Coming out for my own mental health

[TJ-DL]

Well where to begin, I intend to use this topic to help me come out to my cousin. She is more like my sister, we've been through a lot together and she knows me better than I know myself at times.

Just like many people here on this forum, Nappies are my comfort item, I want them when I am stressed and depressed. Wearing them helps me clear my head and explaining that verbally to someone who may have many questions is far too daunting. 

Aside from the usual 2020 stress my life has flipped upside down, I've lost my job, bought a house, lost 2 grandparents and gained a god daughter within 6 months. This is also the longest I've been in 1 city for over 10 years. 

I understand that you don't know me, but from an outsider point of view how can I approach this subject that I haven't mentioned in well over a decade.

I intend to let her read this thread in the hope it gives her a better understanding as to what I'm going through. Obviously the fear of rejection and being exposed is crippling but I fear for my mental health of having someone so close unaware of what I'm going through. 

What would you say? I told her when we were teens but I think she thought it was a phase but obviously I've accepted it is part of who I am.

[Elfy]

I'm not really seeing a reason for telling them.

It's great that you two are very close but unless you live together and you need to explain something she might see I don't think that's enough of a reason to tell someone. Think about this... What benefits do you get from telling them? What are you hoping they do in the best scenario? Then compare it to what you risk and what could happen in the worst scenario.

Secondly, you mentioned you have already told her, albeit a long time ago. Is there any reason to bring it up again? Is there any difference to her thinking it was a phase compared to being something that is a more permanent part of you?

Just some things to keep in mind and ask yourself before you decide what to do next

[TJ-DL]

I totally understand your thoughts on this, I suppose it mostly comes down to being home, while I was away working it was relatively easy to incorporate into my daily life. Where as now, I feel like I'm back in hiding. 

As for best6case scenario, I guess I just want someone close to me to accept me for who I am, and though I'm sure she already does, it doesn't lift any of the aweful stigma that comes with these feelings. By bringing this up again I hope to get that acceptance I've always longed for. I want nothing more than a 'you're weird but that's ok' 

Trust me when I say I'm not going to suddenly wear 24/7 or exhibiting myself around the place, its still for me and only me. But making sure everything is always hidden under lock and key is not something I want going forward. 

I'm always reading stories about other people coming out and it's the ones who just get accepted with minimal questions asked, always say how that huge weight is lifted off their shoulders. I want that! Just for someone to know.

 

[~Brian~]

@TJ-DL

On 9/27/2020 at 11:53 AM, TJ-DL said:

I totally understand your thoughts on this, I suppose it mostly comes down to being home, while I was away working it was relatively easy to incorporate into my daily life. Where as now, I feel like I'm back in hiding

@Elfy is right: Is it necessary to "come out" to someone telling them that you are AB/DL/Incon?  If you are living with a partner, then you may want to disclose it: BUT as @Elfy says, what are the benefits to telling her or not telling her?  Would such a disclosure cause a problem in your relationship(s) with your partners, loved ones, or others that are close to you?  What do you think will happen?  Will she accept it, and allow you to wear diapers, or will she have s problem with it?  before you disclose something like that, I would think of what may happen and think of what pitfalls you may have to deal with.  Sometimes, disclosure is helpful, and in other situations it is NOT a good Idea:  Think of what could happen when you disclose:  Is there gonna be a major problem, or will it just be a "No Big Deal" thing?  Thats the Rub:  Do you TRUST the people that you are gonna disclose it to?  Can they keep it between themselves, or do you think someone will "blab" to someone else, whom you do NOT want to tell?  Your Decision.......I disclosed my use of diapers to SOME family members, but NOT all of them:  My brothers and my Dad, and my health team know, as well as the people who are working with me, but that's IT - Others do NOT need to know, because it is not any of their business........The decision is yours.......

On 9/27/2020 at 11:53 AM, TJ-DL said:

As for best case scenario, I guess I just want someone close to me to accept me for who I am, and though I'm sure she already does, it doesn't lift any of the aweful stigma that comes with these feelings. By bringing this up again I hope to get that acceptance I've always longed for. I want nothing more than a 'you're weird but that's ok' 

I am sure that if you have a partner that  loves you, and accepts you for who you are, you are half way home.  I have had problems with diverticulitis, IBS and Incontinence for many years on and off, and in August of 2019, decided to use diapers to deal with it.  I told the people closest to me, that i trust of the problems I am/have been experiencing, and they understand - My Mom and Dad used to say to me "If a person does not love YOU for the way YOU are, they are not the right person for you."  Wearing and using diapers, or HAVING to wear/use diapers because of incontinence or disability should NOT be a problem, if she REALLY loves you, I think that with time, she may understand, or she may have questions or concerns, and want to discuss them.  If your partner accepts your use of diapers and other AB/DL things, there is ONE thing that you should understand, and that is:  She MAY ACCEPT that you wear/use diapers, but she may NOT want to be involved in your AB/DL activities, or changing you:  This is something you will have to discuss if/when you decide to disclose to her of your need/fetish.

