I Think I Am Pushing My Guy Too Much.

[annee]

We have talked about my desires and he has been totally on board with it. But I think he feels ashamed about his. He has told me how much he loves being mothered and being treated like a child by me. But he has been under a lot of stress lately. So he seems to think I am not going to respect him as a man. I know his mother was a cold person I also know she always put him down and anything he wanted to. Maybe some of the ways I want to interact with him is touching something off in his head. I want to have a kind of mother son relationship with him. He has told me he loves me being his mother. But I think I maybe pushing him too hard. I have been dreaming of him becoming totally dependent on me. Just as an 8 year old would be. I even daydream of him being incontinence and be dependent on me like a child who needs his mother. I know this seems a bit crazy but I unlike his mom never wanted to stop taking care of my kids. I felt bad when my son stopped wetting the bed. I used to check him during the night to see if he needed changed. I know it was for the best when he was 8 he stopped. But I did feel depressed that he no longer needed to be diapered at night. I hate to say this but I still diapered him at night till he turned 9. I told him at the time I was just being careful. Now I want to turn my boyfriend into my son who will always need his mom. I never would have come up with this idea if he had not told me about his diaper fetish. The thing is I want him to wear diapers all the time. He likes most of this. But he is not into being diapered when we are out of the house. Bottom line I want to unpotty train him and he is not comfortable with it. I am around him most of the day. I just want him to be as dependent on me as I can make him. I know this is a bit taboo but it is a free country and it is not going to hurt anyone.

[dprby162]

Hi Annee. While I admire your love and passion, I agree that you may be pushing him too hard. I lost the love of my life due to pushing her too hard with my diaper fetish and regret it every day. I would say take things slow, at his pace. Eventually, you might end up where you want to be anyway.

[Eir]

Anee, I think you should back off a bit. Ask if he will let you diaper him on friday night, spend every other saturday as a baby, or something to that effect. If he likes babytalk, play it up as much as you can, kiss him on the cheeks, etc.

[diaperedandspanked]

Take it slow...your both lucky to have such a great relationship.

[sarah_ab]

I am going to be straight up... when am i not.. you say your mothering him may have touched something in regards to his own mother... but it sounds like you are using him as a surrogate for not being able to let go of the feelings you had for hte time when your son needed you more. I mean you forced.. yes forced him from what you say, to stay in diapers an entire year after he needed them at night because of your own need to be needed... and now you are coming on to strong to your boyfriend for what could be the same need... Its great you both enjoy it, and are both getting something out of it... but perhaps you need to learn to be ok even if no one is depending on you for all their care.... its ok to not take care of other people, they still love you and want to be with you, even if they don't need you to care for every aspect of them....

perhaps this is why he is backing off, because he is feeling you are coming on WAY to strong and perhaps your motivations are not in sync.... if his desire is more sexual, and yours is more non sexual this could be causing him some difficulty in fulfilling his needs while try not to ruin your fantasy....

[timmyc]

I know a lot of guys would love to be in his spot, personally I don't think I would ever want to be in diapers always or unpotty trained. I could see though having a 24/7 mommy even I was only in diapers part of the time. Mommy makes the rules and decides appropriate punishments and if I wanted to, or needed to be in diapers she would take care of me. I am kind of a sometimes diapered 6 year, not a full on baby. That is just me, I don't know your BF or what is interests are but I can see it being too much all at once. Maybe save diapers as reward for good behavior, (or a punishment if he likes that angle). I hope you find a good happy medium, because you sound like an awesome mommy, and your guy is very lucky.

[Honu]

Please don't worry about being "a bit crazy". Normal is a setting on my washing machine and it gets a lot of use! As others advised, take it slow and keep in mind that it's between consenting adults. With time, understanding, and open communication you could get what you want! You will have to find out what he wants and try to give him that. Yes, I know that he wants to be in diapers, but there is so much more he needs to tell you about the kind of Mommy he wants. You have a good start by knowing what his issues were as young boy. Between what he wants from you and what is very out of bounds, there is room to be flexible and negotiate.

Good luck!

[Bettypooh]

Sarah says it well Something every parent- including ABDL ones- have to do is learn to let go, then do it. Unless your 'baby' really wants it, they have to have their own life their own way too It's evident in your post that you have problems letting go like this

So now that it's in the open, lets see what some solutions are. First is turning the ultimate control over to the 'baby'- let them have the ability to say "No' when they want that. Talk it over and come to an agreement that you can both live with about how often it can be said and how long it will have effect. You have your own needs too so "No" can't always be an option and it cannot last so long that you feel hurt

Another possibility is working with an agreed-upon schedule- you both get the time you need even of it isn't when you always want it. If you do this you both lose that ability to say "No" so be prepared for that. It will be inconvenient for both of you at times if you choose this method

Or you can choose to do it only when it's mutual; one makes the offer which the other can accept or decline without reprisal

Honest communication is what makes relationships work. Honesty can hurt sometimes but as long as hurt wasn't intended you just have to deal with it. Both of you have needs that must be met somehow and that must be allowed for well enough so that you can both get by. Make sure that you both have the ability to open an honest conversation when you need to or in the end it won't work out and you both will lose

Bettypooh

[Repaid1]

I go with alot that was said so far. There needs to be communication between you two. So let me offer you something simple that might help. Use a key word and safety words. You have a word, something normal out of the blue that you know to say to him when you have the "motherly" feeling. He in turn has a response word to give you the "yes" and another word for a "no". Simple and quick. You must adhere and not be negative if he throws you the "no" word. Don't take it like a personal thing. it is just a way for him to say something back to you to open the door towards you both learning to take cues later.

