All My Mother's Rules (Ch. 70 & Epilogue - 2/13/24)

[spark]

37 minutes ago, Lost Little Neppy said:

I can't imagine them not performing any sort of test on her for her incontinence, but given how long it's been going on since she's had this start, who knows if they'll be able to fix the issue.

I also really want to see how the mother reacts to this information. That would be so nice.

Her first accident was after she fell at cheer practice, so it could be caused by a spinal injury, but by this point, she would be conditioned to use her diaper for urination and defection.  Sarah mentioned it would be pure luck if she peed in the potty and she had a hard time initiating the pee in her failed big girl attempt.   

There is a process that patients go through to regain bladder control after having a Traumatic Brain Injury which sounds similar to potty training a child.

 

[BabySofia]

11 minutes ago, spark said:

so it could be caused by a spinal injury,

I think it's likely she had a brain injury from the event personally. It would result in the initial problem. The fact that it has gotten worse throughout the story makes me believe there won't be much anyone can do for her. Hopefully, they don't discover any inflammation. There is potential there could be a tumor or something that was also affected - maybe if they remove that, there might be success down the road. Plain and simple, though, I doubt she ever truly finds herself continent again. If nothing else, the months-long delay in treatment likely destroyed the chance of treatment.

[JustaFoxGirl]

1 hour ago, spark said:

Sarah mentioned it would be pure luck if she peed in the potty and she had a hard time initiating the pee in her failed big girl attempt.

I feel like it's been luck for a while, even before the babying. There were several instances where she didn't realize she was wet, and the times she did make it, she barely did and had to drop literally everything and rush. I mentioned before, she was actually trying to potty train herself with Lisa's guidance, and while it was working for Lisa, Sarah saw no improvement and arguably her condition worsened, which is what led to her getting mad at her friends in the first place. During christmas vacation, she said she was still trying to hold her bladder for as long as possible and it didn't go very well.

[spark]

55 minutes ago, BabySofia said:

I think it's likely she had a brain injury from the event personally. It would result in the initial problem. The fact that it has gotten worse throughout the story makes me believe there won't be much anyone can do for her. Hopefully, they don't discover any inflammation. There is potential there could be a tumor or something that was also affected - maybe if they remove that, there might be success down the road. Plain and simple, though, I doubt she ever truly finds herself continent again. If nothing else, the months-long delay in treatment likely destroyed the chance of treatment.

From what I know, it takes a long time for an adult to regain bladder control after they lose it.   Given that her trauma is directly related to potty training failure, it might not be in her best interest to even try.  She would have a lot of accidents while undergoing that process, and those failures could/would trigger more trauma.

I'm not a physical therapist, nor a mental health professional, so this is way above my pay grade, but I would prioritize getting her to accept diapers or pull-ups and helping her gain independence with her toileting.  I don't think it's a good idea to tell her, 

Quote

 “That’s it. I’m sure you’ll have better luck next time.”

 

15 minutes ago, JustaFoxGirl said:

I feel like it's been luck for a while, even before the babying. There were several instances where she didn't realize she was wet, and the times she did make it, she barely did and had to drop literally everything and rush. I mentioned before, she was actually trying to potty train herself with Lisa's guidance, and while it was working for Lisa, Sarah saw no improvement and arguably her condition worsened, which is what led to her getting mad at her friends in the first place. During christmas vacation, she said she was still trying to hold her bladder for as long as possible and it didn't go very well.

I think that played a major role in her mental breakdown after her mom started with her punishment.    She could use the potty, which made her a baby, and therefore should be treated like a baby.

[spark]

2 hours ago, Lost Little Neppy said:

I can't imagine them not performing any sort of test on her for her incontinence, but given how long it's been going on since she's had this start, who knows if they'll be able to fix the issue.

Would they know that mom's treatment was caused by incontinence if Sarah can't tell them.

I don't think their priority is incontinence.  The priority is to make sure she is healthy and to make sure she doesn't have physical injuries.   After that, the hospital will bring in a trauma counselor.    Also, I'd hope Amanda stays by her side all night (Jodie could cause more trauma).

I can't even imagine what Sarah would be going through that night.  Other than the nuggets and apple juice, she only ate baby food.  She wasn't allowed to express herself in real words for God knows how long.  She will definitely wet herself, and almost certainly will poop herself.  That's going to throw her in panic mode because she'll be afraid that they will do what her mom did.   Nurses are saints, but they might show some annoyance when Sarah poops herself.

I would constantly reassure Sarah that she is fine.  She is safe, and I won't let anybody hurt her.  Chances are, Sarah has been discouraged from speaking for so long that she is afraid to express herself.

[JustaFoxGirl]

1 hour ago, spark said:

I think that played a major role in her mental breakdown after her mom started with her punishment.    She could use the potty, which made her a baby, and therefore should be treated like a baby.

I think you meant couldn't, but I agree. It was multiple layers of things that eventually became too much for her teenage mind to handle.

 

I think part of the reason this story resonates with me is I can relate to so much of it. I was never abused or babied by my parents (that was entirely from schoolkids) but all the pressures of general teenage life paired with incontinence was just too much. It's one of the reasons I'm hopeful she comes out of this in a positive way.

[MinnesotaWriter]

Appreciate all the comments. Trying to respond to some from everyone. As far as story timing goes. We still have four chapters left, I think. The last two weren't in the outline, but it felt like it made sense to include them once I got to that point (I've done that quite a bit throughout the story).

8 hours ago, BabySofia said:

Hopefully counseling and answers. I'm glad to to see that the big her started to peek through to see the surface. Makes me think she can come out of this and have a future. I'm hopeful based on your hints here that it wasn't more than a few weeks of time. I do hope that man who was left back there lets the police in and they slap the handcuffs on her mom though!

I can promise we'll get an exact date in the next chapter.

7 hours ago, JustaFoxGirl said:

As someone who struggled with their own incontinence issues, I fully understand how Sarah feels right now. It also seems like she's struggling with her own desire to be babied? If we ignore her mother's abuse for a moment, she did mention how she enjoyed the relief from stress it brought and I'm sure many here can relate to that. How much of that was a result of her mother, and how much was because she had time to really think about it, and consider how Samantha may have felt about it? The private talk Samantha and Lisa had as well, whatever Samantha had told her seemed to not only calm Lisa down, but actually convinced her to take care of Samantha herself.