DON"T LIE to your partner: Have a discussion when you are READY - It will be up to you to decide what and when to tell people, but remember, she may NOT understand what a "diaper fetish" is, or why you like diapers, and that is OK:  As I said, acceptance of a fetish may not be immediate, but over TIME  it should get better.  Some people do understand, and some understand and have questions, and others, like me, may question the "WHY I do what I do?"  Daily Diapers has helped me to UNDERSTAND and to give me a way to answer that question, and also that diapers enhance the FEELINGS you get:  It is not a BAD thing to like diapers or baby things, and if you have had those feelings, and continue to have these feelings, they were with you for a LONG time, and they probably have been repressed and hidden, but you will ALWAYS have these feelings, and they are a part of you, so do NOT be ashamed that you have them, because they are  NOT GOING ANYWHERE!  Have that discussion, and let her know how YOU feel, and let her tell you how SHE FEELS.   

 

On 9/27/2020 at 11:53 AM, TJ-DL said:

Trust me when I say I'm not going to suddenly wear 24/7 or exhibiting myself around the place, its still for me and only me. But making sure everything is always hidden under lock and key is not something I want going forward. 

I can understand that you may not want to wear openly, and when and where you decide to wear diapers is up to you.  Because of my conditions, I don't have to HIDE anything from anyone:  The people I work with know I wear and use diapers for their intended purposes:  I told the people I needed to, because they may have to help me deal with cleaning stuff up if I have a mess, but I change myself if that happens, and try to keep the mess to a minimum.  

On 9/27/2020 at 11:53 AM, TJ-DL said:

I'm always reading stories about other people coming out and it's the ones who just get accepted with minimal questions asked, always say how that huge weight is lifted off their shoulders. I want that! Just for someone to know.

I am glad that you think that disclosure of "coming out" about diapers has made it easier for you.  There are people here who question WHAT they are feeling, WHY they feel the way they do, or WHAT caused them to start liking diapers and other things.  Most times, it is due to some "trigger" that happens early in life.  Some people are Potty Trained too early, others have emotional or other reasons for why they wear, but fear not:  You are NOT “weird" or "strange" or anything like that!  You are "wired" differently, so you have feelings that need to be satisfied - Diapers help you in ways that people sometimes don't understand, but let me tell you, you are NOT alone:  There are many of us who question what is going on, and why, and if you have a partner that can accept your need/fetish, you are golden - Just be honest - Honesty is the best policy

Good Luck!

Brian

 

Edited May 1, 2022 by ~Brian~
Word correction

[Jilly Poo]

I agree with Elfy and Brian on this subject that it should be on a "Need to Know" basis who you decide to tell but I do know that keeping a secret such as this can really mess with your head.  I might suggest writing them a letter to ease you conscience but don't mail it.  Put it away or write the address wrong so it can't be delivered.  It will help get the thoughts and worry out of your head but in a harmless fashion that won't come back to bite you later.

While I understand you wanting to not have to keep your diapers and other paraphernalia under lock and key, you said you bought a house of your own so I assume you can decorate it any way you choose and what you keep and who you allow in each room is up to you.  If your desire is to go to Their house in a diaper, that would be something to avoid unless you are willing to pay for (financially/mentally) any accidents that may occur.

I generally judge who I tell about my diaper desires this way "If I wouldn't ask them about their Underwear/Sexual habits/Kinks/bathroom habits, than why on God's green earth would I want to tell them about mine?"  Just a little food for thought.

If you are only looking for acceptance, then look no further than this site.  There are plenty of people here who will accept you just the way you are, Weird or not.  Many of us have been where you are and have dealt with the same issues, desires and longing for acceptance.  Many of us have already suffered the heartache of loss from telling someone we thought we could trust or the pain of not being accepted by those we hold close to our hearts.  We have also had to hide our inner desires from the world and have found ways to cope and make it work for us.  

Please think very carefully about the burden you place on your cousin by them being the only one who knows your secret.  Just because you will feel better for saying it, doesn't mean they will be happy to know. 

I hope this helped.

 

[Evelyn Dellcerro]

@TJ-DL Sweetie I have to agree with everyone here. Always weigh your pros and cons. I know you have a love for family and that is a wonderful thing. Can your cousin handle this ? You say you told her when you were teens. Many things change through the years. Will she accept your diapers as you have. Will she be able to handle your stress and depression and overlook the diapers and be there for you? Will her rejection send you into a deeper depression ? Does she really need to know ? There are so many things to think about. I am a diaper lover and to be honest I have never come out to family members except those I know that will handle it, honor it and still love me unconditionally. Here and only here where I am amongst diaper family can I really speak freely.The choice is yours and yours alone to make. I pray for you and wish you the best. You have gotten very good advise from some very loving and caring people here. Peace.

[Lost Little Neppy]

I don't think you need to come out to them, as it isn't their business. As for your mental health, acceptance is never easy, but you don't have to make yourself known, so to speak, to accept yourself.

It's a hard road, for sure.