Madison's Code

[Pudding]

That is literally the sweetest comment I've ever read!

[Sophie ♥]

On 8/16/2018 at 12:54 AM, Ashamaness said:

So, this is probably going to be kind of long. 

I'm... almost in tears.. 

Um...

Firstly.  Thank you just... so much.  I just.  Ahh.  I just read this aloud to Pudding and we are absolutely speechless.  I.. I'm just... *deep breath*

I really hope you come back.  Because the community isn't only people like me and Pudding, who write stories, but people like you who read them.  Who take something from them.  You are our inspiration.  You're our muse.  And without you, we wouldn't be anything.  I wasn't even going to post Madison's Code on this site!  It's unlike anything I've ever done.  And now, knowing it was the catalyst to you joining the boards... I'm just so happy I did it.  I'm so proud of myself for taking this step and proud of you for taking yours.  Any regret or anxiety I had is gone, thanks to you.  Thanks to the people who have supported me for the past eight days.

I'm not sure where you still sit on the ABDL/Little stuff in your life, but I hope whatever decisions you make that you are happy.  And I am absolutely in love with the idea that I helped contribute to that.  I'm absolutely in love with myself.  I've never been so happy to be who I am.  Thank you so much for giving me this.

I hope to hear from you again.  If you need any other stories, please feel free to ask!  And if you want a copy of Little Luzy you can find it on our Patreon for free.   When Madison's Code is finished, I'll post a completed file on here for you to download too.

Best wishes.

~Sophie

[TheChronicler]

6 hours ago, bbykimmy said:

:O

I'm right here!  I'm literally right here!  :'(

But seriously, as mentioned before - even before the PDF version, you could copy/paste these into a Google Doc (provided you're not claiming credit for it or reposting it, of course) and I bet Sophie-chan wouldn't mind.  Then you could share that with your friend without having "diapers" in the URL.

There's also another story I know that bridges the larger BDSM/kink world into the CG/l lifestyle quite well, if you can stomach the author...

I got a good laugh from this. Thanks, I was feeling a little sad. Of course, you should well be aware that you are among the good ones. I feel pointing it out to you should be considered insulting like I just explained to you that you have skin or something equally as obvious. 

[chansu ragedashi]

Sophie, I love this story, and reading both Kimmy and your commentary is almost like a form of mental diving! (I keep nodding to little internal thoughts you both state that I unconsciously do but thinking back I see some parallels)

 

Even if the story wasn't written for people in 'the community' it's still a fantastic story for introspection and self-examination.

[bbykimmy]

Hey @Ashamaness - you are our (I'm sure I speak for Sophie here too, if not she can tell me to shut up) favorite kind of reader.  Sophie and I have been talking about this a bit over the past couple of days, but the reason we write stories is to forge an emotional connection with the reader.  The fact that her writing has kept you going and improved your life makes it mean so much more than just sharing a sweet story.

Several of my favorite readers joined the site with their first comment on a story, and I look forward to hearing from them every day, chansu, Hopsalot, HyperShark - I hope you join those ranks for Sophie.

Thank you very much for sharing your message, I too hope you'll be back for more, your voice is valued and treasured.  You are important!

6 hours ago, TheChronicler said:

I got a good laugh from this. Thanks, I was feeling a little sad. Of course, you should well be aware that you are among the good ones. I feel pointing it out to you should be considered insulting like I just explained to you that you have skin or something equally as obvious. 

I'm glad I made you laugh <3

I will never, ever feel insulted by someone complimenting my writing, even if it's "Sophie is so amazingly great, and Kimmy isn't bad either!"

[Ashamaness]

Thanks so much for the super nice replies everyone!

I love how this could turn into a GIANT YARN BALL OF CASCADING APPRECIATION! That seems like it’s super healthy to me, lol. 

@Sophie ♥ I don’t know where I sit with little stuff either. I could explain more but I don’t need to hijack the thread haha. I’ve often considered hopping on board and writing a story here, but I don’t really know if I’d finish it cuz I’ve been kind of squashed on a lot of artistic fronts lately. 

Anyway, y’all got me to reply again ? 

? look what you did!

 

[bbykimmy]

11 minutes ago, Ashamaness said:

Thanks so much for the super nice replies everyone!

