Questions...

[OddlyEnough]

Hey there, DD people! How are you all doing?

I'm new here, but not new to AB/DL in general. I've known that I'm this way since it started, when I was four years old. I have unsuccessfully tried to stomp it out for my entire life. And I have to ask some things that are probably cliched, but pressing none the less  - does it ever get easier? Does it ever go away? If not, can you ever shake off the shame? 

I ask all of these things because I'm finding the more I stuff it, the more it rears its ugly head. Three years ago, I got into a relationship, and was stupid enough to think I could crush the ABDL side of me by diving into something "normal" (pardon the term.)  But now, the pressure to move in together/move forward with things has intensified, and I'm really struggling to come out with this, because I just don't see how I could live with somebody and hide this.

Sorry! Not as fun of a hello as I intended... I swear, I'm fun at parties... When there's not a pandemic... Heh. 

Be well.

[Elfy]

Does it get easier? If you accept it then yes.

Does it ever go away? Annecdotal evidence suggests not. A lot of people engage in "binge and purge" which includes throwing everything away. They always come back to it when the urges return. Repressing things is very unhealthy and will cause issues elsewhere in your life.

Can you ever shake the shame? Yes! You have to accept that this is a kink that is part of you and not hurting anyone which can be easier said than done. When you learn to accept yourself you'll find the shame will go away and be replaced with enjoyment. The most important thing to remember in this regard is: You aren't hurting anyone by wearing a diaper!

My suggestion to you is to sit down with your partner and tell them about this stuff. Tell them you've been having trouble accepting it but it's a part of your life that they should be aware of before moving in. Make sure to explain it had nothing to do with children since that is a common but WRONG assumption. If they love you it should be "warts and all"!

[AbabeBill]

Hi and welcome to DD. Nice to meet you, and glad to have you with us. You ask some valid, and I think almost everyone of us, or a great deal of us have asked ourselves the same. I’ve been at it all my live too, going back to say 3. I have never shook it, or felt I could leave it behind me, and soon I’ll be 56. I have come to terms long ago though, this is me, a part of me. And believe me, I have struggled with keeping this part of me secret my entire life. I consider myself lucky in that, my wife is understanding, and she knew from the beginning. She isn’t a life long diaper lover, but does particulate, and has been curious about it for many years. We happened to meet on a diaper fetish site. 
She is still the only one in my life, that knows this about me. 
You do need to except who, and what you are, you need to be good with you. It will be easier if you do so. It may not be something you want to share with everyone, but you shouldn’t feel ashamed of your wants and desires. But, you do need to be honest with your significant other. That’s a big deal, you need to have her know the truth, and understand what it is for you. You’ll never be happy, trying to hide this part of you from her. It’s more then likely she’ll find out anyway, and then it will be must harder to explain. She might even resent you, for not telling her in the first place. 
 You have lots of good people here, who can help out. Any questions, ask, and read some of the other post. 
You need to relax, have fun, and enjoy!!!

[kasarberang]

I relate strongly with you my good friend. I too have tried many times to try and shake AB/DL from my life, I was ashamed. I tried to pass off my kink as something else I would say instead "no I'm just into being submissive" and try and couple it with a bunch of other more "acceptable" things to be, I always found myself back to the AB/DL stuff though.

 

Things got easier once I accepted that I simply am the way I am, it's not like my fetish is illegal or that I'm hurting anyone. I thought about it long and hard one day and I thought that I was way better off compared to some people who were born with desires they could never fulfill without causing someone extreme harm. Despite what others may tell you AB/DL isn't abnormal and it's not harmful to you or anyone else.

It's something that happens between consenting adult(s) and it doesn't cause harm to anyone. That's all that matters.

If the person you are with can't accept that part of you, that's on them, simple as that.

 

Welcome to DD.

[~Brian~]

@OddlyEnough

@Elfy is RIGHT on the money here:  You have to be able to understand what it is that is going on BEFORE you can even think about accepting it, and once you realize that you will eventually come to the realization that you probably are "hard wired" and had these desires for a LONG time, and regardless of how many cycles you go through (Binges and purges) You will STILL have those urges, feelings and desires:  I'd been a Lurker on Daily Diapers for 24 years, and for the longest time, I had the desires to wear diapers, and for some reason, it was "there" - I couldn't shake the feeling, and thought I was "strange" or "weird" or that it was a "bad" thing:  Then I read books by @rosalie.bent and I began to understand WHAT I was dealing with, and WHY I felt the way I do about diapers - You are NOT hurting anyone by wearing, or even USING diapers, or any other "equipment" that is designed for this purpose. 

