Partners interest

[Forced2wet]

Not for the first time for me a partner has lost their initial interest in being involved in my little side and I’m wondering if this is a common thing?

I’ve told three long term partners about my kink. The first was my wife after many years of marriage, the second I told before we moved in together and the third knew before we even met. (Online)

Each of the above started out by saying they were eager to join in with me but eventually they seem to lose interest.

My current partner for me hurts the most, the previous other two ladies were unaware of my kink before we fell in love whereas my now g/f knew what she was getting into before we set up home together.

I don’t believe I spend too much time thinking about nappies, too much time on this site (just when writing a story) or too much time on my ABDL twitter account. We have a good social life and good friends along with jobs that we both (almost) enjoy and we still have a very active sex life so I’m currently struggling to see what future we have if I can’t get over feeling rejected and feeling like a freak.

I left the second lady mentioned above due to her lack of interest and the way my needs made her feel, I really don’t want to consider doing the same again because outside of this issue I believe we’re happy.

Has anyone else encountered this with their OHs? Is it a common occurrence?

If it did happen how did you resolve the issue?

[Wannatripbaby]

I'd say it's possible that the problem isn't what you're doing, but rather what you're not doing. Relationships, kink-related or otherwise, can get stale after a while if they don't change. Now, some people would be happy doing the same diaper changes and bottle feedings till they're old and grey, but others require innovation within the relationship to keep it interesting.

This requires communication and maturity. You both have to be brave enough to be vulnerable when asking if there's anything you'd like your partner to do differently. And when you ask, you must be open to change and compromise. As should she. Maybe she does prefer to take a break from engaging with your Little side. Or, maybe there's a new element she'd like to try on you? In any case, I believe that if two adults who love each other can come together and talk openly about their issues with each other there's nothing they can't overcome. ♡

[rusty pins]

Some questions come to my mind.  Many years ago Tommy from DPF had a paper he provided about what you should do for your SO when they do something for you.  If it's all one sided then I would expect it to become tiresome for the other person after a while.  They might tend to think, "I'm doing all this and putting up with it all and what do I get out of it?"  The idea is when your SO does something for you like giving you a diaper day, babying you, changing your diapers, what do you do for her (or him) in return?  I also wonder how frequent a person's fetish is occurring within the relationship.  Is it maybe more than what was first expected, or has it increased over time?  Maybe when the relationship started it was a few days a week, or a few nights to bed but now has increased to every night or all day long.  I can see that happening if the SO just goes along with it.  The diaper person increases his wearing, the SO doesn't complain so the diaper wearer thinks it's OK to wear more and more.  Communications on both people's part is a necessity!  No complaint by the SO is positive reinforcement to the DL encouraging him that it's OK to wear more and more.  Likewise, the DL should talk with the SO to see how he or she feels about it so the DL gets an idea if he or she is doing too much or going too far with the diapers in the relationship.  Only frequent communication between the two will alleviate the guess work on what may be taking the fetish too far for one or the other.  Lastly, for every action there is an equal reaction, or should be.  Find out what the SO really likes to do and then treat him or her to some special nights and times minus your diapers.  For example, if your wife or GF is really into Opera, as much as it pains you to do it, treat her to a night at an opera with dinner and good tickets.  No diapers!  It's not your night, it's hers!  Do all you can for her to make it memorable!  Not just one time a year either!  You wouldn't want to wear diapers 5 or 6 days a week and have her change and baby you for only one special night of hers year.  At least once a week (or more) plan a special time of her choosing.  Night on the town, dinner, movie or a show.  Go with her shopping or to a special garden or craft show if that is what she is into.  NO DIAPERS on those special occasions.  Again, it's not your day, it's hers!  Once he or she finds out you reciprocate by doing something special for her or him, they will know you appreciate it and will be more willing to do what you like knowing you will also do what they like.  I think doing those things can only help.  Not everyone will want to continue in a relationship after a while once they see what it is really all about, but if it's a true relationship, it will work out as long as there is mutual discussion and reciprocation for special actions by one or the other person.  Remember that even in regular vanilla relationships where there are no diapers and fetishes, people still get tired of each other and go their separate ways.