I love how this could turn into a GIANT YARN BALL OF CASCADING APPRECIATION! That seems like it’s super healthy to me, lol. 

@Sophie ♥ I don’t know where I sit with little stuff either. I could explain more but I don’t need to hijack the thread haha. I’ve often considered hopping on board and writing a story here, but I don’t really know if I’d finish it cuz I’ve been kind of squashed on a lot of artistic fronts lately. 

Anyway, y’all got me to reply again ? 

? look what you did!

 

I derail things constantly - Sophie wouldn't have asked if she didn't want to know.

I don't think she's around today (I'm pretty sure she told me she wouldn't be) so please, if you want to share, you have at least 2 people who are listening.

[Sophie ♥]

7 minutes ago, bbykimmy said:

I don't think she's around today (I'm pretty sure she told me she wouldn't be) so please, if you want to share, you have at least 2 people who are listening.

I am not around today!  (Right now I'm between going to the dentist and taking a nap because my face hurts.  But I thought I'd check for comments.)

19 minutes ago, Ashamaness said:

I love how this could turn into a GIANT YARN BALL OF CASCADING APPRECIATION! That seems like it’s super healthy to me, lol. 

@Sophie ♥ I don’t know where I sit with little stuff either. I could explain more but I don’t need to hijack the thread haha. 

I'm pretty sure we hit "derailed" 35 posts ago.  I haven't posted a chapter since Page 5 and now we're on Page 7! XD  So feel free to talk to us if you'd like - or if you're more comfortable sending me a private message please don't hesitate.  And Kimmy is right in that you are our favorite kind of reader!

Also "giant yarn ball of cascading appreciation" is my favorite quote now and I think you should absolutely write a story if we get more content like that!  

7 hours ago, chansu ragedashi said:

Sophie, I love this story, and reading both Kimmy and your commentary is almost like a form of mental diving!

Kimmy has an amazing knack for details so her analyses are always very thought out.  It's probably why she's such a good writer.  She's a lot like Jamie actually, because she pays so much attention!

To all the readers - I'm glad everyone is enjoying Madison!  I am not posting a chapter today but I will have another one for you tomorrow (and hopefully a few more over the weekend).  Thanks for making this thread so much fun!  I love you guys.  

[Ashamaness]

XD Okay fine lol. You got me.

I think with little stuff I do love it. As much as I like to pretend to myself that I’ll be able to just live without it, every once in a while the need for it flares up and punches me right in the happy illusions.  

46 minutes ago, Sophie ♥ said:

Also "giant yarn ball of cascading appreciation" is my favorite quote now and I think you should absolutely write a story if we get more content like that!  

Use it! Haha

I’ve written a lot about things in my blog already, though it’s mostly for helping my family understand why I’m trans (not that it’s helping) and telling stories about important moments in my life, and I tend to allude to little stuff rather than being open about it, though ironically that part of me has always been something I’ve actually been very open about.

[Sophie ♥]

34 minutes ago, Ashamaness said:

I’ve written a lot about things in my blog already, though it’s mostly for helping my family understand why I’m trans (not that it’s helping) and telling stories about important moments in my life, and I tend to allude to little stuff rather than being open about it, though ironically that part of me has always been something I’ve actually been very open about.

 Proud of you for coming out to your family!  I know that gender is super complicated and trans stuff is never an easy road to go down. *hugs* Little stuff doesn't have to be open or obvious.  Just get comfortable enough with it that you don't hate a part of you.  Getting rid of it is hard.  Usually impossible.  And luckily we live in a society that is starting to understand and accept little stuff a little bit more regularly (at least for the youngsters).  The best advice I can give you is to maybe meet a little.  Try going to a munch or talking a lot with some people in chat.  The most clarity I had with being little was talking to and meeting up with Pudding, who is my best friend now!  Before her, I was always self-conscious and skeptical.  Realizing you are not alone in a real sense, rather than a symbolic one, is world changing.

[diaperpt]

1 hour ago, Ashamaness said:

I’ve written a lot about things in my blog already, though it’s mostly for helping my family understand why I’m trans (not that it’s helping) and telling stories about important moments in my life, and I tend to allude to little stuff rather than being open about it, though ironically that part of me has always been something I’ve actually been very open about.

Ashamaness, you do know you're far from the only trans reader here, don't you? Not just the site, but fans of Sophie and Pudding as well as several other writers.