 

It's still much too early to say, and it's entirely possible Sarah is only trying to convince herself she could have left at any time, but I'm beginning to wonder if her experiences with Samantha's reveal and Lisa have planted ideas in her mind that only recently started to really take root.

I think the overall goal with this chapter was to both show some growth with Sarah getting back out into the real world, but also to demonstrate how she still is very confused by everything that has happened, especially since the start of Christmas break. There isn't going to be an immediate, quick-fix happy ever after for her.

7 hours ago, spark said:

I think you meant Amanda here.

Thanks, got that fixed.

7 hours ago, Night Rain said:

I feel like all that's gone on and everything that is happening. Has led to a point where Sarah will or might have a nervous breakdown.

I think the challenge will be when Sarah is going through the hospital tests as well as more rigorous questioning that the police and CPS would want to do to get to the bottom of what has happened.

7 hours ago, BabySofia said:

She's going to breakdown, I don't think there's a question there. She's in denial about her mom at the present, and at some point the realization of how bad everything got is going to weigh on her even more deeply. I don't think it has really hit her yet that she's been removed from her mother's custody and will probably never see her as her legal guardian again. 

That's true, at multiple points she is thinking about how her mom is going to fit in with everything that has happened.

6 hours ago, JustaFoxGirl said:

But either way, I maintain that she needs Lisa, Samantha and Desi to truly recover from this.

 

Of course, the bad alternative is she grows to hate it so much that it shatters her friendship with Samantha, and possibly Lisa (as an enabler of it) and I think we can all agree that would be an awful outcome.

We'll be seeing her friends soon enough. I was almost tempted to have one of them on the bus, but I figured that would be a bit much.

6 hours ago, kerry said:

The way that you have narrated this story from the start, one eye on where it is going but the other firmly on how it will get there, suggested precisely what happened in this chapter. No way were we going to go quickly to a diagnosis; rather, we need to see her slowly emerging from the stupor she has been in since school restarted...and to a great extent long before that. Otherwise, nothing good can happen: Sarah needs to begin to process for herself all of the ugliness that her mother's insanity has foisted upon her. That same careful narrative structure is why we see this:

Sarah is not yet in any position to understand anything they might say even if they had a real clue what they were dealing with. That they don't is evident from their reactions. If Lisa or whoever brought them there told them about the abuse, she could not have known how bad it had gotten. She could not have known that her mother had broken her with all of this. It makes total sense, then, that the CPS people would assume she didn't really need diapers, etc. I do, however, assume that (no matter who reported it) they know that she is not normally the way she is currently coming across, and that they will immediately understand the depth of what her mom has done.

That's a good point on how the CPS is behaving, obviously, they show up because they believe something is wrong, but they don't have all the information. Will be interesting to see what they have been told and by whom.

5 hours ago, Lost Little Neppy said:

I can't imagine them not performing any sort of test on her for her incontinence, but given how long it's been going on since she's had this start, who knows if they'll be able to fix the issue.

I also really want to see how the mother reacts to this information. That would be so nice.

There most certainly will be a bunch of tests, both incontinence and otherwise, CPS/doctors will want to make sure Sarah is OK. We'll get a diagnosis about her condition at some point.

4 hours ago, BabySofia said:

I think it's likely she had a brain injury from the event personally. It would result in the initial problem. The fact that it has gotten worse throughout the story makes me believe there won't be much anyone can do for her. Hopefully, they don't discover any inflammation. There is potential there could be a tumor or something that was also affected - maybe if they remove that, there might be success down the road. Plain and simple, though, I doubt she ever truly finds herself continent again. If nothing else, the months-long delay in treatment likely destroyed the chance of treatment.

To clarify the injury, Sarah landed extremely hard on her side, so looking more at something internal that got messed up, rather than any type of brain injury.

[spark]

2 hours ago, JustaFoxGirl said:

I think part of the reason this story resonates with me is I can relate to so much of it. I was never abused or babied by my parents (that was entirely from schoolkids) but all the pressures of general teenage life paired with incontinence was just too much. It's one of the reasons I'm hopeful she comes out of this in a positive way.

I'm not sure why this story caught my attention.  TBH- most stories I read don't catch my attention.  I look for the part about diapers and if they don't have that- I won't read it that closely.  90% is a quest for the 10% I want to read.   I don't even open up most of the stories on this board 

This story caught my attention first time, and I don't know what resonated with me.  Sarah may be the opposite to myself.  I wasn't a great student.  My mom was the antithesis of Sarah's mom.  I had a strong paternal figure, who loved me and took on a nurturing role after my mom died when I was 16.  He is still there and is still my dad.  I guess I played football, and she is a cheerleader, but I wasn't all that great at it when I played.  Even the incontinence issue was very different.  Even though I took my time to get there (nearly five), once I got there- I was fine.  I think it was the teacher in me that connected to Sarah, even though Sarah would not be my student.   

[JustaFoxGirl]

10 hours ago, MinnesotaWriter said:

I think the overall goal with this chapter was to both show some growth with Sarah getting back out into the real world, but also to demonstrate how she still is very confused by everything that has happened, especially since the start of Christmas break. There isn't going to be an immediate, quick-fix happy ever after for her.

You write in such a realistic way that I never expected anything different, but I can hope she at least knows the path she has to take and has the support to do it.

 

9 hours ago, spark said:

I'm not sure why this story caught my attention.  TBH- most stories I read don't catch my attention.  I look for the part about diapers and if they don't have that- I won't read it that closely.  90% is a quest for the 10% I want to read.   I don't even open up most of the stories on this board 

This story caught my attention first time, and I don't know what resonated with me.  Sarah may be the opposite to myself.  I wasn't a great student.  My mom was the antithesis of Sarah's mom.  I had a strong paternal figure, who loved me and took on a nurturing role after my mom died when I was 16.  He is still there and is still my dad.  I guess I played football, and she is a cheerleader, but I wasn't all that great at it when I played.  Even the incontinence issue was very different.  Even though I took my time to get there (nearly five), once I got there- I was fine.  I think it was the teacher in me that connected to Sarah, even though Sarah would not be my student.   

