Is acceptance key for diaper dependence?

[Goerge]

I live in a group home for people with disabilities. I want to wear 24/7, if I become incontinent I'm happy with them. Should I accept and tell my support staff I'm IC and be more open, The only person I have told about my nappy wearing is my supported living manager who buys my pads and wipes. I feel if its more in the open I wouldnt have to hide my nappies. Can wash my bed pads and hang them on the line in the day. I would just feel better about it. 

Are you open with your wearing. I live in a group home and it really wouldnt be a problem me going 24/7 but I don't have the confidence to do it. Should I start admitting it?

[Enthusi]

It sounds great that you are on a journey to self acceptance.   Keep in mind that it’s not necessarily an all or none deal and just because you commit to 24/7 today doesn’t obligate you to tomorrow. 
 

Also I imagine being in a group home has unique challenges, so you would probably want to make sure that people who help take care of you are aware. 

[maly]

On 5/12/2021 at 5:18 PM, Goerge said:

I'm down as incontinent also. This has been a massive desire for a very long time too. Since I embraced wearing 24/7 a lot of the obsessive thoughts around hurting myself to achieve IC have gone. You can see by my negative reputation here I used to ask a lot about ways to purposely make myself incontinent and this used to annoy people. Most people were right about just going 24/7 and since I have its been a good things for me. Since I can't manage my money my carers arrange my 'pad' deliveries. I went Tena Slips. I could get these on the NHS but don't want too as I'll have to go for tests. I'm happy buying my own pads which my disability benefits and easily cover.

 

Just going to leave that. ^

[Kawaharu]

6 hours ago, Goerge said:

I live in a group home for people with disabilities. I want to wear 24/7, if I become incontinent I'm happy with them. Should I accept and tell my support staff I'm IC and be more open, The only person I have told about my nappy wearing is my supported living manager who buys my pads and wipes. I feel if its more in the open I wouldnt have to hide my nappies. Can wash my bed pads and hang them on the line in the day. I would just feel better about it. 

Are you open with your wearing. I live in a group home and it really wouldnt be a problem me going 24/7 but I don't have the confidence to do it. Should I start admitting it?

If you want to wear diapers and you live in a group home. I think the first thing they will do is send you out to get tested and diagnosed by the doctors. Then the social worker who manages the place has to have some documentation and justification for you

[deewet]

If you are in a group home setting, and start to wet yourself or your bed or the furniture, you will get your wish quickly.  My daughter used to work for group homes, and they had most of their patients diapered, as that was easier than insisting that they go to the bathroom every 2 hrs or so as many had no motivation to get there on time or even want to go on a regular basis.  They would decide to go only when it was last minute if they did even mention it.  Trips away from home or outings, were a diapered event in every case I heard.  When she moved on to further her nursing career, she really missed her group patients, but didn't regret having to change adult diapers on a daily basis, but no different than nursing homes, group homes used diapers on a regular basis and there was no prescription involved or even social worker required input, it was simply an expected need.

[~Brian~]

On 4/4/2022 at 2:03 PM, Goerge said:

I live in a group home for people with disabilities. I want to wear 24/7, if I become incontinent I'm happy with them. Should I accept and tell my support staff I'm IC and be more open, The only person I have told about my nappy wearing is my supported living manager who buys my pads and wipes. I feel if its more in the open I wouldnt have to hide my nappies. Can wash my bed pads and hang them on the line in the day. I would just feel better about it. 

Are you open with your wearing. I live in a group home and it really wouldnt be a problem me going 24/7 but I don't have the confidence to do it. Should I start admitting it?

@Goerge

I believe that acceptance is necessary.  The reason is that there are so many people who hear the word "diaper/nappy" and they IMMEDIATELY are turned off, or they equate that to something that is "bad/unacceptable/only for babies", because of the "stigmas" we were taught that a diaper is not acceptable after the age of potty training.  You may have feelings, or triggers or desires that are inside of you, or something that is bringing this feeling or need to the surface, and sometimes there could be other factors that drive you, but the feelings are hard to hide sometimes, and they are ALWAYS gonna be there, because if you have the feelings and urges that we do, you learn to suppress them, so you can function in daily life.  

