Christmas Time, Please Lord Help Me! (This Is A Long Vent)

[Repaid1]

So what is worse? The hectic schedules and rushing around, the stress of the holidays getting presents and shopping. Waking up early for the kids screaming about SANTA! The look in your wifes face wondering how are we going to get through this?

or Living alone in a basement bedroom cold, with nothing to eat, no money in your pocket and no place to go to if you did?

Well right now I am living the second, and I had the first for so many years. I will tell you, those lucky enough to have a resemblance to the first. Better love it while you can and cherish those days!!!

In the last week I went from somewhat happy with a girlfriend and her small child. Things were tough but we managed to eek out somewhat of a existence together.

A little background, I receive a small set some of disability each month, out of that I rent a room (At my old home no less) it leaves me about $55 a month after to eat, buy diapers (which I need) and to travel via the transit system to doctors appointments. If your saying "there is no way anyone could live on $55 a month for that" Well your right, but I manage to do it month to month after month. I eat about every other day or two, maybe a hot pocket or a frozen burrito, sometimes a dollar sandwich at McDonalds when I think I can't take it anymore (Hey a guy has to splurge)

I get Depends when they are on sale, other times I walk around to the thrift store and see what they might have. I have one pocket diaper that I have four cloth baby diapers for. I use that and cheap thrift store diapers to get along.

I don't have to pay utilities on top (Thank-GOD!) and I have use of the washer/dryer outside my room so that helps if I don't have diapers and wet myself.

Anyway, I spent alot of time over at my girlfriends and although I don't want to mooch, I have ate a meal with them a time or two. I feel and felt useless during this time as I couldn't afford a night out with her. And when she broke her cell phone last month she used her money to replace it (get back to this later). So anyway she didn't have money to buy much for her child for Christmas (she is set on income too) and being as he was only 5, it was stressing her out.

I decided to do something I have only done very few times in the past. I sold my medication to get extra money to surprise her and him come Christmas day! Now granted I could do this every month, do with out the meds and actually eat once a day, but really never have, and I guess it's just the type of person I was raised to be.

Anyway I came to my place to get some things in order and to check in with the couple that has "My" house. No one was home, then a knock on the door. It was the landlord, putting a eviction notice up. I spoke with him for a few minutes and he said that they have only been paying half rent for a few months (Hopefully that was my half I gave them) He told me I was a loyal tenant and hated to do this. I asked him if he could give me a little time to figure something out, maybe get another roommate or something. He just shuck his head and said he had to do what he had to do. I handed him the $200 dollars I just got and said could this get me to the end of the month or something? He took the money and said Tim, I will do what I can.

So now, I went from being somewhat happy about Christmas, to at the bottom of a pit. My head swirled, and I just went downstairs to cry for a spell. When my girlfriend called twice I didn't answer. Finally two days ago she said are we done?

I was down so low and depressed, not just me, but over the plans I had made to give her and her son a Christmas, I made up a fight with her. I told her what was so damn important about a damn cell phone that she had to forgo Christmas for that little boy. Names were called, and I cried to myself on the other end. I finally hung up after she made fun of my diapers and living in a basement.

I thought so long about just ending it. But knew that wasn't a fix for anyone. So this year, I will be in my basement, alone except for four walls to comfort me and this damn computer that I should have sold/pawned months ago. No meals or parties, no presents to give, let alone receive. Wondering why life has to be such a BITCH! I was so looking forward to that little R/C Helicopter I had picked out for Timmy

So when you think life has you down remember little Timmy (my little side) alone, hungry, and crying on Christmas day remembering what it was like to believe in Santa, have a mommy, and a nice dry diaper. and wake up to the joy that was once Christmas.

I wish you and yours the most joyous of Holidays. Eat a cookie for Timmy!

/end rant

[Codymoogle]

I sent you an email to the link in your signature, let me know in a board PM or email reply when you get it please.

~ Cody, AKA moogle

[alex 04]

so wish i could do something to help you repaid but your not on my side of the pond

my life not been great for the past 6 months but am safe have a roof over my head

[Bettypooh]

My life hasn't been great either, but it pales in comparison to this....especially at Christmas....especially for someone like Timmy who really deserves better than this.

Hope it gets better soon Timmy

Bettypooh

[lilJester]

you can put me on the second one as well. I don't have anyone of my own, just myself. i live in a basement, and half the time i don't eat unless i get a free meal from work. *shrugs* sure i buy a pizza now and then but meh that's once every 3 weeks maybe...... i live off a dollar menu basically.

[BabyTara]

Repaid, I messaged you.

[Repaid1]

My Email link doesn't work anymore, that was when I was married. Working on fixing it now. I wasn't the focus of the thread BTW. But I appreciate all the kind thoughts and words.

EDIT: OKay the link should be fixed to my real new one now.

