Anyone here need help

[Craig86]

Hi I've recently got with my gf she knew about my incontinence  now she stopping me from wearing them should I leave  saying its affecting us and she feels.put off I love her so much but suffering 

[babyzoey]

Honestly such a personal question but it's honestly an ultimatum diapers or her 

 

I don't know her I have been married 12 years to an accepting vanilla.  I've watched this dissolve marriages.  

 

I thought I'd outgrow it and I never did. Maybe you can ? 

[Little Sherri]

I'm also married to an accepting vanilla. This wasn't part of the deal when we got married; it's a long story but I thought I had closed this chapter when I was in my early teens, but then it came back 20 years later. It tends to come back, is what I'm saying - you don't want to be in a relationship that has become established - maybe property, maybe kids, certainly, emotional investment - and then you feel like you are either denying who you are, or, more likely, you start occasionally dabbling again... and then she's hurt and upset and feels betrayed. 

Only you can make this decision, but, if she's forcing your hand with an ultimatum, be prepared for a lifetime of that - she clearly believes that her needs are more important than yours and she has the upper hand in the relationship. That "rank disparity" will bleed into other areas. 

[babyzoey]

31 minutes ago, Little Sherri said:

I'm also married to an accepting vanilla. This wasn't part of the deal when we got married; it's a long story but I thought I had closed this chapter when I was in my early teens, but then it came back 20 years later. 

You were able to hold off 20 years ya know was it covid that kicked it up a notch ?? I'd been pretty chill probably till a year ago. But agree with your whole sentiment was just. Curious how you were vanilla for 20 years. 

[Goerge]

I have never been able to go for a few weeks without my nappy and wank all the time thinking about being incontinent. I'm now 24/7. I wouldnt put a gf before my nappy needs as nappies really are a big part off my life, since being very small.

[Little Sherri]

6 hours ago, babyzoey said:

Curious how you were vanilla for 20 years. 

Long story, @babyzoey, but to summarize it, I was a DL from when I was very young - I recall being fascinated by diapers when I was 4 and 5 years old. I was a bedwetter so I wore diapers to bed (1980's, no pull-ups yet), which probably fed it, but also kept that side of me satisfied, until I outgrew needing diapers, and also, outgrew most of the diapers that were available in regular stores. So, once my parents stopped buying them, I started making my own out of towels and pillowcases and safety pins and plastic bags. I monkeyed around with wearing those when I could for a few years, and then my step-father found my stash of homemade diapers under a dresser one day when I was about 13, and he waived one of them around and yelled at me in front of my whole family. After that, I didn't buy or make a diaper for more than 20 years. In the meantime, I got married, had kids. Even having diapers around the house when the kids were young didn't really trigger me - I think there's a firewall inside most people between that, and "this". 

Then one day, my mom was looking through an old photo album, and she showed me a picture of myself when I was around 6 or 7, standing in front of the Christmas tree, in a diaper, and it all came flooding back (overused pun there...). I went out and bought pull-ups maybe the next day, and within a few months I had bought some crappy medical diapers and was wearing them here and there when I had time to myself. I still hadn't thought to go on the internet - believe it or not, I thought I was the only one. Then, one fateful day, I drove past Rearz when they had a storefront in Waterloo (Ontario, Canada), and they called themselves "The Diaper Authority". I googled them, and I was astonished... not only did they have a massive selection of adult-sized diapers, but, they had incredible ones, ones that looked like baby diapers, ones that actually worked, ones you could wear all day. My God, there was an INDUSTRY...?!?  I started buying diapers in cash at Rearz, still hiding them like they were nuclear secrets. Online searches brought me to this place eventually, and I started to roll around the idea of wearing more often. At first, it was just at night - I'd sleep in a diaper, sneaking around like a burglar after my wife fell asleep. I began to realize that I was happier when I could wear, and I started to dread having to take them off. I even started sending my family away on trips, or going on business trips myself, for more time to wear diapers. Finally, I decided that I wanted to go 24/7... which meant that my wife obviously had to be told. That went way better than I could have hoped (I could be living in a van right now...), and now I can buy diapers online and I've been 24/7 for a bit more than 3.5 years.  

[babyzoey]

7 hours ago, Little Sherri said:

I'm also married to an accepting vanilla. This wasn't part of the deal when we got married; it's a long story but I thought I had closed this chapter when I was in my early teens, but then it came back 20 years later. 

Yea totally different for me. I'm younger but I basically found it on teh internet at 13 soo ... I was aware of it all I guess I never gave it up per say we did stop and have some kids and I mean your just 2 tired to think about it with young kids as they get older as I get more free time ..... yea it came back with vengeance as well. Like I have a art studio / nursery so I mean its kinda a lot but my husband knew when he met me at 18 I liked it I didn't  know to this level I guess I always wanted to act like an outsider. Cool to hear your perspective!!! 

