For people who've intentionally become incontinent

[Kaliborio]

A few quick questions:

1. In what way(s) have you become incontinent?
2. How long did it take you?
3. How long have you been incontinent? If it's been a long time, would you say your memory of being continent is in any way unclear?
4. How was your continence before you decided to become incontinent?
5. Did people tell you anything about it before you did it, for example by encouraging you, warning you off, dismissing it as impossible? If people told you things, to what extent do you feel those things have been borne out?
6. Have you tried to regain your continence? Were you successful, fully or partially? If partially, to what degree?
7. If your answer to the above question is "yes, partially," why would you say it was partially and not fully? Since you reached the point of partial recovery, have you found your control backsliding at all or has it remained stable?
8. How do you feel about your incontinence? After developing it but before the present, have you ever felt very differently about it? Do you feel differently from how you expected to when you started out?

Thanks so much to anyone who answers!

[Kaliborio]

My own answers are:

In what way(s) have you become incontinent?

Severe urinary incontinence (wetting), severe faecal incontinence (messing), secondary nocturnal enuresis (bedwetting).

How long did it take you?

About 2 years. Bedwetting took 9 months. I realised pantswetting had started at about 12 months but it could have started anywhere between 6 and 12 months. Messing started at about 15 months and slowly escalated from there.

How long have you been incontinent? If it's been a long time, would you say your memory of being continent is in any way unclear?

Overall, a very long time. Continuously, it's been about 9 years since I could leave diapers.

I asked this question partly because while I still have pretty clear sense memories of having voluntary messing control, wetting is a lot foggier. I'm always going to remember that I had it, but there are certain sensations which I know of but can't really summon to mind. I also can't seem to move my pelvic floor in a way that notably affects or feels like it should affect whether I wet or not; I can move it, but I feel like actual bladder control is a pretty complex motor task that I seem to have forgotten how to do.

I've never heard anyone else talk about this and I'm wondering if it's specific to me, and I'm wondering whether, if so, it's because I've been incontinent for both a very long time consecutively and a very large fraction of my life.

How was your continence before you decided to become incontinent?

Not great! I had multiple previous prolonged episodes of severe incontinence, the last one ending about five years before I started untraining. I had perennial (although relatively infrequent) issues with pants soiling, and chose to go into diapers partly because of wetting anxiety.

Did people tell you anything about it before you did it, for example by encouraging you, warning you off, dismissing it as impossible? If people told you things, to what extent do you feel those things have been borne out?

Yes. I was mostly warned off, with a small helping of having it dismissed as impossible. It clearly wasn't impossible because I managed to do it, although I don't describe myself as "untrained" so much any more because it's becoming more clear to me over time that I had abnormally weak continence even while "continent," so I'm uncertain to what extent my pre-existing incontinence played a role.

I was told I'd get cold feet and regret it. Around 2015–2016 I actually did unsuccessfully try to back out, but honestly I feel fine about it now and that regret was more or less externally imposed, so I don't really feel like the people who told me I'd regret it were vindicated.

Have you tried to regain your continence? Were you successful, fully or partially? If partially, to what degree?

Yes, partially, primarily in the second half of 2015. I was partially successful in that for some time I managed to markedly improve my bowel control. My wetting control also improved somewhat, although not significantly, and far more sluggishly.

If your answer to the above question is "yes, partially," why would you say it was partially and not fully? Since you reached the point of partial recovery, have you found your control backsliding at all or has it remained stable?

I ran out of time. 2015 was the last year that I really had the free time, space, and resources to take a real shot at regaining my control. Going into 2016, I was back to the grind and had to have a stable continence management regimen whether it involved being continent or not.

I was also motivating myself with the thought of getting back to "normal". As I headed back to university in the second half 2016, I ultimately had to seek medical accommodations in the first half of the year, and consequently finally had clinical diagnoses entered for my bedwetting and FI, as well as upgrading the severity of my UI. I felt like I'd "lost" in a permanent way and was, for lack of a better word, demoralised by it. However, the external pressure I was under to leave diapers lifted toward mid-2016, and by the beginning of 2017 I was finding it easier to adjust to being in diapers again.

