square_duck Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 For fathers day... A fathers day joke becomes bad when it becomes aparent. ? I bought some shoes from a drug dealer, and I don't know what he laced them with, but I was trippin' all day ? Why did Cinderella get kicked off the football team??? Because she kept running from the ball! ? How did Darth Vader know what Luke got him for Christmas??? He felt his presents....? It goes on..... https://www.edinburghnews.scotsman.com/whats-on/arts-and-entertainment/125-best-dad-jokes-2020-funny-cringeworthy-and-downright-bad-jokes-will-make-you-laugh-fathers-day-2887478 Link to comment
BabyJune Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 My former (blonde) boss came into my office one day and said, "Can I use your Dictaphone?" I told her, "Why don't you just use the telephone like everyone else?" 1 Link to comment
dyperbole Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 6 hours ago, BabyJune said: My former (blonde) boss came into my office one day and said, "Can I use your Dictaphone?" I told her, "Why don't you just use the telephone like everyone else?" Reminds me a bit of the old joke about what the surgical procedure is called to turn a woman into a man: "addadictome". Not sure that joke is politically correct anymore, though. 1 Link to comment
Little BabyDoll Christine Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 Would a dictator be a phallic spud? 1 Link to comment
dyperbole Posted June 19, 2020 Share Posted June 19, 2020 My favorite scene from Ghostbusters that didn't have to do with Sigourney Weaver: Dr. Stantz : Everything was fine with our system until the power grid was shut off by "Dickless" here. Peck : They caused an explosion! Mayor : Is this true? Dr. Venkman : Yes it's true. This man has no dick. Peck : AUGH!!! Mayor : Break it up! Hey, break this up! Break it up! Dr. Venkman : Well, that's what I heard! Link to comment
DL-Boy Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 I like another Dan Acroyd joke alongside fellow SNL member, Chevy Chase on "Spies Like Us". Fitzhume (Chevy Chase) [hears a noise]: Did you hear that? Milbarge (Dan Acroyd): Sounds like a "dikfer". Fitzhume: What's a "dikfer"? Milbarge: To pee with. 1 Link to comment
dyperbole Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 I remember Richard Pryor's bit on Nixon possibly going to jail: (Inmates) "are waiting for Nixon, man.....'What's Happening, Tricky Dick???!?? Yeah.....We're gonna see how tricky you are!'" Link to comment
dyperbole Posted June 20, 2020 Share Posted June 20, 2020 At the bar last night, a woman got her nipple pierced right in front of me. On a related note, I suck at darts. 2 Link to comment
square_duck Posted June 21, 2020 Share Posted June 21, 2020 What do Atilla the Hun and Winnie the Pooh have in common..??? they share the same middle name. ? Link to comment
square_duck Posted June 22, 2020 Share Posted June 22, 2020 What did the Dali Lama say when he ordered a sandwich at Subway??? "Make me one with everything" ? Qwack 1 Link to comment
square_duck Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 Whats the least spoken language??? sign language... ? Link to comment
Little BabyDoll Christine Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 What about body language? Link to comment
BabyJune Posted June 23, 2020 Share Posted June 23, 2020 A priest, a minister and a rabbi are walking down the street. The priest and the minister walk into a bar. The rabbi ducked down. Link to comment
dyperbole Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 What do we want?!!?!? Low Flying Plane Noises!!!! When do we want them?!!?!? NEEEEYOOOOOOOOW!!!! 2 Link to comment
square_duck Posted June 24, 2020 Share Posted June 24, 2020 My life used to be like the "hokey pokey" ...... But then I turned myself around....? You hear about the track and field runner who dreaded the hurtles???? He got over it. ? Link to comment
square_duck Posted June 25, 2020 Share Posted June 25, 2020 What do gou call a load of toilets on a railroad car...???? a potty train, of coarse ? Link to comment
BabyJune Posted June 25, 2020 Share Posted June 25, 2020 What do you get when you cross Pink Floyd with Ex-Lax? Band on the Run. (I know they didn't write that one, but it fits the joke). Link to comment
Little BabyDoll Christine Posted June 25, 2020 Share Posted June 25, 2020 What do you get when you cross the Doors with Christine Jorgensen 1 Link to comment
DL-Boy Posted June 25, 2020 Share Posted June 25, 2020 7 hours ago, BabyJune said: What do you get when you cross Pink Floyd with Ex-Lax? Band on the Run. (I know they didn't write that one, but it fits the joke). Wouldn't that work with "Paul McCartney and Wings" and ExLax? 1 Link to comment
dyperbole Posted June 25, 2020 Share Posted June 25, 2020 Reminds me of Motley Cruex and their hit, "Scratchin' in the Boy's Room". (For you younguns out there, Cruex is or was an over the counter medicine to help cure jock itch.) Link to comment
Little BabyDoll Christine Posted June 25, 2020 Share Posted June 25, 2020 8 hours ago, BabyJune said: What do you get when you cross Pink Floyd with Ex-Lax? Band on the Run. (I know they didn't write that one, but it fits the joke). You could get the album DARK SIDE OF THE LOO 1 Link to comment
Little BabyDoll Christine Posted June 26, 2020 Share Posted June 26, 2020 With the single THE LOO-NATIC IS IN THE HALL Link to comment
dyperbole Posted June 28, 2020 Share Posted June 28, 2020 A man walks into a library and says to the librarian, "Do you have that book for men with small penises?" The librarian looks on her computer and says, "I don’t know if it's in yet." "Yeah, that's the one!" Link to comment
square_duck Posted June 30, 2020 Share Posted June 30, 2020 Before my surgery, the anesthesiologist offered to knock me out with gas or a boat paddle. It was an ether/oar situation. 2 Link to comment
dyperbole Posted June 30, 2020 Share Posted June 30, 2020 The female janitor in my building asked if I would smoke some weed with her. I said no; I can't deal with high maintenance women. 1 Link to comment
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