In August of 2019, I had been dealing with IBS/Diverticulitis/Incontinence, and after dealing with the issues associated with that, (June to August) decided to seek help from my doctor, and from DailyDiapers.  I have learned so much - The most important thing is NOT to sweat it, and to NOT HIDE it, or that will cause you more problems, because you will be "second guessing" yourself:  In order for you to move forward, YOU have to embrace it, accept it, and then help OTHERS to understand what is going on:  DO NOT hide from it, or it will be harder for you to accept it, but when you finally do, EMBRACE it:  Diapers are nothing to fear, and there are many of us here who wear for different reasons,  and while they may be needed to deal with issues, there ARE ways to make diapers fun. 

I think I've had the "desires" since the age of 8, but didn't know what or why I felt that way:  Diapers are only "a Special Underwear that you pee and poop in" and that is all it is:  This fetish has NOTHING to do with children as elfy states, and if the worst thing that you have for a kink is that you like to wear/use diapers or other equipment, then you are doing well:  TRUST me, there are worse things that you have to deal with, and in the big picture, this is MINOR, and anyone who loves you should love you for who and what you are, and it may take time to get to the "lightbulb moment," but you will get there: LOVE WILL find a way!

Feel free to post a response, send me a Private Message, or Follow me if you wish:  we are all on this journey together, and it doesn't matter HOW we got here, but we are here

Welcome to DD!

Good Luck!

Brian

[littleTomás]

First off, Welcome to this site. The other people who've posted here have offered some awesome advice. I'll just take this opportunity to share some podcasts that helped me a lot on my journey towards self-acceptance. The podcasts listed there are all interviews with Dr. Rhoda Lipscomb who's a therapist that specializes in ABDL. One thing I can say for sure is that this does get easier if you accept yourself. I've found that when I let myself wear diapers and regress I feel so much happier and function better as an adult.

Feel free to PM me if you want to chat and know that the community here has your back.

Best,

Little Tomás

[OddlyEnough]

Thank you everybody for the welcome, and for the kind words, great advice, and podcast links! I'm really glad I found this site, and I look forward to discussing all of it further.  

Can't really articulate how much reading all of this means to me, but it sounds like you get it.

It's hard to escape the shame of it. When I was a kid, I was caught numerous times, and at one point, my parents asked me point blank if I was some kind of "deviant freak" and I've never been able to get that stuff out of my head. In terms of this relationship I'm in, I value it a lot, but every time I bring up different fetishes, or when there's some kind of reference to "deviant" sexuality on television, my significant other always kinda laughs and says "yuck" or "gross." So, I'm not sure if my relationship will survive coming out, and it makes me really unhappy to realize it. Trying to brace myself for that very strong possibility. 

Thank you again, everyone. 

[~Brian~]

@OddlyEnough

1 hour ago, OddlyEnough said:

Can't really articulate how much reading all of this means to me, but it sounds like you get it.

It's hard to escape the shame of it. When I was a kid, I was caught numerous times, and at one point, my parents asked me point blank if I was some kind of "deviant freak" and I've never been able to get that stuff out of my head.

Part of the problem as I see it, is that when we were babies/young toddlers and we were still wearing and using diapers, because we were little kids, that was acceptable, because we knew no better.  As we grow older, the idea for most parents is to try to potty train you, so that you don't need diapers anymore.  This is partly because then, your parents can transition to Underwear for you, and partly because when you reach Pre-K or Kindergarten age, most kids are NOT wearing diapers anymore, so the idea is also to save YOU the hassle of being "picked on" by your peers, and sometimes, parents allow you to hang out with your friends, so that you see THEM using the potty, in hopes that you will soon realize that it is better for you to use the potty than to wet your pants.  Its part of what we learn when we are 2-4 years old. 

Sure, parents don't want you to be shamed by peers if they can help it - BUT there are situations where you may have to wear and use diapers for a longer period then the "average toddler or preschooler, or a school-aged kid."  I have many friends that were disabled, and they had to wear diapers for longer, because they needed to learn in their own way, and in some cases they were disabled, and wore them for years - Some even for the rest of their lives.  My late brother was disabled, so my mom had to clean him, bathe him, diaper him, and dress him for ALL 10 YEARS of his life.  There is NO and should BE NO shame in having to wear, wanting to wear, experiencing the feelings for or desires that make you want to do it - this is where I have to draw the line.

