Being Gay And Growing Up Missing My Family

[amorfraldaJR]

   My name is Jason and I am 18 years old gay and a diaper lover. I knew I was gay from the age of 11. I tried fighting the feelings, and I did a lot of praying and soul searching from the age of 11. This is not the easiest thing in the world to admit to. My mom and dad are religious, and I have sat in my room many nights talking to God and asking him why I was this way. I have a younger brother that I love so much and I wished we could spend more time together. My little brother don't care that I am gay. He loves me for who I am, and that I have always been there for him. He spends lots of time with me after he finishes school and we still play video games together for hours. I still love my mom and I see her often. We talk and she knows what happened between us is not what family does to each other. I can feel her guilt when I speak to her and it hurts me to see my mom cry. It will take a miracle for my dads heart to change, and our relationship will always be flawed. Spending time with my little brother and my cousins, I wouldn't trade for the world. I asked my mom this weekend if my little brother can spend the weekend with me and she agreed. He knows nothing about diapers, and I won't wear diapers in front of him. I already spoke to my aunts and they see no problem with him spending some time with me. I just hate for my little brother to see me cry when I get sad. I miss my mom so much. I have no fear of my dad, but I don't want to come between dad and mom. When my mom hugs me I don't want to let go. That is the one thing that hurts me the most, and yes it depresses me. My aunts and my mom talk almost everyday, and I know my mom always asks about me and still truly cares for my health and well being. I spend lots of time praying for my dad, and hoping that God softens his hard heart. I spent time with my aunt Evelyn last night just bawling my eyes out and sobbing like a baby, and she held me tight and let me cry. I don't want to bring anyone down for this weekend of love and a celebration of hearts, and I have to stay tough for my little brother. Bless you all, and have a wonderful Valentines Day. May you all stay safe and warm.

[foreverdl]

8 hours ago, amorfraldaJR said:

   My name is Jason and I am 18 years old gay and a diaper lover. I knew I was gay from the age of 11. I tried fighting the feelings, and I did a lot of praying and soul searching from the age of 11. This is not the easiest thing in the world to admit to. My mom and dad are religious, and I have sat in my room many nights talking to God and asking him why I was this way. I have a younger brother that I love so much and I wished we could spend more time together. My little brother don't care that I am gay. He loves me for who I am, and that I have always been there for him. He spends lots of time with me after he finishes school and we still play video games together for hours. I still love my mom and I see her often. We talk and she knows what happened between us is not what family does to each other. I can feel her guilt when I speak to her and it hurts me to see my mom cry. It will take a miracle for my dads heart to change, and our relationship will always be flawed. Spending time with my little brother and my cousins, I wouldn't trade for the world. I asked my mom this weekend if my little brother can spend the weekend with me and she agreed. He knows nothing about diapers, and I won't wear diapers in front of him. I already spoke to my aunts and they see no problem with him spending some time with me. I just hate for my little brother to see me cry when I get sad. I miss my mom so much. I have no fear of my dad, but I don't want to come between dad and mom. When my mom hugs me I don't want to let go. That is the one thing that hurts me the most, and yes it depresses me. My aunts and my mom talk almost everyday, and I know my mom always asks about me and still truly cares for my health and well being. I spend lots of time praying for my dad, and hoping that God softens his hard heart. I spent time with my aunt Evelyn last night just bawling my eyes out and sobbing like a baby, and she held me tight and let me cry. I don't want to bring anyone down for this weekend of love and a celebration of hearts, and I have to stay tough for my little brother. Bless you all, and have a wonderful Valentines Day. May you all stay safe and warm.

I would Love to give you a magical word to help, I can say Please keep Praying for your Dad. He may come around with time, not always but sometimes Time heals,,,,

 I am glad you have the rest of you family on your side, Aunt,Mom, little brother. All very important support group. If by chance your dad takes a long time to accept it. Please hang in there, You can MM me any time I hope you know that. I hope I can help. Maybe just to Vent? if you need.

[beallucanb]

Its better to be true to yourself than live your life as a lie.

[~Brian~]

9 hours ago, amorfraldaJR said:

My name is Jason and I am 18 years old gay and a diaper lover. I knew I was gay from the age of 11. I tried fighting the feelings, and I did a lot of praying and soul searching from the age of 11. This is not the easiest thing in the world to admit to.

@amorfraldaJR

I don't think there is a way to fight what is true:  In my case, I was dealing with why I liked diapers, and why I am attracted to them, and questioned myself for years.  I still felt like I enjoyed them for YEARS and YEARS, and didn't DARE disclose this, because I was afraid I would be thought of as "crazy" or "silly" or other adjectives that could be used.  Being Gay, Lesbian, or transgender, or "fluid", etc is something that you don't FIGHT - You have to wrestle with your feelings, and it may take a long time to get there, but you did.  You probably asked yourself the same questions I did "WHY" and "HOW" and you asked for guidance from Him, and you were still confused.  You are right:  It's NOT easy to admit to, and you had the added complication that your dad could not "deal" with it, and kicked you out at 13.