[Forced2wet]

Thanks for the replies.

Just to confirm, the last time I have worn over night in her presence was about a month ago (I put it on myself) It was the first time I’d worn in around three months so I don’t think the frequency is a problem or ever has been (even at our ‘best’ it would have been 6 days a month)

As for doing things for her, my partner has a light BDSM kink, at least once a fortnight I will tie her up and blindfold her for her sexual pleasure. Something I’ve never done before with anyone and something I like to do for her and enjoy.

I believe the main problem in our relationship is (and perhaps I’m answering my own initial question) is that she has a passive personality, she struggles to take charge of any bedroom activities whereas I can switch easily between ‘giver & taker’ I need someone to ‘make’ me wear rather than reluctantly agree to do it.

Communication is the key, but after addressing it numerous times I feel like I’m badgering her to keep talking about it.

I’m interested to know if other members have encountered this in their relationships and how they resolved it

[DiaperedAllTheTime]

I experience this regularly with my wife.  She gets too got up in life to remember just how important simply changing my diaper is for me.  The strange thing all I have to do is ask her but when I do so I often feel it is a burden on her.  Part of me also believes a little girl should not asked to be changed.  

Communication is paramount here.  Share your TRUE feelings with one another.  Do not water down things so that you do not hurt feelings.  If you have selfish feelings share them.  If she has negative feelings about you wearing diapers she needs to share them too.  The truth is not always what you want to hear but atleast its heard.

Partners can change over time.  My wife's emotions towards me permanently in diapers all the time even changes with her menstrual cycle.  I know that right before her period her husband in diapers seem to turn her off completely and she will have nothing to do with me sexually and will never voluntarily change my diaper.  When she is ovulating she will be much more playful and diapers do not bother her at all.  Understand this an adapt if necessary.  

Diapers and my wife's sexual desires for the most part makes us not sexually compatible.  This was a hard one for us to get around.  She needed a dominant man to take her not a little girl in diapers with a soft wee wee.  I encouraged her to find a real man to take care of her needs.  When she did and finally was sexually satisfied she practically changed every dirty diaper and was so very playful.  She locked me into chastity and even called me her Cinderella.  Still, after the fun of having another sexual partner wore off, she went right back to out of sight out of mind mode.  She currently no longer cuckolds me which is her personal decision.  Sometimes I wonder if her lack of pamper play is because she unconsciously wished she had a real man again.  

My wife accepted that her husband was going to wear diapers permanently.  That was enough for me.  If she chooses not to participate then I have to accept that.  It is not an easy thing to do and it took me years to understand this but it is t th e right thing to do particularly after all of her sacrifices to allow me to stay in diapers.

[Alex Bridges]

Diapers tend to be a 24/7 kind of link. We never not want to be in them, even wen we’re not wearing. Other kinks are more episodic, as in, no one wants to be tied up  and blindfolded 24/7.

Perhaps it’s the intensity of it, or perhaps the novelty has worn off and it’s not that exciting for her anymore.

Have a frank discussion with her. One thing I suggest is trying to reorient your collective thinking about diapers if she’s lost interest because she’s not dominant or sexually assertive. I think a changing someone’s diaper is a very submissive thing for that person to do, or at least can be if you think of it that way. It’s about caring, not dominating.

[dyperbole]

Changing diapers is generally not a fun activity for the changer.  Whether the diapered person is their spouse, their child, their parents, or even their grandparents, rarely is someone changing a perfectly clean diaper for another perfectly clean diaper.  Urine smells, especially after time.  Feces really smells bad immediately.  Rare is the person who likes to get urine and/or feces on their hands, which happens regularly when one changes a diaper.  Most nurses aides wear gloves for that reason.  Are there people that like to change their partner's diapers?  Sure, but those people are likely few and far between.

Put yourself in the other person's shoes.....

