A Big Decesion To Make

[Terrym]

Hello everyone I have a question and feel this is the best place to ask being that I am a DL. To kind of make a long story short my question is I am married and have kids ( 3 ) I have been married for 8 years now and as I'm sure most of you know after being together for that long you find out the real person and your wants and needs. Needless to say we are both content with where we are at now but not 100% happy. On average I would say most days are fine. My wife has never really liked or accepted the idea that I'm a DL but deals with it because thats a part of me I can get rid of ( I've tried many times ). We don't really fight or argue and we do love each other just not as much as when we first got together. So to get to the point of this I have made a online friend who I have shared everything with and gotten to know very well for about a year. We both belive that we are soul mates to make it simply, and I haven't cheated on my wife in any sexually ways or even emotional I belive, but I'm torn on what to do. Should I stay contempt with what I have or take a chance on being happy with my soul mate.

[D_Rainger]

Do you want to do that to your wife and kids? You said it yourself "should I take a chance with my soul mate?" It is only a chance that you will be any happier than you are now, it might be worse. You may start a cycle that will repeat over and over. What's to say that in few years you find another "soul mate" that offers you something that one you left your wife and kids for couldn't? I sure wouldn't want to start a relationship with someone who has a track record of leaving an innocent family.

"The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet"

-James Oppenhelm

I don't mean to be cruel or unfeeling, just don't do something you will regret.

-D_Rainger

[wsdler]

You have kids. If you do pursue things with a person who've you've never met before regardless of what happens with that relationship your children WILL get screwed. You and your wife should go to a therapist ASAP as they might be able to give you some ideas to spice up your marriage a little bit. Considering you have children you shouldn't even consider ANYTHING else until all other avenues have been completely exhausted and the divorce is finalized.

ETA - You say you're content but not 100% happy. What makes you think that 8 years down the road with someone else is going to be any different? The point is... the grass is not always greener.

Perhaps your wife could be a little more accepting of your DL side but I'm sure there's areas in the relationship where you could improve as well. After 8 years it's nice to get an objective 3rd party in the mix to make sense of it all because it's highly unlikely that either of you are approaching things rationally after this long. In addition a therapist can probably help you see possibilities that neither of you would have considered on your own. Don't think of it as a traditional "head shrink" kind of thing, think of it as going to see a relationship coach.

When we want to get good at something we study it right? You want to be a software engineer, you go to college for computer science. You want to be a lawyer you go to law school. You want to be a doctor, you go to medical school, etc. Unfortunately nobody ever sends us to relationship school, we are just kind of expected to figure things out over time. Maybe it's time to hire a coach so the two of you can learn new tricks.

Best wishes to you and your family.

[Ronnie]

I agree. Make sure you explore every avenue before giving up your marraige and kids. Therapy is a great idea, and who knows maybe your wife being able to discuss your diapers with someone will help ease things even more!

[FunTime]

Sometimes things are simply just not meant to be, no matter how bad you want them. I don't know if leaving your wife and kids (or even just trying to meet up with this woman) would be the best thing to do.

If you're truly concerned and want to figure things out, talk to your wife about it. The worst she'll say is "No, I do not want to participate" but maybe you can work something out for more activities that you enjoy in your household. If it's that important to you, talk about it, but don't go behind her back and do something with someone else.

THAT is unacceptable.

[Three Rivers]

Speaking as someone who has been married for 27+ yrs, I would say stay where you are. Temptation will always be around you in some form or another, you just have to be strong. As stated eariler, the kids will suffer the most and it will have long lasting effects.

In short it's really not worth it. Seek counseling from a professional, and get some spark in your marriage. I believe if you focus on your wife and kids, that all of these other things will melt away. Marriage is for better or worse, and in my opion is a lifetime commitment. It takes work from both partners to make it successful. I wish you success in making this happen.