However, Enter people like your Aunt @Evelyn Dellcerro and Uncle @philmydiaper  They helped you when you were down on the ground, rolling around in a pile of dung, and they helped you pick yourself up, dust yourself off, and provided you an environment where you were able to be loved, nurtured, cared for and supported.  You were able to turn your life around, and show people that you could and will persevere:  You turned a bad situation, where you were down with all the Chit you went through, and you were able to get the help you needed:  Your family loves you, man, and that's no lie:  You have  challenges that you have faced, and beaten, and there are others that you may be going through, but you will always have your aunts, and your uncle, and your mom - Your Dad may or may NOT come around, but you should not worry about that so much:  Just keep doing what you are doing and living your life the way you are, and remember that you DO have people that care about you, support you and love you.

10 hours ago, amorfraldaJR said:

 I have a younger brother that I love so much and I wished we could spend more time together. My little brother don't care that I am gay. He loves me for who I am, and that I have always been there for him. He spends lots of time with me after he finishes school and we still play video games together for hours. I still love my mom and I see her often. We talk and she knows what happened between us is not what family does to each other. I can feel her guilt when I speak to her and it hurts me to see my mom cry.

In my family, I am the oldest brother now:  I know that it is hard sometimes, because I don't get to spend as much time with MY brothers as I would like, because of work, family, and distance.  Because I am the oldest, I always try to set the example that is the best example.  This does not mean that it is always right, but I always try to do that.  I see my brother Mike everyday, and we hang out for hours, and he and I watch football and Basketball together, and in pre-covid times, we would hang out when family was in the area, or we would see each other frequently.  I LOVE all my brothers, and feel that as much as I can, that I would help them if and when I can.

It sounds like you INDEED love your mom, and that you see her quite regularly, and you stay in touch with her.  I can tell you sir, that even at MY age, I don't want to see my mom CRY either - If it is because of something someone has done to her, it makes me upset.  I don't LIKE to see my mom or dad cry - It hurts, I know, because you may not be able to do anything about it, or know why, but it can anger you to see someone disrespect her or him, and think that they are being attacked, or put down.

11 hours ago, amorfraldaJR said:

It will take a miracle for my dads heart to change, and our relationship will always be flawed.

Jason, It might take that miracle, but you can always PRAY and HOPE:  Your relationship with your Dad may be "flawed"  or NOT as strong as as the one with your mom or your aunts, but they are THERE for you.  Your Dad's heart is something that will have to change based on HIM - You cannot worry about that, but as long as you do the best you can,you will do fine.  You are STRONG because you have people behind you: You are STRONG because you know what you want to do, and you are GOING for it.  You have the tools at your command, and you know how to ask for help if you need it.

11 hours ago, amorfraldaJR said:

I spent time with my aunt Evelyn last night just bawling my eyes out and sobbing like a baby, and she held me tight and let me cry. I don't want to bring anyone down for this weekend of love and a celebration of hearts, and I have to stay tough for my little brother. Bless you all, and have a wonderful Valentines Day. May you all stay safe and warm.

Jason:  being "tough" does not mean that you cannot "lower your shields."  It does NOT mean that you do not experience emotions, and it does not make you "weak" when you are showing emotion.  You show emotions when you feel scared, happy, sad, afraid, etc, and that is part of life.  When you are down, your Aunts are there, and @Evelyn Dellcerro of course, spent time with you, and held you, and helped you:  Sometimes, crying allows you to release what you are dealing with, and when she is HOLDING you, she is telling you in "touch" that it is "OK" and she is there:  She is NOT gonna let you go, and sometimes, a good CRY is NECESSARY - During the last year, I cried so damn hard one day, because I missed my brother James, I don't know why, but James and I are probably as close or closer as you are with your Aunts and Uncles and Grandmother:  I needed to talk to him to reset:  I don't know what set me off, but I can tell you, I was probably bawling like a baby as well: Depression sucks, and it can screw with your head sometimes.

You can be assured: You can be "tough" and "strong" for your family, and that does NOT mean that you can't show emotion: You can miss your family, or your brother, like I do, and you can also have days when you think you can't handle it, and you need to step back.  Your Aunts are INDEED superheros, and they have your best interest at heart man:  You make sure you give the a BIG HUG - They are AMAZING - Showing emotion does NOT make you weak, in fact, it makes you STRONGER ***HUG***

Hang in there man

Brian

[philmydiaper]

You keep that bond with your lil brother, and keep loving your mom kid. Family can be a bitch, but they are still blood. Your dad will come around believe me. It will take him time and he still has the twisted notion that he failed as a father. If he only knew what a real man you have become, maybe the ice in his veins will slowly melt. I feel nothing but pride in knowing you and your lil brother. You guys have fun and enjoy each other. Life is easy now. Wait till you have to work and time gets less and less. Hugs kid and Happy Valentines Day. Save me some chocolate !! Will see you all in a bit.