Also as I mentioned a safety word, if you both are in the role playing mode. If things for you or him are going a bit much both of you can use the same word. That's a quick stop and walk word. Again don't be discouraged when it flies out. It's just communication. he also can have a word as well to "turn" you on and you as well can have a yes and no word.

It sounds funny to do it like this because you might ask why not just say it straight out. I have found that code words add to the fun. Give it a try and see if it doesn't help you two.

[rosalie.bent]

Once you get past the irony of the situation you see that it is exactly the same as the man wanting more babying from his wife. Annee, you want to give more than he wants to receive and the same rules apply to you as to any AB - you both have to find a happy negotiated medium. Most ABs will say that they could handle more babying than they get from their partner, but most accept what they get as a bonus. They might WANT more, but they can handle less than they want. Well most do... butthat doesnt exclude whining and complaining from your baby. IN the same way, you are entitled to ask for more than you are getting but likewise he is entitled to not give more than he is willing to give. Incontinence is a game-changer and frankly, that is something you are not entitled to ask for. Incontinence is a big burden and whiel some ABs find it actually therapeutic and decide to adopt that, it is his decision alone and not yours.

You disappointment at your son stopping wetting the bed is a litte disturbing if I may say so. Parents not wanting to let their children grow up are not unheard of, but it is always the wrong way to act.

Your boyfriend and you need to find a parent/child pattern that works for you both, but it rarely meets everyone's needs perfectly at the start. Ultimately however, you find a relationship that meets the real needs and not those you think they are. Feel free to email me (as a fellow AB parent) to discuss this more if you wish.

[annee]

Well I want to thank everyone for your comments. I talked to my therapist about my feelings and what has been going on. She was very interested in what I told her. She even had me talk to her for over 2 hours. She said that some of this is new to her. The main thing we talked about was how his fetish touch off my deep feeling of needing to be a care giver. Plus the fact that I am a bit of a control freak. She want us to both come in and talk to her. He is Ok whith that idea. When we first talked about his desirer to wear diapers I acted totally understanding. But in the back of my mind I was a bit freaked out. But after reading up on this and doing a lot of soul searching I wanted to give this a try. Well the first time I diapered him I felt a rush of loving and caring feelings. I also felt bad about how afraid and ashamed he looked. I remember how all I wanted to do was make him feel OK. I also remember the first time he wet and how happy I was that he could let go. He was sitting on my lap at the time. I loved that felt so much trust in me. I loved changing that first wet diaper so much. I started having him drink a lot of water about half an hour before we left work. I just started enjoying cleaning him up and putting him into a clean diaper. He told me he loves when I check his diaper. When we first started down this road I told him no poo. He was happy about that as he did not want that. But then one night out of the blue he got up off the couch and started to head for the bathroom. I asked him if he had to go number 2. He said yes I asked him to please just go in his diaper. Well after he did I enjoyed taking care of cleaning him up. What it was that I enjoyed him needing me to take care of him. I did not even mind the smell. Well one thing has led to another. So now I know I am pushing to hard to mold him into my forever child. I think I must be kind of nuts. In the past I was always careful about letting go and letting my own kids grow up. But this adult baby thing has triggered something deep inside me. One nice thing is he has wanted to babied all weekend.

[curiositykilledthecat]

Kudos to you for talking it out with your therapist, hopefully the joint meeting will open up a path of mutual clarity. The key for this to work between the both of you is to simply talk, set limits, ideas and plan out how you want this aspect of your relationship to work. Take your time exploring this with him so that nobody gets hurt or burnt out. Good luck to both of you.

@-sarah- you know your candidness is why we all love you.

[annee]

This morning we talked for for hours. He called in and told work we would not be in till after lunch. I just came out with how I felt and how this has been a trigger for me. He told me that he loves the things I have introduced into this. He told me he is very afraid we will not be lovers if we become like mother and son. He said he loves how we make love and how important that is. I told him I do not ever want that part of what we have to go away. He told me how cold his real mother is and it is feels strange how close the lines seem. He then went on to tell me that one time when he was 15 his mother walked in on him. He said he was only wearing a diaper. Well she told him he was sick in the head. She then had the door took off bedroom. The worst thing he told me was she told others in his family. At that point I held him and told him I loved him. I felt so bad bad he was crying and he never cry s. I then asked him if I could do anything for him. He asked if I would please diaper him the foot hand way. So we went back to our bedroom. After diapering we talked some more. He said he wants me to be his mommy lover and not just mommy. Then he asked if he just let me take the lead with being like mother and son as long as we will still be lovers. I told him that I will always want him as a lover. Then he told me that wanted very badly to act like out a mother son role. But still wanted go inside me. Then I undressed him and we made love. It was better than make up sex. Then we took the rest of the day off. We have done a lot of talking today I think things are going to be OK.

[Repaid1]

Hey damn it, (Notice the "N") you said you would be in after lunch!!!! When you take a nooner that means NOON! Man I miss doing Nooners when I was working! Anyway sounds good guys. Glad to hear it's all working out!

[annee]

Thanks again for the room to get it out. Well work was OK that day without us. We are working on a lot buried feelings we both have. Funny how fast life can change and ares have on many levels.So we both are learning a new level of trust. All while running a business we both love. So it was back to a full work day today. We also have been talking about some tacky promo we want to do at work. Just no clowns or live stock. We did a cowboy promo a while back when we were truly over stocked on pickups. . I feel very lucky with how things are going.

[diggir]

I for one am so glad things are working out for you and your boyfriend. Communication with your mate is one of the most important things in a marriage. Things weren't going well with my wife and diapers a few years ago and talking it out made the difference. Just the other night I talked to her about being kind of embarrassed to ask her to diaper me but she reassured me it was ok. I think you're doing all of the right things Annee.

[Peanut-head]

Let us know how the therapy session goes! Is your therapist support of this aspect of your relationship?