2 hours ago, OddlyEnough said:

When I was a kid, I was caught numerous times, and at one point, my parents asked me point blank if I was some kind of "deviant freak"

You are NOT and NEVER were a "deviant freak."  You probably had the feelings and desires and drive to wear diapers, and you probably liked them, and still did.  Let me tell you, if you had the feelings when you were younger, they are STILL there, and they have been repressed and locked away - but you will most likely experience these feelings for the rest of your life, and the "trigger" will be something that will bring them out into the open again:  maybe its a story, a feeling, a smell, or maybe looking at a diaper, or a crib or something - The trigger could be any of these things, and when it happens, the feeling will be so strong that you MUST satisfy that feeling, or you won't be able to do anything else until you do!

2 hours ago, OddlyEnough said:

I've never been able to get that stuff out of my head.

Your Parents may have been disappointed that you were messing with diapers or something, and even in my situation, I was "caught" when I was 8 - Your parents questioned your desire, but they should NOT have thought of you as a freak - You were exploring yourself, and your parents caught you, and that was that:  It's UNFORTUNATE and ridiculous that your parents  made you feel bad for doing this.  Parents sometimes do NOT understand why we are "wired the way we are" but traumatizing you does not help you deal with the feelings, that you still have as an adult - that was WRONG in my opinion!

2 hours ago, OddlyEnough said:

In terms of this relationship I'm in, I value it a lot, but every time I bring up different fetishes, or when there's some kind of reference to "deviant" sexuality on television, my significant other always kinda laughs and says "yuck" or "gross." So, I'm not sure if my relationship will survive coming out, and it makes me really unhappy to realize it. Trying to brace myself for that very strong possibility. 

As far as a relationship goes, you will have to decide to bring this forward at some point, because if you engage in DL activities and you get "caught" by the SO, or she "finds your stash" of diapers or other equipment, you will have to tell her something.  There is nothing "gross" about diapers, or the feelings you are dealing with, and there are many of us that have these feelings too:  Maybe a Dirty diaper, or the thought of changing one may be "gross" to her, and that is fine, but if you really love her, and she really loves you, and can love you UNCONDITIONALLY (diapers or not) it shouldn't matter - Think of it this way:  If you had your SO in a relationship, and you had an accident that made you incontinent, would she still love you for who YOU ARE, or would the diapers be a dealbreaker:  If someone TRULY loves YOU for who YOU are, the diapers would NOT matter:  but she still may not want to participate - So eventually, if you love her as much as I think you do, she should be able to accept it, or at LEAST understand and tolerate it - If Not, she may not be the one for you!

Hope I was able to help you with this a little more

Good Luck!

Brian

 

 

 

 

 

[OddlyEnough]

Thank you for following up, Brian.

I think, with obvious (and very sad) exceptions, parents never intend to do damage to their kids. They just want them to turn out "normal" by whatever measure they've come to understand as normal. I really don't think my dad meant to harm me, he was just freaked out and didn't understand what was going on. It's never been talked about again, and I don't intend to ever broach the subject, but it really did cause some serious pain. 

As far as my partner goes... Unfortunately, I feel like they are a very vanilla person. They think pretty standard bedroom activities are "weird" and "kinky," so while I'm trying to remain optimistic, I see this as being a potential roadblock. I know I've been in the relationship for 3 years, and it's on me for not bringing it up, but I really thought that by throwing myself into a "normal" thing, I'd just become "normal." Instead, the self-deprivation has only increased the desire. It has taken a lot of reflection (and therapy, haha) to get to the point where I'm even able to talk about it on the internet, let alone acknowledge it in my personal life. And I also know that, if I end up living with my partner, I'm going to have to come clean. It's not something one can hide... especially not in tiny New York City apartments.

 

[littleTomás]

Hey, at the end of the day we ALL look silly having sex. Basically everyone's got a thing or things that turn them on and society selected ones that were "ok" and "deviant." And ya know what? I absolutely love Deviant Art. It's a site where artists can express the sexual part of themselves through art. As for your partner, you just have to have honest conversations about stuff you like and don't like in regards to sex. Odds are, your partner has something that turns them on that they haven't told you about because they're embarrassed by it. Watch porn together, read erotica together, shop online for a sex toy together, or have a nude cocktail hour where y'all discuss your turn-ons. Also, you don't have to tell your partner everything about ABDL all at once. That's probably not the best way to do it. Introduce elements of it slowly. If you're into the cuddly side of things then watch a Disney movie together while you lay in your partner's lap. If you're into the more naughty side of things then try spanking. Lots of "vanilla couples" enjoy spanking. Above all, just keep communicating honestly your thoughts and feelings. When there's a mutual understanding of how everyone in a relationship feels the relationship grows stronger.