I would definitely say my control has backslid. When I started trying to retrain it was weak and nonfunctional. When I had to stop retraining it was partly functional. Now it's absent.

How do you feel about your incontinence? After developing it but before the present, have you ever felt very differently about it? Do you feel differently from how you expected to when you started out?

I feel fine about it. It's a normal part of my life and I'm relaxed about it. I don't feel a sense of possibility or drive toward something different. I definitely think part of this is having had continence problems back when I was continent; I am much happier as someone with well-managed severe incontinence than I was as someone with light to moderate incontinence feeling compelled to manage it poorly for the sake of appearing normal.

I also think part of it is my increasing clinically quantifiable knowledge of my body, particularly becoming aware that my prior continence problems were likely caused by a hereditary connective tissue disorder. The increasingly certain knowledge that my technically-continent-but-pretty-doubtful level of control was probably the best my body could do and that there's probably not a whole lot that would have helped has made it a lot easier for me to accept that I did explore all my options prior to throwing the towel in on continence together, and that I can rightly regard my current lack of continence as being achieved with a clean conscience.

From 2014–2016 I felt ashamed of it and felt urgently that I should become continent again, partly because I was in a relationship with someone who wasn't extraordinarily keen about it. After that, though, as described above, I became pretty chill with it again.

When I started out I expected I'd be either extremely jazzed or miserably depressed about it at all times, probably because at the time I had the emotional range of a teaspoon. As it is, I'm simply comfortable.

[PuraVidaDip]

In what way(s) have you become incontinent?

Bedwetting a few nights a week; messing once a month. Wetting without noticing, if standing mostly. BM occur at regular intervals. Sometimes without effort. Sometimes pushing.

How long did it take you?

~1 year

How long have you been incontinent? If it's been a long time, would you say your memory of being continent is in any way unclear?

mixed incontinence for years to a degree

How was your continence before you decided to become incontinent?

See above. I am not striving for incontinence. I had a few BM accidents, some at night prior. I had problems holding my urine and had to go every 30 mins sometimes. Got to be annoying.

Did people tell you anything about it before you did it, for example by encouraging you, warning you off, dismissing it as impossible? If people told you things, to what extent do you feel those things have been borne out?

Confirmation bias saw me seek only advice I was looking for. I try my best to not listen to negativity and meditate to help me.

Have you tried to regain your continence? Were you successful, fully or partially? If partially, to what degree?

<<Does not compute>> JK but no I just don't care anymore. Why would I go back? I am happy

If your answer to the above question is "yes, partially," why would you say it was partially and not fully? Since you reached the point of partial recovery, have you found your control backsliding at all or has it remained stable?

n/a I dont care either way

How do you feel about your incontinence? After developing it but before the present, have you ever felt very differently about it? Do you feel differently from how you expected to when you started out?

Feel great! I am really happy to be where I am. Incontinence was tough to deal with, but thankfully I don't mind diapers and have grown to really like the security of them. My pants and bed are dry, and if I mess, I just change my diaper and not my pants! I am satisfied with my life. No looking back.    I am happy to be diapered :). I love how I feel about myself. I am confident now, but sometimes get a bit nervous, like when changing in a large bathroom. Thank God my workplace has private bathrooms with good sized trashcans!

[Enthusi]

@Kaliborio you rock and I’m so glad to see you posting here!  
 

I love these sorts of questions and I can go on for hours.  But instead, I’m going to try to give concise answers and if you or anyone wants me to elaborate, happy  to.  
 