[Dprczyone]

My only question is how can she want or make you quit wearing diapers if you're incontinent? I get it if it's abdl. That turns a lot of people off but if she knew you were incontinent before you got together I don't see how you could get by without them.

[Hannah YMS]

On 11/29/2022 at 5:38 PM, Little Sherri said:

Long story, @babyzoey, but to summarize it, I was a DL from when I was very young - I recall being fascinated by diapers when I was 4 and 5 years old. I was a bedwetter so I wore diapers to bed (1980's, no pull-ups yet), which probably fed it, but also kept that side of me satisfied, until I outgrew needing diapers, and also, outgrew most of the diapers that were available in regular stores. So, once my parents stopped buying them, I started making my own out of towels and pillowcases and safety pins and plastic bags. I monkeyed around with wearing those when I could for a few years, and then my step-father found my stash of homemade diapers under a dresser one day when I was about 13, and he waived one of them around and yelled at me in front of my whole family. After that, I didn't buy or make a diaper for more than 20 years. In the meantime, I got married, had kids. Even having diapers around the house when the kids were young didn't really trigger me - I think there's a firewall inside most people between that, and "this". 

Then one day, my mom was looking through an old photo album, and she showed me a picture of myself when I was around 6 or 7, standing in front of the Christmas tree, in a diaper, and it all came flooding back (overused pun there...). I went out and bought pull-ups maybe the next day, and within a few months I had bought some crappy medical diapers and was wearing them here and there when I had time to myself. I still hadn't thought to go on the internet - believe it or not, I thought I was the only one. Then, one fateful day, I drove past Rearz when they had a storefront in Waterloo (Ontario, Canada), and they called themselves "The Diaper Authority". I googled them, and I was astonished... not only did they have a massive selection of adult-sized diapers, but, they had incredible ones, ones that looked like baby diapers, ones that actually worked, ones you could wear all day. My God, there was an INDUSTRY...?!?  I started buying diapers in cash at Rearz, still hiding them like they were nuclear secrets. Online searches brought me to this place eventually, and I started to roll around the idea of wearing more often. At first, it was just at night - I'd sleep in a diaper, sneaking around like a burglar after my wife fell asleep. I began to realize that I was happier when I could wear, and I started to dread having to take them off. I even started sending my family away on trips, or going on business trips myself, for more time to wear diapers. Finally, I decided that I wanted to go 24/7... which meant that my wife obviously had to be told. That went way better than I could have hoped (I could be living in a van right now...), and now I can buy diapers online and I've been 24/7 for a bit more than 3.5 years.  

Wow! That was an enthralling telling of your story. I felt it so hard. My story is different, but you hit upon a lot of key points that I think is common within our community.

On 11/28/2022 at 3:31 PM, Craig86 said:

Hi I've recently got with my gf she knew about my incontinence  now she stopping me from wearing them should I leave  saying its affecting us and she feels.put off I love her so much but suffering 

I've been part of the TB/AB/DL community since I was, technically, 16. I've had an interest in diapers my entire life, truth be told. It's just part of who I am.

That said, I've been married twice. My first marriage was with a woman who had accepted my diaper fetish pre-marriage, but after consummation of our marriage diapers turned into her enemy, and mine as a result. Push came to shove, we decided to leave each other due in some part to diapers.

My second marriage, which I'm about to complete 10 years on, I am married to an ABDL. Diapers for us have never been an issue.

My overall point is, don't date/marry anyone who would change who you are. In my experience, it's just not worth it. If you find yourself in a relationship where ABDL has to be hidden, I am sorry for your positions. It's hard and it sucks.

[Cruiser 03]

Diapers aren’t your choice, they are an adaption to live your best life . You can’t live your best life if you’re married to someone who denies a basic medical fact . If she is making this into “me or the diapers” you don’t have a decision to make  ,as she has already made it. 
 

you want real love , get a dog !

my late partner , would do anything I asked that he was trained to do to help me . What he never did was put conditions on love & acceptance or see me as anything less than a whole person . If a dog can do that , your potential wife should also . Breaking up is hard , I spent the last years of my life as an able bodied person alone , why? Because she didn’t want a guy with a disahility in a few years , sucks but true , move on this is not the woman of your dreams now or later  , sorry to say it but it’s 3H time 

Hurt,Heal & then Hunt for a spouse who accepts you as you are , that includes your diapers , because real love doesn’t include asking you to change in anyway . 

Edited March 8, 2023 by Cruiser 03
Omitted word potential