That's what makes this story so good, honestly. I'm sure others can relate to it in other ways as well.

 

I'm the same way as well, I don't read many stories but this one hooked me for how much emphasis MW puts on cause and effect and the personalities and relationships of the characters themselves. It's a slow build, sure, but that's what makes it good.

[AdultInnocence]

Good chapter. You said changed to the crib (or wall?) instead of chained.

[Night Rain]

On 1/21/2024 at 10:14 PM, MinnesotaWriter said:

To clarify the injury, Sarah landed extremely hard on her side, so looking more at something internal that got messed up, rather than any type of brain injury.

Perhaps it was Sarah's kidney or hip that ended up getting really messed up.

[spark]

I'm eagerly awaiting the next update, which according to Wattpad will drop at 4 PM CST tomorrow.  I feel like the I'm waiting for the first Star Wars to debut.  Unlike George Lucas, MW hasn't let me down yet.

[MinnesotaWriter]

18 hours ago, AdultInnocence said:

Good chapter. You said changed to the crib (or wall?) instead of chained.

Thanks, and good catch, got that fixed.

11 hours ago, spark said:

I'm eagerly awaiting the next update, which according to Wattpad will drop at 4 PM CST tomorrow.  I feel like the I'm waiting for the first Star Wars to debut.  Unlike George Lucas, MW hasn't let me down yet.

Wattpad allows to set a publishing time, that isn't an option here, so posting times don't always line up.

Also, I often split up longer chapters for Wattpad. So what gets posted here today is going to be more than what will be on Wattpad today.

[AdultInnocence]

I think writers who post regularly are underappreciated. It takes commitment and work to keep a schedule going. I appreciate the semi regular post basis for this story.

[MinnesotaWriter]

Chapter 65: Testing, Testing

We didn’t enter the hospital through the main entrance. Instead, Amanda drove us down into an underground employee parking garage.

“Sarah, why don’t you stay in the car for a second and finish your Happy Meal?”

I nodded. I had almost forgotten about the meal they’d purchased for me. The nuggets and fries weren’t too hot to eat now.

Both Amanda and Jodie stepped out of the car. They were standing to the side of it, engaged in a fairly emphatic conversation while I finished my meal. I was unable to hear what they were talking about.

I had just finished putting the last fry into my mouth when Amanda opened my car door.

“Jodie needs to go talk with some sheriff’s deputies, but I’m going to stay with you until tonight.”

“Go home then?”

Amanda turned back and exchanged a silent glance with Jodie. What were they not wanting to tell me?

Amanda looked back down at me. “I wouldn’t worry about that right now. That’s what we’ll be working to figure out, OK?”

That answer didn’t make any sense. Where was I going to stay if I wasn’t going back home? But I got out of the car when Amanda asked me to, a little bit of dread building up inside at the prospect of whatever tests I was expecting the doctors to perform on me. Please let it be anything but drawing blood.

Jodie whispered one more thing to Amanda and then headed off in a different direction. I trailed slightly behind Amanda as she led the way toward the hospital entrance, still carrying a backpack she had filled up with things for me back at home. We passed a couple of women in their hospital scrubs, heading to and from their vehicles.

We were nearing a discreet entrance when a sensation in my bladder caused me to stop. Amanda continued walking for a few steps, then turned around to check on me.

I stood completely still as I filled my pull-up. With a dry diaper, an accident of that size would almost be unnoticeable, with most of the wetness being drawn away from my skin. That wasn’t the case with the pull-up. It was fully soaked. I could feel the wet urine on my skin and the tug of the pull-ups elastic sides as it sagged down between my legs.

At least there wasn’t a puddle on the floor this time. That would have been so much worse out here with everyone else who was in the underground parking garage.

“It’s OK. I can help get you cleaned up once we are inside. There’s a nurse who is waiting to see you.”

I’m not sure how Amanda knew that I had had an accident. Had the expression on my face changed? Or was it the way I had paused while walking? Was my stance noticeably different? Or had the accident actually been audible?

The pull-up squished between my legs as we entered the hospital and made our way through a narrow hallway. Nurses and doctors were eating in break rooms that we passed. There weren’t any other patients in this part of the hospital.

Amanda seemed to know exactly where she was going, choosing which hallways to turn down without pausing to look for directions. She held my hand and guided me into a family restroom.

This time I was able to do most of the cleanup myself, though Amanda wiped me a few times after I had finished wiping myself, as though she thought I had missed some areas. The dress had been a good choice since I only had to remove my shoes to get a new pull-up on.

After leaving the family restroom, we walked for what felt like forever. My feet ached badly. I hadn’t been on my feet this long since I’d been in school, and this hospital complex was even larger than my high school.

I started to trail behind Amanda again. It was hard work keeping up with her.

Amanda slowed down to keep pace with me. “You’re doing good. We’re almost there.”

Two more turns and we were in a small lobby. Amanda had me take a seat in the corner while she went to the front desk to check us in. We must be in the pediatrics wing. There were a couple of kids – both my age and younger – waiting in other chairs. Some with parents and others that appeared to be on their own.

I re-adjusted my dress as I sat in the waiting room chair. The one I picked out when Amanda had me select something from the closet was a couple of years old. It was fine for covering my pull-up while walking, but if it rode up even a little while sitting, it might reveal more than I wanted it to.

I looked over to where Amanda was standing at the front desk. She had been chatting with the receptionist for what felt like several minutes before she finally turned and waved for me to come and join her.

“Julie is waiting for you inside,” the reception said as I arrived to stand next to Amanda. She pointed toward yet another door for us to walk through. I was glad Amanda was with me. I doubted I would be able to find my way out of the hospital all on my own.

An older nurse with gray hair was waiting for us as we opened the door to yet another hallway.

Julie gave Amanda a hug. “Hi Amanda, it’s been a while.” She then turned to look at me. “And you must be Sarah. Amanda called earlier, telling me to expect you. The exam room is just up ahead.”

