Diapers, Aide Against Depression & Suicide Or Part Of The Problem?

[DiaperSoSoftly]

Hey Tris, I got a little bit of info you might of missed earlier in life. When someone is on the edge of suicide, all that it can take to cause or prevent it is one comment. Just because you wanted to present your opinion from both sides, the negative will outweigh the effect of the positive statements. I almost did commit suicide at one time after I completely went off the rocker in rage. Guess what stopped me. One person who, instead of saying just get over, took the time to find out what was wrong. The only way that PhilDL will get better is to get some professional help and be completely honest with the therapist. If you can't afford the bill, at least, as was stated earlier in this thread, talk to a Priest, Rabbi, Minister, etc. Even if they can't help you totally fix what is going on, they can help get you the help that you need. That's the one thing that many people overlook about religious leaders, that they know where you can get help and still not have to take out a loan to pay for the help.

As was also said, think good thoughts. That's actually one of the first things that was told to me at therapy.

I just want to reiterate this, do not look for help in the bottom of a bottle or from illicit drugs. There isn't any there, just more trouble. Try waking up in the emergency room from trying to find help in the bottom of a bottle. Guess what happened instead, I ended up with more problems and no closer to the solution.

Keep us informed with how you're doing PhilDL. I wish you the best of wishes in life.

[PhilDL]

"Keep us informed with how you're doing PhilDL. I wish you the best of wishes in life."

Hi Everyone, thanks for your comments.

Over the past few days I have read everyone's posts and I appreciate your input. Now that it's the weekend I 'll have some time to think some more without the real negative feelings of dealing with a job I can't stand. I'm going to print out all of the posts so I can properly reply to some key points.

I understand how some might feel, again I didn't want this to be a place to "cry out" but to get some thoughts of how I could manage the unmanageable.

Thanks,

Phil

[Snow]

What are your rights when you see a therapist? If you bring up suicide, how do your rights change? What are they required to do?

[Necare]

Well, Snow, I can tell you that if you are going to see a therapist, and if you are planning on telling him/her about suicidal thoughts , you should be aware of the fact that any responsible therapist must, according to the ethical code, take preventive measures, if he/she suspects that the risk of suicide is high. So it all depends I guess; if you really want to commit suicide( ergo, no interference of any kind is truly wanted ), it is wise to keep it to yourself. On the other hand, if you want help to combat the suicidal thoughts, speaking to your therapist about it, is surely a good thing.

[tris]

Some of them can and will take it overboard, as well. It all depends on how agitated you appear, and like anyone else, they're going to use their best judgment. Don't forget --guys like me become therapists everyday.

When I went, and discussed all my shit, suicide came up. (Up until about a month before I moved, I visited a particular bridge almost 3x a month.) He asked me how serious I was about it --I told him I didn't have the cajones, and he let it slide.

You gotta remember, suicide is actually a crime. If you didn't die, you can face criminal charges. (So if you're gonna do it, make sure it works or your problems get worse!) So you'll be suicidal, and once they let you out of the mental facility, it's straight to county where you'll wanna trade your biscuit and a BJ to get back to the psych ward. hehe.

[Necare]

Now, I don`t know where you are from, and I know that suicide is supposed to be punishable by law, but have you honestly heard of a single incident where someone suicidal actually got sentenced to prison time? To my reckoning it is a sleeping law, and will continue to stay that way. It amazes me that it is a paragraph in the law books in the first place, quite surreal.

Look at the logic involved here: Let`s say that Mr X had been seriously depressed all his life, and then one day, he decides to slice his wrists. Somebody finds him in the nick of time, and gets sent to a hospital for some recovery. A few days passes, the police comes to see him, and gets charged. A few months passes, and he gets convicted to a prison sentence, of let us say, a year. He experiences a bum-raping hell in there, and when he gets out, his condition is even worse than before.

He tries yet again to commit suicide( hmm, funny that he hasn`t been fully rehabilitated. strange indeed!!), fails, and the vicious circle continues. If there is a Mr Lucifer, this little irrational law must be quite to his liking I should imagine. The wisdom to be read out of this? " When all comes to all, you are not a master of your own life, we will deem fit what is appropriate to do with your body, we will decide when you shall die." Well, I guess that is what happens when catholicism have any say in legal matters, after all it is a grave sin.

[wulf cub]

Having explored other DL’s & AB’s online for 13 years and meeting with face to face I thought this might be a good question to bring to this forum. I’ve found that my experiences from childhood to adult hood are very common with others. So the dark side of life for those who are also suffering too might be having these feelings.