Acceptance is something that comes with time, because you may NOT be able to accept what you DON'T UNDERSTAND:  Once you are able to do that, it is easier, in my opinion, because you don't have to worry about what people think, and you do it because it makes your life easier, or helps you deal with other issues.  If you are still wrestling with yourself over a decision like this, i do understand:  I don't have to hide my true self, but I have to make sure that I keep the feelings under manageable control:  If they deal with disabled people where you live, and the deal is that you want to wear for comfort, or you're gonna use them as intended, I am sure that they have dealt with that, so its not uncommon for people to be disabled, and incontinent, and it is NOT uncommon for people to wear for comfort, and that could be classified as a reason with the right supports.

IF you are living in a place where you are safe, and you want to become IC, then you probably have what you need to do it, IF you just start wearing 24/7 for everything.  eventually, you will end up training yourself to release in a diaper.  I would discuss it with your supported living manager, and see what they say, because if they are buying you diapers, whether the home itself,  with your funds, or yourself with your funds and the supported living manager is buying you the pads and wipes, you are half way there, and I would THINK they have an idea you are wearing and using them. I would discuss this with your support team as I have.  If they are aware that you are USING what they are providing, I would think that they are going to understand that.  I don't think I would come out and say you are a DL, or say anything that would put you in a position where you would be given a hard time, because if you come out like that, you may end up further restricted.  If they consider you disabled, I doubt anyone's gonna buck that, if there is medical documentation to support that.

BUT - If this would help you deal with your issues, and they think it is a good idea, you may find that they are supportive of your request as long as you are NOT harming yourself.  I mean, you are living in a group home setting, so you may have to discuss ground rules if they allow you to do this - One may be, that They will provide what you need, when you need it, but YOU may have to change yourself, and help deal with anything that is wet or dirty - Another rule many be that you may have to not wear openly, and this means: Like running around in the buff, or in your undies -   Go ahead and see what the supported living manager says, and make sure you are honest with them.  You may be surprised.  Be sure you comply with any requests they make.

As far as being open, I mean, I wear, use and dispose of products such as diapers, wipes, pads, etc, and they are in my disposal can, which I empty weekly, sometimes twice a week.  I also take household refuse out as well.  When I do this, especially on weekends, I also do my roomie's trash so I do double incontinence product disposal when requested.  If I am in my unit, I WILL wear a T-shirt and a diaper, because that is my "underwear".   I also sometimes run commando if I am "airing out" because you do NOT want to have a rash develop and have any issues,  Make sure you are taking care of your SKIN, and putting a BARRIER between your skin and your diaper.  If you were in a facility, you may be subject to someone changing you, or requesting you to change frequently, so just be aware.

The people that need to know about me wearing and using diapers, such as medical team members, case management team, home health agency, and those whom i choose to disclose it to, know of my conditions and my decision to deal with it the way I have been dealing with it  - I ONLY disclose that if there is a need to know, or if I feel the need to disclose it to someone.  This is why it is advised to be careful how you disclose this, and who you disclose it to, because it COULD Backfire!

 

 

23 hours ago, Kawaharu said:

If you want to wear diapers and you live in a group home. I think the first thing they will do is send you out to get tested and diagnosed by the doctors. Then the social worker who manages the place has to have some documentation and justification for you

@Kawaharu

If he has a medical diagnosis, and NHS is providing diapers, he also may have a diagnosis that would make it really easy for him to be allowed to do that, and in my case the State wanted me to go to a Urologist, but I already have CP, and I don't want to worry about what will happen with that anymore - I told them that "I KNOW about MY disability, and my doctor KNOWS that I have a bona fide reason for wanting them, and can prove it up", and thats how I got my megamaxes, because the cloth backed stuff was not adequate for someone who is IC BOTH ways - I had my diagnosis and need for diapers documented, so I can get them if I am away from home in a medical facility.

Once everyone is "On the same page", and he is all set up, he will just have to make sure, or his team makes sure that any documentation needed is kept UP to DATE, and not allowed to lapse, or he may have a "huge gap" if the process gets knackered up - in 2021, I went from January to JULY before I could order any new product because the Prior Authorization LAPSED and the process stalled:  Lucky I had extra product, or I would have had to pull funding from Home Health Flex Funds, and that would have been OK for a couple months, BUT I was awaiting a decision from the state on covering wipes, and they threw me DENIAL on that request - How SILLY is that - I decided in 2020 to go full time diapered, and then ordered supplies to make my life easier and make me comfortable.  However, you don't want the docs to EXPIRE, because it is hell when it does.  My supplier in New Hampshire deals with that when needed, and I order every 2-3 months, so I have enough for just such situations as long term inability to get them, or when we are under lockdown.