The exam room was a familiar sight, no different from the one I had been in when I’d gotten the physical that had been a requirement to be able to play sports.

Julie had me take a seat on the exam table, which was lined with a large paper sheet. Amanda took a seat in a chair in the corner.

“We’ve got another doctor who is going to come and check on you once he is finished with his current patient. But before that, we’re just going to do a few things to make sure that you are all healthy, OK?”

Julie began by asking a few basic questions. My full name. Age. Birthdate. The answers were a little easier to answer than when Amanda had been trying to get information from me back at home. My mind didn’t feel quite as fuzzy. Nevertheless, I was stumped when she asked for my Social Security number. That wasn’t something I had ever memorized.

I froze up when Julie asked where I went to school. Julie glanced over at Amanda, who gave her a nod as to tell Julie to move on to the next question.

Julie continued through a long list of questions. Some of them seemed silly. Some of them didn’t even make any sense as to why they were being asked in the first place. Others touched on topics I wasn’t comfortable answering.

I was able to nod or shake my head for most of the answers, except for a few that couldn’t be answered with a simple yes or no. Then I had to try to think of the right big girl words to use. Amanda was sitting in the corner. She seemed to be paying close attention to the answers I was giving to Julie, who was also taking notes on her computer.

“And has your mother ever hit you?”

The calmness with which Julie asked the question unnerved me. Her tone made it feel so casual, but from the way she was looking at me, waiting for a reply, I understood that it was actually serious.

“No, just spankings.” But that wasn’t entirely true. I paused, chewing on my lip. Julie remained silent, as if she was anticipating that I would have more to say. “She hit me in the face.”

Julie didn’t appear shocked in any way by my answer. She just continued to ask her next question. “How many times?”

That question wasn’t as difficult. “A couple times.”

“And the spankings?”

“I dunno. Lots?”

“OK,” Julie said, apparently done with questions for now. “Thank-you for telling us that, Sarah. We’ve got some tests to run now.”

I rolled up my sleeve to let her read my blood pressure, trying to relax as the device tightened around my arm. I think I could manage as long as there weren’t any needles. Julie then had me briefly get up from the exam table so she could take my weight and height on a machine in the corner.

“That looks about right,” Julie said. “Only a couple of pounds lighter than in August. And about a half-inch taller.”

I was about to sit down on the exam table again when Julie stopped me. “Not yet. I’m going to need for you to get take your dress off, just for a few minutes.”

I didn’t want to, but I complied anyway, managing to get it off without any assistance before sitting down again on the exam table.

Julie’s eyes widened slightly at the sight of the pull-up, but she made no comment on it.

I looked down at myself. Both my hands had subconsciously ended up in front of the pull-up in what was a feeble attempt to obscure it from view. They were both shaking slightly, and I wasn’t sure that was entirely due to being cold from taking the dress off.

I felt Julie’s warm hand on my shoulder. “It’s going to be all right. You don’t have anything to be ashamed of. People don’t usually come to the hospital because their body is working correctly, anyway.”

Julie looked me over thoroughly, starting at my shoulders, and working her way down. Feeling my arms, legs, and back. She held a stethoscope to my chest to listen to my heartbeat, which she said sounded fine, despite the fact that I was sure it was racing at this point.

Julie then looked at the bruises on both of my knees.

“Can you tell me how you got these?”

From the corner of my eyes, I could see Amanda sit up in her chair and lean in closer toward me.

“Crawling?”

“You do a lot of crawling?”

“I only crawl at home.”

Julie paused, as if trying to figure out how to best phrase her next question. “Do you mean that crawling is something you only do at home, or that when you are home, you only crawl around all the time and don’t walk?”

“All the time?”

“That would explain how bruised they are.” Julie reached out to touch them, but despite how gentle she was, I winced when her fingers contacted my knees.

“I’m going to get you an ice pack for both of them before the doctor arrives once I finished with these notes. You can put your dress back on now.”

Putting the dress back on was more difficult than taking it off. I struggled with it for a few seconds before Amanda got up from her chair and helped me put it back on.

“You’re doing really good so far,” Amanda said. “Why don’t we take a break to go use the restroom while Julie is getting you an ice pack?”

My pull-up was still dry. And it had been a while since I’d had the accident in the parking garage. I didn’t feel like I needed to pee. But at the same time, I had drunk all the apple juice from the Happy Meal, and it had to go somewhere.

“That’s a good idea,” Julie said. “I’ll be right back when you are. The nearest restroom is just down the hallway to the right.”

Julie left to get the ice for my knees, taking a left turn after leaving the exam room. I followed Amanda off to the right. The individual restroom was only a few doors down. Amanda didn’t follow me inside.

I lowered myself uneasily onto the cold toilet seat, taking a peek at the open pull-up between my legs. There was the tiniest of yellow spots on it. I must have leaked just a little, though it wasn’t anywhere close to needing to be changed.

But as I sat on the toilet, I tried to remember what I was supposed to do. How was I supposed to tell my bladder that it was time to empty itself? Was that just something I did in my head? did I have to squeeze my muscles in certain ways? Was it a combination of the two?

Nothing seemed to be working. Like that was a big shock. I didn’t understand why Amanda was so insistent on treating me like a big girl when all the evidence stood to the contrary.

I was already exhausted from nurse Julie’s examination, and that was only the prelude to the actual doctor’s visit, which was bound to be more extensive.

A trickle sounded in the toilet. I had actually urinated somewhere other than in my pants. It was still an accident; I had given up trying to make myself pee. But it was a happy accident, for once.

---

Julie was waiting in the exam room with a pair of fancy ice wraps for my knees when Amanda and I returned.

The ice wraps fit almost like a knee brace. I shivered initially at the cold sensation, but it also felt really good.

“I was just filling in the urologist who is going to be seeing you, Jane, about everything we talked about so far. She’s absolutely amazing. I’m going to buzz her to let her know we’re ready, and then I’ll leave you in her hands.”

There was a tap on the door a few minutes later, and Julie got up to let the young doctor in. Jane was probably young enough to be the same age as Julie’s kids, if the nurse had any. Julie waved goodbye, and Jane stepped in to introduce herself to me.

“So I think Julie mentioned that I’m a urologist, right?”