On 12/12/2022 at 11:46 AM, Kaliborio said:

• In what way(s) have you become incontinent?
• How long did it take you?
• How long have you been incontinent? If it's been a long time, would you say your memory of being continent is in any way unclear?
• How was your continence before you decided to become incontinent?
• Did people tell you anything about it before you did it, for example by encouraging you, warning you off, dismissing it as impossible? If people told you things, to what extent do you feel those things have been borne out?
• Have you tried to regain your continence? Were you successful, fully or partially? If partially, to what degree?
• If your answer to the above question is "yes, partially," why would you say it was partially and not fully? Since you reached the point of partial recovery, have you found your control backsliding at all or has it remained stable?
• How do you feel about your incontinence? After developing it but before the present, have you ever felt very differently about it? Do you feel differently from how you expected to when you started out?

I would almost certainly qualify for heavy/severe urinary incontinence.  It’s mixed, with elements of urge incontinence, dribbling and functional incontinence.  My bladder is defaulted back to relaxed mode and usually I have to check my diaper to see how wet I am. I don’t even realize I have to pee until after I start peeing and even then it’s so effortless and such a small amount it barely registers.  Nights are a blur. Usually I wet several times at night with little to no memory upon waking up.  Bowel control is fairly good but I’ve had a few accidents.

How long? Too difficult to answer.  I was basically diaper dependent after about 2-3 years of untraining but it was such an insidious and uneven process, and my control is much worse now than even a few years ago.  
 

It has been about 5 years and my memory of continence has been fuzzy for about the past year and getting fuzzier.  I remember being able to go 4-6 hours without peeing but I have no idea how I managed that.  Staying dry seems like a super power.  

How was my control before?  On paper it was normal.  But staying dry always felt like real work.  

Before I started untraining the message I got was be careful what I wish for.  Real incontinence sucks because it never stops.  I’m like, ya, I know, that’s why I want it!  And my vanilla partner wasn’t thrilled but knew it was important to me and made me happy so she went along with it.  

Yes I don’t think it’s possible to fully grasp what “ Real incontinence never stops” until you’ve been in situations where you leak at highly inconvenient times.  For example I’ll randomly wake up dry and I will try to save my premium diaper for the next night, but I usually pee before I can even take the diaper off and so I have to toss it.  

Never tried to regain control. Even now with having a useless urinary sphincter I still fantasize about surgery to ensure it stays that way.

How I like it: I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, being incontinent and diaper dependent would really suck if you didn’t like it. It’s an expensive, less effective, more embarrassing, highly inconvenient way of doing what your body is supposed to do for you.  But I love that I deal with the same hassles as any other incontinent person and wouldn’t have it any other way.   

[babykeiff]

On 12/12/2022 at 4:46 PM, Kaliborio said:

A few quick questions:

1. In what way(s) have you become incontinent?
2. How long did it take you?
3. How long have you been incontinent? If it's been a long time, would you say your memory of being continent is in any way unclear?
4. How was your continence before you decided to become incontinent?
5. Did people tell you anything about it before you did it, for example by encouraging you, warning you off, dismissing it as impossible? If people told you things, to what extent do you feel those things have been borne out?
6. Have you tried to regain your continence? Were you successful, fully or partially? If partially, to what degree?
7. If your answer to the above question is "yes, partially," why would you say it was partially and not fully? Since you reached the point of partial recovery, have you found your control backsliding at all or has it remained stable?
8. How do you feel about your incontinence? After developing it but before the present, have you ever felt very differently about it? Do you feel differently from how you expected to when you started out?

Thanks so much to anyone who answers!

To say I have chosen to become incontinent is true is you are refering to the definition of being diaper dependant as incontinence. My bladder & bowel control is available to me when that is the only thing I think about 24/7/365. When I focus on anything else, my sphincters relax and my boy reverts to the same control I had prior to toilet training. From being medically tested for years, it has been proven beyond any doubt that I can live my life without diapers and make it to a toilet but it is all about quality of life rather than focusing only on bladder / bowel control. As a result, I have chosen to wear diapers out of convenience rather than anything else. Accordingly, depending on what insurance company / administrator one talks to, it is debatable whether I am actually continent or not.

