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Advice for spouse with a husband/spuse as a ABDL

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Blizz    0

I am searching for advice and support. After months of various thoughts rolling around in my head, my husband suggested I look to the forums for some assitance in processing things and maybe some good tips. 

Maybe a little background would be helpful:

My husband has been open to me about being an ABDL for almost 2 years now. We had been married about a year before the conversation started about this part of his life. At times I feel like this has brought us closer (as we are the only ones to really know about this "Secret", which can be fun) and other times I feel like I am constantly struggling to meet his needs and am failing. Part of the issue to me seems to be that I am not always in the headspace to perform "mommy" duties for long periods of time and when he needs/wants to be little "my little" senses it and knows that either a- I am not invested in then little time or b- I ignore his cues to want to be little, which is hurtful to him or c- he isn't satisfied with what I can give him. Sometimes, with time contraints or just plain life, I will incorporate a feel smaller little activities into the day to get him his fix ex: forcing him to wear a diaper on a road trip or talking little to him in public or taking a spin around the toy aisle at the store. But even those small little activities don't seem to satisfy him. He desires more, I can tell from our conversations and his general attitude. I feel like when I am truly in the headspace to be a mommy that we have a real connection, but more often times than not I am not in that headspace. As a nurse, I take care of people and when I get home or on my days off sometimes it is hard to want to take care of more than I have to.

So here is the flood of questions, ready???: Is there a way to get into a better headspace as a mommy? What tips do you have to prep yourself for mommy duties? How often do you do little days or activities with your littles? Do you find it easier to do full day log activities every once in awhile and does that satisfy the need?  When does this get easier? Will this be something I struggle at forever or will it eventually get better (because right now it seems as if for the last 2 years I take a few steps forward and another back all the time). How do you as couples keep the romantic husband/wife relationship alive and still keep the little person inside your loved one satisfied? Any and all advise is appreciated.


And the biggest question: we are at a point in our lives that we may start talking about starting a family in the next few years...how am I to manage his desires and children without becoming burned out or leaving someone feeling like they are missing something (do any of you have children and how do you work it???)

Thank you for any and all help!!!!



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Dill_Pickle    94

"The only difference between men and boys is the price of their toys"

Neither of you should be surprised to find out that after caring for patients at work, you aren't really in the mood to repeat for your husband.  I see a certain mismatch in your degree of sex drive with his, which certainly has been true in my own relationships.

My first relationship was a disaster...ex GF and I got very enmeshed.  There has to be space for both of you in your marriage.  You may find it more satisfying to let him do his own thing by himself until you are ready to join him, you having had a few days to recover from being "mommy".

I'm also thinking you might want to try having you in "mommy" mode with your "little boy" helping out with various household chores, such as cleaning up after dinner and such.  I wouldn't rule that out with more traditionally male chores, such as household or car repairs, either...making those more like play than work.

Unfortunately, my only "child" came into my life when she was 16 or so, as I was becoming romantically involved with her mother.

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Diapers446    14

 Do not take something so wonderful and over think it . Keep talking and ask questions. And just enjoy yourselves.  :D   :wub:  :rolleyes:

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Jilly Poo    80

Again, the key to these problems is always communication.  You need to share with him how you feel and ask him to give you ideas on how you can improve the experience for the both of you.

In addition to that, maybe mark a date/time on the calendar that works for the both of you.  Schedule a Little day when you know that you won't be exhausted from working all day and perhaps set some rules like:  Mop the floor and you can have a bottle.  Do & Fold the laundry for a day in diapers.  Mow the lawn (if you have one) for an outing.  Make dinner or do the dishes for a bubble bath by Mommy.   While he does some of the chores, you can relax and get into the proper head space needed to take over as Mommy.

As for when you have kids.  His being little may have to be reserved for time alone in the bedroom once the kid(s) get a little older but in the beginning, it might actually help you connect in a way with him as a Mommy because it will come more naturally with the real baby.  Again, using your Mommy powers to make sure chores are done before the little comes out to play will be a big help.

As for the rest of your questions, that is just something you will have to work out with your little.  He needs to respect you and since you seem to be willing to play Mommy to his Little, than just be ready to set the rules and he might actually find it is more fun than he ever knew.


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herb330    6

It is also important that both of you enjoy the time and make it pleasurable.  Especially during changing an bathing time

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cruxshadow    14

Well. I'm a DL, and not an AB, so I can't really vouch for the mindset, but would a time out work for when he is too needy and you want a break? I mean, if he truly is your little, and apparently has submissive tendencies, then it's not always up to him, right? Couldn't that kill two birds with one stone?

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Fulldiaper    80

Many women feel the ABDL is an insult or an attack to their feminity as a woman. Knowing you were married a year before he confided in you may make you resent it subconsciencely. Communicating now and making sure that the ABDL doesn't over shadow your needs,wants or desires as a woman. If you're dominant, you can use this to your advantage. In  a Female Led Relationship the ABDL doesn't wield all the power. Taking the next step, whether it's a family or you dominating him with his Fetish and turning it to your favor; is your choice. If the diapers turn him on, find something about it that excites you, whether it's a Power Exchange with you controlling his diaper wearing and using or the lack thereof, find your POWER and use it to your advantage!

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