I've only been living authentically for a bit over 3 years... and at a very 'advanced' age. I've been here (DD) for a LONG time and I had been into diapers for a longer time. It'll be 4 years in just a few days since I finally admitted to myself that I'm trans. The reason I say all this is that early on my gender therapist suggested that my interest in diapers was spurred by me wanting to go back in time 'to do it right'... I had convinced myself that I was incontinent and was wearing full time until shortly after my transition began, when I 'decided' to try not wearing. Even so, there is a Little side to me and I love the stories. Every once in a while, I feel the need and dig into my diaper stash and indulge myself.

I don't understand myself fully and while I've told a very few of my friends about my "diaper side", I'm no longer ashamed of it at all. We're all different; we're trans in different ways and we're interested in diapers in different ways and for different reasons. I've found that trying to explain my trans-ness is of interest to some, but is not a basis for acceptance or rejection. Acceptance or rejection is based on emotion, not logic. Basically we're trans because we were born that way. We need to live authentically because most of us could not live otherwise.

So with all of that said, welcome to DD!! 

[Wannatripbaby]

@Ashamaness And while they ^ offer support on your Little & Trans sides, on the Artist/Writer side I will say you can count on my support if you do decide to write a story and post it here. I've helped several authors here improve their craft through encouragement including Redwelch2222, PinkTheDinosaur, and Aries, to name a few. I guess you could say we have a sort of Unofficial Writer's Club and I'm sure they'd be happy for you to join if you decide to take up the proverbial pen. 

[Ashamaness]

Wow, look at the ball of yarn unravel lol. 

?

Thanks everyone. You’re really sweet. 

56 minutes ago, Sophie ♥ said:

 Try going to a munch or talking a lot with some people in chat.  The most clarity I had with being little was talking to and meeting up with Pudding, who is my best friend now!  Before her, I was always self-conscious and skeptical.  Realizing you are not alone in a real sense, rather than a symbolic one, is world changing.

Yeah, it really is. I’ve been to munches and afterparties and have several little friends. I’ve even converted more than one normie, haha. (Sorry for bragging) I’ve been really lucky like that. And yeah, you’re absolutely right. It just kind of got complicated when I suddenly lost the desire to do little stuff. 

I think part of it might have been situational though.

17 minutes ago, diaperpt said:

The reason I say all this is that early on my gender therapist suggested that my interest in diapers was spurred by me wanting to go back in time 'to do it right'... 

That’s actually really interesting because I think it was related for me too, but not about my being trans so much as my being gay, relative to my natal sex. Or rather, it’s like the initial AB needs came from a really intense experience when I was little, and the DL fetish came from me thinking I’d go to hell for being into guys ?. 

So accepting both kind of just invalidated my little side pretty solidly. 

11 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

on the Artist/Writer side I will say you can count on my support if you do decide to write a story and post it here.

Thanks! 

[YourFNF]

13 minutes ago, Ashamaness said:

 

And yeah, you’re absolutely right. It just kind of got complicated when I suddenly lost the desire to do little stuff. 

I think part of it might have been situational though.

 

 

With how shit my situation has been lately I haven't really had time to explore and develop in the scene. So yeah that's a mood

[Wannatripbaby]

8 minutes ago, YourFNF said:

With how shit my situation has been lately I haven't really had time to explore and develop in the scene. So yeah that's a mood

I'm sorry, Ashley.

*Hugs* 

[YourFNF]

5 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

I'm sorry, Ashley.

*Hugs* 

Thanks Trip.

 

[Sophie ♥]

3 hours ago, Wannatripbaby said:

I've helped several authors here improve their craft through encouragement including Redwelch2222, PinkTheDinosaur, and Aries, to name a few.

And you edit my stories!  Always telling me where typos are and stuff.  It's very helpful.  

[Sophie ♥]

Fourteen.

    When I finally made it to the top of the stairs, tears were dripping down my cheeks.  Stumbling forward felt like dragging myself through water.  I didn’t have time to think about it — I had to move.

    Mirrors lined the walls, edge to edge, both sides, all the way into the dark endlessness of the hallway.  It made the thin, claustrophobic space seem infinite.  I closed my eyes and forced myself forward.  I watched my feet, but when I did, it looked like they weren’t moving.  I watched the ceiling, but when I did, it felt like I was moving backward.  So I stared straight ahead and tried so hard not to get distracted.

