Advice for coming out as abdl

[nenog613]

due to abdls not really being an out, loud and proud massive group of people, i had never really talked to another abdl until i joined this forum. i've met a couple of people on webcam sites and its usually "you like wearing diapers? i like wearing diapers! lets watch each other wear diapers...okay, that was fun. bye." as such, i've never talked about being an abdl nor thought deeply about why i do it. its basically been "i like wearing diapers because its humiliating, which turns me on". however, since joining and being able to talk about being an abdl, i've opened up not only to others but myself about wearing diapers, which has unlocked some things. in a thread about why you think you became an abdl, i recalled the incident that started it for me. in short, i had an accident at daycare and had to wear a diaper. in trying to articulate why i thought wearing a diaper left such a big imprint, since if i wore a pull-up it wouldn't have been as impactful because i had to wear them before when i had accidents and i wore them to bed every night for bed wetting, i remembered that the reason i had to wear a diaper was because the daycare worker wanted to shame me as punishment and she humiliated me in front of all my friends (which is psychological child abuse). that revelation has caused me to take a deep hard look at myself, and i believe a lot of what i though was just my personality are actually long-standing issues that stem from that incident, and they're issues i need to deal with because they've had a tremendous impact on my life. for instance, i have a very difficult time needing things from people or asking them for help, which makes it hard to ask someone for a job (i actually get embarrassed when people tell me they're not hiring, because for some reason to me it doesn't feel like they're not hiring, its that they just don't want to hire me).

how this relates to coming out as an abdl: i think i need therapy to help deal with these issues, but i'm about to graduate college, have no job (going to school on gi bill, which stops when i graduate, and student loans, which i have to start paying back when i graduate), and entering a career where the best chances of gainful employment are elsewhere (so i need money to move there), which means i'm living on limited funds. so for therapy (which i think will greatly help me be able to get a job) i am either going to have to turn to my parents for help paying out of pocket, or go through insurance, which my parents pay for because i'm on limited funds. either way, before i go to therapy i going to have to talk to my parents (or at least my mom) about it, because they're going to want to know why i need to go and what made me realize i need to go, which means i have to tell them i wear diapers (and the inevitable why), which is something i've desperately been trying to keep secret from them for decades.

[Wannatripbaby]

I've sort of taken to calling myself DD's "Community Therapist." I don't have a psychology degree or anything, but I just have a knack for helping people with their problems. I say that to say, you may not need therapy. Just someone to talk to. Which is what I'm offering. I want to help you talk about your problems. Feel free to message me any time you're ready.

Well, any time after Easter. I'm gonna be pretty busy today with family and all that. But after today, I'm all yours.

[Bettypooh]

There always seems to be a deep-seated urge in us to share what we feel is most important to us. Along with that comes worries about how others will react, and that's really what the problem is. I'm not saying that those worries aren't valid, only that you need to understand what it does to you. I felt the need to come out as a TG because I knew it would be a very visible change in me and I didn't want to just shock everyone by showing up as a woman (although I used that technique on a few people). I went slowly, one by one, and tailored my message to each based on what I thought would be the best approach for them individually. I also learned to not have expectations of heir responses- some of them who I thought would be OK weren't and some who I thought wouldn't take it well didn't. You can't really know until the deed is done and by then you can't undo it. The repercussions of losing your secret can be devastating. I was the #2 person in a growing company with a bright future. I told the owner and made it clear that I would not change at work or allow my personal life to affect his company in any way, and that I'd leave voluntarily before that happened. Ostensibly he was all fine and good with it but within months I'd been kicked down to the bottom rung or the ladder then got fired unexpectedly over a BS reason. You wont get the results you expect when you come out and it can be a really bad thing to do unless you actually need to do it.

So let me ask why you think that you need to "come out"? Are you wanting to make visible changes to your appearance? If so will that be 24/7, only when not at work, or what? Maybe you want to change your home into a baby-type atmosphere. Only those who see inside your home will be affected by that. Wearing diapers under clothing can be quite discreet and almost nobody will catch on if you do it well, and you can convert your bedroom with only intimate partners ever seeing it. The truth is that most of us really don't need to 'come out' save for the emotional release it may bring.

You aren't lying or being deceitful when you chose to say nothing about something which isn't really anyone else's business. Everybody does that- you're allowed your private thoughts and feelings. I wear 24/7 and have told nobody outside of the ABDL community although I am ready to discuss it if the need arises. I don't feel restricted by my approach as it closes no options to me while it saves me from any issues that could happen if my wearing were well-known. Those who really need to know about this will learn of it sooner or later and there's really no reason for everyone else to know so I see no need to risk it. Your situation may be different but the one thing which doesn't change is that others will change how their relationship with you goes and those changes won't all be good. There can be good changes too- especially in your own self- and that can make it worthwhile. It's just something which requires much thought, cars, and planning before you do it if you want the best results from it.

Here to support you whichever way you choose to go,

Bettypooh

[DL4LIFE]

I'm not sure of this and I understand your feelings of insecurity.  Your embarrassment of asking for help or a job could stem from your feelings of being rejected. No likes being rejected but you have to stop thinking it's all you. Maybe the employer wasn't hiring at the time. Maybe the person you ask for help really wasn't available at your time of need. 

Point is its not you.

It took a while for me to come to terms with those same feelings but eventually I did.

So what if the employer didn't hire me...their loss cause they missed out on the opportunity of having a great employee. So what if the person I ask to help couldn't. I'll ask someone else. 

You say your in college. Doesn't the college have guidance counselors? Support groups? If they do check them out. Your ABDL probability plays a significant role in your insecurities and fear of rejection but if you counsel on those two things you might get a better understanding of how to balance this without outing yourself as an ABDL. 

Point is you don't have to out yourself as an ABDL.