all you do give and never get back, you will have nothing left to give.

[LilFozzyJ5]

Hi,

Firstly I think it is very brave of you to have the courage to come here and post such a well worded post, which is very heartfelt, brings up your issues with your husband without some bitterness (which I think is deserved).

I am also a husband and abdl. I too hid it for many many years from everyone. Including my wife in the first few years. When I finally spoke to her about it,it was hard to do, to admit. She tried to accommodate me and my feelings and I went at it like a bull in a China shop (suddenly able to indulge, I went overboard).

This had a terrible effect on our relationship, and ultimately led to my wife wanting nothing to do with this lifestyle. All my fault.

We are still married, this is a taboo subject and something I can only do alone.

I will not say his actions are good ones, but I will say once you have had to be secretive about something about yourself, it's very hard to break that cycle. 

I think you need to discuss this with him, lay it out, without getting angry (but I understand you have every right to be) try to explain to him how this is all making you feel and how he has "gone at this like a bull in a China shop" overwhelmed you with his needs without taking yours into account. 

Regarding the secret accounts and A.I. That needs to be confronted, but as I said it's hard not to break the secretive cycle once you have been doing it for years. Not saying his choices are right, but feeling you must hide everything about this is a familiar mindset I recognise. 

I hope this helps a little, and maybe as part of your discussion he sees you post and our responses. 

I really hope you can work out your differences and have a stronger relationship going forwards.

If you need any support myself and others here would be happy to help if we can

[foreverdl]

I am now married 29 years in a few months . I thought I could just not do my fetishes , I am not really AB, I am DL with a hint of AB. Anyhow . We were married about 10 yrs and it wasn't till she got cancer ,, I needed my fetish. I had horrible , horrible timing telling my wife. But I just had decided I was cheating on her by having my private diaper plastic , pee play etc. And I tried to tell her.  We are still adjusting soo many yrs later. Now after she got through her cancer and mostly good. then my cancer showed it mean ugly years. We thought first hers and it was bad, then mine and it was bad. A few yrs passed after all of that, .  And we neither one had any hope of having sex. And we She had issues and then before the cancer's we were into that phase in a marriage the got used to each other and sex was getting boring . We still haven't had any sexual relations . I have just done me and she has done what she needs. 

Well I rambled , what I am trying to say we have our moments of wishing we were normal . And now afterwards many yrs I need diapers because of being old, so I don't flaunt any diapers stuff I cover my stuff up and I am thankful that she is forgiving of me lying for soo many years, we Love each other , but even now sometimes it is not enough . And we have both in bad moments have said if we could afford it we would separate . But there's a sometimes big part that we are like roommates . But with Health problems . You may just start to accept more of each other . I would set down the ground Rules for him, think about it and figure out the amount of what you can be ok with. Now with you having a kid, maybe in diapers . You will have to say he never shows his Diaper or AB stuff around the kids. I would have concerns that the schools and Police will get involved if your kids when they get older slip and say something , he can end up in jail or accusations that he is a bad influence or he did something . Say he changed his Diaper and a door open just a crack. the baby now will be a Toddler and just may see and say to a neighbor kid?? See my son from my first wife that passed away was a teenager then, and now an adult . He never seen anything of my diaper stuff to this day. I say with kids he needs to be really careful ..

If you want to talk ask me anything . If it's much more personal then MM me. I will let my wife know about you if you decide to MM. I do talk to her about  a few long time friends on here. Its like I will comment on a guy and she will say how's he doing etc.

I hope you can work it out. Any marriage that can be saved should be. But each have to give 100%. And it sounds like you have given 200%