Let's say your significant other has a fetish for having you wipe their crotch and anus when they go to the bathroom.  At first you probably wouldn't object, especially if fun times occurred soon thereafter.  But over time the task at hand would grow old.  Smelling your partner's feces and urine on a day in, day out basis will likely become more unpleasant, and more of a chore.  Add to that if your partner menstruates, when then means you are adding period blood to the substances you'd be dealing with.  At some point you'd likely say, "Hey, just go to the bathroom without me."  Does it mean you don't love your partner anymore?  Of course not.  But when you are getting little to no pleasure out of an activity that your partner gets great pleasure out of, the natural state of things get unbalanced.  When that happens, changes occur to get back to a more balanced state.  

The reality for ABDLs is that there's no guarantee that one will find a partner that will always cater to every need of an ABDL, year in and year out.  People change, people grow older, circumstances change, etc.  You may have a great situation one day, and the next you're wearing your diapers behind a closed door.  Then the next day you could be back out in the open, because change isn't just one way.

The more you need someone else to cater to your fetish, the less likely you will find a person to do so.  There are some people out there that will live with a spouse that wears diapers, but won't participate in any ABDL activities.  There are a lot fewer people out there that will be willing to treat their spouse like a baby for decades.

For me, over time I've learned what the minimum level of attention to my fetish is required to keep it satisfied.  Luckily it doesn't require any assistance from my spouse; only that my spouse accept that I regularly wear a diaper to bed.  This has allowed me to stay married for several decades to the same person.  If I insisted my spouse change my diapers on a regular basis, I am much less confident that I'd still be married.

[oliver d]

My wife puts up and tolerates it but will not take part in anyway.

[le Hollandais]

We have a don't-ask-don't-tell arrangement. I am as discreet as I can be about my diapers.

[Forced2wet]

Yet another row over my thing again last night.

I purchased a new pair of plastic pants from eBay which arrived yesterday whilst I was at work.

The package was left on the bed so when I arrived home I duly opened it to see my new pants.

After a night out we arrived home and she questioned what was in the packet and she got annoyed that it was nt a present for her.

She then asked to see what I had purchased but I said she could nt as she now has no interest in my thing.

Cue an argument where she said she does nt want anything bought like that from an eBay account with her name on or sent to our address (Even though it’s on paper my property)

It just feels like we do everything she wants and is interested in but my ‘hobby’ is completely ignored. 

[rusty pins]

Next time you buy yourself something on EBAY, get her a little thing too.  I'm not suggesting his and hers plastic pants, but women want to know their husband is thinking of them and a nice little gift goes a long way.  You will never fully understand women as I have been trying for 45 + years.  They can buy themselves a new outfit or pair of shoes and not think anything of it, but if you buy yourself something you will hear about it and how it's not in the budget!  True, you have to Kow Tow to the wife if you want any sex or comparability in life, but when she says "No" to what you want to do, you either go along to get along or you say, "I've had enough" and find someone else who will treat the relationship as 50 - 50.

[Forced2wet]

Thanks for your thoughts.

Just for the record, having checked our eBay account, the plastic pants cost me £9, my previous ABDL related purchase was July 18. All the other 7 items from 2019 are for her (totalling £55)

Money is fortunately not an issue for us, so budgets can not be the reason for her anger.

I don’t want another relationship to break down over what I feel is s lack of interest in my ABDL side but I’m now fast approaching the point of no return.

[Snugglebear_69]

You certainly have to look at things and decide what you want out of life as you only get the one.

My wife of 13 years doesn't mind diapers at all and will change me as required but usually only if my Daddy isn't present as he doesn't just "not mind diaper play but in fact he loves it and actually wants more than I do.

That said, people do change and it's not something you can predict. My wife's interest has waned as her sex drive has decreased while my Daddy's interest in diapers just keeps going up, kind of a careful what you wish for thing.

I'd say dont dump a relationship out of hand but also don't stay in it if you aren't happy.

Little kaiya

[ppdude]

Not that I know anything, but it's probably more common than we may think, But that applies to all life phases/choices. We're human and part of that problem is we get bored.

Have any of you tried dating sites? I'm think about doing e-harmony and going for a third wife. Probably a dumb idea, but that's what dummies do. ?