    Face forward.  Move.

    Had I gotten this far before?  I wanted to turn around, to see if it was still following me, but I knew better than to look in the mirrors.  If I looked in the mirrors, if I saw myself even once, then—

    I thought I saw someone.  I thought it was her.  But it wasn’t.  It was only me.

    I snapped up in bed, gasping for air.  The inside of my head was burning.  I fell back into my sweat-soaked bedsheets and covered my face with the pillow.  I could see my breath.  I was fire and ice all at once and it hurt so much, inside and out.

    It was just another panic attack.  I wasn’t going to die.  I just needed to calm down.  After twenty-five minutes, that’s exactly what I did.

    I was always exhausted the morning after a nightmare.  It felt like I hadn’t slept.  I made myself pancakes and arrived late to school.  It didn’t matter - I was leagues ahead of everyone else in English anyway.  And when I got to Biology and Madison Bell was waiting at my desk, I wasn’t tired at all.  It felt like I never had to sleep again for the rest of my life.

    “Would you like to come over for dinner tonight?” she asked me with one of her sincere smiles.  She was the brightest thing in the room; it was a wonder anyone cared about the weather.

    “Are you cooking?” I asked, because I had never seen Madison cook in the months I had known her.

    “No, I thought we could order a pizza or some Chinese food.  I do want to learn how to use those chopsticks.” She mimicked the act of using invisible chopsticks.  Even in make believe, her form was all wrong.

    “Sure, that sounds great.  I’ll drive you home after school.”

    “Yes!  I love this plan!” And like that, the day was good again.

    I had gotten used to driving Madison around.  She always sat with her hands holding the seatbelt across her chest, just beneath her boobs.  It was strange thinking of Madison as having boobs, not because she didn’t have any, but because she never wore anything that accentuated them.  High school was all about accentuation: long necklaces, black leggings, tight shirts.  Even I fell prey to this, with my half-zipped jackets and skinny jeans.  

    But not Madison Bell.  She wore mid-cut dresses and wool cardigans.  She wore full socks with flats.  She wore her hair in curls so it wouldn’t fall any lower than her collarbone.  I wasn't sure I had ever seen Madison with short sleeves, let alone a t-shirt.  What would she look like in jeans?  What would she look like without them?

    She ordered us pizza and we watched a cartoon on TV I had never heard of before.  It was halfway through the season, so Madison kept trying to explain to me everything that was happening.  Weren’t cartoons supposed to be easy to follow?  When had that stopped being a thing?

    “Let me do the dishes,” I told her when the show was over. “You paid for pizza - it’s only fair.” 

    “It’s my house, though,” she said with a pout.  The way her cheeks puffed out just a little, the way her bangs fell, and how she would look through the top half of her glasses… wait, what was I talking about again?

    “It’s only two plates,” I told her. “I’m doing it.” Maybe it was my tone, but Madison seemed unable to argue.

    I washed off the plates in the sink.  Madison sat on the counter and kicked her feet, telling me about another episode of the cartoon I must have missed.  It was a peaceful moment, the sort of thing you imagine when you’re alone in bed at night, and wondering if the future could be a good thing.  Then the sound of the front door slamming shut rang through the house.

    “MADISON!”

    She nearly hit her head on the cupboard when the voice bellowed her name.  Someone else was here?  No one else was ever here…

    Then a man poked his head into the kitchen.  He had short brown hair and wrinkles around his cheeks.  His thin, serious lips curled in on themselves until he noticed me by the sink.  Then, they broke out into a smile that didn’t show his teeth.

    “You have company?” This time, his voice was quieter, but no less rough.  He entered the room before Madison could introduce us and put out his hand. “Thomas Bell, I’m Madison’s dad.”

    “Uh, Jamie.  Lawson.” I dried my hands on the towel by the sink and shook the man’s hand.  He had a strong handshake that went well with his dark suit.  Lawyer?  Company management?  I couldn’t tell, but he was no salesman.

    “I’ve heard a lot about you.” Then he addressed his daughter. “Don’t sit on the counter.”

    She slid to the floor, pulling her arms around herself.  I didn’t understand that gesture… I hadn’t ever seen Madison do something like that before.