I still, at times, feel the need to wet / mess day and night, and if that is all I am thinking about, can make it to a bathroom, but I want to live my life and do other things, so I have chosen to be diaper dependant. My mind still 'messes' with me and tells me of the need after I have wet/messed... just to frustrate me, but that is what I am living with.

Medical tests prove that there is control there before I void, and shows the path that I voluntary chose to void. As a result, it is always under my control, so technically, I am not incontinent. Yes, I have gone through various methods of toilet training under direct supervision of medical personal, which has resulted in some success, but I  have the same control / lack of as a toddler going through toilet training - and the same amount of accidents. A toddler training will, at times, forget of its need to void, and revert to the pre-toilet trained behaviour of sating its need by voiding in its diaper. The toddler has the ability to control itself, but does not see the need. I understand the need but still my subconscious is ignoring the need to tell my conscious mind, and just relaxing my sphincters to sate the requirement.

So, in answer to your questions, I have been toilet trained numerous times, and failed it. There was a time in my life where I was sucessfully trained (between ages 2 and 6) and used the potty, but as soon as I entered school where increased pressure in control was required, I reverted. Teachers and medical staff presumed for years that it was just stress and/or laziness, and certain tests of the time confirmed that. As a result, I would be, almost 24/7, in wet and sometimes messy training pants and being punished for that both at school and at home. It meant that education, and dealing with others was not a happy time. The punishments included being placed away from regular classes, usually a libary where I had access to books etc. This took me away from the failures and bias in the education system and allowed me to read, and learn from books rather than from the rote system of education - a process I still use today, and of huge benifit which has allowed me to excel in fields that I chose rather than within the limits of education systems - see link.

It was not until I was 15/16 that I chose to use diapers - I really didn't know they existed until I found people like Tommy etc on the net.

After achieving certain qualifications, my eyes were opened fully to the whole world of adult diapers, so although I may regret being diaper dependant, in my mind, it is better than the alternative - and the medical opinion of it can be cured / fixed. It also opened my eyes to the errors within the medical industry and its roots in comercialism and teaching methodologies. A doctor is sworn 'to do no harm' and is only defined as 'a learned friend who assists another', however, most presume that thier job is to 'fix' and/or repair what they decide is not normal, which often involves drastic changes to ones quality of life - and the doctors bias and belief is that they are doing the best for their paitent where all they are doing is what is best for whomever is making profit.

What I have found is that 24/7 diaper usage has increased my wellbeing, decreased my stress levels and made me a happier and healtier individual. The hassle of diaper changes etc is just a normal part of my life choices where others, if/when they complain, it doesn't bother me. Indirectly, diapers have made me a much stronger person, but that is also down to people like Tommy / Riley Kilo / Heidi Lynn and others, of whom I have huge respect for.

[NightWitch]

1. In what way(s) have you become incontinent? I was put on a medication that had side effects that led to me having to urinate a lot. I made the decision to continue the medication as the benefits outweigh the risk. I started wearing pull-ups to bed and out of the house, diapers when at home. I can go short periods of time without diapers if needed but it’s a bit of a gamble if my panties will stay dry. 
2. How long did it take you? It’s been roughly 9 months of this medication. I noticed being able to just wet myself instead of try to hold it all the time became easier around 3ish months. 
3. How long have you been incontinent? If it's been a long time, would you say your memory of being continent is in any way unclear? As I said, I’m not fully incontinent, I can hold it for short periods of time. 
4. How was your continence before you decided to become incontinent? I used the bathroom relatively frequently, also had to get up to use the bathroom at night 1-2 times 
5. Did people tell you anything about it before you did it, for example by encouraging you, warning you off, dismissing it as impossible? If people told you things, to what extent do you feel those things have been borne out? I told my doctor about my increased urge and frequency but not about wearing diapers to manage. My partner knows and fully supports me. 
6. Have you tried to regain your continence? Were you successful, fully or partially? If partially, to what degree? I have not tried to regain full continence. 
7. If your answer to the above question is "yes, partially," why would you say it was partially and not fully? Since you reached the point of partial recovery, have you found your controlbacksliding at all or has it remained stable? N/a
8. How do you feel about your incontinence? After developing it but before the present, have you ever felt very differently about it? Do you feel differently from how you expected to when you started out? Somedays it feels really stressful, like last week when my pull-up leaked at work. I feel embarrassed sometimes when I don’t make it to the bathroom on time or I just don’t even try to make it. Diapers were part of my kink for a long time. So sometimes it feels sensual and exciting. It is also nice to be able to finish up a task instead of rushing to the bathroom in the middle of it. I’m hoping the shame feelings will go away sooner than later. 