I nodded.

“You understand what that means?” The word sounded familiar, like something I had come across while trying to research incontinence on the school computer months ago. But I couldn’t quite place it. I shook my head back and forth.

“It means I’m a doctor who specializes in urinary or bladder issues. I help people who have trouble with going to the toilet.”

My shoulders relaxed. I felt a bit of tension that I didn’t even realize I was holding in leave my body. I felt a bit of annoyance at Mom that I wasn’t able to suppress. There were doctors who trained specifically to deal with issues like mine?

“So, I was talking with both Julie and Amanda, and they tell me that you might be having some issues with having bladder accidents.”

It was one thing to have Lisa talk so directly about bladder issues with me. She was my age and was dealing with similar issues. It was something else to hear those same words and phrases coming from an adult.

“It’s nothing to be embarrassed about. Sometimes our bodies just don’t work the way that they are supposed to. That’s what we have hospitals and doctors and nurses for. But in order for me to help you, I need to understand what it is that you’re dealing with. I know it can be hard to talk about, but you’re not telling me anything I don’t hear all day long with the other patients that I see.”

There were that many people with these issues that her entire schedule was full of them?

“So," Jane said, continuing on after her short speech. “I saw from your medical records that there was a visit back when you were five, right before you were starting school. Is says there that you were still wetting the bed at that age, is that correct?”

I nodded. Despite Jane’s reassurances, I still found it hard to directly meet her eyes. I focused my gaze instead on a picture frame just to the right of her head.

“And is that something that is still happening?”

I nodded again.

Jane continued to ask for more details. It seemed like she was thinking of everything. How often I wet the bed. Whether it was multiple times a night. Was I wearing any protection for it.

“And has this been consistent, or have there been times you have been dry?”

I had to think back to when my bedwetting had finally come to a stop in middle school. I couldn’t recall exactly how old I was at the time.

“It stopped. Middle school?”

And when did it start again?

“When high school started.”

“And the accidents you’ve been having during the day. Did those begin around the same time?”

I thought back to that first time I had unexpectedly peed my pants. How I had barely managed to clean up that mess and get it hidden from mom. I nodded in response to Jane’s question.

“I see,” Jane said. She was taking detailed notes about everything I was telling her. “I would think that both the bedwetting and daytime incontinence would be related if they started around the same time.”

That made sense. That was the conclusion I had come to as well, though I had no idea what could have started it.

Jane continued. “Was there anything that happened around that time? Any other changes? Injuries. Maybe to your head or back? New diets? Anything that was different from before.”

I couldn’t think of anything that initially matched what she was describing. Mom hadn’t started feeding me anything different. I hadn’t noticed anything else wrong with my body other than the accidents I’d been experiencing. They had ramped up a little over time. But there was something, but there surely wasn’t anyway it could be related. I had taken that extremely hard fall during cheerleading practice. The one that had caused excruciating pain in my side that had taken weeks to fully heal.

But Jane had asked specifically about head and spine injuries. That didn’t really line up with what she seemed to be looking for. On the other hand, Jane had stressed the importance of telling her everything.

I told her about the cheerleading fall. Where I had landed. How much it had hurt. She pulled out a pain chart for me to identify how bad it had been. I re-affirmed that this was the only injury I had sustained during the period leading up to my bladder issues.

“It’s possible that could be a cause, but we’ll be needing to do a series of tests because there are other things we’ll need to rule out as well.”

But it wasn’t time for tests yet. The conversation drifted into topics that began to make me feel more uncomfortable. Jane continued chronologically from when my accidents had begun, inquiring both about the frequency of them, and what I had been doing to manage them and try to regain control of my bladder.

“Did your mom ever take you to see a doctor about these issues?”

“No.” Not that I probably needed to answer, anyway. I got a sense that Jane already knew the answer to the question, since she had access to my medical records.

Then there were more questions. I danced around the edge of the details. I told Jane about how I had begun wearing pull-ups, but didn’t mention how I had been taking ones from my sister. I told her about beginning to wear diapers to bed because of how the pull-ups leaked, and Jane nodded along, as though she understood how that issue could happen.

I mentioned that I had a friend with similar issues, and how she had been helping me before Christmas with different strategies to potty train. Kegel exercises, working on holding my bladder. How all those things had worked for Lisa and not me.

Jane raised her eyes ever-so-slightly at the mention of Lisa’s name. I thought crossed my mind. There couldn’t be that many doctors that specialized in urology. Maybe Lisa had been her patient as well.

I paused in the middle of answering another one of Jane’s questions.

“Do you know Lisa? She is my age, but a lot taller. She’s skinny with really long, black hair.”

The expression on Jane’s face told me that my guess was probably right, but I didn’t get any confirmation from her. “I’m sorry, but I can’t answer that question. I have to respect other patients’ privacy. I’d be breaking the law if I talked about any of my patients.”

“OK.”

“I can tell you that there are other kids your age who do get treatment for incontinence and bedwetting. You aren’t alone in that.”

Then our conversation moved to something I wasn’t comfortable sharing with Jane: everything that happened starting with Christmas break.

“I’m not saying this to make you feel embarrassed or uncomfortable, but it is something I need to know so I can figure out what is going on with your body and what treatments we might try. Amanda told me some of what happened earlier today when they visited your home.”

I turned to look at Amanda, who was still seated in the corner of the room. Even though I understood she was trying to help me, I was still hurt by the image in my head of what she would have divulged to Jane. How I had been lying in the crib wearing nothing but a diaper that was completely messed and soaked. Cleaning me up in the shower. The ensuing accident on the floor.

Jane’s next question cut through to the center of the issue.

“How long has your mother been making you wear diapers?”

Again, though, there was the assumption that the diapers had been forced on me without any say on my part.

“I don’t know. Since Christmas.”

“I see, so it’s been a little over two months, then.”

Two months. That answered a question I had pondered while lying in the crib. It was both difficult and easy to believe that much time had passed since Christmas.

“And why did your mom put you back in diapers?”

There were a lot of answers to that question. The most obvious was because I was peeing myself, but it felt like that wasn’t really what Jane was digging at. A punishment for breaking Mom’s rules. Failing to succeed at potty training. But I gave Jane the same answer I had given myself on New Year’s Eve.