[CDLover]

I can truly feel your pain. I left a 20+ marriage because I really did meet my soul mate. Looking back is easy, but neither my wife nor I were awake to the fact that our marriage was running on fumes. Had we noticed that before, I believe that through counseling and work, we could have made it. Our problem was that we found out too late. Fortunately, my kids were older than yours. Not that it wasn't without pain for the kids, but the situation was easier.

My advice - from one who has been there and done that - is to run as fast as possible to counseling with your wife and away from your internet friend.

Good luck.

CDL

[Repaid1]

I ditto Three Rivers & CDLover. I will only add on top of the great advice so far something I learned from my divorce...It's Cheaper to keep her! Good luck, and happy holiday.

[PamperBoy]

Terry

Be prepared to loose everything you have. Are you unhappy with your current situation, or do you still love your wife, but just want to be with someone that shares your love of diapers? If the answer is the latter, then it would be foolish of you to leave your family because of this.

I also want to add that my wife understands and accepts my need to wear diapers. She is not into it, and I am okay with that. If I were to come into contact with a woman that was into diapers as much as I am, I would not... no, I could never envision leaving my wife. I love her so much that the thought of hurting her tears me apart inside. This is not something to be taken lightly, as I said before, be prepared to loose everything you have.

[pctrasher]

Not to be harsh or anything, but on one side, you basicaly gave your life to your wife and she did the same for you the day you married. If you aren't happy with her, then you should have never married her, but since you're content, ask yourself whether it could get any worse, and if yes then realize what kind of mistake you made by marrying her. Aside from that, if you once truly loved her, then maybe that love is just hidden and you don't want to forgive her for not participating in your diapers and such. Do what you can to explain the whole situation to her and from the view of social acceptance. She is just complying with social exceptance and has beat into her mind that it is gross and that it's YOUR thing and not hers. Tell you that you love her and maybe having her participate will bring you two closer together. She can't really say that she doesn't like it if she doesn't ever try it or ever truely consider it from a fresh view of it.

And to reply on the internet chick, just drop all contact from her. Depending on her situation, she might just be lonely and desperate, thus if you do run away with her your life would be worse because her want for someone would be fulfilled and unless there is a threat that she will be alone again, she might get very bored and such. Rarely does one marry their first date after giving up for a while (in your case, you are married). So talk to everyone about it that is involved in it and see what they say. There is no way you would be able to make a decesion this big on your own expecially if you ask for help from people who know nothing of your marriage background and lifestyle. It's not as easy as that. Good luck in what ends up happening. And above all GO SEE A MARRIAGE COUNSELOR!!!!!!

[Chad Smith]

you should do whatever you think is right and will make you happy

[Dill_Pickle]

Do you want to do that to your wife and kids? You said it yourself "should I take a chance with my soul mate?" It is only a chance that you will be any happier than you are now, it might be worse. You may start a cycle that will repeat over and over. What's to say that in few years you find another "soul mate" that offers you something that one you left your wife and kids for couldn't? I sure wouldn't want to start a relationship with someone who has a track record of leaving an innocent family.

"The foolish man seeks happiness in the distance, the wise grows it under his feet"

-James Oppenhelm

I don't mean to be cruel or unfeeling, just don't do something you will regret.

-D_Rainger

I'll agree, and add: work on what you have, it has a lot going for it....and a lot to teach you about staying for the long haul. Talk to your wife. Maybe she is just uncomfortable with the whole diaper thing, and diapers need to drop out of the mutual part of your sex life. Raising your kids properly is *very* important, and far more important than your romantic ecstasy, even for your own life. Do you really want to be that jerk that left his children and their mother in the lurch? I'd find that very hard to live with.

Dill Pickle

[Mr. Sea Otter]

To kind of make a long story short my question is I am married and have kids ( 3 ) I have been married for 8 years now

You got married at 18 and now have 3 kids. That might be part of your problem... I totally agree with the dvice you already received. Go seek professional marriage help. You owe yourself, your wife and your kids at least that much.