[Enthusi]

On 12/17/2022 at 6:22 PM, NightWitch said:

feel embarrassed sometimes when I don’t make it to the bathroom on time or I just don’t even try to make it. Diapers were part of my kink for a long time. So sometimes it feels sensual and exciting. It is also nice to be able to finish up a task instead of rushing to the bathroom in the middle of it. I’m hoping the shame feelings will go away sooner than later. 

Is the shame you’re referring to because you don’t even try to make it?  Or about being happy to manage with diapers?

For what it’s worth, based on my experience and from what I’ve read of others who are incontinent for “medical” reasons, incontinence is very insidious. Lots of people report they feel lazy and ashamed when they use their diaper when they could’ve made it to the toilet. 

[Dubious]

I haven't actively tried to get incontinent, but I have worn for many years without any result. 
I have read how you can become it, I just give up too easily. 

I guess this is off-topic. 

[NightWitch]

On 12/19/2022 at 8:21 AM, Enthusi said:

Is the shame you’re referring to because you don’t even try to make it?  Or about being happy to manage with diapers?

A little bit of both I suppose. 

[Kawaharu]

I'm Incontinent and I'm also an adult baby.  I have tried to control my continence with pull ups but ultimately gave up on that. Now I am kept in diapers permanently and I know I am never gona be potty trained anytime soon. I know I have been known to poop, pee and mess in my diapers, which are totally normal for me. Being kept in diapers permanently is way easier for me than having to be potty trained. It's why I am so use to being diapered and letting go in my diapers. Even as a adult baby I know that being diapered is way better for me than being in adult underwear. 

 

[stevewet]

On 12/12/2022 at 4:46 PM, Kaliborio said:

A few quick questions:

1. In what way(s) have you become incontinent?
2. How long did it take you?
3. How long have you been incontinent? If it's been a long time, would you say your memory of being continent is in any way unclear?
4. How was your continence before you decided to become incontinent?
5. Did people tell you anything about it before you did it, for example by encouraging you, warning you off, dismissing it as impossible? If people told you things, to what extent do you feel those things have been borne out?
6. Have you tried to regain your continence? Were you successful, fully or partially? If partially, to what degree?
7. If your answer to the above question is "yes, partially," why would you say it was partially and not fully? Since you reached the point of partial recovery, have you found your control backsliding at all or has it remained stable?
8. How do you feel about your incontinence? After developing it but before the present, have you ever felt very differently about it? Do you feel differently from how you expected to when you started out?

Thanks so much to anyone who answers!

1. I am a nightly bedwetter and have very little daytime bladder control

2. I was urinary incontinent within 6 months.

3. I have been incontinent for 12 years and in nappies full time for 10 years

4. I have always had a weak bladder and was a chronic bedwetter growing up

5.No

6. No never When I switched to nappies full time I decided that was it. Whatever happens I was incontinent and had to live with it.

7 not applicable as I have never tried to regain my continence

8. I thoroughly enjoy being incontinent and especially love being a nightly bedwetter. I have no regrets

[Enthusi]

@Kaliborio Regarding question 3 about fading memories of being continent, something tangentially related is forgetting what it feels like to put a fresh clean pair of underwear on in the morning and simply head out for the day. 

After so many years of packing a diaper bag for the day, it’s hard for me to imagine not doing that.