“She didn’t make me. I wanted to wear them.”

The look on Jane’s face was quizzical. “You wanted to wear them? But I thought you wanted to work on potty training. You had your friend who was helping you, and you were able to go to the toilet sometimes while wearing pull-ups.”

Jane just didn’t understand. “But I failed potty training.”

“But how did you fail potty training?”

There it was. I’d talked myself into a trap I couldn’t just talk my way out of. I had tried so hard to avoid having to tell Jane – and Amanda, who was still listening intently in the corner – about the more embarrassing aspects of mom and my attempts to manage my incontinence, but there wasn’t any escaping that now.

I told her about how I had failed to hold my bladder as well as my younger sister. But that just led to more questions. Questions about Mom’s rules. Her strategy for potty training my younger sister and me. That time with the laxatives. How I’d bought pull-ups for myself.

With each new revelation, the look on Jane’s face continued to sour, until the friendly smile she had displayed toward me through most of the exam had been replaced with an angry scowl. What had I said or done wrong now?

Jane placed a hand over her mouth when I finished describing how Mom had made me stay in bed all night, not letting me get up to use the restroom until the morning.

“Sarah, I’m so, so sorry. You shouldn’t have had to go through that. That’s just awful.”

“But I deserved it. I couldn’t keep from peeing myself. That’s why I wanted to wear diapers.”

“You didn’t deserve any of it. And pretty much everything your mom was doing was only making your issues worse, not better.”

“But I can’t just pee all over the floor.”

“You’re right. But needing to wear protection doesn’t mean that you are a baby. It isn’t something that should be used as a form of punishment. It’s something that is supposed to help you be able to live a normal life, not be used to make you feel worse about yourself.”

“But how can I be normal while I keep peeing myself?

Amanda’s phone buzzed. She looked down to check the number that was calling her. “I’ve got to step outside for a few minutes to take this. You can continue. I’ll slip back in once it’s done.”

“Sarah,” Jane said. “Ccan you please look at me?”

I realized that I hadn’t made eye contact with Jane since she had first entered the exam room. I looked back up at her face. She was no longer frowning. Instead, there was a single tear running down her cheek.

“What your mom did was really, really wrong. It isn’t your fault in any way. And you absolutely can live a normal life with incontinence using protection, even if we can’t find a way to cure or treat you.”

I suddenly felt like crying myself. I didn’t want to accept what Jane was saying was true. Not because I had any reason to doubt her. But because of the implications that it carried for everything that had happened since the start of the school year.

Jane leaned in and gave me a hug. “it’s OK, we’re almost finished with the exam. You don’t mind if I share something personal with you.”

I shook my head.

“So, there were a lot of reasons that I chose to become a urologist. But one of them is that I had similar bladder problems that began when I was around your age. In my case, it was diagnosed as an overactive bladder, and I had to – and still do – wear protection to deal with it. I had a really helpful doctor who was able to get me through that, and I wanted to be able to help my patients like that.”

It didn’t hit me immediately. Then I realized it. There she was. A full-grown regular adult, with a regular adult job. And she was wearing a pull-up. I had to work hard not to look down at her waist. I at least hadn’t noticed anything off when she had stepped into the room. And I realized something interesting. Jane had worked hard to avoid saying either diapers or pull-ups. It was always protection, absorbent underwear, or disposable briefs.

Amanda slipped back into the room.

“Any news?” Jane asked.

“Nothing for now.”

“OK then,” Jane said, turning back toward me. “I’m going to have Julie come back. She’s going to take you around to do a couple of tests. There’s going to be some x-rays. We’re going to need a urine sample. And then before you go, we’re going to need a blood sample as well.”

I winced. I should have known better that I wasn’t going to be able to avoid that.

“Do I have to?”

“Yes,” Jane said. “That helps us know if there are any other medical issues going on that might be causing problems with your bladder.”

“Will you know what is wrong when that’s done?”

Jane smiled at me. “It’s going to take a few weeks for the labs to process all the initial tests. And we’ll have you back for a follow-up exam. But I don’t want you to worry about that. No matter what the tests reveal, we’ll do everything we can to help you live a normal life.”

As I followed Julie and Amanda out of the exam room to finish with the remaining tests, I still struggled to picture what exactly normal would mean for me now.

[AdultInnocence]

17 minutes ago, MinnesotaWriter said:

The one Amanda had picked out for me was a couple of years old

Didn't Amanda ask her to pick out her dress and that is what she ended up picking out? Or did she ask her to pick one out but then ended up picking that out instead?

 

22 minutes ago, MinnesotaWriter said:

People don’t usually come to the hospital because their body is working correctly, anyway.

Love that line!

28 minutes ago, MinnesotaWriter said:

So, Jane,

You put the quote after Jane instead of So, which made it sound like So Jane, instead of So,

 

Now that I feel like I picked the chapter apart.. lol
Thoroughly enjoyed that one which answered a lot of questions. I was thinking she wasn't going to mention the fall (I am mis remembering because I thought it was cheer-leading, not gymnastics) but she did since she was told any little thing helps (which also helped my brain get back up to speed lol).

You have a talent for writing and keeping us engaged through the story. I was looking forward to this chapter today, and it turns out it was with good reason. I also feel lucky that we get the full chapter since you don't have to break it up. This is a story I could se myself re-reading once it is all done.

[MinnesotaWriter]

5 minutes ago, AdultInnocence said:

46 minutes ago, MinnesotaWriter said:

The one Amanda had picked out for me was a couple of years old

Didn't Amanda ask her to pick out her dress and that is what she ended up picking out? Or did she ask her to pick one out but then ended up picking that out instead?

Yeah, I re-worded that so it matches the earlier chapter.

5 minutes ago, AdultInnocence said:

46 minutes ago, MinnesotaWriter said:

People don’t usually come to the hospital because their body is working correctly, anyway.

Love that line!

Thanks, was trying to find the best way for the nurse and doctor to be able to re-assure Sarah about her issues.

