Another person traveling towards Incontinence

[Spargano]

well good news bad new...

My wife is right.. I snore like a freight train. The good news I may not have sleep apnea, but given I sleep on my stomach mostly it is harder to read. I woke up like 6 times there and it was not fun in the slightest...

[incondl]

I'm extremely surprised that they didn't terminate the study based on having a cold and make it for a later date. Very odd indeed.

[Spargano]

I'm extremely surprised that they didn't terminate the study based on having a cold and make it for a later date. Very odd indeed.

I know. I called them ans asked the day of.... they said, come anyway if you can breath. It got progressively worse after that. I went to the doctor Friday and am antibiotics for an upper respiratory infection for 10 days.

[incondl]

well good news bad new...

My wife is right.. I snore like a freight train. The good news I may not have sleep apnea, but given I sleep on my stomach mostly it is harder to read. I woke up like 6 times there and it was not fun in the slightest...

[Spargano]

I did have the hookups but she ran them over my pants and shirt, connected to two belts she wrapped around my chest and stomach so she never had to look inside my pants. She said that to be considered true sleep apnea I would need to stop breathing for 10 seconds and that it would need to be more than 5 times an hour. Apparently I did not stop that many times and the cold should have made it worse she said. She also said snoring isn't a guarantee of apnea.

I did not get to see the report yet so I am not sure about the details. Supposedly I will hear from my doctor within a week with information.

But I agree. They should have sent me home and rescheduled. Thanks for your concern!

Spargano

[Spargano]

Well, I am possibly needlessly worried again... I have a pastor friend with whom I went to seminary for six years coming to stay with me five days. For years whenever I would hang out with him I would hide my diaper, which wasn't hard as I would only stay a day or two with him, and most of the time I could change privately. Given that he will be in my house, hiding my used diapers will be difficult.

[adhb]

First, I don't really understand why you need to tell him. Assuming that your wife is cooperative and that you live in a reasonably spacious rectory, you should be able to change in private and handle both new and used diapers discretely at home. And if you wear a high capacity diaper during the day and drink only moderate amounts of fluids, you probably won't need to change away from home.

The only people outside my family that I've ever needed to tell were colleagues with whom I had to share a hotel room and buddies with whom I went on camping trips. Telling a someone about one's incontinence isn't easy. But the guys I needed to tell treated it in a matter of fact way. I didn't make a big deal of it, and neither did they. I would think your experience would be similar. Don't clergy treat each other as well as other people do?

[Spargano]

Thanks for the response! I don't live in a rectory. I live in a small two bedroom house. With my wife still in Chicago it is going to be just my friend and I in the house, sharing one bathroom between the two bedrooms. Five days of dirty diapers would stink and I don't want to him to be exposed to that if I just try to hide the diapers in my room.

[adhb]

Spargano,

Hmm. Your living quarters sound more spartan than those of most of the Anglican priests that I know.

I told the guys I had to tell face to face. IMHO, phoning somebody to tell them about a health problem would constitute making a bigger deal of it than face to face conversation. A phone call might also imply less trust in the other guy.

I've had to tell work colleagues twice. We were planning work related business trips and needed to share hotel rooms to save money. I just took the matter in hand and told them about my medical problem and how I handled it. The conversations took maybe two minutes. During the trips, I can't recall that we discussed it at all. I handled my diapers, and they let me do so. No big deal. Before and during the camping trips, it was pretty much the same deal, except that, when it's pouring rain all day, a tent affords less privacy than a hotel room.

Good luck!

[Guest fakename7]

One approach is to say nothing at all, and let him make whatever assumptions he will.

[Spargano]

One approach is to say nothing at all, and let him make whatever assumptions he will.

[Bettypooh]

One can never know how someone will react to anything until they do that so be prepared for things to go in any direction because they can. Having a cancer scare will change your outlook on a lot of things in life, especially because you know that it can always come back with a vengeance any time without warning It does tend to make you more tolerant of others; you are certainly more aware of their value in your life My own approach (not yet needed) is the common "I need them and I don't want to discuss it" idea. With family who know my past, I'll go a bit further but for the rest that is all they need to know so that's all they will get until I see how they react YMMV

[Spargano]

*SIGH* My wife is over-ruling me. She thinks I can hide it.

[adhb]

Spargano,

If your wife is ashamed of your disability, that sounds like a serious problem to me, the kind of problem that could affect the longevity of your relationship. I'm very sorry to hear about that.

[Spargano]

Spargano,

If your wife is ashamed of your disability, that sounds like a serious problem to me, the kind of problem that could affect the longevity of your relationship. I'm very sorry to hear about that.