[Guest *~Andi~*]

I think I know who the focus of the thread was. It takes others to open peoples eyes sometimes that we dont always have it as bad as we think we do. Sometimes we need to appreciate the things we do have. We should all be more mindful of that.

[Repaid1]

BINGO We have a winner...wanna try for the wedding diapers thread question now???

[Guest *~Andi~*]

@ repaid. thank you repaid. Im sorry. Youre right. I have a lot to be thankful for. Sometimes I let my emotions cloud things, its been a hard year and things have just gotten too much but others can always have it worse. My apologies to everyone for being such a horrid grinch. I will try to be a better baby girl now

*hugs repaid*

[sarah_ab]

repaid, in almost every state if you are on SSI/SSDI you automatically qualify for food stamps and often housing assistance.

I would definitely go down to your social services office and inquire about qualifying for food stamps, housing etc...

[Repaid1]

repaid, in almost every state if you are on SSI/SSDI you automatically qualify for food stamps and often housing assistance.

I would definitely go down to your social services office and inquire about qualifying for food stamps, housing etc...

I am on VA disability, and that is a whole different ball game around here. Everytime I have tried to go down for assistance it's "oh you need this" or " you didn't bring that" It cost me 4 days worth of food to take the bus back and forth for one trip! When you try and nail them down to a list or something on what exactly you need to get what..you get the blank stare, and then the cold shoulder. How dare I make them actually do any work! All over the place I see people driving Escalades and having smartphones more powerful than my computer, yet nothing is required from them but a address and a bill, maybe a ID, don't know as I have never made it that far. So I return home abandoned by the system, and fall deeper into depression.

But the VA is so much different! Because there you get to see a counselor after a two hour wait, who listens to your story, makes faces and tsk..tsks. then takes you by the hand, to office after office, all who listen to you and make calls to numbers where nobody answers so they make notes on post-its. till finally you are ushered out the door with a hardy handshake and they will handle it you will hear from us soon. No calls ever come, and when you call back that kind soul, they never answer either, or return your message. I have actively pursued my issue for over a year and a half. Nothing has or will change unless I get legal representation, which I can't afford and I have tried to find someone to take a percentage of my back settlement to no avail. So for me the system works apparently, for others, but not the ones who need it. Thanks but no thanks!

[square_duck]

I do hope that your holiday is as decent as possible I'm sorry that our Government treats vets this way, especially ones who put themselves in harms way and are injured as a result. After risking everything, all they get in return is a "thanks and don't call us we'll call you" kind of BS We ought to be ashamed of this, as one Ad used to say "we ask for a few good men" but when they get them, and are done with them, they all but toss them out into the trash..What kind of raw deal is that??

I'll message you and see what can be worked out for the short term......

{{{{HUGS!!!}}} I'm sorry you have had to spend Christmas this way

[Dill_Pickle]

So Repaid, what city are you in?

[Repaid1]

Columbus, Ohio (more or less)

[Dill_Pickle]

Repaid

I think you made a strategic mistake when your landlord paniced you into paying rent and fighting with your ladyfriend. Apologise to her if you can and come to an understanding...because if you werent spending that money on your roof, you would have more to share. Fundamentally, living by yourself is expensive.

I also heard an interesting phrase this week about some younger people: "Couch Surfing", which referred to a practice of locating couches to stay on for a week or so at a time on Craigslist.

[Repaid1]

I don't live by myself, I rent the down stairs apartment in my old home from a new couple. I pay half the rent and no utilities. They got behind and didn't tell me. I was staying over at the girlfriends most of the time anyway. But I still had to keep the saftey of having my own place as she is bi polar and tends to "loose it" from time to time each month.

She is on SSI and actually lives at her fathers house that requires some tending after. So she gives most of her check to him as well to have a place for herself and son. It's a bit of a soap opera I know. But they place where I am has been my home for about 17 years. It keeps me somewhat sane to have my surroundings the same to me and know that whatever my financial situation I still have my own little spot in the world that is mine.

I have spoke to the couple at length and they assure me they are communication to with the landlord to rectify the back rent and pay me back what I paid. They both have new jobs now and the money seems to be flowing back in. The landlord has not contacted me since, so I am hoping that they are right and all will be solved soon. I am quite sure he would have called me if there wasn't something in the works as I have been a good tenant of his for going on 10 years. So as it is, I may still have my house and "room".

On a second note.. I received the Kroger card and bought me some food for the month, and a nice strip steak for the nite tonight. So thank-you..you know who you are

[square_duck]

[Valisia]

Glad to hear everything is getting back to normal for you

Just keep smiling and looking up

[Repaid1]

Glad to hear everything is getting back to normal for you

Just keep smiling and looking up

Not quite back to normal, and normal wasn't that good to begin with And looking up is about the only direction I can look right now.

[Dill_Pickle]

Repaid, it comes to me that you can write...i think you should talk to your local Salvation army about using it to solve your eating problems....