Telling your Significant Other

[Jswill]

So I dont know if this has been covered on other threads but I need some advice. I have started the 24/7 program for about a month. I have done the program several times before but never quite finished. Also I am now married. I havent done the program since getting married before. How do I tell her that I want to wear diapers? My original plan was to try to get to a point of dependence on my own first so that once I told her and if she insisted i go to a doc I can go with OAB. But im worried that because i have to be secretive I cant be nearly as effective in the program as I would like. Namely I cant wear to bed at night unless its a cloth diaper which seems to leak way more. Plan B is a bit more extreme and involves me just wetting the bed and having a few accidents around her so that I can just say I need them and she will see the sense. IDK what do yall guys think?

[AwakenEvil]

Maybe you should have told her before you started a relationship that lead to marriage but since we are here I would say try being honest with her, and bringing your fetish desires to her attention. I assume since she married you, that she does love you. I am sure you can both work through this. I would also say be prepared for her to be upset that you have lied about a

[Spargano]

I am going to sound like a hypocrite because I lied to my wife .... But you are going to have to come clean.

The difference between us was that I told her I have had OAB urgency incontinence early in the dating. She knew about my diapers and so I could work on the program without too much fear.

You can't just start needing diapers out of the blue that indicates something serious which she will want you to get checked out... Having accidents like that will cause her to send you to the hospital. They will catch your lie. The only realistic lie is OAB but it cannot be an out and out lie, you need the symptoms.

Unless you can be honest with her you should probably start going to the bathroom every thirty minutes over the course of several months. Then, after several months bring it up to her that you have been going to the bathroom a lot. During that time you could still work on reverse kegels so that hopefully by the time you bring it up you legitimately have OAB. Then you can go to the doctor during one of your physicals and complain about the urgency. Then you can continue using the bathroom every half hour and work on every twenty minutes. After a solid year of this you can have your first accident. She knows about your issue, it built up slowly (though waaaay faster than most ic folk) and you can progress from there. Most of the ic people I read about in forums graduated from small leaks to borrowing their wife's pad to the larger pads, to pull-ups, eventually to diapers/condom catheter or urinal. Your wife might want you to try the condom caths before she is comfortable with diapers. You will need to have a good reason to switch (there are plenty on incontinencesupport.org)

Basically you will have to either be honest, or wait 1-2 years to seriously start the program.

What HAVE you told your wife?

Spargano

[Spargano]

As far as wetting the bed.... I hope you are ready to buy a new mattress when you wet it. My advice for that is the same with the day wetting unless you can come clean. Find a way to wake yourself up 1-2 times every night to go to the washroom. Not every night at first, maybe twice a week for 2 months, then every week. After about 6-8 months of this, then you can consider wetting the bed for your plan b. but honestly I don't know how you are going to hide a vibrating alarm from her for 8 months....

Spargano

[Jswill]

Ok let me fill in some of the holes so I don't look like a complete jackass. Although many of you have good and wise points.

She does know that I have had some wetting issues in the past. They were from when I was younger. And in conversations when we were dating I did tell her that I liked the idea of diapers and she really didnt comment one way or the other. Then about 4 months ago she noticed the edge of my diaper poking out from my pants and asked me about it.i was beat red and super embarrassed. I Said I was having dribbling issues (which was true). She asked if I need to see a doctor and I said no. The truth is I have had minor wetring issues in the past but nothing really that I would consider diagnosable.

Ok so it looks like I need to just twll her this is what I want and go from there.

Anyone else tried that and had success?

[Hookedondiapers]

Like everyone said, you need to be honest and tell her.

[DavidMW]

I Said I was having dribbling issues (which was true). She asked if I need to see a doctor and I said no. The truth is I have had minor wetring issues in the past but nothing really that I would consider diagnosable.

[Jswill]

Thanks for the help guys,

[babylin]

I wish you .......

[Spargano]

When talking to your wife have you ever brought up wearing diapers to treat your condition (I hope you have insurance now)? Personally, having wet underwear constantly and rashes would be enough to drive me crazy. I hate hate hate rashes down there due to sweat or water which I got a lot when mowing yards as a business when a kid or seeming every trip to the water park. Seems like a natural departure point for your conversation

Spargano

[Jswill]

Yes I have thought of that and was considering that being my jumping off point. The hard part I think will be the staying diapered part. Im wondering if she might say that is fine until we go see a doc or something. Then I was going ti say I dont want to be taking medicine my whole life and I would prefer to just wear protection and see how it goes.

[BriGuy]

Be honest open, positive, and confident. And for goodness sakes be transparent to your wife!

[babyleanna75]

Just be honest with her if you are having dribbling issues tell your wife the truth that you would rather wear diapers than take meds. As for no insurance I hope you get some soon or you will pay a big fine and they will add it to your taxreturn.

[Jswill]

I would have to agree, honesty is the best policy and thats why im going to talk with her today or tomorrow. Thanks for the help and wish me luck. Also it would be great to hear others stories and experiences telling close friends and family

[babyleanna75]

I told some friends and they didnt believe me till I showed the the top of my diaper they didnt say much.

[Spargano]

I would have to agree, honesty is the best policy and thats why im going to talk with her today or tomorrow. Thanks for the help and wish me luck. Also it would be great to hear others stories and experiences telling close friends and family

I either hope the conversation went well or that you have strength as you embark on it. Either way, please let us know.

My coming out conversation happened while dating. She mentioned she didn't know what she would do when pregnant because she had a small bladder as it was. She joked maybe she would have to wear diapers.

I am a bad poker player because she could see I was uncomfortable. I had lost a relationship because of telling the woman two years prior so I was sure I was done, but by that time I knew I could not live without my diapers so I embarrassingly told her I have a medical problem and I have to wear protection.

"What, like a diaper?"

"Yes."

"Are you wearing one now?"

"Yeah."

"Oh my God, really!?"

"Yeah."

"You're not a diaper lover are you?"

"Excuse me?" I was shocked she knew the term.

"A guy at work (she works with special needs kids and had changed a LOT of diapers) said he is a diaper lover. He looks at people's butts to see if they're wearing a diaper."

I could kind of read a trace of dislike in her voice so I figured I should definitely not say I am a diaper lover, but that guy is creepy.

What followed was an awkward conversation where I said I was embarrassed by it but I have dealt with it for years.

I left her house that night thinking our relationship was done.

That night I texted her and said, "are we ok?"

"Why wouldn't we be?"

"I thought you would be disgusted..."

"Sorry, you're stuck with me :)"

After that there have been ups and downs but she supports me and after two years of marriage we are closer than I can believe. That is the only lie I have ever or will ever tell her.

Given that my training has progressed and I now have green light from my physician and have told her mother, I think I am fine and if, in the future I tell her I enjoy my diapers I can say it has been a coping mechanism. Which is what the diapers were for me at the start.

Good luck and I pray all goes well!

Spargano

[Jswill]

UPDATE: So I finally worked up the courage to tell her. Its one of those things once its been said you wonder why you made such a big deal of it in your head. I just said hey I have wetting issues and I would rather not take medicine for it so sometimes im going to be wearing protection. She said no problem! So the first big step is done. Now I dont have to worry about wearing around her. I still probably wont stock diapers in my dresser drawer just yet but Im glad to be over this big hump.

[babyleanna75]

Told you honesty is the best option, though some significant others may leave you but that just says they really didn't love you. I am glad things worked out ok for you. And have fun diapered. I have several friends on Expdrience Project that werent honest about their diaper wearing either for IC or wearing for fun and their relationships are rocky or non at all cause of the lieing or hidding thier diapers. So honesty is the best answer even though you could be setting yourself up for rejection.