6 minutes ago, AdultInnocence said:

Now that I feel like I picked the chapter apart.. lol
Thoroughly enjoyed that one which answered a lot of questions. I was thinking she wasn't going to mention the fall (I am mis remembering because I thought it was cheer-leading, not gymnastics) but she did since she was told any little thing helps (which also helped my brain get back up to speed lol).

You have a talent for writing and keeping us engaged through the story. I was looking forward to this chapter today, and it turns out it was with good reason. I also feel lucky that we get the full chapter since you don't have to break it up. This is a story I could se myself re-reading once it is all done.

No worries. I'd rather have someone say something if there is a continuity issue than nothing at all. Went and made those fixes quick.

It does feel good to begin answering a lot of questions. Both for the reader and also for things we know (or suspect) but Sarah hadn't learned yet. 

It does work well for posting the whole chapter here. With Wattpad, the way their algorithm works is pretty funky, but from what I've read, it tends to reward more frequent, consistent posting and is generally best with chapters that are shorter than 3,000 words. 

[Night Rain]

With two months having passed since Christmas Vacation it mean that we are currently in March. Are we going to be skipping forward those few weeks to find out the test results?

[JustaFoxGirl]

I know it makes a lot of sense with the doctor revealing her own history, but I appreciate greatly that she's reassuring Sarah that wearing diapers is fine and not a punishment, instead of the opposite. Too many people have tried shaming me for wearing them to deal with my issues instead of "fixing them". This is a big first step for Sarah and it was written perfectly.

[spark]

3 hours ago, JustaFoxGirl said:

I know it makes a lot of sense with the doctor revealing her own history, but I appreciate greatly that she's reassuring Sarah that wearing diapers is fine and not a punishment, instead of the opposite. Too many people have tried shaming me for wearing them to deal with my issues instead of "fixing them". This is a big first step for Sarah and it was written perfectly.

This chapter must have been a hard read for you especially where Sarah is emotionally right now.  The description of the final potty training attempt must have been heartbreaking for the doctor.

@MinnesotaWriteris Jane a regular urologist, or a pediatric urologist?  That is a pediatric specialty, my SIL is a pediatric nephrologist, and I know that's not a common specialty.   If so, Jane would be familiar with abuses in the name of potty training.   However, there aren't many Pediatric urologists around.  There are only about 20 in the Bay Area.  I think Sarah was rescued around an hour ago in the story's timeline, and that might be hard to find one on that short notice.

It's a good thing that Sarah has such a good memory and can recall so many facts.  Now they know about the injury and might be able to treat the physical cause.   Even if the physical cause is treated, she hasn't been allowed to use the potty for almost three months.  Can somebody give her a good diaper, because she might go through a package of Pull-ups in a day?

[BabySofia]

6 hours ago, MinnesotaWriter said:

With each new revelation, the look on Jane’s face continued to sour, until the friendly smile she had displayed toward me through most of the exam had been replaced with an angry scowl.

It's too bad she didn't manage to maintain that poker face, but with everything I'm not surprised. I've been angry at that mother since the beginning... 

Two months.

No way she can make it up academically for that semester, hopefully their school system can at least help her do it over the summer. I'm glad to see them have some luck with getting more than a nod or a shake, that's promising at least. She still hasn't grasped she's not going home. 

All of the side conversations I'm guessing are 'news' regarding the mother and sister. I'm guessing mom bolted after picking up sister. I hope they find a place for her to live that isn't a random foster home where things get worse. Thanks for the continuing tale, as much as this all sucks for her, I'm glad that she's getting help now! (And it seems like quality help at that so far!)

[JustaFoxGirl]

28 minutes ago, spark said:

This chapter must have been a hard read for you especially where Sarah is emotionally right now.  The description of the final potty training attempt must have been heartbreaking for the doctor.

Yea, it's been a little rough. There's been some other chapters that caused similar feelings as well but this one was tough, but it's also great because Sarah is finally getting the help she desperately needed.

It is fitting though, that her mother's methods that taught Sarah to fully obey authority figures is what will help bring her down.

[spark]

15 minutes ago, BabySofia said:

Two months.

No way she can make it up academically for that semester, hopefully their school system can at least help her do it over the summer. I'm glad to see them have some luck with getting more than a nod or a shake, that's promising at least. She still hasn't grasped she's not going home. 

Two months!  It's almost half the semester!  If she has amazing resilience, process all that had happened to her, and break the brainwashing her mother put her through (FTR- she was brainwashed before this happened), it would still take a few weeks to get her well enough to attend school.

As an HS SPED teacher, I work with GE teachers a lot, and they are more inflexible than college professors.  If she was still in Middle School, there would be a benefit in her going back to school as soon as she is able.   She is in HS, and that's different.  If I were Sarah's CPS Case manager, I would push to get Sarah assessed for special education.   I don't know if she would qualify (she could qualify with an Emotional Disturbance).  That would get access to a resource teacher. I have 28 students on my caseload and a counselor  has 250

If the semester ended in December, Sarah would already have 30 credits.   She could still graduate with her class (BTW- that would've been the Class of 2023)  If her HS did what HS did in the not too recent past and ended the semester after Winter Break, she got incompletes, and by March- those are now F's.  Which means she would be a 16-year-old Freshman.

1 hour ago, JustaFoxGirl said:

Yea, it's been a little rough. There's been some other chapters that caused similar feelings as well but this one was tough, but it's also great because Sarah is finally getting the help she desperately needed.

It is fitting though, that her mother's methods that taught Sarah to fully obey authority figures is what will help bring her down.

I've been screaming for CPS to come in for three years.  I cheered when MW typed CPS.  It wasn't as hard as I cheered on Saturday night when the 49ers beat the Packers (how did that make feel @MinnesotaWriter?), but that's only because I expected CPS to be called.

The story just resonates with a lot of us

[MinnesotaWriter]

17 hours ago, Night Rain said:

With two months having passed since Christmas Vacation it mean that we are currently in March. Are we going to be skipping forward those few weeks to find out the test results?

There are some more things that need to happen story wise before we move ahead to that point. 