    “You two hungry?”

    “Just had dinner, Dad,” Madison said softly.

    “Alright, make sure to eat real food too, not just take out all the time.  Make some vegetables or something.” She nodded and he turned to me again. “It was nice meeting you.”

    He pulled on his tie and left the kitchen.  Madison went to the sink to finish the dishes.  Well…

    “So that’s your dad?”

    “Yeah.”

    “He’s… very polite.” I couldn’t use the word friendly in good conscience.

    “Uh huh.”

    “Madison?”

    “Hm?”

    I reached over and turned off the water, searching for the brightness in her eyes or the sincerity on her lips.  I couldn’t find either.  I’d finally found something that brought out this side of her, and I really wished it had been anything else.

    “Let’s go to Walmart, alright?” But I knew the answer before she said it.

    “I can’t today.”

    “No,” I said firmly. “You can today.  Give me your hand.”

    I wouldn’t touch her without asking, not yet, but I put my hand out all the same.  She stared at my palm, and then up at me with her simple, quiet eyes.  With reluctance, she put her palm against mine.

    “Mr. Bell?” I shouted up the stairs.  I felt Madison’s hand tighten in mine when I raised my voice. “We are going to the store.  We will be back later tonight.”

    “Have fun,” he shouted back.  His voice echoed off every wall in the entire house, I swear to Christ.  He should give up his career - whatever it was - to be a human megaphone.

    “See,” I said to Madison with a smile. “I told you.  Let’s go.”

    The circumstances sucked.  Madison was upset or afraid or something and I hated that she was.  But with my fingers woven in hers, well… I couldn’t say with honesty that the moment was lost.

[bbykimmy]

18 minutes ago, Sophie ♥ said:

What would she look like in jeans?  What would she look like without them?

JAMIE!  ... I would shout as if I wouldn't be thinking the same thing in her place.

19 minutes ago, Sophie ♥ said:

His thin, serious lips curled in on themselves until he noticed me

Remember what I said about the abuser being perfectly pleasant if anyone else was around?

I think we just found the source of the "No" days.

I'm surprised it's the father and not the mother, personally.  But I think we all know why we've never seen Madison in short sleeves now.

A panic attack for 25 minutes is ... wow.  That's intense.  I don't get attacks very often, but mine are blissfully short in comparison.  So why can't Jamie see herself in the mirror in her dreams?  Why is she searching for someone (Madison) in a hall of mirrors?  Why does she wake up when she sees herself?

I haven't puzzled that one out yet.

[Wannatripbaby]

Oh hey! There's a story in this thread! I completely forgot lol. ?

So we finally met the father... he seems nice! I don't know what Madison is so worked up about.

25 minutes ago, Sophie ♥ said:

I wasn't sure I had ever seen Madison with short sleeves,

Hmm... what would cause someone to never show their bare arms... I've got it! She probably gets cold easily. Maybe Jamie could knit her a friendship sweater?

[HyperShark]

4 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

Oh hey! There's a story in this thread! I completely forgot lol. ?

Wait! Who put a story in the middle of our chat thread? >:(

[Sophie ♥]

10 minutes ago, Wannatripbaby said:

Hmm... what would cause someone to never show their bare arms... I've got it! She probably gets cold easily. Maybe Jamie could knit her a friendship sweater?

Friendship sweater is the next big plot point!  

9 minutes ago, HyperShark said:

Wait! Who put a story in the middle of our chat thread? >:(

Some inconsiderate hussy, no doubt!

[YourFNF]

Oh gods asshole parent incoming. Excuse me while I get a giant bag of weed so I don't accidentally hulk out.

[bbykimmy]

4 minutes ago, YourFNF said:

Oh gods asshole parent incoming. Excuse me while I get a giant bag of weed so I don't accidentally hulk out.

Abusive asshole parent if I'm not wrong...

[Wannatripbaby]

9 minutes ago, YourFNF said:

Oh gods asshole parent incoming. Excuse me while I get a giant bag of weed so I don't accidentally hulk out.

 

8 minutes ago, bbykimmy said:

Abusive asshole parent if I'm not wrong...

*Gasp* Why does everyone assume Thomas Bell is some kind of horrible person? He is the epitome of good parenthood. He was even worried about Madison's nutrition!