 

13 hours ago, deewet said:

If you are in a group home setting, and start to wet yourself or your bed or the furniture, you will get your wish quickly.  My daughter used to work for group homes, and they had most of their patients diapered, as that was easier than insisting that they go to the bathroom every 2 hrs or so as many had no motivation to get there on time or even want to go on a regular basis.  They would decide to go only when it was last minute if they did even mention it.  Trips away from home or outings, were a diapered event in every case I heard.  When she moved on to further her nursing career, she really missed her group patients, but didn't regret having to change adult diapers on a daily basis, but no different than nursing homes, group homes used diapers on a regular basis and there was no prescription involved or even social worker required input, it was simply an expected need.

  @deewet

Yep - If you are in a facility, I'd wager a COOKIE that you'd be in there a very short time before you would probably not make it to the potty, or you'd have a accident, or you may fall down, and they would have to pick you up and either reseat you in a chair, or a wheelchair or a commode chair, or have to send you to a shower rig or a Hoyer Lift .  They probably would then decide to have you wear diapers/briefs/nappies to help you, so you don't have to try to get up if your mobility is limited.  I have that problem myself, and I don't want to spend 5 HOURS of my night running back and forth to the bathroom.  I can't help when my body decides it's gonna release, and many times, I just let it happen, BUT I have the washable pad or disposable prevail pads under me if I was needing them.  I also find it more convenient that if I have to go really bad, NOT to MOVE, or TRY to move fast, because I don't want to hurt myself trying to make it to the bathroom, because it is not worth that

Just like you say, when I was a kid, I went to a Long Term Rehab facility: Was there twice  - One Stay was 8 Weeks, the other was for 6 Weeks:   For like 2 weeks, I was gradually coaxed into a wheelchair, and I wasn't using my mobilty devices, like a walker or crutches:  I was told to use the chair for 95% of my mobility, although I was using the walker and crutches in the therapy unit at the facility,  Gradually, I was not able for some reason to make it to the bathroom a LOT, and most times, it was because the staff had so many kiddos to manage on the unit, so really FAST, I was going through a LOT of bad things when there (I was like 6 or 7 when there) I started wetting and sometimes messing myself, so out came the wheelchair, and the Pampers - Some of us were still mobile, but many times I would wet the bed, because no one could get there fast enough - I quickly leaned that the one thing that helped me was a Nice lady that took care of me, helped me, and let me shower and there was a bunch of FOOLS there that would abuse their power over us, and we basically had to do what they say, and I was AFRAID of certain things, so they would THREATEN to do things like:  Force feed me in a modified chair, or Stick me UNDER the Fire alarm, and then THREATEN to set it off if I didn't do what they wanted - I had to call home a couple times to get that shit stopped, and that was because my DAD found out what I was/wasn't doing, and I told him I wasn't doing anything out of the ordinary, but they were FORCING me to eat/do things that I could not do, and once they got sick of me, and pushed me down to my room SO HARD I almost hit a TABLE and chairs at the end of the hall HEAD ON - I was MAD and called my DAD and told him - he wasn't happy, and we had a discussion about my issues, and they started treating me more like a little boy rather than a SLAVE - that place I went to reminded me of Brandon Training School, where my brother Richard Lived - I still have flashbacks about my stays in Pediatric Rehab - I was better respected on the Pediatric Wards when I was a kid in the hospital - because NO ONE was threatening, they were SWEET, and understood what I felt like, and did not disrespect me, or put me down.

Of course, the stuff I was referring to happened in like 1975-1980, so they were able to get away with stuff and do basically as they pleased  - Nowadays, they would NEVER get away with forcing you to eat, or scaring the hell outta you at 6 years old - Scared the HELL outta me, so bad I BEGGED them NOT to send me back there

I dunno:  I think my stints in diapers were the reason I felt the way I did back then - as @Kawaharu says:  she "failed" potty training, and is NOT afraid or ashamed, or anything like that, and she deals with being incontinent as an AB, while I deal with it as a DL:  I can't hide what and how I feel when I have a "triggering event" and a diaper is a way to "protect" yourself from some of the bad things that can happen - I am incontinent, so WHY NOT ENJOY it, and wear diapers, and this also satisfies the feelings that I have had since I was 8

Good Luck!

Brian

 

Edited April 6, 2022 by ~Brian~
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