16 hours ago, JustaFoxGirl said:

I know it makes a lot of sense with the doctor revealing her own history, but I appreciate greatly that she's reassuring Sarah that wearing diapers is fine and not a punishment, instead of the opposite. Too many people have tried shaming me for wearing them to deal with my issues instead of "fixing them". This is a big first step for Sarah and it was written perfectly.

Thanks! I really wanted to have their approach directly contrast with the method's Sarah's mother had been using.

12 hours ago, spark said:

@MinnesotaWriteris Jane a regular urologist, or a pediatric urologist?  That is a pediatric specialty, my SIL is a pediatric nephrologist, and I know that's not a common specialty.   If so, Jane would be familiar with abuses in the name of potty training.   However, there aren't many Pediatric urologists around.  There are only about 20 in the Bay Area.  I think Sarah was rescued around an hour ago in the story's timeline, and that might be hard to find one on that short notice.

It's a good thing that Sarah has such a good memory and can recall so many facts.  Now they know about the injury and might be able to treat the physical cause.   Even if the physical cause is treated, she hasn't been allowed to use the potty for almost three months.  Can somebody give her a good diaper, because she might go through a package of Pull-ups in a day?

I guess I didn't think of specifying between a pediatric urologist and an regular one. I would assume it is a regular one, and that it wouldn't be too much of an issue for that, especially given Sarah is much closer in age to being a legal adult than a toddler.

12 hours ago, BabySofia said:

It's too bad she didn't manage to maintain that poker face, but with everything I'm not surprised. I've been angry at that mother since the beginning... 

Two months.

No way she can make it up academically for that semester, hopefully their school system can at least help her do it over the summer. I'm glad to see them have some luck with getting more than a nod or a shake, that's promising at least. She still hasn't grasped she's not going home. 

All of the side conversations I'm guessing are 'news' regarding the mother and sister. I'm guessing mom bolted after picking up sister. I hope they find a place for her to live that isn't a random foster home where things get worse. Thanks for the continuing tale, as much as this all sucks for her, I'm glad that she's getting help now! (And it seems like quality help at that so far!)

You're welcome, it is nice to finally be going the opposite direction in the story, rather than the downhill spiral Sarah was in. And to be finally answering most of the remaining questions. 

11 hours ago, JustaFoxGirl said:

Yea, it's been a little rough. There's been some other chapters that caused similar feelings as well but this one was tough, but it's also great because Sarah is finally getting the help she desperately needed.

It is fitting though, that her mother's methods that taught Sarah to fully obey authority figures is what will help bring her down.

I did think about that the authority situations as well as I was writing out Sarah's interactions with CPS and the nurse and doctor. The mindset of generally following rules and doing what she is told, especially while in a partially regressed state, does show how that comes back to bite the Mom, but I also meant it to show how she has lost some of her independence as well, just going along with things (even if they are good for her) without questioning them.

10 hours ago, spark said:

Two months!  It's almost half the semester!  If she has amazing resilience, process all that had happened to her, and break the brainwashing her mother put her through (FTR- she was brainwashed before this happened), it would still take a few weeks to get her well enough to attend school.

As an HS SPED teacher, I work with GE teachers a lot, and they are more inflexible than college professors.  If she was still in Middle School, there would be a benefit in her going back to school as soon as she is able.   She is in HS, and that's different.  If I were Sarah's CPS Case manager, I would push to get Sarah assessed for special education.   I don't know if she would qualify (she could qualify with an Emotional Disturbance).  That would get access to a resource teacher. I have 28 students on my caseload and a counselor  has 250

If the semester ended in December, Sarah would already have 30 credits.   She could still graduate with her class (BTW- that would've been the Class of 2023)  If her HS did what HS did in the not too recent past and ended the semester after Winter Break, she got incompletes, and by March- those are now F's.  Which means she would be a 16-year-old Freshman.

I've been screaming for CPS to come in for three years.  I cheered when MW typed CPS.  It wasn't as hard as I cheered on Saturday night when the 49ers beat the Packers (how did that make feel @MinnesotaWriter?), but that's only because I expected CPS to be called.

The story just resonates with a lot of us

One thing to keep in mind about academics is the Mom was "homeschooling" Sarah for this semester. I think it is safe to say that she filed proper paperwork, otherwise it would have been a truancy officers checking in much earlier than two months down the road.

Because of that, Sarah wouldn't be enrolled in any classes or be accruing any failing grades. And honestly, even if she were enrolled in school and was missing all those classes, it seems pretty clear that there would be exceptions made due to the circumstances. It would be a bit absurd to fail a student because they were being prevented from going to school for two months by an abusive parent. That doesn't mean she isn't behind, but not in a way that wouldn't be possible to do some catching up, potential over a summer of two.

And no, I'm not all that thrilled about the result of the Packers game (even if I'm glad they lost). I had hoped that with Rodgers moving on, that the Packers would at least spend a decade in quarterback purgatory. But no, Love looks to be at least competent, with the potential to be great. And the idea of the Packers having potentially 45+ years of basically good QB play in a row is incredibly irritating. Also, the NFC was weak as heck this year. You can't tell me that with a healthy Kirk Cousins that the Vikings don't have a good shot at making the Super Bowl (only to lose to the Ravens or Chiefs because it is the VIkings after all, and being the first team to go 0-5 in the Super Bowl is exactly what they would do).

[erik_hamburg]

4 hours ago, MinnesotaWriter said:

And no, I'm not all that thrilled about the result of the Packers game (even if I'm glad they lost). I had hoped that with Rodgers moving on, that the Packers would at least spend a decade in quarterback purgatory. But no, Love looks to be at least competent, with the potential to be great. And the idea of the Packers having potentially 45+ years of basically good QB play in a row is incredibly irritating. Also, the NFC was weak as heck this year. You can't tell me that with a healthy Kirk Cousins that the Vikings don't have a good shot at making the Super Bowl (only to lose to the Ravens or Chiefs because it is the VIkings after all, and being the first team to go 0-5 in the Super Bowl is exactly what they would do).

Haha, I just love the rivalry between these 2 teams. But as a former exchange student in Green Bay I feel differently about the Packers

 

I do feel really sorry for Kirk though. He won a lot of sympathy with the Netflix documentary. Really nice guy... what do you think will happen to him? Free agent this year, right?