I appreciate your concern for my marriage, but I should point out two things,

[adhb]

Spargano,

I very much hope that your wife's feelings about your incontinence will develop in the ways you predict. My concern was based ion my own experience with my first marriage. My wife was a nurse who seemed to fully understand and accept my incontinence when we got married. However, over them years, her attitude changed. Eventually, her feelings of shame and her inability to understand why was not as ashamed of my condition as she thought I should be became serious problems that were important factors in the situation that eventually led to a breakup. There were other issues as well, but the acceptance problem was probably the most important.

I understand firsthand the kind of scrutiny to which ministers and their families are subjected. I grew up in a Protestant minister's household in a small town. The unrelenting scrutiny of the people in the congregation and, even worse, the fear of that scrutiny were the bane of my childhood. You have my sympathy.

[Spargano]

I am so sorry that she felt that way . I do pray my wife doesn't get to that point. But so far she is right. I have been able to hide it for two and a half days. She said she views it as an intensely private matter and I understand that. I think her fear is less shame than concern for my well being.

I am blessed to have her and the two of us have worked hard through some tough things.

And I just need to accept reality, I might not be able to achieve the kind of incontinence I want. I do have OAB now as I can go 16 times a day with normal hydration. A lot of OAB people descend towards total ic slowly anyway.

Given I have a doctor who has no issue with my treatment method and my wife is understanding I can afford to take my time and just enjoy the ride. Who knows... I might get there faster with a carefree attitude.

As always, thanks for the support

Spargano

[Inconito]

Spargano,

[Spargano]

Normal hydration means sipping water throughout the day. I think it is close to a gallon, sometimes less. The only time I go long without peeing 2-3 hours is when I drink absolutely nothing.

When i pee, it is usually 1 1/2 cups to to 2 cups of liquid. If my bladder starts spasming like it did yesterday, it can be anything from 1/4 of a cup to a few drops every 5-15 minutes. My general pacing seems to be 30 to 90 minutes between voids.

To help hide my diapers I decided to use the toilet while my friend was visiting, but by the end of the day the front of my diaper was wet each day so I might have severe post-urination drip for the diaper to be that wet up front. My friend did comment that I go to the bathroom a lot and I said I have OAB. I didn't mention diapers but if it ever comes up in the future he knows I have a condition.

How have you been, Inconito? Have t heard from you in a while? How are you progressing?

Spargano

[Inconito]

Hi Spargano,

[Baby Brian]

Incognito, congrats. You just figured out what I've been saying for years now. Using premium diapers not only means you have to worry about leaks less, but you have to change less often too. That means you will end up spending less on diapers overall too.

On a side note, are you sure you're taking in enough water each day? That's supposed to be the old 8- 8oz. of water per day, but now they're saying it should be even more than that for a lot of people. That's about what I take in and I usually have to change my molicare supers at least two or three times daily and use a thick cloth diaper for over night.

[Thad]

hi, gonna chime in for a sec, i only drink 6, 8 oz glasses of water a day and get the pale yellow/ almost clear. however i live in the desert in Las Vegas and will be upping my intake gradually for when summer hits. at that time i'll be downing 2 maybe more 64 oz bottles of water in old juice containers that i use. i hardly get to wear but i got the water part down pat, lol

[Inconito]

Incognito, congrats. You just figured out what I've been saying for years now. Using premium diapers not only means you have to worry about leaks less, but you have to change less often too. That means you will end up spending less on diapers overall too.

On a side note, are you sure you're taking in enough water each day? That's supposed to be the old 8- 8oz. of water per day, but now they're saying it should be even more than that for a lot of people. That's about what I take in and I usually have to change my molicare supers at least two or three times daily and use a thick cloth diaper for over night.

[Spargano]

I can tell when I have not been drinking as much water as I have to, since my pee stings a bit. The specific day I was talking about, I'd only drank like 3 mugs of coffee throughout the day (Just as I did way before embarking on this journey) and 1.5 liters of water maybe a bit more, but roughly 2.2 liters of fluid that day – spread out for the whole day. Today the same thing, and I still seem to wet once every hour if I drink regularly... and in smaller quantaties.

That's what happens to me too. Drinking enough so that the urine doesn't burn the skin is a legitimate concern. Still, I am pumped you are making great progress. I want to get to dribbling too and I wonder if I ever will. I think I might have urinary retention or a blockage from back when I played with catheters.

[Spargano]

Not much to report in progress, about the same .