I don’t want you to thing I just want to get sympathy or a shoulder to cry on, I’m hoping to learn something about myself through others.

I’ve been dealing with depression and suicide thoughts for over 15 years. The depression comes and goes but is always an underline issue. If you meet me you wouldn’t think this since I have an outgoing personality yet this mask I wear doesn’t help too much since no one seems to really like me. The suicide thoughts come and go too. Years ago the thoughts of suicide were more an emotional response where now it’s more something I feel will happen in the future and not be a reaction to severe depression but to the doom of reality.

I’m 46, I know that in the coming years, maybe 5 to 20 years from now, things will be bad with finances, family and health to be specific. I’ve never been married or even past a 3rd date and I’ve gone out with only about 8 women in my whole life. I’m a loner and yes, a loser! Problems with my immediate family keep on getting worse. I can’t find a job that I’ll stick with. I complain too much and basically I feel that my personality seems to be an acid personality and I believe that I’m ugly.

I see the option of suicide as the emergency handle on a train. I’m a passenger on a train and I visualize the emergency handle and although I know I can’t just pull it at anytime I know it’s there and when it gets unmanageable I will get up and pull it.

I wear diapers every night, I have over the years diaper trained myself to the point where I wet my diaper every night. On the weekends I’m in diapers about 90% of the time. During the rest of the time I’m in a trim diaper {Depends Velcro shields}.

Even though I wake up in the morning depressed over the idea retuning to a job that I despise, I look at and feel my wet diaper and find that this is what really brings me any happiness! I think if I kill myself that this is what I will miss {I’ll be dead and won’t be missing anything though.}

Currently I’m not going to a therapist, the cost is too much. The first therapist I went to, I got up the courage to tell her one day about diapers, she didn’t freak out but never brought it up again. I never mentioned it to the second therapist who I went to for 5 years or to the other 2 more recent ones. When I go back to a therapist it will be obvious that I need to make it on top of the list.

So the main question is this, diapers seem to be the only real thing that brings me happiness. But could it be that the diapers are part of the problem or does it just seem to be that way since it’s something that need to be kept private and feared if found out by others?

Or maybe the diaper fetish is innocent and has nothing to do with my problems and yes I’m lucky, I have something to bring some happiness?

first of all dont blow your effen brains out (why not who cares if i do?) the poor mother efer whos gotta clean that isht up! but seriousley its not a way to go i feel it sometimes and i know that its wrong and heavens deffinitley gonna be better than this isht we dealin wit these days!

dude one thing you should definitley do is try to rap about your depression and suicidal tendencies on audio tracks it may help and if you sell then your life will be better cuz you can quit working jobs that you hate and you may find that others relate to your thoughts of depression and suicide and maybey you will be able to take comfort in the fact that others relate to those things (thats what i do and just making the songs make me feel better)

now then as for the diapers somedays when i feel depressed i lay in bed in diapers and relax compleatley and then when i am (finished) i find that i feel a little better.

so just take my advice and feel relived in the fact that others feel ya

peace,

take care homie

[Repaid1]

Tris, you can't delete the post but you can edit the content. Just go to the second post and delete the text. For G.P. you can put text deleted, double post in the entry.

Now I am not ashamed to admit that I have reached this lowly point in my life. I tried three times to end my life (years ago). I found that while people think they want to help, they just a soon see you go. Now what I mean is in the medical field (my experience) have a very hard time dealing with the fact that you are doing the opposite of what they are trying to accomplish in their job.

The only problem I ever had with the police was them saying if I didn't go to the hospital they would arrest me and take me there. No other ramifications resulted from it.

I was treated very harshly by the medical staff. In fact the third time, they didn't even put it on the report that it was a attempted suicide. Just so I wouldn't be frowned upon on the ward floor.

They did however insure that I made it to consuling, which didn't work either as he promptly put me into the looney bin. For a week and a half, which just confonded the problem. Anyway I'm better (not perfect), I went on with my life, I am married again and things are going well.

I find, as some posts have lead on, that if you mention suicide then you are indeed asking for help and don't really want to carry it out. It's some little glimmer of your being trying to reach out. It's what I did and people that do care will , it's up to people to take this VERY seriously. Like was said lend a ear, it helps ohhhh so much. Maybe if your close enough you could just give them that shoulder to cry upon, if thats what they need.

Most of all, do something. It was the simple fact that I started reaching for help from my "friends" and family, yet they did nothing but to blow me off. It was then that I emptied to the bottom and felt no self worth or no need for my life. The physical and mental pain just gets to a point where you no longer wish anything but for it to stop, and see suicide as the only option.

Don't feel as though you are betraying their trust to seek help for them, as for me, that's what I needed as the feeling isn't there and the logic isn't exactly working in their favor.

So PhilDL if you need to talk, PM me, I'll give you my Email and Phone if need be. Regardless of how thoughtful people are trying to help, I think that someone who has been there is the more understanding and knowledgeable on this subject. Okay ... I'm outties.. Like I'm done with this post

[Dill_Pickle]

"Keep us informed with how you're doing PhilDL. I wish you the best of wishes in life."

Hi Everyone, thanks for your comments.

Over the past few days I have read everyone's posts and I appreciate your input. Now that it's the weekend I 'll have some time to think some more without the real negative feelings of dealing with a job I can't stand. I'm going to print out all of the posts so I can properly reply to some key points.

I understand how some might feel, again I didn't want this to be a place to "cry out" but to get some thoughts of how I could manage the unmanageable.

Thanks,

Phil

From a famous cartoon:

"On the internet, nobody knows you're a dog" -- we've got some serious cads on here. Suicide is also a difficult subject because responding to threats of suicide can reinforce the behavior involved.

As for discussing suicidal thoughts (or even just thinking of hurting yourself) with your therapist -- the law here in Virginia allows you to be confined involuntarily if you are a danger to yourself or others. I have never been in the hospital for my own issues, but have had longstanding issues with depression and anxiety arising out of an abusive and mentally-ill GF. During my worst period, not too long before I left said GF, I thought of hurting myself. I was shocked, and told my therapist, who worked for the county. All he did was make me promise him that I would contact him before I did it. I promised myself I would do something else first. (And yes, I was on antidepressants at the time, still take them a decade or so later).

About two months passed, and the GF got after me for leaving a car door unlocked after I had to go fetch her forty-five minutes or so into a "five minute" trip into a mall. She was threatening to leave me, etc, saying everything she could think of to hurt me...and I looked up and told her in a dead calm voice: "No, *I'M* leaving".

It took about two weeks to do it (I paid a price for that, later) and that produced a trip to the hospital for her, for taking all the drugs in the house (turned out to be about a package of Benadryl). I got close to trouble when I am discussing with her Dr in the hospital, who wanted planning for when she returned home and I told him I wouldn't be there -- I was severely embarrased by GF's actions, and was spending a lot of energy partially controlling that embarrassment so I could at least speak.

During that last year or three with that GF, I'd had a little too much experience with 911 and the cops coming into my apartment. One particular incident, I remember having put the phone down under pressure from GF, and when the cops arrived, I picked up the phone to hear the 911 operator saying to herself "Please, someone pick up the phone". The cops are generally concerned if there are any weapons in the house. (Guns near cops in an emergency of any kind are *very* dangerous to the possessor of the weapon).

******************

Wearing the occasional diaper got me through that period. I told my shrink about it, and he promptly ignored it -- the current shrink is a little curious, but my diapering, which I still do, isn't getting in the way of my functioning, so we don't talk about it. The depression is far more important. My GF has had a bit too much exposure to diapers in both personal and professional life, so she doesn't enjoy them, and I keep my diapering out of her consciousness as much as possible. I tried, once, to forget about diapering, but found that there is a certain, unavoidable compulsiveness about it. But I'm solidly in the camp of those that want their diaper wearing to be a choice -- I like my outdoor watersports, and my hiking, way too much to let diapers get in the way. Yesterday's hike was followed by a swim.

**********************

One of the things that happened when I started getting treatment for depression was a physical work-up. They look at things like thyroid function and such, since these issues can cause depression. A gal I hiked 9 miles with yesterday, she is in her 70s and did better on the 800 foot climb than I did, told me that estrogen makes all the difference for her -- she said she used to wake up, and her first thought of the day was that she was going to kill herself, and then her second thought was "no, you're not, so how are you going to make it through the day?". My Dr also had me on vitamin pills -- just a multivitamin, partly because I wasn't eating well. Even though I now eat pretty well (note: this means lots of fruits and vegetables, especially leafy green ones -- not to the exclusion of meat, but definitely a reduction over what is common) I still take a multivitamin. I also try to get a tablespoon of flax oil on my cereal in the morning.

The same Doc that prescribed the multivitamin also told me something else: Walk a mile, every day. (The pet dog helps with that).

Generally, take care of your body. Exercise helps depression. If you are thinking about drugs, think about prescribed anti-depressants and substances that are half-food, half drugs, such as chocolate or coffee. Avoid diet soda -- studies are starting to show they are worse for weight gain than regular sodas. At least some of us get headaches when we don't get our caffeine.

The body isn't entirely physical. Understand that being around mentally ill people, especially those with the wrong attitude, isn't good for your mental health. A crappy job with crappy people will make things worse, not better -- there's a point at which you should "develop a better opportunity" -- offers come easier if you are still working. You sound well past that point. Even if it doesn't pay that well, working for a decent boss and with decent people makes work a lot easier.

If you don't stick with anything for long, there have been several periods in my life where, as a male, I went for "day labor". Day labor has the advantage of generally being expected to be temporary, and showing you a lot of different situations and opportunities that you wouldn't otherwise see, a chance to find out what you are good at.

As a social being, you need an in-person social life. Find something you enjoy doing, go find others doing it, and your attitude will greatly improve. Don't worry if romance doesn't develop. Only seeing your family, with all its problems, sounds to me like a major part of your problem.

Studies have also found that internet use corresponds with depression -- spending the night surfing the net generally isn't good for your mood. In my own case, I find that if I hike on Saturdays, I can get something done around the house on Sunday. If I don't, nothing will get done on the house all weekend, even though I am present.

***************

Are your diapers part of the problem? Yes, if they interfere with your social life. But I am aware of two people in our hiking group besides myself using padding. Noone, especially not myself, said a word about it or acted differently. I have worn full diapers on and off at work, depending on mood, and again, and the only thing that has ever been said has been, once, to ask me about the rattle, and I just walked away.

*****************

Good luck, and do get professional help.

[jenniebear]

i really wish i could introduce my ex husband to anyone who really believes that pot is is safe or good for you or even a just an "ok for you" sort of drug....

because i could definitely tell you a sad story about a sweet intelligent fun loving boy who just smoked a little pot now and then...........who married his small town sweetheart........who loved and was loved and who despite his dreams progressed into a man who cared about nothing as much as he cared about where his next "hit" was going to come from........don't get me wrong.......he didn't stop loving.......he just stopped having the drive to do anything about anything .... so imagine the pain it caused him when he lost everything except the pot that had kept him numb to everything that was happening around him..........

i am certain the numbness wasn't enough to stop that pain of his losses......it probably was enough to make him hate it.......but it didn't stop him from needing it to any less....

[SS84onwards]

Well I've suffered from depression since I was 5, back in 1984, and tried countless times to kill myself because the memories are very painful and the loneliness is even worse. But in the past couple of years every time I get to the point where my strength is failing to keep me going, something always happens at the exact point to stop me from ending my life.

From what other people seem to think, I seem to have a guardian angel of sorts that's determined to keep me around.

So try to find your inner strength, if it's rage and hatred, then instead of targeting it at yourself and others, just focus it into strength, make it keep your head up and looking for more to help you get through life.

It's there somewhere, we all have it, we just need to find it. Mine comes from all my hatred and rage over what I suffered when I was a child and from the way I've been treated due to my being smarter than those who would prefer me to be submissive and easily controlled like so many other people out there in the world.

Also find something to get interested in, a hobby or something, and keep looking for more. That can serve as small distractions when required.

[Dill_Pickle]

i really wish i could introduce my ex husband to anyone who really believes that pot is is safe or good for you or even a just an "ok for you" sort of drug....

because i could definitely tell you a sad story about a sweet intelligent fun loving boy who just smoked a little pot now and then...........who married his small town sweetheart........who loved and was loved and who despite his dreams progressed into a man who cared about nothing as much as he cared about where his next "hit" was going to come from........don't get me wrong.......he didn't stop loving.......he just stopped having the drive to do anything about anything .... so imagine the pain it caused him when he lost everything except the pot that had kept him numb to everything that was happening around him..........

i am certain the numbness wasn't enough to stop that pain of his losses......it probably was enough to make him hate it.......but it didn't stop him from needing it to any less....

Pot, like Alchohol, and basically almost all drugs, can become problematic when controls are lost....some are worse for losing control than others....but that does not mean that, like most poisons, a little bit is not actually helpful in some circumstances...

And no, if depression is a problem, I don't recommend depressants like pot and alchohol...